Hello hope ur well
I have this issue where every guy I speak to they just want to fuck but I’m not on that. It really annoying because I feel like once I tell them I don’t want to they become less interested and more annoyed. At this point I feel like it says on my forehead fuck me or something because it’s literally every guy. It’s really annoying they always say It’s because I have sex appeal and bullshit but I want someone to see me for more than that
You need to vet and screen better. Almost all young women have a ton of dating options. Use that to your advantage. As a woman, you have the upper hand on the dating scene. As soon as a guy is a bit too forward with you, cut it off. Don’t force it because he’s a dog, move on. Also, if the type you are going for continuously have this attitude, go for a different type. Not all men are disrespectful like this. Go for someone with manners, not someone who will say “ayo miss lemme chat to you”
For yourself, maybe change how you get to know people. Keep it very above surface level. No inappropriate conversations and don’t speak to a potential past a certain time. When you see them, dress appropriately. Don’t show that you’re dying for a relationship, because then they’ll try and push your boundaries. Its the ‘well if you want this, I know you’ll give me that’.
Anon
3 years ago
How do I come across less intimating? I personally don’t think I come across as that but I’ve been told numerous times that I have an aura about me that people feel intimated by. I don’t think I have a RBF and I always try be super sweet when I do talk to someone new.But I still get the same ‘Oh I thought you’d be like this and this when I first met you’ comments. I’ve also noticed people say the same couple of phrases to describe me (including new people). I want to point out that I’ve even noticed extended family also feel uncomfortable around me because I only talk when I need to. Sometimes when there are family functions, I’ll walk into a room where a discussion is being held between two people in my family and the discussion will suddenly stop? I don’t know if i’m overthinking it but it’s making me want to change who I am. It bothers me so much because its gone to the point where i’ve noticed it always stops the guys I actually want from approaching me too. The ones that do approach struggle to maintain eye contact when talking to me and they give off the impression that they feel uncomfortable during the whole encounter. There are other instances where a guy will only talk to me if they are with a group of other people which makes ME uncomfortable and wonder what’s stopping them from talking one on one. I want to come across as who I actually am straight away to both genders lol. It annoys me because I know the type of person I am but something about the energy I give off might be making people uncomfortable?
People are going to have their assumptions regardless of what you do, however try to smile and speak in a softer voice because instead of coming across intimidating, you become more neutral. Smiling is key, people always feel like you’re more friendly when you have a smile. It’s welcoming
Anon
3 years ago
Hey guys, this is an amazing page !
This isn’t a dilemma but more of a reflection since I’m about to get married and I don’t really have anyone to speak to (maybe because it’s 6am😂)
Alhmaduillah, i am getting married to the most amazing guy there is, he’s so beautiful (inside and out), I have never met anyone that treats me in the manner he does. He knows what I need before it even hits my mind.
I have never experienced love with so much compassion, respect and generosity, not just money but with his emotions and time.
There is a never been a day in the last 2 years that he hasn’t said I love you, good morning or good night to me. Buys me flowers, sticks up for me, shows my family and his family time and time how much he respects me. I have never felt more reassured in a relationship, and the best of it, it’s that he is my best friend. We can do a mundane chore, we can sit silent and it still feels amaaaaazing!
I have never known love so kind, alhmaduillah.
Growing up as a Somali, we are so normalised to seeing dysfunctional relationships (single mothers, dads that are not in the picture, narcissistic mother-daughter relationships, or parents that suffer from some sort of mental health issue, which I think is so common in Somalis around the world). I wonder if this is the reason why we Somali girls are so naive or quick when it comes to marrying a man. I feel like we use it as some form of escapism, but it rarely works. I read a lot of your dilemmas here, and it’s so sad that so many sisters are settling. I just want to say to any sisters that are reading this, never settle. You owe yourself so much better.
Awwwww this is honestly so beautiful man, Allahumabarik I love this for you. Congratulations my love and May Allah swt protect you and your union. You’re absolutely right, I think its so good to also highlight on these good stories too
Anon
3 years ago
How do you have a good relationship with in-laws , mine are very nice people but I’m just such an awks person and my Somali is soo bad it’s embarrassing and I don’t have any sisters so have all these new sister in laws it so mad to me , do I ask them to go out ? Try call his mum often , everyone tells me this is minor and over time it won’t be awks but I’m just so different to them personality wise but I’d love to have a more closer relationship with the mum and his sister , btw I’m not married to him yet but will be in a few months
You’re getting married to your partner, not his family. So just see it that way. You don’t have to see them everyday, honestly once every few weeks is enough. And they won’t expect to see you often, especially if you work and have your own life. When you have kids though it will be different, because now these are grandkids to a even bigger family. But new couples its not that deep honestly.
If he has a lot of sisters and they’re older than him, I wouldn’t get too familiar though because older sisters can be quite overprotective and overbearing. Be very very nice to his mum, because it’s going to be hard for her seeing her son married off. Make her feel like she has a new addition to her life, rather than feeling like her son is being taken away if that makes sense?
Anon
3 years ago
So I’m getting married next year inshallah, my mcm and parents have recently met and it’s been going smoothly ever since , however I’m the only girl in my family and the first girl in a whileeeeee to get married in my extended family so it’s been a very big deal , I’m quite shy and hate being centre of attention and I honestly don’t want to have a wedding but I keep telling myself it will be worth it etc and have smalll nikkah or something but my family are not having and my mum keep saying stop being shy and firm it but honestly the more I think about having a wedding and all the events my family want me to do it’s starting to ruin my whole experience I just get maddd anxiety from it and it stresses me out so much I really don’t want to make my family unhappy as I understand where they are coming from but the idea of having a huge wedding makes me want to vomit
When you are the only girl in your family, I’m not sure if you have a choice my love. Ahh if only you had only sisters to take the spotlight off of you. But your mum probably just wants that moment where her daughter is getting married, and she gets to plan everything. Your family is only going to get that experience once!
I can’t even tell you to say no to a wedding, because I feel more inclined to say just do it for your parents. You’re gonna hate the whole process, but tbh even if you have a small one, you’ll still hate the process (trust me I know). Getting married is not fun, no matter how small the shindig is, its too much. I feel like a certain type of people love the idea of weddings.
It might be beneficial to offload some of the planning to someone else. I didn’t plan anything to do with my bridal shower and wallahi it made me 10x happier. Only worry about the wedding hall and outfit changes.
Take off work at least 3 weeks before your wedding because those 3 weeks running up to the big day is HECTIC.
Regarding the big day, make sure that you have someone who knows how anxious you’re feeling and can keep an eye out for if you start panicking. It could be your partner, a bridesmaid or groomsman, your parents, or whomever. Just tell them that you’re going to need some support to get through the night, and that you might need them to rescue you from an overwhelming situation. My besties all knew when to take the attention off of me on my day. Shout out to Hani & Saf, anytime I gave them that look they took me from whoever was trying to dance with me.
Also remember, although its your wedding, its not about you. Guests only see the bride for a few times before you’re off getting changed again. Then people are either dancing or eating. In hindsight, the build up to the day is so long but during it, only lasts for seconds. Wallahi afterwards it will feel like a dream to you. So make the most of it.
Anon
3 years ago
Don’t judge me cause of this; I know some of you ladies are married and would kill a women that looks at your husband, but I’ve been in a relationship with a married man for a few years now. He also has a few kids. He’s amazing to me, I mean he is perfect in my eyes. I knew what I was getting into because he’s always been honest and straightforward with me, so no I didn’t get fooled or lied to. I was really hesitant at first I mean years of saying no. I finally gave in. I love this man dearly but he loves me much more than I love him and ultimately isn’t that the goal? To look for a
Man that loves you more than you love him? . what kind of women would I be if I was the reason for another sisters heartbreak? Or the ending of a family? I think I made my mind; I’m going to end things. What do you guys think I should do?
Oh wow, from one woman to another, this is very disappointing.
I think you should end things. I think you know what you should do, but maybe just need confirmation and a little nudge so I will give it to you. In fact we will forget about the obvious moral implications here for now and look at this logically for a minute.
He’s married right now, which means he made vows to honour, love and cherish this woman forever. That’s no small thing. It should be a giant red flag to you that he is the kind of person who is willing to not only break those vows, but to presumably lie to her face and sneak around with you. This means that marriage don’t mean the same thing to him as they might to most people- or you. Because if he can do this to his family, the most sacred unit in the world, he can most definitely do it to you.
Say he does leave his wife. Would you want to be in a relationship or possibly marry someone that doesn’t respect his wife? If he didn’t love his wife, he should get a divorce, not humiliate her by cheating on her. At some point he loved her enough to marry her- this is how he treats people? If you are being truly honest, what would make you think he wouldn’t do the same to you.Do you think his wife deserves this? Would you deserve this?
I don’t know how much life experience or experience you have with men, but you need to know that the things he is telling you about his relationship with his wife are the things every man tells the woman he is cheating with. It’s almost a cliche. I know you want to believe it, but trust your instincts which probably guided you here. Even if you do stay with him, he’s not going to leave his wife, and even if he did you could never feel 100% safe and secure in your relationship. So who wins here? No one.
Also I would like to remind you that he is using you to commit adultery, you already know that but you should probably look at the punishments regarding that. Maybe that will be the thing that stops you.
Anon
3 years ago
Hiiiiii girls, I really have been loving this platform. I’m in a relationship with a guy and since we’ve started being serious (the past 4/5 months) he stopped caring about how he looks and it’s pissing me the fuck off (so sorry for my language). He has a huge appetite and has been like that since forever legit eats 5 FAT meals but maintained it by going gym and was look sexy and hench but now he eats so much and isn’t going gym I’m starting to get irritated and dislike him. He is slowly losing muscle and looking unattractive. Imagine how he will look by the time it’s the wedding and we move in with each other. I told him to go back to the gym and he is making so many excuses and tbh there is only so much I can say without trying to be rude. Before I weren’t bothered by his eating habits but now he is looking different and not going gym his eating habits are making me sick. Like I ask him how many meals he had every evening and he will proudly reply 4 or 5 and I’ll stare at him with disgust on ft. He doesn’t get the message but I really can’t help but be annoyed. Is it wrong if I leave his fat ass if he starts looking terrible because originally he was attractive and he isn’t really all that anymore or does that make me trash
Hold up, it is extremely concerning your boyfriend has gained a noticeably huge amount of weight in 4-5 months. Are you sure there isn’t something underlying here? A mental health issue? A thyroid problem? I wouldn’t approach this from a appearance perspective but a genuine health concern one, I’m not a doctor obviously but from how it’s been described it’s alarming.
The problem I always see with situations like this is that people seem to overlook the causation and go straight to the result, this being weight gain. If the weight gain is as rapid as you say, maybe you should use those opportunities to encourage him to seek a professional help. If you want to remain in a committed relationship, you need to extend sympathy first. Ask questions and most importantly, listen. If he will accept it, offer the help that you can. Search for resources, and even finding active activities or healthy recipes to try would be a step in the direction. No one should have to force attraction to anyone else, I definitely understand that and you should try to let go of that guilt. But if you’re not willing to help your partner with this, the relationship should be evaluated. There may be more reasons that you want to break up than just the weight gain.
But also on the other hand, it has only been 4/5 months of you being together, and you’re not married. Which means, you don’t have to commit to this problem if you don’t want to.
Anon
3 years ago
Sis I think I wrote my question out wrong! About the importance of having a degree but I mean for the man not me. Alhamdulilah I’m educated with a bachelors and 2 master degrees, I have a well paying and respected job and worked really hard to get there. My current potential has a well paying job but no degree and I thought my whole life I would get with someone on my level or above. He has no degree not even a levels. I’m not belittling him but I don’t know if I should consider him because he is not educated. He is a workaholic and earns 6k a month but it’s just the degree part which is bothering me! I want to be able to move to different countries and live there and I asked him how he could make that possible considering most good jobs abroad requires a degree at least. He said because he earns so much he plans to start investing and opening up his own business soon so that he can do that. I don’t know if I should take him serious or not now. Is a degree even that important? I’m in two minds lol
If he is earning 6k a month then this man is earning over 6 figures, I’m assuming its even 120k a year. He is in the top 5%. A lot of women would kill to have their partners in the top 5%. Why do you care if he has a degree? Clearly not having a degree is working for him. People who have degrees like medicine are earning 4x less than him? So its not even about the degree. I’m telling you after I post this there will be women asking where this guy @ and if you don’t want him, to pass him along LOOOOOOOOOL
He is right, if he is earning 6 figures IN THIS COUNTRY, why would he want to move? Especially if his earning potential is higher than what he’s earning NOW.
You are definitely being far too picky. Do you know how rare it is to find muslim men on 6 figures in the UK? Unless you are earning 6 figures too, he is definitely on your level. It’s not easy to earn that much money, people are working hard as hell to be able to get money like that. Nah you’re definitely wildin
Anon
3 years ago
Yesss girl please make an extra page for product suggestions, and maybe we can also suggest stuff ( makeup, skincare, bags, homeware etc) it would be amazing for the girls getting married or the ones wanting to elevate! Sometimes there’s girls that are fashionistas or are into skincare/ body care products on the TL but I’ve never dmed them for suggestions out of thinking they might think I’m weird lool
Me and Ladan are definitely looking into it! If we did make a new page, give us some idea for names! We already have The Sister Gude and now the Sisterverse, give us something to work with ladies
Anon
3 years ago
I love how you are solution based and you don’t fluff up to reality for people. I realised I ignore listening to the truth and it doesnt benefit me anyway. I really want to start being honest with myself but where do I start? As soon as I hear or see something I don’t like I put my blinkers on how did you become like this?
Wallahi it was my Dad, we are exactly the same. My Dad lost most of his family during the war and even though it was easier for him to just ignore what was going on and let his grief debilitate him, he did something about it. He picked up his family and relocated. He has that attitude about everything, he has faith in Allah and he won’t ever let himself be a victim to circumstance. I was babied a lot when I was younger, and when I look back now I’m glad he brought discipline into my life. He was so brutally honest. If I got down about something in school, his first plan of action was: What are you going to do to fix it? And I learned then everything is fixable.
I don’t subscribe to ignorance is bliss. Ignorance to me is procrastination, a lack of discipline. And it just keeps you stalling in the same place forever. How can I elevate If I refuse to see what is right in front of me?
There’s a famous quote and its: “it is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied” – Which basically means is that it’s better to be smart and not enjoy life than dumb and enjoy everything. The fool is complacent with a bad situation, but on the other hand if you can see through the bad situation and don’t like it, you have the willingness to do something about it. Because at the end of the day, you know for a fact there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And you usually end up with a better result than you would have had, had you been a fool.
Thinking like this has got me through a lot. I could have stayed being babied, unprepared for real life and give up at every single turn. Imagine if I had? As soon as I leave the comfort of my home, the real world would have shaken me to the core. Have you seen outside? The level of apathy that people have is astonishing. People really don’t give a fuck what you’re going through or if you’re a bit more emotional than others. They don’t accommodate you and suffering definitely does not discriminate.
So when there is something I don’t like, I have to change it. I also don’t appreciate when people soften up the truth for me, which is why I only go to certain people for advice. I benefit nothing when you hide the truth from me. I don’t grow and my problem won’t even be solved? So what was the point of coming to you in the first place?
However, delivery is also important, in real life my advice doesn’t ever come across harsh. It actually comes across very passionate and encouraging in fact too much (I watch a lot of ted talks haha) and sometimes it’s because I get too invested in people (I’m trying to stop). But I understand on here it can get lost in translation but know I would never say something I wouldn’t say to myself.
All in all, you just need to change your attitude towards problem solving. Giving excuses and covering up the truth to make it look pretty doesn’t inherently change your circumstance. You just ignore it until it manifests later into a bigger problem you can’t control.
For example: you fail one module, instead of just waiting until the year ends- go back and check yourself. Why did I fail? Oh yeah it was because I was going out and not prioritising my studies. Be honest with yourself. What am I going to do? I am going to make sure I establish a healthy work routine so I can balance both lives. And I am going to speak to my tutors to see what I could improve on. That’s how you get yourself out of a situation. You find solutions.
But what happens if you just ignore it? The problem continues onto your other modules, and you continue failing. You literally wasted money trying to get a degree. And no one is going to be forgiving to you. They aren’t going to allow you or give you an opportunity to try again. Places won’t hire you for jobs that require a degree. It’s a downward spiral. And this doesn’t affect no one else, they don’t care if you failed, its not them. The only person who deals with this, is YOU.
Hello hope ur well
I have this issue where every guy I speak to they just want to fuck but I’m not on that. It really annoying because I feel like once I tell them I don’t want to they become less interested and more annoyed. At this point I feel like it says on my forehead fuck me or something because it’s literally every guy. It’s really annoying they always say It’s because I have sex appeal and bullshit but I want someone to see me for more than that
You need to vet and screen better. Almost all young women have a ton of dating options. Use that to your advantage. As a woman, you have the upper hand on the dating scene. As soon as a guy is a bit too forward with you, cut it off. Don’t force it because he’s a dog, move on. Also, if the type you are going for continuously have this attitude, go for a different type. Not all men are disrespectful like this. Go for someone with manners, not someone who will say “ayo miss lemme chat to you”
For yourself, maybe change how you get to know people. Keep it very above surface level. No inappropriate conversations and don’t speak to a potential past a certain time. When you see them, dress appropriately. Don’t show that you’re dying for a relationship, because then they’ll try and push your boundaries. Its the ‘well if you want this, I know you’ll give me that’.
How do I come across less intimating? I personally don’t think I come across as that but I’ve been told numerous times that I have an aura about me that people feel intimated by. I don’t think I have a RBF and I always try be super sweet when I do talk to someone new.But I still get the same ‘Oh I thought you’d be like this and this when I first met you’ comments. I’ve also noticed people say the same couple of phrases to describe me (including new people). I want to point out that I’ve even noticed extended family also feel uncomfortable around me because I only talk when I need to. Sometimes when there are family functions, I’ll walk into a room where a discussion is being held between two people in my family and the discussion will suddenly stop? I don’t know if i’m overthinking it but it’s making me want to change who I am. It bothers me so much because its gone to the point where i’ve noticed it always stops the guys I actually want from approaching me too. The ones that do approach struggle to maintain eye contact when talking to me and they give off the impression that they feel uncomfortable during the whole encounter. There are other instances where a guy will only talk to me if they are with a group of other people which makes ME uncomfortable and wonder what’s stopping them from talking one on one. I want to come across as who I actually am straight away to both genders lol. It annoys me because I know the type of person I am but something about the energy I give off might be making people uncomfortable?
People are going to have their assumptions regardless of what you do, however try to smile and speak in a softer voice because instead of coming across intimidating, you become more neutral. Smiling is key, people always feel like you’re more friendly when you have a smile. It’s welcoming
Hey guys, this is an amazing page !
This isn’t a dilemma but more of a reflection since I’m about to get married and I don’t really have anyone to speak to (maybe because it’s 6am😂)
Alhmaduillah, i am getting married to the most amazing guy there is, he’s so beautiful (inside and out), I have never met anyone that treats me in the manner he does. He knows what I need before it even hits my mind.
I have never experienced love with so much compassion, respect and generosity, not just money but with his emotions and time.
There is a never been a day in the last 2 years that he hasn’t said I love you, good morning or good night to me. Buys me flowers, sticks up for me, shows my family and his family time and time how much he respects me. I have never felt more reassured in a relationship, and the best of it, it’s that he is my best friend. We can do a mundane chore, we can sit silent and it still feels amaaaaazing!
I have never known love so kind, alhmaduillah.
Growing up as a Somali, we are so normalised to seeing dysfunctional relationships (single mothers, dads that are not in the picture, narcissistic mother-daughter relationships, or parents that suffer from some sort of mental health issue, which I think is so common in Somalis around the world). I wonder if this is the reason why we Somali girls are so naive or quick when it comes to marrying a man. I feel like we use it as some form of escapism, but it rarely works. I read a lot of your dilemmas here, and it’s so sad that so many sisters are settling. I just want to say to any sisters that are reading this, never settle. You owe yourself so much better.
Awwwww this is honestly so beautiful man, Allahumabarik I love this for you. Congratulations my love and May Allah swt protect you and your union. You’re absolutely right, I think its so good to also highlight on these good stories too
How do you have a good relationship with in-laws , mine are very nice people but I’m just such an awks person and my Somali is soo bad it’s embarrassing and I don’t have any sisters so have all these new sister in laws it so mad to me , do I ask them to go out ? Try call his mum often , everyone tells me this is minor and over time it won’t be awks but I’m just so different to them personality wise but I’d love to have a more closer relationship with the mum and his sister , btw I’m not married to him yet but will be in a few months
You’re getting married to your partner, not his family. So just see it that way. You don’t have to see them everyday, honestly once every few weeks is enough. And they won’t expect to see you often, especially if you work and have your own life. When you have kids though it will be different, because now these are grandkids to a even bigger family. But new couples its not that deep honestly.
If he has a lot of sisters and they’re older than him, I wouldn’t get too familiar though because older sisters can be quite overprotective and overbearing. Be very very nice to his mum, because it’s going to be hard for her seeing her son married off. Make her feel like she has a new addition to her life, rather than feeling like her son is being taken away if that makes sense?
So I’m getting married next year inshallah, my mcm and parents have recently met and it’s been going smoothly ever since , however I’m the only girl in my family and the first girl in a whileeeeee to get married in my extended family so it’s been a very big deal , I’m quite shy and hate being centre of attention and I honestly don’t want to have a wedding but I keep telling myself it will be worth it etc and have smalll nikkah or something but my family are not having and my mum keep saying stop being shy and firm it but honestly the more I think about having a wedding and all the events my family want me to do it’s starting to ruin my whole experience I just get maddd anxiety from it and it stresses me out so much I really don’t want to make my family unhappy as I understand where they are coming from but the idea of having a huge wedding makes me want to vomit
When you are the only girl in your family, I’m not sure if you have a choice my love. Ahh if only you had only sisters to take the spotlight off of you. But your mum probably just wants that moment where her daughter is getting married, and she gets to plan everything. Your family is only going to get that experience once!
I can’t even tell you to say no to a wedding, because I feel more inclined to say just do it for your parents. You’re gonna hate the whole process, but tbh even if you have a small one, you’ll still hate the process (trust me I know). Getting married is not fun, no matter how small the shindig is, its too much. I feel like a certain type of people love the idea of weddings.
It might be beneficial to offload some of the planning to someone else. I didn’t plan anything to do with my bridal shower and wallahi it made me 10x happier. Only worry about the wedding hall and outfit changes.
Take off work at least 3 weeks before your wedding because those 3 weeks running up to the big day is HECTIC.
Regarding the big day, make sure that you have someone who knows how anxious you’re feeling and can keep an eye out for if you start panicking. It could be your partner, a bridesmaid or groomsman, your parents, or whomever. Just tell them that you’re going to need some support to get through the night, and that you might need them to rescue you from an overwhelming situation. My besties all knew when to take the attention off of me on my day. Shout out to Hani & Saf, anytime I gave them that look they took me from whoever was trying to dance with me.
Also remember, although its your wedding, its not about you. Guests only see the bride for a few times before you’re off getting changed again. Then people are either dancing or eating. In hindsight, the build up to the day is so long but during it, only lasts for seconds. Wallahi afterwards it will feel like a dream to you. So make the most of it.
Don’t judge me cause of this; I know some of you ladies are married and would kill a women that looks at your husband, but I’ve been in a relationship with a married man for a few years now. He also has a few kids. He’s amazing to me, I mean he is perfect in my eyes. I knew what I was getting into because he’s always been honest and straightforward with me, so no I didn’t get fooled or lied to. I was really hesitant at first I mean years of saying no. I finally gave in. I love this man dearly but he loves me much more than I love him and ultimately isn’t that the goal? To look for a
Man that loves you more than you love him? . what kind of women would I be if I was the reason for another sisters heartbreak? Or the ending of a family? I think I made my mind; I’m going to end things. What do you guys think I should do?
Oh wow, from one woman to another, this is very disappointing.
I think you should end things. I think you know what you should do, but maybe just need confirmation and a little nudge so I will give it to you. In fact we will forget about the obvious moral implications here for now and look at this logically for a minute.
He’s married right now, which means he made vows to honour, love and cherish this woman forever. That’s no small thing. It should be a giant red flag to you that he is the kind of person who is willing to not only break those vows, but to presumably lie to her face and sneak around with you. This means that marriage don’t mean the same thing to him as they might to most people- or you. Because if he can do this to his family, the most sacred unit in the world, he can most definitely do it to you.
Say he does leave his wife. Would you want to be in a relationship or possibly marry someone that doesn’t respect his wife? If he didn’t love his wife, he should get a divorce, not humiliate her by cheating on her. At some point he loved her enough to marry her- this is how he treats people? If you are being truly honest, what would make you think he wouldn’t do the same to you.Do you think his wife deserves this? Would you deserve this?
I don’t know how much life experience or experience you have with men, but you need to know that the things he is telling you about his relationship with his wife are the things every man tells the woman he is cheating with. It’s almost a cliche. I know you want to believe it, but trust your instincts which probably guided you here. Even if you do stay with him, he’s not going to leave his wife, and even if he did you could never feel 100% safe and secure in your relationship. So who wins here? No one.
Also I would like to remind you that he is using you to commit adultery, you already know that but you should probably look at the punishments regarding that. Maybe that will be the thing that stops you.
Hiiiiii girls, I really have been loving this platform. I’m in a relationship with a guy and since we’ve started being serious (the past 4/5 months) he stopped caring about how he looks and it’s pissing me the fuck off (so sorry for my language). He has a huge appetite and has been like that since forever legit eats 5 FAT meals but maintained it by going gym and was look sexy and hench but now he eats so much and isn’t going gym I’m starting to get irritated and dislike him. He is slowly losing muscle and looking unattractive. Imagine how he will look by the time it’s the wedding and we move in with each other. I told him to go back to the gym and he is making so many excuses and tbh there is only so much I can say without trying to be rude. Before I weren’t bothered by his eating habits but now he is looking different and not going gym his eating habits are making me sick. Like I ask him how many meals he had every evening and he will proudly reply 4 or 5 and I’ll stare at him with disgust on ft. He doesn’t get the message but I really can’t help but be annoyed. Is it wrong if I leave his fat ass if he starts looking terrible because originally he was attractive and he isn’t really all that anymore or does that make me trash
Hold up, it is extremely concerning your boyfriend has gained a noticeably huge amount of weight in 4-5 months. Are you sure there isn’t something underlying here? A mental health issue? A thyroid problem? I wouldn’t approach this from a appearance perspective but a genuine health concern one, I’m not a doctor obviously but from how it’s been described it’s alarming.
The problem I always see with situations like this is that people seem to overlook the causation and go straight to the result, this being weight gain. If the weight gain is as rapid as you say, maybe you should use those opportunities to encourage him to seek a professional help. If you want to remain in a committed relationship, you need to extend sympathy first. Ask questions and most importantly, listen. If he will accept it, offer the help that you can. Search for resources, and even finding active activities or healthy recipes to try would be a step in the direction. No one should have to force attraction to anyone else, I definitely understand that and you should try to let go of that guilt. But if you’re not willing to help your partner with this, the relationship should be evaluated. There may be more reasons that you want to break up than just the weight gain.
But also on the other hand, it has only been 4/5 months of you being together, and you’re not married. Which means, you don’t have to commit to this problem if you don’t want to.
Sis I think I wrote my question out wrong! About the importance of having a degree but I mean for the man not me. Alhamdulilah I’m educated with a bachelors and 2 master degrees, I have a well paying and respected job and worked really hard to get there. My current potential has a well paying job but no degree and I thought my whole life I would get with someone on my level or above. He has no degree not even a levels. I’m not belittling him but I don’t know if I should consider him because he is not educated. He is a workaholic and earns 6k a month but it’s just the degree part which is bothering me! I want to be able to move to different countries and live there and I asked him how he could make that possible considering most good jobs abroad requires a degree at least. He said because he earns so much he plans to start investing and opening up his own business soon so that he can do that. I don’t know if I should take him serious or not now. Is a degree even that important? I’m in two minds lol
If he is earning 6k a month then this man is earning over 6 figures, I’m assuming its even 120k a year. He is in the top 5%. A lot of women would kill to have their partners in the top 5%. Why do you care if he has a degree? Clearly not having a degree is working for him. People who have degrees like medicine are earning 4x less than him? So its not even about the degree. I’m telling you after I post this there will be women asking where this guy @ and if you don’t want him, to pass him along LOOOOOOOOOL
He is right, if he is earning 6 figures IN THIS COUNTRY, why would he want to move? Especially if his earning potential is higher than what he’s earning NOW.
You are definitely being far too picky. Do you know how rare it is to find muslim men on 6 figures in the UK? Unless you are earning 6 figures too, he is definitely on your level. It’s not easy to earn that much money, people are working hard as hell to be able to get money like that. Nah you’re definitely wildin
Yesss girl please make an extra page for product suggestions, and maybe we can also suggest stuff ( makeup, skincare, bags, homeware etc) it would be amazing for the girls getting married or the ones wanting to elevate! Sometimes there’s girls that are fashionistas or are into skincare/ body care products on the TL but I’ve never dmed them for suggestions out of thinking they might think I’m weird lool
Me and Ladan are definitely looking into it! If we did make a new page, give us some idea for names! We already have The Sister Gude and now the Sisterverse, give us something to work with ladies
I love how you are solution based and you don’t fluff up to reality for people. I realised I ignore listening to the truth and it doesnt benefit me anyway. I really want to start being honest with myself but where do I start? As soon as I hear or see something I don’t like I put my blinkers on how did you become like this?
Btw i love your page
Wallahi it was my Dad, we are exactly the same. My Dad lost most of his family during the war and even though it was easier for him to just ignore what was going on and let his grief debilitate him, he did something about it. He picked up his family and relocated. He has that attitude about everything, he has faith in Allah and he won’t ever let himself be a victim to circumstance. I was babied a lot when I was younger, and when I look back now I’m glad he brought discipline into my life. He was so brutally honest. If I got down about something in school, his first plan of action was: What are you going to do to fix it? And I learned then everything is fixable.
I don’t subscribe to ignorance is bliss. Ignorance to me is procrastination, a lack of discipline. And it just keeps you stalling in the same place forever. How can I elevate If I refuse to see what is right in front of me?
There’s a famous quote and its: “it is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied” – Which basically means is that it’s better to be smart and not enjoy life than dumb and enjoy everything. The fool is complacent with a bad situation, but on the other hand if you can see through the bad situation and don’t like it, you have the willingness to do something about it. Because at the end of the day, you know for a fact there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And you usually end up with a better result than you would have had, had you been a fool.
Thinking like this has got me through a lot. I could have stayed being babied, unprepared for real life and give up at every single turn. Imagine if I had? As soon as I leave the comfort of my home, the real world would have shaken me to the core. Have you seen outside? The level of apathy that people have is astonishing. People really don’t give a fuck what you’re going through or if you’re a bit more emotional than others. They don’t accommodate you and suffering definitely does not discriminate.
So when there is something I don’t like, I have to change it. I also don’t appreciate when people soften up the truth for me, which is why I only go to certain people for advice. I benefit nothing when you hide the truth from me. I don’t grow and my problem won’t even be solved? So what was the point of coming to you in the first place?
However, delivery is also important, in real life my advice doesn’t ever come across harsh. It actually comes across very passionate and encouraging in fact too much (I watch a lot of ted talks haha) and sometimes it’s because I get too invested in people (I’m trying to stop). But I understand on here it can get lost in translation but know I would never say something I wouldn’t say to myself.
All in all, you just need to change your attitude towards problem solving. Giving excuses and covering up the truth to make it look pretty doesn’t inherently change your circumstance. You just ignore it until it manifests later into a bigger problem you can’t control.
For example: you fail one module, instead of just waiting until the year ends- go back and check yourself. Why did I fail? Oh yeah it was because I was going out and not prioritising my studies. Be honest with yourself. What am I going to do? I am going to make sure I establish a healthy work routine so I can balance both lives. And I am going to speak to my tutors to see what I could improve on. That’s how you get yourself out of a situation. You find solutions.
But what happens if you just ignore it? The problem continues onto your other modules, and you continue failing. You literally wasted money trying to get a degree. And no one is going to be forgiving to you. They aren’t going to allow you or give you an opportunity to try again. Places won’t hire you for jobs that require a degree. It’s a downward spiral. And this doesn’t affect no one else, they don’t care if you failed, its not them. The only person who deals with this, is YOU.