Hi girl love your platform I hope you can advise me or I guess someone I can share my thoughts with . My issue is that I don’t have a great relationship with my mother like we do not speak to each other she’ll only talk to me or visa Versa when it’s really important stuff. She’s a difficult person doesn’t like who I chill with even if it’s family can be controlling and when she gets angry says incredibly nasty and hurtful comments like me being a Dhilo etc. worst part I’m actually a good girl and even more embarrassing that I’m in my late 20s and this is how my own mother speaks to me .I am grown enough and choose to simply not accept for my life to be dictated. I’ve been advised by family members to just ignore her and keep my head down
I’ll be getting married soon(thank god finally can move out ) I’m dreading all the wedding and the awkwardness of it all because we literally don’t speak. Low-key puts me off having a wedding The thing that keeps me going is the great relationship I have with my father however they are no longer together.
Basically how can I best approach everything. Ps I know the importance of a mother in Islam so I try to uphold these values but she is incredibly cold towards me. Any advice appreciated. Sorry it’s long sis. Xxx
Most my wedding preparations I really wasn’t in my mum’s good books either. And my Dad was literally my partner in crime during the whole experience so I feel like I get you.
Some mums just don’t know how to come to terms with their daughters leaving the house and not relying on them. It’s very hard for them to see the ones who they especially rely on, go off into the sunset. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. And then whilst trying to bring you closer, they end up pushing you away during the times you need them the most. Like woman I’m not gonna be with you for much longer, at least make the experience good? But you have to just have patience and see through the toxicity. Your mum is just missing you.
I would avoid having a big wedding for this exact reason. Sometimes family don’t know how to act right and will ruin your day just because of how much they will stress you out. That’s why you got to take control from them. You plan your nikkah, you sort out the hall, sometimes you gotta make people feel like a guest because they don’t know how to behave.
Me and my Husband did the exact same thing, we booked and sorted everything, all anyone needed to do was be given the time and place. Even though I was stressed anyway, having a small nikkah helped to keep me happy. Also I even moved out before which was probably the best decision I have ever made in that regards.
You have a banging relationship with your dad right? Let him take the reins. Islamically this works out because he is the one who gives you away. For me anyway, my Dad was in charge of all the finances like the mehr/dowry. No women in my family saw it, my dad literally was the middle man (because I trusted him) and then he gave it to me. Everyone called me selfish afterwards but I didn’t care. I’ve realised people just always want to upset a bride because they know how overwhelmed you are. That’s why you need to be firm and maintain boundaries.
Anon
4 years ago
The sister who spoke about hair loss- there is this hair oil from @weareplantmade on Instagram and it’s their ‘inches oil’ . I know you said oils don’t work but it’s worth a try. And girl SO SO SO many women look 😍😍😍😍 bald . I know it’s deffo a shock to the system when all you have ever known is having hair , so you don’t see your beauty without it. Try different makeup routines/clothes that compliment your face shape . Try to not talk negatively about yourself, because it’s so easy to point out the beauty in others and imperfections in yourself. I understand show shit it must be because of how “ important” long hair is in the somali community 🙄I hope you know you’re worth wayyy more than your hair And you’re absolutely gorgeous!! If the same god that made the sunset that people stare at for hours and hours , made you . Plsss girl ur stunning ! Beauty is subjective, I know so so many men that find girls w short hair attractive whereas some don’t. Confidence is everything let me tell you!! When you start acting like the bad b you are, no one can tell u shit . Even if you have to fake it sometimes. Awning u so
My dilemma is that a while back I decided to go the halal to get married and I cut off all guys from my socials. The trouble is I am having a hard time finding a practising somali brother without going about the non-halal way. My family don’t know any good guys and same goes for my friends. I’m a bit disappointed because I thought leaving that lifestyle behind would mean more khair but it’s been a struggle tbh. I’ve done the duas and night prayers but somehow I feel hopeless. What’s your advice on having sabr and trusting in Allahs plan for you?
I’ll definitely keep you in my duas. And you have to just be patient sis, wallahi there is a reason why you haven’t met someone right now and you have to trust that Allah’s has something better in store for you. But what will make things better for you, is if you actually put in the steps to meet someone. Go to a sister’s circle at the masjid and ask what steps you have to take in order to find a husband. Maybe they have a brother or cousin who is also looking for marriage. And if they’re married, maybe their husbands have friends who are looking to get married. In my opinion, the masjid is really where you should go if you want to get married asap because there are people just like you trying to do it the halal way. My cousin literally just went to the masjid and 10 days later she had a nikkah, its very fast. One day you’re single with no prospects, the next your married and with-child. That’s how fast things can change for you
Anon
4 years ago
Hiiii sisters
So I feel like I am more attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable and toxic in nature while I snob those who actually care and try to commit. It gets so bad because I expect the same toxic person to love me the way I want him too. I lost a good caring guy just because I was obssesed over a unavailable guy. I feel like I need help because I keep on getting hurt and it’s my problem. I can’t control it. I try so hard but I feel no spark over a caring and super available man. It hurts me so much. Please replyyy
Some part of you in unavailable and you don’t realise it. Another reason you could be constantly attracted to emotionally unavailable men is if you are emotionally unavailable yourself. Whilst you say you want commitment consciously many deep down apart of you is afraid of actual intimacy. So being with someone who is emotionally unavailable may feel safer since you know you don’t have to fully commit to them.
You also need to change your preferences in men, stop going for men that don’t want you in the way you need to. And stop ignoring men that are good for you.
Idk why women reject quote unquote ‘nice guys’
Nice guys never make you feel neglected. They are really good at being there for the one they want. Seriously, you people that keep saying “God when” need to realise whatever it is you’re looking for, you’re not going to get it from emotionally unavailable men. But nice guys??? When you’re in trouble, sick, down, or need him for something, like emotional support or just a listening ear, he’ll be there. You won’t have to beg for his attention, he’s ready to give you all that you need and then some. Wake up and smell the coffee sis, change your type.
Anon
4 years ago
I want to start going on dates but how do I put myself out there? I grew up in an ultra-strict household, where my parents have their eyes on me 24/7 and want to know everywhere I go and with whom. When I am outside, I constantly get calls from them and I always get lectured when I come home. I am in my 20s now, within my career, and I pay bills too around the house. Mind you I am 24 years old. I feel guilty if I lie to my parents about my outings, yet it has gotten to the point where I do, to save my mental well-being. With all that being said, how do I get into the dating world coming from a religious, hyper-controlling household? It is quite suffocating, to be honest. Is this a cultural thing (Somali) or religious because I do not understand why they behave the way they do.
Because at some point, they are going to expect and want for you to get married. So what are they going to do then? Force you to start going out and meeting suitor?? Do you know how traumatic that is, to go from never being able to talk about relationships/never allowed to go out, to then being forced get married?
Sorry rant over, but you need to start pushing boundaries unfortunately. Everyone who has freedom now, we’ve all done it. We have all fought for our rights. And it starts with making clear boundaries. Don’t pick up your phone when you’re out. Say you have late shifts at work. Get used to them not seeing you around the house and stop answering questions. Yeah they’re going to be mad AF but thats when you have to keep going. Break them down to the point they give up and don’t even care anymore. My friends did this, I did this (17), everyone did it. You benefit nothing by being the good kid.
Anon
4 years ago
When going into a marriage is it important for a guy to see what you look like naturally? Like is it the be all and end all? Also Do you think you should work on your insecurities before you even think of marriage?
Yeah I would agree, by the time you decide to get married you should feel comfortable enough to show him how you look naturally. However, no matter what you do, the first few months of you living together you are going to do the MOST trying to make you’re look nice. I feel like every girl does it LMAO. Eventually though, you’ll get comfortable and won’t even care about your insecurities
Anon
4 years ago
Hey so I’m 20 years old and I have found the guy I want to marry, we’ve been together for about a year now and Alhamdulilah I’m very happy with my relationship and I feel like I’m ready to get married. I’ve told my mum about him and she is very happy with him etc but advised me not to tell my dad for the next few years if we’re still together then. I’m graduating uni next year and I would like to get married as soon as I finish. Ideally my mum would want me to get married after I graduate and work for a year or two but my dad will want to push this much much further for another 5-6 years. My family are very much pro education and independence over getting married young which I understand and agree with but to an extent. I don’t want to be in a haram relationship and I’ve found the person I want to spend my life with so how do I go about speaking to my dad when in the next few months to bring about this conversation seriously. I would want to get married next summer straight after I finish uni so when is the right time for me to bring up this conversation to him ?
Finish Uni. Your parents know best I’m telling you.
Whilst I know you are probably deeply in love with this man, don’t rush. You are only 20, and marriage isn’t going anywhere. Trust me marriage is forever and your life before then will feel like a distant memory. Enjoy your life wallahi, you are too young and you haven’t lived yet. Honestly speak to women who have been married young. Your perspective may change, but I also know theres no stopping someone who wants to get married. ahhhh
The reason why I say finish Uni is because when you get married you get super comfortable, also you might even end up pregnant so no more Uni for you. Right now marriage should not be the priority for you. Setting yourself up should be.
Anon
4 years ago
To the sister who mentioned she is talking to a man that has asked her to see her make up free & in an abayah, this is for you. I hope this helps you.
Firstly, I’d like to start off with saying alhamdullilah you have raised this, as someone who has had similar said to her I can definitely empathise with you. I am just like you and wear the basic concealer etc here and there & I had a man express his passionate hatred for make up. As a natural reaction us humans we tend to go into defence when we feel triggered (protective mechanism), therefore we would justify our actions. So for example, I saw myself saying to the guy ‘oh but I don’t even wear full face tho’ & ‘ I only wear make up when I’m going out with the girls’. This was me indirectly asking for his approval, without even realising, which was me getting closer to him being able to dictate my life. Now don’t get me wrong everyone has preferences and a man has every right to go for a woman who does not wear make up, again it’s his choice.
HOWEVER, now this is the difference. If his preference was daacad & he genuinely found only natural girls attractive, then he would have kindly locked things off when he had realised you wear make up. But the fact he is still around and is entertaining you and asking you to not wear make up, is where alarm bells start ringing for me.
He will most likely come from the following angles to get you to be on board:
DEEN- Yes he may try tell you the deen doesn’t permit women wearing make up outside of their home, which is fine. But the deen is also NASEEHA (Advice), you advise the person to khayr, you make dua for them, and you leave it there. You don’t tell them what you would like for them to do.
Preference- I agree people should be able to see each other looking as natural as possible at some point, but there is a time a place for it. You would eventually see him bare face the more comfortable you become with him down the line.
Unfortunately, as much as men will deny the majority of them dislike make up for their own reasoning (fragile ego, insecurities) and they will hide behind the deen. If you asked a group of men would you prefer a woman who did not pray but wore hijab or one that did not wear hijab but prayed, an alarming amount would pick the woman who didn’t pray but covered up, which goes to show their priorities are messed.
Lastly, what I will say is. You mentioned you have amazing phone convos etc and you can really envision him as your best friend, these are amazing and also vital for building anything sustainable. I think the mistake we make as females, is we assume that toxic people are ALL BAD. No. An abuser is not an abuser everyday, they have good days. I’m not saying this man is an abuser, however this should be something you don’t brush under the rug. Make sincere dua for Allah to show you answers and signs in ways you understand, and for Allah to protect you always, and to give you what’s best for you. Allah knows you better than you know yourself.
The fact you raised this shows that your logical thinking is still present and your emotional mind hasn’t taken over fully, keep trying to put emotions to the side (I know it’s difficult), whilst you navigate through this.
Wish you the best of luck, I know you’ll make the right decision.
I’m 24 and I’ve been having intimate issues, I kept clean for a long time and experienced what I know now as a vaginismus on my first night. It’s like there was a wall there after it goes inside? & feeling pained. I don’t know what to do because I thought i was ready but clearly not
You need to go see your GP because ultimately they are going to give you the best advice, or you could visit a nurse in the sexual health clinic. All girls who are about to get married should go to the sexual health clinic imo.
Anon
4 years ago
Hey Lula,
I have a bit of a dilemma. I’ve been seeing this guy for just over a year now. Initially it was long distance so I never expected much. We’re now in the same city. We both never expected to like each other so much. He wants us to get married and I do too tbh. I see myself with this guy. He is literally my best friend. I’m very comfortable with him. However, he’s not that financially stable. He wants to get married but hasn’t even approached my family. He says things like how it’s a big responsibility and needs to get a few things together before he approaches family. How long am I expected to wait?
It’s got to the point where I’m fed up. And I shouldn’t have to say anything. Also, a guy I knew in the past but didn’t give much attention to is blowing up my phone etc. I am attracted to him, he’s a really good guy, and he is financially set but there is no spark. Should I just settle down with someone that is right on paper? Or someone that could possibly be loml but struggle? So confusedddd😩
You need to change your attitude regarding companionship. I can understand why you’re annoyed at him for not getting his shit together sooner, but that doesn’t mean you should consider someone you have no chemistry with. Why would you get married to someone you don’t like?? I mean what is more important to you, having a wedding or actually getting married to someone who will be a companion to you? You really need to self reflect a little bit. It’s not healthy to think marriage is a goal or necessary to be happy. The thing about marriage is that it’s made out to be the single biggest milestone of life but its really not.
If you willing to get married to just anyone, you’re going to have a hard time being married and you will be in for a surprise.
If the first guy is someone you want and you believe he will be a good husband to you, then communicate how long he needs for him to get his shit together. Give him a time frame and be reasonable. Don’t say something unrealistic like 3 months. It will probably take longer.
Hi girl love your platform I hope you can advise me or I guess someone I can share my thoughts with . My issue is that I don’t have a great relationship with my mother like we do not speak to each other she’ll only talk to me or visa Versa when it’s really important stuff. She’s a difficult person doesn’t like who I chill with even if it’s family can be controlling and when she gets angry says incredibly nasty and hurtful comments like me being a Dhilo etc. worst part I’m actually a good girl and even more embarrassing that I’m in my late 20s and this is how my own mother speaks to me .I am grown enough and choose to simply not accept for my life to be dictated. I’ve been advised by family members to just ignore her and keep my head down
I’ll be getting married soon(thank god finally can move out ) I’m dreading all the wedding and the awkwardness of it all because we literally don’t speak. Low-key puts me off having a wedding The thing that keeps me going is the great relationship I have with my father however they are no longer together.
Basically how can I best approach everything. Ps I know the importance of a mother in Islam so I try to uphold these values but she is incredibly cold towards me. Any advice appreciated. Sorry it’s long sis. Xxx
Most my wedding preparations I really wasn’t in my mum’s good books either. And my Dad was literally my partner in crime during the whole experience so I feel like I get you.
Some mums just don’t know how to come to terms with their daughters leaving the house and not relying on them. It’s very hard for them to see the ones who they especially rely on, go off into the sunset. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. And then whilst trying to bring you closer, they end up pushing you away during the times you need them the most. Like woman I’m not gonna be with you for much longer, at least make the experience good? But you have to just have patience and see through the toxicity. Your mum is just missing you.
I would avoid having a big wedding for this exact reason. Sometimes family don’t know how to act right and will ruin your day just because of how much they will stress you out. That’s why you got to take control from them. You plan your nikkah, you sort out the hall, sometimes you gotta make people feel like a guest because they don’t know how to behave.
Me and my Husband did the exact same thing, we booked and sorted everything, all anyone needed to do was be given the time and place. Even though I was stressed anyway, having a small nikkah helped to keep me happy. Also I even moved out before which was probably the best decision I have ever made in that regards.
You have a banging relationship with your dad right? Let him take the reins. Islamically this works out because he is the one who gives you away. For me anyway, my Dad was in charge of all the finances like the mehr/dowry. No women in my family saw it, my dad literally was the middle man (because I trusted him) and then he gave it to me. Everyone called me selfish afterwards but I didn’t care. I’ve realised people just always want to upset a bride because they know how overwhelmed you are. That’s why you need to be firm and maintain boundaries.
The sister who spoke about hair loss- there is this hair oil from @weareplantmade on Instagram and it’s their ‘inches oil’ . I know you said oils don’t work but it’s worth a try. And girl SO SO SO many women look 😍😍😍😍 bald . I know it’s deffo a shock to the system when all you have ever known is having hair , so you don’t see your beauty without it. Try different makeup routines/clothes that compliment your face shape . Try to not talk negatively about yourself, because it’s so easy to point out the beauty in others and imperfections in yourself. I understand show shit it must be because of how “ important” long hair is in the somali community 🙄I hope you know you’re worth wayyy more than your hair And you’re absolutely gorgeous!! If the same god that made the sunset that people stare at for hours and hours , made you . Plsss girl ur stunning ! Beauty is subjective, I know so so many men that find girls w short hair attractive whereas some don’t. Confidence is everything let me tell you!! When you start acting like the bad b you are, no one can tell u shit . Even if you have to fake it sometimes. Awning u so
Awwwwwww this is so sweet, I love this answer
Hey Ladan + Lula, hope you are doing well.
My dilemma is that a while back I decided to go the halal to get married and I cut off all guys from my socials. The trouble is I am having a hard time finding a practising somali brother without going about the non-halal way. My family don’t know any good guys and same goes for my friends. I’m a bit disappointed because I thought leaving that lifestyle behind would mean more khair but it’s been a struggle tbh. I’ve done the duas and night prayers but somehow I feel hopeless. What’s your advice on having sabr and trusting in Allahs plan for you?
Ps. Please keep me in your duas 🌸
I’ll definitely keep you in my duas. And you have to just be patient sis, wallahi there is a reason why you haven’t met someone right now and you have to trust that Allah’s has something better in store for you. But what will make things better for you, is if you actually put in the steps to meet someone. Go to a sister’s circle at the masjid and ask what steps you have to take in order to find a husband. Maybe they have a brother or cousin who is also looking for marriage. And if they’re married, maybe their husbands have friends who are looking to get married. In my opinion, the masjid is really where you should go if you want to get married asap because there are people just like you trying to do it the halal way. My cousin literally just went to the masjid and 10 days later she had a nikkah, its very fast. One day you’re single with no prospects, the next your married and with-child. That’s how fast things can change for you
Hiiii sisters
So I feel like I am more attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable and toxic in nature while I snob those who actually care and try to commit. It gets so bad because I expect the same toxic person to love me the way I want him too. I lost a good caring guy just because I was obssesed over a unavailable guy. I feel like I need help because I keep on getting hurt and it’s my problem. I can’t control it. I try so hard but I feel no spark over a caring and super available man. It hurts me so much. Please replyyy
Some part of you in unavailable and you don’t realise it. Another reason you could be constantly attracted to emotionally unavailable men is if you are emotionally unavailable yourself. Whilst you say you want commitment consciously many deep down apart of you is afraid of actual intimacy. So being with someone who is emotionally unavailable may feel safer since you know you don’t have to fully commit to them.
You also need to change your preferences in men, stop going for men that don’t want you in the way you need to. And stop ignoring men that are good for you.
Idk why women reject quote unquote ‘nice guys’
Nice guys never make you feel neglected. They are really good at being there for the one they want. Seriously, you people that keep saying “God when” need to realise whatever it is you’re looking for, you’re not going to get it from emotionally unavailable men. But nice guys??? When you’re in trouble, sick, down, or need him for something, like emotional support or just a listening ear, he’ll be there. You won’t have to beg for his attention, he’s ready to give you all that you need and then some. Wake up and smell the coffee sis, change your type.
I want to start going on dates but how do I put myself out there? I grew up in an ultra-strict household, where my parents have their eyes on me 24/7 and want to know everywhere I go and with whom. When I am outside, I constantly get calls from them and I always get lectured when I come home. I am in my 20s now, within my career, and I pay bills too around the house. Mind you I am 24 years old. I feel guilty if I lie to my parents about my outings, yet it has gotten to the point where I do, to save my mental well-being. With all that being said, how do I get into the dating world coming from a religious, hyper-controlling household? It is quite suffocating, to be honest. Is this a cultural thing (Somali) or religious because I do not understand why they behave the way they do.
I find this type of parenting bizarre tbh.
Because at some point, they are going to expect and want for you to get married. So what are they going to do then? Force you to start going out and meeting suitor?? Do you know how traumatic that is, to go from never being able to talk about relationships/never allowed to go out, to then being forced get married?
Sorry rant over, but you need to start pushing boundaries unfortunately. Everyone who has freedom now, we’ve all done it. We have all fought for our rights. And it starts with making clear boundaries. Don’t pick up your phone when you’re out. Say you have late shifts at work. Get used to them not seeing you around the house and stop answering questions. Yeah they’re going to be mad AF but thats when you have to keep going. Break them down to the point they give up and don’t even care anymore. My friends did this, I did this (17), everyone did it. You benefit nothing by being the good kid.
When going into a marriage is it important for a guy to see what you look like naturally? Like is it the be all and end all? Also Do you think you should work on your insecurities before you even think of marriage?
Yeah I would agree, by the time you decide to get married you should feel comfortable enough to show him how you look naturally. However, no matter what you do, the first few months of you living together you are going to do the MOST trying to make you’re look nice. I feel like every girl does it LMAO. Eventually though, you’ll get comfortable and won’t even care about your insecurities
Hey so I’m 20 years old and I have found the guy I want to marry, we’ve been together for about a year now and Alhamdulilah I’m very happy with my relationship and I feel like I’m ready to get married. I’ve told my mum about him and she is very happy with him etc but advised me not to tell my dad for the next few years if we’re still together then. I’m graduating uni next year and I would like to get married as soon as I finish. Ideally my mum would want me to get married after I graduate and work for a year or two but my dad will want to push this much much further for another 5-6 years. My family are very much pro education and independence over getting married young which I understand and agree with but to an extent. I don’t want to be in a haram relationship and I’ve found the person I want to spend my life with so how do I go about speaking to my dad when in the next few months to bring about this conversation seriously. I would want to get married next summer straight after I finish uni so when is the right time for me to bring up this conversation to him ?
Finish Uni. Your parents know best I’m telling you.
Whilst I know you are probably deeply in love with this man, don’t rush. You are only 20, and marriage isn’t going anywhere. Trust me marriage is forever and your life before then will feel like a distant memory. Enjoy your life wallahi, you are too young and you haven’t lived yet. Honestly speak to women who have been married young. Your perspective may change, but I also know theres no stopping someone who wants to get married. ahhhh
The reason why I say finish Uni is because when you get married you get super comfortable, also you might even end up pregnant so no more Uni for you. Right now marriage should not be the priority for you. Setting yourself up should be.
To the sister who mentioned she is talking to a man that has asked her to see her make up free & in an abayah, this is for you. I hope this helps you.
Firstly, I’d like to start off with saying alhamdullilah you have raised this, as someone who has had similar said to her I can definitely empathise with you. I am just like you and wear the basic concealer etc here and there & I had a man express his passionate hatred for make up. As a natural reaction us humans we tend to go into defence when we feel triggered (protective mechanism), therefore we would justify our actions. So for example, I saw myself saying to the guy ‘oh but I don’t even wear full face tho’ & ‘ I only wear make up when I’m going out with the girls’. This was me indirectly asking for his approval, without even realising, which was me getting closer to him being able to dictate my life. Now don’t get me wrong everyone has preferences and a man has every right to go for a woman who does not wear make up, again it’s his choice.
HOWEVER, now this is the difference. If his preference was daacad & he genuinely found only natural girls attractive, then he would have kindly locked things off when he had realised you wear make up. But the fact he is still around and is entertaining you and asking you to not wear make up, is where alarm bells start ringing for me.
He will most likely come from the following angles to get you to be on board:
DEEN- Yes he may try tell you the deen doesn’t permit women wearing make up outside of their home, which is fine. But the deen is also NASEEHA (Advice), you advise the person to khayr, you make dua for them, and you leave it there. You don’t tell them what you would like for them to do.
Preference- I agree people should be able to see each other looking as natural as possible at some point, but there is a time a place for it. You would eventually see him bare face the more comfortable you become with him down the line.
Unfortunately, as much as men will deny the majority of them dislike make up for their own reasoning (fragile ego, insecurities) and they will hide behind the deen. If you asked a group of men would you prefer a woman who did not pray but wore hijab or one that did not wear hijab but prayed, an alarming amount would pick the woman who didn’t pray but covered up, which goes to show their priorities are messed.
Lastly, what I will say is. You mentioned you have amazing phone convos etc and you can really envision him as your best friend, these are amazing and also vital for building anything sustainable. I think the mistake we make as females, is we assume that toxic people are ALL BAD. No. An abuser is not an abuser everyday, they have good days. I’m not saying this man is an abuser, however this should be something you don’t brush under the rug. Make sincere dua for Allah to show you answers and signs in ways you understand, and for Allah to protect you always, and to give you what’s best for you. Allah knows you better than you know yourself.
The fact you raised this shows that your logical thinking is still present and your emotional mind hasn’t taken over fully, keep trying to put emotions to the side (I know it’s difficult), whilst you navigate through this.
Wish you the best of luck, I know you’ll make the right decision.
Love your sis xx
I love this answer!
I’m 24 and I’ve been having intimate issues, I kept clean for a long time and experienced what I know now as a vaginismus on my first night. It’s like there was a wall there after it goes inside? & feeling pained. I don’t know what to do because I thought i was ready but clearly not
You need to go see your GP because ultimately they are going to give you the best advice, or you could visit a nurse in the sexual health clinic. All girls who are about to get married should go to the sexual health clinic imo.
Hey Lula,
I have a bit of a dilemma. I’ve been seeing this guy for just over a year now. Initially it was long distance so I never expected much. We’re now in the same city. We both never expected to like each other so much. He wants us to get married and I do too tbh. I see myself with this guy. He is literally my best friend. I’m very comfortable with him. However, he’s not that financially stable. He wants to get married but hasn’t even approached my family. He says things like how it’s a big responsibility and needs to get a few things together before he approaches family. How long am I expected to wait?
It’s got to the point where I’m fed up. And I shouldn’t have to say anything. Also, a guy I knew in the past but didn’t give much attention to is blowing up my phone etc. I am attracted to him, he’s a really good guy, and he is financially set but there is no spark. Should I just settle down with someone that is right on paper? Or someone that could possibly be loml but struggle? So confusedddd😩
Okay slow down.
You need to change your attitude regarding companionship. I can understand why you’re annoyed at him for not getting his shit together sooner, but that doesn’t mean you should consider someone you have no chemistry with. Why would you get married to someone you don’t like?? I mean what is more important to you, having a wedding or actually getting married to someone who will be a companion to you? You really need to self reflect a little bit. It’s not healthy to think marriage is a goal or necessary to be happy. The thing about marriage is that it’s made out to be the single biggest milestone of life but its really not.
If you willing to get married to just anyone, you’re going to have a hard time being married and you will be in for a surprise.
If the first guy is someone you want and you believe he will be a good husband to you, then communicate how long he needs for him to get his shit together. Give him a time frame and be reasonable. Don’t say something unrealistic like 3 months. It will probably take longer.