Hey ,
I am in my first year of my uni and also work, I live with my parents and earn a good amount, before I started my job i agreed to help them with the mortgage on our new house and my mother set an amount which was reasonable. Im also really trying to save for a car as I work quite far and have told them that. But my mother always tries to make feel guilty about how I don’t give her enough and that I would not even have any savings if it wasn’t for her , she always says how she’s done me a favour raising me and the fact I’m still in the house now not having to pay as much as I would if I lived alone. She’s always saying the amount I give her is nothing and im secretive with my money , I don’t get why she wants to know so bad how much I earn and what I use everything on and she’s constantly comparing me to my sister or cousins who tell their mum everything about their income. Anyways am I wrong for not being so open and is she right about how I’m lucky I’m still in the house and not having to support myself, but like I’m her daughter and of course I’m grateful but it just seems really backwards to guilt trip me for living with her, like I just don’t know what she wants , more money or what lol .
Eventually you’re mum will get over you keeping finances from her, as long as she is getting a piece of the pie. Let your sister overshare her finances, she will regret it later. Whenever she guilt trips you, change the conversation or just say you’re broke. Shut down every time she has those conversations with you.
Anon
3 years ago
The way ur marriage is going did you always feel within yourself you’d have a marriage like that or were you blown away. Or did you grow him into being emotionally aware. My man is great but I feel like I’ve been babying him into how fo care for me when am a mess. Should it be that way or should he just get it. I feel like everyone is different and we have to work on things together not everyone can have someone who just get it if you feel me
All couples have to get used to each other on an emotional level especially after the honeymoon period. It was like that for me and it’ll be like that for most people too. Because I was with my Husband for so long before we got married, luckily I was able to experience most things with him. So when we did get married all I had to get used to was living with him and being a Wife. But I already learned how to communicate with him about my feelings when we were 2 years in, how to get over petty arguments, how to respond to each other etc. Getting married after 3 whole years of figuring out each others ticks helped us a lot. But I will say, straight away I knew he had emotional intelligence to a really good degree. Me on the other hand was quite different, I was definitely immature on that level when we first got together. I wasn’t really considerate, I didn’t know how to be reassuring or gentle. But after a while, I figured it out, but it takes a lot of communication and willingness to change. Also my Husband made it very clear that I needed to be more emotionally aware and that was a big requirement for him. So by the time I got married, I kind of had my shit together. Like now I really know how to communicate my feelings.
Obviously when you are not with someone for long before you get married, you will have to learn these things whilst being married. And that puts a lot more pressure on you especially when you think yeahhh I’m married now this has to be perfect. But marriage is all about growing and communicating. In fact, my brother actually said to me the real honeymoon stage in marriage is when you hit the 3 year mark, because at that point you have really settled and are now a team.
You just have to communicate, and have patience. Honestly it’s gets better. Just got to have the willingness to address things and make things work. Getting each other comes way after the hard part of really getting to know each other in and out. As much as people make it seem like its off the bat, it’s really not.
Anon
3 years ago
My family live abroad and I’m talking to a guy and want to get married in a few months. I don’t think my mum and all my siblings will come back for my big day 🥺 advice please
If your family live abroad, give them 6 months notice at the very least. Even though it should be more. Because they also have to prepare financially for you to get married even if they are the bride’s family. Also they need to prepare the house too that takes time.
Give them the most time possible is what I’m saying. Don’t expect them to be ready if you are only giving them 3 months in advance.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis. So how do I calm down. Hear me out 😂. I have this minor problem where I word vomit. I’ll talk for unnecessary amount of time about nonsense with people and I’ll also mention things are meant to be private. Idk how to stop. I’m not a talkative person and idek how this bad habit started. I’m much worse if I have caffeine in my system. I’ll love to hear other people inputs as well. This is really affecting me because afterwards my chest feels a bit tight and I always feel like I need to isolate after word vomiting with people. Btw I need caffeine to stay awake for long shifts so cutting caffeine isn’t an option. Please help and ily your so lovely
Also try to look at why you do it. Most cases it’s nerves and lack of confidence when speaking. So practice talking to yourself in the mirror by articulating what you’re going to say before actually saying it if that makes sense
Anon
3 years ago
Hiya girlies, hope you guys are good. Love your work here.
Im basically a 23yr old somali girl, been working ever since the age of 18, and i have never saved a penny to my name, any income i have ever received i have had to give a portion to my mum lmao you know “somali tax”, it used to be 50% when i was younger and half my SFE, and now its just half my SFE, and then the little money i get from work since i only work 10hours is for my survival and paying for my own bills and trying to enjoy life. I cant really work overtime since im in my final year and i dont think i can balance it if im being honest. But its so draining having to share half of every stream of income with someone even though i love and appreciate my mother but it makes me sad. I find it so hard to save because all my life ive never been told or taught to, ive always said uno what maybe after i graduate and find a post grad job maybe then thats when i can start saving, and i understand its to help my mum and the household financially but its like nobody cares about my financial position in the future. Its like had i just put all the money ive been giving away for so long in a savings account i would have been set up from young, and it makes me so insecure bcos its taught me to live for now, and when i hear my friends talk about saving and how much they have it just makes me feel like ive been so financially immature when in reality that isnt the case. But idk just wondered did you guys ever have to endure this and if so how did you manage to keep a balance, and if you didnt how would you propose i tackle this?
There is two things you should never do, and it is a general rule: Do not tell your parents or your siblings how much you make and where your money is coming from.
Why? Because its breeds entitlement to your income. Not once have I ever told my mum or dad I got SFE or a bursary, or how much I got from work. And especially to my siblings. But it still didn’t stop me from giving my parents anything, in fact, I’d always give them a portion of whatever I got but they never knew when I got paid. Also I’d tell them I budget everything and try to live below my means, so I wasn’t money man like that.
Unfortunately when you are too honest and open with stuff like that, it allows people to mooch off you to the point now you can barely save for yourself. Although I believe you should 100% give money to your parents, it shouldn’t be to your own detriment. And I think thats where the lines are blurred. Sometimes parents particularly Somali parent’s don’t appreciate you need security given how they basically could come here with nothing but still survive. Times are different Hooyo. Young people HAVE to save.
In the future, when you do get a grad job, don’t tell them you have one. Say you still work in retail. Also for now, say your SFE has been reduced. If she wants proof, make a fake letter. Then she won’t be inclined to take too much. But still nice her here and there.
Anon
3 years ago
heyyyy,
any advice on ways to (physically) prep and maintain for marriage as in wax/ body care?
also, I’m natural and worked super hard to protect my curls and most of the time my hair is in twists/braids (not cute styles) and I can’t be out here every day slicking/straightening my hair, how do you balance looking cute at home and still taking care of yourself ? + I’m pretty strict with my routine so that’s surely gonna change with having to have ghusl a lot more? it all just seems longggggg
Have a keratin treatment for your hair before you get married, that way when you are washing your hair often, its really curly and it won’t get frizzy. Do that every 6 months.
In terms of maintaining a wax, honestly look into laser. I’ve heard good experiences, but honestly hair removal cream works just as good. I use Nair Hair removal cream (the sensitive one) and wallahi it’s my best discovery. Hair doesn’t grow back for at least 3-4 weeks and even then its very thin. My armpits use to react really badly to shaving but this has really changed the game for me. You can also use it in other intimate regions.
But yeah definitely be very religious with upkeep. If not already, shower everyday, look after your hair and your skin. I don’t ever wear make up at home, I don’t think thats necessary.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi girls,
What do you think of a man still in contact with a woman he’s been in a relationship with for marriage until his wedding day, of which he marries someone else? Something he kept hidden.
In your opinion, would that be considered an arranged marriage and should his oblivious wife know?
I think its inappropriate to have closure with an ex before you get married. It is very disrespectful to the person you are marrying because clearly you are still hung up on someone else. It’s unfair and not okay.
With that being said, if you have no intentions to continue having a discreet relationship with the ex, and its in the past – then there is no need to inform the wife. Because no good with come out of it. All it’ll do is destroy her confidence. In this case ignorance is definitely bliss.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls,
Love this page, may Allah bless you both. My dilemma is quite complicated because it’s been about 2 and half years with this guy and I’ve just met his family just over two months ago. They were so lovely and welcoming, particularly his mother and grandmother and I felt the warmth and love from the very first moment Alhamdulillah. However, me (24) and him (27) have been bickering for quite some time now. I think him being out of work for about 7/8 months is contributing to my frustrations as I have multiple unanswered questions. I haven’t been able to sit down and have a chat about this with him properly, he reassures me that he has everything covered but his actions definitely speak louder than his words. He understands that, of course, he needs to provide but is he just saying that? I know he is a genuine guy, very family orientated and wholesome but I have no idea how he’s funding for his lifestyle at the moment given he’s currently unemployed. He speaks about many things (ambitions and goals) but once again, is he just saying that because I’m not seeing this happening. I’ve literally observed him for the last 7 months and If I’m honest, I do not see a man preparing to get married but am I being too harsh? My expectations are extremely high considering I have got a lot going on for myself Alhamdulillah. Although, he was fulfilling this when I first met him, I feel as though now he is extremely complacent and comfortable. He always says comments like “how did I get so lucky”, but I’ve realised he says it way too often (am I overthinking this). I have prayed about this because I do see him in my life, however I do not want to let my standards slip in order to have that. The next few months are vital as our aim is to be married by summer 2022, but surely these are signs to avoid disappointment a few months/years in to marriage. I hope this isn’t too overwhelming.
Sis. Your gut is telling you something, listen to it. What he is doing is not cohesive to the future he said he is going to give you. So the question is, are you willing to settle or not? Doesn’t matter if you met the parents or not, you’re not married and you can do whatever the hell you like. Decide now before you’re stuck with him.
Anon
3 years ago
i guess i just want a free therapist?? looolll. basically i’m 19 and i’ve never had a boyfriend, nor a ‘talking stage’ with a guy. i’ve had boys drop hints, move to me ext but i never entertained it because i wasn’t interested in being someone’s ‘girlfriend’ and i knew i was too young to be in a serious let’s get to know eachother stage. now i am starting to think about my future and marriage. there’s nothing wrong with my parents marriage, i think they’ve set a good foundation and they get on pretty well. despite this, if my father was to fall ill (genuinely hope this never happens) my mother won’t be able to care for us because she doesn’t work – she’s financially dependent on him. i don’t want that and allhamdulilah my parents instilled the importance of education in me so the degree/career path i’m pursuing has really good job prospects. because of how much it means to me i know i’d want to keep working even when married and balance my life out without dropping my career entirely but it’ll be stress. also growing up i didn’t have the normal childhood (i’d specify but lowkey scared someone will be able to identify me) but long story short i’m emotionally burnt out. i’ve seen to much of life i guess? grown too young. because of it i know the main thing i want out of a marriage is complete support and to be able to express myself in a way i couldn’t before. no one really knows anything about me even my friends. bless them i love all of them, and they’re so open with me but it’s because they know the kind of person i am. truthfully i’m still waiting for them to mature a bit more so i can really let them get to know me and open up but in the process it’s really isolating. i binged the whole thread and you said something about how your partner reassures you ext (maybe i got mixed up with someone who wrote a post idk). how did you open up to him? how can i best find someone like that? as good as my parents marriage is, and how much i love my family i know they could never offer me the support i need or the reassurance or the calmness. i guess what i’m really asking is how can i find that support out of a marriage?
You are such a wise young girl. You should absolutely have a career no matter if you get married or not, because at the end of the day you want security for yourself and also for your parents. Wallahi grown too young is really something. It’s a blessing and a curse, because although its unfortunate you have had to grow up early, you are ready for adulthood much sooner than a lot of people and because of that, you make the right choices. That’s the beauty that comes out of being the responsible one. Because you were not given the luxury of making mistakes, you won’t make mistakes with your own life, and inshallah that is how you will find a good husband.
For me personally, because of my circumstances, and because I was pretty much living alone, I became very hyper independent. And I knew that if I settled down with any person lesser than me, they’d end up taking too much from me and disable me in ways I simply could not afford. I had goals and ambition and regardless of any feelings I had for people, I knew the deal. I want to change my life, change my parents lives, make something out of myself. And no flings could get in the way of that. You know like summer flings? Those were fine, cool even but when it came to September and school started, it was back to work. Back to business. I never let anyone hang about for too long for me to really catch feelings. Because the person who I choose to marry and settle down with, was the upmost important thing to me and a decision I could never make on impulse.
When I met my Husband, even marriage was not on my mind and it wasn’t for a long time. I didn’t care about marriage until I realised, not only has this man been a companion to me, but everything I have ever wanted to do and achieve I can do because he has supported me and held my hand through everything. He hasnt taken a single thing from me. Everything I had he gave back tenfold. He showed himself to be a real leader during a hard period in my life and it just clicked to me. This is the person I have been looking for, not only an equal but someone I can lean on, like a proper team captain you know? When you are used to carrying other people’s slack you learn to appreciate things like this
My advice for you is to date but know exactly what it is and don’t ever forget it. Know who is marriage material and who is not. Who is going to change your life and who is going to disable it forever. You’re young and Wallahi you are a very smart girl. You will not only make the best choices for yourself, but for your parent’s too. Enjoy being young, there is all the time in the world to settle down.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls, I really love your content and I wanted advice on something thats been playing on my mind. I just finished a teaching degree however, I’ve changed my mind as I realised that teaching is just not for me when I was on placement. I intend to go back to college and then university to change to a medicine route. I was really happy to go ahead with this but, my cousins and some family members have been making comments and little digs about how I’m too old for a career change now and overall not believing that I can do well in a different career. I have just turned 22 years old and their comments keep making me feel insecure about this and have me thinking that maybe I won’t be good at the course and should have just stuck with what they wanted. Is 22 too old for a career change, as I will be 26 when I graduate from my new course? Any advice would be helpful x
22 is not old for a career change, regardless in 4 years time you are going to be 26 anyway so at least you’ll be 26 and doing something you want to do. Ignore them and do what makes you happy! Inshallah Allah makes this journey easy for you
Hey ,
I am in my first year of my uni and also work, I live with my parents and earn a good amount, before I started my job i agreed to help them with the mortgage on our new house and my mother set an amount which was reasonable. Im also really trying to save for a car as I work quite far and have told them that. But my mother always tries to make feel guilty about how I don’t give her enough and that I would not even have any savings if it wasn’t for her , she always says how she’s done me a favour raising me and the fact I’m still in the house now not having to pay as much as I would if I lived alone. She’s always saying the amount I give her is nothing and im secretive with my money , I don’t get why she wants to know so bad how much I earn and what I use everything on and she’s constantly comparing me to my sister or cousins who tell their mum everything about their income. Anyways am I wrong for not being so open and is she right about how I’m lucky I’m still in the house and not having to support myself, but like I’m her daughter and of course I’m grateful but it just seems really backwards to guilt trip me for living with her, like I just don’t know what she wants , more money or what lol .
I literally answered a similar question to this.
Eventually you’re mum will get over you keeping finances from her, as long as she is getting a piece of the pie. Let your sister overshare her finances, she will regret it later. Whenever she guilt trips you, change the conversation or just say you’re broke. Shut down every time she has those conversations with you.
The way ur marriage is going did you always feel within yourself you’d have a marriage like that or were you blown away. Or did you grow him into being emotionally aware. My man is great but I feel like I’ve been babying him into how fo care for me when am a mess. Should it be that way or should he just get it. I feel like everyone is different and we have to work on things together not everyone can have someone who just get it if you feel me
All couples have to get used to each other on an emotional level especially after the honeymoon period. It was like that for me and it’ll be like that for most people too. Because I was with my Husband for so long before we got married, luckily I was able to experience most things with him. So when we did get married all I had to get used to was living with him and being a Wife. But I already learned how to communicate with him about my feelings when we were 2 years in, how to get over petty arguments, how to respond to each other etc. Getting married after 3 whole years of figuring out each others ticks helped us a lot. But I will say, straight away I knew he had emotional intelligence to a really good degree. Me on the other hand was quite different, I was definitely immature on that level when we first got together. I wasn’t really considerate, I didn’t know how to be reassuring or gentle. But after a while, I figured it out, but it takes a lot of communication and willingness to change. Also my Husband made it very clear that I needed to be more emotionally aware and that was a big requirement for him. So by the time I got married, I kind of had my shit together. Like now I really know how to communicate my feelings.
Obviously when you are not with someone for long before you get married, you will have to learn these things whilst being married. And that puts a lot more pressure on you especially when you think yeahhh I’m married now this has to be perfect. But marriage is all about growing and communicating. In fact, my brother actually said to me the real honeymoon stage in marriage is when you hit the 3 year mark, because at that point you have really settled and are now a team.
You just have to communicate, and have patience. Honestly it’s gets better. Just got to have the willingness to address things and make things work. Getting each other comes way after the hard part of really getting to know each other in and out. As much as people make it seem like its off the bat, it’s really not.
My family live abroad and I’m talking to a guy and want to get married in a few months. I don’t think my mum and all my siblings will come back for my big day 🥺 advice please
If your family live abroad, give them 6 months notice at the very least. Even though it should be more. Because they also have to prepare financially for you to get married even if they are the bride’s family. Also they need to prepare the house too that takes time.
Give them the most time possible is what I’m saying. Don’t expect them to be ready if you are only giving them 3 months in advance.
Hey sis. So how do I calm down. Hear me out 😂. I have this minor problem where I word vomit. I’ll talk for unnecessary amount of time about nonsense with people and I’ll also mention things are meant to be private. Idk how to stop. I’m not a talkative person and idek how this bad habit started. I’m much worse if I have caffeine in my system. I’ll love to hear other people inputs as well. This is really affecting me because afterwards my chest feels a bit tight and I always feel like I need to isolate after word vomiting with people. Btw I need caffeine to stay awake for long shifts so cutting caffeine isn’t an option. Please help and ily your so lovely
Look up mindfulness techniques.
Also try to look at why you do it. Most cases it’s nerves and lack of confidence when speaking. So practice talking to yourself in the mirror by articulating what you’re going to say before actually saying it if that makes sense
Hiya girlies, hope you guys are good. Love your work here.
Im basically a 23yr old somali girl, been working ever since the age of 18, and i have never saved a penny to my name, any income i have ever received i have had to give a portion to my mum lmao you know “somali tax”, it used to be 50% when i was younger and half my SFE, and now its just half my SFE, and then the little money i get from work since i only work 10hours is for my survival and paying for my own bills and trying to enjoy life. I cant really work overtime since im in my final year and i dont think i can balance it if im being honest. But its so draining having to share half of every stream of income with someone even though i love and appreciate my mother but it makes me sad. I find it so hard to save because all my life ive never been told or taught to, ive always said uno what maybe after i graduate and find a post grad job maybe then thats when i can start saving, and i understand its to help my mum and the household financially but its like nobody cares about my financial position in the future. Its like had i just put all the money ive been giving away for so long in a savings account i would have been set up from young, and it makes me so insecure bcos its taught me to live for now, and when i hear my friends talk about saving and how much they have it just makes me feel like ive been so financially immature when in reality that isnt the case. But idk just wondered did you guys ever have to endure this and if so how did you manage to keep a balance, and if you didnt how would you propose i tackle this?
There is two things you should never do, and it is a general rule: Do not tell your parents or your siblings how much you make and where your money is coming from.
Why? Because its breeds entitlement to your income. Not once have I ever told my mum or dad I got SFE or a bursary, or how much I got from work. And especially to my siblings. But it still didn’t stop me from giving my parents anything, in fact, I’d always give them a portion of whatever I got but they never knew when I got paid. Also I’d tell them I budget everything and try to live below my means, so I wasn’t money man like that.
Unfortunately when you are too honest and open with stuff like that, it allows people to mooch off you to the point now you can barely save for yourself. Although I believe you should 100% give money to your parents, it shouldn’t be to your own detriment. And I think thats where the lines are blurred. Sometimes parents particularly Somali parent’s don’t appreciate you need security given how they basically could come here with nothing but still survive. Times are different Hooyo. Young people HAVE to save.
In the future, when you do get a grad job, don’t tell them you have one. Say you still work in retail. Also for now, say your SFE has been reduced. If she wants proof, make a fake letter. Then she won’t be inclined to take too much. But still nice her here and there.
heyyyy,
any advice on ways to (physically) prep and maintain for marriage as in wax/ body care?
also, I’m natural and worked super hard to protect my curls and most of the time my hair is in twists/braids (not cute styles) and I can’t be out here every day slicking/straightening my hair, how do you balance looking cute at home and still taking care of yourself ? + I’m pretty strict with my routine so that’s surely gonna change with having to have ghusl a lot more? it all just seems longggggg
Have a keratin treatment for your hair before you get married, that way when you are washing your hair often, its really curly and it won’t get frizzy. Do that every 6 months.
In terms of maintaining a wax, honestly look into laser. I’ve heard good experiences, but honestly hair removal cream works just as good. I use Nair Hair removal cream (the sensitive one) and wallahi it’s my best discovery. Hair doesn’t grow back for at least 3-4 weeks and even then its very thin. My armpits use to react really badly to shaving but this has really changed the game for me. You can also use it in other intimate regions.
But yeah definitely be very religious with upkeep. If not already, shower everyday, look after your hair and your skin. I don’t ever wear make up at home, I don’t think thats necessary.
Hi girls,
What do you think of a man still in contact with a woman he’s been in a relationship with for marriage until his wedding day, of which he marries someone else? Something he kept hidden.
In your opinion, would that be considered an arranged marriage and should his oblivious wife know?
Thanks xx
I think its inappropriate to have closure with an ex before you get married. It is very disrespectful to the person you are marrying because clearly you are still hung up on someone else. It’s unfair and not okay.
With that being said, if you have no intentions to continue having a discreet relationship with the ex, and its in the past – then there is no need to inform the wife. Because no good with come out of it. All it’ll do is destroy her confidence. In this case ignorance is definitely bliss.
Hey girls,
Love this page, may Allah bless you both. My dilemma is quite complicated because it’s been about 2 and half years with this guy and I’ve just met his family just over two months ago. They were so lovely and welcoming, particularly his mother and grandmother and I felt the warmth and love from the very first moment Alhamdulillah. However, me (24) and him (27) have been bickering for quite some time now. I think him being out of work for about 7/8 months is contributing to my frustrations as I have multiple unanswered questions. I haven’t been able to sit down and have a chat about this with him properly, he reassures me that he has everything covered but his actions definitely speak louder than his words. He understands that, of course, he needs to provide but is he just saying that? I know he is a genuine guy, very family orientated and wholesome but I have no idea how he’s funding for his lifestyle at the moment given he’s currently unemployed. He speaks about many things (ambitions and goals) but once again, is he just saying that because I’m not seeing this happening. I’ve literally observed him for the last 7 months and If I’m honest, I do not see a man preparing to get married but am I being too harsh? My expectations are extremely high considering I have got a lot going on for myself Alhamdulillah. Although, he was fulfilling this when I first met him, I feel as though now he is extremely complacent and comfortable. He always says comments like “how did I get so lucky”, but I’ve realised he says it way too often (am I overthinking this). I have prayed about this because I do see him in my life, however I do not want to let my standards slip in order to have that. The next few months are vital as our aim is to be married by summer 2022, but surely these are signs to avoid disappointment a few months/years in to marriage. I hope this isn’t too overwhelming.
I remember this dilemma.
Sis. Your gut is telling you something, listen to it. What he is doing is not cohesive to the future he said he is going to give you. So the question is, are you willing to settle or not? Doesn’t matter if you met the parents or not, you’re not married and you can do whatever the hell you like. Decide now before you’re stuck with him.
i guess i just want a free therapist?? looolll. basically i’m 19 and i’ve never had a boyfriend, nor a ‘talking stage’ with a guy. i’ve had boys drop hints, move to me ext but i never entertained it because i wasn’t interested in being someone’s ‘girlfriend’ and i knew i was too young to be in a serious let’s get to know eachother stage. now i am starting to think about my future and marriage. there’s nothing wrong with my parents marriage, i think they’ve set a good foundation and they get on pretty well. despite this, if my father was to fall ill (genuinely hope this never happens) my mother won’t be able to care for us because she doesn’t work – she’s financially dependent on him. i don’t want that and allhamdulilah my parents instilled the importance of education in me so the degree/career path i’m pursuing has really good job prospects. because of how much it means to me i know i’d want to keep working even when married and balance my life out without dropping my career entirely but it’ll be stress. also growing up i didn’t have the normal childhood (i’d specify but lowkey scared someone will be able to identify me) but long story short i’m emotionally burnt out. i’ve seen to much of life i guess? grown too young. because of it i know the main thing i want out of a marriage is complete support and to be able to express myself in a way i couldn’t before. no one really knows anything about me even my friends. bless them i love all of them, and they’re so open with me but it’s because they know the kind of person i am. truthfully i’m still waiting for them to mature a bit more so i can really let them get to know me and open up but in the process it’s really isolating. i binged the whole thread and you said something about how your partner reassures you ext (maybe i got mixed up with someone who wrote a post idk). how did you open up to him? how can i best find someone like that? as good as my parents marriage is, and how much i love my family i know they could never offer me the support i need or the reassurance or the calmness. i guess what i’m really asking is how can i find that support out of a marriage?
You are such a wise young girl. You should absolutely have a career no matter if you get married or not, because at the end of the day you want security for yourself and also for your parents. Wallahi grown too young is really something. It’s a blessing and a curse, because although its unfortunate you have had to grow up early, you are ready for adulthood much sooner than a lot of people and because of that, you make the right choices. That’s the beauty that comes out of being the responsible one. Because you were not given the luxury of making mistakes, you won’t make mistakes with your own life, and inshallah that is how you will find a good husband.
For me personally, because of my circumstances, and because I was pretty much living alone, I became very hyper independent. And I knew that if I settled down with any person lesser than me, they’d end up taking too much from me and disable me in ways I simply could not afford. I had goals and ambition and regardless of any feelings I had for people, I knew the deal. I want to change my life, change my parents lives, make something out of myself. And no flings could get in the way of that. You know like summer flings? Those were fine, cool even but when it came to September and school started, it was back to work. Back to business. I never let anyone hang about for too long for me to really catch feelings. Because the person who I choose to marry and settle down with, was the upmost important thing to me and a decision I could never make on impulse.
When I met my Husband, even marriage was not on my mind and it wasn’t for a long time. I didn’t care about marriage until I realised, not only has this man been a companion to me, but everything I have ever wanted to do and achieve I can do because he has supported me and held my hand through everything. He hasnt taken a single thing from me. Everything I had he gave back tenfold. He showed himself to be a real leader during a hard period in my life and it just clicked to me. This is the person I have been looking for, not only an equal but someone I can lean on, like a proper team captain you know? When you are used to carrying other people’s slack you learn to appreciate things like this
My advice for you is to date but know exactly what it is and don’t ever forget it. Know who is marriage material and who is not. Who is going to change your life and who is going to disable it forever. You’re young and Wallahi you are a very smart girl. You will not only make the best choices for yourself, but for your parent’s too. Enjoy being young, there is all the time in the world to settle down.
Hey girls, I really love your content and I wanted advice on something thats been playing on my mind. I just finished a teaching degree however, I’ve changed my mind as I realised that teaching is just not for me when I was on placement. I intend to go back to college and then university to change to a medicine route. I was really happy to go ahead with this but, my cousins and some family members have been making comments and little digs about how I’m too old for a career change now and overall not believing that I can do well in a different career. I have just turned 22 years old and their comments keep making me feel insecure about this and have me thinking that maybe I won’t be good at the course and should have just stuck with what they wanted. Is 22 too old for a career change, as I will be 26 when I graduate from my new course? Any advice would be helpful x
22 is not old for a career change, regardless in 4 years time you are going to be 26 anyway so at least you’ll be 26 and doing something you want to do. Ignore them and do what makes you happy! Inshallah Allah makes this journey easy for you