So I’m 25 and have never really had a proper relationship before. Had a few talking stages, went on a few dates but nothing serious. I’m a virgin but lately I’ve been feeling more curious sexually and have been thinking more and more about sex. I’ve had a guy hit me up and a few convos turned a little explicit.. I’ve never tried anything sexual before but my curiosity and satan is starting to get the better of me. I’m really scared that soon I’ll give into my desires as the urge is strong and this guy said he won’t take my v but just let me experience a few things. What do I do? How do I stop myself from falling into a sin I’ve avoided for so long because of my growing desires.
I think it’s very natural at some point in your life to feel this way but you have to remember its the Shaytaan in your ear. You just have to stay firm man. Find ways to stay active and consumed in other ways, avoiding idle time because that is the worst, and try to improve your imaan etc. Sex isn’t going anywhere, you’ll get enough of that when you get married. But for right now Wallahi just keep yourself preoccupied with other things like hobbies, praying, fasting, etc.
When it comes to getting to know someone, keep it above the surface. Know when to stop the conversation and call it a night. Avoiding phone calls before bed. You feel me?
Anon
3 years ago
Hey guys, so recently my husband expressed how he wouldn’t mind having a 2nd wife. He’s never mentioned this before however he has been bringing it up more and more recently. I’ve noticed him becoming closer with my sister, laughing together at family functions. The other day I saw her over at mine with my husband whilst I was at work. When I asked why she didn’t let me know she was coming over beforehand, she immediately got defensive. Am I tripping for thinking something is going on?
When a man is asking you a hypothetical question, they are really just testing the waters. Seeing how you respond first before they actually do their fuckeries.
Although polygamy is permissible, you need to ask what are his reasons for wanting a second wife? Does he have the financial capacity to really provide for two wives? Could he be 100% equal to them all at all times? The fact is for the modern man this would be almost impossible.
But anyway regardless, you deserve honesty and straightforwardness. This man is very sly and shady with the way he is going about asking you. Does he respect what you two have enough to be honest and upfront instead of being dodgy and inviting another woman over?
If you do consider to go through with this marriage, you need an ultimatum now. This is the part where you advocate for yourself. This is unacceptable and to me is cheating. If you’re not a woman’s mehram there should be no reason why you and her are together privately. Stand up for yourself
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis! I was just wondering what to do when the bill comes at the end of a date? Like do you make yourself busy? I wouldn’t know how to act 😂
Look him in the eye and give him a generous and gracious thank you with a smile.
Sometimes the gift is in giving, and when we don’t allow someone to give to us, we take that away from them. If you offer to pay half, he may assume you are not comfortable with him paying, and allow you to pay half. Then no one knows what was expected or offered. So what is the point? Assume he is paying because he wants to. If he didn’t want to pay he should not have offered. Men are pretty good at not doing what they don’t want to do. So let him give. Be gracious and let him. Also don’t feel like you have to give anything back either btw, in that case just pay looool.
Anon
3 years ago
My ex of 2 years ghosted me In 2017. The other day he sent me a long message on Snapchat saying how much he missed me and that now he was ready to marry me since he’s done with his studies. It took me a good year and half to get over this man. I was so heartbroken when we broke up. But now that I’m doing good in my life, why is he back? What should I do? He was my first love. I have a lot of love for him. Should I just ignore his message? Idk what to do I’m conflicted
Whilst I believe it takes people a while for them to grow up and realise they’ve made a mistake, its been nearly 4 years. This man is testing the waters. He is missing you because there is something the new girl is not giving him the way you did. Remind yourself how you felt when he left you to pick up the pieces. I understand he was your first love but if he wants you BACK, telling you that he misses you over snapchat is not enough. I need to see fucking flowers mate, them singers outside your house telling you how much he loves you. Not a stupid message over snapchat come on?? This guy is not really serious. He just want’s to see if you’re available.
If he is serious about wanting you back, trust me you WILL know.
Anon
3 years ago
I (25F) I have never really dated guys, I’ve tired online dating apps & that was shambles! I’m just not good at holding conversation and flirting with men I cringe myself out. I’m so awkward and shy otp too! Can you please give me tips on how to be more confident bc by the looks of it I’m staying single forever lol
Keep talking to people. I used to be like this on first rodeo. The more practice you get, the better you will be IM TELLING YOU. Just think of the first few guys you’re talking to as practice, and you have to not care about what they think. Its almost like there’s a switch in the brain that can only be accessed when you’re calm and not anxious, so you literally have to calm yourself down to a point where you don’t care what people think. Obviously when you really attracted to someone it’s much harder but you just have to think of it like this:
If right now I’m awkward, I’ll bottle my chances. Then i’ll completely fuck up and embarrass myself. But if I force this confidence, maybe it will work up and I at least won’t look stupid.
But the point is, I guarantee you will make progress with the more people you talk to. It just takes practice
Anon
3 years ago
Hi sisters,
Although I am young (20) I am interested in getting married in the next few years or so… however I feel like it’s impossible for me to find a man. I don’t feel comfortable enough with myself and my current state and frankly my body to actively search for one either through my parents or matchmaking sites etc so I am currently okay with just working on myself. But I can’t shake off the feeling of being lonely and wanting that romantic affection! My priority is keeping every interaction I have with men strictly halal but I feel as though it’s limiting my options severely; I have absolutely no connections with males outside my family. I’m not well known in my community so I also have no idea how anyone would be able to approach me or my parents for marriage in the first place. I feel very stuck and nervous about my future. Does anyone else relate to this and how can I learn to be satisfied with myself and myself only?
First address body issues because they will only come up later.
If you want to keep it halal then naturally it will shrink your options, but that doesn’t mean that’s a bad thing. In fact theres more barakah in it. But it means you also need to find someone who is trying to go through the halal route ALSO, which probably mean they are not going to approach you, or your family just yet.
If you are committed to doing this the halal way, you need people or mahrams to find suitors for you. That’s the first step. When someone knows theres a sister looking for marriage, that is what makes them aware of you in the first place. Not sure what happens afterwards
But sis, don’t stress yourself about things that haven’t happened for you, theres no point in it. It just makes you feel anxious. But it will happen for you, Leave it to Allah
Anon
3 years ago
Hey,i was talking to this guy for 6 months and we kind of ended on really bad terms,well the whole situation is just crazy tbh.over the whole 6 months we did have our ons and offs but we got through it but then as soon as it going good,i knew it was about to go downhill.one night we stayed up talking all night and everything was amazing, it was like the beginning all over again,he even asked for my dads number!and after that night i almost had myself saying “i love him” but i didn’t.the next day everything was going well until that same night where i see myself blocked for no reason.i tried calling and everything but i was blocked on everything.u tried to figure out what was going on because i was genuinely confused and hurt.this girl i once called a “friend” must’ve stirred the pot and fed him lies about how i was talking to other guys and he wasn’t having it and he started getting disrespectful and then next thing i know is he’s been talking to a girl he once claimed is “like his little sister” and she’s my ex friends bestfriend.also turns out the guy lied to me about his age and was well older than he said and the girl he’s now talking to isn’t even legal yet.i’ve also been trying to get over him and trying to forget but it’s so frustrating because he was someone i genuinely liked,i think i’m just too attached.
This is why I say keep a safe distance between your relationships and your friendship group. Because it rids the opportunity for someone to do wayward stuff like this. I don’t know how she felt even comfortable to go behind your back. She was obviously not a friend to you and that is genuinely not your fault, sometimes ‘friends’ can surprise you. Regardless, next time now you know to keep a safe distance. And this is not because I think friends are capable of this, but its just in general. Don’t discuss too much of your relationship with your friends because it can get very political, and that is only natural tbh. When you overshare you can’t blame people for having an opinion.
For example: Constantly telling your friends your man is not good to you is probably not a good idea, especially when you plan on taking him back. You see the problemo here?
Also, by the sounds of it, this guy is not much of a loss. He began relationships with the girl ‘he sees a sister’ (don’t they all LOL) and he lied to you about his age? Listen to me, this whole thing this is a success! In fact you killed two birds with one stone, you caught out this compulsive liar and you discovered a snake in the friendship group. Congratulations!! I understand you are upset but this is Allah swt showing you these people are not good for you and don’t deserve to be in your life. Try to see the good in it, it’ll make you feel better
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis, this might be a long dilemma but here goes- I am the eldest daughter in my family and I am treated like qashin. I live at home for university (rookie mistake I made at 18 that I hate myself for) and am finding it difficult to cope with all of the stress. My hooyo expects the world from me and nothing I do will ever please her- she takes any opportunity to criticise me for literally nothing, aabe is never here and when I tell him about the abuse he dismisses it. I have no support from any of my family members, I have no elder cousins or siblings to talk to and am feeling so alone rn. Hooyo has said vile things to me, like telling me she wishes I’d kill myself despite knowing about my struggles with mental health. I’ve had several breakdowns infront of her and aabe and they pin it down to me being “posessed”. She is vile to me one minute then nice to me the next second and as soon as I wonder if it was all in my head she starts her shit again.
I’ve been trying to leave the house more and come home late but that starts another problem. I have several jobs and have stopped contributing to the household as a reaction to her abuse and I’ve completely withdrawn from my family. Despite being every parents dream curad for the past two decades of my life, my withdrawal as a reaction to my toxic family has demonised me even more- now everyone blames me for my moms behaviour. Extended family even jump in during the abuse- for example, my aunty slapped me and said equally horrible things that was dismissed. I’m not a quiet person so I let everyone know about this behaviour towards me but its being overlooked and it makes me feel like I am crazy.
What makes it worse is that everytime I interact with her, memories from my childhood are triggered and its obvious that I have been hated since the day I was born. Small things like my mother celebrating all my siblings birthdays and not mine, being proud of their small milestones but overlooking every single time I have been top of the class. I’ve been reading a lot of books and information on toxic family dynamics and the ‘scapegoat’ child and I’m in constant pain and shock at how a family I was born into could hate me so much. I am triggered everytime I go on social media and see people have healthy relationships with their mother and families because its not my reality. This whole ordeal has made me feel extremely suicidal and alone, I have no hope for the future and feel like I have nothing to live for. My imaan and faith has been impacted- I feel like everytime I pray, my prayers are being ignored (which is not true) and that even Allah doesn’t want me.
I know the answer is to move out and escape but I still have a few more years of university left and its also not guaranteed I will have a steady income if I don’t get a graduate job. I cant move out because its going to make it even more apparent how alone I am and I will have no connection with family or a home to turn back to once I leave.
Please give me some advice on what a sis should do- & thank you in advance
Just be civil with your mum, wallahi there is not much you can do. You can’t cut her off either because Jannah lies at the feet of your Mother. Regardless of how she treats you, you are best to forget it and treat her very well otherwise you will NEVER enter Paradise. No matter what good you did in this world, none of it will matter if you’re not good with your Mother. This is something I’ve had to remind myself constantly and trust me I understand you, however, it doesn’t change the facts.
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship not except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both reach old age (while) with you, say not to them ‘uff’ (i.e., sounds of disapproval or irritation) and do not repel them but speak a noble word to them.” [Surah Al-Isra, verse 23]
Your mother is your mother at the end of the day. And if you care about where you’re going, you need to just be civil. Bite your tongue, practice having sabr for her and also save up, so you can leave that house eventually for the future.
The best advice I can give you is to try and repair your relationship with your Mother. It will probably be an endless cycle of her howling abuse and and you will experience a lot of frustration, but you still have to try. Sometimes Allah swt tests you with family. You have to maintain having sabr for your Mother and yes it is more than just waiting. It is continuing to be patient whilst always trusting in Allah swt. Even if you get tired**, you put your trust in Allah swt. Even if a calamity befalls you, you trust in him. Outwardly you’re doing everything you can but inwardly you’re at peace with just waiting. I know it’s hard but wallahi sometimes, that’s just how it is.
You won’t be at home for long, I know it seems like you’ll be there forever but sometimes illahi blesses you with a different kind of escape. You may be offered a job abroad, you might get married and get to move out or you may get a council house, you never know. Just have sabr sis, you got this.
Anon
3 years ago
Salams lula and Ladan
Girls help me out !! I met this guy on a Muslim marriage app( won’t mention which one) right away the brother was talking marriage within the first week . I told him we needed to get to know eachother better first to see if we are compatible. He tells me we can’t get to know eachother for real until we get married. I was not convinced to jump into marriage right away . Anyways we exchanged numbers and he was calling every night everyday for a week,so one night I was really exhausted and fell asleep early. He called me the next morning worrying what has happened to me I explained and apologised . Next night he completely ignored me and the next morning he was like i got used to you falling asleep so I didn’t bother .
I started noticing contradictions in things he has told me before and what he tells me later simple things like where he was born ( that’s a minor thing but in my head I am thinking what else is he lying about)
This brother is a prime example of someone who just wants to get married and doesn’t care who the hell it is he is getting married to, as long as its a woman. That’s number one. He is also very emotionally manipulative and this just sounds like a preview of how far he can really go. I was literally reading this dilemma out with my aunt and she was like wooooah. This guy is incredibly petty, for him to ignore you just because you didn’t speak to him for one night is peak controlling behaviour. And on top of that he is a compulsive liar? Run a mile mate this guy has issues
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girl hope your well inshaAllah. Me and my mcm have been talking for the last 6months we’re planning on getting married sometime next year . He’s a great guy but one thing I just can’t get into is being vulnerable with him , when I have bad days being able to tell him , when I get into it with my family some issues I face with my mother and sister. I just can’t seem to tell him.there are days where I’ve had shit days because of problems and I’ll act as if I’m fine when he asks how’s my day been . It’s not that he makes it feel me like I can’t be vulnerable with him , it’s nothing from his side . I’m just scared that he’ll look at my differently or just think I’ve got way too many issues lol. For example I’m not close with my mum I’m closer with my dad but he’s the opposite and he always talks of his mum being his bestie if I told him about my issues with my mum I don’t want him to look at me like wtf.
Basically I want to be open vulnerable tell him my good bad telling my secrets but because I’m the sort of person that keeps shit to herself I’m unable to be open with him . Any advice appreciated xxx
Being vulnerable takes fucking courage. When people can’t open up, I understand. I was definitely like this too. Looking back now I 100% believe I was holding myself back from truly experiencing beautiful and sincere connections with people. Without vulnerability and honesty, there will always be something missing in your relationships with people. Being completely transparent honestly takes all relationships to the next level, because theres no holding back.
People are really forgiving. I used to think my true friends or family would care about my faults or think less of me if I couldn’t do everything, but they really didn’t. No one ever saw me differently. People also respect and trust you more when you can be vulnerable with them. And they will be open with you as well, making that connection just better.
Watch that tedtalk. And the next time you see him, each week share something new about yourself that not many people know about. And slowly you’ll be able to start sharing some of the darker stuff that’s really hard for you. It also benefits you to see how he will react when he hears those things, because you want a Husband who is understanding and patient with you.
Allow yourself to open up and I promise you it will be the best and sweetest thing you ever did. After you open up, you’ll never ever feel alone
So I’m 25 and have never really had a proper relationship before. Had a few talking stages, went on a few dates but nothing serious. I’m a virgin but lately I’ve been feeling more curious sexually and have been thinking more and more about sex. I’ve had a guy hit me up and a few convos turned a little explicit.. I’ve never tried anything sexual before but my curiosity and satan is starting to get the better of me. I’m really scared that soon I’ll give into my desires as the urge is strong and this guy said he won’t take my v but just let me experience a few things. What do I do? How do I stop myself from falling into a sin I’ve avoided for so long because of my growing desires.
I think it’s very natural at some point in your life to feel this way but you have to remember its the Shaytaan in your ear. You just have to stay firm man. Find ways to stay active and consumed in other ways, avoiding idle time because that is the worst, and try to improve your imaan etc. Sex isn’t going anywhere, you’ll get enough of that when you get married. But for right now Wallahi just keep yourself preoccupied with other things like hobbies, praying, fasting, etc.
When it comes to getting to know someone, keep it above the surface. Know when to stop the conversation and call it a night. Avoiding phone calls before bed. You feel me?
Hey guys, so recently my husband expressed how he wouldn’t mind having a 2nd wife. He’s never mentioned this before however he has been bringing it up more and more recently. I’ve noticed him becoming closer with my sister, laughing together at family functions. The other day I saw her over at mine with my husband whilst I was at work. When I asked why she didn’t let me know she was coming over beforehand, she immediately got defensive. Am I tripping for thinking something is going on?
Something is absolutely going on.
When a man is asking you a hypothetical question, they are really just testing the waters. Seeing how you respond first before they actually do their fuckeries.
Although polygamy is permissible, you need to ask what are his reasons for wanting a second wife? Does he have the financial capacity to really provide for two wives? Could he be 100% equal to them all at all times? The fact is for the modern man this would be almost impossible.
But anyway regardless, you deserve honesty and straightforwardness. This man is very sly and shady with the way he is going about asking you. Does he respect what you two have enough to be honest and upfront instead of being dodgy and inviting another woman over?
If you do consider to go through with this marriage, you need an ultimatum now. This is the part where you advocate for yourself. This is unacceptable and to me is cheating. If you’re not a woman’s mehram there should be no reason why you and her are together privately. Stand up for yourself
Hey sis! I was just wondering what to do when the bill comes at the end of a date? Like do you make yourself busy? I wouldn’t know how to act 😂
Look him in the eye and give him a generous and gracious thank you with a smile.
Sometimes the gift is in giving, and when we don’t allow someone to give to us, we take that away from them. If you offer to pay half, he may assume you are not comfortable with him paying, and allow you to pay half. Then no one knows what was expected or offered. So what is the point? Assume he is paying because he wants to. If he didn’t want to pay he should not have offered. Men are pretty good at not doing what they don’t want to do. So let him give. Be gracious and let him. Also don’t feel like you have to give anything back either btw, in that case just pay looool.
My ex of 2 years ghosted me In 2017. The other day he sent me a long message on Snapchat saying how much he missed me and that now he was ready to marry me since he’s done with his studies. It took me a good year and half to get over this man. I was so heartbroken when we broke up. But now that I’m doing good in my life, why is he back? What should I do? He was my first love. I have a lot of love for him. Should I just ignore his message? Idk what to do I’m conflicted
Whilst I believe it takes people a while for them to grow up and realise they’ve made a mistake, its been nearly 4 years. This man is testing the waters. He is missing you because there is something the new girl is not giving him the way you did. Remind yourself how you felt when he left you to pick up the pieces. I understand he was your first love but if he wants you BACK, telling you that he misses you over snapchat is not enough. I need to see fucking flowers mate, them singers outside your house telling you how much he loves you. Not a stupid message over snapchat come on?? This guy is not really serious. He just want’s to see if you’re available.
If he is serious about wanting you back, trust me you WILL know.
I (25F) I have never really dated guys, I’ve tired online dating apps & that was shambles! I’m just not good at holding conversation and flirting with men I cringe myself out. I’m so awkward and shy otp too! Can you please give me tips on how to be more confident bc by the looks of it I’m staying single forever lol
Practice baby, it’s all about practice.
Keep talking to people. I used to be like this on first rodeo. The more practice you get, the better you will be IM TELLING YOU. Just think of the first few guys you’re talking to as practice, and you have to not care about what they think. Its almost like there’s a switch in the brain that can only be accessed when you’re calm and not anxious, so you literally have to calm yourself down to a point where you don’t care what people think. Obviously when you really attracted to someone it’s much harder but you just have to think of it like this:
If right now I’m awkward, I’ll bottle my chances. Then i’ll completely fuck up and embarrass myself. But if I force this confidence, maybe it will work up and I at least won’t look stupid.
But the point is, I guarantee you will make progress with the more people you talk to. It just takes practice
Hi sisters,
Although I am young (20) I am interested in getting married in the next few years or so… however I feel like it’s impossible for me to find a man. I don’t feel comfortable enough with myself and my current state and frankly my body to actively search for one either through my parents or matchmaking sites etc so I am currently okay with just working on myself. But I can’t shake off the feeling of being lonely and wanting that romantic affection! My priority is keeping every interaction I have with men strictly halal but I feel as though it’s limiting my options severely; I have absolutely no connections with males outside my family. I’m not well known in my community so I also have no idea how anyone would be able to approach me or my parents for marriage in the first place. I feel very stuck and nervous about my future. Does anyone else relate to this and how can I learn to be satisfied with myself and myself only?
First address body issues because they will only come up later.
If you want to keep it halal then naturally it will shrink your options, but that doesn’t mean that’s a bad thing. In fact theres more barakah in it. But it means you also need to find someone who is trying to go through the halal route ALSO, which probably mean they are not going to approach you, or your family just yet.
If you are committed to doing this the halal way, you need people or mahrams to find suitors for you. That’s the first step. When someone knows theres a sister looking for marriage, that is what makes them aware of you in the first place. Not sure what happens afterwards
But sis, don’t stress yourself about things that haven’t happened for you, theres no point in it. It just makes you feel anxious. But it will happen for you, Leave it to Allah
Hey,i was talking to this guy for 6 months and we kind of ended on really bad terms,well the whole situation is just crazy tbh.over the whole 6 months we did have our ons and offs but we got through it but then as soon as it going good,i knew it was about to go downhill.one night we stayed up talking all night and everything was amazing, it was like the beginning all over again,he even asked for my dads number!and after that night i almost had myself saying “i love him” but i didn’t.the next day everything was going well until that same night where i see myself blocked for no reason.i tried calling and everything but i was blocked on everything.u tried to figure out what was going on because i was genuinely confused and hurt.this girl i once called a “friend” must’ve stirred the pot and fed him lies about how i was talking to other guys and he wasn’t having it and he started getting disrespectful and then next thing i know is he’s been talking to a girl he once claimed is “like his little sister” and she’s my ex friends bestfriend.also turns out the guy lied to me about his age and was well older than he said and the girl he’s now talking to isn’t even legal yet.i’ve also been trying to get over him and trying to forget but it’s so frustrating because he was someone i genuinely liked,i think i’m just too attached.
This is why I say keep a safe distance between your relationships and your friendship group. Because it rids the opportunity for someone to do wayward stuff like this. I don’t know how she felt even comfortable to go behind your back. She was obviously not a friend to you and that is genuinely not your fault, sometimes ‘friends’ can surprise you. Regardless, next time now you know to keep a safe distance. And this is not because I think friends are capable of this, but its just in general. Don’t discuss too much of your relationship with your friends because it can get very political, and that is only natural tbh. When you overshare you can’t blame people for having an opinion.
For example: Constantly telling your friends your man is not good to you is probably not a good idea, especially when you plan on taking him back. You see the problemo here?
Also, by the sounds of it, this guy is not much of a loss. He began relationships with the girl ‘he sees a sister’ (don’t they all LOL) and he lied to you about his age? Listen to me, this whole thing this is a success! In fact you killed two birds with one stone, you caught out this compulsive liar and you discovered a snake in the friendship group. Congratulations!! I understand you are upset but this is Allah swt showing you these people are not good for you and don’t deserve to be in your life. Try to see the good in it, it’ll make you feel better
Hey sis, this might be a long dilemma but here goes- I am the eldest daughter in my family and I am treated like qashin. I live at home for university (rookie mistake I made at 18 that I hate myself for) and am finding it difficult to cope with all of the stress. My hooyo expects the world from me and nothing I do will ever please her- she takes any opportunity to criticise me for literally nothing, aabe is never here and when I tell him about the abuse he dismisses it. I have no support from any of my family members, I have no elder cousins or siblings to talk to and am feeling so alone rn. Hooyo has said vile things to me, like telling me she wishes I’d kill myself despite knowing about my struggles with mental health. I’ve had several breakdowns infront of her and aabe and they pin it down to me being “posessed”. She is vile to me one minute then nice to me the next second and as soon as I wonder if it was all in my head she starts her shit again.
I’ve been trying to leave the house more and come home late but that starts another problem. I have several jobs and have stopped contributing to the household as a reaction to her abuse and I’ve completely withdrawn from my family. Despite being every parents dream curad for the past two decades of my life, my withdrawal as a reaction to my toxic family has demonised me even more- now everyone blames me for my moms behaviour. Extended family even jump in during the abuse- for example, my aunty slapped me and said equally horrible things that was dismissed. I’m not a quiet person so I let everyone know about this behaviour towards me but its being overlooked and it makes me feel like I am crazy.
What makes it worse is that everytime I interact with her, memories from my childhood are triggered and its obvious that I have been hated since the day I was born. Small things like my mother celebrating all my siblings birthdays and not mine, being proud of their small milestones but overlooking every single time I have been top of the class. I’ve been reading a lot of books and information on toxic family dynamics and the ‘scapegoat’ child and I’m in constant pain and shock at how a family I was born into could hate me so much. I am triggered everytime I go on social media and see people have healthy relationships with their mother and families because its not my reality. This whole ordeal has made me feel extremely suicidal and alone, I have no hope for the future and feel like I have nothing to live for. My imaan and faith has been impacted- I feel like everytime I pray, my prayers are being ignored (which is not true) and that even Allah doesn’t want me.
I know the answer is to move out and escape but I still have a few more years of university left and its also not guaranteed I will have a steady income if I don’t get a graduate job. I cant move out because its going to make it even more apparent how alone I am and I will have no connection with family or a home to turn back to once I leave.
Please give me some advice on what a sis should do- & thank you in advance
Just be civil with your mum, wallahi there is not much you can do. You can’t cut her off either because Jannah lies at the feet of your Mother. Regardless of how she treats you, you are best to forget it and treat her very well otherwise you will NEVER enter Paradise. No matter what good you did in this world, none of it will matter if you’re not good with your Mother. This is something I’ve had to remind myself constantly and trust me I understand you, however, it doesn’t change the facts.
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship not except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both reach old age (while) with you, say not to them ‘uff’ (i.e., sounds of disapproval or irritation) and do not repel them but speak a noble word to them.” [Surah Al-Isra, verse 23]
Your mother is your mother at the end of the day. And if you care about where you’re going, you need to just be civil. Bite your tongue, practice having sabr for her and also save up, so you can leave that house eventually for the future.
The best advice I can give you is to try and repair your relationship with your Mother. It will probably be an endless cycle of her howling abuse and and you will experience a lot of frustration, but you still have to try. Sometimes Allah swt tests you with family. You have to maintain having sabr for your Mother and yes it is more than just waiting. It is continuing to be patient whilst always trusting in Allah swt. Even if you get tired**, you put your trust in Allah swt. Even if a calamity befalls you, you trust in him. Outwardly you’re doing everything you can but inwardly you’re at peace with just waiting. I know it’s hard but wallahi sometimes, that’s just how it is.
You won’t be at home for long, I know it seems like you’ll be there forever but sometimes illahi blesses you with a different kind of escape. You may be offered a job abroad, you might get married and get to move out or you may get a council house, you never know. Just have sabr sis, you got this.
Salams lula and Ladan
Girls help me out !! I met this guy on a Muslim marriage app( won’t mention which one) right away the brother was talking marriage within the first week . I told him we needed to get to know eachother better first to see if we are compatible. He tells me we can’t get to know eachother for real until we get married. I was not convinced to jump into marriage right away . Anyways we exchanged numbers and he was calling every night everyday for a week,so one night I was really exhausted and fell asleep early. He called me the next morning worrying what has happened to me I explained and apologised . Next night he completely ignored me and the next morning he was like i got used to you falling asleep so I didn’t bother .
I started noticing contradictions in things he has told me before and what he tells me later simple things like where he was born ( that’s a minor thing but in my head I am thinking what else is he lying about)
This brother is a prime example of someone who just wants to get married and doesn’t care who the hell it is he is getting married to, as long as its a woman. That’s number one. He is also very emotionally manipulative and this just sounds like a preview of how far he can really go. I was literally reading this dilemma out with my aunt and she was like wooooah. This guy is incredibly petty, for him to ignore you just because you didn’t speak to him for one night is peak controlling behaviour. And on top of that he is a compulsive liar? Run a mile mate this guy has issues
Hey girl hope your well inshaAllah. Me and my mcm have been talking for the last 6months we’re planning on getting married sometime next year . He’s a great guy but one thing I just can’t get into is being vulnerable with him , when I have bad days being able to tell him , when I get into it with my family some issues I face with my mother and sister. I just can’t seem to tell him.there are days where I’ve had shit days because of problems and I’ll act as if I’m fine when he asks how’s my day been . It’s not that he makes it feel me like I can’t be vulnerable with him , it’s nothing from his side . I’m just scared that he’ll look at my differently or just think I’ve got way too many issues lol. For example I’m not close with my mum I’m closer with my dad but he’s the opposite and he always talks of his mum being his bestie if I told him about my issues with my mum I don’t want him to look at me like wtf.
Basically I want to be open vulnerable tell him my good bad telling my secrets but because I’m the sort of person that keeps shit to herself I’m unable to be open with him . Any advice appreciated xxx
Watch this ted talk, wallah it is one of my favourites. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
Being vulnerable takes fucking courage. When people can’t open up, I understand. I was definitely like this too. Looking back now I 100% believe I was holding myself back from truly experiencing beautiful and sincere connections with people. Without vulnerability and honesty, there will always be something missing in your relationships with people. Being completely transparent honestly takes all relationships to the next level, because theres no holding back.
People are really forgiving. I used to think my true friends or family would care about my faults or think less of me if I couldn’t do everything, but they really didn’t. No one ever saw me differently. People also respect and trust you more when you can be vulnerable with them. And they will be open with you as well, making that connection just better.
Watch that tedtalk. And the next time you see him, each week share something new about yourself that not many people know about. And slowly you’ll be able to start sharing some of the darker stuff that’s really hard for you. It also benefits you to see how he will react when he hears those things, because you want a Husband who is understanding and patient with you.
Allow yourself to open up and I promise you it will be the best and sweetest thing you ever did. After you open up, you’ll never ever feel alone