Someone to encourage them and make them feel important. Decent men can be really easy going, and preferably want someone that is not a headache and is level-headed. Being really playful is a big thing, no one wants to be around someone who is miserable and just complains all day. Unless their is something worth being bothered about, pick and choose what hill you want to die on. Being constantly confrontational is annoying.
Good things to ask:
Ask them what they like doing in their spare time and actually show genuine interest. When someone doesn’t show genuine interest it makes it really hard to have a conversation.
Talk more about yourself too, make it feel like they’re proper getting to know you.
Ask what other places he is keen to go to? Maybe there is a really nice spot he wants to take you in the future. Also gives you guys something to look forward to
Anon
3 years ago
Hi girls,
I have this bombshell that I cannot hold in any longer. The truth will destroy a marriage that took place in the summer that just went but it’s the truth.
What should I do? Is it sadistic or is it just a selfish thing to do?
Hi ladies, this is my dilemma. I was married previously but divorced as ex was emotionally abusive, in touch with other women and his family supported his deciet, fast forward 6 years I’m still single and aging. I’ve become so comfortable that although I feel alone at times I cannot entertain sharing my space with another. I work full-time and don’t feel I have anything to gain or offer to a man. I’m financially capable and don’t want children. Will I die alone? Maybe? Should I get married for the sake of fulfilling my loneliness, maybe to someone who lives separately or in another country? I don’t want a haram relationship, I don’t date or have male friends.
I really don’t want to budge, my feelings are so strong. I know what I want. I know this will continue to be a stumbling block for me. The few times I’ve spoken about this I’ve been shut down like there is something wrong with me. I feel like most people are living a lie.
Most of my friends are married and miserable Those who had more children are miserable, those who remarried after divorce some to their ex’s are miserable, some even divorced after rushing to marry because they wanted children all miserable. I feel the older you get the more determined you have to be to follow your heart.
What can I do? Do part-time husbands exist or am I being delusional. I’m not miserable but maybe I too will be soon.
You need to figure out what it is exactly that you want. I know you have seen a lot but you need to be careful that you are not taking in other people’s past experiences as your own. Obviously for you, these feelings started because of your own divorce story, but its honesty manifesting into a life of its own. You need to stop whatever this is before it hinders you for good.
I get it. You love being alone but you hate feeling lonely.
The problem is being alone is a comfort for you and you don’t wanna be bothered by anyone. You’ve become used to living this lifestyle but eventually, it gets lonely. For some people, they’d actually prefer this way of living and thats because they keep themselves busy. They’ll focus on a hobby, a career or life goal. Their life is so fulfilling they don’t really harp on the things they don’t have yet. That’s when I say loneliness can be a good thing. But if you do nothing and are fixated on the fact you are alone, that’s when it can get really depressing and a bit dangerous.
Look within. Find out what it is you truly want. Maybe you don’t want marriage, thats perfectly fine. But don’t look at other people and take on their experiences because it can really blind you into thinking happiness doesn’t exist when it does. Maybe consider therapy, that might actually help you find out what it is thats holding you back.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls
I was wondering if you guys have heard of the dyson airwrap blow dryer set? I wanna try it but idk if It’s worth it as I haven’t heard of many East Africans using it.
I have heard of it! I really wanted to get it but I don’t even use heat on my hair. I definitely want to get it in the future tho
Anon
3 years ago
Hi!
Do you guys think an unfulfilled sexual life on both sides is grounds for divorce?
We’ve done things to try and kindle the situation in the bedroom. Tried to schedule in times for intimacy etc but we just never find ourselves sticking to it. I’m not really attracted to him and can never get into the act with him. We’ve been married less than a year and I feel like it shouldn’t take this much effort just to be intimate. The longer we go without being intimate the more I struggle to do it again. We’re at a point now where I just give in for his sake and he is annoyed that initiation never comes from me. But to be completely honest, I’m not into him.
While lack of intimacy is a legitimate ground for divorce it (Islamically anyway) it is still a difficult call to make. Especially seeing as you have been married less than a year. But regardless, your husband has an islamic right to be satisfied and you deliberately refusing him instead of just divorcing him is disliked. There is islamic teachings on this.
Either way you shouldn’t have to subject yourself to something you don’t want. If you do pursue a divorce, I’m not sure what other reason you can say because saying you want to get divorced because of a sexless marriage will be a shock (even though its the truth). It’s going to be very difficult. But yes you are better of parting ways.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi. I hope you guys are doing great.
I’m in a position where I feel like I need to pick between two guys and would like to know off the bat where you think I should lean towards.
I met them both around the same time. One I met in uni and another online then proceeded to get to know each other better etc. Ive dated both but in different times and now I’m kind of in a position where the other person has also reached out and is serious about marriage etc. The only issue is they’re completely different men which makes it difficult to decide.
The first guy is more calm, down to earth and we have a friendship foundation (met in uni). However sometimes I feel like I’m not attracted to him, some of the things he does gives me the ick and he doesn’t really intellectually challenge me. But he is kind, and caring so I feel like life with him would atleast be peaceful. He’s not really that romantic either tbh. But he has values that I respect. The other guy, is also someone who is connected to their deen, more ambitious, I’m genuinely attracted to him and I see him as a husband material. But we’ve had a few arguments here and there, and he seems a bit more masculine which for some reason scares me. I feel like those type of men are more dominant etc.
Out of those two, I am more inclined to lean towards the guy you meant online.
Why because you are attracted to him. That is the most important thing. With no real attraction there is nothing.
But I’m interested in what you mean when you say he ‘scares you’? Like was he shouting or yelling????? In that case, scrap them both and try again.
Anon
3 years ago
Hyyy sisters
Just got to know about this site and its super amazingggg.
So I had a crush on my classmate since first year and happen to confess it around 2nd year. Which he confessed too about him liking me. So we started off slow, snapping and flirting then started going out once in a while and got abit into 3rd base. I like him so much but I feel maybe he only wants me sexually. When I ask him why doesn’t he like do stuff like text something sweet and all, but he said that this is his first and he doesn’t know how things go so I have to keep on telling him what to do.( is that actual real? Like can they have no idea on how to keep a girl happy?) So I just let it be.i am a type of person that doesn’t ask stuff from a guy but I would like to gifted and all( i feel like he knows so he doesn’t do it cause I don’t ask.. )At the same time, Due to the pressure around me, my friends saying that he is not of my standards and tribe and all, I get embarrassed about us so I rarely show it out tht we date. We just talk casually when we are around people. So due to tht pressure I faked an excuse and we took a break. But I was feeling so guilty and regretful so aftr a while I started getting back to him and we patched up stuff. Then by chance I got to see that he texted some other girl( who i used to be so doubtful of their friendship) that he likes her. He told me that he was trying to get off that fact that I hurt him by trying to hook up wth another girl. But that hurt me so much. I know I am the one that broke it off but, just in like a few weeks and he is telling someone else that he likes her..this hurt me so much I ended things again. But he has been begging for forgiveness but I don’t know, I want him back but I dont know if he’s worth it. I feel like I am so attracted to his toxic nature tht I was willing to go back to him aftr this. At the same time I want to protect my ego. I don’t know…help😅
(Sorry for the long story😅)
1) You feel like he only wants you ‘sexually’. He’s not really sweet to you outside of the inappropriate talk. Him saying this is his first time and thats the reason why he doesn’t know how to be gentlemanly towards you is BS. He is simply not here for the small talk. Him taking you to 3rd base and nothing else proves that.
All of this is completely inappropriate and needs to end immediately. You guys are not even in a relationship (not that thats okay either) you guys are literally talking and doing bits. He clearly does not respect you or your honour as a lady.
2) You cut him off and within a few weeks later, he’s telling another girl he likes her.
You know what that is? The Switcher-Roo. He is replacing you because it didn’t matter who he had, he just wanted someone to do bits with. He probably isn’t interested in a real relationship with either of you two. He just wants someone to commit zina with. He’s a dog. Wallahi get away from this brother. Look at how quickly it took for him to move on with someone else. Break up with him now and he will probably do the same. Words from men like him mean absolutely nothing. You are nothing special to him, and his behaviour towards you shows that.
You’re young. Learn from this and move on.
Anon
3 years ago
im based in London, Im somali and im hitting 28 soon, that age where you should start thinking about marriage, but where are the ladies at? throughout my 20s, whilst some of my boys would be linking girls here and there, i would always prefer to kick ball or do sutting. im the eldest of a few sisters and tbh girls can sometimes be mad jarring, so combining that with knowing if i do link someone its inevitable we get physical/marriage talk, i just thought theres no point. so ive never really put time into talking to girls.
but now im at that point where im getting hints from hooyo that i should start thinking about marriage and surprisingly even my friends are saying i should start scouting, so how do i do it? honestly, i dont think im that good looking, average at best, but im alhamdulillah im blessed – ive got 2 arms 2 legs, i think i meet the man/husband job description and im a chill guy with decent emotional intelligence (i think thats whats it called?). having loads of sisters really makes you think before you speak. anyways, the firms ive worked at, ive never seen a somali girl. Apart from WhatsApp, ive never been on any socials at all. so what do i do? i feel like i know what kind of girl it would take for us to make a good team, but i think most of them are mostly at home loooool. and pls dont say arrange marriage with someone from back home or one of them dating apps
I mean to start, you need to be more committed. For some reason I get the impression that you just want a Wife handed to you on a plate and you don’t want put in loads of work for one. Unfortunately, if you are not overly attractive, this probably won’t happen for you. You need to put yourself out there.
Like you said, the girls you want are stuck at home. So unless you plan to wait outside their doorstep all day, you probably won’t get a chance to get to know them. So go through other people. Ask your boys to ask their wives if anyone is interested in dating. That is very common now. A lot of my married friends will get their husbands to find a suitor for one of our friends and it actually works. It’s not as bad as you think, right now everyone is looking to settle down. So it really is prime time.
You also need to work on your personality a bit more I will be honest. Saying all you have is ‘2 arms and 2 legs’ is a bit worrisome. Be a bit more interesting. Gas yourself up! Have more confidence because that is ultimately what will make you more attractive.
Also If meeting through other people don’t work, maybe try get back on social media. Theres a lot of avenues tbh, you just need to want to do it (and I don’t think you do)
Anon
3 years ago
Where can I (F) meet other Somali girls? I’m struggling to find meaningful friendships with girls like myself especially now i’m older (mid 20’s)
Personally for me I find it easier to meet new friends through mutuals. You need at least one common denominator when you want to be introduced to new circles. Its like giving you the all clear. If one person is cool with one, everyone else can get to know you.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis need your help agian lol so I was speaking to a guy and basically it’s very weird he speaks highly of his sisters and himself which I love the confidence but there was a situation where he would get offended and hurt if I responded to a tweet a guy made on any of my tweets and even if I tweet basic stuff he always wants to make judgments like there is no reason you should post that anyways basically stuff like that when in reality his sister would reply to tweets of guys also and it’s weird how she ended up telling him you don’t want a wife who is like that and basically it’s such a blur to me and my heart and mind does not understand this thanks for the advice in advance lovelies ><
Did you have a twitter account when he first met you?
It is absolutely fine if he wants someone who is not on social media. The problem is, instead of using manipulation tactics to get you to come off it, why can’t he just find someone who is not on social media in the first place?
If you want to do what you want, make that very clear that you don’t appreciate him using his manipulation tactics to get you to not post. Using judgements to make you feel guilty is really weird
How do you figure out what a man is looking for? What kinds of questions should you ask and how to still keep it light and playful?
Someone to encourage them and make them feel important. Decent men can be really easy going, and preferably want someone that is not a headache and is level-headed. Being really playful is a big thing, no one wants to be around someone who is miserable and just complains all day. Unless their is something worth being bothered about, pick and choose what hill you want to die on. Being constantly confrontational is annoying.
Good things to ask:
Ask them what they like doing in their spare time and actually show genuine interest. When someone doesn’t show genuine interest it makes it really hard to have a conversation.
Talk more about yourself too, make it feel like they’re proper getting to know you.
Ask what other places he is keen to go to? Maybe there is a really nice spot he wants to take you in the future. Also gives you guys something to look forward to
Hi girls,
I have this bombshell that I cannot hold in any longer. The truth will destroy a marriage that took place in the summer that just went but it’s the truth.
What should I do? Is it sadistic or is it just a selfish thing to do?
My goodness. What did you do??????
Hi ladies, this is my dilemma. I was married previously but divorced as ex was emotionally abusive, in touch with other women and his family supported his deciet, fast forward 6 years I’m still single and aging. I’ve become so comfortable that although I feel alone at times I cannot entertain sharing my space with another. I work full-time and don’t feel I have anything to gain or offer to a man. I’m financially capable and don’t want children. Will I die alone? Maybe? Should I get married for the sake of fulfilling my loneliness, maybe to someone who lives separately or in another country? I don’t want a haram relationship, I don’t date or have male friends.
I really don’t want to budge, my feelings are so strong. I know what I want. I know this will continue to be a stumbling block for me. The few times I’ve spoken about this I’ve been shut down like there is something wrong with me. I feel like most people are living a lie.
Most of my friends are married and miserable Those who had more children are miserable, those who remarried after divorce some to their ex’s are miserable, some even divorced after rushing to marry because they wanted children all miserable. I feel the older you get the more determined you have to be to follow your heart.
What can I do? Do part-time husbands exist or am I being delusional. I’m not miserable but maybe I too will be soon.
You need to figure out what it is exactly that you want. I know you have seen a lot but you need to be careful that you are not taking in other people’s past experiences as your own. Obviously for you, these feelings started because of your own divorce story, but its honesty manifesting into a life of its own. You need to stop whatever this is before it hinders you for good.
I get it. You love being alone but you hate feeling lonely.
The problem is being alone is a comfort for you and you don’t wanna be bothered by anyone. You’ve become used to living this lifestyle but eventually, it gets lonely. For some people, they’d actually prefer this way of living and thats because they keep themselves busy. They’ll focus on a hobby, a career or life goal. Their life is so fulfilling they don’t really harp on the things they don’t have yet. That’s when I say loneliness can be a good thing. But if you do nothing and are fixated on the fact you are alone, that’s when it can get really depressing and a bit dangerous.
Look within. Find out what it is you truly want. Maybe you don’t want marriage, thats perfectly fine. But don’t look at other people and take on their experiences because it can really blind you into thinking happiness doesn’t exist when it does. Maybe consider therapy, that might actually help you find out what it is thats holding you back.
Hey girls
I was wondering if you guys have heard of the dyson airwrap blow dryer set? I wanna try it but idk if It’s worth it as I haven’t heard of many East Africans using it.
I have heard of it! I really wanted to get it but I don’t even use heat on my hair. I definitely want to get it in the future tho
Hi!
Do you guys think an unfulfilled sexual life on both sides is grounds for divorce?
We’ve done things to try and kindle the situation in the bedroom. Tried to schedule in times for intimacy etc but we just never find ourselves sticking to it. I’m not really attracted to him and can never get into the act with him. We’ve been married less than a year and I feel like it shouldn’t take this much effort just to be intimate. The longer we go without being intimate the more I struggle to do it again. We’re at a point now where I just give in for his sake and he is annoyed that initiation never comes from me. But to be completely honest, I’m not into him.
While lack of intimacy is a legitimate ground for divorce it (Islamically anyway) it is still a difficult call to make. Especially seeing as you have been married less than a year. But regardless, your husband has an islamic right to be satisfied and you deliberately refusing him instead of just divorcing him is disliked. There is islamic teachings on this.
Either way you shouldn’t have to subject yourself to something you don’t want. If you do pursue a divorce, I’m not sure what other reason you can say because saying you want to get divorced because of a sexless marriage will be a shock (even though its the truth). It’s going to be very difficult. But yes you are better of parting ways.
Hi. I hope you guys are doing great.
I’m in a position where I feel like I need to pick between two guys and would like to know off the bat where you think I should lean towards.
I met them both around the same time. One I met in uni and another online then proceeded to get to know each other better etc. Ive dated both but in different times and now I’m kind of in a position where the other person has also reached out and is serious about marriage etc. The only issue is they’re completely different men which makes it difficult to decide.
The first guy is more calm, down to earth and we have a friendship foundation (met in uni). However sometimes I feel like I’m not attracted to him, some of the things he does gives me the ick and he doesn’t really intellectually challenge me. But he is kind, and caring so I feel like life with him would atleast be peaceful. He’s not really that romantic either tbh. But he has values that I respect. The other guy, is also someone who is connected to their deen, more ambitious, I’m genuinely attracted to him and I see him as a husband material. But we’ve had a few arguments here and there, and he seems a bit more masculine which for some reason scares me. I feel like those type of men are more dominant etc.
I’m confused. Which should I pursue?
Out of those two, I am more inclined to lean towards the guy you meant online.
Why because you are attracted to him. That is the most important thing. With no real attraction there is nothing.
But I’m interested in what you mean when you say he ‘scares you’? Like was he shouting or yelling????? In that case, scrap them both and try again.
Hyyy sisters
Just got to know about this site and its super amazingggg.
So I had a crush on my classmate since first year and happen to confess it around 2nd year. Which he confessed too about him liking me. So we started off slow, snapping and flirting then started going out once in a while and got abit into 3rd base. I like him so much but I feel maybe he only wants me sexually. When I ask him why doesn’t he like do stuff like text something sweet and all, but he said that this is his first and he doesn’t know how things go so I have to keep on telling him what to do.( is that actual real? Like can they have no idea on how to keep a girl happy?) So I just let it be.i am a type of person that doesn’t ask stuff from a guy but I would like to gifted and all( i feel like he knows so he doesn’t do it cause I don’t ask.. )At the same time, Due to the pressure around me, my friends saying that he is not of my standards and tribe and all, I get embarrassed about us so I rarely show it out tht we date. We just talk casually when we are around people. So due to tht pressure I faked an excuse and we took a break. But I was feeling so guilty and regretful so aftr a while I started getting back to him and we patched up stuff. Then by chance I got to see that he texted some other girl( who i used to be so doubtful of their friendship) that he likes her. He told me that he was trying to get off that fact that I hurt him by trying to hook up wth another girl. But that hurt me so much. I know I am the one that broke it off but, just in like a few weeks and he is telling someone else that he likes her..this hurt me so much I ended things again. But he has been begging for forgiveness but I don’t know, I want him back but I dont know if he’s worth it. I feel like I am so attracted to his toxic nature tht I was willing to go back to him aftr this. At the same time I want to protect my ego. I don’t know…help😅
(Sorry for the long story😅)
There are just too many things wrong with this.
1) You feel like he only wants you ‘sexually’. He’s not really sweet to you outside of the inappropriate talk. Him saying this is his first time and thats the reason why he doesn’t know how to be gentlemanly towards you is BS. He is simply not here for the small talk. Him taking you to 3rd base and nothing else proves that.
All of this is completely inappropriate and needs to end immediately. You guys are not even in a relationship (not that thats okay either) you guys are literally talking and doing bits. He clearly does not respect you or your honour as a lady.
2) You cut him off and within a few weeks later, he’s telling another girl he likes her.
You know what that is? The Switcher-Roo. He is replacing you because it didn’t matter who he had, he just wanted someone to do bits with. He probably isn’t interested in a real relationship with either of you two. He just wants someone to commit zina with. He’s a dog. Wallahi get away from this brother. Look at how quickly it took for him to move on with someone else. Break up with him now and he will probably do the same. Words from men like him mean absolutely nothing. You are nothing special to him, and his behaviour towards you shows that.
You’re young. Learn from this and move on.
im based in London, Im somali and im hitting 28 soon, that age where you should start thinking about marriage, but where are the ladies at? throughout my 20s, whilst some of my boys would be linking girls here and there, i would always prefer to kick ball or do sutting. im the eldest of a few sisters and tbh girls can sometimes be mad jarring, so combining that with knowing if i do link someone its inevitable we get physical/marriage talk, i just thought theres no point. so ive never really put time into talking to girls.
but now im at that point where im getting hints from hooyo that i should start thinking about marriage and surprisingly even my friends are saying i should start scouting, so how do i do it? honestly, i dont think im that good looking, average at best, but im alhamdulillah im blessed – ive got 2 arms 2 legs, i think i meet the man/husband job description and im a chill guy with decent emotional intelligence (i think thats whats it called?). having loads of sisters really makes you think before you speak. anyways, the firms ive worked at, ive never seen a somali girl. Apart from WhatsApp, ive never been on any socials at all. so what do i do? i feel like i know what kind of girl it would take for us to make a good team, but i think most of them are mostly at home loooool. and pls dont say arrange marriage with someone from back home or one of them dating apps
I mean to start, you need to be more committed. For some reason I get the impression that you just want a Wife handed to you on a plate and you don’t want put in loads of work for one. Unfortunately, if you are not overly attractive, this probably won’t happen for you. You need to put yourself out there.
Like you said, the girls you want are stuck at home. So unless you plan to wait outside their doorstep all day, you probably won’t get a chance to get to know them. So go through other people. Ask your boys to ask their wives if anyone is interested in dating. That is very common now. A lot of my married friends will get their husbands to find a suitor for one of our friends and it actually works. It’s not as bad as you think, right now everyone is looking to settle down. So it really is prime time.
You also need to work on your personality a bit more I will be honest. Saying all you have is ‘2 arms and 2 legs’ is a bit worrisome. Be a bit more interesting. Gas yourself up! Have more confidence because that is ultimately what will make you more attractive.
Also If meeting through other people don’t work, maybe try get back on social media. Theres a lot of avenues tbh, you just need to want to do it (and I don’t think you do)
Where can I (F) meet other Somali girls? I’m struggling to find meaningful friendships with girls like myself especially now i’m older (mid 20’s)
Personally for me I find it easier to meet new friends through mutuals. You need at least one common denominator when you want to be introduced to new circles. Its like giving you the all clear. If one person is cool with one, everyone else can get to know you.
Hey sis need your help agian lol so I was speaking to a guy and basically it’s very weird he speaks highly of his sisters and himself which I love the confidence but there was a situation where he would get offended and hurt if I responded to a tweet a guy made on any of my tweets and even if I tweet basic stuff he always wants to make judgments like there is no reason you should post that anyways basically stuff like that when in reality his sister would reply to tweets of guys also and it’s weird how she ended up telling him you don’t want a wife who is like that and basically it’s such a blur to me and my heart and mind does not understand this thanks for the advice in advance lovelies ><
Did you have a twitter account when he first met you?
It is absolutely fine if he wants someone who is not on social media. The problem is, instead of using manipulation tactics to get you to come off it, why can’t he just find someone who is not on social media in the first place?
If you want to do what you want, make that very clear that you don’t appreciate him using his manipulation tactics to get you to not post. Using judgements to make you feel guilty is really weird