Hey sis, I’ve been in a relationship for over a year now and planning our nikkah InshaAllah
So we have little arguments sometimes and I’m someone who likes to talk it out (I’ve come a long way as I used to ignore it) and I just want a healthy relationship! But he likes to brush it under the carpet. Ofc I pick and choose which ones not to talk out as it can be annoying
We had a small argument recently as he said ‘you’re sounding desperate’. I said on the phone something like ‘oh no don’t leave’ when he was going to hang up, which was sarcastic and I’ve said before (a running joke) and now I’ve just switched off.
As in that word gets to me and I don’t feel comfortable being as affectionate and open as I was before. I’ve told him this but he’s not even trying to get it. I’ve said it again and again but I don’t feel listened to.
Im just confused because he usually doesn’t dismiss me like this but I think he’s had enough of me lol. I’ve tried to brush it under the carpet but even saying something like asking him to keep me company on a journey or a walk I can’t help but think ‘I’m doing too much’.
Am I moving mad to be feeling this way??
I’ve told him you can’t be saying that to someone you’re meant to be getting married to..
he’s amazing but I’m very much sensitive to some things. Trying not to be so sensitive but this hasn’t helped!
He may not intend it to be, but refusing to discuss issues invalidates your thoughts and feelings. Every couple has to work through their shit and it doesn’t mean it’ll be this big fight. If he can’t do that than he’s not capable of a healthy relationship. He has probably never experienced a constructive, non-critical conversation about emotional issues before, but I would extend grace because these are the things you learn as a couple along the way.
I also say a lot on here, its not every hill you must die on. Pick your battles wisely and choose what hill is worth fighting over. Because then you’ll just be fighting everyday. And I feel like for a lot of us girls, that’s really our go-to: to nag and to argue. Its not at all constructive and just creates this constant hostile environment. However, what I will say is not matter how strong a person is, hearing ‘you’re sounding desperate’ would cut deep regardless. Tell him about himself and let him know that in no way shape or form should he say that to you.
All couples argue but my advice would be to approach it as two of you against the problem rather than against each other. This is KEY. Then you both switch to actively looking for a solution to whatever situation rather attacking each other. Usually anyway its really our ego that stops us from approaching the problem together. Most people want a win/lose outcome. Most people want a win so that they can add another tally to their “wins” in hope for leverage in a relationship. It’s very toxic.
Also don’t hold arguments against each other, you can’t be resentful because of an issue that’s been solved. You are not growing if you keep doing that. People are going to make mistakes and your husband to be will make plenty. So will you. You can’t not talk to him because of an argument, that’s so unhealthy.
Anon
3 years ago
I want to just say I love this safe space where everyone can just vent ! May Allah swt bless you endlessly both in this dunya and the hereafter ❤️ This has become part of my daily routine where I do my face mask & while I wait for it I just read these .
Yes!! This makes me so happy 🙂 Thanks for allowing us to be apart of your routine xxx
Anon
3 years ago
Hi sis I am a 24 year old and I have never really been in a relationship because I have commitment issues. I don’t know what to do with my issues but whenever I talk to a guy I either get bored or I see one red flag and I’m gone🤣🤣 people tell me I need to go to therapy but can’t lie maybe I do but Cba with all of that. From several people I have been told I move like mandem but I just want the best too but the only thing that I struggle with is committing to someone. And shockingly enough people live there lives with their other half for their whole lives🤯 but idk what do you think I should do ?? I don’t know what to do because I kinda want someone to settle with but committing scares me 😅😅😅
It is totally understandable to have fears of commitment. Maybe you have been let down by someone to whom you were very attached in the past and this translates into wanting to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
However, being too much focused on your own fear of potentially getting hurt in the future, will probably make you into a person that not many people want to be with. The reality is, when someone approaches you, they want you to be open to getting to know them. If you have these big walls up and refuse to commit to someone, its going to be very hard to find someone who is willing to break down those walls from Day 1. Especially when they’re met with constant emotional unavailability from your side.
The reality is as so point you need to just do it and see where it takes you. When you continuously stop yourself from growing and moving forward all you do is just hold yourself back. And you’ll be the last one left at the party whilst everyone else has conquered those fears.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls,
I want to go on birth control however my partner is refusing. What would you suggest I do?
The reality is, if you don’t have birth control, you will get pregnant.
Are you ready to have kids?
Are you ready to be a MUM?
Do you feel like adding a baby to this equation (marriage) might complicate things? Are you guys financially ready for children?
At the end of the day, it’s your body, your choice. Do what’s best for you.
Sorry but he really doesn’t get to vehemently disagree with anything that you want to do with your reproductive system. Pregnancy is a risk and you need to think of your health. Only you should get to decide whether or not you are willing to take that risk. If the health and happiness of his wife is less important to him than he really needs to reflect on what kind of protector he thinks he is.
Also you shouldn’t keep it a secret- and you shouldn’t have to. Tell him what you are doing and he can get over it. Don’t pussy foot around the matter either, tell him straight up, “right now I have decided xyz.” – What is he going to do? Divorce you? In that case, sayonara! The last thing you want to do is end up with a pregnancy you didn’t want. It’s not fair to you or the child you will bring into this world.
Anyone reading this:
Have these conversations before you get married to someone, I can’t stress to you how important this is.
And stand up for yourself. Don’t let people guilt trip you into doing something you don’t want to do. Because if you say yes once, it will open the door for more guilt tripping and manipulation. Don’t be the passenger in your own life.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girl! I met this guy and we’ve been texting and talking on the phone. He wants to take me on a date but how do I not come across as being too eager to the man. I thought men like the chase but I’m not here for the games tbh
Someone who wants to take you out on a date as soon as you start speaking, is someone who wants to take things seriously with you. The way people think the chase works is not realistic and no one really has time for it. It longs out the getting-to-know-eachother stage so much that you eventually end up killing the spark. It doesn’t make you eager by going on a date with him, how you conduct yourself on that date might though so you might want to check yourself. Don’t talk about things like: where do you see us going, when do you want to get married etc.
But yeah go out and have fun sis
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sisters <3
so I’ve been talking to this guy for about 4/5 months now &Im not going to lie so far it’s been really good. He’s everything I want in a guy but the only problem is the communication. he normally calls all the time first or starts the conversation, however, sometimes he won’t call at all &I’m too prideful to call or message first idk why.
I spoke to him about it and he was very apologetic &that he was going through something which he explained what it was and said that he’d do better which honestly he has but he also said why don’t you ever call me first or message. idk why I have sm pride but to me if I call first I feel like i’m bothering him
If you have been talking for each other long enough, don’t expect him to always be the one that calls you first. You call him, and make it regular thing. Pride at a certain age is really childish, if you want to speak to someone, let it be known. Plus that’s the only way you’ll truly get closer. Call him first!
Anon
3 years ago
How do you let a man take care of you more , I’m so used to doing everything myself and now that men would want to do things for me it makes me so uncomfortable
You have to balance your masculine and feminine energies. For you there is an imbalance, and it’s why you can’t allow people to do things for you.
In my opinion, if you have too much of masculine energy in a relationship, you completely rid the opportunity for your male partner to provide and protect you. If you lead too much, he won’t lead. You don’t allow him to give you gifts, okay fine, he won’t get you any. Romancing you makes you feel uncomfortable, he won’t do it. And those things always set the tone for how the relationship will be like in the future.
My advice would be:
Stop leading, let someone else be in control for once.
If he wants to help you, don’t oppose to it. Instead smile and say thank you. Men always seek for positive reinforcement, whenever they do something nice for you, because it makes them feel like they did a good job.
Also get comfortable with saying what you want. There’s no shame in it. You want flowers and chocolates, ask.
Realise being independent 24/7 won’t make you happy, it’ll make you exhausted. Coming from someone who used to be like this, I honestly do not know how I was living before. Hyper-independence is not a good way to live your life. And when you finally meet someone who will take the load off of you, you’ll be happier for it.
Anon
3 years ago
Guys. Did I take the words biggest L and how can I get over this.
So a few years ago I ended something with a man that ticked all my boxes, we weren’t seriously together and we met online however I unfollowed on everywhere before anything could grow. I was young but looking back now it feels like the biggest mistake ever. What’s even worse is deep down I did that so I could pursue something with another potential. I am married to that potential now and It really isn’t working out in many ways. Makes me regret my past choices. I prayed istikharah and made dua throughout the whole process so I trust whatever happens is for the best. But how can I get over this, knowing that I may have self sabotaged.
The grass is really not always greener on the other side. This is a trick we constantly tell ourselves, thinking we will be happier with what if’s. How do you know this other man was for you? You hadn’t been talking to each other seriously so you wouldn’t know. Also you wouldn’t know if it would have worked out. Wallahi sometimes the fantasy we make up in our heads is really better than what it actually is. if you keep telling yourself that ”the grass is greener on the other side”, you will continue doing that until you are not happy with what’s in front of you.
It is so easy to just say this is not working out, but marriage is not like boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. You can’t just say its done because a few things are not working out, this goes against the whole idea of marriage.
It is a public commitment – it tells the world that you do not want, and plan on never wanting, anyone else. To get married for any other reason than love, in the expectation of staying together for ever, is to do it wrong. Fundamentally, it means you commit to each other before family, approach life as a partnership.
My brother gave me the best advice before I got married, and he had been married at such a young age. He said me and my husband should always approach life as a team. If the team isn’t working, find ways to make it work. Unless there are fundamental issues that can’t be worked out: like he has an addiction, he’s not fulfilling his role as a husband, abusive etc, then every hiccup is an opportunity to build the team. And its so true, whenever there is a calamity or we are under pressure, is when me and my husband work best. But at first, when I was a newbie into my relationship, at any turn my first resort was either to 1) self –sabotage or 2) just give up. It’s so normal to question if something is going to work, but instead of assuming its not working, go and put the work in. Give yourselves the opportunity to fix it.
Forget about whichever lawn you had and water your own. Trust me, from a few weeks on this website, you are not alone, but I also know this is just apart of the process. Marriage is never smooth sailing all the time. In this case, don’t be a fatalist. Be optimistic and work towards building your team.
Anon
3 years ago
assalamu aleikum sis
My sister is getting married soon and she wants to do it very soon because she’s about to hit her 40s and she wants kids. She found someone online and after a week of knowing him she wants to get married to him. I feel like she’s wifing him because she’s booked the hall bought her own dress and literally everything and he didn’t pay a penny. She still hasn’t met him he lives in another city outside London and he keeps saying he can’t come to see her because he has work but can on weekends… It’s been five months since he last said something like that and he delays everything. He said he will pay it alll and he comes from a rich family but I am seeing no effort and I keep telling my sister and mum to see these red flags but they’re saying no because she has no one else and needs to get married. What if he doesn’t come from a rich da and he doesn’t pay her back? What if he’s a catfish? She already booked her wedding and honeymoon for him and her… what shall I do if her heart is broken??? I know I’m going to suffer in the end if he leaves her or she’s a single mother because I know men that are lazy like that are the worst.
Nothing you can do is going to change her mind. Sometimes people are really hellbent on being blind and the only way they’ll learn is the hard way. Your sister is probably going through a lot herself. She’s reaching that age where if she genuinely wants kids, she needs to have them now. Me nor you will know what that pressure is like. I think thats what it really is, she wants to be a Mother. If it’s that reason, I honestly think there is nothing you can do that would change her mind. No amount of words will ease her fear of not being a Mother because of lack of opportunity.
Hold her hand and support her regardless
Anon
3 years ago
I have a bit of a dilemma here. I met someone online, hes unusual and dishonest about many things that I completely have no trust in him. In my prayers I ask Allah to remove him if he’s not for me, if he is a bad person directly after I do this he keeps popping up more and more directly after I make the duas. He is not religious as I am and I’m scared It will go into haram because I have fell into haram in my past, and we have some chemistry. I want someone who has better Islamic knowledge than me. I think he’s unserious because he told me he does like me but there is so much confusion. He never told me what he likes about me as well so I reckon it’s only physical attraction. I don’t want a superficial type of relationship without emotional getting to know one another. Also puts zero effort into speaking to me however he treats me well, bought me roses and a really nice gift for my birthday and New Years. I’m a bit young around 19 so I lack experience on how to handle these types of mini situations so what shall I do…. My younger sister who is 18 got married before me and I feel like there is so much pressure on me so I don’t want to let this potential go so shall I keep speaking to him? What to do? As a girl I need reassurance and honesty and this guy doesn’t get it at all!
1) Dishonest
2) Zero effort into speaking to you (that’s a big one)
3) And he’s not really religious
Girl you are 19, if I had married the boy I spoke to at 19 I’d have probably ended up in debt, divorced with 2 kids. The point is, you do not make the right choices regarding boys at that age. You are far too young. You have all your life to worry about marriage, it ain’t going no where. Why would you want to get married at 19? There is so much life to be lived. Also stop comparing yourself to your sister, that was written for her. Your time will come. The last thing you should do though is force getting married to someone who doesn’t even make an effort to speak to you, and someone you don’t trust. Do you think that’ll change when you get married? Every problem you see now will multiply when you get married.
There is more to life than marriage. Also because you want to settle down so much, subconsciously you’re ignoring all the red flags. Just because he buys you flowers doesn’t mean he’s treating you right. No amount of flowers are going to make you trust him.
Hey sis, I’ve been in a relationship for over a year now and planning our nikkah InshaAllah
So we have little arguments sometimes and I’m someone who likes to talk it out (I’ve come a long way as I used to ignore it) and I just want a healthy relationship! But he likes to brush it under the carpet. Ofc I pick and choose which ones not to talk out as it can be annoying
We had a small argument recently as he said ‘you’re sounding desperate’. I said on the phone something like ‘oh no don’t leave’ when he was going to hang up, which was sarcastic and I’ve said before (a running joke) and now I’ve just switched off.
As in that word gets to me and I don’t feel comfortable being as affectionate and open as I was before. I’ve told him this but he’s not even trying to get it. I’ve said it again and again but I don’t feel listened to.
Im just confused because he usually doesn’t dismiss me like this but I think he’s had enough of me lol. I’ve tried to brush it under the carpet but even saying something like asking him to keep me company on a journey or a walk I can’t help but think ‘I’m doing too much’.
Am I moving mad to be feeling this way??
I’ve told him you can’t be saying that to someone you’re meant to be getting married to..
he’s amazing but I’m very much sensitive to some things. Trying not to be so sensitive but this hasn’t helped!
He may not intend it to be, but refusing to discuss issues invalidates your thoughts and feelings. Every couple has to work through their shit and it doesn’t mean it’ll be this big fight. If he can’t do that than he’s not capable of a healthy relationship. He has probably never experienced a constructive, non-critical conversation about emotional issues before, but I would extend grace because these are the things you learn as a couple along the way.
I also say a lot on here, its not every hill you must die on. Pick your battles wisely and choose what hill is worth fighting over. Because then you’ll just be fighting everyday. And I feel like for a lot of us girls, that’s really our go-to: to nag and to argue. Its not at all constructive and just creates this constant hostile environment. However, what I will say is not matter how strong a person is, hearing ‘you’re sounding desperate’ would cut deep regardless. Tell him about himself and let him know that in no way shape or form should he say that to you.
All couples argue but my advice would be to approach it as two of you against the problem rather than against each other. This is KEY. Then you both switch to actively looking for a solution to whatever situation rather attacking each other. Usually anyway its really our ego that stops us from approaching the problem together. Most people want a win/lose outcome. Most people want a win so that they can add another tally to their “wins” in hope for leverage in a relationship. It’s very toxic.
Also don’t hold arguments against each other, you can’t be resentful because of an issue that’s been solved. You are not growing if you keep doing that. People are going to make mistakes and your husband to be will make plenty. So will you. You can’t not talk to him because of an argument, that’s so unhealthy.
I want to just say I love this safe space where everyone can just vent ! May Allah swt bless you endlessly both in this dunya and the hereafter ❤️ This has become part of my daily routine where I do my face mask & while I wait for it I just read these .
Yes!! This makes me so happy 🙂 Thanks for allowing us to be apart of your routine xxx
Hi sis I am a 24 year old and I have never really been in a relationship because I have commitment issues. I don’t know what to do with my issues but whenever I talk to a guy I either get bored or I see one red flag and I’m gone🤣🤣 people tell me I need to go to therapy but can’t lie maybe I do but Cba with all of that. From several people I have been told I move like mandem but I just want the best too but the only thing that I struggle with is committing to someone. And shockingly enough people live there lives with their other half for their whole lives🤯 but idk what do you think I should do ?? I don’t know what to do because I kinda want someone to settle with but committing scares me 😅😅😅
It is totally understandable to have fears of commitment. Maybe you have been let down by someone to whom you were very attached in the past and this translates into wanting to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
However, being too much focused on your own fear of potentially getting hurt in the future, will probably make you into a person that not many people want to be with. The reality is, when someone approaches you, they want you to be open to getting to know them. If you have these big walls up and refuse to commit to someone, its going to be very hard to find someone who is willing to break down those walls from Day 1. Especially when they’re met with constant emotional unavailability from your side.
The reality is as so point you need to just do it and see where it takes you. When you continuously stop yourself from growing and moving forward all you do is just hold yourself back. And you’ll be the last one left at the party whilst everyone else has conquered those fears.
Hey girls,
I want to go on birth control however my partner is refusing. What would you suggest I do?
The reality is, if you don’t have birth control, you will get pregnant.
Are you ready to have kids?
Are you ready to be a MUM?
Do you feel like adding a baby to this equation (marriage) might complicate things? Are you guys financially ready for children?
At the end of the day, it’s your body, your choice. Do what’s best for you.
Sorry but he really doesn’t get to vehemently disagree with anything that you want to do with your reproductive system. Pregnancy is a risk and you need to think of your health. Only you should get to decide whether or not you are willing to take that risk. If the health and happiness of his wife is less important to him than he really needs to reflect on what kind of protector he thinks he is.
Also you shouldn’t keep it a secret- and you shouldn’t have to. Tell him what you are doing and he can get over it. Don’t pussy foot around the matter either, tell him straight up, “right now I have decided xyz.” – What is he going to do? Divorce you? In that case, sayonara! The last thing you want to do is end up with a pregnancy you didn’t want. It’s not fair to you or the child you will bring into this world.
Anyone reading this:
Have these conversations before you get married to someone, I can’t stress to you how important this is.
And stand up for yourself. Don’t let people guilt trip you into doing something you don’t want to do. Because if you say yes once, it will open the door for more guilt tripping and manipulation. Don’t be the passenger in your own life.
Hey girl! I met this guy and we’ve been texting and talking on the phone. He wants to take me on a date but how do I not come across as being too eager to the man. I thought men like the chase but I’m not here for the games tbh
Someone who wants to take you out on a date as soon as you start speaking, is someone who wants to take things seriously with you. The way people think the chase works is not realistic and no one really has time for it. It longs out the getting-to-know-eachother stage so much that you eventually end up killing the spark. It doesn’t make you eager by going on a date with him, how you conduct yourself on that date might though so you might want to check yourself. Don’t talk about things like: where do you see us going, when do you want to get married etc.
But yeah go out and have fun sis
Hey sisters <3
so I’ve been talking to this guy for about 4/5 months now &Im not going to lie so far it’s been really good. He’s everything I want in a guy but the only problem is the communication. he normally calls all the time first or starts the conversation, however, sometimes he won’t call at all &I’m too prideful to call or message first idk why.
I spoke to him about it and he was very apologetic &that he was going through something which he explained what it was and said that he’d do better which honestly he has but he also said why don’t you ever call me first or message. idk why I have sm pride but to me if I call first I feel like i’m bothering him
If you have been talking for each other long enough, don’t expect him to always be the one that calls you first. You call him, and make it regular thing. Pride at a certain age is really childish, if you want to speak to someone, let it be known. Plus that’s the only way you’ll truly get closer. Call him first!
How do you let a man take care of you more , I’m so used to doing everything myself and now that men would want to do things for me it makes me so uncomfortable
You have to balance your masculine and feminine energies. For you there is an imbalance, and it’s why you can’t allow people to do things for you.
In my opinion, if you have too much of masculine energy in a relationship, you completely rid the opportunity for your male partner to provide and protect you. If you lead too much, he won’t lead. You don’t allow him to give you gifts, okay fine, he won’t get you any. Romancing you makes you feel uncomfortable, he won’t do it. And those things always set the tone for how the relationship will be like in the future.
My advice would be:
Stop leading, let someone else be in control for once.
If he wants to help you, don’t oppose to it. Instead smile and say thank you. Men always seek for positive reinforcement, whenever they do something nice for you, because it makes them feel like they did a good job.
Also get comfortable with saying what you want. There’s no shame in it. You want flowers and chocolates, ask.
Realise being independent 24/7 won’t make you happy, it’ll make you exhausted. Coming from someone who used to be like this, I honestly do not know how I was living before. Hyper-independence is not a good way to live your life. And when you finally meet someone who will take the load off of you, you’ll be happier for it.
Guys. Did I take the words biggest L and how can I get over this.
So a few years ago I ended something with a man that ticked all my boxes, we weren’t seriously together and we met online however I unfollowed on everywhere before anything could grow. I was young but looking back now it feels like the biggest mistake ever. What’s even worse is deep down I did that so I could pursue something with another potential. I am married to that potential now and It really isn’t working out in many ways. Makes me regret my past choices. I prayed istikharah and made dua throughout the whole process so I trust whatever happens is for the best. But how can I get over this, knowing that I may have self sabotaged.
I don’t think that was an L.
The grass is really not always greener on the other side. This is a trick we constantly tell ourselves, thinking we will be happier with what if’s. How do you know this other man was for you? You hadn’t been talking to each other seriously so you wouldn’t know. Also you wouldn’t know if it would have worked out. Wallahi sometimes the fantasy we make up in our heads is really better than what it actually is. if you keep telling yourself that ”the grass is greener on the other side”, you will continue doing that until you are not happy with what’s in front of you.
It is so easy to just say this is not working out, but marriage is not like boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. You can’t just say its done because a few things are not working out, this goes against the whole idea of marriage.
It is a public commitment – it tells the world that you do not want, and plan on never wanting, anyone else. To get married for any other reason than love, in the expectation of staying together for ever, is to do it wrong. Fundamentally, it means you commit to each other before family, approach life as a partnership.
My brother gave me the best advice before I got married, and he had been married at such a young age. He said me and my husband should always approach life as a team. If the team isn’t working, find ways to make it work. Unless there are fundamental issues that can’t be worked out: like he has an addiction, he’s not fulfilling his role as a husband, abusive etc, then every hiccup is an opportunity to build the team. And its so true, whenever there is a calamity or we are under pressure, is when me and my husband work best. But at first, when I was a newbie into my relationship, at any turn my first resort was either to 1) self –sabotage or 2) just give up. It’s so normal to question if something is going to work, but instead of assuming its not working, go and put the work in. Give yourselves the opportunity to fix it.
Forget about whichever lawn you had and water your own. Trust me, from a few weeks on this website, you are not alone, but I also know this is just apart of the process. Marriage is never smooth sailing all the time. In this case, don’t be a fatalist. Be optimistic and work towards building your team.
assalamu aleikum sis
My sister is getting married soon and she wants to do it very soon because she’s about to hit her 40s and she wants kids. She found someone online and after a week of knowing him she wants to get married to him. I feel like she’s wifing him because she’s booked the hall bought her own dress and literally everything and he didn’t pay a penny. She still hasn’t met him he lives in another city outside London and he keeps saying he can’t come to see her because he has work but can on weekends… It’s been five months since he last said something like that and he delays everything. He said he will pay it alll and he comes from a rich family but I am seeing no effort and I keep telling my sister and mum to see these red flags but they’re saying no because she has no one else and needs to get married. What if he doesn’t come from a rich da and he doesn’t pay her back? What if he’s a catfish? She already booked her wedding and honeymoon for him and her… what shall I do if her heart is broken??? I know I’m going to suffer in the end if he leaves her or she’s a single mother because I know men that are lazy like that are the worst.
Just be there for your sister.
Nothing you can do is going to change her mind. Sometimes people are really hellbent on being blind and the only way they’ll learn is the hard way. Your sister is probably going through a lot herself. She’s reaching that age where if she genuinely wants kids, she needs to have them now. Me nor you will know what that pressure is like. I think thats what it really is, she wants to be a Mother. If it’s that reason, I honestly think there is nothing you can do that would change her mind. No amount of words will ease her fear of not being a Mother because of lack of opportunity.
Hold her hand and support her regardless
I have a bit of a dilemma here. I met someone online, hes unusual and dishonest about many things that I completely have no trust in him. In my prayers I ask Allah to remove him if he’s not for me, if he is a bad person directly after I do this he keeps popping up more and more directly after I make the duas. He is not religious as I am and I’m scared It will go into haram because I have fell into haram in my past, and we have some chemistry. I want someone who has better Islamic knowledge than me. I think he’s unserious because he told me he does like me but there is so much confusion. He never told me what he likes about me as well so I reckon it’s only physical attraction. I don’t want a superficial type of relationship without emotional getting to know one another. Also puts zero effort into speaking to me however he treats me well, bought me roses and a really nice gift for my birthday and New Years. I’m a bit young around 19 so I lack experience on how to handle these types of mini situations so what shall I do…. My younger sister who is 18 got married before me and I feel like there is so much pressure on me so I don’t want to let this potential go so shall I keep speaking to him? What to do? As a girl I need reassurance and honesty and this guy doesn’t get it at all!
How can he treat you well if he is:
1) Dishonest
2) Zero effort into speaking to you (that’s a big one)
3) And he’s not really religious
Girl you are 19, if I had married the boy I spoke to at 19 I’d have probably ended up in debt, divorced with 2 kids. The point is, you do not make the right choices regarding boys at that age. You are far too young. You have all your life to worry about marriage, it ain’t going no where. Why would you want to get married at 19? There is so much life to be lived. Also stop comparing yourself to your sister, that was written for her. Your time will come. The last thing you should do though is force getting married to someone who doesn’t even make an effort to speak to you, and someone you don’t trust. Do you think that’ll change when you get married? Every problem you see now will multiply when you get married.
There is more to life than marriage. Also because you want to settle down so much, subconsciously you’re ignoring all the red flags. Just because he buys you flowers doesn’t mean he’s treating you right. No amount of flowers are going to make you trust him.