Last year, I ended a long term relationship and surprisingly, I feel no remorse, I only feel a freedom I haven’t felt in a long while. But then these days I feel lonely, I don’t miss my ex but I still feel very lonely. So lonely that I’m starting to consider this guy who I’ve known has liked me for a long while now. He’s a friend’s friend and the friend has told me how much drama has happened between them simply because she refused to support him when he confessed to liking me. She straight up shut him down which resulted in him beefing with her, even up till now. I felt guilty about it but I think my friend made the right decision since the thing is, I’m turning 23 this month while the guy is only 21 and at this age, I honestly have no more emotional energy to spare on anyone I think I have no chances of getting married to. When we talk, it’s an instant vibe, he’s super smart and about to finish uni while I’m just in my second year. He understands my humour so well and a lot of times knows how to tell me just what I want to hear. When I lost a close friend a few months ago, he was the only one who I could break down in front of, everyone else just expected me to either comfort them instead or just suck it up and I had no one to express my grief to without being judged except him. I’m very sure I have a better connection with him than I ever had with my ex. When all this happened, I was already broken up with my ex but still I had no attraction whatsoever towards the guy, I looked forward to talking to him and I appreciated how he could comfort me and we could have deep convos so freely but still, no attraction. Until now, I really feel drawn to him. I’ve noticed how really cute he is. He’s a good head taller than me and has the brightest smile. He likes kids and babies just like I do and I’ve noticed how way more mature than his age he is. I wonder if this is the loneliness taking it’s toll on me or am I really starting to like him? I want to find out if he still likes me too but since my friend has shut him down so long ago, I know he’s not going to try any moves on me, he’s not even going to tell me he likes me, he’s just going to remain the friend I made him be. So should I go ahead and take my chances? Should I tell him I’m starting to like him so he can open up to me more? Even with the two year difference between us, should I finally give us a try?
You’re forcing it. You weren’t attracted to him from the beginning. And yes your lonliness is leading you in this guys direction. Which is to be expected. Humans are social creatures and the desire to form romantic relationships is in almost all of us.
So listen, you’ve been single for a while, and since you really really want to be in a relationship, you start to bargain with yourself. You think, “Maybe I could just settle for someone I like just enough. I like his smile now.” instead of waiting for one who you could never question whether you were attracted to them or not.
To make it clear why I don’t think you should settle for “eh” when it comes to a partner. Don’t settle for love, because… settling is a choice made from fear. Don’t choose a relationship because you’re afraid to be alone. Or because you’re afraid you won’t find someone better.
You make singledom sound boring when it could be so much fun. Like go out there, go meet people, don’t settle for the person closest to you in proximity. And have fun! When you fill your life with spontaneity, love from friends and family – you’ll be surprised how quickly someone enters your life just because of how contagious your aura is.
Anon
2 years ago
I have a good guy friend that I recently put on with one of my girls. Is it wrong of me to continue a friendship w this guy like still text/ft while they are in a talking stage even tho I have no intention of being with him?
If you were willing to set up your friend with another friend, be prepared to have to step back. Especially because that is valuable time he could be using to get to know your friend.
Since I wrote that confession my heart’s been really heavy and I spent time praying and asking God to help me navigate how I should speak to my old friend. Yesterday I finally built up the courage to call her after writing many drafts in my phone, my anxiety almost got the best of me but I pushed through. I bared my pain and confusion at our relationship and asked if I ever did anything to hurt her, it seemed like we both felt shame and guilt for letting our relationship go. She told me that she didn’t know how to help me in my pain and felt powerless and useless, her own trauma made her believe that I was too good for her. She told me that I was her forever soul mate and If I’d take her back as a friend, we both sobbed and spoke for 5 hours. We’re both healing now and relearning each other as adults.
Thank you so much for your previous kind words and for helping me take this step, may Allah reward you❤️
I used to be like this when I was younger until I learnt the hard way that you don’t actually need an apology to move on.
Needing an apology to move on is like giving the other person who wronged you all the power over you. You now relying on them to make you happy with their meaningless apology is whole other thing. Now you’re literally dependent on this other person, giving them even more power. This person has already wronged you, why would you want to keep them in control of your emotional state?
You don’t need an apology to move on. You have to make things right in your head by accepting that what happened happened and there is nothing you can do about it. Move on, let go and get back to you. You are the only one who can truly control how you feel. You are in charge of you. Stop giving others all the power. Start focusing on your inner struggle and move forward in your life on your terms. Hope that helps
Anon
2 years ago
My older siblings made some foolish decisions in their life which has affected me more ways than you can imagine! It has put a lot of pressure on me to be more ” less(zero to none) problematic and keep the peace”.
Also, It’s put a lot of pressure on me to financially stable and secure within the choice I make because their mistakes are placed on me as the youngest ( collective punishment- which hella annoying)
I feel like I have zero room to make mistakes because of their mistakes… also being first gen – I just want to do well.. give myself a good healthy life
I know a thing or two about collective punishment LMAO
My best advice is, continue to make the best decisions because ultimately the only person who is gonna benefit from it – is you. Wallahi it’ll be worth it in the end. Whilst they all fuck up and make stupid mistakes, you come out as the winner. And all the sacrifrice will be worth it.
Stop picking up the slack for the rest of your siblings. Start weaponizing incompetence before people do it to YOU. Practice selfishness, because if you don’t, you will grow up feeling mentally exhausted and like you’ve saved nothing for yourself. And just bide your time until you move out.
Anon
2 years ago
Is it normal / common for a girl to seek marriage ? Likes a practising man and goes to his mahram or an older man who knows both of them to see if he’d be interested? Really like this guy at work and hes an akhi so doesnt free mix etc and I want to speak to another older man at work who has both our best interests at heart if he’d be interested in marriage? But slyly feel uncomfortable at the idea of me being the one to pursue him and not the other way round 😂 thing is I have a feeling he’s also interested but am I just gonna sit and wait for him to make his move or what.
Personality I wouldn’t do it. But who knows, guys like to be babesed nowadays so he might like that!
Anon
2 years ago
So I have a dilemma. Please don’t post on your page I don’t want it making rounds 😭
I’m married and happily married. I was with him for a while before marriage. Obviously some disagreements on certain things but nothing was ever major or worth a break up.
I sent him a screenshot of someone speaking about something Kevin Samuels said about not believing your child if they say they’ve been sexually assaulted and he agreed… he said children lie. And I can’t even say any more to him because I’m shocked.
This hurts even more because I was sexually assaulted as a child (he’s not aware) and just imagine if my mum or dad didn’t believe me if I had the nerve to tell them.
I want to ask why, I know he will say something about how he’d ask them what happened but I’m of the view if my child says that has happened, I believe them 100% and I have no doubts about that. I will cut the person out of their lives completely.
I don’t feel I have to tell him my childhood trauma so he can believe me but at the same time I don’t know. We’ve had debates about many controversial stuff before marriage and I could handle some of his disagreements with things but it was never something so major.
I know it hits me hard because I was that child but I don’t know what to do.
Oh wow. Firstly, I’m so sorry you went through that. May Allah swt give you justice and peace.
I won’t lie to you, that is so mad. That is enough to make me have doubts about having kids in the future with someone.
This is not something hard to understand, it’s not like your saying something really complicated – it is simply: to believe your child when they say they’ve been assaulted. Kids don’t lie about that stuff.
The thing that’s so worrying about what he said, is that it gauges what kind of parent he will be in the future.
How was he raised? People usually form their perception/worldviews by observing particular role models around them during their childhood and teenage years. This is universal for everyone, it’s just how humans develop. So for example, if a person grows up in an environment where…say, women are treated like objects, their worldview almost certainly develops so they treat women like objects. In this case, him saying that he wouldn’t believe children may reflect how he was parented as a child. Does he have good relationships with his parents?
The worst of this is, you are one of those children he is speaking about. In other words, he is talking to you.
Not calling him out on this abandons your inner child. Your husband isn’t making you feel emotionally safe, he is ignorant and this is not something you’ll be able to get over – if you don’t address it now.
Anon
2 years ago
Hi Lula,
I’m in a sticky situation. I have had a massive breakup after a long term relationship and I vowed not to date ever. Well then to my surprise a nice guy hmu and we casually starting talking. Obviously this lead to feelings after a few dates. This was post two week breakup. I thought it was too soon for me to date again as I never intended to date. I felt like it was fine talking to him and I was transparent that I wanted things to go slowly. However , things escalated because our families knew of our relationship. Nothing was meant to happen however we both were getting stressed out since he’s a lot older. However, he lives in another city. I don’t plan on moving anytime soon so I let him know that early in. He understood and didn’t expect anything. Pressure slowly got the better of me and I didn’t feel like I was being fair to him since I haven’t recovered emotionally from the breakup. It also didn’t help my ex kept pestering me via socials (blocked him but he manages to gain some contact through others). Anyways, I felt like it was all too much and the new relationship became emotionally draining. I loved him. He was kind and genuine person. I just needed a break.
So I called for a break. Especially since it’s Ramadan etc and I had to go on holiday. I wanted to just breathe. During the break I finally got closure and spoke to my ex to explain (I broke up with him and ghosted) and gave him closure aswell. This was something I needed honestly.
So I’m healed now. Also haven’t spoken to the other guy for over two months. I’m ready to speak to him however scared he will probably have moved on?
The other guy could still be single, hit him up if you want to – but also be prepared for him to not be available. I mean you kinda had your chance and you were still harped up on your ex.
Tbh though men will always take you back, it really is just a matter of how much they like you physically and personality wise. If they weren’t really invested in the start, then he may not be interested now. But personally, I’d probably still try my luck especially if he doesn’t know the reason why you took a break was because of your ex.
Anon
2 years ago
Regarding your answer saying men who likes every picture are jobless . I wanna believe that it’s true. But I just know too many high achievers who are constantly liking girls pic . Even in commited relationship it doesnt stop . I was seeing a guy once who was in a top 3 uni in STEM and he couldn’t stop himself . Even now that he graduated and is super busy with his job he is still lurking . Following girls who looks like cheap prostitute who don’t even follow him back . All that during ramadan . Anyway I’m done with him but men are scary . I even heard a guy saying he had to make a secret second account just to like pics . Again this guy has a job and a life , it came to the point I just accepted they all have a sick wondering eye and I feel the best way is to just pray Allah to bring one who is able to control himself out of respect for the relationship
I was talking about grown men not having social media, this guy is still in university, and tbh if I was a guy still in university I’d be liking girls pictures too.
But the main point is: if a guy is liking pictures of other girls whilst with you and going to THOSE lengths to do it, its an indicator that he doesn’t like you. At all. I don’t believe every guy has a wandering eye, because once they are set on one person, they wouldn’t want to look elsewhere.
Go for someone who likes you. Listen to how low your standards are. Accepting a man to have a wandering eye, and just hoping he at least controls himself, is probably why you end up with men like this. You shouldn’t lower your standards because you think you’re not going to get what you want, which in this case is the bare minimum. You’re even already making excuses for it. Do you think men would accept if their woman has a wandering eye?
Lowered standards only work if your objective is simply to get picked by anyone. But what are you actually trying to accomplish? If you want a man very quickly, lowering your standards is going to increase your chances. But if want someone worth being with, who wants you equally as much as you want them, then you wait until that moment happens for you. Inshallah it does
Anon
2 years ago
Hey girlies, I hope you’re both well and I just want to say I love your page. I’ve got a pretty close friend that’s getting married inshallah and I am more than proud and excited for her allahuma barik ameen. Although we are quite similar we are both obviously going to have our differences whilst she goes to get married, which I totally understand and respect. We both go out regularly with each other, and we’re both fairly young and we both equally like to have fun i.e going out to eat, making memories; you know what usually girlies do with each other. Anyways, I’m in a bit of a pickle because I’m more of the outgoing friend and I have plans for the summer to have fun but I’ll be honest I go to places that I wouldn’t want this friend to be present, just in case it looks bad on me as I don’t want to look like the friend that takes her to places that her future husband want her to go and I don’t want to look like the “crazy, single friend” because I’ll be real I don’t want to get married anytime soon as I am fairly young at the moment so I’m basically just living my life. I understand we can make memories in other places but when it comes to me going to certain places I even feel restricted to even go for myself even if she was to be present however I like going to these places if you get what I mean. I haven’t told her to take a backseat as she also has intentions to go out with me but I am not too keen. I just want to know is this outlook that I have now selfish or is it normal, and should I mention it to her that I don’t think she should join me orrrr? Please help xx
You shouldn’t care what her husband thinks of you. Regardless of any positive or negative opinions he may have of you, it doesn’t change anything for you. Not your prospects, nothing.
When she gets married, obviously things will be a lot different and she’ll probably spend a lot of her time with her husband. Wouldn’t this work perfectly for you considering you want to do your thing anyway?
Last year, I ended a long term relationship and surprisingly, I feel no remorse, I only feel a freedom I haven’t felt in a long while. But then these days I feel lonely, I don’t miss my ex but I still feel very lonely. So lonely that I’m starting to consider this guy who I’ve known has liked me for a long while now. He’s a friend’s friend and the friend has told me how much drama has happened between them simply because she refused to support him when he confessed to liking me. She straight up shut him down which resulted in him beefing with her, even up till now. I felt guilty about it but I think my friend made the right decision since the thing is, I’m turning 23 this month while the guy is only 21 and at this age, I honestly have no more emotional energy to spare on anyone I think I have no chances of getting married to. When we talk, it’s an instant vibe, he’s super smart and about to finish uni while I’m just in my second year. He understands my humour so well and a lot of times knows how to tell me just what I want to hear. When I lost a close friend a few months ago, he was the only one who I could break down in front of, everyone else just expected me to either comfort them instead or just suck it up and I had no one to express my grief to without being judged except him. I’m very sure I have a better connection with him than I ever had with my ex. When all this happened, I was already broken up with my ex but still I had no attraction whatsoever towards the guy, I looked forward to talking to him and I appreciated how he could comfort me and we could have deep convos so freely but still, no attraction. Until now, I really feel drawn to him. I’ve noticed how really cute he is. He’s a good head taller than me and has the brightest smile. He likes kids and babies just like I do and I’ve noticed how way more mature than his age he is. I wonder if this is the loneliness taking it’s toll on me or am I really starting to like him? I want to find out if he still likes me too but since my friend has shut him down so long ago, I know he’s not going to try any moves on me, he’s not even going to tell me he likes me, he’s just going to remain the friend I made him be. So should I go ahead and take my chances? Should I tell him I’m starting to like him so he can open up to me more? Even with the two year difference between us, should I finally give us a try?
You’re forcing it. You weren’t attracted to him from the beginning. And yes your lonliness is leading you in this guys direction. Which is to be expected. Humans are social creatures and the desire to form romantic relationships is in almost all of us.
So listen, you’ve been single for a while, and since you really really want to be in a relationship, you start to bargain with yourself. You think, “Maybe I could just settle for someone I like just enough. I like his smile now.” instead of waiting for one who you could never question whether you were attracted to them or not.
To make it clear why I don’t think you should settle for “eh” when it comes to a partner. Don’t settle for love, because… settling is a choice made from fear. Don’t choose a relationship because you’re afraid to be alone. Or because you’re afraid you won’t find someone better.
You make singledom sound boring when it could be so much fun. Like go out there, go meet people, don’t settle for the person closest to you in proximity. And have fun! When you fill your life with spontaneity, love from friends and family – you’ll be surprised how quickly someone enters your life just because of how contagious your aura is.
I have a good guy friend that I recently put on with one of my girls. Is it wrong of me to continue a friendship w this guy like still text/ft while they are in a talking stage even tho I have no intention of being with him?
Yeah don’t do that lool
If you were willing to set up your friend with another friend, be prepared to have to step back. Especially because that is valuable time he could be using to get to know your friend.
https://thesisterguide.com/#comment-2127
Hi,
Just wanted to give an UPDATE🥺
Since I wrote that confession my heart’s been really heavy and I spent time praying and asking God to help me navigate how I should speak to my old friend. Yesterday I finally built up the courage to call her after writing many drafts in my phone, my anxiety almost got the best of me but I pushed through. I bared my pain and confusion at our relationship and asked if I ever did anything to hurt her, it seemed like we both felt shame and guilt for letting our relationship go. She told me that she didn’t know how to help me in my pain and felt powerless and useless, her own trauma made her believe that I was too good for her. She told me that I was her forever soul mate and If I’d take her back as a friend, we both sobbed and spoke for 5 hours. We’re both healing now and relearning each other as adults.
Thank you so much for your previous kind words and for helping me take this step, may Allah reward you❤️
Awwww I’m so so happy for you guys
Nah this is so adorable, Alhamdulilah!!
How to move on after being done dirty by people and not getting any apology?lbw been trying to just let it go for months but I still think about it
I used to be like this when I was younger until I learnt the hard way that you don’t actually need an apology to move on.
Needing an apology to move on is like giving the other person who wronged you all the power over you. You now relying on them to make you happy with their meaningless apology is whole other thing. Now you’re literally dependent on this other person, giving them even more power. This person has already wronged you, why would you want to keep them in control of your emotional state?
You don’t need an apology to move on. You have to make things right in your head by accepting that what happened happened and there is nothing you can do about it. Move on, let go and get back to you. You are the only one who can truly control how you feel. You are in charge of you. Stop giving others all the power. Start focusing on your inner struggle and move forward in your life on your terms. Hope that helps
My older siblings made some foolish decisions in their life which has affected me more ways than you can imagine! It has put a lot of pressure on me to be more ” less(zero to none) problematic and keep the peace”.
Also, It’s put a lot of pressure on me to financially stable and secure within the choice I make because their mistakes are placed on me as the youngest ( collective punishment- which hella annoying)
I feel like I have zero room to make mistakes because of their mistakes… also being first gen – I just want to do well.. give myself a good healthy life
Any advice xoxox
I know a thing or two about collective punishment LMAO
My best advice is, continue to make the best decisions because ultimately the only person who is gonna benefit from it – is you. Wallahi it’ll be worth it in the end. Whilst they all fuck up and make stupid mistakes, you come out as the winner. And all the sacrifrice will be worth it.
Stop picking up the slack for the rest of your siblings. Start weaponizing incompetence before people do it to YOU. Practice selfishness, because if you don’t, you will grow up feeling mentally exhausted and like you’ve saved nothing for yourself. And just bide your time until you move out.
Is it normal / common for a girl to seek marriage ? Likes a practising man and goes to his mahram or an older man who knows both of them to see if he’d be interested? Really like this guy at work and hes an akhi so doesnt free mix etc and I want to speak to another older man at work who has both our best interests at heart if he’d be interested in marriage? But slyly feel uncomfortable at the idea of me being the one to pursue him and not the other way round 😂 thing is I have a feeling he’s also interested but am I just gonna sit and wait for him to make his move or what.
I mean why not.
Personality I wouldn’t do it. But who knows, guys like to be babesed nowadays so he might like that!
So I have a dilemma. Please don’t post on your page I don’t want it making rounds 😭
I’m married and happily married. I was with him for a while before marriage. Obviously some disagreements on certain things but nothing was ever major or worth a break up.
I sent him a screenshot of someone speaking about something Kevin Samuels said about not believing your child if they say they’ve been sexually assaulted and he agreed… he said children lie. And I can’t even say any more to him because I’m shocked.
This hurts even more because I was sexually assaulted as a child (he’s not aware) and just imagine if my mum or dad didn’t believe me if I had the nerve to tell them.
I want to ask why, I know he will say something about how he’d ask them what happened but I’m of the view if my child says that has happened, I believe them 100% and I have no doubts about that. I will cut the person out of their lives completely.
I don’t feel I have to tell him my childhood trauma so he can believe me but at the same time I don’t know. We’ve had debates about many controversial stuff before marriage and I could handle some of his disagreements with things but it was never something so major.
I know it hits me hard because I was that child but I don’t know what to do.
Oh wow. Firstly, I’m so sorry you went through that. May Allah swt give you justice and peace.
I won’t lie to you, that is so mad. That is enough to make me have doubts about having kids in the future with someone.
This is not something hard to understand, it’s not like your saying something really complicated – it is simply: to believe your child when they say they’ve been assaulted. Kids don’t lie about that stuff.
The thing that’s so worrying about what he said, is that it gauges what kind of parent he will be in the future.
How was he raised? People usually form their perception/worldviews by observing particular role models around them during their childhood and teenage years. This is universal for everyone, it’s just how humans develop. So for example, if a person grows up in an environment where…say, women are treated like objects, their worldview almost certainly develops so they treat women like objects. In this case, him saying that he wouldn’t believe children may reflect how he was parented as a child. Does he have good relationships with his parents?
The worst of this is, you are one of those children he is speaking about. In other words, he is talking to you.
Not calling him out on this abandons your inner child. Your husband isn’t making you feel emotionally safe, he is ignorant and this is not something you’ll be able to get over – if you don’t address it now.
Hi Lula,
I’m in a sticky situation. I have had a massive breakup after a long term relationship and I vowed not to date ever. Well then to my surprise a nice guy hmu and we casually starting talking. Obviously this lead to feelings after a few dates. This was post two week breakup. I thought it was too soon for me to date again as I never intended to date. I felt like it was fine talking to him and I was transparent that I wanted things to go slowly. However , things escalated because our families knew of our relationship. Nothing was meant to happen however we both were getting stressed out since he’s a lot older. However, he lives in another city. I don’t plan on moving anytime soon so I let him know that early in. He understood and didn’t expect anything. Pressure slowly got the better of me and I didn’t feel like I was being fair to him since I haven’t recovered emotionally from the breakup. It also didn’t help my ex kept pestering me via socials (blocked him but he manages to gain some contact through others). Anyways, I felt like it was all too much and the new relationship became emotionally draining. I loved him. He was kind and genuine person. I just needed a break.
So I called for a break. Especially since it’s Ramadan etc and I had to go on holiday. I wanted to just breathe. During the break I finally got closure and spoke to my ex to explain (I broke up with him and ghosted) and gave him closure aswell. This was something I needed honestly.
So I’m healed now. Also haven’t spoken to the other guy for over two months. I’m ready to speak to him however scared he will probably have moved on?
I don’t even know if I should really….
The other guy could still be single, hit him up if you want to – but also be prepared for him to not be available. I mean you kinda had your chance and you were still harped up on your ex.
Tbh though men will always take you back, it really is just a matter of how much they like you physically and personality wise. If they weren’t really invested in the start, then he may not be interested now. But personally, I’d probably still try my luck especially if he doesn’t know the reason why you took a break was because of your ex.
Regarding your answer saying men who likes every picture are jobless . I wanna believe that it’s true. But I just know too many high achievers who are constantly liking girls pic . Even in commited relationship it doesnt stop . I was seeing a guy once who was in a top 3 uni in STEM and he couldn’t stop himself . Even now that he graduated and is super busy with his job he is still lurking . Following girls who looks like cheap prostitute who don’t even follow him back . All that during ramadan . Anyway I’m done with him but men are scary . I even heard a guy saying he had to make a secret second account just to like pics . Again this guy has a job and a life , it came to the point I just accepted they all have a sick wondering eye and I feel the best way is to just pray Allah to bring one who is able to control himself out of respect for the relationship
I was talking about grown men not having social media, this guy is still in university, and tbh if I was a guy still in university I’d be liking girls pictures too.
But the main point is: if a guy is liking pictures of other girls whilst with you and going to THOSE lengths to do it, its an indicator that he doesn’t like you. At all. I don’t believe every guy has a wandering eye, because once they are set on one person, they wouldn’t want to look elsewhere.
Go for someone who likes you. Listen to how low your standards are. Accepting a man to have a wandering eye, and just hoping he at least controls himself, is probably why you end up with men like this. You shouldn’t lower your standards because you think you’re not going to get what you want, which in this case is the bare minimum. You’re even already making excuses for it. Do you think men would accept if their woman has a wandering eye?
Lowered standards only work if your objective is simply to get picked by anyone. But what are you actually trying to accomplish? If you want a man very quickly, lowering your standards is going to increase your chances. But if want someone worth being with, who wants you equally as much as you want them, then you wait until that moment happens for you. Inshallah it does
Hey girlies, I hope you’re both well and I just want to say I love your page. I’ve got a pretty close friend that’s getting married inshallah and I am more than proud and excited for her allahuma barik ameen. Although we are quite similar we are both obviously going to have our differences whilst she goes to get married, which I totally understand and respect. We both go out regularly with each other, and we’re both fairly young and we both equally like to have fun i.e going out to eat, making memories; you know what usually girlies do with each other. Anyways, I’m in a bit of a pickle because I’m more of the outgoing friend and I have plans for the summer to have fun but I’ll be honest I go to places that I wouldn’t want this friend to be present, just in case it looks bad on me as I don’t want to look like the friend that takes her to places that her future husband want her to go and I don’t want to look like the “crazy, single friend” because I’ll be real I don’t want to get married anytime soon as I am fairly young at the moment so I’m basically just living my life. I understand we can make memories in other places but when it comes to me going to certain places I even feel restricted to even go for myself even if she was to be present however I like going to these places if you get what I mean. I haven’t told her to take a backseat as she also has intentions to go out with me but I am not too keen. I just want to know is this outlook that I have now selfish or is it normal, and should I mention it to her that I don’t think she should join me orrrr? Please help xx
You shouldn’t care what her husband thinks of you. Regardless of any positive or negative opinions he may have of you, it doesn’t change anything for you. Not your prospects, nothing.
When she gets married, obviously things will be a lot different and she’ll probably spend a lot of her time with her husband. Wouldn’t this work perfectly for you considering you want to do your thing anyway?
Honestly not sure how this is a dilemma for you.