Similar situation to the sis with jealous sis!
How can you deal with a jealous sister under the same household??
Their constant mood burst and egging for arguments or fights etc ! Breaking of stuff and property that mean alot to me. No accountability!
Never taking accountability for their action. However, in couple days to be okay wants to go back being normal (for keeping my distance her not respecting it) – no apologies are given these situation occurs.
I have expressed my boundaries but its never respected and my opinion are not valid because I’m ” good one/unproblematic ” –
I feel like we can’t share things because it’s going be ruined or jealousy or rivalry only reveals thing when needed.
She’s toxic individual who anger about life and seeing me +my age makes her anger (what could’ve been because I had “had” it easy which isn’t even the case)
I just need help to good advice how to live with a person like this and how deal with the remark/comments
Also looking to therapy too but need establish myself before j leave/ get help
This whole sharing system? Can’t run anymore. You don’t wear my shit, I don’t wear yours. I put a lock on my door too to stop anyone from using my stuff because later, missing items would always cause beef. If you guys share stuff, get a suitcase and lock your stuff in there.
When she argues with you or bullies you, don’t allow her to make up with you for a long time. Because the whole I can mistreat you/and then be friends with you later is why she does this to you in the first place.
Also, maybe talk to your mum about her low moods. Sometimes people really do be having personality disorders right in front of you and you don’t noticed. You’d be surprised how many somali girls have bi-polar.
Stop sharing details about all the exciting things happening to you and your friends. Recognise some things may be a trigger for her and always always constantly make dua for yourself. Sometimes sisters really be wishing on your downfall.
And just get your own money. Don’t let anyone borrow money from you, and build your savings.
Anon
3 years ago
girl where did you learn all this stuff? 😭 its like youve lived ten lives, and lived them the right way and learnt all the right stuff yet youre so young. Is there any books or blogs youve always followed or just the school of life?
Haha listen It’s a blessing and a curse. When you are the one who is the relied on the most in your family, you don’t have the luxury to make mistakes. So you have to watch and observe other peoples mistakes and make notes for yourself. Good and bad thing though because now I get to live a good life off the back of my good decisions Alhamdulilah
Anon
3 years ago
Hey Lula/Ladan. May you both receive all the kheyr and blessings to you and your loved ones, Ameen❤️ I’m so happy if stumbled across this today. Literally perfect timing! Here’s my dilemma.
So I am a divorcee for over 2 and a half years. Alhamdulilah X10. As odd as it sounds, im really glad I went through my first marriage as it taught me a lot about myself to which I would have never known. I worked on being the best version of myself. My ex was mentally/ emotionally and financially abusive and I vowed to myself that I would never let a man take advantage of me. We never had a child together (thank god for contraception!!) I worked really hard, travelled and socialised, levelled up and all round became independent Alhamdulilah. So I rekindled with a guy unexpectedly that I’d known growing up and from the same neighbourhood (8 years ago) and we dated for over a year. He’s handsome, very intelligent and he’s so consistent. He’s been the same guy from the first day we started getting to know eachother. Not once did he switch up/ change or act different. We met up a handful of times only due to work, living in different cities etc. We instantly clicked and fell in love and he ultimately became my best friend and confidant. Always calling/FT and I adored him.
Things were great and I felt like he was the one initially. However, I love being wined, dined and adored and I love to reciprocate. In this relationship, nothing? I love the odd surprises here and there or a planned date/evening etc but zilch. Literally not one thing. He’s never bought me a gift, never plans anything. He doesn’t drive nor does he have a high paying job/ savings. I earn more than him and im 3 years younger. For context I’m 24 and he’s 27. I want my next marriage to have substance and I want the finer things in life as I’m already providing this for myself. I do not want to settle. In the beginning I didn’t mind but it’s been over a year and he’s planned ONE romantic evening and this was a year in. I didn’t even get a gift for my birthday! I told him my expectations from the beginning and he knew my lifestyle but I didn’t want to spell it out for him again. He also comes from a toxic family. He explained that he won’t be ready for marriage anytime soon and to give him 3 years at minimum (my nigga???). I don’t want to be dating him and till HE’S ready. I want to be married in the next couple years. I also don’t want to be waiting around for ‘what ifs’ and what if he’s not ready in a couple years? I would have wasted 3/4 years waiting. I relayed my feelings to him and didn’t beat around the bush. He promised that he’s going to start getting ready for marriage now and that he loves me and doesn’t want to loose me. I explained that as much as I love him, it just won’t cut it. I need someone who will be the anchor, to lead and provide but I don’t see any of these qualities in him. I want a man man. I know that rizq comes from marriage but he can’t even afford to marry me or my meher (which is a decent amount).
I watched Aysha Haruns YouTube vid regarding her divorce and it stuck to me like glue. She said never fall for potential and to take a man as he is. I also received this advice from my mum. I broke up with him a week ago and I feel like it’s the best thing for me and he wants me back and part of me does too. He’s always calling and texting. I don’t want to build a man. I don’t want him to resent me in the future. I have only dated 3 men in my life including my ex husband. And he’s the one man I’ve let my guard down to, and my most vulnerable self. I feel like we’ve created this bond and I can’t get over him. I miss him. Did I make a mistake?
Am I being vain/ materialistic or true to myself? Is love enough to sustain a marriage?
Thank you so much for your kind words and dua. Ameen ameen! Just wanted to say, you should be really happy that you’re getting yourself out there again, and how much you’ve learnt about yourself during this time.
Let’s get into it.
Whilst this guy has been a confident, a good friend to you, Ayesha Harun is absolutely right. Never settle for someone’s potential because the potential may never come to fruition. Yeah everybody might be with the potential to do a lot of things, but everybody doesn’t end up doing those things. This is why you must let your values drive your decision making in a mate instead of your fear of loneliness.
Also no matter how great you think you are, you still don’t have the power to make someone change because change is an inside job.
Let’s say you just go for it, you say fuck it I’m gonna just be with him, all you will end up doing is being resentful and bitter towards this man for not being the person you want him to be.
So many times we date someone for who we hope they will be instead of who they really are. What happens though is that after all of the lust is gone and the “chemistry” dies down, then if that person doesn’t turn out to be the person we dreamed of then we get angry with them. It happens a lot when a woman might meet a man who has no job, no money, no ambition but he has “potential”. That’s until 6 months later he is still lying on the couch playing play station all day. Suddenly she grows angry and resentful and then eventually the relationship becomes dysfunctional all in the name of potential.
If you want a man that’s romantic, figure out that very early in the relationship and make it clear that’s what you want. It’s too late now, this man is already set in his ways. He can’t be asked to take you out, this is simply just who he is. You know what your standards are, is this truly what you want?
Especially as someone who has been married before, you should know that actions and behaviors must align with your words. And that if you want to experience marriage again, this time you don’t wan’t to be the one trying to help someone realise their “potential” . You don’t have time to be someone’s parent when you want to be their lover!
You’re still young, I would even say marriage should even’t be your focal point right now. Just get to know people and take your time, because you don’t want to make the same mistakes twice.
Hi I saw on twitter that you were talking about being the good girl doesn’t get you anywhere , could you elaborate on that.
Like how do you start asserting boundaries with your family without them resenting your or feeling like you’re a caasi. Growing up I always was the good girl who didn’t do anything to hurt my parents feelings because you know they are out gateway to jannah. How did you navigate this and how do you deal with arguments with extended family meme we who feel entitled over your life choices.
Sometimes being a known as a “good kid” growing up meant you weren’t very good at being a kid. I was the good kid because I saw the stress my siblings caused my parents by being the bad kids. Had to balance it out somehow. Parents wanna cry too you know? We can’t all be bad. But then I realised slowly I was becoming an enabler, for my siblings but also my parents too.
I realised I have to stop covering for people, I am not your back up options. When it is you being the responsible one, you’re actually stopping other people from helping you. You’re giving them a reason to not do their job, because you do it so perfectly. So i stopped offering help. That’s when I became known as the ‘selfish one’, didn’t really care considering I am the most reliable and present in everyone’s life. Also I stopped being available. I was working most days, and when I wasn’t working- I was out with my friends. Then I’d just spend time with my Dad because we were really close, and he is exactly like me, we avoid drama.
But yeah, I fixed my room completely and made it into my own person hotel. I had a TV in it, it was the top room so you had to get a stairs to go up there. I had no reason to leave my room. It was cool.
After a while it will get overwhelming, and the only way you can get respite if you move out via marriage or you rent your own place. Just remember regardless of what’s happening, you always remain respectful to your parents, bite your tongue if you have to. Never ever disrespect your parents.
Make sure you build your fuck off fund just in case though LMAO
Avoid spending time at home, and just being alone in general
Make money, increase my savings
Go back on the dating scene
Pick up a new hobby
Anon
3 years ago
hey sis,
so there’s this guy I used to be friends with when I was younger and I had a huge crush on him but never made it apparent bc I just assumed that we were in the friend zone, as my feelings developed and I noticed that they weren’t being reciprocated I decided to cut things off. After about 2 years of not speaking at all or having each other on socials he decided to add me but I was in a relationship that was Rocky. I decided to speak to him bc I was curious to what he had to say and he ended up telling me he was interested all along and wanted to see where it goes, like an Idiot I entertained the idea and never took it further bc I felt guilty as I was kinda still with my ex and decided to block the guy. i spoke to the guy after coming out of my relationship explaining myself but he was unwilling to try thing again, however we still follow each other on socials. What should I do?? Should I just leave it seeing as hes clearly hurt that I curved him or should I make my move again hoping he’s gonna change his mind?
If I was him, I wouldn’t entertain you either looool only because, why did you block him!! That is so rude omg?? If you knew things are rocky with your ex/man, you should never close the door on people imo. Should leave the door ajar because now look. No man and no potential. Double homicide
Anon
3 years ago
I need help!! I’ve been talking to this guy for a few weeks now. He’s a great guy and seems really serious. On paper he’s everything I’m looking for & our conversation flow smoothly. My problem is the attraction. I usually go for guys who are more fit and workout, he’s the complete opposite. I don’t know how to tell him I want him to workout/ eat healthy without coming off as shallow. Any ideas?
Don’t tell him to work out/or eat healthy. Would you like him saying that to you? No you wouldn’t. Either accept him for how he is, or just go for someone you are more attracted to.
Anon
3 years ago
You’ll soon be more famous than Dear Deidre from the Sun newspaper 😁
Similar situation to the sis with jealous sis!
How can you deal with a jealous sister under the same household??
Their constant mood burst and egging for arguments or fights etc ! Breaking of stuff and property that mean alot to me. No accountability!
Never taking accountability for their action. However, in couple days to be okay wants to go back being normal (for keeping my distance her not respecting it) – no apologies are given these situation occurs.
I have expressed my boundaries but its never respected and my opinion are not valid because I’m ” good one/unproblematic ” –
I feel like we can’t share things because it’s going be ruined or jealousy or rivalry only reveals thing when needed.
She’s toxic individual who anger about life and seeing me +my age makes her anger (what could’ve been because I had “had” it easy which isn’t even the case)
I just need help to good advice how to live with a person like this and how deal with the remark/comments
Also looking to therapy too but need establish myself before j leave/ get help
I feel like this is exactly my situation haha.
This whole sharing system? Can’t run anymore. You don’t wear my shit, I don’t wear yours. I put a lock on my door too to stop anyone from using my stuff because later, missing items would always cause beef. If you guys share stuff, get a suitcase and lock your stuff in there.
When she argues with you or bullies you, don’t allow her to make up with you for a long time. Because the whole I can mistreat you/and then be friends with you later is why she does this to you in the first place.
Also, maybe talk to your mum about her low moods. Sometimes people really do be having personality disorders right in front of you and you don’t noticed. You’d be surprised how many somali girls have bi-polar.
Stop sharing details about all the exciting things happening to you and your friends. Recognise some things may be a trigger for her and always always constantly make dua for yourself. Sometimes sisters really be wishing on your downfall.
And just get your own money. Don’t let anyone borrow money from you, and build your savings.
girl where did you learn all this stuff? 😭 its like youve lived ten lives, and lived them the right way and learnt all the right stuff yet youre so young. Is there any books or blogs youve always followed or just the school of life?
Haha listen It’s a blessing and a curse. When you are the one who is the relied on the most in your family, you don’t have the luxury to make mistakes. So you have to watch and observe other peoples mistakes and make notes for yourself. Good and bad thing though because now I get to live a good life off the back of my good decisions Alhamdulilah
Hey Lula/Ladan. May you both receive all the kheyr and blessings to you and your loved ones, Ameen❤️ I’m so happy if stumbled across this today. Literally perfect timing! Here’s my dilemma.
So I am a divorcee for over 2 and a half years. Alhamdulilah X10. As odd as it sounds, im really glad I went through my first marriage as it taught me a lot about myself to which I would have never known. I worked on being the best version of myself. My ex was mentally/ emotionally and financially abusive and I vowed to myself that I would never let a man take advantage of me. We never had a child together (thank god for contraception!!) I worked really hard, travelled and socialised, levelled up and all round became independent Alhamdulilah. So I rekindled with a guy unexpectedly that I’d known growing up and from the same neighbourhood (8 years ago) and we dated for over a year. He’s handsome, very intelligent and he’s so consistent. He’s been the same guy from the first day we started getting to know eachother. Not once did he switch up/ change or act different. We met up a handful of times only due to work, living in different cities etc. We instantly clicked and fell in love and he ultimately became my best friend and confidant. Always calling/FT and I adored him.
Things were great and I felt like he was the one initially. However, I love being wined, dined and adored and I love to reciprocate. In this relationship, nothing? I love the odd surprises here and there or a planned date/evening etc but zilch. Literally not one thing. He’s never bought me a gift, never plans anything. He doesn’t drive nor does he have a high paying job/ savings. I earn more than him and im 3 years younger. For context I’m 24 and he’s 27. I want my next marriage to have substance and I want the finer things in life as I’m already providing this for myself. I do not want to settle. In the beginning I didn’t mind but it’s been over a year and he’s planned ONE romantic evening and this was a year in. I didn’t even get a gift for my birthday! I told him my expectations from the beginning and he knew my lifestyle but I didn’t want to spell it out for him again. He also comes from a toxic family. He explained that he won’t be ready for marriage anytime soon and to give him 3 years at minimum (my nigga???). I don’t want to be dating him and till HE’S ready. I want to be married in the next couple years. I also don’t want to be waiting around for ‘what ifs’ and what if he’s not ready in a couple years? I would have wasted 3/4 years waiting. I relayed my feelings to him and didn’t beat around the bush. He promised that he’s going to start getting ready for marriage now and that he loves me and doesn’t want to loose me. I explained that as much as I love him, it just won’t cut it. I need someone who will be the anchor, to lead and provide but I don’t see any of these qualities in him. I want a man man. I know that rizq comes from marriage but he can’t even afford to marry me or my meher (which is a decent amount).
I watched Aysha Haruns YouTube vid regarding her divorce and it stuck to me like glue. She said never fall for potential and to take a man as he is. I also received this advice from my mum. I broke up with him a week ago and I feel like it’s the best thing for me and he wants me back and part of me does too. He’s always calling and texting. I don’t want to build a man. I don’t want him to resent me in the future. I have only dated 3 men in my life including my ex husband. And he’s the one man I’ve let my guard down to, and my most vulnerable self. I feel like we’ve created this bond and I can’t get over him. I miss him. Did I make a mistake?
Am I being vain/ materialistic or true to myself? Is love enough to sustain a marriage?
Thank you so much for your kind words and dua. Ameen ameen! Just wanted to say, you should be really happy that you’re getting yourself out there again, and how much you’ve learnt about yourself during this time.
Let’s get into it.
Whilst this guy has been a confident, a good friend to you, Ayesha Harun is absolutely right. Never settle for someone’s potential because the potential may never come to fruition. Yeah everybody might be with the potential to do a lot of things, but everybody doesn’t end up doing those things. This is why you must let your values drive your decision making in a mate instead of your fear of loneliness.
Also no matter how great you think you are, you still don’t have the power to make someone change because change is an inside job.
Let’s say you just go for it, you say fuck it I’m gonna just be with him, all you will end up doing is being resentful and bitter towards this man for not being the person you want him to be.
So many times we date someone for who we hope they will be instead of who they really are. What happens though is that after all of the lust is gone and the “chemistry” dies down, then if that person doesn’t turn out to be the person we dreamed of then we get angry with them. It happens a lot when a woman might meet a man who has no job, no money, no ambition but he has “potential”. That’s until 6 months later he is still lying on the couch playing play station all day. Suddenly she grows angry and resentful and then eventually the relationship becomes dysfunctional all in the name of potential.
If you want a man that’s romantic, figure out that very early in the relationship and make it clear that’s what you want. It’s too late now, this man is already set in his ways. He can’t be asked to take you out, this is simply just who he is. You know what your standards are, is this truly what you want?
Especially as someone who has been married before, you should know that actions and behaviors must align with your words. And that if you want to experience marriage again, this time you don’t wan’t to be the one trying to help someone realise their “potential” . You don’t have time to be someone’s parent when you want to be their lover!
You’re still young, I would even say marriage should even’t be your focal point right now. Just get to know people and take your time, because you don’t want to make the same mistakes twice.
Is this really anonymous
Yup, you don’t have to log in or create account. Just have to type a question x
no question but i support this platform heavily!! <3
We love that! Thank you xxx
Hi I saw on twitter that you were talking about being the good girl doesn’t get you anywhere , could you elaborate on that.
Like how do you start asserting boundaries with your family without them resenting your or feeling like you’re a caasi. Growing up I always was the good girl who didn’t do anything to hurt my parents feelings because you know they are out gateway to jannah. How did you navigate this and how do you deal with arguments with extended family meme we who feel entitled over your life choices.
Sometimes being a known as a “good kid” growing up meant you weren’t very good at being a kid. I was the good kid because I saw the stress my siblings caused my parents by being the bad kids. Had to balance it out somehow. Parents wanna cry too you know? We can’t all be bad. But then I realised slowly I was becoming an enabler, for my siblings but also my parents too.
I realised I have to stop covering for people, I am not your back up options. When it is you being the responsible one, you’re actually stopping other people from helping you. You’re giving them a reason to not do their job, because you do it so perfectly. So i stopped offering help. That’s when I became known as the ‘selfish one’, didn’t really care considering I am the most reliable and present in everyone’s life. Also I stopped being available. I was working most days, and when I wasn’t working- I was out with my friends. Then I’d just spend time with my Dad because we were really close, and he is exactly like me, we avoid drama.
But yeah, I fixed my room completely and made it into my own person hotel. I had a TV in it, it was the top room so you had to get a stairs to go up there. I had no reason to leave my room. It was cool.
After a while it will get overwhelming, and the only way you can get respite if you move out via marriage or you rent your own place. Just remember regardless of what’s happening, you always remain respectful to your parents, bite your tongue if you have to. Never ever disrespect your parents.
Make sure you build your fuck off fund just in case though LMAO
How to deal with heartbreak?
Improve my physical appearance
Avoid spending time at home, and just being alone in general
Make money, increase my savings
Go back on the dating scene
Pick up a new hobby
hey sis,
so there’s this guy I used to be friends with when I was younger and I had a huge crush on him but never made it apparent bc I just assumed that we were in the friend zone, as my feelings developed and I noticed that they weren’t being reciprocated I decided to cut things off. After about 2 years of not speaking at all or having each other on socials he decided to add me but I was in a relationship that was Rocky. I decided to speak to him bc I was curious to what he had to say and he ended up telling me he was interested all along and wanted to see where it goes, like an Idiot I entertained the idea and never took it further bc I felt guilty as I was kinda still with my ex and decided to block the guy. i spoke to the guy after coming out of my relationship explaining myself but he was unwilling to try thing again, however we still follow each other on socials. What should I do?? Should I just leave it seeing as hes clearly hurt that I curved him or should I make my move again hoping he’s gonna change his mind?
You fumbled the bag sis.
If I was him, I wouldn’t entertain you either looool only because, why did you block him!! That is so rude omg?? If you knew things are rocky with your ex/man, you should never close the door on people imo. Should leave the door ajar because now look. No man and no potential. Double homicide
I need help!! I’ve been talking to this guy for a few weeks now. He’s a great guy and seems really serious. On paper he’s everything I’m looking for & our conversation flow smoothly. My problem is the attraction. I usually go for guys who are more fit and workout, he’s the complete opposite. I don’t know how to tell him I want him to workout/ eat healthy without coming off as shallow. Any ideas?
Don’t tell him to work out/or eat healthy. Would you like him saying that to you? No you wouldn’t. Either accept him for how he is, or just go for someone you are more attracted to.
You’ll soon be more famous than Dear Deidre from the Sun newspaper 😁
Wishful thinking man but inshallah