Hey girls,
I’m currently in a middle of a dilemma. I’ll start off with the first boy (A). I’ve known A for quite some time now, about 6-7 years. It started off as a friendship and we grew closer. Over time, I began to fall for him and I knew he was interested in me from the very beginning. Anyways, we would talk everyday but we didn’t meet up often, apprx 2-3 months which was fine because we were so busy with work and our personal life. We would meet up to revise with one another occasionally and meet up in amongst friendship groups etc. It started getting serious from the end of 2018 and mid spring he asked me to be his girl, in which I replied no, considering I was still very much comfortable with getting to know him and I’m not settling for bf/gf. He would constantly shower me with gifts and likewise, I would gift him on occasions. We were extremely happy and it was almost as if we were going with the flow. It was like more than friends, less than lovers type of vibe but the only reason is because I was very shy and he would’ve been the first guy I could wholeheartedly say I liked liked (at my big age I know haha). Anyways, there was always the fundamental thing we lacked and that was communication. We have never argued, we have never had a row of any kind. He was super sweet to me. I’ve never seen that side to him, nor has he seen that side of me. We would just naturally distant ourselves from one another and if he had a personal problem he would go MIA for a number of days, weeks even. Towards the end of spring, we’d mutually agreed to cut things completely off and to try and keep things platonic. Mid Summer 2019, I met another guy (B). There was an instant attraction and we got on like a house on fire. After months of getting to know one another, despite hitting it off from the very get go, we’d go on a few date nights etc. He would collect me from work and we would spend majority of our personal times together. My birthday came, and A sent me a message wishing me a happy birthday. He would send me messages here and there saying how he misses me, checking up on me and I would keep it very platonic. Over lockdown, A gifted me with a sentimental gift. A gift that was incredibly thoughtful and til this very day I am grateful for. B, on the other hand, I have been having many ups and downs with. I cannot help but compare the two, and I know that if anything was to happen between me and B, A will always be there but I wouldn’t go back to him. I don’t know if I have unresolved feelings for A, but as my heart lies with B, my head is with A. Am I full of regret for letting A go so easily or am I not content with B? I’m extremely confused.
The reality is your heart is not with B, and luckily you are not married, so you don’t have to continue this relationship if you don’t want to.
Man A for you, is someone you didn’t really get to pursue things with to know if it’d truly work out. I think its quite normal to experience those things with someone else. You start something and just as its getting really good, it suddenly stops. For some people they get over it really quickly, but for others this can dwell on their mind for a really long time. Before I thought it was just men that do this, but I’m recently learning that women do this too (Think about what could have been with someone else). Then it manifests to the ‘what ifs’.
Go back to A and pursue things properly. But only if he is ready to communicate how he truly feels with you. I honestly don’t know why but for some guys it is so hard to tell you they like you, and deep down I honestly feel like it’s the fear of rejection or knowing that they can’t measure up to the type of guy you want. So that makes it twice as hard for them to tell you how they truly feel.
Go back honestly. At least then if it doesn’t bang, you’ll never have the what if feeling.
Anon
3 years ago
Heyy girls! I have a generic question. What signs do we need to look for if a man wants any woman and is ready for marriage and is speaking to you because you’re there rather than wanting you specifically. I hope it makes sense.
– When there are not a whole lot of common goals between you two, and he doesn’t care.
– Barely any chemistry, and things can get awkward quite quickly.
– They barely know anything about you, and it shows.
– Things are far too convenient for him. Being with someone is easy yes but when it’s TOO easy, its very suspicious.
– They put the focus too much on marriage that it starts to feel like they want a shotgun wedding. For example, when he suggests to just get married but live separately. He’s not ready for marriage but he wants one right this second.
– If they had a better offer than you, deep down you know they would leave in a heart beat.
– All the mandem are getting married, and now he feels like he has to as well.
– When you guys have a small argument, his main focus is to avoid rather than communicate. He will come back when he assumes you have gotten over it because he doesn’t care to explain himself or make you feel better.
– Has his ex gotten married before he started seeing you? Make sure you check if there was ever a ‘the one that got away’ if you know what I mean. Too many girls are getting married to men who just miss their exes.
Anon
3 years ago
Heyx
I’m going to try to keep my question short.
So me and my husband have been married for 1 year.He’s originally from the states and has business there. We met through his cousin who is also one of my closest friends. He is back and forth between here and the states and sadly We have only spent 5 months together in the U.K. since getting married. honestly I can’t complain about him, he takes pride in ensuring that the finances and the home is taken care of- I don’t have to ask for anything and he’s very very supportive of my dream to become a midwife.
However I am starting to worry about the fact that we are not married legally ? In the rush of the nikkah and arroos we agreed we would push it off for a few weeks until we could get all the paper work sorted. It’s been months now and I’m starting to worry about it. During pillowtalk I mentioned it to him and he agreed that we needed to get it sorted but he said we should wait at least 2 years until he’s fully migrated his business to the U.K. this was really hard for me to swallow and honestly I have a pit in my stomach when I think about it. Admittedly I do struggle with abandonment issues from some stuff growing up with men but also I feel like we should just get this ticked off – what if I were to get pregnant ? I want the security of a legal marriage too.
Luula what should I do walaalo? Am I overreacting? I don’t have any friends who are married- is it common to push off the legal marriage/ do many people even get married legally in our community anyway ?
He said he supports getting married legally, and to be honest, with the amount that is going on right now, it makes sense to put it on the back burner for now. When you try to do to many things at once, its not the best idea. Because it gets really overwhelming.
Everything else is good in your relationship, and I am glad you are recognizing that maybe it’s your abandonment issues playing up and for once I actually agree. I got married nearly 7 months ago and we are still finding the time to get legally married. We will probably do this on our first year anniversary. Most Islamic couples wait a while before getting legally married too. Especially after the stress of a wedding, it takes you a while to muster up the strength to go through it again. Getting married legally is not as easy as you think.
He is not going anywhere. You have to start learning to be okay with yourself and being by yourself because that will help you not be as afraid of someone leaving you – because you’ll be better equipped for that should it ever happen. I may not be explaining it very well, but when I started working on myself and my insecurities I became far less afraid if anyone left me, because I 1) became more okay with being by myself and 2) started to believe that I was actually worthy of someone staying.
If you are worried you may have children in this time, hold off on children until after you get legally married. Make sure you are stacked up on contraception. And in the meantime, communicate these abandonment issues with your spouse.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey lovelies! Hope your well I’ve been speaking to a guy for about a year now anyways his sister is recently getting married and the guy she’s marrying is speaking to my cousin and has been for a while on and off and I told my cousin she was shocked and decided to free herself from the mess and block him everywhere anyways I told him too he didn’t tell his sister should I see this as a red flag it’s very odd and is leaving me with a bad gut feeling.
1) Have factual evidence that cannot be refuted and not hearsay. This you could present to the guy you are seeing.
2) Let’s say you do this, now you have to deal with the repercussions. He gets you involved and now his sister contacts you and decides she doesn’t believe you. Or wants to stay with him anyway. Now you look extra silly.
3) You mind your business and be none the wiser.
If you know what’s good for you, you will choose the latter.
Anon
3 years ago
Can you define what a love bomb is and why it’s a red flag pls
Love bombing is literally proclaiming their admiration for you in like the first few days or weeks even of knowing you. For example they might say you’re the most amazing woman they’ve ever met, when you’ve only been chatting for a couple hours (This actually happened to me). And that they will take you to anywhere in the world and do all these things for you, and you’re like do you even know me??? Oh and when they actually tell you they love you two weeks in (Also happened to me).
It means shallow emotions because real love takes a while to develop and the first few weeks of dating are still the infatuation period. Its a red flag because It’s actually considered a form of emotional abuse in extreme examples. That’s because its really apart of the grooming process when a controlling person tries to pick their victim and prep them. They want to lovebomb the person who they think really needs to hear it and will be blown away.The person doing the love bombing hopes that the constant stream of attention, compliments, interests, etc. makes the person so enamoured that they want this level of praise all the time. Then the love bomber stops or changes their tune once they get you, then the love bombing ceases to exist. Have you standing around thinking, where is the energy you gave me before?
Now they become very hypercritical, they remind you in all the ways that you’re not as great as they once said you were. The literally set out to humble you indirectly and knock you off of this high pedestal they put you on. “You think you’re so nice”.
So yeah, its a red flag.
Anon
3 years ago
Salaam Sis
I have a dilemma which I have been internally dealing with for sometime. From the onset, I am a bubbly and friendly person who has the ability to talk to anyone with ease and making friends is not hard for me. However, what tends to happen in these encounters with those that I really get along really well is that it does not lead to very meaningful and long-lasting connections/friendships i.e lack of communication from them and as a result me ALWAYS being the one to reach out.I have friends scattered all across the place but to be honest I feel mad lonely. Part of me understands that this may be due to me having this reputation as the ”strong” friend(which is partly true) but no-one seems to recognise that I actually have feelings.I don’t need to depend on others but it would be nice to have a couple of people to talk/vent regularly but there is also this element of being in London where everyone has to be hard-faced, non-transparent and any signs of vulnerability is seen as a burden. Ngl, this mentality definitely corrupted me for a long time but tbh I am tired and no longer want friendships to be like that.
My question how do I navigate these feelings and issues without pissing off friends and how to make meaningful long-lasting friendships because I KNOW how important they are . I appreciate if you can’t answer fully but tbh this has been a nice place to vent!
Blessings
Say what you mean, mean what you say but don’t say it mean.
You can’t control how people react to you expressing your hurt or discomfort. You can’t control how people react to you setting boundaries. All you can do is express how you feel about their actions and ask them to do better by you. Communication is so key. You need to explain what is bothering you and be intentional about it. Obviously some people might react badly to hearing they’ve hurt someone.
Perhaps you could say something like “I’m sure you didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but when you said XYZ the other day. What was going on for you to say that?” This gives them an out of automatically assuming they didn’t mean to, assuming you actually believe that, of course. It helps to lessen the defensiveness. It also gives them a chance to tell their side.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey lula, please do make that second page you are talking about! I desperately wanted to find a way to reach out to the same sister who spoke about her mental health and befriend her. So please do create the page so we can connect with people who need support. Love you and your page.
Inshallah we will do! Its going to take some time though
And thank you so much
Anon
3 years ago
I am insecure about my weight and my wedding is 2 weeks away. I’m 5’7 weighing about 90 kg. My weight doesn’t show too much but I have flab stomach, love handles and back rolls 😣🥴 My fiancé made a passing light hearted comments about my weight which ended up hurting me and after I reacted, he apologised and actually cried that he did that. He did another joke again after some months comparing our weight.
He also told me he dislikes fat people and that it’s his fear. Btw he is someone you can consider very fit. He gyms and eats clean. He also always told me so many times that I am his perfect women and that he is extremely attracted to me and wants me how I am.
Generally he really is sweet to me and is a genuinely good person but I just can’t get passed this issue deep in my heart.
Please advise me. Is my insecurity making me overthink or is this actually a red flag? Am I overreacting?
Well clearly he is not very sorry if he told you that he hates fat people? My goodness. I’d be too insecure to marry someone like this, especially because when you have kids you don’t know which way it’d go. He sounds like the type to look at you differently if you were to have any baby weight too. And that’s not really conditional love is it? That is absolutely a red flag and i think you know it too. You know you’ll never be truly comfortable with someone who says stuff like that to you. And being married is all about being comfortable, he is going to see you naked and these are the thoughts he is going to have of you. And I can already tell you will hide or avoid any opportunity for him to see you fully naked. You shouldn’t have to experience married life like that sis. Your Husband should make you feel the most comfortable and the most sexiest woman in the world. He should be obsessed with your body, every single bit of it. This guy is too hypercritical and as much as he apologises to you, he will never be truly happy until you are skin and bone. And the reality is he won’t be attracted to you either until then.
Rethink this relationship.
Anon
3 years ago
Does the grooms side of the family, help pay for the wedding cost or is it just the groom himself?
The groom pays most of it I believe, but in most cases the men’s side of the family all come up with a lot of money towards the wedding. Especially if he is the first born son. But if the groom has his own money and is not really struggling, then his family won’t have to chip in (Unless they want to). It’s all relative. Does that make sense?
Anon
3 years ago
Hey I really need some big sis advice 😭
I’ve been seeing this guy for about a year now, on and off. We’ve spoken about getting married and we get on really well overall. He’s a great guy and has a good personality.
My problem is that he’s consistently shown me that he’s kinda cheap! As in he won’t take me out to eat or take me for activities, most of our dates are chilling in my car (because he don’t have one). We’re long distance so almost every time I’ve traveled to go see him. When I suggest he can come see me, he makes it a massive deal and talks about how long it takes for him to get to me by train/bus etc. He’s always talking about how much money he has and how he works overtime, but I’m just left wondering why he doesn’t show that side to me. He also always mentions how I don’t treat him right and that I have never bought him anything to show him that I love him.
Is that even reason to cut a guy off? I don’t want to be petty, but I’m starting to feel like a sugar mamma at this point! Help!
You are starting to feel like a sugar Mamma, sis you are the sugar mama!! I am going to be brutally honest with you, this is your fault. You are too masculine in this relationship. Fix up.
1) Why on earth is he chilling in YOUR car as a date??? With men you have to be very careful. When they see you letting them do this, subconsciously they won’t rate you. You’re no longer a lady that deserves to be romanced. In fact, you have shown them that they don’t have to do the most if they want to see you. If he ever put you on a pedestal before, you knocked yourself off like the theme song to Eastenders.
2) It’s YOU travelling to see him? On top of that, he tells you to your face that you’re not worth taking buses/trains for when all he has to do is sit down and put his headphones in? And then there’s you, driving hours sitting in traffic to see him? Omg I can’t breathe.
3) So this guy has money, he is just choosing to not take you out ON PURPOSE!!! This is how much he values you. Can’t even take you to get a happy meal.
4) After all you do for this wasteman, he is asking you to buy him gifts? Omg this guy is actually mocking it.
He’s a mooch, there is an implicit lack of respect by him towards you and as far as I’m concerned you’re allowing it. Stop offering shit like this to men, it sets a bad precedent. Are you looking to be a sugar mama? This guy probably think he’s got himself a nice little arrangement here with you and you know what, I don’t blame him
You need to take some accountability here. How the hell do you want to marry someone who treats you like you’re his purse?? More and more men are going to treat you like this if this is how you even treat yourself. You make It very obvious that you will do anything and everything just so a man would want to be with you and that my friend is why he has taken advantage of you. Where are your friends?? Someone actually needs to talk sense into you desperately.
Also, you should be angry he would even move like this with you, because I guarantee he would never do this to a girl he actually idolizes and rates. Men will rob a bank trying to impress a girl that they really want. Not only is he NOT trying to impress you, he does not give a flying toss showing you how much of a bum he is. Mazzaleen. And this is who you want to marry? You will find better men in Somalia man get rid of this guy.
Hey girls,
I’m currently in a middle of a dilemma. I’ll start off with the first boy (A). I’ve known A for quite some time now, about 6-7 years. It started off as a friendship and we grew closer. Over time, I began to fall for him and I knew he was interested in me from the very beginning. Anyways, we would talk everyday but we didn’t meet up often, apprx 2-3 months which was fine because we were so busy with work and our personal life. We would meet up to revise with one another occasionally and meet up in amongst friendship groups etc. It started getting serious from the end of 2018 and mid spring he asked me to be his girl, in which I replied no, considering I was still very much comfortable with getting to know him and I’m not settling for bf/gf. He would constantly shower me with gifts and likewise, I would gift him on occasions. We were extremely happy and it was almost as if we were going with the flow. It was like more than friends, less than lovers type of vibe but the only reason is because I was very shy and he would’ve been the first guy I could wholeheartedly say I liked liked (at my big age I know haha). Anyways, there was always the fundamental thing we lacked and that was communication. We have never argued, we have never had a row of any kind. He was super sweet to me. I’ve never seen that side to him, nor has he seen that side of me. We would just naturally distant ourselves from one another and if he had a personal problem he would go MIA for a number of days, weeks even. Towards the end of spring, we’d mutually agreed to cut things completely off and to try and keep things platonic. Mid Summer 2019, I met another guy (B). There was an instant attraction and we got on like a house on fire. After months of getting to know one another, despite hitting it off from the very get go, we’d go on a few date nights etc. He would collect me from work and we would spend majority of our personal times together. My birthday came, and A sent me a message wishing me a happy birthday. He would send me messages here and there saying how he misses me, checking up on me and I would keep it very platonic. Over lockdown, A gifted me with a sentimental gift. A gift that was incredibly thoughtful and til this very day I am grateful for. B, on the other hand, I have been having many ups and downs with. I cannot help but compare the two, and I know that if anything was to happen between me and B, A will always be there but I wouldn’t go back to him. I don’t know if I have unresolved feelings for A, but as my heart lies with B, my head is with A. Am I full of regret for letting A go so easily or am I not content with B? I’m extremely confused.
The reality is your heart is not with B, and luckily you are not married, so you don’t have to continue this relationship if you don’t want to.
Man A for you, is someone you didn’t really get to pursue things with to know if it’d truly work out. I think its quite normal to experience those things with someone else. You start something and just as its getting really good, it suddenly stops. For some people they get over it really quickly, but for others this can dwell on their mind for a really long time. Before I thought it was just men that do this, but I’m recently learning that women do this too (Think about what could have been with someone else). Then it manifests to the ‘what ifs’.
Go back to A and pursue things properly. But only if he is ready to communicate how he truly feels with you. I honestly don’t know why but for some guys it is so hard to tell you they like you, and deep down I honestly feel like it’s the fear of rejection or knowing that they can’t measure up to the type of guy you want. So that makes it twice as hard for them to tell you how they truly feel.
Go back honestly. At least then if it doesn’t bang, you’ll never have the what if feeling.
Heyy girls! I have a generic question. What signs do we need to look for if a man wants any woman and is ready for marriage and is speaking to you because you’re there rather than wanting you specifically. I hope it makes sense.
– When there are not a whole lot of common goals between you two, and he doesn’t care.
– Barely any chemistry, and things can get awkward quite quickly.
– They barely know anything about you, and it shows.
– Things are far too convenient for him. Being with someone is easy yes but when it’s TOO easy, its very suspicious.
– They put the focus too much on marriage that it starts to feel like they want a shotgun wedding. For example, when he suggests to just get married but live separately. He’s not ready for marriage but he wants one right this second.
– If they had a better offer than you, deep down you know they would leave in a heart beat.
– All the mandem are getting married, and now he feels like he has to as well.
– When you guys have a small argument, his main focus is to avoid rather than communicate. He will come back when he assumes you have gotten over it because he doesn’t care to explain himself or make you feel better.
– Has his ex gotten married before he started seeing you? Make sure you check if there was ever a ‘the one that got away’ if you know what I mean. Too many girls are getting married to men who just miss their exes.
Heyx
I’m going to try to keep my question short.
So me and my husband have been married for 1 year.He’s originally from the states and has business there. We met through his cousin who is also one of my closest friends. He is back and forth between here and the states and sadly We have only spent 5 months together in the U.K. since getting married. honestly I can’t complain about him, he takes pride in ensuring that the finances and the home is taken care of- I don’t have to ask for anything and he’s very very supportive of my dream to become a midwife.
However I am starting to worry about the fact that we are not married legally ? In the rush of the nikkah and arroos we agreed we would push it off for a few weeks until we could get all the paper work sorted. It’s been months now and I’m starting to worry about it. During pillowtalk I mentioned it to him and he agreed that we needed to get it sorted but he said we should wait at least 2 years until he’s fully migrated his business to the U.K. this was really hard for me to swallow and honestly I have a pit in my stomach when I think about it. Admittedly I do struggle with abandonment issues from some stuff growing up with men but also I feel like we should just get this ticked off – what if I were to get pregnant ? I want the security of a legal marriage too.
Luula what should I do walaalo? Am I overreacting? I don’t have any friends who are married- is it common to push off the legal marriage/ do many people even get married legally in our community anyway ?
He said he supports getting married legally, and to be honest, with the amount that is going on right now, it makes sense to put it on the back burner for now. When you try to do to many things at once, its not the best idea. Because it gets really overwhelming.
Everything else is good in your relationship, and I am glad you are recognizing that maybe it’s your abandonment issues playing up and for once I actually agree. I got married nearly 7 months ago and we are still finding the time to get legally married. We will probably do this on our first year anniversary. Most Islamic couples wait a while before getting legally married too. Especially after the stress of a wedding, it takes you a while to muster up the strength to go through it again. Getting married legally is not as easy as you think.
He is not going anywhere. You have to start learning to be okay with yourself and being by yourself because that will help you not be as afraid of someone leaving you – because you’ll be better equipped for that should it ever happen. I may not be explaining it very well, but when I started working on myself and my insecurities I became far less afraid if anyone left me, because I 1) became more okay with being by myself and 2) started to believe that I was actually worthy of someone staying.
If you are worried you may have children in this time, hold off on children until after you get legally married. Make sure you are stacked up on contraception. And in the meantime, communicate these abandonment issues with your spouse.
Hey lovelies! Hope your well I’ve been speaking to a guy for about a year now anyways his sister is recently getting married and the guy she’s marrying is speaking to my cousin and has been for a while on and off and I told my cousin she was shocked and decided to free herself from the mess and block him everywhere anyways I told him too he didn’t tell his sister should I see this as a red flag it’s very odd and is leaving me with a bad gut feeling.
There are 3 possible outcomes:
1) Have factual evidence that cannot be refuted and not hearsay. This you could present to the guy you are seeing.
2) Let’s say you do this, now you have to deal with the repercussions. He gets you involved and now his sister contacts you and decides she doesn’t believe you. Or wants to stay with him anyway. Now you look extra silly.
3) You mind your business and be none the wiser.
If you know what’s good for you, you will choose the latter.
Can you define what a love bomb is and why it’s a red flag pls
Love bombing is literally proclaiming their admiration for you in like the first few days or weeks even of knowing you. For example they might say you’re the most amazing woman they’ve ever met, when you’ve only been chatting for a couple hours (This actually happened to me). And that they will take you to anywhere in the world and do all these things for you, and you’re like do you even know me??? Oh and when they actually tell you they love you two weeks in (Also happened to me).
It means shallow emotions because real love takes a while to develop and the first few weeks of dating are still the infatuation period. Its a red flag because It’s actually considered a form of emotional abuse in extreme examples. That’s because its really apart of the grooming process when a controlling person tries to pick their victim and prep them. They want to lovebomb the person who they think really needs to hear it and will be blown away.The person doing the love bombing hopes that the constant stream of attention, compliments, interests, etc. makes the person so enamoured that they want this level of praise all the time. Then the love bomber stops or changes their tune once they get you, then the love bombing ceases to exist. Have you standing around thinking, where is the energy you gave me before?
Now they become very hypercritical, they remind you in all the ways that you’re not as great as they once said you were. The literally set out to humble you indirectly and knock you off of this high pedestal they put you on. “You think you’re so nice”.
So yeah, its a red flag.
Salaam Sis
I have a dilemma which I have been internally dealing with for sometime. From the onset, I am a bubbly and friendly person who has the ability to talk to anyone with ease and making friends is not hard for me. However, what tends to happen in these encounters with those that I really get along really well is that it does not lead to very meaningful and long-lasting connections/friendships i.e lack of communication from them and as a result me ALWAYS being the one to reach out.I have friends scattered all across the place but to be honest I feel mad lonely. Part of me understands that this may be due to me having this reputation as the ”strong” friend(which is partly true) but no-one seems to recognise that I actually have feelings.I don’t need to depend on others but it would be nice to have a couple of people to talk/vent regularly but there is also this element of being in London where everyone has to be hard-faced, non-transparent and any signs of vulnerability is seen as a burden. Ngl, this mentality definitely corrupted me for a long time but tbh I am tired and no longer want friendships to be like that.
My question how do I navigate these feelings and issues without pissing off friends and how to make meaningful long-lasting friendships because I KNOW how important they are . I appreciate if you can’t answer fully but tbh this has been a nice place to vent!
Blessings
Say what you mean, mean what you say but don’t say it mean.
You can’t control how people react to you expressing your hurt or discomfort. You can’t control how people react to you setting boundaries. All you can do is express how you feel about their actions and ask them to do better by you. Communication is so key. You need to explain what is bothering you and be intentional about it. Obviously some people might react badly to hearing they’ve hurt someone.
Perhaps you could say something like “I’m sure you didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but when you said XYZ the other day. What was going on for you to say that?” This gives them an out of automatically assuming they didn’t mean to, assuming you actually believe that, of course. It helps to lessen the defensiveness. It also gives them a chance to tell their side.
Hey lula, please do make that second page you are talking about! I desperately wanted to find a way to reach out to the same sister who spoke about her mental health and befriend her. So please do create the page so we can connect with people who need support. Love you and your page.
Inshallah we will do! Its going to take some time though
And thank you so much
I am insecure about my weight and my wedding is 2 weeks away. I’m 5’7 weighing about 90 kg. My weight doesn’t show too much but I have flab stomach, love handles and back rolls 😣🥴 My fiancé made a passing light hearted comments about my weight which ended up hurting me and after I reacted, he apologised and actually cried that he did that. He did another joke again after some months comparing our weight.
He also told me he dislikes fat people and that it’s his fear. Btw he is someone you can consider very fit. He gyms and eats clean. He also always told me so many times that I am his perfect women and that he is extremely attracted to me and wants me how I am.
Generally he really is sweet to me and is a genuinely good person but I just can’t get passed this issue deep in my heart.
Please advise me. Is my insecurity making me overthink or is this actually a red flag? Am I overreacting?
Well clearly he is not very sorry if he told you that he hates fat people? My goodness. I’d be too insecure to marry someone like this, especially because when you have kids you don’t know which way it’d go. He sounds like the type to look at you differently if you were to have any baby weight too. And that’s not really conditional love is it? That is absolutely a red flag and i think you know it too. You know you’ll never be truly comfortable with someone who says stuff like that to you. And being married is all about being comfortable, he is going to see you naked and these are the thoughts he is going to have of you. And I can already tell you will hide or avoid any opportunity for him to see you fully naked. You shouldn’t have to experience married life like that sis. Your Husband should make you feel the most comfortable and the most sexiest woman in the world. He should be obsessed with your body, every single bit of it. This guy is too hypercritical and as much as he apologises to you, he will never be truly happy until you are skin and bone. And the reality is he won’t be attracted to you either until then.
Rethink this relationship.
Does the grooms side of the family, help pay for the wedding cost or is it just the groom himself?
The groom pays most of it I believe, but in most cases the men’s side of the family all come up with a lot of money towards the wedding. Especially if he is the first born son. But if the groom has his own money and is not really struggling, then his family won’t have to chip in (Unless they want to). It’s all relative. Does that make sense?
Hey I really need some big sis advice 😭
I’ve been seeing this guy for about a year now, on and off. We’ve spoken about getting married and we get on really well overall. He’s a great guy and has a good personality.
My problem is that he’s consistently shown me that he’s kinda cheap! As in he won’t take me out to eat or take me for activities, most of our dates are chilling in my car (because he don’t have one). We’re long distance so almost every time I’ve traveled to go see him. When I suggest he can come see me, he makes it a massive deal and talks about how long it takes for him to get to me by train/bus etc. He’s always talking about how much money he has and how he works overtime, but I’m just left wondering why he doesn’t show that side to me. He also always mentions how I don’t treat him right and that I have never bought him anything to show him that I love him.
Is that even reason to cut a guy off? I don’t want to be petty, but I’m starting to feel like a sugar mamma at this point! Help!
You are starting to feel like a sugar Mamma, sis you are the sugar mama!! I am going to be brutally honest with you, this is your fault. You are too masculine in this relationship. Fix up.
1) Why on earth is he chilling in YOUR car as a date??? With men you have to be very careful. When they see you letting them do this, subconsciously they won’t rate you. You’re no longer a lady that deserves to be romanced. In fact, you have shown them that they don’t have to do the most if they want to see you. If he ever put you on a pedestal before, you knocked yourself off like the theme song to Eastenders.
2) It’s YOU travelling to see him? On top of that, he tells you to your face that you’re not worth taking buses/trains for when all he has to do is sit down and put his headphones in? And then there’s you, driving hours sitting in traffic to see him? Omg I can’t breathe.
3) So this guy has money, he is just choosing to not take you out ON PURPOSE!!! This is how much he values you. Can’t even take you to get a happy meal.
4) After all you do for this wasteman, he is asking you to buy him gifts? Omg this guy is actually mocking it.
He’s a mooch, there is an implicit lack of respect by him towards you and as far as I’m concerned you’re allowing it. Stop offering shit like this to men, it sets a bad precedent. Are you looking to be a sugar mama? This guy probably think he’s got himself a nice little arrangement here with you and you know what, I don’t blame him
You need to take some accountability here. How the hell do you want to marry someone who treats you like you’re his purse?? More and more men are going to treat you like this if this is how you even treat yourself. You make It very obvious that you will do anything and everything just so a man would want to be with you and that my friend is why he has taken advantage of you. Where are your friends?? Someone actually needs to talk sense into you desperately.
Also, you should be angry he would even move like this with you, because I guarantee he would never do this to a girl he actually idolizes and rates. Men will rob a bank trying to impress a girl that they really want. Not only is he NOT trying to impress you, he does not give a flying toss showing you how much of a bum he is. Mazzaleen. And this is who you want to marry? You will find better men in Somalia man get rid of this guy.