How do you know care what people things do you I feel like it’s my biggest problem rn , ppl will talk shit and I know it’s not true but I find it so hard to come to terms with the fact people would think of me like that and causes made anxiety and sometimes sleepless nights pathetic I know 😭
I can’t lie around 3 years ago this used to bother me so much, to the point it’d used to ruin my day. When I tell you I am so used to the “I thought you were xyz.” and I never understood why is was that way. My friends are so used to having to give a character statement to people who never even met me. At some point you’re like I don’t even care anymore. It is what it is. I think what helped me a lot though is that I kind of have my safe circle that I reside in, and no one can get to me here. I stopped talking to people who I knew deep down just wanted to know the tea and didn’t really have good intentions for me. Especially people who are friends with girls who weren’t fond of me. Stay farrrr away.
Anon
3 years ago
Would you recommend a wig or a u part wig i want to go for a more natural look but it I also don’t want to dame the front part
For a more natural look I’d get a U Part, but you have to make sure your hair on show is set & pressed the day before so it doesn’t frizz. I hate when you can tell between natural hair and extensions, it has to blend
Anon
3 years ago
Any tips of being your best self , this new year I’m so ready to get out of my comfort zone and be more confident and experience life to the fullest but I have no idea where to start 😭
Get a planner and start romanticises the hell out of life. Each week plan what you’e going to do and work towards doing it. Set goals for each month. This month mine is waking up really early and getting gym out the way. Plan days just about self care like a Sunday (In my mind that makes the most sense to me).
Anon
3 years ago
Hey. Nearly three years ago, my older sister committed su*cide. She was my favourite sibling and the one I always turned to. As she was the eldest, my mum was very harsh on her and she was expected to be another mother to all her siblings whilst dealing with university. Her and my mum had a very tough relationship.
The morning of her death, they had terrible argument but I had always viewed that as normal (because they’d always argue with each other) so I just left for school. Ever since her death, I’ve been struggling.
I go to therapy once a week but I can’t get rid of the guilt, I can’t stop wondering about all the what if’s. What if I had skipped school and hung out with her after the argument? Would she still be here? What if I had interrupted the argument and tried to sort it out? No amount of therapy can get rid of these thoughts.
My parents recently divorced as my dad blames my mum for what happened so that’s added stress. I’ve sort of taken over my sister’s role and become the one looking after my younger siblings whilst dealing with school.
I’m starting to resent my mum. I know that’s such a horrific thing to say and I hate myself for thinking it, but it’s the truth. I genuinely blame her. I’ll never voice this out loud though.
I guess what I’m asking is, what do I do? I’mbecoming depressed from all this and starting to fall behind in school. I don’t want to ditch my siblings and go to live with my father but I can’t live like this wallahi. I want to live for my sister’s sake but I feel as though I’m morphing into her if that makes sense.
Arguing with my mum, parenting my siblings, not completing my schoolwork. I’m just so lost rn. Any advice would help jzk.
I am so extremely sorry for your loss and I can’t even begin to imagine what you have gone through. Losing someone to suicide can bring so much pain, many questions, and grief. It’s something you may think about the rest of your life. You have so much strength and wallahi I pray Allah swt eases your pain and suffering, and grant your sister the Highest rank in Jannah.
Sometimes sudden death and grief can rock the family to the core. And it can be so hard for you all to deal with changing roles and dynamics since a loss. If anyone understands your pain, it’s your Mother. She has lost her daughter, her baby she brought it into this world. You won’t ever begin to imagine what she had to go through burying her own child. Resenting her serves you no good. She probably already blames herself for the loss of your sister. This is the time where you need to stick together and be strong for your Mother. All you have is each other, and this is even more true since the divorce.
“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…”Quran (02:286)
Whatever trial comes your way is something that Allah has planned and which He has guaranteed you can handle. I know it will sound easy to someone like me who hasn’t lost a sibling, but this is the word of Allah and you have to maintain faith that this is true.
Maybe take time out of school to focus on healing and repairing the relationship with your Mother. Share only the fond memories of your sister, and speak about her often. Maybe that might help. And most importantly prayer, without prayer there won’t be real healing.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girl I came across your platform and I’m loving all the advice you’re giving out! Little bit unrelated but do you know any platforms where I can learn how to speak somali. I’m a proper hooyo mataalo 😭
Hi,
This question isn’t marriage/relationship related at all, I hope that’s alright. I start university this year after choosing to take a gap year last summer. I completed my A-Levels online and am a very shy person in general, so I haven’t really spoken to anyone (outside of my family & one friend) since the summer of 2019. As I’ll be entering university this year, I’m becoming more and more anxious. I’ve never been good at making friends and hate making the first move/starting the conservation. I was hoping on some advice on how to become more confident? I don’t want to go through uni without any friends but I’m so shy and awkward I think it might actually be a possibility. I feel behind already since I’ll be a year older than the majority of my classmates, which has led to be feeling more anxious than usual. I’m just unbelievably shy, and wish I was a more confident and assertive girl because I really miss being part of a proper friendship group. Any advice?
Trust me, you’ll be surprised at how many people your age are on your course, or older in fact. Very rarely is it just 18/19 year olds. In regards to making friends, everyone is on the same boat. Everyone will be just as nervous as you. Hopefully they still do this but definitely try to join some Uni societies, definitely the islamic society, that I found was the fastest to make friends. The first semester might be really awkward for you but by mid term you’re going to feel comfortable. Just get the awkwardness out the way.
Anon
3 years ago
in regards to not giving your all to a man before it’s serious (as in literally the nikkah day or at least the engagement ) I agree, be your own person. idk if it’s weird but I try not to even think long term and nothing in my life changes at all if anything when it’s getting a bit serious I go all out (see my friends more and just live life) and try to focus on things I want to do before I’m married
That’s the best way. When you start seeing married life as the end all be all, it will make you feel lonely. Especially because Husbands always have their own lives outside of their relationship. They still go football, they still see their friends. You only ever hear women ditching all their friends.
Anon
3 years ago
Thank you for your response. In the sense of maintaining his lifestyle – he’s mentioned that he has been saving for the past few years now in the event that when he settles down, he will be ready and stable. Therefore, I can only assume that he is still living on that. We did previously mention creating a joint account (instead of constantly wasting our money) and I’m thankful we didn’t go through it with it considering the circumstances he is in now , would he have used the money WE saved to live on? Nonetheless, I’m just concerned about the money in which he saved, am I selfish into thinking that this is already an issue, and how far does his savings stretch to cover him for 7/8 months and does that put us in a financial burden a few months into our marriage. He has reassured me plenty of times, however, reassuring me only gets you so far.
If he has no money, the last thing you should be doing is getting a joint account because he will be living off of YOUR money. The reality is if you marry a man who has no job or money, you will struggle. Maybe it could change for you guys but realistically looking at the type of life he lives? How can you be so sure? You have to make that decision whether to gamble with your life and future.
What if you get pregnant, he can barely look after himself, what makes you think he can care for you and a baby?
Anon
3 years ago
Not a question but just wanted to say that I see a lot of marriage talks on here, and the whole concept of finding the right person comes from having trust in Allah.
Regardless marriage is a gamble. You just never know. There’s people I know who have been together for years and get divorced quickly, while there’s people I know who’ve known each other for small periods and are happily married.
Know that marriage is a provision, love is a provision, and Allah is the provider. The prophet saw said about khadija that “ Allah has PROVIDED me with her love” .
Those who are seeking it, stop fearing the unknown of the future, get yourself close to Allah and focus on your relationship with Him.
Those who are having issues, turn to Allah, beg Him, and know that He alone can fix your problems, it’s easy for Him.
Those who are happily married, give thanks to Allah, and pray that He keeps you like that. Today, tomorrow, and in the aaakirah.
All is all everything is from Allah. He gives without measure and He is the most wise. Acquaint yourself with Him.
How do you know care what people things do you I feel like it’s my biggest problem rn , ppl will talk shit and I know it’s not true but I find it so hard to come to terms with the fact people would think of me like that and causes made anxiety and sometimes sleepless nights pathetic I know 😭
I can’t lie around 3 years ago this used to bother me so much, to the point it’d used to ruin my day. When I tell you I am so used to the “I thought you were xyz.” and I never understood why is was that way. My friends are so used to having to give a character statement to people who never even met me. At some point you’re like I don’t even care anymore. It is what it is. I think what helped me a lot though is that I kind of have my safe circle that I reside in, and no one can get to me here. I stopped talking to people who I knew deep down just wanted to know the tea and didn’t really have good intentions for me. Especially people who are friends with girls who weren’t fond of me. Stay farrrr away.
Would you recommend a wig or a u part wig i want to go for a more natural look but it I also don’t want to dame the front part
For a more natural look I’d get a U Part, but you have to make sure your hair on show is set & pressed the day before so it doesn’t frizz. I hate when you can tell between natural hair and extensions, it has to blend
Any tips of being your best self , this new year I’m so ready to get out of my comfort zone and be more confident and experience life to the fullest but I have no idea where to start 😭
Get a planner and start romanticises the hell out of life. Each week plan what you’e going to do and work towards doing it. Set goals for each month. This month mine is waking up really early and getting gym out the way. Plan days just about self care like a Sunday (In my mind that makes the most sense to me).
Hey. Nearly three years ago, my older sister committed su*cide. She was my favourite sibling and the one I always turned to. As she was the eldest, my mum was very harsh on her and she was expected to be another mother to all her siblings whilst dealing with university. Her and my mum had a very tough relationship.
The morning of her death, they had terrible argument but I had always viewed that as normal (because they’d always argue with each other) so I just left for school. Ever since her death, I’ve been struggling.
I go to therapy once a week but I can’t get rid of the guilt, I can’t stop wondering about all the what if’s. What if I had skipped school and hung out with her after the argument? Would she still be here? What if I had interrupted the argument and tried to sort it out? No amount of therapy can get rid of these thoughts.
My parents recently divorced as my dad blames my mum for what happened so that’s added stress. I’ve sort of taken over my sister’s role and become the one looking after my younger siblings whilst dealing with school.
I’m starting to resent my mum. I know that’s such a horrific thing to say and I hate myself for thinking it, but it’s the truth. I genuinely blame her. I’ll never voice this out loud though.
I guess what I’m asking is, what do I do? I’mbecoming depressed from all this and starting to fall behind in school. I don’t want to ditch my siblings and go to live with my father but I can’t live like this wallahi. I want to live for my sister’s sake but I feel as though I’m morphing into her if that makes sense.
Arguing with my mum, parenting my siblings, not completing my schoolwork. I’m just so lost rn. Any advice would help jzk.
Inalillahi wainailaihi rajiun
I am so extremely sorry for your loss and I can’t even begin to imagine what you have gone through. Losing someone to suicide can bring so much pain, many questions, and grief. It’s something you may think about the rest of your life. You have so much strength and wallahi I pray Allah swt eases your pain and suffering, and grant your sister the Highest rank in Jannah.
Sometimes sudden death and grief can rock the family to the core. And it can be so hard for you all to deal with changing roles and dynamics since a loss. If anyone understands your pain, it’s your Mother. She has lost her daughter, her baby she brought it into this world. You won’t ever begin to imagine what she had to go through burying her own child. Resenting her serves you no good. She probably already blames herself for the loss of your sister. This is the time where you need to stick together and be strong for your Mother. All you have is each other, and this is even more true since the divorce.
“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…”Quran (02:286)
Whatever trial comes your way is something that Allah has planned and which He has guaranteed you can handle. I know it will sound easy to someone like me who hasn’t lost a sibling, but this is the word of Allah and you have to maintain faith that this is true.
Maybe take time out of school to focus on healing and repairing the relationship with your Mother. Share only the fond memories of your sister, and speak about her often. Maybe that might help. And most importantly prayer, without prayer there won’t be real healing.
Hey girl I came across your platform and I’m loving all the advice you’re giving out! Little bit unrelated but do you know any platforms where I can learn how to speak somali. I’m a proper hooyo mataalo 😭
Aww thank you! And girl I am just as bad as you, you need to find one for me
Why do somali hooyos glamorise struggle love
Because that’s all they knew
Hi,
This question isn’t marriage/relationship related at all, I hope that’s alright. I start university this year after choosing to take a gap year last summer. I completed my A-Levels online and am a very shy person in general, so I haven’t really spoken to anyone (outside of my family & one friend) since the summer of 2019. As I’ll be entering university this year, I’m becoming more and more anxious. I’ve never been good at making friends and hate making the first move/starting the conservation. I was hoping on some advice on how to become more confident? I don’t want to go through uni without any friends but I’m so shy and awkward I think it might actually be a possibility. I feel behind already since I’ll be a year older than the majority of my classmates, which has led to be feeling more anxious than usual. I’m just unbelievably shy, and wish I was a more confident and assertive girl because I really miss being part of a proper friendship group. Any advice?
Hey and of course this is alright !
Trust me, you’ll be surprised at how many people your age are on your course, or older in fact. Very rarely is it just 18/19 year olds. In regards to making friends, everyone is on the same boat. Everyone will be just as nervous as you. Hopefully they still do this but definitely try to join some Uni societies, definitely the islamic society, that I found was the fastest to make friends. The first semester might be really awkward for you but by mid term you’re going to feel comfortable. Just get the awkwardness out the way.
in regards to not giving your all to a man before it’s serious (as in literally the nikkah day or at least the engagement ) I agree, be your own person. idk if it’s weird but I try not to even think long term and nothing in my life changes at all if anything when it’s getting a bit serious I go all out (see my friends more and just live life) and try to focus on things I want to do before I’m married
That’s the best way. When you start seeing married life as the end all be all, it will make you feel lonely. Especially because Husbands always have their own lives outside of their relationship. They still go football, they still see their friends. You only ever hear women ditching all their friends.
Thank you for your response. In the sense of maintaining his lifestyle – he’s mentioned that he has been saving for the past few years now in the event that when he settles down, he will be ready and stable. Therefore, I can only assume that he is still living on that. We did previously mention creating a joint account (instead of constantly wasting our money) and I’m thankful we didn’t go through it with it considering the circumstances he is in now , would he have used the money WE saved to live on? Nonetheless, I’m just concerned about the money in which he saved, am I selfish into thinking that this is already an issue, and how far does his savings stretch to cover him for 7/8 months and does that put us in a financial burden a few months into our marriage. He has reassured me plenty of times, however, reassuring me only gets you so far.
If he has no money, the last thing you should be doing is getting a joint account because he will be living off of YOUR money. The reality is if you marry a man who has no job or money, you will struggle. Maybe it could change for you guys but realistically looking at the type of life he lives? How can you be so sure? You have to make that decision whether to gamble with your life and future.
What if you get pregnant, he can barely look after himself, what makes you think he can care for you and a baby?
Not a question but just wanted to say that I see a lot of marriage talks on here, and the whole concept of finding the right person comes from having trust in Allah.
Regardless marriage is a gamble. You just never know. There’s people I know who have been together for years and get divorced quickly, while there’s people I know who’ve known each other for small periods and are happily married.
Know that marriage is a provision, love is a provision, and Allah is the provider. The prophet saw said about khadija that “ Allah has PROVIDED me with her love” .
Those who are seeking it, stop fearing the unknown of the future, get yourself close to Allah and focus on your relationship with Him.
Those who are having issues, turn to Allah, beg Him, and know that He alone can fix your problems, it’s easy for Him.
Those who are happily married, give thanks to Allah, and pray that He keeps you like that. Today, tomorrow, and in the aaakirah.
All is all everything is from Allah. He gives without measure and He is the most wise. Acquaint yourself with Him.
-xo
You’re absolutely right, i love this reminder