Hey girls, I really need you. I’m broken and depressed, I’ve had a hard few years and as a result developed low self esteem and involved myself with bottom of the barrell men and done some things that I am not proud of and I know that Allah is the Most Merciful and Most Forgiving. But I’m struggling mentally with regaining my confidence and cutting out men who I am not even attracted to or enjoying the company of but needing the validation of right now because I’m going through a hard time. I’m always in my own thoughts and on top of this have post-grad depression as I graduated this summer. How can I pick myself up? Will things get better? Will I ever experience love and happiness? I’m not even talking only about romantic love but just simple softness and care. I know you guys can only advice but I need friends right now as I have none who I can talk to without judgement and feeling like I’m being shamed for things I can now only seek forgiveness for. I’ve completed my masters and I’m 25 but I feel so incomplete, alone, lost and down all the time. Who am I aside from what I do for others? My mind and my thoughts are a lonely place. I’m fragile and all alone. I’m scared of what this means for me mentally. I wish I had someone. Anyone. I wish a had a friend or a person I can go to. I’m not sure what I’m even writing this for anymore. I just pray the days get better, the nights less scary and the thoughts less suffocating. Can I even continue on anymore? I’m not really sure guys, I’m crying as I type this and I don’t know what I’m even saying but I really need someone, anyone. I’m scared of where my mind is heading but I need help, someone to help pick me back up because I can’t keep helping myself anymore. Guys, I’m really tired and scared of what I’m even typing but I’m drowning in my mind. Please don’t give me tough love, my heart can’t take it, I want someone to show me some softness and compassion- Lord knows I give it to everyone else. I’m sorry this is long and I’m sorry there really isn’t a real question in this but I just need kindness and place to dump my thoughts because my mind and heart can’t go on like this. May Allah forgive me, guide me and grant me ease in my heart. Alhamdulilah for everything, I hope life gets better but if it doesn’t I am trying, I really am. I hope one day, I can look back and say I overcome my demons and fought this battle and won. But until then, I hope someone stretches out a hand in my life and sees I’m hurting and says “I’m here for you”, until then I will continue to go on and act like everything is fine. I hope I get better, I hope I get over this.
My only ask of anyone who got this far reading this is: be a safe space and a safe haven for those around you, because life is hard and some people are only hanging on by a thin thread.
And to you girls if you read all this, thank you. I feel like someone listened to my heart and my mind and thank you again. I pray I make it. Ameen.
I read this and instantly I just wanted to give you a hug.
Everyone unfortunately goes through post graduation depression, even me. 2 months after I submitted my dissertation I was DONE. I was so emotionally exhausted, and scared of the future. Wallahi education really gives you this false idea of progression. When you’re in primary school, you have secondary school to look forward to, then you have sixthform and afterwards you have university. And then after University, you’re like what else do I have? Especially when you haven’t secured a grad position. You’re literally looking around thinking WHAT IS LIFE? I don’t think I’ve ever felt so overwhelmed before, but yeah, you feel lost man. So lost. And I thought it was abnormal? Until I actually spoke to people about it. I even spoken to my partner and his friends and they all laughed and me and said “Join the party.” This is not just a feeling after Uni, but with adulthood in general. When you’re a kid, everything is mapped out for you. But with adulthood, its you that decides your future. And that can be overwhelming. Just know you’re not the only one.
All I can say is be patient and keep on applying. Something will happen soon, I know it sounds cliche to say (I thought it too but wallahi truly it does). It is easy to get down on yourself, but you need to remember how hard you worked for the degree. You got this, just keep swimming!
Also, that was the first period of my life where I genuinely starting committing to my prayers. I’ll be honest I wasn’t that great, but that time I really committed to it. I was sick of feeling overwhelmed and I was like Allah swt is calling me back to him, because nothing else makes sense. I was such a happy person and I had never ever been so low before emotionally. I even had a book called Don’t be Sad that I highlighted and everything. I was down bad bad LOOOOOOL. But yeah, the point is Islam really gives you the guidance and tools you need to help overcome the inner turmoil that we face. It truly does, wallahi I thank my Husband every for reminding me of that. Focus on getting closer to Allah, and inshallah he removes the heavy and overwhelming feeling that’s in your heart.
Regarding love, and experiencing dating. Just leave it to Allah. This shouldn’t be the focus right now. Whilst I know it is important to you, your main priortity should be, being happy.
You got this
Anon
3 years ago
My husband wants to bring his mom over to live with us when I give birth. I do not know her and we don’t speak the same language. She’s old and very traditional. I’m scared she’ll try to take over and force her ignorant culture on me and interfere in me taking care of my baby. She supports fgm and had it done to her daughters and granddaughters.
I was supportive of her coming over until the very last statement.
Personally, when I give birth (in the future), I would like my mother in law to be there living with us, only because my mother doesn’t work in this country, so she won’t be around. Don’t underestimate the help you’ll going to need when you give birth, especially when you are a first time mother. I have enough Mommy friends to know the bigger the village, the better.
Also how do you know she still has those feelings? You don’t. And I’ll be honest with you, It does not benefit you in the slightest to have a problem with your mother in law. Keep it chill. Wallahi you may not know how helpful she can be during your transition into being a Mother.
Anon
3 years ago
My husband buys his mum whatever she requests from him but I have to beg him to even buy me clothes. He said he has to give her what she demands since she bore him for 9 months. He never got me gifts or anything
I mean, he ain’t lying but still I agree, he should have the same energy for you.
Communicate that you want more energy from him. If he doesn’t, make him wish he did. All the benefits that come with being his wife, stop doing it unless he starts value and appreciating you. If he wants to put his Mother on a pedestal, fair enough, but why not his wife? That’s what I’m not understanding???
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girl, what do you do if you’re about to get married and you have no married friends to ask questions too? I don’t have any family members either apart from my parents but our relationship isn’t on the level where I feel like I can ask the intimate questions?
Me and my husband to be are young so we don’t want kids anytime soon but I genuinely don’t want to go on any sort of contraception. I really don’t want to mess with my hormones or have to go through the shot or an iud. I don’t like messing with my body at all.
I’m also nervous about the intimate stuff as well.
I just don’t have anyone to ask these things to. Any advice for the early stage of marriage would be appreciated sister!
Okay you don’t want to get pregnant, but you don’t want to use contraception? So are you just going to hope for the best? Come on you need to be proactive with these kind of stuff otherwise you’ll be surprised when you suddenly miss a period and now you got a kid on the way. There are many forms of contraception that do not use any hormones like the Copper IUD, but you could also get a heavier period and much painful one. Or you can get the mirena/kyleena (with less hormones) and you lose your period however the insertion process is painful. But you eventually forget its even there.
You need to go to your nurse or a sexual health clinic (this is where i went to), and it was so informative. I got to learn a lot of stuff. You sound really young and you would definitely benefit from getting a professional opinion, otherwise you will get pregnant if you don’t have contraception.
Anon
3 years ago
Please answer mine😭 ive been checking and mine still hasnt been answered its about the guy who doesnt have a job and i really like him but i dont know how to motivate him. He also has no family
Sis, I replied back and it isn’t good I will be real
Anon
3 years ago
I’m 25, I work in a call centre and I’m fed up of not finding a job in what I’ve studied.
I’ve tried to apply for graduate schemes, and multiple different avenues.
How can I find a job that I’ll truly be happy in? How do I network and find a job that will be paying well.. I know everyone says Linked In and Indeed is the best to find jobs. But clearly I’m doing something wrong and can’t ever get a job in a well-paying field. (I studied International Relations and Econ btw)
I absolutely love this Sister Guide page and May Allah swt continue to bless you both in abundance!
Sis if I am being 100% honest with you, you got to just keep trying and trying. If you haven’t applied already, apply to 3 day or 1 week workshops. Not many people tell you this, but this is another way of getting fast tracked into an internship. You just have to keep trying different things. Wallahi don’t give up, you will land one I promise you. Coming from someone who thought after their first rejection I would die, I managed to get the 2nd and 3rd one that I applied for and those ones were the ones I have been dreaming of. You got this! Just keep swimming just keep swimming
Anon
3 years ago
Hi Girls. Hope you’ll doing well out there. Been dating this beautiful lady for a while now and we really love each other..but the problem is that she’s seriously addicted in watching football even late night or even weekends where’s early kickoffs..and I’m not a football fan. And when a tried to advise her about the issue she becomes bit moody and somehowly rude. Sometimes I feel like walking out of this relationship..but then I love this girlie so much. What shall I do to avoid/minimize this girl’s football addiction. Looking forward to hearing from you.
What do you mean minimise her football addiction? Are you sure the only reason why you have a problem with it is because you think her liking football is an attack on your manhood? Especially seeing as you don’t like it? Of course she is going to be moody. What a bizarre, unnecessary thing to say. How does her liking football affect your life in any shape of form?
How tall are you? I feel like this is something a small man would say
Anon
3 years ago
How would you suggest asking about sexual needs to a potential? Idk how to, its so awkward
No. Girl how else are you going to get experience?
Anon
3 years ago
Why is it so hard to meet men who aren’t sexist or misogynistic? I met this really attractive guy with a great job and we got to talking but then he asked if I was vaccinated and I told him yes I am. He told me that i shouldn’t have done that because now I will struggle to have kids. So I said if Allah has willed it for me then I will, no vaccine will stop that. He also proceeded to say that women shouldn’t gain weight after giving birth because ‘they’re letting themselves go’. He said he would want his wife to go to the gym about a month after giving birth otherwise he would lose attraction in her. He also told me that he would want to have kids within the first month or two of getting married but anyways I dipped on him cause that scared me hi-key. But why does he think that women solely exist for the purpose of his pleasure? He also asked me if I was scared of ageing and when I said no, he told me that I should be. I am in my mid twenties he is 31 so I just made a cheeky remark about him disliking his age.
Hey girls, I really need you. I’m broken and depressed, I’ve had a hard few years and as a result developed low self esteem and involved myself with bottom of the barrell men and done some things that I am not proud of and I know that Allah is the Most Merciful and Most Forgiving. But I’m struggling mentally with regaining my confidence and cutting out men who I am not even attracted to or enjoying the company of but needing the validation of right now because I’m going through a hard time. I’m always in my own thoughts and on top of this have post-grad depression as I graduated this summer. How can I pick myself up? Will things get better? Will I ever experience love and happiness? I’m not even talking only about romantic love but just simple softness and care. I know you guys can only advice but I need friends right now as I have none who I can talk to without judgement and feeling like I’m being shamed for things I can now only seek forgiveness for. I’ve completed my masters and I’m 25 but I feel so incomplete, alone, lost and down all the time. Who am I aside from what I do for others? My mind and my thoughts are a lonely place. I’m fragile and all alone. I’m scared of what this means for me mentally. I wish I had someone. Anyone. I wish a had a friend or a person I can go to. I’m not sure what I’m even writing this for anymore. I just pray the days get better, the nights less scary and the thoughts less suffocating. Can I even continue on anymore? I’m not really sure guys, I’m crying as I type this and I don’t know what I’m even saying but I really need someone, anyone. I’m scared of where my mind is heading but I need help, someone to help pick me back up because I can’t keep helping myself anymore. Guys, I’m really tired and scared of what I’m even typing but I’m drowning in my mind. Please don’t give me tough love, my heart can’t take it, I want someone to show me some softness and compassion- Lord knows I give it to everyone else. I’m sorry this is long and I’m sorry there really isn’t a real question in this but I just need kindness and place to dump my thoughts because my mind and heart can’t go on like this. May Allah forgive me, guide me and grant me ease in my heart. Alhamdulilah for everything, I hope life gets better but if it doesn’t I am trying, I really am. I hope one day, I can look back and say I overcome my demons and fought this battle and won. But until then, I hope someone stretches out a hand in my life and sees I’m hurting and says “I’m here for you”, until then I will continue to go on and act like everything is fine. I hope I get better, I hope I get over this.
My only ask of anyone who got this far reading this is: be a safe space and a safe haven for those around you, because life is hard and some people are only hanging on by a thin thread.
And to you girls if you read all this, thank you. I feel like someone listened to my heart and my mind and thank you again. I pray I make it. Ameen.
I read this and instantly I just wanted to give you a hug.
Everyone unfortunately goes through post graduation depression, even me. 2 months after I submitted my dissertation I was DONE. I was so emotionally exhausted, and scared of the future. Wallahi education really gives you this false idea of progression. When you’re in primary school, you have secondary school to look forward to, then you have sixthform and afterwards you have university. And then after University, you’re like what else do I have? Especially when you haven’t secured a grad position. You’re literally looking around thinking WHAT IS LIFE? I don’t think I’ve ever felt so overwhelmed before, but yeah, you feel lost man. So lost. And I thought it was abnormal? Until I actually spoke to people about it. I even spoken to my partner and his friends and they all laughed and me and said “Join the party.” This is not just a feeling after Uni, but with adulthood in general. When you’re a kid, everything is mapped out for you. But with adulthood, its you that decides your future. And that can be overwhelming. Just know you’re not the only one.
All I can say is be patient and keep on applying. Something will happen soon, I know it sounds cliche to say (I thought it too but wallahi truly it does). It is easy to get down on yourself, but you need to remember how hard you worked for the degree. You got this, just keep swimming!
Also, that was the first period of my life where I genuinely starting committing to my prayers. I’ll be honest I wasn’t that great, but that time I really committed to it. I was sick of feeling overwhelmed and I was like Allah swt is calling me back to him, because nothing else makes sense. I was such a happy person and I had never ever been so low before emotionally. I even had a book called Don’t be Sad that I highlighted and everything. I was down bad bad LOOOOOOL. But yeah, the point is Islam really gives you the guidance and tools you need to help overcome the inner turmoil that we face. It truly does, wallahi I thank my Husband every for reminding me of that. Focus on getting closer to Allah, and inshallah he removes the heavy and overwhelming feeling that’s in your heart.
Regarding love, and experiencing dating. Just leave it to Allah. This shouldn’t be the focus right now. Whilst I know it is important to you, your main priortity should be, being happy.
You got this
My husband wants to bring his mom over to live with us when I give birth. I do not know her and we don’t speak the same language. She’s old and very traditional. I’m scared she’ll try to take over and force her ignorant culture on me and interfere in me taking care of my baby. She supports fgm and had it done to her daughters and granddaughters.
I was supportive of her coming over until the very last statement.
Personally, when I give birth (in the future), I would like my mother in law to be there living with us, only because my mother doesn’t work in this country, so she won’t be around. Don’t underestimate the help you’ll going to need when you give birth, especially when you are a first time mother. I have enough Mommy friends to know the bigger the village, the better.
Also how do you know she still has those feelings? You don’t. And I’ll be honest with you, It does not benefit you in the slightest to have a problem with your mother in law. Keep it chill. Wallahi you may not know how helpful she can be during your transition into being a Mother.
My husband buys his mum whatever she requests from him but I have to beg him to even buy me clothes. He said he has to give her what she demands since she bore him for 9 months. He never got me gifts or anything
I mean, he ain’t lying but still I agree, he should have the same energy for you.
Communicate that you want more energy from him. If he doesn’t, make him wish he did. All the benefits that come with being his wife, stop doing it unless he starts value and appreciating you. If he wants to put his Mother on a pedestal, fair enough, but why not his wife? That’s what I’m not understanding???
Hey girl, what do you do if you’re about to get married and you have no married friends to ask questions too? I don’t have any family members either apart from my parents but our relationship isn’t on the level where I feel like I can ask the intimate questions?
Me and my husband to be are young so we don’t want kids anytime soon but I genuinely don’t want to go on any sort of contraception. I really don’t want to mess with my hormones or have to go through the shot or an iud. I don’t like messing with my body at all.
I’m also nervous about the intimate stuff as well.
I just don’t have anyone to ask these things to. Any advice for the early stage of marriage would be appreciated sister!
Okay you don’t want to get pregnant, but you don’t want to use contraception? So are you just going to hope for the best? Come on you need to be proactive with these kind of stuff otherwise you’ll be surprised when you suddenly miss a period and now you got a kid on the way. There are many forms of contraception that do not use any hormones like the Copper IUD, but you could also get a heavier period and much painful one. Or you can get the mirena/kyleena (with less hormones) and you lose your period however the insertion process is painful. But you eventually forget its even there.
You need to go to your nurse or a sexual health clinic (this is where i went to), and it was so informative. I got to learn a lot of stuff. You sound really young and you would definitely benefit from getting a professional opinion, otherwise you will get pregnant if you don’t have contraception.
Please answer mine😭 ive been checking and mine still hasnt been answered its about the guy who doesnt have a job and i really like him but i dont know how to motivate him. He also has no family
Sis, I replied back and it isn’t good I will be real
I’m 25, I work in a call centre and I’m fed up of not finding a job in what I’ve studied.
I’ve tried to apply for graduate schemes, and multiple different avenues.
How can I find a job that I’ll truly be happy in? How do I network and find a job that will be paying well.. I know everyone says Linked In and Indeed is the best to find jobs. But clearly I’m doing something wrong and can’t ever get a job in a well-paying field. (I studied International Relations and Econ btw)
I absolutely love this Sister Guide page and May Allah swt continue to bless you both in abundance!
Ameen ameen! Thank you so much.
Sis if I am being 100% honest with you, you got to just keep trying and trying. If you haven’t applied already, apply to 3 day or 1 week workshops. Not many people tell you this, but this is another way of getting fast tracked into an internship. You just have to keep trying different things. Wallahi don’t give up, you will land one I promise you. Coming from someone who thought after their first rejection I would die, I managed to get the 2nd and 3rd one that I applied for and those ones were the ones I have been dreaming of. You got this! Just keep swimming just keep swimming
Hi Girls. Hope you’ll doing well out there. Been dating this beautiful lady for a while now and we really love each other..but the problem is that she’s seriously addicted in watching football even late night or even weekends where’s early kickoffs..and I’m not a football fan. And when a tried to advise her about the issue she becomes bit moody and somehowly rude. Sometimes I feel like walking out of this relationship..but then I love this girlie so much. What shall I do to avoid/minimize this girl’s football addiction. Looking forward to hearing from you.
What do you mean minimise her football addiction? Are you sure the only reason why you have a problem with it is because you think her liking football is an attack on your manhood? Especially seeing as you don’t like it? Of course she is going to be moody. What a bizarre, unnecessary thing to say. How does her liking football affect your life in any shape of form?
How tall are you? I feel like this is something a small man would say
How would you suggest asking about sexual needs to a potential? Idk how to, its so awkward
I’ll be honest with you that’s not really a conversation you should be having before you’re married.
Is it bad that I only want to start getting to know guys for practice right now.. I genuinely don’t know how to talk to men 😭
No. Girl how else are you going to get experience?
Why is it so hard to meet men who aren’t sexist or misogynistic? I met this really attractive guy with a great job and we got to talking but then he asked if I was vaccinated and I told him yes I am. He told me that i shouldn’t have done that because now I will struggle to have kids. So I said if Allah has willed it for me then I will, no vaccine will stop that. He also proceeded to say that women shouldn’t gain weight after giving birth because ‘they’re letting themselves go’. He said he would want his wife to go to the gym about a month after giving birth otherwise he would lose attraction in her. He also told me that he would want to have kids within the first month or two of getting married but anyways I dipped on him cause that scared me hi-key. But why does he think that women solely exist for the purpose of his pleasure? He also asked me if I was scared of ageing and when I said no, he told me that I should be. I am in my mid twenties he is 31 so I just made a cheeky remark about him disliking his age.
Why are you still entertaining this man????