I’m going on a solo trip next month and ngl I’m sooo nervous. I’m at that stage where all my friends are married and have kids, I’m not interested in all that atm as I’m only 25 but just doesn’t feel nice not having siblings or anyone to do things withhh
Ahhh I feel you so hard. I used to do this in 2nd year because no one would go with me until I stopped because of safety reasons. Wallahi wouldn’t it be so nice if you could meet girls who are also down for a holiday??
I would go, only if you plan to stay in the resort most of the time. Again you’re a woman and unfortunately to have to think about those things. Make sure you always have your phone with you, a portable charger, some pepper spray (i know dramatic but still) and always have cash in hand.
Anon
3 years ago
How do you deal with people talking baldy about you , I feel like it literally crushes me even though I know it’s not true and I waste time trying to convince people that that’s not who I am , I just find it hard to think people think that way of me when it’s far from
The truth
Sometimes people can hate you so much and majority of the time they don’t know why, its just because they feel like it. It’s just something about you. How can you prove you’re not what they say you are if they’re so committed to hating your guts? You can’t. Most times it’s projection, and they are unhappy with their own life. This is so fucking true, because I have never seen happy successful people have the time to talk shit about someone else
Also, the talking shit about you is a way of keeping you down to their level. They don’t like where you’re heading, and want to spew hate so much it stops you in your tracks, and hinders you from elevating. Wallahi a lot of people will try to break down your confidence and will do it in the forms of whispers and rumours, all things that entirely have no basis. But they do it anyway because they know it’ll get to you
You know what you do? Let them eat your dust. You get your life in order, you shit on those people, and let them know WE ARE NOT MATES. What will they have to say then?
Start finding it funny. They’ve wasted their own time obsessing over you when you’re not even aware of what they are doing.
Anon
3 years ago
How did you know your husband was the one ? I date guys and think he’s the one until something comes and ruins it then I look back like thank god that didn’t work out because there was so many red flags but I never see it during the relationships , what thing should I look out for to see the signs
I never went into the relationship looking for anything, and damn well did not want a husband. I was literally in my fun era and I was having so much fun being single, I didn’t really like the idea of being tied to someone else either. So looking back now, wallahi I realise not putting pressure on myself when I first started dating my husband was probably the best thing I could have done, because everything just became so fun. None of us was worrying about the next step. And then after a while, how we actually came to the decision of being together it was just like: we couldn’t imagine being with anyone else and that was really when we knew.
In the beginning I definitely tried to talk myself out of it, and I tried to find flags so I could justify avoiding commitment. But there comes a point where you just have to decide to be vulnerable and wallahi its a conscious decision you make, because you know exactly the moment when you do it and decide to let go.
I would say for you:
– Don’t put pressure on yourself. Not every date you go on will you find your husband.
– Also, know exactly the type of man you want to go for and STICK TO THAT. DON’T CHANGE WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW.
– Know your red flags before they are really red flags
The red flags before a red flag:
– If you know this man is very idle with his time i.e: spends his life smoking and doing balloons, probably don’t go on a date with him
– How does he talk about women? Does he call them bitches? Does he lowers his gaze regarding certain things
– Watch how he speaks and what his opinions are. Sometimes men really be snitching on themselves but the problem is some girls don’t listen
I’ll give you an example. You know those weird guys that just talk about who pays for a date, and he goes “It’s 2022 men and women need to be equal rah rah rah, oh women should spoil men too, what’s the point of mehr etc.”
Like out of all the thingssss they could be passionate about, this is the hill they want to die on? 😬
Also, guys like this do not care to impress YOU. They don’t see the point in chivalry unless they get something in return. If they don’t, its a waste of time to them and you’ll find yourself trying to force a man to be a man when in actuality, all he wants is to be treated like a woman
– Does he have manners? Can he articulate himself properly? Can’t tell you how annoying it is to be on a date when someone just wants to talk to you like your bros
– They love the Mandem so much. Herd mentality. Whatever the mandem says goes
Those for me are all my red flags before they’re red flags. If I see this, I’m not even considering you or looking at you twice, let alone go on a date.
What you are then left with are usually men with manners, who have much better things to do than to argue their case for being equal to women, they actually want to impress and romance you. Real men
Anon
3 years ago
How do you come to terms with that life is about moving on , like I finished sixth form during 2020 March and since then my life just feels like it been going to Fast and it’s just overwhelming and having to think about the adult world more and taking on responsibility as well as not enjoying the process of starting your 20s because you feel like your missing out on things etc it’s been really difficult but I think a lot of people have felt this way
Its kind of like constantly feeling like you are drowning. After a few years you learn how to swim with the current and portray some level of confidence and organisation, but one fuck up, and all the hard work you put is GONE and you have to start from scratch again. Adulthood is a scam. I don’t know anyone who is actually in control.
It’s hard because of the sheer number of new responsibilities. It’s too much. And a lot of those responsibilities seem to carry a terrible penalty for failure. It’s really not forgiving at all. But not everything has to be unhappy or depressing. It so funny how ironic life could be because as much as I miss being a kid, I’m happier now at 24 than I’ve ever been. I get to experience way more than I ever did.
My advice is to try to take it one step at a time. If you look at it like “fuck I have so much shit to do” then you might freeze up and stall. But if you take the time to break it down into small steps, it’s easier to cope with. Adulthood sure likes to throw shit at you when you least expect it. You’re going to fuck up and do stupid things. It’s how we learn to be slightly better people than we were in our teen years.
Also, try not to waste too much time dwelling on your anxieties about adulthood. It’ll ruin your adult experience and set you back, I promise. Just try to take it easy. If you fuck up? It’s fine. We all fuck up. And that’s okay. And it’s also okay to have an emotional breakdown or two, if you feel so inclined. Really, man, just go with the flow, roll with the punches, and try not to bite off more than you can chew.
You’re going to feel a tremendous amount of pressure to keep up with other people. There will be a stage where “everyone” is getting married. And then one where “everyone” is having kids. And then one where “everyone” is getting a divorce. Try not to spend a lot of time engaging in keeping up with people. Figure out the things you enjoy doing and do those.
Don’t pursue unhealthy relationships because you’re afraid of being alone. Don’t insist on being alone because you’re afraid of being in a real relationship. You see where I’m going with this? Do what feels RIGHT to YOU
Pay your bills on time. Learn to keep a tidy house. Learn to cook. Adult friendships take deliberate planning and effort. You won’t have any if you don’t invest in them.
And that my love is all I have, hope it helps 🙂
We’re all on the same boat, go to keep on swimming
Anon
3 years ago
How do you start setting boundaries in relationships and friendships, I’m so bad at say no and trusting myself with decisions also like I always need a second opinion or approval in order to feel better about a decision
It’s very simple. Become comfortable with the prospect of disapproval. No matter what you’re doing or who you are…THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE READY TO DISAPPROVE OF YOU. Disapproval is constant. The problem is many of us FEAR DISAPPROVAL. Do you fear rain? Do you fear the grass growing? Do you fear going to the bathroom? Of course not! These are constants of life, and rather than being fearful of constants it is better to embrace constants and accept them as a natural part of life.
The problem is many people view disapproval as something that can be avoid. Guess what! It can’t. People who are so successful are always being criticised, every single day. The point is, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE….you will receive disapproval. So embrace it.
Do what you want, when you want it.
This is one thing I’m really happy about, my friends say a lot that I don’t really care what people think of me and that I never need to hear a yes before I do something. I’m very impulsive. And that’s because I don’t care, you couldn’t pay me to care. And I know for a fact, generally people won’t ever give you advice they give to themselves. And that is why I need nothing from people. Advice is very watered down and not often will you get encouragements from people to tell you to step out of the box and do you. Instead they will feed you with all the things people say about you to break down your confidence. The trick is to not care.
Asking for peoples approval is dangerous territory . Yes its good to ask for advice about university or an interview, but constantly is too much. You need to be able to validate yourself before asking another’s opinion otherwise you’re just going to hold yourself back. You will never stand out because you’re too afraid to do anything individual. You will fade away like the rest. When you constantly need validation you just become boring
Also stop enabling people to have an opinion over your life. When they say something that crosses your boundaries, end the conversation there and then so they know not to try that shit again. Doesn’t matter if its gets awkward. When people have too much to say about what you do, it will become so hard for you to move forward. Shame them even and say “stop watching me”. Let them know that these are your boundaries
And finally trust yourself that you’ll make a good decision. Only know what’s best for you and wallahi that’s all you need. You have your own back
Compatibility is really important and unfortunately you guys didn’t get the chance to really see if you guys were compatible.
But now you’re married, so you have to figure it out, exhaust all options until you hit last resort.
Communicate: What effort is he not making?
– You want a date? Let him know and make it clear you won’t be happy until he starts romancing you
– You like flowers? Let it be known!
Realise what the problem is: Why are you dissatisfied with him? Is it because you’re not attractive to him? I’m not sure what advice I can give you with that one, did you know you wasn’t attracted to him when you first met him?
Also, don’t have sex with him if you don’t want to. Get out of that habit of just ‘counting the seconds’, have sex when you feel like having sex.
You guys really need to sit down and have a crisis talk. You guys are not clicking and it doesn’t make it better when you’re clearly unhappy with him and not letting him know. Intimacy is really important and without it, the relationship is doomed.
Anon
3 years ago
Is it weird if I find my neighbours cousin cute. We literally all grew up with each other and I haven’t seen him in a year and seeing him at my neighbours made me think ooo he cute. Like I seen him go from a little kid to boy in his twenties. His personality I really like and we get on really well with each other but I just don’t want to say anything to him since he might think of me as a sister.
See it this way, nothing will happen if you make no moves. You will continue just looking at him from a distance, still liking him but nothing ever happens. Or you could make it clear you’re interested in him and maybe find out he feels the exact same way? Sometimes guys just need the opportunity to make moves
Anon
3 years ago
I once liked this guy but got rejected so to get over him I used another guy and it’s been 5 months with this new guy but we don’t really speak that much but when we met up with each other after a couple of times he told me he genuinely liked me but I told him how can you like me when we speak like once a week. Also he gave me his phone to play music in his car then I saw a notif from Instagram and all I could see was babe. I’m kinda liking him because I’ll feel bad if another boy tried to speak to me but all my friends hate him as he’s literally a walking red flag. What shall I do
You’ve answered your own question: how CAN he like you when he can spend so much time not talking to you??
The thing is, this guy doesn’t actually like you- well not in the way you think he does. This guy likes everyone. Everyone he talks to in that particular moment he likes. When he is not with you, he is probably saying the same thing to someone else. And now you know he’s talking to someone else because of the notification. And guess what, she probably isn’t the only one.
This doesn’t surprise me, tbh a lot of young men are like this. It’s so funny, because what he is saying doesn’t even sound believable to you because you’re like huh?
But for me now, I would assume if someone can spend so much time without me, then he must not like me. Doesn’t mean he has to go nowhere, now you just know what the deal is
Anon
3 years ago
Salam hun, thank you for this platform it’s very informative and you give amazing articulate advice.
My husbands stinginess is seriously starting to piss me right off. I JUST started my maternity leave (9m preg still) and about to pop anyday now. My pregnancy has been horrific to say the least, I was so unwell and barely ate for 6m of it. Anyways examples, I send my man to go get me something I’m craving and can actually stomach, eg M&S pasta thing, he calls me “this small thing is £8?” And I get the ick straight away and say uno what nvm, get me something else so he comes back with doughnuts (????). I’m very non confrontational so I let so many things like that slide but deep down I am soooo embarrassed and icky.
I make my own money so never really needed him financially but now I’ll be relying on him for a whole year and it’s making me sick.
I’d ask him to grab me something from the shop, he’ll get me the cheap version or something completely different, we go out to eat, I don’t order a starter, just main and a drink. All these things are trivial but it’s actually quite embrassing. He’s NOT broke either, he makes £140k/yr.
If I want something large for the house, ie electrical appliance or something needs upgrading we have to wait for the Black Friday sale or some other major sale. I’m just so tired of dealing with this man in this aspect. I’ve never confronted him about but did drop hints and sometimes dissed his gaajo behaviour and he gets proper upset/moody about it.
I think it’s horrible to not get ur pregnant starving wife something she asked for because you’re too stingy to get it. I’m not saying he’s NEVER gotten me food but 80% of the time it’s the wrong thing.
My house is not furnished how I want it because I can’t afford to do it alone, if he spent our money, we could live in a show home penthouse in London. But here I am scrambling for a tenner lunch 🙁
Not only is your husband stingy, this is leaning towards financial abuse. I say this because, in this time that your financially dependent on him (pregnancy), he has certain rules for what you can and can’t spend your money on. You want food? You should get food, especially since you are crazy this man’s child. But now he’s controlling what he feels is worth spending money on. He also removes you having access to his money. The worst part is, he can afford all the things he is complaining about.
He’s not even furnishing the house??? The fact you have to beg for or justify every penny you spend and he gaslights you is literally financial abuse.
You need something drastic to happen, and asap. He is being financially abusive during the most vulnerable time in your life. I would honestly go back to my mums house until he gets his act together. I almost never suggest this to couples, but this guy is being an absolute prick and he is refusing to financially take care of you.
When you are at your mum’s house, let him know what he’s doing is FINACIAL ABUSE. And make it clear, the only way you’re going back is if he sorts shit out, gives you everything you need during this pregnancy.
Anon
3 years ago
Salam Ladan and Lula,
I pray you’re both well and happy.
My dilemma is basically being selfish vs being a daughter and sister
After I left uni, within 3 months I was living abroad and working abroad. Alhamdulilah it’s been an amazing opportunity full of growth for me. In 7 years I’ve been in asia, South America and now the Middle East. Mainly I made this move so I could escape the expectations and chatter in the uk. I felt like I wouldn’t be able to find myself blah blah if I stayed home.
So that’s the backstory
My dilemma is now I’m beginning to feel a bit of guilt creeping in. 7 years is a long time away (I try to visit yearly) and I feel that my parents and siblings miss me and want me home but they would never say it because they know how much my independence means to me. What should I do – come home again and be there for my family or continue my life thousands of miles away. I’m conflicted because I’m happy here and my life is sorted here but I’m missing out on moments with the fam.
You don’t need to decide between two extremes, when you can find a medium that works for you and your family. Visit more often, facetime them more often. Try to come over for big holidays like Ramadan and over the Christmas period. That’ll be soo nice especially during Ramadan. I guess before travelling was much more difficult but everywhere is open again, and its possible. So you can really do both.
Also I love that so much for you! Wallahi not often do you hear muslim girls travelling the world across many years
I’m going on a solo trip next month and ngl I’m sooo nervous. I’m at that stage where all my friends are married and have kids, I’m not interested in all that atm as I’m only 25 but just doesn’t feel nice not having siblings or anyone to do things withhh
Ahhh I feel you so hard. I used to do this in 2nd year because no one would go with me until I stopped because of safety reasons. Wallahi wouldn’t it be so nice if you could meet girls who are also down for a holiday??
I would go, only if you plan to stay in the resort most of the time. Again you’re a woman and unfortunately to have to think about those things. Make sure you always have your phone with you, a portable charger, some pepper spray (i know dramatic but still) and always have cash in hand.
How do you deal with people talking baldy about you , I feel like it literally crushes me even though I know it’s not true and I waste time trying to convince people that that’s not who I am , I just find it hard to think people think that way of me when it’s far from
The truth
Laugh. Wallahi that is all you can do.
Sometimes people can hate you so much and majority of the time they don’t know why, its just because they feel like it. It’s just something about you. How can you prove you’re not what they say you are if they’re so committed to hating your guts? You can’t. Most times it’s projection, and they are unhappy with their own life. This is so fucking true, because I have never seen happy successful people have the time to talk shit about someone else
Also, the talking shit about you is a way of keeping you down to their level. They don’t like where you’re heading, and want to spew hate so much it stops you in your tracks, and hinders you from elevating. Wallahi a lot of people will try to break down your confidence and will do it in the forms of whispers and rumours, all things that entirely have no basis. But they do it anyway because they know it’ll get to you
You know what you do? Let them eat your dust. You get your life in order, you shit on those people, and let them know WE ARE NOT MATES. What will they have to say then?
Start finding it funny. They’ve wasted their own time obsessing over you when you’re not even aware of what they are doing.
How did you know your husband was the one ? I date guys and think he’s the one until something comes and ruins it then I look back like thank god that didn’t work out because there was so many red flags but I never see it during the relationships , what thing should I look out for to see the signs
I never went into the relationship looking for anything, and damn well did not want a husband. I was literally in my fun era and I was having so much fun being single, I didn’t really like the idea of being tied to someone else either. So looking back now, wallahi I realise not putting pressure on myself when I first started dating my husband was probably the best thing I could have done, because everything just became so fun. None of us was worrying about the next step. And then after a while, how we actually came to the decision of being together it was just like: we couldn’t imagine being with anyone else and that was really when we knew.
In the beginning I definitely tried to talk myself out of it, and I tried to find flags so I could justify avoiding commitment. But there comes a point where you just have to decide to be vulnerable and wallahi its a conscious decision you make, because you know exactly the moment when you do it and decide to let go.
I would say for you:
– Don’t put pressure on yourself. Not every date you go on will you find your husband.
– Also, know exactly the type of man you want to go for and STICK TO THAT. DON’T CHANGE WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW.
– Know your red flags before they are really red flags
The red flags before a red flag:
– If you know this man is very idle with his time i.e: spends his life smoking and doing balloons, probably don’t go on a date with him
– How does he talk about women? Does he call them bitches? Does he lowers his gaze regarding certain things
– Watch how he speaks and what his opinions are. Sometimes men really be snitching on themselves but the problem is some girls don’t listen
I’ll give you an example. You know those weird guys that just talk about who pays for a date, and he goes “It’s 2022 men and women need to be equal rah rah rah, oh women should spoil men too, what’s the point of mehr etc.”
Like out of all the thingssss they could be passionate about, this is the hill they want to die on? 😬
Also, guys like this do not care to impress YOU. They don’t see the point in chivalry unless they get something in return. If they don’t, its a waste of time to them and you’ll find yourself trying to force a man to be a man when in actuality, all he wants is to be treated like a woman
– Does he have manners? Can he articulate himself properly? Can’t tell you how annoying it is to be on a date when someone just wants to talk to you like your bros
– They love the Mandem so much. Herd mentality. Whatever the mandem says goes
Those for me are all my red flags before they’re red flags. If I see this, I’m not even considering you or looking at you twice, let alone go on a date.
What you are then left with are usually men with manners, who have much better things to do than to argue their case for being equal to women, they actually want to impress and romance you. Real men
How do you come to terms with that life is about moving on , like I finished sixth form during 2020 March and since then my life just feels like it been going to Fast and it’s just overwhelming and having to think about the adult world more and taking on responsibility as well as not enjoying the process of starting your 20s because you feel like your missing out on things etc it’s been really difficult but I think a lot of people have felt this way
Mate.
I am still trying to figure that one out myself.
Its kind of like constantly feeling like you are drowning. After a few years you learn how to swim with the current and portray some level of confidence and organisation, but one fuck up, and all the hard work you put is GONE and you have to start from scratch again. Adulthood is a scam. I don’t know anyone who is actually in control.
It’s hard because of the sheer number of new responsibilities. It’s too much. And a lot of those responsibilities seem to carry a terrible penalty for failure. It’s really not forgiving at all. But not everything has to be unhappy or depressing. It so funny how ironic life could be because as much as I miss being a kid, I’m happier now at 24 than I’ve ever been. I get to experience way more than I ever did.
My advice is to try to take it one step at a time. If you look at it like “fuck I have so much shit to do” then you might freeze up and stall. But if you take the time to break it down into small steps, it’s easier to cope with. Adulthood sure likes to throw shit at you when you least expect it. You’re going to fuck up and do stupid things. It’s how we learn to be slightly better people than we were in our teen years.
Also, try not to waste too much time dwelling on your anxieties about adulthood. It’ll ruin your adult experience and set you back, I promise. Just try to take it easy. If you fuck up? It’s fine. We all fuck up. And that’s okay. And it’s also okay to have an emotional breakdown or two, if you feel so inclined. Really, man, just go with the flow, roll with the punches, and try not to bite off more than you can chew.
You’re going to feel a tremendous amount of pressure to keep up with other people. There will be a stage where “everyone” is getting married. And then one where “everyone” is having kids. And then one where “everyone” is getting a divorce. Try not to spend a lot of time engaging in keeping up with people. Figure out the things you enjoy doing and do those.
Don’t pursue unhealthy relationships because you’re afraid of being alone. Don’t insist on being alone because you’re afraid of being in a real relationship. You see where I’m going with this? Do what feels RIGHT to YOU
Pay your bills on time. Learn to keep a tidy house. Learn to cook. Adult friendships take deliberate planning and effort. You won’t have any if you don’t invest in them.
And that my love is all I have, hope it helps 🙂
We’re all on the same boat, go to keep on swimming
How do you start setting boundaries in relationships and friendships, I’m so bad at say no and trusting myself with decisions also like I always need a second opinion or approval in order to feel better about a decision
It’s very simple. Become comfortable with the prospect of disapproval. No matter what you’re doing or who you are…THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE READY TO DISAPPROVE OF YOU. Disapproval is constant. The problem is many of us FEAR DISAPPROVAL. Do you fear rain? Do you fear the grass growing? Do you fear going to the bathroom? Of course not! These are constants of life, and rather than being fearful of constants it is better to embrace constants and accept them as a natural part of life.
The problem is many people view disapproval as something that can be avoid. Guess what! It can’t. People who are so successful are always being criticised, every single day. The point is, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE….you will receive disapproval. So embrace it.
Do what you want, when you want it.
This is one thing I’m really happy about, my friends say a lot that I don’t really care what people think of me and that I never need to hear a yes before I do something. I’m very impulsive. And that’s because I don’t care, you couldn’t pay me to care. And I know for a fact, generally people won’t ever give you advice they give to themselves. And that is why I need nothing from people. Advice is very watered down and not often will you get encouragements from people to tell you to step out of the box and do you. Instead they will feed you with all the things people say about you to break down your confidence. The trick is to not care.
Asking for peoples approval is dangerous territory . Yes its good to ask for advice about university or an interview, but constantly is too much. You need to be able to validate yourself before asking another’s opinion otherwise you’re just going to hold yourself back. You will never stand out because you’re too afraid to do anything individual. You will fade away like the rest. When you constantly need validation you just become boring
Also stop enabling people to have an opinion over your life. When they say something that crosses your boundaries, end the conversation there and then so they know not to try that shit again. Doesn’t matter if its gets awkward. When people have too much to say about what you do, it will become so hard for you to move forward. Shame them even and say “stop watching me”. Let them know that these are your boundaries
And finally trust yourself that you’ll make a good decision. Only know what’s best for you and wallahi that’s all you need. You have your own back
Compatibility is really important and unfortunately you guys didn’t get the chance to really see if you guys were compatible.
But now you’re married, so you have to figure it out, exhaust all options until you hit last resort.
Communicate: What effort is he not making?
– You want a date? Let him know and make it clear you won’t be happy until he starts romancing you
– You like flowers? Let it be known!
Realise what the problem is: Why are you dissatisfied with him? Is it because you’re not attractive to him? I’m not sure what advice I can give you with that one, did you know you wasn’t attracted to him when you first met him?
Also, don’t have sex with him if you don’t want to. Get out of that habit of just ‘counting the seconds’, have sex when you feel like having sex.
You guys really need to sit down and have a crisis talk. You guys are not clicking and it doesn’t make it better when you’re clearly unhappy with him and not letting him know. Intimacy is really important and without it, the relationship is doomed.
Is it weird if I find my neighbours cousin cute. We literally all grew up with each other and I haven’t seen him in a year and seeing him at my neighbours made me think ooo he cute. Like I seen him go from a little kid to boy in his twenties. His personality I really like and we get on really well with each other but I just don’t want to say anything to him since he might think of me as a sister.
See it this way, nothing will happen if you make no moves. You will continue just looking at him from a distance, still liking him but nothing ever happens. Or you could make it clear you’re interested in him and maybe find out he feels the exact same way? Sometimes guys just need the opportunity to make moves
I once liked this guy but got rejected so to get over him I used another guy and it’s been 5 months with this new guy but we don’t really speak that much but when we met up with each other after a couple of times he told me he genuinely liked me but I told him how can you like me when we speak like once a week. Also he gave me his phone to play music in his car then I saw a notif from Instagram and all I could see was babe. I’m kinda liking him because I’ll feel bad if another boy tried to speak to me but all my friends hate him as he’s literally a walking red flag. What shall I do
You’ve answered your own question: how CAN he like you when he can spend so much time not talking to you??
The thing is, this guy doesn’t actually like you- well not in the way you think he does. This guy likes everyone. Everyone he talks to in that particular moment he likes. When he is not with you, he is probably saying the same thing to someone else. And now you know he’s talking to someone else because of the notification. And guess what, she probably isn’t the only one.
This doesn’t surprise me, tbh a lot of young men are like this. It’s so funny, because what he is saying doesn’t even sound believable to you because you’re like huh?
But for me now, I would assume if someone can spend so much time without me, then he must not like me. Doesn’t mean he has to go nowhere, now you just know what the deal is
Salam hun, thank you for this platform it’s very informative and you give amazing articulate advice.
My husbands stinginess is seriously starting to piss me right off. I JUST started my maternity leave (9m preg still) and about to pop anyday now. My pregnancy has been horrific to say the least, I was so unwell and barely ate for 6m of it. Anyways examples, I send my man to go get me something I’m craving and can actually stomach, eg M&S pasta thing, he calls me “this small thing is £8?” And I get the ick straight away and say uno what nvm, get me something else so he comes back with doughnuts (????). I’m very non confrontational so I let so many things like that slide but deep down I am soooo embarrassed and icky.
I make my own money so never really needed him financially but now I’ll be relying on him for a whole year and it’s making me sick.
I’d ask him to grab me something from the shop, he’ll get me the cheap version or something completely different, we go out to eat, I don’t order a starter, just main and a drink. All these things are trivial but it’s actually quite embrassing. He’s NOT broke either, he makes £140k/yr.
If I want something large for the house, ie electrical appliance or something needs upgrading we have to wait for the Black Friday sale or some other major sale. I’m just so tired of dealing with this man in this aspect. I’ve never confronted him about but did drop hints and sometimes dissed his gaajo behaviour and he gets proper upset/moody about it.
I think it’s horrible to not get ur pregnant starving wife something she asked for because you’re too stingy to get it. I’m not saying he’s NEVER gotten me food but 80% of the time it’s the wrong thing.
My house is not furnished how I want it because I can’t afford to do it alone, if he spent our money, we could live in a show home penthouse in London. But here I am scrambling for a tenner lunch 🙁
Pleas help.
Not only is your husband stingy, this is leaning towards financial abuse. I say this because, in this time that your financially dependent on him (pregnancy), he has certain rules for what you can and can’t spend your money on. You want food? You should get food, especially since you are crazy this man’s child. But now he’s controlling what he feels is worth spending money on. He also removes you having access to his money. The worst part is, he can afford all the things he is complaining about.
He’s not even furnishing the house??? The fact you have to beg for or justify every penny you spend and he gaslights you is literally financial abuse.
You need something drastic to happen, and asap. He is being financially abusive during the most vulnerable time in your life. I would honestly go back to my mums house until he gets his act together. I almost never suggest this to couples, but this guy is being an absolute prick and he is refusing to financially take care of you.
When you are at your mum’s house, let him know what he’s doing is FINACIAL ABUSE. And make it clear, the only way you’re going back is if he sorts shit out, gives you everything you need during this pregnancy.
Salam Ladan and Lula,
I pray you’re both well and happy.
My dilemma is basically being selfish vs being a daughter and sister
After I left uni, within 3 months I was living abroad and working abroad. Alhamdulilah it’s been an amazing opportunity full of growth for me. In 7 years I’ve been in asia, South America and now the Middle East. Mainly I made this move so I could escape the expectations and chatter in the uk. I felt like I wouldn’t be able to find myself blah blah if I stayed home.
So that’s the backstory
My dilemma is now I’m beginning to feel a bit of guilt creeping in. 7 years is a long time away (I try to visit yearly) and I feel that my parents and siblings miss me and want me home but they would never say it because they know how much my independence means to me. What should I do – come home again and be there for my family or continue my life thousands of miles away. I’m conflicted because I’m happy here and my life is sorted here but I’m missing out on moments with the fam.
You don’t need to decide between two extremes, when you can find a medium that works for you and your family. Visit more often, facetime them more often. Try to come over for big holidays like Ramadan and over the Christmas period. That’ll be soo nice especially during Ramadan. I guess before travelling was much more difficult but everywhere is open again, and its possible. So you can really do both.
Also I love that so much for you! Wallahi not often do you hear muslim girls travelling the world across many years