Hey love, Masha’allah this platform is amazing and so heartwarming. I’ve learned so much in a matter of DAYS!!! Thank you for everything you do and may Allah continue to reward you! I was wondering if you can include another page where a topic can be discussed and individuals can respond with their own experiences. For example, like horror first dates, friendship breakups etc I thought I would share this & I love this page to death!
Genuinely asking, why would you want to tell him? Poor thing you’re so scared but in my head I’m like why? You literally don’t have to tell him. Is it because you’ll think he’ll notice?
Anon
3 years ago
i’m 5’5 and the guy i’ve been speaking to for 9 months is 5’7. Everything about him is great, he’s a cool guy but the height really turns me off. i try to not be shallow, to over look it but it really does kill the romance and feeling protected by your partner. It’s embarrassing being out in public sometimes.
Would this be a dumb reason to end the relationship or should i just get over it?
If you’re ashamed to be seen outside in public with him, then why are you guys together? You’ve answered your own question. Its either you accept him for what he is or leave. His height is something you literally cannot change. So you get with it or you don’t
Anon
3 years ago
Salaams,
I (23) have been dating a 29 year old guy for 4ish months and there’s 1 issue. He otherwise has his life together and has a tech job where I found out he makes 500k yr. That number is accurate, I just can’t say how I know because it would be too specific. I’m having a hard time getting over how traditional his family plans are.
He recently expressed that he wants to have a big family where I would be only taking care of the home and kids. I’ve always planned to dedicate myself to my marketing career and contribute to part of the expenses. I feel like with my skills I have the potential to be an executive one day.
When I mentioned the word partner he cut me off and said no I’m looking for a wife not a partner. He’s fine with me having a business but I feel with the way he was talking dismissively that he doesn’t really value a career woman in his life.
Am I wrong for thinking this is a red flag? I feel uncomfortable with the power imbalance but I don’t want to actually say that.
One one hand, I just feel really confused about why I’m having doubts. It just feels like he didn’t even consider my own goals and ambitions. On the other hand, I know for sure that I don’t want to be a house wife for anyone. I want to make use of my degree. Plus no way I want to live with his elderly mom.
Should I just move on from this potential and talk to other guys?
Plenty of women are willing to do that provided their husband’s make enough money.
Making that kind of money usually comes with stress, and working more than 40 hours a week, so I can’t even blame him for wanting a housewife. He probably works so hard that he needs someone to remind him of the family, and usually that is the wife. I honestly don’t think it’s about a power imbalance, why is he working so hard if he can’t provide for his family? Like you said, he wants a super big family, so both parents realistically can’t work. And it isn’t wild either to expect you to work. In fact, you should kind of be proud of him because he can actually do that for you. Not many men out there can.
You guys are not married yet, so build your career and your cv whilst you’re dating. It’s even better that he’s okay with you having a business, you might actually make more money that way. No one expects you guys to get married tomorrow, focus now on whatever it is you want to do, and see where the relationship takes you.
I will say though personally after having my own discussions with my husband, he knows I want to establish myself first before I start being a Housewife and a Mother. That was a conversation we even had wayyyy before considering marriage. And he understood completely. I have my own ambitions and although his career is set in stone, I need to establish myself first. And that’s something I would advise all girls before having children. I know at some point I’m gonna want to throwing the towel and not work at all, but at least I’ll have something to fall back on. Because as a woman, you will need that. Trust me.
It’s okay to feel a little behind, because you see him who is so established and you’re like well I want to get there too. You absolutely can, and I honestly think the only reason why he is so firm about this is because he probably hates working that hard. He doesn’t want his partner to go down that route, especially if they literally don’t have to. I would say keep getting to know him. Who knows, maybe his opinions might change.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi girls,
I recently wanted to start dating and have found it very difficult as I wanted it to happen naturally. My friends told me to go on Muslim dating sites but I’m a bit sceptical about it and in no offence ever thought I would have even thought about. I tried to ask my parents for help but they recommend either my cousins or guys that can’t speak English ( which is a big deal breaker for me even though I speak Somali). I was wondering Should I give the online dating thing a chance? Even though I’m scared of being caught in there by family
Go for online dating, you have nothing to lose. Try it out, you might find potentials you like, or you might not. Tbh I’ve met a lot (and I mean A LOT) of couples who met on match making sites and they all are happily married. So try it out, if you see that its a waste of time, you can stop. It will depend on a lot of stuff whether you meet someone or not, so keep that in mind
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis. Love this page and all these dilemmas. Amazing. Not a dilemma myself. But how many questions do you get a day. Very curious
Thank you girl. And this is how it goes, I’ll answers 15 questions and then by the time I’m done, I’ll have 20 more coming in. Right now theres like 128 to get through, you can probably tell when you see dilemmas and underneath it’ll say sent 2-3 days ago but I’m only answering now. That’s why I say to keep a date of when you send in dilemmas and thats how you can see the timeline of when me or Ladan will get to it. It’s a lot but wallahi I’m actually enjoying this so much. I feel like we have a little community of girls in here. Its nice
Anon
3 years ago
Hii, I was just scrolling on Twitter and I found this page & I think I’m pretty lucky because it’s so interesting! Anyways, my question is how to approach a guy that is also Muslim, through DM? There’s this guy that I had a uni class with 2 years ago & I never spoke to him. I followed him on Instagram and we’ve been following each other for about 6 months now. I’m not the type to usually message a guy if I’ve never spoken to them in person at least, but I don’t know I get a feeling that maybe he could be my future husband?? Or maybe I’m just jumping to conclusions lol. Either way, I know it’s not the best thing to do but how should I DM him because I really want to get to know him. Thank you 🙂
Jumping to conclusions, you do not know this man so stop thinking he is your future husband. Because you’ll gas yourself up so much, you’ll end up putting so much pressure that it won’t even work out.
Start interacting with him, laughing at his stories. You’ll see by his reaction if he’s here for it.
Anon
3 years ago
Salam sisters,
I’ve been seeing this guy for apx 7 months. He’s charming, sweet and pretty much a girl could ask for. He treats me well. He just finished up uni and got a job last year, so he is pretty stable. My concern is he hasnt introduce himself to any of my friends and he hasn’t even told his friends/ family about me. I feel like its an important step…are we a secret? Are you embarrassed of me? Like honestly im just baffled. I brought it up to him a couple of times but he seemed bothered by it so I haven’t said anything again. He keeps telling me he wants to marry me but he hasn’t done anything to prove it. He tells me that we’ll be married after ramdhan and that’s literally right around the corner. I feel like he’s telling me this to get me to shut up because his actions aren’t matching his words.
Am i over analyzing this?
At first I was reading this thinking hmmmm not that deep but it was until you said he wanted to get married after Ramadan. Now I’m like huh?
Oh he is definitely talking out of his ass. How can he marry you if his family and friends don’t even know you exist?
But the biggest thing is there are lots of possible reasons, but you should definitely talk to him about it. If he refuses to talk about it, don’t entertain him. He needs to learn how to communicate otherwise there will be no communication at all. He needs to learn how to reassure you and he shouldn’t be keeping you a secret.
Also, be very weary of what this guy tells you. He seems to just talk for the sake of talking without making moves behind it.
Anon
3 years ago
Been talking to this guy for more than a year and honestly he is perfect for me and literally my best friend and we want to get married but his dad told him he could never marry me because of my qabil. Now he is constantly fighting with his dad and I don’t want him to have problems with his dad because of me and I can see how much it is hurting him.
What should I do ? Just end it because I don’t want to forever deal with his dad hating me.
If his family are a qabilist, you might want to rethink marrying him. Why? Because this family will never accept you and deep down will call you things behind your back. The fact he has to even fight with his dad about this is wild to me. These lot are qabilist QABILIST
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls! Thank you so much for the taking the time to make a space for us honestly!
sooo I went back home last summer and I met this guy from America when I was there. Like he was soo different to anyone I’ve ever met but I’m from the UK so I knew distance was always going to be an issue so I decided not to get too attached and just treat him like my ‘summer bae’. But now we’ve been talking for 6 months and I’ve caught feelings. I just feel like he’s so different to these London niggas. Like he’s always delivering gifts to my house, he sends me money spontaneously, he makes sure to try call me every day and we are on ft for hours. He’s so funny and really nice. I don’t know how to explain it but he’s so manly. He even came down to see me two months ago. I know distance is always going to be a problem but these London niggas just don’t have the sauce like these American guys. The other issue I have is I really want to be around him. Like I want him to be my peace away from all the madness in my house and it’s hard to do that because of the time zone. Like sometimes I just want a hug from him or to go on dates. The thing is because he’s such a good guy, should I just continue talking and see where it goes or should I just cut it off because of distance?
You guys need to have a serious conversation about the practically of this relationship. Because if you guys realise this isn’t practical in the long term for both of you, its good to know now. And if you don’t, you’ll realise too much has been invested in this relationship and its going to be so hard for you to move on.
So talk about, if you guys do see a future together, what does that future look like? Can he move? Can you?
Do you guys know about how visas work, whether you’ll be able to work in that country if you were to move?
There’s a lot that really needs to be discussed and it isn’t as easy as, oh I’m just gonna pick up and leave. You gotta think about practicality and if it makes sense. Are you both financial stable, who is
earning more? Because if he is the big breadwinner, it’ll make more sense for you to move over there. But now you gotta think about what you’re gonna do if you do move. Do you have friends in the USA? Because you’re probably gonna need them especially if you’re not allowed to work.
Tackle the issue now instead of procrastinating because it’ll just be harder to come to a decision later.
Hey love, Masha’allah this platform is amazing and so heartwarming. I’ve learned so much in a matter of DAYS!!! Thank you for everything you do and may Allah continue to reward you! I was wondering if you can include another page where a topic can be discussed and individuals can respond with their own experiences. For example, like horror first dates, friendship breakups etc I thought I would share this & I love this page to death!
This is so lovely, ameen ! Thank you so much for your kind words.
And why not, me and Ladan are thinking about so many ways we could take this. Our next step is the podcast which we’re recording.
I have a very bad past and I am a female. I have repented and asked for forgiveness. However do I have to tell my fiancé that I have committed zina? I believe what I did was wrong and have a cried on prayer mats begging for forgiveness. My fiancé is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am scared to lose him.
Genuinely asking, why would you want to tell him? Poor thing you’re so scared but in my head I’m like why? You literally don’t have to tell him. Is it because you’ll think he’ll notice?
i’m 5’5 and the guy i’ve been speaking to for 9 months is 5’7. Everything about him is great, he’s a cool guy but the height really turns me off. i try to not be shallow, to over look it but it really does kill the romance and feeling protected by your partner. It’s embarrassing being out in public sometimes.
Would this be a dumb reason to end the relationship or should i just get over it?
If you’re ashamed to be seen outside in public with him, then why are you guys together? You’ve answered your own question. Its either you accept him for what he is or leave. His height is something you literally cannot change. So you get with it or you don’t
Salaams,
I (23) have been dating a 29 year old guy for 4ish months and there’s 1 issue. He otherwise has his life together and has a tech job where I found out he makes 500k yr. That number is accurate, I just can’t say how I know because it would be too specific. I’m having a hard time getting over how traditional his family plans are.
He recently expressed that he wants to have a big family where I would be only taking care of the home and kids. I’ve always planned to dedicate myself to my marketing career and contribute to part of the expenses. I feel like with my skills I have the potential to be an executive one day.
When I mentioned the word partner he cut me off and said no I’m looking for a wife not a partner. He’s fine with me having a business but I feel with the way he was talking dismissively that he doesn’t really value a career woman in his life.
Am I wrong for thinking this is a red flag? I feel uncomfortable with the power imbalance but I don’t want to actually say that.
One one hand, I just feel really confused about why I’m having doubts. It just feels like he didn’t even consider my own goals and ambitions. On the other hand, I know for sure that I don’t want to be a house wife for anyone. I want to make use of my degree. Plus no way I want to live with his elderly mom.
Should I just move on from this potential and talk to other guys?
Plenty of women are willing to do that provided their husband’s make enough money.
Making that kind of money usually comes with stress, and working more than 40 hours a week, so I can’t even blame him for wanting a housewife. He probably works so hard that he needs someone to remind him of the family, and usually that is the wife. I honestly don’t think it’s about a power imbalance, why is he working so hard if he can’t provide for his family? Like you said, he wants a super big family, so both parents realistically can’t work. And it isn’t wild either to expect you to work. In fact, you should kind of be proud of him because he can actually do that for you. Not many men out there can.
You guys are not married yet, so build your career and your cv whilst you’re dating. It’s even better that he’s okay with you having a business, you might actually make more money that way. No one expects you guys to get married tomorrow, focus now on whatever it is you want to do, and see where the relationship takes you.
I will say though personally after having my own discussions with my husband, he knows I want to establish myself first before I start being a Housewife and a Mother. That was a conversation we even had wayyyy before considering marriage. And he understood completely. I have my own ambitions and although his career is set in stone, I need to establish myself first. And that’s something I would advise all girls before having children. I know at some point I’m gonna want to throwing the towel and not work at all, but at least I’ll have something to fall back on. Because as a woman, you will need that. Trust me.
It’s okay to feel a little behind, because you see him who is so established and you’re like well I want to get there too. You absolutely can, and I honestly think the only reason why he is so firm about this is because he probably hates working that hard. He doesn’t want his partner to go down that route, especially if they literally don’t have to. I would say keep getting to know him. Who knows, maybe his opinions might change.
Hi girls,
I recently wanted to start dating and have found it very difficult as I wanted it to happen naturally. My friends told me to go on Muslim dating sites but I’m a bit sceptical about it and in no offence ever thought I would have even thought about. I tried to ask my parents for help but they recommend either my cousins or guys that can’t speak English ( which is a big deal breaker for me even though I speak Somali). I was wondering Should I give the online dating thing a chance? Even though I’m scared of being caught in there by family
Go for online dating, you have nothing to lose. Try it out, you might find potentials you like, or you might not. Tbh I’ve met a lot (and I mean A LOT) of couples who met on match making sites and they all are happily married. So try it out, if you see that its a waste of time, you can stop. It will depend on a lot of stuff whether you meet someone or not, so keep that in mind
Hey sis. Love this page and all these dilemmas. Amazing. Not a dilemma myself. But how many questions do you get a day. Very curious
Thank you girl. And this is how it goes, I’ll answers 15 questions and then by the time I’m done, I’ll have 20 more coming in. Right now theres like 128 to get through, you can probably tell when you see dilemmas and underneath it’ll say sent 2-3 days ago but I’m only answering now. That’s why I say to keep a date of when you send in dilemmas and thats how you can see the timeline of when me or Ladan will get to it. It’s a lot but wallahi I’m actually enjoying this so much. I feel like we have a little community of girls in here. Its nice
Hii, I was just scrolling on Twitter and I found this page & I think I’m pretty lucky because it’s so interesting! Anyways, my question is how to approach a guy that is also Muslim, through DM? There’s this guy that I had a uni class with 2 years ago & I never spoke to him. I followed him on Instagram and we’ve been following each other for about 6 months now. I’m not the type to usually message a guy if I’ve never spoken to them in person at least, but I don’t know I get a feeling that maybe he could be my future husband?? Or maybe I’m just jumping to conclusions lol. Either way, I know it’s not the best thing to do but how should I DM him because I really want to get to know him. Thank you 🙂
Jumping to conclusions, you do not know this man so stop thinking he is your future husband. Because you’ll gas yourself up so much, you’ll end up putting so much pressure that it won’t even work out.
Start interacting with him, laughing at his stories. You’ll see by his reaction if he’s here for it.
Salam sisters,
I’ve been seeing this guy for apx 7 months. He’s charming, sweet and pretty much a girl could ask for. He treats me well. He just finished up uni and got a job last year, so he is pretty stable. My concern is he hasnt introduce himself to any of my friends and he hasn’t even told his friends/ family about me. I feel like its an important step…are we a secret? Are you embarrassed of me? Like honestly im just baffled. I brought it up to him a couple of times but he seemed bothered by it so I haven’t said anything again. He keeps telling me he wants to marry me but he hasn’t done anything to prove it. He tells me that we’ll be married after ramdhan and that’s literally right around the corner. I feel like he’s telling me this to get me to shut up because his actions aren’t matching his words.
Am i over analyzing this?
At first I was reading this thinking hmmmm not that deep but it was until you said he wanted to get married after Ramadan. Now I’m like huh?
Oh he is definitely talking out of his ass. How can he marry you if his family and friends don’t even know you exist?
But the biggest thing is there are lots of possible reasons, but you should definitely talk to him about it. If he refuses to talk about it, don’t entertain him. He needs to learn how to communicate otherwise there will be no communication at all. He needs to learn how to reassure you and he shouldn’t be keeping you a secret.
Also, be very weary of what this guy tells you. He seems to just talk for the sake of talking without making moves behind it.
Been talking to this guy for more than a year and honestly he is perfect for me and literally my best friend and we want to get married but his dad told him he could never marry me because of my qabil. Now he is constantly fighting with his dad and I don’t want him to have problems with his dad because of me and I can see how much it is hurting him.
What should I do ? Just end it because I don’t want to forever deal with his dad hating me.
If his family are a qabilist, you might want to rethink marrying him. Why? Because this family will never accept you and deep down will call you things behind your back. The fact he has to even fight with his dad about this is wild to me. These lot are qabilist QABILIST
Hey girls! Thank you so much for the taking the time to make a space for us honestly!
sooo I went back home last summer and I met this guy from America when I was there. Like he was soo different to anyone I’ve ever met but I’m from the UK so I knew distance was always going to be an issue so I decided not to get too attached and just treat him like my ‘summer bae’. But now we’ve been talking for 6 months and I’ve caught feelings. I just feel like he’s so different to these London niggas. Like he’s always delivering gifts to my house, he sends me money spontaneously, he makes sure to try call me every day and we are on ft for hours. He’s so funny and really nice. I don’t know how to explain it but he’s so manly. He even came down to see me two months ago. I know distance is always going to be a problem but these London niggas just don’t have the sauce like these American guys. The other issue I have is I really want to be around him. Like I want him to be my peace away from all the madness in my house and it’s hard to do that because of the time zone. Like sometimes I just want a hug from him or to go on dates. The thing is because he’s such a good guy, should I just continue talking and see where it goes or should I just cut it off because of distance?
You guys need to have a serious conversation about the practically of this relationship. Because if you guys realise this isn’t practical in the long term for both of you, its good to know now. And if you don’t, you’ll realise too much has been invested in this relationship and its going to be so hard for you to move on.
So talk about, if you guys do see a future together, what does that future look like? Can he move? Can you?
Do you guys know about how visas work, whether you’ll be able to work in that country if you were to move?
There’s a lot that really needs to be discussed and it isn’t as easy as, oh I’m just gonna pick up and leave. You gotta think about practicality and if it makes sense. Are you both financial stable, who is
earning more? Because if he is the big breadwinner, it’ll make more sense for you to move over there. But now you gotta think about what you’re gonna do if you do move. Do you have friends in the USA? Because you’re probably gonna need them especially if you’re not allowed to work.
Tackle the issue now instead of procrastinating because it’ll just be harder to come to a decision later.