Realistically 5k should be the bare minimum, because you never know if something might happen during the marriage so you want to be safe. Anything could happen: your car might break down, you need to move somewhere else, you might have fines etc. Also rent is a big thing, you’d be surprised how rent doesn’t actually cover costs like council tax, gas and water bills.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi darlings ♥️♥️
Honestly love your page, I’m on here all the time reading and your responses are all on point. May Allah swt continue to bless and protect you both because the wisdom you both share truly surpasses everyone’s expectations of an older sister ♥️
I just wanted to touch on a topic I saw on here 3 days ago. There was a girl asking how she could bring up the topic of getting tested for STD’s before marriage. I agree with your statement that we have a culture where casual sex is prohibited however, the issue is that a good number of people do not abide by it. We live in a time where the pressure to have sex is real especially in western countries and even in countries where you least expect it. This goes for both of women and men. If both parties have been celibate then there is no reason to but if that isn’t the case and there are concerns then go for it. I personally don’t see an issue if someone wants to get tested or wants to address getting tested before marriage given the fact that marriage is a huge commitment in itself. The goal is to be healthy and happy together. The way they should go about it should be putting time aside to get tested together and it will help give both of them peace of mind. Having those open and honest discussions truly is the key. There should not be any judgement towards one another given the fact that we all will answer to Allah swt for the things we have done but being transparent with your partner will help alleviate any concerns you may have. If getting tested is something you want to do then you have to transparent. I personally got tested with my husband before we got married simply because I knew of his past and he knew of mine but we wanted to be safe and Alhamdulilah everything was fine.
Having sex with 1 non marital partner does not mean that person could have been 100% loyal to you and only you. The common misconception is that someone who had multiple partners should get tested but honestly it applies to everyone. Some women and men have been pressured to not practice safe sex after X amount of time with their significant other and in doing so there is no 100% guarantee that any of them could be safe and healthy. So please everyone reading this, please and please be safe. Your health is wealth !!!
Awww thank you, ameen ameen! Thank you so much my love
And someone not long ago said a similar thing to you and I mean it really does depend on how a person might take it. Me though, ngl we have to scrap if you are asking that from me LMAO
Anon
3 years ago
Hiii I’m loving this page so much, may Allah reward your efforts! I’m the eldest in my family and have always been the person who pretty much made life decisions to please my parents and also to be the best role model for my younger siblings. I have cut off many friends over the past years due to prioritising family and spending so much of time with them. Since the pandemic my mental health has been declining A LOT as past family trauma has resurfaced that I thought I completely forgot about. And to make matters worse I learned that during this time that whenever I put myself first I was seen as the selfish one and that I have never done enough for them. I’m beyond hurt and need space to heal and recover mentally so I decided to move out of home. Of course my parents weren’t having it since I am a girl and not married. . I have everything ready in place and moving out in 3 months but guilt keeps eating me up. This is the first “selfish” thing I have done. My closest friend keeps pushing me to do it even if they are upset as she says they will get over it. My question is if you were in my situation what would you do?
The fact you can even move out is a blessing in itself, not many people can afford an escape from their toxic environment so they have to suffer through it instead. Do it. Do what’s best for you and you’ll be happier for it.
Sometimes family can really guilt trip you into never progressing in life and constantly keep you surrounded by people who just take take from you. At the end of the day, you’re still their daughter whether you move out or not. They will get over it at some point.
Be selfish sis
Anon
3 years ago
With the STD test question, I don’t actually think it’s a crazy ask. I know of girls and guys alike that have had pasts that they conceal and keep private when it comes to their marriage – which is also understandable. It doesn’t take away anything from their relationship if the conversation is handled in a mature and delicate manner if it’s a genuine concern or fear. It could just be anxiety leading up to the wedding, but I don’t think it’s a wild concern to have given our day and age.
Fair enough this is an interesting perspective. It depends on maturity I guess
Anon
3 years ago
Heyyyyy.
So basically I just want to know if what I’m doing is wrong or not 😭
I’m in a long term (ish) relationship and every time my boyfriend isn’t really acting right I just get what I need from somewhere else?
Like for example, I asked him for something and he couldn’t give it to me so I just got it from another man?
Ik it sounds bad and I really do love him but at the same time we’re not married so I feel like there’s no reason for me to have to put up with less than what I want.
And yeah if he did the same I would probably not like it but then again I’m a really great girl to him.
Obviously once we get married I’ll stop and cut everyone off but I feel like anything can happen so I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket completely forever you know?
Would you recommend to continue dating if you’re not married but still have something serious with someone?
You’re not married so you can do what you want. I would have probably done the same thing too.
However what I will say is you will hinder yourself from growing in this relationship, because any time there is an issue, instead of communicating you’ll just run off somewhere with someone else.
Also if it just material things thats making you talk to other people maybe your love language is gifts/gifting, so try to talk about that to your man?
Anon
3 years ago
Do you believe men and woman can be friends. I don’t believe in that. Majority of men I met especially somali community. They are dead set on having a girl friend or girl best friend. What’s your opinions on this ? Would you consider a guy who has a girl bestfriend for marriage.
It’s like ‘it is what it is’ mentality, there is nothing one can do so instead of harping on about it and ruin your day, charge it to the game and forget about it
Anon
3 years ago
I’m dating this guy he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a life partner. I’m someone that doesn’t let people in often and I’ve opened up to him. I also feel comfortable to be my true self with him. But I feel like there’s some deep rooted childhood trauma I haven’t dealt with and honestly I haven’t told anyone. It’s nothing that affects me day to day life but sometimes I think about it & I feel like it’s made me into the person I am. So because I’ve built a relationship where there’s so much honesty, I want to share what’s happened to me. But that scares me, I know he would be kind and understanding but would he find it too intense to deal with a girl that’s been physically abused as a child ? Obv We’re not married but I do have this genuine connection with him that I feel like I could open up to him. But I’m also a realist and a guy could leave tomorrow & ur friends/family are there for life… so why is he the first person that’s made me think to open up about this to. I guess what I’m asking is do you think It’s a good idea to reveal this to him. I’ve also thought about the therapy route but I find that so daunting
If you guys are with each other long enough, and you have spoken about marriage, be vulnerable with him. I think the best thing I’ve ever done is allow myself to be vulnerable and share those dark moments with my husband. We got so close because of it and he protects me like nothing else. Me doing that gave him the opportunity to show me who he really is and how much he will go above and beyond to keep me safe. I know its scary to share those things and believe me I understand. I wasn’t even the type to tell my friends, my problems were MINE and my own. But its not healthy to keep it all in and eventually your partner is going to see it anyway because traumas have a way of manifesting in your adult life anyway. So you sharing this with him will at least help him understand and be there for you.
I would also look into therapy too, it helps so much.
Anon
3 years ago
Girl you don’t need to answer this as Ik this is for advice and dilemmas I just wanted to say Allahumma barik to your marriage x100 May Allah keep you guys happy forever and protect you from evil eye Ameen.
Awww thank you so much for your kind words! Ameen ameen
Anon
3 years ago
Hi guys,
So I’m a guy, and the issue I’m facing is that I tend to completely push away any woman that shows interest in me explicitly or not , simply because I’m currently unable to be the man I hope to be, this is because of financial responsibilities that have left me skint(very very very skint but I’m not mad), it’ll sort itself out and I’ll be free soon so I’m not stressed BUT anytime I find myself talking to these great great women I always feel like crap telling them I simply can’t settle down due to finances, what’s the best way of phrasing it because I feel like I’ve never let anyone down nicely.
You’ll never be 100% ready for marriage, and also, no one expects you to get married tomorrow.
You are honestly doing yourself a disservice when you push away these great potentials. Wallahi so many times I’ve heard stories of men letting the one go away because they rejected them on the basis that they weren’t ready. Don’t be one of those guys.
Also sometimes it takes meeting a person to get your finances in order, because subconsciously you start thinking of the future and what it will take for you to get there- so you end up working towards it.
So I’m not going to tell you how to let them down gently, because this is not beneficial for you at all. It’s a defence mechanism and enabling it is not going to help you. Relax, you do not need to get married now. Get to know people and work on your finances on the way. Like you said, your finances will recover. However I’m not quite sure those women will be waiting for you when you do (which is what a lot of guys think haha). Women don’t sit around forever
In your honest opinion how much would you say a guy needed in savings before getting married ?
Realistically 5k should be the bare minimum, because you never know if something might happen during the marriage so you want to be safe. Anything could happen: your car might break down, you need to move somewhere else, you might have fines etc. Also rent is a big thing, you’d be surprised how rent doesn’t actually cover costs like council tax, gas and water bills.
Hi darlings ♥️♥️
Honestly love your page, I’m on here all the time reading and your responses are all on point. May Allah swt continue to bless and protect you both because the wisdom you both share truly surpasses everyone’s expectations of an older sister ♥️
I just wanted to touch on a topic I saw on here 3 days ago. There was a girl asking how she could bring up the topic of getting tested for STD’s before marriage. I agree with your statement that we have a culture where casual sex is prohibited however, the issue is that a good number of people do not abide by it. We live in a time where the pressure to have sex is real especially in western countries and even in countries where you least expect it. This goes for both of women and men. If both parties have been celibate then there is no reason to but if that isn’t the case and there are concerns then go for it. I personally don’t see an issue if someone wants to get tested or wants to address getting tested before marriage given the fact that marriage is a huge commitment in itself. The goal is to be healthy and happy together. The way they should go about it should be putting time aside to get tested together and it will help give both of them peace of mind. Having those open and honest discussions truly is the key. There should not be any judgement towards one another given the fact that we all will answer to Allah swt for the things we have done but being transparent with your partner will help alleviate any concerns you may have. If getting tested is something you want to do then you have to transparent. I personally got tested with my husband before we got married simply because I knew of his past and he knew of mine but we wanted to be safe and Alhamdulilah everything was fine.
Having sex with 1 non marital partner does not mean that person could have been 100% loyal to you and only you. The common misconception is that someone who had multiple partners should get tested but honestly it applies to everyone. Some women and men have been pressured to not practice safe sex after X amount of time with their significant other and in doing so there is no 100% guarantee that any of them could be safe and healthy. So please everyone reading this, please and please be safe. Your health is wealth !!!
Awww thank you, ameen ameen! Thank you so much my love
And someone not long ago said a similar thing to you and I mean it really does depend on how a person might take it. Me though, ngl we have to scrap if you are asking that from me LMAO
Hiii I’m loving this page so much, may Allah reward your efforts! I’m the eldest in my family and have always been the person who pretty much made life decisions to please my parents and also to be the best role model for my younger siblings. I have cut off many friends over the past years due to prioritising family and spending so much of time with them. Since the pandemic my mental health has been declining A LOT as past family trauma has resurfaced that I thought I completely forgot about. And to make matters worse I learned that during this time that whenever I put myself first I was seen as the selfish one and that I have never done enough for them. I’m beyond hurt and need space to heal and recover mentally so I decided to move out of home. Of course my parents weren’t having it since I am a girl and not married. . I have everything ready in place and moving out in 3 months but guilt keeps eating me up. This is the first “selfish” thing I have done. My closest friend keeps pushing me to do it even if they are upset as she says they will get over it. My question is if you were in my situation what would you do?
The fact you can even move out is a blessing in itself, not many people can afford an escape from their toxic environment so they have to suffer through it instead. Do it. Do what’s best for you and you’ll be happier for it.
Sometimes family can really guilt trip you into never progressing in life and constantly keep you surrounded by people who just take take from you. At the end of the day, you’re still their daughter whether you move out or not. They will get over it at some point.
Be selfish sis
With the STD test question, I don’t actually think it’s a crazy ask. I know of girls and guys alike that have had pasts that they conceal and keep private when it comes to their marriage – which is also understandable. It doesn’t take away anything from their relationship if the conversation is handled in a mature and delicate manner if it’s a genuine concern or fear. It could just be anxiety leading up to the wedding, but I don’t think it’s a wild concern to have given our day and age.
Fair enough this is an interesting perspective. It depends on maturity I guess
Heyyyyy.
So basically I just want to know if what I’m doing is wrong or not 😭
I’m in a long term (ish) relationship and every time my boyfriend isn’t really acting right I just get what I need from somewhere else?
Like for example, I asked him for something and he couldn’t give it to me so I just got it from another man?
Ik it sounds bad and I really do love him but at the same time we’re not married so I feel like there’s no reason for me to have to put up with less than what I want.
And yeah if he did the same I would probably not like it but then again I’m a really great girl to him.
Obviously once we get married I’ll stop and cut everyone off but I feel like anything can happen so I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket completely forever you know?
Would you recommend to continue dating if you’re not married but still have something serious with someone?
You’re not married so you can do what you want. I would have probably done the same thing too.
However what I will say is you will hinder yourself from growing in this relationship, because any time there is an issue, instead of communicating you’ll just run off somewhere with someone else.
Also if it just material things thats making you talk to other people maybe your love language is gifts/gifting, so try to talk about that to your man?
Do you believe men and woman can be friends. I don’t believe in that. Majority of men I met especially somali community. They are dead set on having a girl friend or girl best friend. What’s your opinions on this ? Would you consider a guy who has a girl bestfriend for marriage.
https://thesisterguide.com/#comment-906
Yeah I said it but Imma say it again: NO!
In no way shape or form would I consider even talking to a guy who has a girl best friend. Sorry, what is that? That is so unserious
What does ‘charge it to the game’ mean?
It’s like ‘it is what it is’ mentality, there is nothing one can do so instead of harping on about it and ruin your day, charge it to the game and forget about it
I’m dating this guy he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a life partner. I’m someone that doesn’t let people in often and I’ve opened up to him. I also feel comfortable to be my true self with him. But I feel like there’s some deep rooted childhood trauma I haven’t dealt with and honestly I haven’t told anyone. It’s nothing that affects me day to day life but sometimes I think about it & I feel like it’s made me into the person I am. So because I’ve built a relationship where there’s so much honesty, I want to share what’s happened to me. But that scares me, I know he would be kind and understanding but would he find it too intense to deal with a girl that’s been physically abused as a child ? Obv We’re not married but I do have this genuine connection with him that I feel like I could open up to him. But I’m also a realist and a guy could leave tomorrow & ur friends/family are there for life… so why is he the first person that’s made me think to open up about this to. I guess what I’m asking is do you think It’s a good idea to reveal this to him. I’ve also thought about the therapy route but I find that so daunting
If you guys are with each other long enough, and you have spoken about marriage, be vulnerable with him. I think the best thing I’ve ever done is allow myself to be vulnerable and share those dark moments with my husband. We got so close because of it and he protects me like nothing else. Me doing that gave him the opportunity to show me who he really is and how much he will go above and beyond to keep me safe. I know its scary to share those things and believe me I understand. I wasn’t even the type to tell my friends, my problems were MINE and my own. But its not healthy to keep it all in and eventually your partner is going to see it anyway because traumas have a way of manifesting in your adult life anyway. So you sharing this with him will at least help him understand and be there for you.
I would also look into therapy too, it helps so much.
Girl you don’t need to answer this as Ik this is for advice and dilemmas I just wanted to say Allahumma barik to your marriage x100 May Allah keep you guys happy forever and protect you from evil eye Ameen.
Awww thank you so much for your kind words! Ameen ameen
Hi guys,
So I’m a guy, and the issue I’m facing is that I tend to completely push away any woman that shows interest in me explicitly or not , simply because I’m currently unable to be the man I hope to be, this is because of financial responsibilities that have left me skint(very very very skint but I’m not mad), it’ll sort itself out and I’ll be free soon so I’m not stressed BUT anytime I find myself talking to these great great women I always feel like crap telling them I simply can’t settle down due to finances, what’s the best way of phrasing it because I feel like I’ve never let anyone down nicely.
You’ll never be 100% ready for marriage, and also, no one expects you to get married tomorrow.
You are honestly doing yourself a disservice when you push away these great potentials. Wallahi so many times I’ve heard stories of men letting the one go away because they rejected them on the basis that they weren’t ready. Don’t be one of those guys.
Also sometimes it takes meeting a person to get your finances in order, because subconsciously you start thinking of the future and what it will take for you to get there- so you end up working towards it.
So I’m not going to tell you how to let them down gently, because this is not beneficial for you at all. It’s a defence mechanism and enabling it is not going to help you. Relax, you do not need to get married now. Get to know people and work on your finances on the way. Like you said, your finances will recover. However I’m not quite sure those women will be waiting for you when you do (which is what a lot of guys think haha). Women don’t sit around forever