Awwwww ameen ameen! And yes! Going to look into blogs and hopefully want to ask some girls to write a submission 🙂
Anon
2 years ago
Hey sis just like to say I love your platform and I think you giving amazing advice MashaAllah. My question maybe a bit too tmi so please forgive me if it is. I am about to get married with in the next couple of months and I have been looking at contraception options . I am certain that I do not want a hormonal one. I think I’ve seen you mention that you have the copper IUD and this is an option that I am looking at. I’m a virgin and wanted to ask what the insertion process was like pain was etc and if you’ve had any issues with it . Jzk sis x
I got the mirena, so it had a little hormones but it is localised. I didnt want the pill or implants, because I know my body wouldn’t react well with to all the hormones. I IUD insertion was awful, honestly at one point I was going to say take it out. And the month after is was hell. Constant cramps that make you feel like you’re about to give birth. But 6 months on, I genuinely forget I even have it. And its the most effective form of contraception, and you don’t have to worry about it for 5 years. In my opinion, if I look back, the pain was worth it. Maybe my mind will change in the future though.
What I will say is avoid copper IUD. Apparently it makes your period 10-15 days long, and its heavier.
Anon
2 years ago
Do you think you have to somewhat forgive an ex to get over it
I think acceptance is important to grow and move on, but forgiveness? Allow it! Some people really do not deserve forgiveness. I think you can find your peace by accepting what happened, taking what lessons I can from it, and moving on. But I definitely don’t think forgiveness is necessary for peace.
Anon
2 years ago
Hey sis hope you’re well, I cant seem to get over my ex & he can’t get over me either from what i see. We had a conversation at the start of the year about marriage & he had said he wasn’t financially ready for that, i then told him I didn’t want to get into relationship as we had already dated for a year & i dont feel comfortable being in a haram relationship anymore. Since then i have spoken to different guys but i feel so emotionally unavailable that it ends up going no where. I don’t know if i should bring up this topic again with him or just ignore my feelings till he messages me about it ( we’ve had causal conversations here & there, and he pops up whenever i post a story but no serious conversation) . I don’t want to lower my standards in terms of finances & what I expect from him but i dont know if i should completely block him everywhere & pray that helps me move on or shall i keep holding on!! We’re both in our late twenties btw. Hope this made sense x
You both made the right decision. He knows financially he is not ready for marriage, it takes a lot for someone to admit that, and you don’t want to be in a haram relationship anymore that is leading nowhere. This is the best decision. You know you don’t want to lower your standards anymore, and trust me, that is the last thing you should do. Because you will resent him in the future.
Now getting over him, that is the difficult part. Straight away, You have to cut off contact. ASAP. No matter how hard you feel it is, homeboy has got to go. That includes all forms of communications. And no, he can’t stay on snapchat. This will leave you with 2 hypothetical situations: 1, out of sight, out of mind – you won’t be thinking about them at all, 2: your ex is surprised by how easy you were able to get over him or her and comes running back, leaving you in control. Maybe then he will get ready financially for you and start taking life seriously.
Start envisioning a life without him. Sure yeah you wanted to be married, but look at all the things you CAN do if you’re not married. Decide you want to work and move abroad, date multiple people, go out all the time, not have to worry about someone else or worry if you’re being inconsiderate. Singledom is not as bad as what people make it out to be. If you’re finding it lonely, its because you’re not doing single right!
Anon
2 years ago
Girl… I hope you’ve prerecorded a few episodes for the podcast in case we go into a lockdown😭😭😭
This guy (28 m) I’ve (25 f) been talking to for a while and went on dates with seems like the perfect guy on paper. When the topic of marriage came up he started getting nervous. So I called him out on it, only for him to disclose that he was born with a condition and his dick is 2 inches (fully erect) I thought the whole thing was a joke until he swore on the Quran. I’ve just been put off since then and idk if I’m overreacting but I didn’t stay a virgin for 20+ years to not get satisfied. Am I right for thinking I’ll be miserable if I end up with him or am I just missing out on a great guy?
If you can’t deal with this situation with the sensitivity it requires, then I would see the door. I understand you have rights, and it’s completely understandable that this is uncomfortable for you, but you need to be sensitive. Poor thing he probably really likes you, and it’s understandable why he was nervous to tell you. Can you imagine??? But that news is a lot for most women to deal with, especially when you’ve never had sex before so that is going to be your first experience? If you were to get out the picture, I wouldn’t blame you. But I would feel sorry for him though 🙁
Haha why would he when he literally suggested this to me himself. He never had any experience of making the website but he still learnt on the spot (but he’s also a programmer so it wasn’t that’s hard). But yeah he supports everything I’m really passionate about and will even go out of his way to make what I want easier for me. I know what you mean though, some men are just weird. Don’t support their Mrs will nothing but what they will do is police
Anon
2 years ago
It’s kind of a funny one reading some of these questions. My brother in his mid 30s too and he is looking to get married. He is honestly the kindest man I know and would make an amazing husband and father. Unfortunately he just isn’t that well off financially. He has had to help out my step mum with running the house his whole life as the oldest sibling of many kids and basically lend money to everyone including my father. He paid a lot of money a few years ago towards some land back home that my uncle wanted him to buy for him. I don’t think he’s been able to recover from that financially since. It’s sad because I know if he didn’t have that burden on him since a young age he wouldn’t be in the situation he is in now. The girl he wants to marry is demanding a huge meher fee and a wedding. She told him that if she doesn’t get it then she’ll never get over it ever. He literally can’t afford it but nowadays people want big weddings just to show off to people they don’t even like. As a girl it’s hard for me because I understand that it’s her wedding and it’s something she’s dreamed of her whole life but, at the same time I feel like we should value the person more. I don’t know what the situation will be like when I find someone I want to marry but I would hope that I would love and value them so much that things like that wouldn’t matter as much. I wish he had been more honest about his finances with her but, he doesn’t work a really high paying job which I’m sure she would’ve googled the salary of and figured out early on. I understand where girls come from but being on the other side watching my brother stressed about a meher fees and a wedding is sad to see. I feel like the money would be put to much better use towards a home, travelling etc. I know ideally as women we want both but look at the world we live in. People up and down this country are using food banks and struggling to survive. Yes want more out of life but don’t let materialism get in the way of living life
I get you are seeing it from your brothers perspective, but you are making generalisation’s and characterisation of women as materialistic and selfish. Women and men today are not equal and they don’t have the same roles or responsibilities.
Even if men and and women tend to have the same income, but if the bride and groom live in different places, who tends to the be the one moving? Women. Women are the ones being uprooted, displaced, unable to find work, and before they do, they get pregnant. Then they’re out of work for a long time. That’s a long time of her financial situation being completely out of her control and in the hands of her husband. In cases of financial (or other) abuse, what form of protection does a wife have for herself?
If you brother gets married and his wife were to become suddenly pregnant. Who, on average, is going to give up (or temporarily disrupt) their career to take care of the child? This is another example of how women are financially reliant on their husbands.
The mehr, Islamically, is just a gift. So any meaning or reasoning we attach to it is our own. But just think a little about the cultural dynamics and the inherent financial disadvantage women are in by the very nature of marriage. You are giving up your life to live with a person that could turn out to be someone entirely different than what you expect. Sure, that’s scary for both genders, but imagine how much scarier it is if you’re completely reliant on the other person for sustenance.
Your brother has to understand that if he wants to find a wife that’ll be happy for him. Unfortunately he has the family burden on HIS shoulders so right now he might not be in a position to get married. If his family are genuinely concerned, they need to help spread the load so it gives him room to be ready for marriage.
Anon
2 years ago
Also, I couldn’t tell if you were a prude or not so I’m sorry for asking such a question. If you don’t respond I’ll understand. I dont know if there’s a face to this website or if you answer anonymously too. If you do answer, this is the only way I’ll be able to thank you. So thank you. I haven’t got any female opinions on this. I appreciate it
This is so cute Lula, may Allah bless your marriage and grant you both success p.s start a blog 👀
Awwwww ameen ameen! And yes! Going to look into blogs and hopefully want to ask some girls to write a submission 🙂
Hey sis just like to say I love your platform and I think you giving amazing advice MashaAllah. My question maybe a bit too tmi so please forgive me if it is. I am about to get married with in the next couple of months and I have been looking at contraception options . I am certain that I do not want a hormonal one. I think I’ve seen you mention that you have the copper IUD and this is an option that I am looking at. I’m a virgin and wanted to ask what the insertion process was like pain was etc and if you’ve had any issues with it . Jzk sis x
I got the mirena, so it had a little hormones but it is localised. I didnt want the pill or implants, because I know my body wouldn’t react well with to all the hormones. I IUD insertion was awful, honestly at one point I was going to say take it out. And the month after is was hell. Constant cramps that make you feel like you’re about to give birth. But 6 months on, I genuinely forget I even have it. And its the most effective form of contraception, and you don’t have to worry about it for 5 years. In my opinion, if I look back, the pain was worth it. Maybe my mind will change in the future though.
What I will say is avoid copper IUD. Apparently it makes your period 10-15 days long, and its heavier.
Do you think you have to somewhat forgive an ex to get over it
I think acceptance is important to grow and move on, but forgiveness? Allow it! Some people really do not deserve forgiveness. I think you can find your peace by accepting what happened, taking what lessons I can from it, and moving on. But I definitely don’t think forgiveness is necessary for peace.
Hey sis hope you’re well, I cant seem to get over my ex & he can’t get over me either from what i see. We had a conversation at the start of the year about marriage & he had said he wasn’t financially ready for that, i then told him I didn’t want to get into relationship as we had already dated for a year & i dont feel comfortable being in a haram relationship anymore. Since then i have spoken to different guys but i feel so emotionally unavailable that it ends up going no where. I don’t know if i should bring up this topic again with him or just ignore my feelings till he messages me about it ( we’ve had causal conversations here & there, and he pops up whenever i post a story but no serious conversation) . I don’t want to lower my standards in terms of finances & what I expect from him but i dont know if i should completely block him everywhere & pray that helps me move on or shall i keep holding on!! We’re both in our late twenties btw. Hope this made sense x
You both made the right decision. He knows financially he is not ready for marriage, it takes a lot for someone to admit that, and you don’t want to be in a haram relationship anymore that is leading nowhere. This is the best decision. You know you don’t want to lower your standards anymore, and trust me, that is the last thing you should do. Because you will resent him in the future.
Now getting over him, that is the difficult part. Straight away, You have to cut off contact. ASAP. No matter how hard you feel it is, homeboy has got to go. That includes all forms of communications. And no, he can’t stay on snapchat. This will leave you with 2 hypothetical situations: 1, out of sight, out of mind – you won’t be thinking about them at all, 2: your ex is surprised by how easy you were able to get over him or her and comes running back, leaving you in control. Maybe then he will get ready financially for you and start taking life seriously.
Start envisioning a life without him. Sure yeah you wanted to be married, but look at all the things you CAN do if you’re not married. Decide you want to work and move abroad, date multiple people, go out all the time, not have to worry about someone else or worry if you’re being inconsiderate. Singledom is not as bad as what people make it out to be. If you’re finding it lonely, its because you’re not doing single right!
Girl… I hope you’ve prerecorded a few episodes for the podcast in case we go into a lockdown😭😭😭
10 prerecorded episodes!
No questions but your advices!! 10/10
Thank you ❤️
This guy (28 m) I’ve (25 f) been talking to for a while and went on dates with seems like the perfect guy on paper. When the topic of marriage came up he started getting nervous. So I called him out on it, only for him to disclose that he was born with a condition and his dick is 2 inches (fully erect) I thought the whole thing was a joke until he swore on the Quran. I’ve just been put off since then and idk if I’m overreacting but I didn’t stay a virgin for 20+ years to not get satisfied. Am I right for thinking I’ll be miserable if I end up with him or am I just missing out on a great guy?
If you can’t deal with this situation with the sensitivity it requires, then I would see the door. I understand you have rights, and it’s completely understandable that this is uncomfortable for you, but you need to be sensitive. Poor thing he probably really likes you, and it’s understandable why he was nervous to tell you. Can you imagine??? But that news is a lot for most women to deal with, especially when you’ve never had sex before so that is going to be your first experience? If you were to get out the picture, I wouldn’t blame you. But I would feel sorry for him though 🙁
Haha why would he when he literally suggested this to me himself. He never had any experience of making the website but he still learnt on the spot (but he’s also a programmer so it wasn’t that’s hard). But yeah he supports everything I’m really passionate about and will even go out of his way to make what I want easier for me. I know what you mean though, some men are just weird. Don’t support their Mrs will nothing but what they will do is police
It’s kind of a funny one reading some of these questions. My brother in his mid 30s too and he is looking to get married. He is honestly the kindest man I know and would make an amazing husband and father. Unfortunately he just isn’t that well off financially. He has had to help out my step mum with running the house his whole life as the oldest sibling of many kids and basically lend money to everyone including my father. He paid a lot of money a few years ago towards some land back home that my uncle wanted him to buy for him. I don’t think he’s been able to recover from that financially since. It’s sad because I know if he didn’t have that burden on him since a young age he wouldn’t be in the situation he is in now. The girl he wants to marry is demanding a huge meher fee and a wedding. She told him that if she doesn’t get it then she’ll never get over it ever. He literally can’t afford it but nowadays people want big weddings just to show off to people they don’t even like. As a girl it’s hard for me because I understand that it’s her wedding and it’s something she’s dreamed of her whole life but, at the same time I feel like we should value the person more. I don’t know what the situation will be like when I find someone I want to marry but I would hope that I would love and value them so much that things like that wouldn’t matter as much. I wish he had been more honest about his finances with her but, he doesn’t work a really high paying job which I’m sure she would’ve googled the salary of and figured out early on. I understand where girls come from but being on the other side watching my brother stressed about a meher fees and a wedding is sad to see. I feel like the money would be put to much better use towards a home, travelling etc. I know ideally as women we want both but look at the world we live in. People up and down this country are using food banks and struggling to survive. Yes want more out of life but don’t let materialism get in the way of living life
I get you are seeing it from your brothers perspective, but you are making generalisation’s and characterisation of women as materialistic and selfish. Women and men today are not equal and they don’t have the same roles or responsibilities.
Even if men and and women tend to have the same income, but if the bride and groom live in different places, who tends to the be the one moving? Women. Women are the ones being uprooted, displaced, unable to find work, and before they do, they get pregnant. Then they’re out of work for a long time. That’s a long time of her financial situation being completely out of her control and in the hands of her husband. In cases of financial (or other) abuse, what form of protection does a wife have for herself?
If you brother gets married and his wife were to become suddenly pregnant. Who, on average, is going to give up (or temporarily disrupt) their career to take care of the child? This is another example of how women are financially reliant on their husbands.
The mehr, Islamically, is just a gift. So any meaning or reasoning we attach to it is our own. But just think a little about the cultural dynamics and the inherent financial disadvantage women are in by the very nature of marriage. You are giving up your life to live with a person that could turn out to be someone entirely different than what you expect. Sure, that’s scary for both genders, but imagine how much scarier it is if you’re completely reliant on the other person for sustenance.
Your brother has to understand that if he wants to find a wife that’ll be happy for him. Unfortunately he has the family burden on HIS shoulders so right now he might not be in a position to get married. If his family are genuinely concerned, they need to help spread the load so it gives him room to be ready for marriage.
Also, I couldn’t tell if you were a prude or not so I’m sorry for asking such a question. If you don’t respond I’ll understand. I dont know if there’s a face to this website or if you answer anonymously too. If you do answer, this is the only way I’ll be able to thank you. So thank you. I haven’t got any female opinions on this. I appreciate it
Aww, don’t worry, I answered it 🙂 You’re so welcome