Asc sisters
Am turning 22 and there’s this guy involved he wants marriage for me I haven’t dated for couple years now . This guy am not attracted to him but I like his mind he seems wise , financially stable , and he is on his deen . My friends tell me I should be with a guy that loves me more than him and idk if he is the one for me . Should there be physical attraction?
Don’t date someone you aren’t attracted to. It’s not fair to either one of you. You’d be settling and they’d be missing out on someone that actually does find them attractive.
Anon
3 years ago
What advice would you give to an ugly woman who has been unsuccessful in attracting men her entire life? (Please no “love yourself” remarks). I’ve never been on a date or in a relationship. I know these are haram. But I don’t care. I sometimes worry that no man would ever court me in the halal way for marriage so I thought why not just date if I want to experience romance.
I’m not going to write a sob story or go into my looks, but as an unattractive woman (who is actively trying to improve her appearance, e.g., lose weight, dress more feminine, etc.), I have been invisible to men my entire life. And it’s really frustrating when your attractive female peers and friends try and brush it off as not a big deal. I’m fed up of feeling this way and the “advice” I get from women who have never had a problem in the Looks or Men departments really irritates me. It’s quite upsetting, actually.
I used dating apps in the past and it amounted to nothing. I don’t have male friends and don’t really want any. I don’t want to be a loser and approach any man. I wish I was the type of woman men approached, especially quality men.
My advice is you have to be realistic. This is the truth.
Attractiveness is very important – it is the first thing we notice about someone. It’s also something that remains important throughout a relationship, I’d be lying to you if I said it didn’t. And you didn’t come to me to soften up the truth for you.
The reality is, no one is really ugly, they just don’t have money. Money to maintain their looks, to keep up with it. Attractiveness is so subjective, anyone can be attractive. This is why it’s really important to maintain your looks. It’s so unfortunate that its like this but what can we do? Stop people from wanting someone they consider to be attractive? Thats not realistic.
You are already active in making yourself more attractive, and I would say stick to that. Start learning how to do MUA make up, that is key. Lose the weight, i feel so bad even saying that but it is what it is. My weight fluctuates all the time. When I was younger I really committed to toning and losing weight, and that was when I got attention like crazy (Gained it all back haha fuck you Covid). But ngl it made me feel weird because I had to change how I looked in order to be perceived as pretty, even though my face was pretty? Yeah it was really weird but at least I didn’t feel invisible anymore. Anything was better than THAT
Also I’m sure you’ve heard this before but your personality is really your biggest secret weapon. Because ultimately, that is what makes you even more attractive after you’ve maintained your looks. There are so many buff people who just end up looking average to you once you spend time with them and thats because their personality is ASS.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girl. Love this and everything it stands for.
I’m trying to keep this as short as possible because I tend to go on a tangent.
Three years ago, I met this guy and we hit it off right away. He is my soulmate and nobody understands me like him. He’s gentle, sweet and I feel comfortable with him. I’ve met other guys before him but never connected with them even though they would tick a lot of my boxes.
My issue is that, we are regularly committing zina and I don’t see it stopping. (I never ever saw this for myself and can’t believe it’s my reality)
He says we’re forever but has never mentioned a wedding date and whenever I bring up marriage he tells me that we will be married and spend our old age together. He constantly reassures me that it’s me for him but I know deep down if he was that serious he’d want to make it halal and want to speak to my dad at some point. I have told him when he would and he says it’s not the time but when will it be the time?
I’m at a crossroad because even though he has great qualities we have had a rocky path. I can’t imagine leaving him and don’t want to set an ultimatum but I fear that this is what it may come to.
Because now that you both have opened those doors, it is going to be very hard to walk away. This is why premarital sex is forbidden. Once you start you don’t stop.
You got to be selfish and think about yourself. If he can’t marry you now, all he is doing is taking from you literally and figuratively. The fact of the matter is, if he truly loves you and cares about your Akirah, he will marry you. End of story.
Push for a wedding, try to save this relationship and give him a chance to rectify this. If he doesn’t, I am afraid you might have to walk away.
Anon
3 years ago
How do you distance yourself from bad friendships, I have a friend I think she is just not a good friend to be at all but she was clingy because she doesn’t have other friends and benefits bare from our friendship but I’m sooo bad at confrontation but I just keep given in after a few weeeks of us not talking but I’m really Done this time
Just do it slowly. Interact less and less daily, weekly and monthly. Without any more details, this seems to be the easiest way. Sometimes people grow apart.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey! First and foremost, thank you so much for making this website for us. May Allah preserve you and your marriage and May Allah give you everything in life that makes you happy.
I follow you on Instagram and I really appreciate when you post food receipes. Is it okay if you continue to keep doing that girl if that’s okay cos I’m in my 20s and literally can’t cook shit for myself 😭😭
Thank you so much for your kind words sis, ameen ! Omg this makes me so happy man. I’ve been busy with uni lately and haven’t been able to get onto this as much but wallahi this just encourages me so much.
And listen man I didn’t realise how many girls were in the same boat. The way I used to struggle too 😭 But yes! I’ll definitely continue and hopefully I’ll get a food blog here too with recipes
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls,
So I’ve been talking to this guy seriously for a few months now. We speak about getting married, children, where we would live etc. Things are looking up. I really like him despite our differences regarding certain topics. Lately our stimulating conversations end up with us in an argument and he says things like- you don’t understand…It went over your head etc. We end up not speaking for the day and the next day talk briefly about it .. but in a light hearted manner. Truth is I’m getting tired of this foolish behaviour. Am I forcing a relationship with someone who is so different from me?
He’s sounds condescending. Odds are that he’s doing it unconsciously, but that doesn’t make it right. If it were a joke, it would be a joke every once in a long while. Compounded, it has the effect of making you feel weird and that you guys aren’t on the same place. Tell him so, and ask that he think about it the next time he starts to say something like condescending like that. If he really cares he will be open to some self-reflection and work. Even if he continues to slip up, see if he acknowledges it- a sign he is hearing you and keep the dialogue up. If he discounts you then thats a huge warning sign that he discounts IN GENERAL and that’s in my opinion, is when you should cut ties
Anon
3 years ago
How do you take care of your eyes with all the screen time from studying and gaming , I’m really struggling to the point I now have dry eyes
Omg this has recently been my problem. But I’ve changed both my pc monitors to Cool (it’s a blue tone and I’ve gotten used to it already), but this is only a quick solution. Eventually I’m going to have to get new glasses to protect my eyes from the screens
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls. I’m really obsessed with your blog. So good for Muslim’s in this 21st century.
Im a girl in my late 20s living my best life working and enjoying myself. I have never had an issue attracting men infact i attract alot of Men and because I am Muslim i only talk to Muslim men and ignore the others. My issue is alot of the Muslim men, especially from my country (i wont say the country to prevent a bad narrative) or they are Muslim men who are friend’s with predominantly men from my country treat me like I am a sexual item. I am waiting till marriage for sex and the minute they find out they either try to convince me or cut me off. I am so disgusted with men in our society and it hurts more because non Muslim men respect me, the minute they hear I am Muslim they treat me with more respect meanwhile my Muslim brothers dont. And I am not saying this is all men, this is just a small community of Muslim men and I know/would like to believe that the vast majority are not like this. My friends tell me it could be because of my look, I dont wear hijab, sometimes I have cleavage on show but most of the time im a tomboy and I dress in baggy clothes however my instagram which is where I am meeting these men has my night out pictures with dress/heels. However what right does a man have to treat a woman sexually because of how she looks/dresses? I would rather be single than with a man like that but how can I find a good man?
Some men are dogs unfortunately, doesn’t matter what you’re wearing, if there was a hole in a wall, even that would be sexually attractive to them.
I wish there was something you could do about these kind of men, but there is nothing. If there was, a lot of our lives as women would be much easier. But it’s not.
My advice would be to remember that this is just a portion of men, not every guy is like this. Wallahi there are some real gentlemen out there that do nothing but respect women. There really is, it just takes a while to weed out the trash.
Also take what non-Muslim men say with a pinch of salt, they also objectify women too, they are just more subtle with it.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey 👋🏾 I hope everyone reading nothing but health and happiness InshaAllah. I have a dilemma , I have 12 sisters . Growing up I’ve always been the “prettiest sister”. everyone that ever met my family would say I looked nothing like my sisters . I have light brown eyes while all my sisters have dark brown eyes . I’ve also been the “fat sister “ as I got older I got more insecure about my body . Growing up I was always Bullied and picked on by my sisters .I started working out and working on my confidences . I’ve lost over 50 pounds and I am still working on losing more . As much as everyone around me tells me I am “beautiful “ I can’t help but look in the mirror and see all the things my sisters called me . It hurts me daily that the words that tear me apart everyday were said by my own family . Most of my insecurities were pointed out by my family . Most of them are happily married right now , they say things like “why are you still single “ “ I guess your beatuy didn’t get you far with men “ They always joke about me bringing home a very ugly guy. The days I feel down , I dress up do my makeup and take myself out . I’ve tired dressing up cute every now and then. I am always getting my nails and eyebrows done . I get my hair done every month , even though I am a hijabi . I thought if I got skinnier I would feel better about myself. I guess I just don’t know how to feel confident in my own body . I don’t think I ever was .
12 sisters? Oh my god that sounds like hell, how often are people beefing in that house??? I know it goes OFF in there 😭
Congratulations on losing the weight, I know it’s never good to do it under those circumstances where you’ve basically been bullied into doing it, but its still no easy feat. 50 pounds is a lot. Big yourself up
Family life is hard. It can make you tough, or it can break you. I’m a grown up, and I’ve moved out but I’m still trying to figure out if I’m strong, or broken. However what gives me power is that I am the one that gets to decide what those experiences do to me. I feel like that’s so important, reminding yourself that you can decide what happens next.
I can choose to not let this affect me. Because often times, we convince ourselves there’s nothing we can do about it when that’s not true. Wallahi words become so powerless when you realise they can’t hurt you when YOU’RE UP HERE.
You know you’re pretty, you’re much more healthier now so that’s all that truly matters. You, regardless of what those girls say, it doesn’t stop you from being GOOD. You are good.
Also I know this will be hard, but try not to take it so personally. 12 girls in a house is bound to be mad and of course they are going to be catty. It is just unfortunate that it’s you who is taking the heat. Wallahi forget about those girls, just forget about it. Don’t let it affect how you perceive yourself because that’s when it gets real bad. Because it will constantly put you in a place where you’re always questioning your sense of self. You need to be sure of yourself because that’s the only way you’ll survive in this dog eat dog world. You are the shit. Keep reminding yourself of that and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
Anon
3 years ago
To the sister whos husband intiates sex or sexual acts when she’s sleeping. That is marital rape/ sexual assault, I know this is your husband and you are consenting when having sex otherwise- however you are not a participating & consensual member when you are asleep and any honourable man would not think about touching a women whilst she’s asleep. I don’t want to add petrol to the fire but I think it’s important that we discuss things like consent even within a marriage because marital rape/ sexual assault is common and brushed under the carpet as if marrying a man means unwavering consent at all times.
Asc sisters
Am turning 22 and there’s this guy involved he wants marriage for me I haven’t dated for couple years now . This guy am not attracted to him but I like his mind he seems wise , financially stable , and he is on his deen . My friends tell me I should be with a guy that loves me more than him and idk if he is the one for me . Should there be physical attraction?
Don’t date someone you aren’t attracted to. It’s not fair to either one of you. You’d be settling and they’d be missing out on someone that actually does find them attractive.
What advice would you give to an ugly woman who has been unsuccessful in attracting men her entire life? (Please no “love yourself” remarks). I’ve never been on a date or in a relationship. I know these are haram. But I don’t care. I sometimes worry that no man would ever court me in the halal way for marriage so I thought why not just date if I want to experience romance.
I’m not going to write a sob story or go into my looks, but as an unattractive woman (who is actively trying to improve her appearance, e.g., lose weight, dress more feminine, etc.), I have been invisible to men my entire life. And it’s really frustrating when your attractive female peers and friends try and brush it off as not a big deal. I’m fed up of feeling this way and the “advice” I get from women who have never had a problem in the Looks or Men departments really irritates me. It’s quite upsetting, actually.
I used dating apps in the past and it amounted to nothing. I don’t have male friends and don’t really want any. I don’t want to be a loser and approach any man. I wish I was the type of woman men approached, especially quality men.
My advice is you have to be realistic. This is the truth.
Attractiveness is very important – it is the first thing we notice about someone. It’s also something that remains important throughout a relationship, I’d be lying to you if I said it didn’t. And you didn’t come to me to soften up the truth for you.
The reality is, no one is really ugly, they just don’t have money. Money to maintain their looks, to keep up with it. Attractiveness is so subjective, anyone can be attractive. This is why it’s really important to maintain your looks. It’s so unfortunate that its like this but what can we do? Stop people from wanting someone they consider to be attractive? Thats not realistic.
You are already active in making yourself more attractive, and I would say stick to that. Start learning how to do MUA make up, that is key. Lose the weight, i feel so bad even saying that but it is what it is. My weight fluctuates all the time. When I was younger I really committed to toning and losing weight, and that was when I got attention like crazy (Gained it all back haha fuck you Covid). But ngl it made me feel weird because I had to change how I looked in order to be perceived as pretty, even though my face was pretty? Yeah it was really weird but at least I didn’t feel invisible anymore. Anything was better than THAT
Also I’m sure you’ve heard this before but your personality is really your biggest secret weapon. Because ultimately, that is what makes you even more attractive after you’ve maintained your looks. There are so many buff people who just end up looking average to you once you spend time with them and thats because their personality is ASS.
Hey girl. Love this and everything it stands for.
I’m trying to keep this as short as possible because I tend to go on a tangent.
Three years ago, I met this guy and we hit it off right away. He is my soulmate and nobody understands me like him. He’s gentle, sweet and I feel comfortable with him. I’ve met other guys before him but never connected with them even though they would tick a lot of my boxes.
My issue is that, we are regularly committing zina and I don’t see it stopping. (I never ever saw this for myself and can’t believe it’s my reality)
He says we’re forever but has never mentioned a wedding date and whenever I bring up marriage he tells me that we will be married and spend our old age together. He constantly reassures me that it’s me for him but I know deep down if he was that serious he’d want to make it halal and want to speak to my dad at some point. I have told him when he would and he says it’s not the time but when will it be the time?
I’m at a crossroad because even though he has great qualities we have had a rocky path. I can’t imagine leaving him and don’t want to set an ultimatum but I fear that this is what it may come to.
Damn, this is a hard one I won’t lie.
Because now that you both have opened those doors, it is going to be very hard to walk away. This is why premarital sex is forbidden. Once you start you don’t stop.
You got to be selfish and think about yourself. If he can’t marry you now, all he is doing is taking from you literally and figuratively. The fact of the matter is, if he truly loves you and cares about your Akirah, he will marry you. End of story.
Push for a wedding, try to save this relationship and give him a chance to rectify this. If he doesn’t, I am afraid you might have to walk away.
How do you distance yourself from bad friendships, I have a friend I think she is just not a good friend to be at all but she was clingy because she doesn’t have other friends and benefits bare from our friendship but I’m sooo bad at confrontation but I just keep given in after a few weeeks of us not talking but I’m really Done this time
Just do it slowly. Interact less and less daily, weekly and monthly. Without any more details, this seems to be the easiest way. Sometimes people grow apart.
Hey! First and foremost, thank you so much for making this website for us. May Allah preserve you and your marriage and May Allah give you everything in life that makes you happy.
I follow you on Instagram and I really appreciate when you post food receipes. Is it okay if you continue to keep doing that girl if that’s okay cos I’m in my 20s and literally can’t cook shit for myself 😭😭
Thank you so much for your kind words sis, ameen ! Omg this makes me so happy man. I’ve been busy with uni lately and haven’t been able to get onto this as much but wallahi this just encourages me so much.
And listen man I didn’t realise how many girls were in the same boat. The way I used to struggle too 😭 But yes! I’ll definitely continue and hopefully I’ll get a food blog here too with recipes
Hey girls,
So I’ve been talking to this guy seriously for a few months now. We speak about getting married, children, where we would live etc. Things are looking up. I really like him despite our differences regarding certain topics. Lately our stimulating conversations end up with us in an argument and he says things like- you don’t understand…It went over your head etc. We end up not speaking for the day and the next day talk briefly about it .. but in a light hearted manner. Truth is I’m getting tired of this foolish behaviour. Am I forcing a relationship with someone who is so different from me?
He’s sounds condescending. Odds are that he’s doing it unconsciously, but that doesn’t make it right. If it were a joke, it would be a joke every once in a long while. Compounded, it has the effect of making you feel weird and that you guys aren’t on the same place. Tell him so, and ask that he think about it the next time he starts to say something like condescending like that. If he really cares he will be open to some self-reflection and work. Even if he continues to slip up, see if he acknowledges it- a sign he is hearing you and keep the dialogue up. If he discounts you then thats a huge warning sign that he discounts IN GENERAL and that’s in my opinion, is when you should cut ties
How do you take care of your eyes with all the screen time from studying and gaming , I’m really struggling to the point I now have dry eyes
Omg this has recently been my problem. But I’ve changed both my pc monitors to Cool (it’s a blue tone and I’ve gotten used to it already), but this is only a quick solution. Eventually I’m going to have to get new glasses to protect my eyes from the screens
Hey girls. I’m really obsessed with your blog. So good for Muslim’s in this 21st century.
Im a girl in my late 20s living my best life working and enjoying myself. I have never had an issue attracting men infact i attract alot of Men and because I am Muslim i only talk to Muslim men and ignore the others. My issue is alot of the Muslim men, especially from my country (i wont say the country to prevent a bad narrative) or they are Muslim men who are friend’s with predominantly men from my country treat me like I am a sexual item. I am waiting till marriage for sex and the minute they find out they either try to convince me or cut me off. I am so disgusted with men in our society and it hurts more because non Muslim men respect me, the minute they hear I am Muslim they treat me with more respect meanwhile my Muslim brothers dont. And I am not saying this is all men, this is just a small community of Muslim men and I know/would like to believe that the vast majority are not like this. My friends tell me it could be because of my look, I dont wear hijab, sometimes I have cleavage on show but most of the time im a tomboy and I dress in baggy clothes however my instagram which is where I am meeting these men has my night out pictures with dress/heels. However what right does a man have to treat a woman sexually because of how she looks/dresses? I would rather be single than with a man like that but how can I find a good man?
Some men are dogs unfortunately, doesn’t matter what you’re wearing, if there was a hole in a wall, even that would be sexually attractive to them.
I wish there was something you could do about these kind of men, but there is nothing. If there was, a lot of our lives as women would be much easier. But it’s not.
My advice would be to remember that this is just a portion of men, not every guy is like this. Wallahi there are some real gentlemen out there that do nothing but respect women. There really is, it just takes a while to weed out the trash.
Also take what non-Muslim men say with a pinch of salt, they also objectify women too, they are just more subtle with it.
Hey 👋🏾 I hope everyone reading nothing but health and happiness InshaAllah. I have a dilemma , I have 12 sisters . Growing up I’ve always been the “prettiest sister”. everyone that ever met my family would say I looked nothing like my sisters . I have light brown eyes while all my sisters have dark brown eyes . I’ve also been the “fat sister “ as I got older I got more insecure about my body . Growing up I was always Bullied and picked on by my sisters .I started working out and working on my confidences . I’ve lost over 50 pounds and I am still working on losing more . As much as everyone around me tells me I am “beautiful “ I can’t help but look in the mirror and see all the things my sisters called me . It hurts me daily that the words that tear me apart everyday were said by my own family . Most of my insecurities were pointed out by my family . Most of them are happily married right now , they say things like “why are you still single “ “ I guess your beatuy didn’t get you far with men “ They always joke about me bringing home a very ugly guy. The days I feel down , I dress up do my makeup and take myself out . I’ve tired dressing up cute every now and then. I am always getting my nails and eyebrows done . I get my hair done every month , even though I am a hijabi . I thought if I got skinnier I would feel better about myself. I guess I just don’t know how to feel confident in my own body . I don’t think I ever was .
12 sisters? Oh my god that sounds like hell, how often are people beefing in that house??? I know it goes OFF in there 😭
Congratulations on losing the weight, I know it’s never good to do it under those circumstances where you’ve basically been bullied into doing it, but its still no easy feat. 50 pounds is a lot. Big yourself up
Family life is hard. It can make you tough, or it can break you. I’m a grown up, and I’ve moved out but I’m still trying to figure out if I’m strong, or broken. However what gives me power is that I am the one that gets to decide what those experiences do to me. I feel like that’s so important, reminding yourself that you can decide what happens next.
I can choose to not let this affect me. Because often times, we convince ourselves there’s nothing we can do about it when that’s not true. Wallahi words become so powerless when you realise they can’t hurt you when YOU’RE UP HERE.
You know you’re pretty, you’re much more healthier now so that’s all that truly matters. You, regardless of what those girls say, it doesn’t stop you from being GOOD. You are good.
Also I know this will be hard, but try not to take it so personally. 12 girls in a house is bound to be mad and of course they are going to be catty. It is just unfortunate that it’s you who is taking the heat. Wallahi forget about those girls, just forget about it. Don’t let it affect how you perceive yourself because that’s when it gets real bad. Because it will constantly put you in a place where you’re always questioning your sense of self. You need to be sure of yourself because that’s the only way you’ll survive in this dog eat dog world. You are the shit. Keep reminding yourself of that and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
To the sister whos husband intiates sex or sexual acts when she’s sleeping. That is marital rape/ sexual assault, I know this is your husband and you are consenting when having sex otherwise- however you are not a participating & consensual member when you are asleep and any honourable man would not think about touching a women whilst she’s asleep. I don’t want to add petrol to the fire but I think it’s important that we discuss things like consent even within a marriage because marital rape/ sexual assault is common and brushed under the carpet as if marrying a man means unwavering consent at all times.
I think this is a very good point and I hope whoever it is that messaged in sees this