I’m response to the sister who bravely expressed her need for a meaningful friendship. Please reach out, I would love to be the emotional support you need inshallah <3
Twitter: @ikr4mm
A lovely sister sent this to me, make sure you reach out to her 🙂
Wallahi stuff like this is what makes me so happy! This is exactly what me and Ladan set out to do, connect girls and provide a safe circle/place. This is literally the whole point. Inshallah I’m gonna make a secondary page for you guy’s to reach out with each other on our website anonymously, meaning you won’t actually need me to connect. Honestly this message literally made me call my Husband and say create a new page LOOOOL.
Thank you so much guys
Anon
3 years ago
I’m about to get married in a couple months and me and my fiancé both don’t want a wedding. I use to want a wedding but I now that I have school and everything else going on in my life I just don’t want it. Also my to be husband doesn’t want because he wants to save some money. We both have a mutual understanding and so did my side of the family that we didn’t want a wedding. But his side of the family does not really care and is still doing the wedding. Even though I don’t have the biggest problem with the wedding it’s hard for me because I’m being peer pressured by my fiancé to put my foot down and stand up to his family. I’m very non confrontational and don’t want his family to hate me but he also is being very pushy about telling them I don’t want it. His family doesn’t care about our opinion and completely disregard what we think. I feel like we should just have and get over with it but he keeps pressuring me to not fold under pressure. Any advice?
From someone who wanted a small nikkah, my Husband’s family actually wanted a big ceremony (only because he was the oldest). But regardless of what they wanted, he supported me because it was my decision and I think that is what’s best tbh. He set the tone so no one came to me asking why I didn’t want a huge wedding etc.
EDIT
My Husband read this response and said I missed something that I should have said. In his words “You guys are a team, and each person is responsible for taking the lead when it comes to their own family. He shouldn’t put you in the firing line when it comes to his family”
I agree, because regardless, he should throw himself under the bus and say ‘I don’t want a wedding’ and that it has nothing to do with you. And then you support him. He should take the lead not you, you are just back up. Say that to him. You should have a sit down with you husband to be, and communicate this issue. Its bigger than a possible wedding, it’s principle. You have my back, I have yours.
Anon
3 years ago
Salaam sis
I’m really hoping you can give some insight into this situation as I am unsure what to do.
I have been with my other half for about a year and a half and we are planning to tell our parents we want to get married- he is high functioning and on the spectrum. He can struggle to pick up on social cues and can struggle with feeling overwhelmed/ overstimulated. We have had many conversations about his communication needs and we know what works for us in terms of strategies of how we can support each other in marriage. Visibly he looks very athletic and I think this can sometimes throw people off when they learn he has a different communication style to neurotypical people. ( just adding this for context). He’s such a down to earth, kind person and he adores me and does everything he can to make me happy. I can confidently say that I am in love with him and all my close friends and sisters adore him because they know he will be a great husband/ father. We have had some issues with some of the elders in my family making snide comments and ignorant comments about him and honestly it infuriates me to the point I start cussing people out. My mother is very supportive of us but I know this is getting to her. At one point he said he wanted to break up because he was worried about how all of this was impacting on me and he felt like a burden- we managed to work through this but I’m terrified that my family are going to push him away- I cannot loose him I’ve done everything I can to show him and tell him that im committed despite what other people say.
What would you do in my situation ? Would you cut family off ? Would you try to reason with them ? As much as I love my other half it would break me to have to cut off family members too – despite how shitty they are. Am I selfish to feel like this ? I’m so confused please help.
He sounds like such an incredible person and so are you. Just from your words, I can just tell how protective you are over him and how much he means to you. With that said, this is really a matter of education and patience. As someone who has a niece on the spectrum, she is high functioning too, and I feel the exact same way. Yes it may take her longer to pick up social cues but that she is no different to any other kid. Unfortunately, we come from a culture that is disgustingly ignorant to these types of things.
Despite your family’s short-comings, they do mean a lot to you and are too important to cut off. You need to do him justice, and take the time to educate these your family, but also be very firm. Let them know there is no place for this kind of behavior in your life. I’m trying to come with a very optimistic approach (I’m aware I can be quite fatalistic lol), but after a while, they will see your future Husband exactly how you see him.
If they continue, maybe this is impulsive, but I know if any family member had such disgusting, unfair things to say about my spouse, they will never be given the opportunity to be around us again. You are not married now, but when you are, you have a duty to create boundaries and protect your bubble. This is the new family now.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi, your advice was beautiful in regards to the prison bae, so I’m back again. My issue is if I leave imagine I regret it in the future and I’ll live with the what ifs for a long time. And I drive myself crazy in my head with my overthinking & if I stay imagine in the future it doesn’t work out & I wasted all that time. So I’m potentially thinking of being there for him but not being committed?. Seeing my options out there but still be with him and not let him know because he would never do the friends thing it’s either all in or all out with him. So if he does come out and it doesn’t work out at least I won’t hate myself for sitting pretty on the outside I was still getting to know people?
What do u think sis
Wondering what could have happened is better than actually wasting your time and realising you’re being dumb holding a guy down whilst he is IN PRISON. I feel like you’re finding any excuse just to be with him and I wanna let you know Sis, THERE IS NO SHORTAGE OF MEN. Niggas are OUT HERE. 24/7. Anything is better than being with a man who is currently in prison. You’re not gaining anything from it. It’s too much of a gamble for me. Because he can come out and just forget about you. In fact he can come out and say to you “WHO TOLD YOU TO WAIT FOR ME?” and he would be absolutely right. WHO TOLD YOU TO WAIT FOR HIMMMMMM?????
Honestly sis just move on. If he comes out and you guys reconnect, then cool. That’s no problem. BUT WHY ARE YOU GOING TO WAIT FOR HIM???? Subhanallah I wanna shake sense into you. Get to know people without the impression you’re gonna go back to him
Anon
3 years ago
love the way you type lula so logical and to the point -i know this is a weird topic but any advice on essay writing your girl is struggling LOOL
Loooool I have never heard this before haha Thank you 🙂 But yeah it’s reading. Getting my kindle in year 8 is what changed the game for me. It helped me see how to articulate everything that I was thinking. That’s the basics. Then you start reading exemplar essays and papers, and plan your essay around that (but in your own words). Eventually you’ll get used to formatting essays and knowing exactly what they want from you.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi, I really need advice on when you show the guy you’re talking to your bare face/ no makeup?! It just scares me not because I’m insecure but the thought of their reaction.
Go from wearing makeup, to just wearing minimal make up, then just concealer, brows & lashes, to nothing. If I’m being honest with you real men don’t care
Anon
3 years ago
What tips would you give someone who wants to get married in a couple of years to be an ideal wife?
There’s no such thing as being an ideal wife (unless you are getting married to a Husband from the dawn ages), just set out the be a good partner and a team mate to your spouse. That’s what really matters.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey Lula,
You keep suggesting to date multiple men etc. Sometimes it can be difficult because you’ll genuinely gravitate towards one, but you can’t let that make you cut off other men till your certain you want him. Chemistry can be so misleading at times. This is why I find it so long and tiresome lmao
I noticed you said you had an amazing spark with your husband when you first met, did you still cut off other guys whilst dating him?
When do you think is best to put all your eggs in one basket?
Also, I love your openness with your marriage yet still respecting it. May Allah protect your marriage and continue to bless it, ameen!
You’re right chemistry can be misleading, that’s why you need to start looking at the facts before you allow yourself to have chemistry with a person. Are they polite? Does it come across like they have their shit together etc? Like you wouldn’t catch me dead having chemistry with a gangbanger because I wouldn’t allow it LOL. The Chemistry has to make sense.
By chance I had literally stopped talking to whoever it was a few days before I met by Husband (When I say a few days I literally mean. a few days). But if I look back at it now, I’d probably cut off every single one for him LMAO. Also because I knew there wasn’t anyone on his level. I think that’s when its best to put all your eggs in one basket. When you know for a FACT you have the real deal.
But yeah, regarding chemistry, I feel like you can really tell when there’s a static charge between you two, like you’re just attracted to each other like magnets. The being drawn to each other is a definite sign. Not having to talk but still mentally having some sort of connection, and both knowing it. You can have chemistry with several people though, but some more than others. Then you experience Chemistry with the holy grail and you’re like nah, this is who I need to be with.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi girls,
One of my girl friends I have known my entire life practically has been moving mad. I have noticed a pattern about her on how every guy I’m talking to she ends up following on the gram or chatting to them casually. Sometimes I’ll tell her I think a guy is attractive and she will be on FaceTime with him the next week. I love her and I knew her for ages I just don’t know what to do. Should I cut her off or just not talk about men to her?
I’m response to the sister who bravely expressed her need for a meaningful friendship. Please reach out, I would love to be the emotional support you need inshallah <3
Twitter: @ikr4mm
A lovely sister sent this to me, make sure you reach out to her 🙂
Wallahi stuff like this is what makes me so happy! This is exactly what me and Ladan set out to do, connect girls and provide a safe circle/place. This is literally the whole point. Inshallah I’m gonna make a secondary page for you guy’s to reach out with each other on our website anonymously, meaning you won’t actually need me to connect. Honestly this message literally made me call my Husband and say create a new page LOOOOL.
Thank you so much guys
I’m about to get married in a couple months and me and my fiancé both don’t want a wedding. I use to want a wedding but I now that I have school and everything else going on in my life I just don’t want it. Also my to be husband doesn’t want because he wants to save some money. We both have a mutual understanding and so did my side of the family that we didn’t want a wedding. But his side of the family does not really care and is still doing the wedding. Even though I don’t have the biggest problem with the wedding it’s hard for me because I’m being peer pressured by my fiancé to put my foot down and stand up to his family. I’m very non confrontational and don’t want his family to hate me but he also is being very pushy about telling them I don’t want it. His family doesn’t care about our opinion and completely disregard what we think. I feel like we should just have and get over with it but he keeps pressuring me to not fold under pressure. Any advice?
From someone who wanted a small nikkah, my Husband’s family actually wanted a big ceremony (only because he was the oldest). But regardless of what they wanted, he supported me because it was my decision and I think that is what’s best tbh. He set the tone so no one came to me asking why I didn’t want a huge wedding etc.
EDIT
My Husband read this response and said I missed something that I should have said. In his words “You guys are a team, and each person is responsible for taking the lead when it comes to their own family. He shouldn’t put you in the firing line when it comes to his family”
I agree, because regardless, he should throw himself under the bus and say ‘I don’t want a wedding’ and that it has nothing to do with you. And then you support him. He should take the lead not you, you are just back up. Say that to him. You should have a sit down with you husband to be, and communicate this issue. Its bigger than a possible wedding, it’s principle. You have my back, I have yours.
Salaam sis
I’m really hoping you can give some insight into this situation as I am unsure what to do.
I have been with my other half for about a year and a half and we are planning to tell our parents we want to get married- he is high functioning and on the spectrum. He can struggle to pick up on social cues and can struggle with feeling overwhelmed/ overstimulated. We have had many conversations about his communication needs and we know what works for us in terms of strategies of how we can support each other in marriage. Visibly he looks very athletic and I think this can sometimes throw people off when they learn he has a different communication style to neurotypical people. ( just adding this for context). He’s such a down to earth, kind person and he adores me and does everything he can to make me happy. I can confidently say that I am in love with him and all my close friends and sisters adore him because they know he will be a great husband/ father. We have had some issues with some of the elders in my family making snide comments and ignorant comments about him and honestly it infuriates me to the point I start cussing people out. My mother is very supportive of us but I know this is getting to her. At one point he said he wanted to break up because he was worried about how all of this was impacting on me and he felt like a burden- we managed to work through this but I’m terrified that my family are going to push him away- I cannot loose him I’ve done everything I can to show him and tell him that im committed despite what other people say.
What would you do in my situation ? Would you cut family off ? Would you try to reason with them ? As much as I love my other half it would break me to have to cut off family members too – despite how shitty they are. Am I selfish to feel like this ? I’m so confused please help.
He sounds like such an incredible person and so are you. Just from your words, I can just tell how protective you are over him and how much he means to you. With that said, this is really a matter of education and patience. As someone who has a niece on the spectrum, she is high functioning too, and I feel the exact same way. Yes it may take her longer to pick up social cues but that she is no different to any other kid. Unfortunately, we come from a culture that is disgustingly ignorant to these types of things.
Despite your family’s short-comings, they do mean a lot to you and are too important to cut off. You need to do him justice, and take the time to educate these your family, but also be very firm. Let them know there is no place for this kind of behavior in your life. I’m trying to come with a very optimistic approach (I’m aware I can be quite fatalistic lol), but after a while, they will see your future Husband exactly how you see him.
If they continue, maybe this is impulsive, but I know if any family member had such disgusting, unfair things to say about my spouse, they will never be given the opportunity to be around us again. You are not married now, but when you are, you have a duty to create boundaries and protect your bubble. This is the new family now.
Hi, your advice was beautiful in regards to the prison bae, so I’m back again. My issue is if I leave imagine I regret it in the future and I’ll live with the what ifs for a long time. And I drive myself crazy in my head with my overthinking & if I stay imagine in the future it doesn’t work out & I wasted all that time. So I’m potentially thinking of being there for him but not being committed?. Seeing my options out there but still be with him and not let him know because he would never do the friends thing it’s either all in or all out with him. So if he does come out and it doesn’t work out at least I won’t hate myself for sitting pretty on the outside I was still getting to know people?
What do u think sis
Wondering what could have happened is better than actually wasting your time and realising you’re being dumb holding a guy down whilst he is IN PRISON. I feel like you’re finding any excuse just to be with him and I wanna let you know Sis, THERE IS NO SHORTAGE OF MEN. Niggas are OUT HERE. 24/7. Anything is better than being with a man who is currently in prison. You’re not gaining anything from it. It’s too much of a gamble for me. Because he can come out and just forget about you. In fact he can come out and say to you “WHO TOLD YOU TO WAIT FOR ME?” and he would be absolutely right. WHO TOLD YOU TO WAIT FOR HIMMMMMM?????
Honestly sis just move on. If he comes out and you guys reconnect, then cool. That’s no problem. BUT WHY ARE YOU GOING TO WAIT FOR HIM???? Subhanallah I wanna shake sense into you. Get to know people without the impression you’re gonna go back to him
love the way you type lula so logical and to the point -i know this is a weird topic but any advice on essay writing your girl is struggling LOOL
Loooool I have never heard this before haha Thank you 🙂 But yeah it’s reading. Getting my kindle in year 8 is what changed the game for me. It helped me see how to articulate everything that I was thinking. That’s the basics. Then you start reading exemplar essays and papers, and plan your essay around that (but in your own words). Eventually you’ll get used to formatting essays and knowing exactly what they want from you.
Hi, I really need advice on when you show the guy you’re talking to your bare face/ no makeup?! It just scares me not because I’m insecure but the thought of their reaction.
Go from wearing makeup, to just wearing minimal make up, then just concealer, brows & lashes, to nothing. If I’m being honest with you real men don’t care
What tips would you give someone who wants to get married in a couple of years to be an ideal wife?
There’s no such thing as being an ideal wife (unless you are getting married to a Husband from the dawn ages), just set out the be a good partner and a team mate to your spouse. That’s what really matters.
Hey Lula,
You keep suggesting to date multiple men etc. Sometimes it can be difficult because you’ll genuinely gravitate towards one, but you can’t let that make you cut off other men till your certain you want him. Chemistry can be so misleading at times. This is why I find it so long and tiresome lmao
I noticed you said you had an amazing spark with your husband when you first met, did you still cut off other guys whilst dating him?
When do you think is best to put all your eggs in one basket?
Also, I love your openness with your marriage yet still respecting it. May Allah protect your marriage and continue to bless it, ameen!
You’re right chemistry can be misleading, that’s why you need to start looking at the facts before you allow yourself to have chemistry with a person. Are they polite? Does it come across like they have their shit together etc? Like you wouldn’t catch me dead having chemistry with a gangbanger because I wouldn’t allow it LOL. The Chemistry has to make sense.
By chance I had literally stopped talking to whoever it was a few days before I met by Husband (When I say a few days I literally mean. a few days). But if I look back at it now, I’d probably cut off every single one for him LMAO. Also because I knew there wasn’t anyone on his level. I think that’s when its best to put all your eggs in one basket. When you know for a FACT you have the real deal.
But yeah, regarding chemistry, I feel like you can really tell when there’s a static charge between you two, like you’re just attracted to each other like magnets. The being drawn to each other is a definite sign. Not having to talk but still mentally having some sort of connection, and both knowing it. You can have chemistry with several people though, but some more than others. Then you experience Chemistry with the holy grail and you’re like nah, this is who I need to be with.
Hi girls,
One of my girl friends I have known my entire life practically has been moving mad. I have noticed a pattern about her on how every guy I’m talking to she ends up following on the gram or chatting to them casually. Sometimes I’ll tell her I think a guy is attractive and she will be on FaceTime with him the next week. I love her and I knew her for ages I just don’t know what to do. Should I cut her off or just not talk about men to her?
Keep your distance with her and stop telling her your moves. Obviously she’s not your friend if she’s doing that you.
What do you think about dating apps? Have and of you heard of any success stories? I feel like it makes me look desperate but… I am
I respect the honesty LMAO.
And a lot of the couples who got married this year met on Muzmatch, so yes, there are successful stories.