Hey girl, love your page and so happy for you in all the good That’s happening in your life Allahuma bariik! May الله shower you in blessing’s! AMEEN!
That being said- my situation is similar to others i have read on here.
I’m 22F, single. Never been in a relationship, i avoid this actually which i will uncover. I noticed and continue to notice that when in public, i get stares from men; mainly muslim men, especially pre-covid and masks, i would get prolonged stares on trains, too much eye contact from the opposite gender.
The thing is i never get approached, it’s only online dms and whatever but to me that’s not real life. I don’t use ig, only sc and twitter. I want a natural/ organic meeting, like in public etc. I dress modestly الحمد لله hijab and that.
Now I’m not aiming to get married or settle, but i would like to have some potentials like damnnn, I’m not a fan of dating like i said i avoid it because 1. It’s haram, 2. I don’t trust men AT ALL and that’s due to my attachment style which I have yet to actually address and go therapy. Sooon إن شاء الله. But yeah i used to doubt my appearance and feel down at times because no-one seems to be interested in real life but online it’s guys saying ohh you’re beautiful let me get to know you but there’s no substance when i actually give it a chance.
It just seems to be going no where or they want a relationship kinda ting or a fling…idk. And i have told some of these men “i want this to lead to marriage”, they said yes me too but their actions are more towards being in a haram relationship which I don’t want. My block game is strong so I just block and keep it moving because it’s deadass not going anywhere and the red flags…oh lord!
No respectful guy has approached me in public that seems decent with a clear intention…i don’t know what vibe I’m giving but it’s just a whole lotta staring but no move….any advice on what I’m missing? xx
I’m confused, you want a natural/organic meeting but you’re not aiming to get married but you want potentials? Oh and you also don’t want to date. SIS WHAT DO YOU WANT? Loooool you’re all over the place and I feel like that’s because you’re just an anxious person. Slow down and just figure out what it is you actually want.
Also how do you know if these online relationships are going to lead to haram relationships? You’re not even giving these guys are chance. It is very normal for people to want to get to know you without any physical elements to it. Are you sure your block game isn’t another word for self-sabotaging? Because that’s what it honestly sounds like.
Anon
3 years ago
Just wanna say thank you for the time you take to answer these questions, sincerely. May Allah reward you both for your good intentions and every bit of comfort you’ve brought to people who are trusting you with their hearts and vulnerabilities ♥️ Mad love
If someone in the hoetation (KIDDING but in the handful of people you’re getting to know) goes ghost for a bit but comes back, is it worth resuming? A bit of confusion by the sudden dipping but no feelings hurt and I’ve still been talking to others
If you have other options, you shouldn’t be fussed about him ghosting, because you have others. And if he comes back, resume.
Anon
3 years ago
I’m 21 turning 22 , the guy I’m talking to just turned 27 do you think the age gap matters, he genuinely seems like a pure person and who also has pure intentions
– Run him a bath after a long day of work
– Make the home good vibes for him to come home to.
– Scratching his head if he’s hard a long day. Honestly the power of being his personal pillow combined with head scratches is a wild thing. They will go from complaining all day about something at work to sleeping like a baby.
– Whenever he’s struggling with something, cheer him on.
– Gas him up.
– Make small milestones seem like big ones.
– In terms of initiating, maybe you initiate.
– Always let him know how much you love him and how amazing he is.
– Try not to complain too much, obviously when you need to vent-vent. But if you’re always in a bad mood, this is fastest way to put off your husband.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi sisters
I am turning 20 years old and I feel like I want to get married. Whenever I mention this to my mother she says your too young, wait until later etc. I know what she is saying is right but why can’t I do both? Can I not pursue and career and be married? I’ve tried to speak with her on many occasions and it’s always the same. Also I’m in love with someone who isn’t ready for marriage. Would it be worth it to wait for him to be financially stable? I don’t feel like I’ll ever have a connection THAT strong with someone else.
She is right, you are too young to get married. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Alhamdulilah my brother got married when he was 19 and he’s been happily married for 13 years now and they’re my best example of a happy and healthy marriage. They did a lot of growing up together, but regardless they were a team and I think that is what makes it work so well. Wallahi even our family proper admire how much of a team they are Allahumabarik. So yes, it is very possible to be young and have successful marriage.
But regardless of you wanting to get married, the person who you want to get married to- is not ready. So just wait, you’re 20 anyway trust me marriage is not going anywhere. You’ll have your whole 20’s to be married. So whilst he gets his shit together, focus on you. Remember wallahi Mum’s really know best.
Ladan
3 years ago
Firstly, I am so sorry to hear that you’re suffering like this and are alone in this. You’re absolutely right mental health issues are often overlooked in the Somali community especially by the older generation. However, I know that a lot of the younger generation are more aware of mental health issues and there is a lot of platforms out there that can provide support. I think you need to seek professional support sis. Seeing a professional will help you learn to identify and manage your triggers better. As you’re finding it difficult to turn to your family and friends you’re suffering more because of the inability to talk to anyone. Please call your GP and ask to be seen by a therapist before your anxiety turns into depression. I hope that you do find the courage to ask for help and please do not allow the people around you to make you feel like the way you’re feeling is wrong or not valid.
Anon
3 years ago
I sent “pictures” to a guy that painted himself out to be something he really wasn’t. We don’t talk anymore and I want to move on but he’s very well known and i’m always scared he’ll expose me when he catches wind I’ve moved on. How do I overcome this? it’s really eating away at me
Time’s have changed, no one praises men for exposing nudes anymore, so it is definitely not in his favour to do it. However, regardless men are still very much capable of revenge porn and I can understand why you’re so worried. Whatever happens, it’s in Allah’s hands. Even if he does show it, in a year’s time, no one will give so much of a flying f*** about it I promise you. We live in a very fast paced society, everyday there is a new scandal. Trust me, people will forget about your drama and move onto the next.
But a bit of sisterly advice, wallahi you may want to re-evaluate your life. Seriously. You’ve put yourself in a compromising situation and do not repeat this behaviour in the future. It’s just not worth it sis wallahi. Don’t ever give men the opportunity to dishonour you.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi! I am a 21 year old who‘s never dated since I’m a shy person and mainly because I haven’t been interested in any guys that have tried talking. I’ve only had a few crushes in my life and the aim is marriage since I’ve been raised in a religious household and I’ve tried sticking to my values as a muslim female. Anyways getting to the point I met a guy who started at my workplace a month ago who striked a conversation with me and we hit it right off, (and for context he’s 22) and surprisingly we had a lot in common. He seemed like a genuine and easy person to be around. Within the next week I felt comfortable around him and initially I saw him as a friend. But the next week or so he started being extremely flirty but in a very joking manner and I tried to not think much of it bc it didn’t seem like a big deal to him, but it left me feeling confused about him. I assumed he behaved this way with a lot of girls. He brought up dating in our conversations once and I told him I didn’t date and had no experience in it whilst he said ‘women were his weakness’ and that he’s been with girls and had one long term relationship he ended because ‘it was getting too serious for him’ he was a very straightforward about not being interested in marriage yet and I appreciated his honesty sm but it made me view him as a bit of a player. That being said I still enjoyed being around him as a person and I did start feeling some type of way. Things continued like this we were always around each other at work and things escalated and I honestly couldn’t help myself when it came to him although I made sure to keep my boundaries no matter how much he persisted and I convinced myself this wouldn’t go past work. This wasn’t an ideal situation but I did like him and wished he would go about it differently. Eventually after a month he got asked to leave one day from work due to reasons he wouldn’t tell me about and I didn’t pry. We texted a few times since but he’s dropped all the energy he’s had and it kind of stings a lot because it feels all one sided knowing he initiated it mostly and now it’s radio silence. I caught feelings and it sucks because he’s gone now and there were a lot of good, unique, endearing qualities about him but I should of known better too but how do you move on and let bygones be bygones? Need some wisdom pls.
I mean if he was genuinely interested I think he would have continued the relationship after he left your job, but he didn’t. Maybe it was just the job keeping you guys ‘together’ so to speak. Also him saying ‘women is his weakness’ is a bit weird. What does he even mean by that? Also saying stuff like ‘it was getting too serious’ should let you know he is a commitment phobe and that might even be the reason why he’s ghosting you. He doesn’t want to give you the impression he wants anything serious with you.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girl,How do you let a guy hes moving to fast, i have just recently started speaking to him ( 5 days) and he’s already asking me questions about marriage. He’s already saying stuff along the lines on how he likes me and we haven’t even met in real life.
Depends, is he moving fast or is he actually love BOMBING you? Which in my opinion is worse. I find that a bit strange to either one of you to talk about marriage in the first month of getting to know someone, let alone the first week. But who knows, maybe this is a man who just knows what he wants LMAO. Sounds like he wants a wife and doesn’t matter who it is, he just wants one.
Hey girl, love your page and so happy for you in all the good That’s happening in your life Allahuma bariik! May الله shower you in blessing’s! AMEEN!
That being said- my situation is similar to others i have read on here.
I’m 22F, single. Never been in a relationship, i avoid this actually which i will uncover. I noticed and continue to notice that when in public, i get stares from men; mainly muslim men, especially pre-covid and masks, i would get prolonged stares on trains, too much eye contact from the opposite gender.
The thing is i never get approached, it’s only online dms and whatever but to me that’s not real life. I don’t use ig, only sc and twitter. I want a natural/ organic meeting, like in public etc. I dress modestly الحمد لله hijab and that.
Now I’m not aiming to get married or settle, but i would like to have some potentials like damnnn, I’m not a fan of dating like i said i avoid it because 1. It’s haram, 2. I don’t trust men AT ALL and that’s due to my attachment style which I have yet to actually address and go therapy. Sooon إن شاء الله. But yeah i used to doubt my appearance and feel down at times because no-one seems to be interested in real life but online it’s guys saying ohh you’re beautiful let me get to know you but there’s no substance when i actually give it a chance.
It just seems to be going no where or they want a relationship kinda ting or a fling…idk. And i have told some of these men “i want this to lead to marriage”, they said yes me too but their actions are more towards being in a haram relationship which I don’t want. My block game is strong so I just block and keep it moving because it’s deadass not going anywhere and the red flags…oh lord!
No respectful guy has approached me in public that seems decent with a clear intention…i don’t know what vibe I’m giving but it’s just a whole lotta staring but no move….any advice on what I’m missing? xx
I’m confused, you want a natural/organic meeting but you’re not aiming to get married but you want potentials? Oh and you also don’t want to date. SIS WHAT DO YOU WANT? Loooool you’re all over the place and I feel like that’s because you’re just an anxious person. Slow down and just figure out what it is you actually want.
Also how do you know if these online relationships are going to lead to haram relationships? You’re not even giving these guys are chance. It is very normal for people to want to get to know you without any physical elements to it. Are you sure your block game isn’t another word for self-sabotaging? Because that’s what it honestly sounds like.
Just wanna say thank you for the time you take to answer these questions, sincerely. May Allah reward you both for your good intentions and every bit of comfort you’ve brought to people who are trusting you with their hearts and vulnerabilities ♥️ Mad love
Awwwwww thank you so much. Ameen ameen!
If someone in the hoetation (KIDDING but in the handful of people you’re getting to know) goes ghost for a bit but comes back, is it worth resuming? A bit of confusion by the sudden dipping but no feelings hurt and I’ve still been talking to others
If you have other options, you shouldn’t be fussed about him ghosting, because you have others. And if he comes back, resume.
I’m 21 turning 22 , the guy I’m talking to just turned 27 do you think the age gap matters, he genuinely seems like a pure person and who also has pure intentions
Depends on maturity, is he quite mature? Are you? To me that age gap great, as long as you guys are on the same page.
Hi sis. when u say ur encouraging to hr husband wht do u mean bcs im findin it hard too keep the spark alive with my hubby
Some simple suggestions:
– Run him a bath after a long day of work
– Make the home good vibes for him to come home to.
– Scratching his head if he’s hard a long day. Honestly the power of being his personal pillow combined with head scratches is a wild thing. They will go from complaining all day about something at work to sleeping like a baby.
– Whenever he’s struggling with something, cheer him on.
– Gas him up.
– Make small milestones seem like big ones.
– In terms of initiating, maybe you initiate.
– Always let him know how much you love him and how amazing he is.
– Try not to complain too much, obviously when you need to vent-vent. But if you’re always in a bad mood, this is fastest way to put off your husband.
Hi sisters
I am turning 20 years old and I feel like I want to get married. Whenever I mention this to my mother she says your too young, wait until later etc. I know what she is saying is right but why can’t I do both? Can I not pursue and career and be married? I’ve tried to speak with her on many occasions and it’s always the same. Also I’m in love with someone who isn’t ready for marriage. Would it be worth it to wait for him to be financially stable? I don’t feel like I’ll ever have a connection THAT strong with someone else.
She is right, you are too young to get married. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Alhamdulilah my brother got married when he was 19 and he’s been happily married for 13 years now and they’re my best example of a happy and healthy marriage. They did a lot of growing up together, but regardless they were a team and I think that is what makes it work so well. Wallahi even our family proper admire how much of a team they are Allahumabarik. So yes, it is very possible to be young and have successful marriage.
But regardless of you wanting to get married, the person who you want to get married to- is not ready. So just wait, you’re 20 anyway trust me marriage is not going anywhere. You’ll have your whole 20’s to be married. So whilst he gets his shit together, focus on you. Remember wallahi Mum’s really know best.
Firstly, I am so sorry to hear that you’re suffering like this and are alone in this. You’re absolutely right mental health issues are often overlooked in the Somali community especially by the older generation. However, I know that a lot of the younger generation are more aware of mental health issues and there is a lot of platforms out there that can provide support. I think you need to seek professional support sis. Seeing a professional will help you learn to identify and manage your triggers better. As you’re finding it difficult to turn to your family and friends you’re suffering more because of the inability to talk to anyone. Please call your GP and ask to be seen by a therapist before your anxiety turns into depression. I hope that you do find the courage to ask for help and please do not allow the people around you to make you feel like the way you’re feeling is wrong or not valid.
I sent “pictures” to a guy that painted himself out to be something he really wasn’t. We don’t talk anymore and I want to move on but he’s very well known and i’m always scared he’ll expose me when he catches wind I’ve moved on. How do I overcome this? it’s really eating away at me
Time’s have changed, no one praises men for exposing nudes anymore, so it is definitely not in his favour to do it. However, regardless men are still very much capable of revenge porn and I can understand why you’re so worried. Whatever happens, it’s in Allah’s hands. Even if he does show it, in a year’s time, no one will give so much of a flying f*** about it I promise you. We live in a very fast paced society, everyday there is a new scandal. Trust me, people will forget about your drama and move onto the next.
But a bit of sisterly advice, wallahi you may want to re-evaluate your life. Seriously. You’ve put yourself in a compromising situation and do not repeat this behaviour in the future. It’s just not worth it sis wallahi. Don’t ever give men the opportunity to dishonour you.
Hi! I am a 21 year old who‘s never dated since I’m a shy person and mainly because I haven’t been interested in any guys that have tried talking. I’ve only had a few crushes in my life and the aim is marriage since I’ve been raised in a religious household and I’ve tried sticking to my values as a muslim female. Anyways getting to the point I met a guy who started at my workplace a month ago who striked a conversation with me and we hit it right off, (and for context he’s 22) and surprisingly we had a lot in common. He seemed like a genuine and easy person to be around. Within the next week I felt comfortable around him and initially I saw him as a friend. But the next week or so he started being extremely flirty but in a very joking manner and I tried to not think much of it bc it didn’t seem like a big deal to him, but it left me feeling confused about him. I assumed he behaved this way with a lot of girls. He brought up dating in our conversations once and I told him I didn’t date and had no experience in it whilst he said ‘women were his weakness’ and that he’s been with girls and had one long term relationship he ended because ‘it was getting too serious for him’ he was a very straightforward about not being interested in marriage yet and I appreciated his honesty sm but it made me view him as a bit of a player. That being said I still enjoyed being around him as a person and I did start feeling some type of way. Things continued like this we were always around each other at work and things escalated and I honestly couldn’t help myself when it came to him although I made sure to keep my boundaries no matter how much he persisted and I convinced myself this wouldn’t go past work. This wasn’t an ideal situation but I did like him and wished he would go about it differently. Eventually after a month he got asked to leave one day from work due to reasons he wouldn’t tell me about and I didn’t pry. We texted a few times since but he’s dropped all the energy he’s had and it kind of stings a lot because it feels all one sided knowing he initiated it mostly and now it’s radio silence. I caught feelings and it sucks because he’s gone now and there were a lot of good, unique, endearing qualities about him but I should of known better too but how do you move on and let bygones be bygones? Need some wisdom pls.
I mean if he was genuinely interested I think he would have continued the relationship after he left your job, but he didn’t. Maybe it was just the job keeping you guys ‘together’ so to speak. Also him saying ‘women is his weakness’ is a bit weird. What does he even mean by that? Also saying stuff like ‘it was getting too serious’ should let you know he is a commitment phobe and that might even be the reason why he’s ghosting you. He doesn’t want to give you the impression he wants anything serious with you.
Hey girl,How do you let a guy hes moving to fast, i have just recently started speaking to him ( 5 days) and he’s already asking me questions about marriage. He’s already saying stuff along the lines on how he likes me and we haven’t even met in real life.
Depends, is he moving fast or is he actually love BOMBING you? Which in my opinion is worse. I find that a bit strange to either one of you to talk about marriage in the first month of getting to know someone, let alone the first week. But who knows, maybe this is a man who just knows what he wants LMAO. Sounds like he wants a wife and doesn’t matter who it is, he just wants one.