Hi girls,
So I’ve been with this man for 3 years, he treats me amazingly and he’s honestly the most loyal person I know. A couple months back he came to pick me up and I saw him delete a msg through the car window and when I asked him about it he told me he deletes texts that he doesn’t need. I left it because he never lies and is very reasonable. Fast forward to now and we’ve stopped meeting up to keep it halal. For some reason, something is telling me he’s speaking to another girl and it hasn’t left my mind for a couple of days even though there’s absolutely nothing to prove he is. I don’t know if it’s because when I was seeing him I was around so I knew it wasn’t possible for him to be around another girl or for her to be msging him but now I’m driving myself crazy. I even get mad when he takes random long naps during the day ( he currently has COVID and when he’s not working he rests a lot bc of his long hours) because I think he might’ve switched his phone off and gone out to link a girl. Please help me understand why I’m feeling this way, it’s so toxic to myself.
Okay you seriously need to address why it is you feel this way. From what you told me, this man has done nothing for him to warrant this kind of doubt from you. In fact, you’ve said he is the most loyal person you know. I feel like you have invested so much of yourself in this reality that you have left nothing for yourself. Now you have a constant fear of him leaving you. Let your relationship be happy and stop looking for things that are going to make you unhappy. You are doing yourself a disservice by neglecting other important parts of your life. Invest in other relationships like your friends. Get a hobby and a life. Honestly you are giving yourself too much anxiety and its unwarranted. Search up attachment styles, and find real solutions for what you think is your style. Address it soon otherwise you could push this man away.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey ladies! I’m really loving your insight on topics.
So my sister got married when she was 23 and now she’s turning 28 with two kids. She’s been suffering with post partum for years and she also thinks about what life would be like without marriage and kids constantly. Like I honestly feel sooo bad for her because obviously she can’t just run away from this. Masha’allah her husband is so lovely though and does try his best to help her but she’s detached from her friends because she can’t go to the same motives as them anymore because she’s super super attached to her kids. Whenever she goes out without her kids she feels so guilty. She goes above and beyond to be a mum. Also I know they do struggle financially too. My cousin has also struggled raising her child and her child is turning 7 btw. I’ve come to think that having kids is honestly not ideal like ever. Every time i babysit my nieces and nephews ( who I love to death) i feel sooooo tired and exhausted and overwhelmed. I’m terrified to have kids and don’t want to either. I’ve spoken to my mum about this because I look at my mum and honestly having kids has only bought her headache and set her back tremendously in life ( she even says it herself lol ). I sound proper negative and wallahi billahi I don’t want to put anyone else off having kids.
There’s this guy I’ve been talking to for almost 6 months and he’s soo lovely, should I let him know that I’m not feeling to ever have kids?
May Allah swt ease your sisters suffering. My heart really does go out to her. It must be extremely difficult what she is going, and I don’t blame you for feeling this way about kids. I was literally reading a reddit story on twitter not long ago about this and I feel like more and more people are starting to feel this way.
You need to decide from now if you do or don’t want to have kids. And then let people know accordingly. Whoever you date is well in their rights to cut you off based on this. Not having kids is a really big decision to make. Let him know straight away before this relationship continues.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey babe! I’m 20 yrs old and I basically flopped my 2nd year of uni so I have to retake my exams only which means I have a lot of time on my hands this year. I haven’t told any of my friends and family about it because I’m super embarrassed and I just don’t want to talk about it. I want to try to see the best in the situation so I’m trying to find like an internship or something I can do for a few weeks/months so I can put it down on my cv. Are there any companies or places you know that will help a 20 yr old? Also do you think I should tell anyone about my failure lol?
Best thing is to re-do whatever it is you need to do. But also you should think of the reasons WHY you failed this year. Is it something that would keep hindering you in the future as well? Gotta look inwards. Were you socialising too much, not staying on top of your work? You don’t have to tell them but I don’t see why not. You’re gonna have a hard time explaining why you’ve taken a year out.
Start planning how much you need to do and set a goal for yourself. Everyday I’m going to do 300 words and by the end of 5 days I would have done 1500 words. And then spend one day editing it.
Regarding internships, it depend’s what degree you’re doing. But 3rd year you should definitely look for experience. Because by the time you graduate, you want to be able to look for grad jobs.
Anon
3 years ago
Any advice on reinforcing boundaries and saying no to people with out being rude
Stop joking around with new people too much, know when to stop. No one takes a joker seriously.
Stop trying to be everyones friend. When you have no quality control people don’t value your friendship.
Learn to be confrontational. When something bothers you, let people know. But don’t be aggressive? Just be firm.
Get used to saying no. Practice it in the mirror if you have to. “No thanks.” “Nah I’m good actually.” “Yeah I’m not really feeling it, thank you though”
Anon
3 years ago
How do you get better at socializing and small talk especially with new people you meet or when a guy you don’t know moves to you in real life
A big part of communication is nonverbal: So your voice, posture and expressions etc.
– Make sure you’re smiling and that you look engaged.
Always try to continue the conversation
– “Oh really, why is that” “How comes you do this/that”
Make a connection to a similar experience
– “Oh my god i did that too, what do you think of it?”
Anon
3 years ago
It’s a bit explicit, but is it wrong for my husband to pressure me to have sex with him not long after the nikkah? I love him, but I didn’t want to upset him anymore after saying no. Maybe it was his way of affection but I eventually gave into it. I just felt annoyed after it as it just caused a lot of pain and I wasn’t eased into it.
If he is pressuring you this guy is a prick. It’s fine for him to have a high libido or be excited, but NOT to pressure you multiple times. That is not okay. I’m sorry you had to feel like you had to give in. But you honestly need to have a serious conversation with him and voice your concerns. Being in pain is very normal and is why you have to be eased into it. Tell that to him. The focus doesn’t need to be entirely on penetration straight away (Sorry if this is tmi). But do you know what I mean?
Also don’t give in to something you don’t want to do again okay?
Anon
3 years ago
Hi lulu,
I love it when you talk about your marriage and I pray that Allaah blesses it for you in the most beautiful way. I don’t know you but I know you deserve love like that and I’m so happy for you that you have it. May Allaah preserve your bond with your husband and make it grow and flourish every day and protect you from every evil and harm.
You are a big sister to many on this platform and you answer all these questions so sincerely and I thank you for that ❤
The greatest way to show your love to someone is to make dua for them and as my sister in Islam I love you ❤❤
Awwwwwwww no this is the most sweetest message ever. Honestly no words can convey my gratitude for the support and love some of you guys really give me. Omg my heart is just so full. Ameen ameen ! May Allah swt give you all the blessings in the world! It really is an honour to have you guys be here and think of me as someone worthy enough to come to. Wallahi it truly means alot.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girlies, I’m having a bit of a dilemma at the moment and would really appreciate the advice. I have been dating this guy for 9 months now and everything has been amazing he is kind and sweet and romantic but he has serious flaws, some might even call it red flags…He was a bit of a player before we got together and always told me he would stop if i date him. He has access to my phone but I don’t for him and that bothers me. I have asked before but he says there is nothing to worry about and refuses. Whenever we are together he is always texting on his phone and getting notifications. I dont look but i’m at a point where i want to know the truth. I’m a very introverted person so it’s difficult standing up for myself or speak up about things so I need to know what to do to get him listen!!!
Firstly, you are really bad with establishing boundaries to people.
You should have never given him access to your phone. Look at how he established boundaries with you.
You guys are dating or are you guys together exclusively? Thats the real question. If you guys are dating for 9 months, I am more inclined to think he has people on the side only because 1) He hasn’t made the relationship exclusive 2) His horrible table manners 3) His lack of reassurances.
Setting and pressing my hair the day before and then wrapping my hair at night. The next day my hair is straight as hell and will last like that for days. But I don’t really straighten my hair anymore.
Do hair before make up so it can set really well.
Skincare is what makes your Make Up look great so it straights with that. Face maintenance too, waxing that top lip and doing brushing your eyebrows or wax.
Use a good primer, I use the fenty one.
Start with your eye make up first and be very very gentle when blending eyeshadow, as if you are painting. Very delicate. Use a dark shadow as a replacement for liquid liner.
Anon
3 years ago
How do you start leveling up as a girl like I want to start changing my looks and level up , any tips xx
I feel like thats how it starts. When I lived in my mums house I decked out my whole room. And in each corner I had room for something. When I got a make up station, I was more inclined to take care of my appearance. I got shelves for skin care and that made me really excited to do skincare. Then I made a display for my bags, so then I got really into designer pieces. You see where I’m going?
Hi girls,
So I’ve been with this man for 3 years, he treats me amazingly and he’s honestly the most loyal person I know. A couple months back he came to pick me up and I saw him delete a msg through the car window and when I asked him about it he told me he deletes texts that he doesn’t need. I left it because he never lies and is very reasonable. Fast forward to now and we’ve stopped meeting up to keep it halal. For some reason, something is telling me he’s speaking to another girl and it hasn’t left my mind for a couple of days even though there’s absolutely nothing to prove he is. I don’t know if it’s because when I was seeing him I was around so I knew it wasn’t possible for him to be around another girl or for her to be msging him but now I’m driving myself crazy. I even get mad when he takes random long naps during the day ( he currently has COVID and when he’s not working he rests a lot bc of his long hours) because I think he might’ve switched his phone off and gone out to link a girl. Please help me understand why I’m feeling this way, it’s so toxic to myself.
Okay you seriously need to address why it is you feel this way. From what you told me, this man has done nothing for him to warrant this kind of doubt from you. In fact, you’ve said he is the most loyal person you know. I feel like you have invested so much of yourself in this reality that you have left nothing for yourself. Now you have a constant fear of him leaving you. Let your relationship be happy and stop looking for things that are going to make you unhappy. You are doing yourself a disservice by neglecting other important parts of your life. Invest in other relationships like your friends. Get a hobby and a life. Honestly you are giving yourself too much anxiety and its unwarranted. Search up attachment styles, and find real solutions for what you think is your style. Address it soon otherwise you could push this man away.
Hey ladies! I’m really loving your insight on topics.
So my sister got married when she was 23 and now she’s turning 28 with two kids. She’s been suffering with post partum for years and she also thinks about what life would be like without marriage and kids constantly. Like I honestly feel sooo bad for her because obviously she can’t just run away from this. Masha’allah her husband is so lovely though and does try his best to help her but she’s detached from her friends because she can’t go to the same motives as them anymore because she’s super super attached to her kids. Whenever she goes out without her kids she feels so guilty. She goes above and beyond to be a mum. Also I know they do struggle financially too. My cousin has also struggled raising her child and her child is turning 7 btw. I’ve come to think that having kids is honestly not ideal like ever. Every time i babysit my nieces and nephews ( who I love to death) i feel sooooo tired and exhausted and overwhelmed. I’m terrified to have kids and don’t want to either. I’ve spoken to my mum about this because I look at my mum and honestly having kids has only bought her headache and set her back tremendously in life ( she even says it herself lol ). I sound proper negative and wallahi billahi I don’t want to put anyone else off having kids.
There’s this guy I’ve been talking to for almost 6 months and he’s soo lovely, should I let him know that I’m not feeling to ever have kids?
May Allah swt ease your sisters suffering. My heart really does go out to her. It must be extremely difficult what she is going, and I don’t blame you for feeling this way about kids. I was literally reading a reddit story on twitter not long ago about this and I feel like more and more people are starting to feel this way.
You need to decide from now if you do or don’t want to have kids. And then let people know accordingly. Whoever you date is well in their rights to cut you off based on this. Not having kids is a really big decision to make. Let him know straight away before this relationship continues.
Hey babe! I’m 20 yrs old and I basically flopped my 2nd year of uni so I have to retake my exams only which means I have a lot of time on my hands this year. I haven’t told any of my friends and family about it because I’m super embarrassed and I just don’t want to talk about it. I want to try to see the best in the situation so I’m trying to find like an internship or something I can do for a few weeks/months so I can put it down on my cv. Are there any companies or places you know that will help a 20 yr old? Also do you think I should tell anyone about my failure lol?
Best thing is to re-do whatever it is you need to do. But also you should think of the reasons WHY you failed this year. Is it something that would keep hindering you in the future as well? Gotta look inwards. Were you socialising too much, not staying on top of your work? You don’t have to tell them but I don’t see why not. You’re gonna have a hard time explaining why you’ve taken a year out.
Start planning how much you need to do and set a goal for yourself. Everyday I’m going to do 300 words and by the end of 5 days I would have done 1500 words. And then spend one day editing it.
Regarding internships, it depend’s what degree you’re doing. But 3rd year you should definitely look for experience. Because by the time you graduate, you want to be able to look for grad jobs.
Any advice on reinforcing boundaries and saying no to people with out being rude
Stop joking around with new people too much, know when to stop. No one takes a joker seriously.
Stop trying to be everyones friend. When you have no quality control people don’t value your friendship.
Learn to be confrontational. When something bothers you, let people know. But don’t be aggressive? Just be firm.
Get used to saying no. Practice it in the mirror if you have to. “No thanks.” “Nah I’m good actually.” “Yeah I’m not really feeling it, thank you though”
How do you get better at socializing and small talk especially with new people you meet or when a guy you don’t know moves to you in real life
A big part of communication is nonverbal: So your voice, posture and expressions etc.
– Make sure you’re smiling and that you look engaged.
Always try to continue the conversation
– “Oh really, why is that” “How comes you do this/that”
Make a connection to a similar experience
– “Oh my god i did that too, what do you think of it?”
It’s a bit explicit, but is it wrong for my husband to pressure me to have sex with him not long after the nikkah? I love him, but I didn’t want to upset him anymore after saying no. Maybe it was his way of affection but I eventually gave into it. I just felt annoyed after it as it just caused a lot of pain and I wasn’t eased into it.
If he is pressuring you this guy is a prick. It’s fine for him to have a high libido or be excited, but NOT to pressure you multiple times. That is not okay. I’m sorry you had to feel like you had to give in. But you honestly need to have a serious conversation with him and voice your concerns. Being in pain is very normal and is why you have to be eased into it. Tell that to him. The focus doesn’t need to be entirely on penetration straight away (Sorry if this is tmi). But do you know what I mean?
Also don’t give in to something you don’t want to do again okay?
Hi lulu,
I love it when you talk about your marriage and I pray that Allaah blesses it for you in the most beautiful way. I don’t know you but I know you deserve love like that and I’m so happy for you that you have it. May Allaah preserve your bond with your husband and make it grow and flourish every day and protect you from every evil and harm.
You are a big sister to many on this platform and you answer all these questions so sincerely and I thank you for that ❤
The greatest way to show your love to someone is to make dua for them and as my sister in Islam I love you ❤❤
Awwwwwwww no this is the most sweetest message ever. Honestly no words can convey my gratitude for the support and love some of you guys really give me. Omg my heart is just so full. Ameen ameen ! May Allah swt give you all the blessings in the world! It really is an honour to have you guys be here and think of me as someone worthy enough to come to. Wallahi it truly means alot.
Hey girlies, I’m having a bit of a dilemma at the moment and would really appreciate the advice. I have been dating this guy for 9 months now and everything has been amazing he is kind and sweet and romantic but he has serious flaws, some might even call it red flags…He was a bit of a player before we got together and always told me he would stop if i date him. He has access to my phone but I don’t for him and that bothers me. I have asked before but he says there is nothing to worry about and refuses. Whenever we are together he is always texting on his phone and getting notifications. I dont look but i’m at a point where i want to know the truth. I’m a very introverted person so it’s difficult standing up for myself or speak up about things so I need to know what to do to get him listen!!!
Firstly, you are really bad with establishing boundaries to people.
You should have never given him access to your phone. Look at how he established boundaries with you.
You guys are dating or are you guys together exclusively? Thats the real question. If you guys are dating for 9 months, I am more inclined to think he has people on the side only because 1) He hasn’t made the relationship exclusive 2) His horrible table manners 3) His lack of reassurances.
Ask him where this relationship is going
What’s ur best / favorite makeup and hair tips
Setting and pressing my hair the day before and then wrapping my hair at night. The next day my hair is straight as hell and will last like that for days. But I don’t really straighten my hair anymore.
Do hair before make up so it can set really well.
Skincare is what makes your Make Up look great so it straights with that. Face maintenance too, waxing that top lip and doing brushing your eyebrows or wax.
Use a good primer, I use the fenty one.
Start with your eye make up first and be very very gentle when blending eyeshadow, as if you are painting. Very delicate. Use a dark shadow as a replacement for liquid liner.
How do you start leveling up as a girl like I want to start changing my looks and level up , any tips xx
Making your environment really nice.
I feel like thats how it starts. When I lived in my mums house I decked out my whole room. And in each corner I had room for something. When I got a make up station, I was more inclined to take care of my appearance. I got shelves for skin care and that made me really excited to do skincare. Then I made a display for my bags, so then I got really into designer pieces. You see where I’m going?