Heyya, love this page I think so many of us needed it. I wanted advice on how I can stop men from sexualising me it’s actually exhausting. They seem serious at the start but just they think you have the ‘ideal’ body type for them or the looks they like they immediately get comfortable trying to touch me or get sexually explicit on text. Even the ones that pretend to be religious. I didn’t realise how normalised it was to try and kiss and hug on dates but it’s just not something I could ever do. It’s so disgusting that they try to guilt trip you calling ‘extra’. I’ve even cut off so many ‘guy mates’ because of the way they act sometimes and things they say.
You can’t stop people from behaving inappropriately on the other hand you can distance yourself from people who do and state clearly when you think someone is overstepping boundaries. Never let it pass or try to be nice because those kind of people will take it as an encouragement to go further. Warn once, firmly and that’s it. Those who do not respect you, don’t have to be there.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi I wanted to know how and if I shoot my shot at this guy I’ve had my eye on for a while but the problem is I don’t know how because he doesn’t follow girls on socials at all
Follow him first, maybe interact with his tweets and wait to see if he interacts with you back. But you have to give him a sign at least, he can’t read your mind.
Anon
3 years ago
I’m the 23 year old that asked about financial stability issues….and I’m sorry I know I was very confused so understanding me might have been hard…but your advice really put my mind at ease and really helped…thank you so much
Salam sisters. I have a dilemma and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about. Well, I have an older sis whose 8 years older then me and I just noticed her odd behaviour just after she got married. I always looked up to her and showed her respect since we have such a huge age gap. When she’s at my mum’s house she would open the door from her husband without waiting for me to get my hijab. She did this multiple times and when I asked her she said “ why would he look at you”. I honestly was shocked and just walked away. Another day my parents were going on a trip and she moved in with her husband in my parents bedroom. It would be normal if my siblings were all young children but, the youngest is an 19 year old boy. Me and my sisters didn’t even know her husband was coming along and I mention it to my mother it made us uncomfortable because that meant we would wear a hijab around our own house. My mum believes I am over exaggerating and jealous. She did countless of other things but my mum doesn’t believe me. What shall I do ?
Clearly your sister is on her high horse and think she has this divine right now she has a Husband. Sis no one wants him. She is clearly up her own ass and I think she is beyond reasoning at this point. What you said was a fair and very very reasonable request. He’s not your Mahram. I would wait until your parents get home and speak to your Dad. If no one wants to listen, go visit a cousin or aunty everytime they come to visit. That is honestly such bizarre behaviour from your sister
Anon
3 years ago
I’ve (24F) been speaking to this guy (26M) for a year and everything is going well alhamdulilah. Things are getting serious as we have told our parents and plan to get married this year inshallah. He recently said he wanted to tell me before we got married that he has slept with several women but that he deeply regrets it and doesn’t want that life anymore. I cant help but judge as I’m a virgin myself…Am I lowering my standards if I stay with him? I know Islamically “the past is the past” but I cant help thinking if this is a reflection of his character or that I’m being naive. Everything about this guy is wonderful, hes kind supportive everything I’ve wanted so I’ve also wondered if this is me fearing the commitment of marriage? Is it normal to have doubts?
You are not lowering your standards, he is wonderful, kind, supportive and everything you’ve wanted, these are the words you have described him as. Honestly, him telling you shows you how much he trusts you with this information because he really didn’t have to tell you. He’s being vulnerable and he want’s to start off the marriage by being honest. Really and truly a lot of men would have kept this from you. And if I am being entirely honest, It is not that deep. It is not productive in anyway to share this with people. Because all it will do is cause insecurity and judgement when who knows, Allah swt may have forgiven him. All you can do now is base off on his character and who he has shown himself to be. And so far, its all been great things. You probably are having wedding blues right now and you just feel overwhelmed. Its normal.
Anon
3 years ago
I’m Somali and diagnosed with infertility. I’m seeking treatment however, it’s a long trial and error process. How can I deal with the Somali community who is constantly asking me why I haven’t had children despite my age?
If I were you, I wouldn’t tell them about this situation. It’s just going to draw more attention to you and unwarranted opinions. This is something about the Somali Community I really dislike. They are so nosey. Next time someone asks tell them to make Dua for you and that’s it. If they try to ask more questions say it is none of their concern. Be very firm
I am really sorry to hear this and I pray Allah swt grants you with righteous children one day.
Anon
3 years ago
Salaam sis hope you are well. I am in a polygamy relationship. Recently my husband wanted his 2nd wife to move next door to me which means she will be closer to me and makes it easier for him to manage 2 homes. I am very worried that we might clash and paranoid something might happen which could end up hurting him. He is a good man very pious and supporting to us both. I usually get along with his 2nd wife but keep our contact very limited. Having her move next door will change that and I am worried that we clash. Am I just being paranoid? I feel I should maybe speak with him about it but again this might upset him.
I don’t blame you for having concerns. Having the 2nd wife live near you creates too many opportunities for boundaries to be crossed. Would you be comfortable her coming over, because I would expect so if she was your neighbour. If anything were to happen, lets say her electricity wasn’t working or she wanted the kids to spend time together (If you have kids), expect to see her very often. That’s when imo It’ll get quite political because lets be real, I don’t think you want to see her very often. Even though Islamically this is permissible, you shouldn’t have to see her face every time you step out the house. It’d create too much rivalry between you both.
Voice your concerns to your Husband, and be very firm. Let this be known that this is the one thing you’re asking for.
Anon
3 years ago
I’m a guy, I just thought that it’s my duty as a muslim to have to state this info for this sister as it looks like she doesn’t know its haram and also because I’m simply angered with what I’m reading.
To the sister who said her husband has been expressing that he wants a second wife and is getting too familiar with her sister. *SIRENS*
It is is ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN in Islam for a man to marry two sisters at the same time, absolutely forbidden HARAAAAAAAAAAM. I don’t care about his finances, he is NOT allowed to marry your sister WHILST he is married to you, don’t entertain shit. Learn your religion my brothers and sisters, especially sisters so no man can use the book of Allah and hadiths against you and make you look or feel like a fool for demanding what’s right and Halal.
Polygamy is Halal, but what he’s going after (and your sister seems like she wants it too which is very very badmind my opinion) is NOT. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s marriage but please pray Istakharah and Salatul Layl and keep your eyes open. You HAVE to confront him with this information. Go and search it and read the numerous articles written on this subject. A man (and any blood related sister who goes through with this) are bottom barrel people who deserve Allah’s wrath and displeasure. And if he continues whilst knowing this info, and your sister continues testing your boundaries. Yhhhh you know what, I don’t know…
He is not her Mahram and she should not be entering your home without you there, I don’t care if their in-laws now. He’s a man and should be saying “sorry I can’t let you in as my wife isn’t home yet” or something along those lines. I’m more than certain he wouldn’t be happy if his own brother was always over his house talking (flirtatious or not) to his wife without his presence, this would be complete hypocrisy.
He’s flirty, my man is trying to Lotion her, Lula am I wrong? But to me it seems like she’s (OP’s sis) getting lined to get married, Uskag behaviour.
She is 100% not in the wrong for thinking something is going on, why the hell are the 2 of them alone in HER house whilst she’s at work? Her sister has no right getting defensive. Him getting along with ALL of his in-laws is great, but if you’ve noticed he’s getting flirty with her specifically (I don’t know the dynamics of this family, but touch between a man and a non mahram ,[hugging lol even handshake] should be a NO-NO). Nip that shit in the bud.
Unless they’re building a surprise birthday party for you – I’m trying to be a good muslim and think good of them here but wallahi It’s hard, I’d be over the moon if I’m proven wrong though. However, It’s still not a good reason 2 people who are forbidden from each other should be allowed to be ALONE in a household where shaytan is the third companion) suspect that foul play is going on. But people always forget that Allah is Ar Raqib – The Ever Watchful One, and that nothing escapes him. To my sister, I pray that Allah – The Most Wise sorts this matter out in a way that’s most benefitting for you. If you’re the non-confrontational type, your connection with Allah has to be even stronger and ask him incessantly to sort this dreaded feeling your experiencing put for you.
Im sorry but, her sister simply has to kick rocks and find her own man. Original Persons husband only has connections with OP’s family because of her and should never be allowed to have independent “friendships” with OP’S female family relatives and keep her (OP) out of the loop. It’s unforgivable, and the sister has no right to get defensive, she has to let you know she’s coming beforehand and that she (and any other female family relative of OP) is NEVER allowed to enter your home without you present. Heads up or no heads up. That shit can’t run. She can never make you feel some type of way, in your household – what you say goes. Don’t let anyone on this planet take you for a fool when you’re in the right.
Everyone and I mean everyone deserves respect and honesty in marriage.
I’ll make dua for her, May Allah surround her with great people and not people who take the mick. InshAllah she sees this.
Sorry for the rant, keep up the good work Lula and ladan. Khayr ayaan idinku rajeynayaa
We need to get this man a job at the Sister Guide LMAO !
Anon
3 years ago
I am not sister, but I hope you guys can give me some advice. I met girl about 9 months ago and she really seemed everything that I wanted in a wife. Down to earth, kind, funny and had a good personality. She was working at the time but seemed to have dreams to go to college, get her license, and soon on. I was very excited for her as well. We liked each other very much.So, I told her to introduce me to her family and she did. I met her brother and her mom invited me one day. The family told me like regular traditions to come back with my people to ask for her hand. I did that about a couple of weeks later and was accepted. But things went downhill from there. She left her job while we were house hunting, and didn’t have much to do during the day, and we went out a couple of times to look for furniture and could not find anything she was happy with. I didn’t care if she was happy with it. I asked if she was going to get her license and she was kind of defensive every time. We were talking at least 2 a day every day about plans. I recently started a new job and have been busy Monday -Friday and could see her only on weekends though she lived about 60 miles away. I didn’t mind driving. I was pressuring her to get license back but she was not having it and last week, her brother asked to set a date for Nikkah but a day later, she said she wants to back out. I tried to Ask her for explanation but she is not answering my calls but texts me back. I waited for couple of days and tried to contact her again, no response. I contacted her brother and told him about it, but he said that he is waiting for my response to the nikkah date and knows nothing else. I texted her and told her if she wants to back out to speak to her brother, so we can talk end this. I didn’t tell any of my family yet. I feel
Stuck because she is not communicating. Any advice would be appreciated.
She chickened out. When you asked her about her license, and the fact she had no job, no degree, maybe that made her realise how not ready she was to get married. Either way, she is a coward and has no communication skills at all. She can’t even talk to her own brother. He is there trying to communicate to you. You dodged a bullet.
Let’s say you do get married and work things out. This is how she is going to respond to every issue. Not communication just running away at every opportunity. Whatever you do, do not set a nikkah date.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls so im talking to this guy whose 9 years my senior (im 26 for context). But i dont know if the age gap is going to cause issues in future. We’re virtually a decade apart. I would say im mature and was drawn to talking to older guys cause of the immaturity of my gen. But Im worried there will be clashes in terms of lifestyle or morals in future and i might regret being with someone so much older. Im also skeptical as they havent settled down and its not typical of men that age. Im a bit stuck with whether to give it a proper go or not.
Big age gaps are honestly not what people make it out to be. A lot of the guys in their thirties are the ones you see on twitter. You have the same interests, humour and hobbies. I remember hearing that, the “there must be a reason as to why they haven’t settled down’ and you know what, there is. But again its not what people make it out to be. Sometimes the reasons are really good and sensible. For example, working throughout their 20’s and focusing on their career, focusing on stability like buying a house, being the crunch of the family so they are supporting them. All reasons that are really admirable and If I’m being honest, way more attractive to me than dating someone who doesn’t even know how to change their bedsheets or cook themselves food. Also remember you’re 26, you are not that young yourself.
Just go for it, as a proud member of marrying an Older Man FC, best decision of my life. I have a lot of friends who are on the same boat as me and they say the exact same thing. But i get you though, I had some reservations in the beginning but they quickly went away.
Heyya, love this page I think so many of us needed it. I wanted advice on how I can stop men from sexualising me it’s actually exhausting. They seem serious at the start but just they think you have the ‘ideal’ body type for them or the looks they like they immediately get comfortable trying to touch me or get sexually explicit on text. Even the ones that pretend to be religious. I didn’t realise how normalised it was to try and kiss and hug on dates but it’s just not something I could ever do. It’s so disgusting that they try to guilt trip you calling ‘extra’. I’ve even cut off so many ‘guy mates’ because of the way they act sometimes and things they say.
You can’t stop people from behaving inappropriately on the other hand you can distance yourself from people who do and state clearly when you think someone is overstepping boundaries. Never let it pass or try to be nice because those kind of people will take it as an encouragement to go further. Warn once, firmly and that’s it. Those who do not respect you, don’t have to be there.
Hi I wanted to know how and if I shoot my shot at this guy I’ve had my eye on for a while but the problem is I don’t know how because he doesn’t follow girls on socials at all
Follow him first, maybe interact with his tweets and wait to see if he interacts with you back. But you have to give him a sign at least, he can’t read your mind.
I’m the 23 year old that asked about financial stability issues….and I’m sorry I know I was very confused so understanding me might have been hard…but your advice really put my mind at ease and really helped…thank you so much
Awww, you are so very welcome
Salam sisters. I have a dilemma and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about. Well, I have an older sis whose 8 years older then me and I just noticed her odd behaviour just after she got married. I always looked up to her and showed her respect since we have such a huge age gap. When she’s at my mum’s house she would open the door from her husband without waiting for me to get my hijab. She did this multiple times and when I asked her she said “ why would he look at you”. I honestly was shocked and just walked away. Another day my parents were going on a trip and she moved in with her husband in my parents bedroom. It would be normal if my siblings were all young children but, the youngest is an 19 year old boy. Me and my sisters didn’t even know her husband was coming along and I mention it to my mother it made us uncomfortable because that meant we would wear a hijab around our own house. My mum believes I am over exaggerating and jealous. She did countless of other things but my mum doesn’t believe me. What shall I do ?
Wow um I actually don’t know what to say.
Clearly your sister is on her high horse and think she has this divine right now she has a Husband. Sis no one wants him. She is clearly up her own ass and I think she is beyond reasoning at this point. What you said was a fair and very very reasonable request. He’s not your Mahram. I would wait until your parents get home and speak to your Dad. If no one wants to listen, go visit a cousin or aunty everytime they come to visit. That is honestly such bizarre behaviour from your sister
I’ve (24F) been speaking to this guy (26M) for a year and everything is going well alhamdulilah. Things are getting serious as we have told our parents and plan to get married this year inshallah. He recently said he wanted to tell me before we got married that he has slept with several women but that he deeply regrets it and doesn’t want that life anymore. I cant help but judge as I’m a virgin myself…Am I lowering my standards if I stay with him? I know Islamically “the past is the past” but I cant help thinking if this is a reflection of his character or that I’m being naive. Everything about this guy is wonderful, hes kind supportive everything I’ve wanted so I’ve also wondered if this is me fearing the commitment of marriage? Is it normal to have doubts?
You are not lowering your standards, he is wonderful, kind, supportive and everything you’ve wanted, these are the words you have described him as. Honestly, him telling you shows you how much he trusts you with this information because he really didn’t have to tell you. He’s being vulnerable and he want’s to start off the marriage by being honest. Really and truly a lot of men would have kept this from you. And if I am being entirely honest, It is not that deep. It is not productive in anyway to share this with people. Because all it will do is cause insecurity and judgement when who knows, Allah swt may have forgiven him. All you can do now is base off on his character and who he has shown himself to be. And so far, its all been great things. You probably are having wedding blues right now and you just feel overwhelmed. Its normal.
I’m Somali and diagnosed with infertility. I’m seeking treatment however, it’s a long trial and error process. How can I deal with the Somali community who is constantly asking me why I haven’t had children despite my age?
If I were you, I wouldn’t tell them about this situation. It’s just going to draw more attention to you and unwarranted opinions. This is something about the Somali Community I really dislike. They are so nosey. Next time someone asks tell them to make Dua for you and that’s it. If they try to ask more questions say it is none of their concern. Be very firm
I am really sorry to hear this and I pray Allah swt grants you with righteous children one day.
Salaam sis hope you are well. I am in a polygamy relationship. Recently my husband wanted his 2nd wife to move next door to me which means she will be closer to me and makes it easier for him to manage 2 homes. I am very worried that we might clash and paranoid something might happen which could end up hurting him. He is a good man very pious and supporting to us both. I usually get along with his 2nd wife but keep our contact very limited. Having her move next door will change that and I am worried that we clash. Am I just being paranoid? I feel I should maybe speak with him about it but again this might upset him.
I don’t blame you for having concerns. Having the 2nd wife live near you creates too many opportunities for boundaries to be crossed. Would you be comfortable her coming over, because I would expect so if she was your neighbour. If anything were to happen, lets say her electricity wasn’t working or she wanted the kids to spend time together (If you have kids), expect to see her very often. That’s when imo It’ll get quite political because lets be real, I don’t think you want to see her very often. Even though Islamically this is permissible, you shouldn’t have to see her face every time you step out the house. It’d create too much rivalry between you both.
Voice your concerns to your Husband, and be very firm. Let this be known that this is the one thing you’re asking for.
I’m a guy, I just thought that it’s my duty as a muslim to have to state this info for this sister as it looks like she doesn’t know its haram and also because I’m simply angered with what I’m reading.
To the sister who said her husband has been expressing that he wants a second wife and is getting too familiar with her sister. *SIRENS*
It is is ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN in Islam for a man to marry two sisters at the same time, absolutely forbidden HARAAAAAAAAAAM. I don’t care about his finances, he is NOT allowed to marry your sister WHILST he is married to you, don’t entertain shit. Learn your religion my brothers and sisters, especially sisters so no man can use the book of Allah and hadiths against you and make you look or feel like a fool for demanding what’s right and Halal.
Polygamy is Halal, but what he’s going after (and your sister seems like she wants it too which is very very badmind my opinion) is NOT. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s marriage but please pray Istakharah and Salatul Layl and keep your eyes open. You HAVE to confront him with this information. Go and search it and read the numerous articles written on this subject. A man (and any blood related sister who goes through with this) are bottom barrel people who deserve Allah’s wrath and displeasure. And if he continues whilst knowing this info, and your sister continues testing your boundaries. Yhhhh you know what, I don’t know…
He is not her Mahram and she should not be entering your home without you there, I don’t care if their in-laws now. He’s a man and should be saying “sorry I can’t let you in as my wife isn’t home yet” or something along those lines. I’m more than certain he wouldn’t be happy if his own brother was always over his house talking (flirtatious or not) to his wife without his presence, this would be complete hypocrisy.
He’s flirty, my man is trying to Lotion her, Lula am I wrong? But to me it seems like she’s (OP’s sis) getting lined to get married, Uskag behaviour.
She is 100% not in the wrong for thinking something is going on, why the hell are the 2 of them alone in HER house whilst she’s at work? Her sister has no right getting defensive. Him getting along with ALL of his in-laws is great, but if you’ve noticed he’s getting flirty with her specifically (I don’t know the dynamics of this family, but touch between a man and a non mahram ,[hugging lol even handshake] should be a NO-NO). Nip that shit in the bud.
Unless they’re building a surprise birthday party for you – I’m trying to be a good muslim and think good of them here but wallahi It’s hard, I’d be over the moon if I’m proven wrong though. However, It’s still not a good reason 2 people who are forbidden from each other should be allowed to be ALONE in a household where shaytan is the third companion) suspect that foul play is going on. But people always forget that Allah is Ar Raqib – The Ever Watchful One, and that nothing escapes him. To my sister, I pray that Allah – The Most Wise sorts this matter out in a way that’s most benefitting for you. If you’re the non-confrontational type, your connection with Allah has to be even stronger and ask him incessantly to sort this dreaded feeling your experiencing put for you.
Im sorry but, her sister simply has to kick rocks and find her own man. Original Persons husband only has connections with OP’s family because of her and should never be allowed to have independent “friendships” with OP’S female family relatives and keep her (OP) out of the loop. It’s unforgivable, and the sister has no right to get defensive, she has to let you know she’s coming beforehand and that she (and any other female family relative of OP) is NEVER allowed to enter your home without you present. Heads up or no heads up. That shit can’t run. She can never make you feel some type of way, in your household – what you say goes. Don’t let anyone on this planet take you for a fool when you’re in the right.
Everyone and I mean everyone deserves respect and honesty in marriage.
I’ll make dua for her, May Allah surround her with great people and not people who take the mick. InshAllah she sees this.
Sorry for the rant, keep up the good work Lula and ladan. Khayr ayaan idinku rajeynayaa
You are spitting !!! Nah every line was fire
We need to get this man a job at the Sister Guide LMAO !
I am not sister, but I hope you guys can give me some advice. I met girl about 9 months ago and she really seemed everything that I wanted in a wife. Down to earth, kind, funny and had a good personality. She was working at the time but seemed to have dreams to go to college, get her license, and soon on. I was very excited for her as well. We liked each other very much.So, I told her to introduce me to her family and she did. I met her brother and her mom invited me one day. The family told me like regular traditions to come back with my people to ask for her hand. I did that about a couple of weeks later and was accepted. But things went downhill from there. She left her job while we were house hunting, and didn’t have much to do during the day, and we went out a couple of times to look for furniture and could not find anything she was happy with. I didn’t care if she was happy with it. I asked if she was going to get her license and she was kind of defensive every time. We were talking at least 2 a day every day about plans. I recently started a new job and have been busy Monday -Friday and could see her only on weekends though she lived about 60 miles away. I didn’t mind driving. I was pressuring her to get license back but she was not having it and last week, her brother asked to set a date for Nikkah but a day later, she said she wants to back out. I tried to Ask her for explanation but she is not answering my calls but texts me back. I waited for couple of days and tried to contact her again, no response. I contacted her brother and told him about it, but he said that he is waiting for my response to the nikkah date and knows nothing else. I texted her and told her if she wants to back out to speak to her brother, so we can talk end this. I didn’t tell any of my family yet. I feel
Stuck because she is not communicating. Any advice would be appreciated.
She chickened out. When you asked her about her license, and the fact she had no job, no degree, maybe that made her realise how not ready she was to get married. Either way, she is a coward and has no communication skills at all. She can’t even talk to her own brother. He is there trying to communicate to you. You dodged a bullet.
Let’s say you do get married and work things out. This is how she is going to respond to every issue. Not communication just running away at every opportunity. Whatever you do, do not set a nikkah date.
Hey girls so im talking to this guy whose 9 years my senior (im 26 for context). But i dont know if the age gap is going to cause issues in future. We’re virtually a decade apart. I would say im mature and was drawn to talking to older guys cause of the immaturity of my gen. But Im worried there will be clashes in terms of lifestyle or morals in future and i might regret being with someone so much older. Im also skeptical as they havent settled down and its not typical of men that age. Im a bit stuck with whether to give it a proper go or not.
Big age gaps are honestly not what people make it out to be. A lot of the guys in their thirties are the ones you see on twitter. You have the same interests, humour and hobbies. I remember hearing that, the “there must be a reason as to why they haven’t settled down’ and you know what, there is. But again its not what people make it out to be. Sometimes the reasons are really good and sensible. For example, working throughout their 20’s and focusing on their career, focusing on stability like buying a house, being the crunch of the family so they are supporting them. All reasons that are really admirable and If I’m being honest, way more attractive to me than dating someone who doesn’t even know how to change their bedsheets or cook themselves food. Also remember you’re 26, you are not that young yourself.
Just go for it, as a proud member of marrying an Older Man FC, best decision of my life. I have a lot of friends who are on the same boat as me and they say the exact same thing. But i get you though, I had some reservations in the beginning but they quickly went away.