So I’m talking to a potential for the purpose of marriage we met though mutual friends and we are both close to them. When they found out we where getting to know each other seriously, their reaction hurt me you’d think they’d be happy for us but they thought it was really weird and actually try to ignore the fact we’re talking, they pull disgusted faces when I say his name, one even tried to convince me he’s an extrovert and he’s just being friendly to me??. I’m confident in what we have but when people say that kind of stuff it really plays with your mind and has you second guessing everything. But Alhamdullillah in terms of us we are happy. They keep hanging up on the fact that he told them he had a type I guess he never found her, I’m not his type- skinny, very light skin think like Albanian/ Algerian etc, longggg hair, basically a totally different face ethnically to me. I’m perfect in every other way for him except for this Im deffo beautiful Allahummabarik but a different kind of beauty this makes me insecure when I shouldn’t be but I don’t fit the criteria, in my mind I’m like it’s not that important if he’s interested in me but the mutuals keep bringing it up and it’s giving me the impending fear he’ll leave me if he ever he meets his type and she fits every other bill, I’m scared he’s settling for me because of this. I hate they’re getting in his/ my head and i don’t know how I’ll establish boundaries with them in terms of my relationship, it’s hard because I can’t just cut them off they’re so intertwined in our lives like family. How do I stop this as I know that familiarity breeds disrespect and I hate that they feel comfortable saying this stuff Subhan’Allah just because they are close to us, I’m starting to really resent them and if we do get married I definitely will feel angry as they made it seem impossible he’s considering me yet alone making me his Wife. I haven’t discussed this with him because I don’t want to seem insecure or that I have a low self worth or give him the idea he’s lowering his standards. Please advise me sisters x
Your friends are hating on you and probably think you have overstepped the friendship by dating one of their friends. They need to get over themselves. In fact, just stop oversharing about your relationship and advise the person you’re talking to as well to keep his mouth SHUT.
Your friends are trying to get their hooks in so they can fuck up whatever it is you got going on. Stop hanging around with these people when you’re with him. Also, at some point he needs to stop talking to them too really. You guys have already turned the friendship group on its head when you decided to get together, now just keep your distance.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey,
So I’m in a long distance talking stage, I’ve never done long distance before and now I see why. This guy is a good guy with good intentions but he is not as talkative as I am and can be a little distance. I’m so use to talking stages where you text all day and talk every night. But because of the time difference we can’t do that. It’s bothering me. I have spoke up about it but not much has changed. I don’t know if I’m being a brat for wanting more or if I’m justified. Should I relax and see where things go or dissatisfaction at this early stage a huge red flag?
If you are doing long distance, and he isn’t talkative and DISTANT when there is already DISTANCE, then safe. Sorry, the best part about long distance should be how much you guys are always itching to talk to each other. Not only are you guys not seeing each other but he doesn’t want to talk to you too? What are you benefiting from this? Talk to someone else.
Anon
3 years ago
Nah wthhhh in a talking stage with a lander so imma need to have that convo with him then but he doesn’t seem like the type to let his parents dictate who he marries & ik my parents don’t care about tribe alhamdulillah!
Really important to have these kind of conversations in the talking stage gurlss or else you’ll waste 2/3 years of your life on a man who won’t even stand up to his parents 🤢 crazy
Hey! I have had 2 babies back to back and I gained a lot of weight, I also developed other health issues, incl. underactive thyroid. Which doesn’t help. Needless to say I feel so horrible, insecure and disgusting right now. Today I had an argument with my husband and he called me fat and ugly. I feel really upset now.
What a poor excuse for a man. You have literally sacrificed your body and your life to bear his children and this is how he treats you? I’m so angry for you
Whilst I know you’d probably want to save your marriage, this is abusive and being together with someone that can and will make you feel like shit isn’t worth it. He obviously does not appreciate the sacrifice you have made for your family and does not love you unconditionally. Whilst I can understand that he would want his wife to lose weight, this is not how you go about it. AT ALL.
Obviously you are a mother of children so its not realistic for you to just up and leave unfortunately. So have an exit plan just in case. Make sure you have all your finances in order, a place to go, legal advice, and keep it confidential except to those who will help you move. You will never be homeless; you are always entitled to some sort of accommodation when you have kids. So in that regards, you’re good.
Try marriage counseling if you think it’ll stop him from saying these things. It probably won’t and he’ll continue to verbally harass you until you are doing nothing else but feeling insecure and beating yourself up over it. Don’t allow him this control. Warn him one final time that if he decides to use it again to hurt you in whatever way, you are out the door. There is literally NO excuse on earth that I can think of to hurt you in that way. He is not worth it. You are beautiful. Stop beating yourself up over this.
Anon
3 years ago
Do you think sex is something you should talk about before marriage. Like expectations? Thinks like that etc. Obviously within boundaries, but is it something that should come up in conversation before you do your nikkah. Personally, I thought it was weird to never mention something we know we eventually going to engage in or is it something you should leave for when the time comes. How would you even bring it up if I wanted to?
Not really, because you won’t know what you’re getting into it until you’re actually intimate. How can you really have expectations without… you know? However, you can talk about how excited you are about being with one another without having to actually say it, like it can be implied.
Anon
3 years ago
Is it okay to get freaky with your partner in bed after your marriage?
Um yes? You are married, not sure what the problem is LOL
Anon
3 years ago
My mum had me at 20.
She has always actively told me she hates the fact that she had me that young.
She’s always said that if she could go back, she wouldn’t have had me so young.
I’m in my early 20’s now and I don’t have kids or anything.
My mum hates it whenever I go out and see friends or just chill.
She tells me that I need to stay with her the way she stayed with me when i was younger instead of seeing her friends.
She tells me it’s not right for me to go have fun when she never got the chance to.
Honestly, it’s making me resent my mum a lot because I don’t think I need to be punished for her choices. I’m grateful for her being my mum and raising me and making all these sacrifices but at the same time I don’t think I need to live the way she did.
Some parents really have narcissistic like qualities. They’re also coming to terms with the idea that their girls resemble younger versions of themselves. Because of their youth, they are sometimes more attractive. Some Mother’s may be envious of their daughters because they see them as someone they used to be or have like being thinner or not having wrinkles and believe they have lost some aspects of themselves due to age. Mostly in terms of aesthetics and look.
Not only that, but we are now living in a different era. I’m sure there are a lot of things their 18-20 year old daughters can accomplish now that they couldn’t do when they were that age.
It is incredibly unjust how she treats you, because it is not your fault she decided to have children. Honestly there is not much you can do other than reconcile, or save up and move out.
I really like saint laurent sunset bags, those are proper timeless and can go with everything. I used to really like Dionysus guccis but they are very selective with their colours now. Because if you see something you like now, you can’t wait for payday, because as soon as the new season comes in, the bag you want is gone. I really really love the Dior Saddle bags in matte but sometimes I’m like I could’ve gotten two bags in exchange for one because they’re just getting more and more expensive.
Also i actually want to start looking into Prada bags, I love the black Nylon bag and i think I’m gonna get myself that one some day.
But yeah start off with a bag you can wear with anything. Then brach out
Anon
3 years ago
Sisssss. You give amazing advice MashaAllah. May Allah protect you from the evil eye Amiin ya rabi.
Anyway sisss how do I shoot my shot via IG? I’ve had my eye on this man for awhile, should I interact with what he posts or should I just wait until he notices me?
And instagram is very hard, but sometimes it might work. Maybe plant the seed a little bit and like some of his pictures? Instagram is not like twitter so you kinda have to be a bit more careful with how you move
Anon
3 years ago
How do you know if a guy will take care for example during postpartum, are these questions you ask or see if he is cable of it ?
What does he do now for you? You can easily tell if a person is going to look after you because they will show you. How do they respond when you’re sick? Is their first response to do acts of service: go to the pharmacy, ask you if you’re okay, buy you lemsip, get you a water bottle etc.
How is he like with his family, particularly his mother? When something is needed from him, does he run to fix it? Do you feel me?
Usually men will do something and then you’ll just know when they are capable of looking after you. Or they will most definitely show you if they’re NOT. Before I got married, I had this really big cyst that made me have super bad periods (not for long) but one time it was so bad I couldn’t even go shops to buy pads. My husband (we were dating back then) literally went to Asda to go me a water bottle, painkillers and because he didn’t know what pads/tampons to get me, he ended up getting one of each for every single one LMAO. I ended up having a supply that lasted me half a year. And then he just left a big bag outside my door and texted me to come outside when he drove off. And for me, that’s when I knew he could definitely look after me physically and he does this every time I get sick.
However, someone who I dated before then, I was ill and the only thing they said was “rah is it?” LMAO so you will know
Hey Lula and Ladan,
So I’m talking to a potential for the purpose of marriage we met though mutual friends and we are both close to them. When they found out we where getting to know each other seriously, their reaction hurt me you’d think they’d be happy for us but they thought it was really weird and actually try to ignore the fact we’re talking, they pull disgusted faces when I say his name, one even tried to convince me he’s an extrovert and he’s just being friendly to me??. I’m confident in what we have but when people say that kind of stuff it really plays with your mind and has you second guessing everything. But Alhamdullillah in terms of us we are happy. They keep hanging up on the fact that he told them he had a type I guess he never found her, I’m not his type- skinny, very light skin think like Albanian/ Algerian etc, longggg hair, basically a totally different face ethnically to me. I’m perfect in every other way for him except for this Im deffo beautiful Allahummabarik but a different kind of beauty this makes me insecure when I shouldn’t be but I don’t fit the criteria, in my mind I’m like it’s not that important if he’s interested in me but the mutuals keep bringing it up and it’s giving me the impending fear he’ll leave me if he ever he meets his type and she fits every other bill, I’m scared he’s settling for me because of this. I hate they’re getting in his/ my head and i don’t know how I’ll establish boundaries with them in terms of my relationship, it’s hard because I can’t just cut them off they’re so intertwined in our lives like family. How do I stop this as I know that familiarity breeds disrespect and I hate that they feel comfortable saying this stuff Subhan’Allah just because they are close to us, I’m starting to really resent them and if we do get married I definitely will feel angry as they made it seem impossible he’s considering me yet alone making me his Wife. I haven’t discussed this with him because I don’t want to seem insecure or that I have a low self worth or give him the idea he’s lowering his standards. Please advise me sisters x
Your friends are hating on you and probably think you have overstepped the friendship by dating one of their friends. They need to get over themselves. In fact, just stop oversharing about your relationship and advise the person you’re talking to as well to keep his mouth SHUT.
Your friends are trying to get their hooks in so they can fuck up whatever it is you got going on. Stop hanging around with these people when you’re with him. Also, at some point he needs to stop talking to them too really. You guys have already turned the friendship group on its head when you decided to get together, now just keep your distance.
Hey,
So I’m in a long distance talking stage, I’ve never done long distance before and now I see why. This guy is a good guy with good intentions but he is not as talkative as I am and can be a little distance. I’m so use to talking stages where you text all day and talk every night. But because of the time difference we can’t do that. It’s bothering me. I have spoke up about it but not much has changed. I don’t know if I’m being a brat for wanting more or if I’m justified. Should I relax and see where things go or dissatisfaction at this early stage a huge red flag?
If you are doing long distance, and he isn’t talkative and DISTANT when there is already DISTANCE, then safe. Sorry, the best part about long distance should be how much you guys are always itching to talk to each other. Not only are you guys not seeing each other but he doesn’t want to talk to you too? What are you benefiting from this? Talk to someone else.
Nah wthhhh in a talking stage with a lander so imma need to have that convo with him then but he doesn’t seem like the type to let his parents dictate who he marries & ik my parents don’t care about tribe alhamdulillah!
Really important to have these kind of conversations in the talking stage gurlss or else you’ll waste 2/3 years of your life on a man who won’t even stand up to his parents 🤢 crazy
I agree!
Hey! I have had 2 babies back to back and I gained a lot of weight, I also developed other health issues, incl. underactive thyroid. Which doesn’t help. Needless to say I feel so horrible, insecure and disgusting right now. Today I had an argument with my husband and he called me fat and ugly. I feel really upset now.
What a poor excuse for a man. You have literally sacrificed your body and your life to bear his children and this is how he treats you? I’m so angry for you
Whilst I know you’d probably want to save your marriage, this is abusive and being together with someone that can and will make you feel like shit isn’t worth it. He obviously does not appreciate the sacrifice you have made for your family and does not love you unconditionally. Whilst I can understand that he would want his wife to lose weight, this is not how you go about it. AT ALL.
Obviously you are a mother of children so its not realistic for you to just up and leave unfortunately. So have an exit plan just in case. Make sure you have all your finances in order, a place to go, legal advice, and keep it confidential except to those who will help you move. You will never be homeless; you are always entitled to some sort of accommodation when you have kids. So in that regards, you’re good.
Try marriage counseling if you think it’ll stop him from saying these things. It probably won’t and he’ll continue to verbally harass you until you are doing nothing else but feeling insecure and beating yourself up over it. Don’t allow him this control. Warn him one final time that if he decides to use it again to hurt you in whatever way, you are out the door. There is literally NO excuse on earth that I can think of to hurt you in that way. He is not worth it. You are beautiful. Stop beating yourself up over this.
Do you think sex is something you should talk about before marriage. Like expectations? Thinks like that etc. Obviously within boundaries, but is it something that should come up in conversation before you do your nikkah. Personally, I thought it was weird to never mention something we know we eventually going to engage in or is it something you should leave for when the time comes. How would you even bring it up if I wanted to?
Not really, because you won’t know what you’re getting into it until you’re actually intimate. How can you really have expectations without… you know? However, you can talk about how excited you are about being with one another without having to actually say it, like it can be implied.
Is it okay to get freaky with your partner in bed after your marriage?
Um yes? You are married, not sure what the problem is LOL
My mum had me at 20.
She has always actively told me she hates the fact that she had me that young.
She’s always said that if she could go back, she wouldn’t have had me so young.
I’m in my early 20’s now and I don’t have kids or anything.
My mum hates it whenever I go out and see friends or just chill.
She tells me that I need to stay with her the way she stayed with me when i was younger instead of seeing her friends.
She tells me it’s not right for me to go have fun when she never got the chance to.
Honestly, it’s making me resent my mum a lot because I don’t think I need to be punished for her choices. I’m grateful for her being my mum and raising me and making all these sacrifices but at the same time I don’t think I need to live the way she did.
Some parents really have narcissistic like qualities. They’re also coming to terms with the idea that their girls resemble younger versions of themselves. Because of their youth, they are sometimes more attractive. Some Mother’s may be envious of their daughters because they see them as someone they used to be or have like being thinner or not having wrinkles and believe they have lost some aspects of themselves due to age. Mostly in terms of aesthetics and look.
Not only that, but we are now living in a different era. I’m sure there are a lot of things their 18-20 year old daughters can accomplish now that they couldn’t do when they were that age.
It is incredibly unjust how she treats you, because it is not your fault she decided to have children. Honestly there is not much you can do other than reconcile, or save up and move out.
What are the best go to designer bags
I really like saint laurent sunset bags, those are proper timeless and can go with everything. I used to really like Dionysus guccis but they are very selective with their colours now. Because if you see something you like now, you can’t wait for payday, because as soon as the new season comes in, the bag you want is gone. I really really love the Dior Saddle bags in matte but sometimes I’m like I could’ve gotten two bags in exchange for one because they’re just getting more and more expensive.
Also i actually want to start looking into Prada bags, I love the black Nylon bag and i think I’m gonna get myself that one some day.
But yeah start off with a bag you can wear with anything. Then brach out
Sisssss. You give amazing advice MashaAllah. May Allah protect you from the evil eye Amiin ya rabi.
Anyway sisss how do I shoot my shot via IG? I’ve had my eye on this man for awhile, should I interact with what he posts or should I just wait until he notices me?
Ameen ameen!!
And instagram is very hard, but sometimes it might work. Maybe plant the seed a little bit and like some of his pictures? Instagram is not like twitter so you kinda have to be a bit more careful with how you move
How do you know if a guy will take care for example during postpartum, are these questions you ask or see if he is cable of it ?
What does he do now for you? You can easily tell if a person is going to look after you because they will show you. How do they respond when you’re sick? Is their first response to do acts of service: go to the pharmacy, ask you if you’re okay, buy you lemsip, get you a water bottle etc.
How is he like with his family, particularly his mother? When something is needed from him, does he run to fix it? Do you feel me?
Usually men will do something and then you’ll just know when they are capable of looking after you. Or they will most definitely show you if they’re NOT. Before I got married, I had this really big cyst that made me have super bad periods (not for long) but one time it was so bad I couldn’t even go shops to buy pads. My husband (we were dating back then) literally went to Asda to go me a water bottle, painkillers and because he didn’t know what pads/tampons to get me, he ended up getting one of each for every single one LMAO. I ended up having a supply that lasted me half a year. And then he just left a big bag outside my door and texted me to come outside when he drove off. And for me, that’s when I knew he could definitely look after me physically and he does this every time I get sick.
However, someone who I dated before then, I was ill and the only thing they said was “rah is it?” LMAO so you will know