Hi sis. I have a real conundrum. I’m not even surprised tbh my life is full of strange affairs I’m used to it now. Anyway I’m a practicing sister and hence why this situation is bothering me. I’ve been married for a year now and I’ve kind of been growing apart from my husband since we’re just so dissimilar and don’t even click. However I always catch myself regretting and thinking about an ex. I was young at the time and ended things with him for really ridiculous reasons. Looking back now I know he probably was the one. He’s married and has a daughter now. However the issue is, he messaged me trying to reach out to me again and said he is divorced ( I didn’t know about his divorce) I told him that I’m a married woman etc and ended it there. But it still lingers in my mind. I can’t see my marriage lasting tbh. If it was to end, would I be stupid to go back to the past that I let go of. Furthermore with a child in the picture that isn’t mine. For some reason my mind and heart can’t move forward from him. Even though I haven’t seen him in 3 years. And even the one time we met ages ago it was just one date. Am I mad for entertaining this. I always kick myself and regret letting him go 3 years ago. Sometimes you can tell someone is your person but in the moment you’re not wise enough to see it.
Should I let this go and strive to make things work with my husband and even if that doesn’t work I’m early 20s should I pursue something completely new. Or hold out for this.
Whilst I can appreciate you and your husband are struggling to connect right now, are you sure that these feelings towards your Husband isn’t because you are missing your ex and not actually because you guys are dissimilar? I think you need to be honest with yourself a little bit.
I get it, you were just a girl when you were dating this other guy, and now you’re a big woman with all these responsibilities. Your ex though reminds you of a younger you, when you could do things on a whim. But now you’re married. And when you saw your ex get married to someone else, that probably really hurt you. You probably started to see him as that one that got away, when it actuality you guys never were meant to be together. I think in general people make things out to be better than they were in their minds. And that is all it is.
He was your first relationship it’s understandable that you keep remembering it but they are just that now, memories and that is all History now. Wallahi it is in your best interest to let it go, because no good can come from it.
Let’s say he does declare his love for you, what then? Would you really leave your husband for this man? His relationship has already broken down, which is why he is divorced. As much as you say you and your husband aren’t connecting, you’re still married. Are you really going to divorce him? Because that’s the only thing you can do. Because having an affair is a grave sin and wallahi you do not want to do that. But let’s say you do divorce him, what would you do then, are you going to get married to this ex straight away? No because it doesn’t happen like that.
This is a situation where the more weight you give it, the more weight it will have. Cut contact with this man, and rid him entirely of your thoughts. Make effort with your husband. wallahi sometimes the grass is not greener on the other side. The reality in front of you is better than the fantasy in your head I’m telling you.
But yes, if this marriage were to end, you are well within your rightS to go back. But don’t end things so you can go back.
Anon
3 years ago
Loving this platform! Honestly for someone who doesn’t have a big sister this is making me feel like I have two now.
Okay so there’s this boy that I’ve been talking to for a few months now. He has a lot of good traits like he’s kind, cares about me, has ambition and I’m attracted to him. Problem is he barely ever makes me laugh. Even if he does it’s probably just a small one. I am a person that likes to laugh a lot and I really value those friendships where I have that. Also we’re both still in uni, but I sometimes find him a bit immature. Like he’s not very open about his emotions and I think he’s afraid of looking like a “simp”. Is that a valid reason to stop talking to someone or shall I give it time?
It doesn’t matter how great he is in other areas. Making you laugh is pretty damn important. Of the utmost importance in fact. The crème de la crème. The holy grail. Making me laugh until my stomach hurts and my eyes starting tearing? That is honestly what makes a man so sexy and attractive to me. If a man doesn’t have that, it’s a definite deal breaker. And the reason I say this is because If you guys get together, you’re going to spend a lot of time with each other. Sense of humors need to make sense.
But also maybe try to read the room a little bit. Is he just getting comfortable with you or is he straight up just NOT funny? Some guys take a while to settle in, and you can tell he’s one of those from when he says he doesn’t want to seem like a ‘simp’.
Anon
3 years ago
asalamalakum Girls, i hope everything is going well with you all, I recently got married a couple of weeks ago and i haven’t been able to do anything with my husband sexual wise. I’m a victim of fgm and i don’t really know what to do and for some reason i’m really scared of asking my sisters and i’m afraid that if i go to the hospital i’ll have surgery and i honestly don’t want anyone to know. i would really appreciate if y’all could advise me on what to.
I am so sorry that happened to you. Subhanallah my absolutely sinks whenever I hear these stories. I hope that you continue to heal. You are one of the strongest individuals out there, you’ve survived and you are dedicated to keep going. Continue being the brave woman you are.
There is a lot of help available for you. I searched online and there are so many links to charities, I’ve attached one below that links you to all others.
Also contact your GP so they can also give you some options. It also might be good to ask to be referred to genital reconstructive surgery. If you are able to feel something anything your nerves and sensation to the clitoris are probably still intact.
Communicate to your Husband about your concerns regarding intimacy. Let him be there for you because you are going to need support moving forward. Don’t be scared. You don’t have to tell friends or family but you need to tell your Husband and a Doctor.
Again, I am so sorry to hear this. Right now you just need to keep swimming and at least try to correct what has been done to you. Keep swimming sis. And May those that have done this to you be dealt with accordingly
Anon
3 years ago
Hi Lula and Ladan!
My dilemma is that in the one year I’ve been with my boyfriend he’s never taken me on a date. He only gave me one gift on my bday and he doesn’t give any other romantic gestures.
Recently he’s been really busy working and he promised he would make it up to me with a date. When the time came he basically said he doesn’t know what to do but I didn’t suggest anything because I wanted him to lead and take initiative. He took this as me not being interested.
I’ve stopped talking to him because of this as it’s honestly really turned me off but he’s young and getting his life together. Apart from this he’s very gentlemanly and supports me, he gives me anything I ask but I don’t want to be the one asking for everything.
In the beginning I let him know that I wanted him to take me on a date and give me flowers and gifts even if it’s not a special occasion and I didn’t want to keep nagging so I gave him time to do these things but it just never happens or gets brought up again unless I do it.
I feel like this is minor and we’re already set to get married and our families have been told and everything so idk if I’m being dramatic.
Even though you were very clear with your standards in the beginning, you didn’t follow through. I find it very hard to believe that you can be with someone for a year and not go on a single date? How did you guys first see each other? I might be wrong here but was it one of those small link ups that are not necessarily a date, and then it just became the standard (a lot of guys do this to avoid taking women on a date btw). But in that case, this is how you set the tone.
The first few months are the most crucial because it really does determine what your relationship in the future could look like. It’s very hard to change someone after they are used to doing something for so long. Unfortunately in this case, homeboy is comfyyyyy doing the bare minimum. You sold yourself short. In fact, you shouldn’t have even seen him first until he planned a nice date and that’s the absolute honesty. If anything, you taught him that he could marry you without even doing the bare minimum of taking you out and treating you like the lady you are. He clearly is not a gentleman and yeah he may do nice things for you, but a gentleman is not someone who has to be told to be a gentleman. You’re leading this relationship too much.
Wallahi I whole heartedly understand your concern, because for me this isn definitely a major issue. You want romance, not someone having to be told what to do. Affection and romanticism are very important to you, they are clearly something you need in a relationship. If he is unable to meet that need you will not be happy. So in this case, what do you do now that the parents have met? Wallahi it’s time for crisis talks.
I hope I don’t sound too dramatic or harsh but it’s honestly because when you get married you will start resenting him for it. Like I just know it. That is the brutal honesty and someone needs to tell you. And it will be worse because you will look at other couples and feel envy because he’s not doing this for you. And it will only be natural for you to feel that way. So in my mind, get ahead of the problem before you guys even get married.
1) Let him know if this is what married life will look like for you then you won’t go through with it
I would have also said to tell him clearly what you expect from him, but the issue is you already did, he just doesn’t care. So let him know, if this is the case, then you guys are simply not compatible.
2) Push the nikkah to a later date.
I say this because if you marry him despite how this makes you feel, and knowing that he doesn’t meet your needs, that is settling. Anyone encouraging you otherwise is encouraging you to settle.
3) Only move forward when your needs are being met.
That is the upmost priority now. It is easier to demand things now whilst you are still unmarried. Because once you are married and he still isn’t making you happy, you’ll feel stuck.
Anon
3 years ago
Hello! I love this platform but I do have a suggestion. I feel like it would be good if you guys implement a comment section under each question so more people can share their thoughts?
They don’t need to be posted straight away and both Lula and Ladan could review each comment before allowing it to be seen to make sure there’s nothing inappropriate but I I think it would be amazing for other sisters or even brothers to give their opinion for extra guidance!
Thank you! In fact we were actually thinking about this, to include a forum so people can share their opinions, obviously it will have to be moderated. I honestly love how people will come back to message their opinions so I think it would definitely be nice if this aspect was public so everyone can see it.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girlies, I love this page and inshallah may it continue to flourish. Is my friend getting kawalised?
She’s talking to this guy that she met at work (sees him 9-5 everyday type ish) and it’s become more flirty over the last 3 months, but he’s not truly expressed how he feels. Like he does all the stuff a man would do in a relationship I.e being intimate, opening up to her but hasn’t said where he sees it going. This man said he has love for her, when I heard this bs I was shocked, scared even bc if that’s not a cop out idk what is. When asked what I think of the situation I don’t wanna sound too pessimistic but with this + all the other smaller red flags it does sound like she’s getting finessed into that grey area. Imo it’s very convenient for him to not tell her his “feelings” for her, but what do you guys think?
If I’m being honest, he is probably stringing her along. Sometimes guys just like the company and attention you give them, but they have no intentions of taking it further. They just like the benefit of you being around.
But if I’m being completely honest, I understand she is your friend and you want the very best for her, but you have to stay out of it. Sometimes friends really have to learn for themselves. Those who cannot hear MUST FEEL. I’m sure she can see the red flags for herself, she is just ignoring them.
Also if you say anything, she will probably start looking at you like you’re not happy for her. So in my honest opinion, stop talking pills for other people’s headache. Let her do what she wants.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey ladies got a dilemma, love your page btw you’re so cute May Allah bless you & Ladan. So I have been talking to this guy for just over a year now started off as friends and then it got serious developed feelings & they were mutual for us both. I like this guy a lot he is the first guy who has ticked nearly all my boxes he’s perfect. However I broke up with a guy who I was never actually official with but had been speaking to for over a yearish & it ended for good in the summer he was dodgy and just an outright qasaaro I hated him. Fast forward a couple months of talking to this new guy old guy pops back into my life begging for forgiveness & wanting me back but I really don’t want him he makes me sick & very uncomfortable. I want him to leave me alone for good and to never bother me again. I didn’t tell the new guy about him because I was so embarrassed & didn’t want to scare him away. How do I get an obsessed ex to leave me alone & prevent him from ruining my life any further including my relationship with the new guy?
Firstly, stop giving this old guy any energy. Ignore him. The more energy you give him, the more relevance he will have. Block him off of everywhere. Twitter, Instagram, Whatsapp. EVERYWHERE.
If you guys have mutual friends, distance yourself from them too. Do not leave any opportunity for him to contact you. And don’t tell this new guy about him either because you’ll probably scare him off. Keep it to yourself.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls
I’ve been with someone who I’ve meaning to leave for a while. He’s unable to work due to legal reasons (not sure how long until he’s able to), so I’ve had to pay for a lot of things, when we go out, clothes, phone bills etc., bare in mind I’m 21 and he’s 24. I didn’t mind until I realised I’m giving way more than I’m getting in this. Had the money been the only issue and he was so amazing to me, I could have waited until he’s able to work again, but I’ve had to beg for effort at times and his response to that is that the only thing I’m doing different to him is spending money and that he can’t buy me gifts and things atm. I try to explain that it doesn’t always cost to make effort, that I’m not asking for gifts but rather small gestures to show love/appreciation? I’ve told him I’m leaving because I’ve had enough of begging for what I should be getting anyways because of the other areas that he can’t do anything in right now. I was upset for a whole week and he was not making any changes, he had the chance to make extra effort that week, instead he was just apologising saying look stop repeating yourself, you’re going to see that I make the effort anyways. Now that I’m finally over being upset and almost ready to move on, he’s really trying to up his game, although he wasn’t that whole week that I was upset (make it make sense), I feel like he’s only making ‘effort’ now because it’s convenient for him, he’s at home not going out with his friends.
The plot twist is that around the same time, an old friend added me on Facebook and has been expressing his feelings towards me. I can see that this man is practicing to an extent (unlike the above person), he makes much more effort to speak to me (although I’m aware that this is what most guys would do when it’s early days anyways, so I’m taking it with a pinch of salt). Nevertheless, he’s changed a lot from when I last knew him and I honestly see myself with him more than I do my current ‘man’.
Btw I only spoke to this guy on Facebook when I told my man that I’m done with him. Although I was kind of in the stages of leaving, I was willing to give my man another chance but now that this other man is in the picture, I feel like my head is all over the place.
I did want to fully leave this unhappy relationship but I’ve kind of stopped myself because I feel like I’m doing it just for this other man, subconsciously. It’s weird because whether he was in the picture or not, I was ready to leave but now that I know he’s around, I’m sticking around longer just to prove to myself that this is not the case. I’m just super confused on the right thing to do! I’m not speaking to the Facebook guy just out of respect for this guy until everything is really khalas, but I don’t want to think of him as the end goal.
This is exactly what happens when a woman has mentally checked out of a relationship. I’ve heard of situations like this before, where towards the end of a relationship, you stop giving a fuck whether or not a person will change or not, your main concern is just to be done with the relationship. Obviously it’s a shit situation, but you know what, good for you. Whatever you said in your first paragraph is exactly what I would have raised with you. At 21 years old you have no business being a man’s benefactor. I’m glad you are starting to see that for yourself. Unfortunately, he has his own reasons as to why he can’t work and get his shit together but that has nothing to do with you sis. Never ever give a man money. Because look at how they take advantage of you. And then on top of that, he doesn’t even make an effort with you?
Of course he is going to try and up his game! His sugar mommy is trying to leave him. That’s what it is, he benefits too much having you and if he is going to continue having any more legal issues, oh he gone need you. In fact, he might even ask to marry you for this exact reason.
Leave this man and go for someone more suited for you, like this current old friend that has recently reached out to you.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis, I’m in a situation and need a bit of advice. My friends and my female cousin are telling me one thing and my heart is telling me another. I’ve been dating this guy for over 2 years now and he’s been the sweetest to me; took care of me when I was ill and buys me flowers here and there. He says he works but when I asked him where he worked at he never told me, he said “don’t worry I’m pattered g and as long as you’re with me I got you too babes”. He promised me he will marry me but he’s been delaying it for about 3 months now. About a year ago he was in a situation where he owed a person “roadman” £10,000 and without hesitation I took that out of my savings and when I asked him if he was gonna pay me back he said “I’ll put that £10k towards your mehr” and I thought that was cute. It was his birthday 2 months ago and I wanted to do something special since on my birthday he did something romantic for me (booked a hotel and bought me my favourite chocolate) so I bought him a bmw 4 series 2021 which costed me £65k which I paid in cash and put it under his name. He keeps telling me loves me and I even met my mother so please help me I’m really stuck. Shall I have sabr and trust him or shall I just move on.
This is abysmal. What possessed you to give this man 10,000 of your hard earned money and then, to go out and buy him a car? How much money do you have sis??? At 21 as well. Nah I can’t believe this. I feel like this has to be fake.
Anon
3 years ago
I’m seeing this Is a platform for girls and I’m a guy but I’m almost giving up and need a girl’s advice on this..I’ve been dating this girl for a while now and she’s genuinely my best friend! I have been trying go get to the financial stability level where I can give her the best life and alhamdullilah I’m 23years but on the right path but I’m worried I’ll still need way more income to be able to convince her family but also I don’t want to wait much longer only for the family to turn me down then because of qabil as they have that kind of mentality, cause it’ll hurt way more then! What can I do?because the girl reads your page alot ? Shukran
Okay listen as much as I harp on about a man having finances, I don’t mean it literally. You’re 23. No one expects you to be a millionaire or have your shit together. It is impossible to expect that from someone in their 20’s let alone your age. The only thing is, are you able right now to fulfil the role of a Husband? You don’t need to have shit loads of money but can you do the basics? Are you the type to expect your wife to have a billion and one kids and take care of the house, without you being able to offer her any financial stability in return?
Honestly if you are willing to get married, and are prepared to just grow with your wife, totally fine. But if you can’t whole heartedly commit to some of your duties, don’t expect your wife too also. Does that make sense? You gotta be on the same page
Hi sis. I have a real conundrum. I’m not even surprised tbh my life is full of strange affairs I’m used to it now. Anyway I’m a practicing sister and hence why this situation is bothering me. I’ve been married for a year now and I’ve kind of been growing apart from my husband since we’re just so dissimilar and don’t even click. However I always catch myself regretting and thinking about an ex. I was young at the time and ended things with him for really ridiculous reasons. Looking back now I know he probably was the one. He’s married and has a daughter now. However the issue is, he messaged me trying to reach out to me again and said he is divorced ( I didn’t know about his divorce) I told him that I’m a married woman etc and ended it there. But it still lingers in my mind. I can’t see my marriage lasting tbh. If it was to end, would I be stupid to go back to the past that I let go of. Furthermore with a child in the picture that isn’t mine. For some reason my mind and heart can’t move forward from him. Even though I haven’t seen him in 3 years. And even the one time we met ages ago it was just one date. Am I mad for entertaining this. I always kick myself and regret letting him go 3 years ago. Sometimes you can tell someone is your person but in the moment you’re not wise enough to see it.
Should I let this go and strive to make things work with my husband and even if that doesn’t work I’m early 20s should I pursue something completely new. Or hold out for this.
This really is a conundrum.
Whilst I can appreciate you and your husband are struggling to connect right now, are you sure that these feelings towards your Husband isn’t because you are missing your ex and not actually because you guys are dissimilar? I think you need to be honest with yourself a little bit.
I get it, you were just a girl when you were dating this other guy, and now you’re a big woman with all these responsibilities. Your ex though reminds you of a younger you, when you could do things on a whim. But now you’re married. And when you saw your ex get married to someone else, that probably really hurt you. You probably started to see him as that one that got away, when it actuality you guys never were meant to be together. I think in general people make things out to be better than they were in their minds. And that is all it is.
He was your first relationship it’s understandable that you keep remembering it but they are just that now, memories and that is all History now. Wallahi it is in your best interest to let it go, because no good can come from it.
Let’s say he does declare his love for you, what then? Would you really leave your husband for this man? His relationship has already broken down, which is why he is divorced. As much as you say you and your husband aren’t connecting, you’re still married. Are you really going to divorce him? Because that’s the only thing you can do. Because having an affair is a grave sin and wallahi you do not want to do that. But let’s say you do divorce him, what would you do then, are you going to get married to this ex straight away? No because it doesn’t happen like that.
This is a situation where the more weight you give it, the more weight it will have. Cut contact with this man, and rid him entirely of your thoughts. Make effort with your husband. wallahi sometimes the grass is not greener on the other side. The reality in front of you is better than the fantasy in your head I’m telling you.
But yes, if this marriage were to end, you are well within your rightS to go back. But don’t end things so you can go back.
Loving this platform! Honestly for someone who doesn’t have a big sister this is making me feel like I have two now.
Okay so there’s this boy that I’ve been talking to for a few months now. He has a lot of good traits like he’s kind, cares about me, has ambition and I’m attracted to him. Problem is he barely ever makes me laugh. Even if he does it’s probably just a small one. I am a person that likes to laugh a lot and I really value those friendships where I have that. Also we’re both still in uni, but I sometimes find him a bit immature. Like he’s not very open about his emotions and I think he’s afraid of looking like a “simp”. Is that a valid reason to stop talking to someone or shall I give it time?
It doesn’t matter how great he is in other areas. Making you laugh is pretty damn important. Of the utmost importance in fact. The crème de la crème. The holy grail. Making me laugh until my stomach hurts and my eyes starting tearing? That is honestly what makes a man so sexy and attractive to me. If a man doesn’t have that, it’s a definite deal breaker. And the reason I say this is because If you guys get together, you’re going to spend a lot of time with each other. Sense of humors need to make sense.
But also maybe try to read the room a little bit. Is he just getting comfortable with you or is he straight up just NOT funny? Some guys take a while to settle in, and you can tell he’s one of those from when he says he doesn’t want to seem like a ‘simp’.
asalamalakum Girls, i hope everything is going well with you all, I recently got married a couple of weeks ago and i haven’t been able to do anything with my husband sexual wise. I’m a victim of fgm and i don’t really know what to do and for some reason i’m really scared of asking my sisters and i’m afraid that if i go to the hospital i’ll have surgery and i honestly don’t want anyone to know. i would really appreciate if y’all could advise me on what to.
I am so sorry that happened to you. Subhanallah my absolutely sinks whenever I hear these stories. I hope that you continue to heal. You are one of the strongest individuals out there, you’ve survived and you are dedicated to keep going. Continue being the brave woman you are.
There is a lot of help available for you. I searched online and there are so many links to charities, I’ve attached one below that links you to all others.
https://www.womankind.org.uk/fgm-organisations-offering-advice-and-support/
Also contact your GP so they can also give you some options. It also might be good to ask to be referred to genital reconstructive surgery. If you are able to feel something anything your nerves and sensation to the clitoris are probably still intact.
Communicate to your Husband about your concerns regarding intimacy. Let him be there for you because you are going to need support moving forward. Don’t be scared. You don’t have to tell friends or family but you need to tell your Husband and a Doctor.
Again, I am so sorry to hear this. Right now you just need to keep swimming and at least try to correct what has been done to you. Keep swimming sis. And May those that have done this to you be dealt with accordingly
Hi Lula and Ladan!
My dilemma is that in the one year I’ve been with my boyfriend he’s never taken me on a date. He only gave me one gift on my bday and he doesn’t give any other romantic gestures.
Recently he’s been really busy working and he promised he would make it up to me with a date. When the time came he basically said he doesn’t know what to do but I didn’t suggest anything because I wanted him to lead and take initiative. He took this as me not being interested.
I’ve stopped talking to him because of this as it’s honestly really turned me off but he’s young and getting his life together. Apart from this he’s very gentlemanly and supports me, he gives me anything I ask but I don’t want to be the one asking for everything.
In the beginning I let him know that I wanted him to take me on a date and give me flowers and gifts even if it’s not a special occasion and I didn’t want to keep nagging so I gave him time to do these things but it just never happens or gets brought up again unless I do it.
I feel like this is minor and we’re already set to get married and our families have been told and everything so idk if I’m being dramatic.
Even though you were very clear with your standards in the beginning, you didn’t follow through. I find it very hard to believe that you can be with someone for a year and not go on a single date? How did you guys first see each other? I might be wrong here but was it one of those small link ups that are not necessarily a date, and then it just became the standard (a lot of guys do this to avoid taking women on a date btw). But in that case, this is how you set the tone.
The first few months are the most crucial because it really does determine what your relationship in the future could look like. It’s very hard to change someone after they are used to doing something for so long. Unfortunately in this case, homeboy is comfyyyyy doing the bare minimum. You sold yourself short. In fact, you shouldn’t have even seen him first until he planned a nice date and that’s the absolute honesty. If anything, you taught him that he could marry you without even doing the bare minimum of taking you out and treating you like the lady you are. He clearly is not a gentleman and yeah he may do nice things for you, but a gentleman is not someone who has to be told to be a gentleman. You’re leading this relationship too much.
Wallahi I whole heartedly understand your concern, because for me this isn definitely a major issue. You want romance, not someone having to be told what to do. Affection and romanticism are very important to you, they are clearly something you need in a relationship. If he is unable to meet that need you will not be happy. So in this case, what do you do now that the parents have met? Wallahi it’s time for crisis talks.
I hope I don’t sound too dramatic or harsh but it’s honestly because when you get married you will start resenting him for it. Like I just know it. That is the brutal honesty and someone needs to tell you. And it will be worse because you will look at other couples and feel envy because he’s not doing this for you. And it will only be natural for you to feel that way. So in my mind, get ahead of the problem before you guys even get married.
1) Let him know if this is what married life will look like for you then you won’t go through with it
I would have also said to tell him clearly what you expect from him, but the issue is you already did, he just doesn’t care. So let him know, if this is the case, then you guys are simply not compatible.
2) Push the nikkah to a later date.
I say this because if you marry him despite how this makes you feel, and knowing that he doesn’t meet your needs, that is settling. Anyone encouraging you otherwise is encouraging you to settle.
3) Only move forward when your needs are being met.
That is the upmost priority now. It is easier to demand things now whilst you are still unmarried. Because once you are married and he still isn’t making you happy, you’ll feel stuck.
Hello! I love this platform but I do have a suggestion. I feel like it would be good if you guys implement a comment section under each question so more people can share their thoughts?
They don’t need to be posted straight away and both Lula and Ladan could review each comment before allowing it to be seen to make sure there’s nothing inappropriate but I I think it would be amazing for other sisters or even brothers to give their opinion for extra guidance!
Also can’t wait for the podcast!
Thank you! In fact we were actually thinking about this, to include a forum so people can share their opinions, obviously it will have to be moderated. I honestly love how people will come back to message their opinions so I think it would definitely be nice if this aspect was public so everyone can see it.
Hey girlies, I love this page and inshallah may it continue to flourish. Is my friend getting kawalised?
She’s talking to this guy that she met at work (sees him 9-5 everyday type ish) and it’s become more flirty over the last 3 months, but he’s not truly expressed how he feels. Like he does all the stuff a man would do in a relationship I.e being intimate, opening up to her but hasn’t said where he sees it going. This man said he has love for her, when I heard this bs I was shocked, scared even bc if that’s not a cop out idk what is. When asked what I think of the situation I don’t wanna sound too pessimistic but with this + all the other smaller red flags it does sound like she’s getting finessed into that grey area. Imo it’s very convenient for him to not tell her his “feelings” for her, but what do you guys think?
Ameen! Thank you so much.
If I’m being honest, he is probably stringing her along. Sometimes guys just like the company and attention you give them, but they have no intentions of taking it further. They just like the benefit of you being around.
But if I’m being completely honest, I understand she is your friend and you want the very best for her, but you have to stay out of it. Sometimes friends really have to learn for themselves. Those who cannot hear MUST FEEL. I’m sure she can see the red flags for herself, she is just ignoring them.
Also if you say anything, she will probably start looking at you like you’re not happy for her. So in my honest opinion, stop talking pills for other people’s headache. Let her do what she wants.
Hey ladies got a dilemma, love your page btw you’re so cute May Allah bless you & Ladan. So I have been talking to this guy for just over a year now started off as friends and then it got serious developed feelings & they were mutual for us both. I like this guy a lot he is the first guy who has ticked nearly all my boxes he’s perfect. However I broke up with a guy who I was never actually official with but had been speaking to for over a yearish & it ended for good in the summer he was dodgy and just an outright qasaaro I hated him. Fast forward a couple months of talking to this new guy old guy pops back into my life begging for forgiveness & wanting me back but I really don’t want him he makes me sick & very uncomfortable. I want him to leave me alone for good and to never bother me again. I didn’t tell the new guy about him because I was so embarrassed & didn’t want to scare him away. How do I get an obsessed ex to leave me alone & prevent him from ruining my life any further including my relationship with the new guy?
Thank you sis! Ameen ameen
Firstly, stop giving this old guy any energy. Ignore him. The more energy you give him, the more relevance he will have. Block him off of everywhere. Twitter, Instagram, Whatsapp. EVERYWHERE.
If you guys have mutual friends, distance yourself from them too. Do not leave any opportunity for him to contact you. And don’t tell this new guy about him either because you’ll probably scare him off. Keep it to yourself.
Hey girls
I’ve been with someone who I’ve meaning to leave for a while. He’s unable to work due to legal reasons (not sure how long until he’s able to), so I’ve had to pay for a lot of things, when we go out, clothes, phone bills etc., bare in mind I’m 21 and he’s 24. I didn’t mind until I realised I’m giving way more than I’m getting in this. Had the money been the only issue and he was so amazing to me, I could have waited until he’s able to work again, but I’ve had to beg for effort at times and his response to that is that the only thing I’m doing different to him is spending money and that he can’t buy me gifts and things atm. I try to explain that it doesn’t always cost to make effort, that I’m not asking for gifts but rather small gestures to show love/appreciation? I’ve told him I’m leaving because I’ve had enough of begging for what I should be getting anyways because of the other areas that he can’t do anything in right now. I was upset for a whole week and he was not making any changes, he had the chance to make extra effort that week, instead he was just apologising saying look stop repeating yourself, you’re going to see that I make the effort anyways. Now that I’m finally over being upset and almost ready to move on, he’s really trying to up his game, although he wasn’t that whole week that I was upset (make it make sense), I feel like he’s only making ‘effort’ now because it’s convenient for him, he’s at home not going out with his friends.
The plot twist is that around the same time, an old friend added me on Facebook and has been expressing his feelings towards me. I can see that this man is practicing to an extent (unlike the above person), he makes much more effort to speak to me (although I’m aware that this is what most guys would do when it’s early days anyways, so I’m taking it with a pinch of salt). Nevertheless, he’s changed a lot from when I last knew him and I honestly see myself with him more than I do my current ‘man’.
Btw I only spoke to this guy on Facebook when I told my man that I’m done with him. Although I was kind of in the stages of leaving, I was willing to give my man another chance but now that this other man is in the picture, I feel like my head is all over the place.
I did want to fully leave this unhappy relationship but I’ve kind of stopped myself because I feel like I’m doing it just for this other man, subconsciously. It’s weird because whether he was in the picture or not, I was ready to leave but now that I know he’s around, I’m sticking around longer just to prove to myself that this is not the case. I’m just super confused on the right thing to do! I’m not speaking to the Facebook guy just out of respect for this guy until everything is really khalas, but I don’t want to think of him as the end goal.
This is exactly what happens when a woman has mentally checked out of a relationship. I’ve heard of situations like this before, where towards the end of a relationship, you stop giving a fuck whether or not a person will change or not, your main concern is just to be done with the relationship. Obviously it’s a shit situation, but you know what, good for you. Whatever you said in your first paragraph is exactly what I would have raised with you. At 21 years old you have no business being a man’s benefactor. I’m glad you are starting to see that for yourself. Unfortunately, he has his own reasons as to why he can’t work and get his shit together but that has nothing to do with you sis. Never ever give a man money. Because look at how they take advantage of you. And then on top of that, he doesn’t even make an effort with you?
Of course he is going to try and up his game! His sugar mommy is trying to leave him. That’s what it is, he benefits too much having you and if he is going to continue having any more legal issues, oh he gone need you. In fact, he might even ask to marry you for this exact reason.
Leave this man and go for someone more suited for you, like this current old friend that has recently reached out to you.
Hey sis, I’m in a situation and need a bit of advice. My friends and my female cousin are telling me one thing and my heart is telling me another. I’ve been dating this guy for over 2 years now and he’s been the sweetest to me; took care of me when I was ill and buys me flowers here and there. He says he works but when I asked him where he worked at he never told me, he said “don’t worry I’m pattered g and as long as you’re with me I got you too babes”. He promised me he will marry me but he’s been delaying it for about 3 months now. About a year ago he was in a situation where he owed a person “roadman” £10,000 and without hesitation I took that out of my savings and when I asked him if he was gonna pay me back he said “I’ll put that £10k towards your mehr” and I thought that was cute. It was his birthday 2 months ago and I wanted to do something special since on my birthday he did something romantic for me (booked a hotel and bought me my favourite chocolate) so I bought him a bmw 4 series 2021 which costed me £65k which I paid in cash and put it under his name. He keeps telling me loves me and I even met my mother so please help me I’m really stuck. Shall I have sabr and trust him or shall I just move on.
ps: I’m 21 and he’s 23.
This is abysmal. What possessed you to give this man 10,000 of your hard earned money and then, to go out and buy him a car? How much money do you have sis??? At 21 as well. Nah I can’t believe this. I feel like this has to be fake.
I’m seeing this Is a platform for girls and I’m a guy but I’m almost giving up and need a girl’s advice on this..I’ve been dating this girl for a while now and she’s genuinely my best friend! I have been trying go get to the financial stability level where I can give her the best life and alhamdullilah I’m 23years but on the right path but I’m worried I’ll still need way more income to be able to convince her family but also I don’t want to wait much longer only for the family to turn me down then because of qabil as they have that kind of mentality, cause it’ll hurt way more then! What can I do?because the girl reads your page alot ? Shukran
Awwww
Okay listen as much as I harp on about a man having finances, I don’t mean it literally. You’re 23. No one expects you to be a millionaire or have your shit together. It is impossible to expect that from someone in their 20’s let alone your age. The only thing is, are you able right now to fulfil the role of a Husband? You don’t need to have shit loads of money but can you do the basics? Are you the type to expect your wife to have a billion and one kids and take care of the house, without you being able to offer her any financial stability in return?
Honestly if you are willing to get married, and are prepared to just grow with your wife, totally fine. But if you can’t whole heartedly commit to some of your duties, don’t expect your wife too also. Does that make sense? You gotta be on the same page
Also I’m not really sure about qabil,