If he always has his phone on him but yet he takes days to reply back to you, he’s just not that into you. At all actually.
Anon
3 years ago
I’ve reached a place where I’m comfortable with my body and weight but the man I’m seeing has said I need to lose weight before he speaks to my family. He’s into fitness and said it in a direct way / not rudely but I’m still feeling some kind of way. First of all I’m a size 16 and 5’8 so I think I’m proportional also I haven’t changed in size the 6 months we’ve been dating so I don’t know where this is coming from. I’m feeling to just block him altogether wallahi but some friends are telling me it’s not a big deal and going down a dress size can be a compromise but how can I compromise my literal body? I thought somali men didn’t mind bigger girls.
That’s a very personal command to anyone and very hurtful.. I’m not so sure what he should say to you but if you already know you could do with losing weight, he’s making you very self conscious of your body and its also offensive thing to say that to your girlfriend. There are lots more things he could say to put a more positive note to say something like why don’t we both go to the gym or I’d love to eat healthy food from now on and let them both look after there own health and in doing this together, you might drop the weight and avoid the insult of being told to lose weight.
If he is saying this to you at size 16 when you are 5’8, what the hell is this man going to say to you after you have carried his child????
He needs to get the FUCK, immediately. I am so disgusted. NEXT CALLER
Anon
3 years ago
Hi love. I’ve been feeling like this for a while now but I don’t think I’ll ever get married. I feel like I have to lower my standards and end up settling because I can’t find what I’m looking for a trust me I’ve tried. I feel like I need to get out of my comfort zone this coming year. I always take people for what they are and not what they could be but at this point I’m getting tired I just want someone to love me. Don’t get me wrong men do approach me but I never give them a chance because there’s always something wrong with them, could be smoking or a high body count whatever it is. So dilemma is should I just settle or shall I keep my standards and not give up.
Keep your standards as long as they are not realistic.
If your standards are: he has to be a millionaire, attractive, lowkey, buys me things etc, extremely tall, can give me 50k mehr and fat wedding – the chances of you finding a husband like that are extremely slim.
Also if you are in your early 20’s, maybe Allah swt just hasn’t written marriage for you RIGHT NOW. Not everyone is meant to get married in their 20’s. Sometimes Allah swt may have written a much more fulfilling life for you and that in your thirties you’ll get married, which is much more possible. There have been so manny brides this year that were in their early thirties. Like you said, get out of your comfort zone but don’t think finding a husband is the end all be all. Because the more you are looking for it you’ll be desperate and just settle for anyone.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis. so I’ve been speaking to this guy for about 3/4 months. we both live in the same city in sweden. but we’ve only seen each other maybe 3 or 4 times. he works everyday so it’s sort of understandable. if we spoke on the phone everyday then it would make up for us not seeing each other. but before we’d speak maybe 3 days in a row and it’ll last for about 4/5 hours. however recently he started another job that he does on saturday and sunday &he only speaks to me maybe once a week. sends a few stuff on instagram but doesn’t message me at all. not even to ask how I am. I’ve spoken to him about it and he’s been very apologetic and that’s he’s stressed over work and stuff. what should I do though? is he wasting my time?
Clearly he is too busy to be in a relationship. He has given you the full picture so it’s up to you to decide if you want this or not. Maybe there is a reason why he is so committed to work? Maybe that reason is worth more than talking to you all the time. Either way, for me, now that I know a relationship or getting to know me isn’t your priority, I would have to part ways. Because why am I more invested in this than you are?
Anon
3 years ago
Me and my ex broke up because he wasn’t able to give me a time when he was ready to get married. I didn’t want to break up but he still left. He has come back saying he’s ready now but I’m in a new relationship. I’m stuck on that to do 🙁
He doesn’t have good intentions for you. When you realise you no longer need them, you stop feeling desperate and start feeling happy, that’s when he will want you back because ‘Like attracts like’. When you have truly let go of your ex relationship and focus solely on getting your life together, pick up the pieces, heal emotionally, spend time with friends/ nature, focus on career and make more gains etc, this results in you having better self-confidence and a glow about you now that you’ve moved on. And the same guy that broke you, is attracted to this new you.
What should you do? Teach him his lesson. Wallahi all my life I have always said to never get back with an ex no matter what. I say this because people need to live with the decisions they have made and that to me, is their lesson. When I asked you to mediate, to work things out, you didn’t listen. So now when all you wanna do is go back, and make things right with me, you can’t. Only then will you realise you can’t take back what you did and NOW, you have to live with the decisions you have made. That to me is a punishment worth giving.
Even if you was single, I still wouldn’t advise you to take him back, because what do you teach him? That you can break up with me again and know sometime in the future I’ll take you back? Sorry. He wasn’t ready for you, but he is ready for you now that someone else is making you happy. Also stop thinking about him whilst you’re with someone else, and don’t think that grass is greener on the other side because if you do leave your man to go back to your ex, he might ditch you again (he already has once) and now you’ll have no one.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi sis. I’ve been getting to know this guy for about 4 months now. everything is going great, we get on so good & our convos flow but the way he communicates is very weird. recently he starts calling me one day then not speak to me for a week then call me again on another day. It doesn’t make sense to me all. I’ve spoken to him about it &i know he’s bad at texting but he barely ever texts me nor does he check up on me. should I start calling him first or?
He won’t speak to you for a whole week? Sis. You can figure out compatibility and relationship value by how two people respond to each others’ wants and needs. You asked him to make more of effort with you, to communicate more often and he still hasn’t fixed up?
1) You guys aren’t compatible.
2) He doesn’t value you enough to make effort with you.
Take it for what it is and try with someone else. 4 months and this relationships hasn’t progressed? Why are you wasting time?
Hey girls!
First I’d like to start off by saying THANK YOU SO MUCH for creating this space! Like I come for a conservative Somali household so i can’t bring up a lot of ‘taboo’ subjects that are really important to talk about. This is honestly such a great space and I love coming on this website everyday. Pls ignore any bad comments you guys are receiving, just a few weird incels tbh.
So I’ve been talking to this guy for about 7 months. Like we’ve been going on dates and stuff and it’s been really cool and chill. The other day he literally lost his temper with me. Like he started screaming at me. I honestly thought he was going to hit me. I know he’s dealing with a lot of stress at work and I think he does have depression but still, he knows how much I HATE confrontation and someone screaming at me cos I’ll literally cryyyyy lol I really can’t stand up for myself when someone’s being aggressive and he knows this. He also knows that I’ve seen my dad literally f*ck my mum up all the time and be so awful to her for years and my mum just put up with it for decades. I always promised myself I don’t want to ever be In that sort of relationship. I’d rather be single than do that! And to be fair the idea of marriage doesn’t even excite me at all because all the men I know have treated their wives terribly. I’m so close to cutting it off because how dare you speak to me like that. Do you think it’s the right thing to do? Is this who he is?
Also do you think I’ll ever meet a man who won’t ever lose his temper with me?
Is this who he is?
No, it’s not. This is just a preview of who he is. Stay a minute longer and you will truly find out who he is.
Abuse often escalates shortly after new relationship milestones are passed like getting married or moving in together etc, so yes you need to leave right now whilst it’s still early.
If you’re having a hard time accepting this, maybe look at it this way. If your sister or best friend were in this scenario would you encourage them to stay and potentially put themselves in further danger? Exactly. Leave this man.
For someone who has already had a front row seat and witnessed the injustices that happened to your Mother, break the cycle. The second you see bad, you run. Don’t let it foster until you can’t get out. 7 months in a relationship is nothing, you’ll forget about this man once someone else comes along.
And yes, there are real men out there who would never ever even raise their voice to women, let alone to the point where they nearly hit them Subhanallah. This wasteman is a coward and a little bitch. I don’t even know how he can talk to you like that considering all the things you went through.
Get out
Anon
3 years ago
Hi,
Absolutely love your page and how informative it is. I’m currently in the middle of planning my wedding (my family and his family met just over a month ago) and it was lovely. He is a brilliant person, his morals and values are of which I greatly love about him however, I’ve been having my doubts about it. We’ve had our rocky moments, times where we haven’t agreed on things but I’ve noticed a repetitive pattern throughout this. He has been off work for about 7 months now. I’m unsure about where he is getting the funds to maintain his lifestyle at the moment but I’m hesitant about moving forward and moving in with him. I am focusing on building my career in sha Allah and i cannot afford for us both should he be out of work in the next few months. Is it wrong of me to continue with the marriage knowing deep down I have concerns about his financial problems.
If you have concerns about his financial problems, and he is not being completely straight forward, you would have every right to stall the wedding. And I would agree to hold off for now.
It’s not like this is a small issue that you can address later once married. Finances in a marriage is imperative. I understand there is an aspect of shame but finances are just like any other topic you talk prior to marriage, like kids etc. You have to talk about them, because then you will find out your non-negotiables. So far he hasn’t had a job in 7 months. Given the job market right now, I wouldn’t even say this is abnormal. But he still doesn’t have a job, why are you considering to marry someone who doesn’t have a job? Where do you think money is going to come from after the wedding? Is it going to come out of thin air??
But somehow, he is maintaining his lifestyle? How and where does he get this money from? And how do you not know?
Honestly I don’t understand what is going on, why are people getting married to men THEY DON’T KNOW. When it comes to money, communication is key! If you have even the smallest of doubts where this man gets his money from, YOU DO NOT KNOW HIM. Bottom line. And the last thing you should do is consider marrying him. Why? If you and your partner don’t know what your respective money situations are, you’ll have a nearly impossible time mapping out a plan for your financial future. The first thing you need to want to do is disclose where you each stand, financially. So not only doesn’t he work, you don’t even know where he gets his money from. I’m not going to accuse this man of anything because I don’t know him, but this is a red flag.
God forbid this man is in major dead, or owes people money. Anything is possible.
Like you said, you want to focus on your career and you do not have to money to sustain the both of you. Listen to your gut. Who cares if the family met up. Stall the wedding and wait until you have the full picture. Then you get to decide what to do then.
Anon
3 years ago
I feel like muzmatch is hands the worse thing to ever exist I’ve had it on and off for the past year or so on my phone and it’s full of creeps and predators. Not genuine guys on there. I say people should just stick to shoot their shots in yours dms. Cause muzmatch isn’t the one
If someone has said they aren’t a great texter and could live without their phone but goes AWOL for a couple days.. should I take it as ghosting?
Yes. That’s exactly how you should be taking it.
If he always has his phone on him but yet he takes days to reply back to you, he’s just not that into you. At all actually.
I’ve reached a place where I’m comfortable with my body and weight but the man I’m seeing has said I need to lose weight before he speaks to my family. He’s into fitness and said it in a direct way / not rudely but I’m still feeling some kind of way. First of all I’m a size 16 and 5’8 so I think I’m proportional also I haven’t changed in size the 6 months we’ve been dating so I don’t know where this is coming from. I’m feeling to just block him altogether wallahi but some friends are telling me it’s not a big deal and going down a dress size can be a compromise but how can I compromise my literal body? I thought somali men didn’t mind bigger girls.
That’s a very personal command to anyone and very hurtful.. I’m not so sure what he should say to you but if you already know you could do with losing weight, he’s making you very self conscious of your body and its also offensive thing to say that to your girlfriend. There are lots more things he could say to put a more positive note to say something like why don’t we both go to the gym or I’d love to eat healthy food from now on and let them both look after there own health and in doing this together, you might drop the weight and avoid the insult of being told to lose weight.
If he is saying this to you at size 16 when you are 5’8, what the hell is this man going to say to you after you have carried his child????
He needs to get the FUCK, immediately. I am so disgusted. NEXT CALLER
Hi love. I’ve been feeling like this for a while now but I don’t think I’ll ever get married. I feel like I have to lower my standards and end up settling because I can’t find what I’m looking for a trust me I’ve tried. I feel like I need to get out of my comfort zone this coming year. I always take people for what they are and not what they could be but at this point I’m getting tired I just want someone to love me. Don’t get me wrong men do approach me but I never give them a chance because there’s always something wrong with them, could be smoking or a high body count whatever it is. So dilemma is should I just settle or shall I keep my standards and not give up.
Keep your standards as long as they are not realistic.
If your standards are: he has to be a millionaire, attractive, lowkey, buys me things etc, extremely tall, can give me 50k mehr and fat wedding – the chances of you finding a husband like that are extremely slim.
Also if you are in your early 20’s, maybe Allah swt just hasn’t written marriage for you RIGHT NOW. Not everyone is meant to get married in their 20’s. Sometimes Allah swt may have written a much more fulfilling life for you and that in your thirties you’ll get married, which is much more possible. There have been so manny brides this year that were in their early thirties. Like you said, get out of your comfort zone but don’t think finding a husband is the end all be all. Because the more you are looking for it you’ll be desperate and just settle for anyone.
Hey sis. so I’ve been speaking to this guy for about 3/4 months. we both live in the same city in sweden. but we’ve only seen each other maybe 3 or 4 times. he works everyday so it’s sort of understandable. if we spoke on the phone everyday then it would make up for us not seeing each other. but before we’d speak maybe 3 days in a row and it’ll last for about 4/5 hours. however recently he started another job that he does on saturday and sunday &he only speaks to me maybe once a week. sends a few stuff on instagram but doesn’t message me at all. not even to ask how I am. I’ve spoken to him about it and he’s been very apologetic and that’s he’s stressed over work and stuff. what should I do though? is he wasting my time?
Clearly he is too busy to be in a relationship. He has given you the full picture so it’s up to you to decide if you want this or not. Maybe there is a reason why he is so committed to work? Maybe that reason is worth more than talking to you all the time. Either way, for me, now that I know a relationship or getting to know me isn’t your priority, I would have to part ways. Because why am I more invested in this than you are?
Me and my ex broke up because he wasn’t able to give me a time when he was ready to get married. I didn’t want to break up but he still left. He has come back saying he’s ready now but I’m in a new relationship. I’m stuck on that to do 🙁
He doesn’t have good intentions for you. When you realise you no longer need them, you stop feeling desperate and start feeling happy, that’s when he will want you back because ‘Like attracts like’. When you have truly let go of your ex relationship and focus solely on getting your life together, pick up the pieces, heal emotionally, spend time with friends/ nature, focus on career and make more gains etc, this results in you having better self-confidence and a glow about you now that you’ve moved on. And the same guy that broke you, is attracted to this new you.
What should you do? Teach him his lesson. Wallahi all my life I have always said to never get back with an ex no matter what. I say this because people need to live with the decisions they have made and that to me, is their lesson. When I asked you to mediate, to work things out, you didn’t listen. So now when all you wanna do is go back, and make things right with me, you can’t. Only then will you realise you can’t take back what you did and NOW, you have to live with the decisions you have made. That to me is a punishment worth giving.
Even if you was single, I still wouldn’t advise you to take him back, because what do you teach him? That you can break up with me again and know sometime in the future I’ll take you back? Sorry. He wasn’t ready for you, but he is ready for you now that someone else is making you happy. Also stop thinking about him whilst you’re with someone else, and don’t think that grass is greener on the other side because if you do leave your man to go back to your ex, he might ditch you again (he already has once) and now you’ll have no one.
Hi sis. I’ve been getting to know this guy for about 4 months now. everything is going great, we get on so good & our convos flow but the way he communicates is very weird. recently he starts calling me one day then not speak to me for a week then call me again on another day. It doesn’t make sense to me all. I’ve spoken to him about it &i know he’s bad at texting but he barely ever texts me nor does he check up on me. should I start calling him first or?
He won’t speak to you for a whole week? Sis. You can figure out compatibility and relationship value by how two people respond to each others’ wants and needs. You asked him to make more of effort with you, to communicate more often and he still hasn’t fixed up?
1) You guys aren’t compatible.
2) He doesn’t value you enough to make effort with you.
Take it for what it is and try with someone else. 4 months and this relationships hasn’t progressed? Why are you wasting time?
I love your page keep up the good work
Thank you my love xx
Hey girls!
First I’d like to start off by saying THANK YOU SO MUCH for creating this space! Like I come for a conservative Somali household so i can’t bring up a lot of ‘taboo’ subjects that are really important to talk about. This is honestly such a great space and I love coming on this website everyday. Pls ignore any bad comments you guys are receiving, just a few weird incels tbh.
So I’ve been talking to this guy for about 7 months. Like we’ve been going on dates and stuff and it’s been really cool and chill. The other day he literally lost his temper with me. Like he started screaming at me. I honestly thought he was going to hit me. I know he’s dealing with a lot of stress at work and I think he does have depression but still, he knows how much I HATE confrontation and someone screaming at me cos I’ll literally cryyyyy lol I really can’t stand up for myself when someone’s being aggressive and he knows this. He also knows that I’ve seen my dad literally f*ck my mum up all the time and be so awful to her for years and my mum just put up with it for decades. I always promised myself I don’t want to ever be In that sort of relationship. I’d rather be single than do that! And to be fair the idea of marriage doesn’t even excite me at all because all the men I know have treated their wives terribly. I’m so close to cutting it off because how dare you speak to me like that. Do you think it’s the right thing to do? Is this who he is?
Also do you think I’ll ever meet a man who won’t ever lose his temper with me?
Is this who he is?
No, it’s not. This is just a preview of who he is. Stay a minute longer and you will truly find out who he is.
Abuse often escalates shortly after new relationship milestones are passed like getting married or moving in together etc, so yes you need to leave right now whilst it’s still early.
If you’re having a hard time accepting this, maybe look at it this way. If your sister or best friend were in this scenario would you encourage them to stay and potentially put themselves in further danger? Exactly. Leave this man.
For someone who has already had a front row seat and witnessed the injustices that happened to your Mother, break the cycle. The second you see bad, you run. Don’t let it foster until you can’t get out. 7 months in a relationship is nothing, you’ll forget about this man once someone else comes along.
And yes, there are real men out there who would never ever even raise their voice to women, let alone to the point where they nearly hit them Subhanallah. This wasteman is a coward and a little bitch. I don’t even know how he can talk to you like that considering all the things you went through.
Get out
Hi,
Absolutely love your page and how informative it is. I’m currently in the middle of planning my wedding (my family and his family met just over a month ago) and it was lovely. He is a brilliant person, his morals and values are of which I greatly love about him however, I’ve been having my doubts about it. We’ve had our rocky moments, times where we haven’t agreed on things but I’ve noticed a repetitive pattern throughout this. He has been off work for about 7 months now. I’m unsure about where he is getting the funds to maintain his lifestyle at the moment but I’m hesitant about moving forward and moving in with him. I am focusing on building my career in sha Allah and i cannot afford for us both should he be out of work in the next few months. Is it wrong of me to continue with the marriage knowing deep down I have concerns about his financial problems.
If you have concerns about his financial problems, and he is not being completely straight forward, you would have every right to stall the wedding. And I would agree to hold off for now.
It’s not like this is a small issue that you can address later once married. Finances in a marriage is imperative. I understand there is an aspect of shame but finances are just like any other topic you talk prior to marriage, like kids etc. You have to talk about them, because then you will find out your non-negotiables. So far he hasn’t had a job in 7 months. Given the job market right now, I wouldn’t even say this is abnormal. But he still doesn’t have a job, why are you considering to marry someone who doesn’t have a job? Where do you think money is going to come from after the wedding? Is it going to come out of thin air??
But somehow, he is maintaining his lifestyle? How and where does he get this money from? And how do you not know?
Honestly I don’t understand what is going on, why are people getting married to men THEY DON’T KNOW. When it comes to money, communication is key! If you have even the smallest of doubts where this man gets his money from, YOU DO NOT KNOW HIM. Bottom line. And the last thing you should do is consider marrying him. Why? If you and your partner don’t know what your respective money situations are, you’ll have a nearly impossible time mapping out a plan for your financial future. The first thing you need to want to do is disclose where you each stand, financially. So not only doesn’t he work, you don’t even know where he gets his money from. I’m not going to accuse this man of anything because I don’t know him, but this is a red flag.
God forbid this man is in major dead, or owes people money. Anything is possible.
Like you said, you want to focus on your career and you do not have to money to sustain the both of you. Listen to your gut. Who cares if the family met up. Stall the wedding and wait until you have the full picture. Then you get to decide what to do then.
I feel like muzmatch is hands the worse thing to ever exist I’ve had it on and off for the past year or so on my phone and it’s full of creeps and predators. Not genuine guys on there. I say people should just stick to shoot their shots in yours dms. Cause muzmatch isn’t the one
O very interesting. Why is that? *leans in*