Hi sisss,
I just need some advice I’m 23 and I think I have committed issues and I get scared of being relationship with a guy, I get bored so easily it’s scary like also I get the ick quickly too but I think i want to get married soon after uni inshaAllah but am I the issue??? I just feel like men in this generation are just trash I can’t not stand any of their bullshit I don’t have the time or energy. I know my worth so why waste it on a man!! I think a lot of men find me intimidating so never really approach me (been told this many times btw). What should I do? Also I hardly ever go out due to my anxiety which I honestly hate sooo much. so how the hell will I ever meet the loml? Omdsss I feel like I’m getting old and it’s scary and I can not trust a man they literally all the same. What should I do? alsooo love this page girl x
The one consistent element in all this is you. What are you looking for in others that they can’t fulfil? It’s likely something missing in yourself. Get a non-boring life. Make sure you are interesting first before expecting someone else to fulfil you. Everything and anything that can fulfil your life. When you build these basic foundations get a partner not to fulfil them for you but to enhance them once already there.
This tendency of yours has nothing to do with who you’re dating. It’s not that you haven’t found “the one,” and it’s not like there’s no-one for you. You’ve likely met the right one several times, and not been ready. Saying stuff like “I’m not able to meet people” “I get bored easily’ or that you can’t trust men is a prime example of you just not being ready to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. You need a more sustainable way to feel content, and you’re not going to find it from a man.
You sound like you’re severely avoidant (possibly fearful-avoidant) in attachment. Basically, you’re so terrified of getting close to anyone that you sabotage your own relationships after a certain period of time, likely by fixating on what’s “wrong” with your partner and probably exaggerating while doing so. The issue is, is you. You need to figure out whatever is it going on internally because you can be open to possible relationships in the future.
Anon
3 years ago
I’ve watched this guy slowly fall out of love with me recently and I don’t know what to do. When we first met he used to worship the ground I walked on, always made sure I was content and good, always affectionate. I’m not one to need reassurance but sometimes it’s necessary and it is so necessary for me right now. I do not want to ask him because it hurts every time I think about it. I can’t tell you the last time he showed me any sort of affection surprises or anything but I’m always the first to give it because that is who I am I care about him too much and my heart breaks every single time he does something. He’s changing in front of me and I’m afraid
What you have to learn is that everyone can fall put of love anytime, but we need to find the ones that are willing to fall back in love and if not, at least have the consideration to share what’s going on or at least the respect to explain why. Give him an opportunity to explain himself and if it doesn’t work out, then it is what it is.
Sometimes people just grow apart.
Understand that this has nothing to do with you!. Some people just have their feelings change or they go through something internally that makes them want a change, but that is about THEM. All you can control is yourself.
Anon
3 years ago
I’m so drained with my mother. She keeps trying to force me to raise my other siblings. Im so fed up by it. When I tell her I don’t want to because I simply don’t want to she goes on about how she makes food, cleans washes the clothes etc. Don’t get me wrong I help wherever I can. But I’m literally fed up with going to school meetings, having to help with homework. Having to return and answer mails from school. When I addressed this with my mother she always get defensive and talks about how she is tired and that she already raised me, as if I have to return the favor now by raising my siblings 😂😂 My mom doesn’t work and has devoted her life to getting kids masha’Allah but I haven’t. I have a very hard time putting myself first and I really think it stems from the fact that I was forced not to do so by having to raise my siblings. Im so so tired of it. Why is individuality so hated and looked down upon in Somali culture. I really wish I could go about this world sometimes without having to consider x, y and c. Even addressing this whole thing is making me feel guilty and like a caasi. Because I love my mother I really do. But I really don’t want to deal with all of this, working a full time job on the side. It has really made me dislike the idea of getting my own kids someday.
I’m nearly 25 and I’m going to tell you something to took me almost a decade to realise.
You have to put yourself first. Your dreams, your life, your needs. You are always indebted to your parents especially your mother. Always. But know your limits.
These things don’t just happen to you. You’re allowing it. There is ONLY one way to stop them – by saying NO. It is a cliche that “no is a complete sentence” but it is true. You must start saying no.
It’s normal to have these thoughts and it’s normal to feel guilty. Why wouldn’t you feel guilty? She’s your mother. But sometimes you got to start establishing boundaries, especially as you get older. Somali parents unfortunately have this mentality that they can exhaust their children til kingdom come simply because they can. But no, it’s not fair. Help out your parents when you can but leave something for yourself always.
Anon
3 years ago
What does it mean when your S/O told you “I love you” 6 months in, tells you nearly 4 years later that his feelings have changed but still wants to work this out and marry me (as currently planned)? What are the chances he will fall back in love with me and is the risk worth it? My goodness, it even sounds insane typing it and looking back at it.
If his feelings have changed, why is he marrying you? Out of convenience? Because he has spent so much time with you he doesn’t see himself starting again with someone else?
Don’t take that risk. Every girl deserves to marry someone who will love them now and in the future. Anything less than that is settling. Yes feelings fluctuate in relationships but unloving someone is completely different. And then implying marriage when you feel like that is lunacy to me.
Focus on trying to work things out unmarried. If it works out, cool continue getting married as planned. If it doesn’t, it is easier to be single after being broken up than divorced and having to go through all those emotions.
Anon
3 years ago
What’s an acceptable amount to spend on ur mans m bday gifts? we been together a year and he does everything for me when we go out he pays he’s always there for me supporte me though everything I want to buy him the earth but 💀💀
Nothing more than 300 great british POUNDS. Even 300 is a bit of a stretch to do before you’re married. Just get him one or two things, maybe not even gifts but experiences like tickets to a football game. This buying men the earth thing needs to stop btw. Can’t be having sugar mami energy
When you get married though you can definitely do that
Anon
3 years ago
To the girl who asked how to be more happy for others, make dua Allah increases them in it (whatever it is you’re looking at that they have). Honestly, that one quick simple thing extinguishes any fire your heart has and Allah is so amazing subhanallah. When you wish something good for someone, the angels say Ameen to you too. So yeah, use the energy you’ve given them to wish and pray they get better instead of being envious and when you see people do better you’re naturally just happier because it’s what you pray for anyway! And subhanallah, Allah opens so so many doors for you. Another thing is count your blessings wallahi, you have so many blessings that other people are praying for – focus on and be grateful for them. Allah says if you’re grateful, He’ll increase you in khayr. Envy and Jealousy are all the tricks of shaytaan and won’t get you anywhere, but turn it into something better for you and Allah will open doors you didn’t even know were there.
Hey girl!
Basically I’m in a relationship with a man I really love he means the world to me and I trust no one more than him he’s more quiet and reserved and serious. The thing is I work with a lot of males and sometimes I catch myself playfully flirting with them and being touchy (hands play fighting etc) I automatically tell myself if my man was doing this at work I’d be so livid. So why am I doing this? I find the people I work with esp one guy fun to be around and speak to and because I’m a playful person who likes to have fun we just bounce off each other. I honestly feel like a harlot sometimes and would never even mention such a thing to my man but at the same time I feel something is missing from my relationship and try to find it elsewhere? I don’t know if it’s because I only see him once a week/ I feel bored sometimes. I don’t know how to stop and it’s weighing heavy on me (even though I don’t think it should) Should I continue doing my ting and have fun without telling him Or quit b cause at this point I don’t know how I’d stop?
It definitely makes you a bad partner. If you accept certain treatment from your partner you have to be willing to do the same. My general rule is, if you wouldn’t be doing it in front of your partner you shouldn’t be doing it.
Whilst it feels harmless, its really not. I mean you’re not married so technically you can do what you want. But in my opinion, you are setting a bad tone. Let’s say you do become serious in this relationship and you have decided you want to go the long distance, no one will take your relationship seriously because they saw you flirting whilst you were in a relationship. People will automatically think you don’t rate him.
Finding other people attractive or having a small crush while in a relationship is one thing. But having an ongoing emotional relationship with one person that includes physical attraction knowing you wouldn’t be okay with it if it were reversed is entirely another. Especially when you start saying ‘you guys just bounce off each other’ You’re not a bad person. However if you feel like something is missing in your relationship, address it now or just cut ties. Because this is how cheating starts. Say you want to see him more often, and that you expect more effort. Spending a lot of time apart is why these things start happening.
Anon
3 years ago
hey girlies,
quick question lol. are girls meant to compliment guys they’re talking to. (back story) I’ve been talking to this guy for 6 months ish and whenever he posts I don’t compliment because I don’t know what to say lol without being too cheesy. whenever i would post something he’d always message me with the lovestruck face but whenever he posts i get stuck with what to say lol😭
such an odd question I know but I’m literally so stuck on what to do.
You better start complimenting him girl. Guys like to be gassed up too! Stop thinking its cringe, you should want to make him feel good about himself. The more compliments you give, the more likely he will go even more out of his way to impress you. This is key
Just say something like “oooo you look so good idk what it is”
“Theres just something about that trim!”
Gas him up! Otherwise someone else will
Anon
3 years ago
Hey babe,
So a guy i’ve kinda been with bought me so many gifts and i happily took it but there wasn’t any thought about the gifts. Nothing i’ve wanted or asked for or maybe already bought for myself. Secondly he offered to take me shopping but i refused because i’d rather shop freely but he didn’t offer to give me the money. I just don’t get it?
Communicate what it is you want from him. He can’t read your mind. Tell him you want sentimental gifts, let him know!
And girl, if he offered to take you shopping you should have went with him, not many guys would do that. My husband hates coming shopping with me and tbh I don’t blame him. Not many man want to stand around waiting for you for HOURS. You’re being a bit cheeky here. But yeah, if you want money too, say that
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girl,
So I’ve been with this guy for about 2 years, we got our nikkah done and after he got arrested a few weeks later. He got out on house arrest and I decided to support him through it. However our marriage has suffered because of it. I want to leave but everyone is guilt tripping me into staying because he is going through a hard time. What should I do?
This is no way to start a marriage, but sometimes you are left with the short straw. Maybe this is your test. If you can honestly see light at the end of the tunnel, I would try to see it through.
However if you know deep down in your heart that this isn’t repairable by any means, walk away. Wallahi not many women would be able to put up with this and rightly so, this is a lot to ask. And it’s not fair you have to deal with this. This is not the kind of husband you signed up for.
Hi sisss,
I just need some advice I’m 23 and I think I have committed issues and I get scared of being relationship with a guy, I get bored so easily it’s scary like also I get the ick quickly too but I think i want to get married soon after uni inshaAllah but am I the issue??? I just feel like men in this generation are just trash I can’t not stand any of their bullshit I don’t have the time or energy. I know my worth so why waste it on a man!! I think a lot of men find me intimidating so never really approach me (been told this many times btw). What should I do? Also I hardly ever go out due to my anxiety which I honestly hate sooo much. so how the hell will I ever meet the loml? Omdsss I feel like I’m getting old and it’s scary and I can not trust a man they literally all the same. What should I do? alsooo love this page girl x
The one consistent element in all this is you. What are you looking for in others that they can’t fulfil? It’s likely something missing in yourself. Get a non-boring life. Make sure you are interesting first before expecting someone else to fulfil you. Everything and anything that can fulfil your life. When you build these basic foundations get a partner not to fulfil them for you but to enhance them once already there.
This tendency of yours has nothing to do with who you’re dating. It’s not that you haven’t found “the one,” and it’s not like there’s no-one for you. You’ve likely met the right one several times, and not been ready. Saying stuff like “I’m not able to meet people” “I get bored easily’ or that you can’t trust men is a prime example of you just not being ready to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. You need a more sustainable way to feel content, and you’re not going to find it from a man.
You sound like you’re severely avoidant (possibly fearful-avoidant) in attachment. Basically, you’re so terrified of getting close to anyone that you sabotage your own relationships after a certain period of time, likely by fixating on what’s “wrong” with your partner and probably exaggerating while doing so. The issue is, is you. You need to figure out whatever is it going on internally because you can be open to possible relationships in the future.
I’ve watched this guy slowly fall out of love with me recently and I don’t know what to do. When we first met he used to worship the ground I walked on, always made sure I was content and good, always affectionate. I’m not one to need reassurance but sometimes it’s necessary and it is so necessary for me right now. I do not want to ask him because it hurts every time I think about it. I can’t tell you the last time he showed me any sort of affection surprises or anything but I’m always the first to give it because that is who I am I care about him too much and my heart breaks every single time he does something. He’s changing in front of me and I’m afraid
What you have to learn is that everyone can fall put of love anytime, but we need to find the ones that are willing to fall back in love and if not, at least have the consideration to share what’s going on or at least the respect to explain why. Give him an opportunity to explain himself and if it doesn’t work out, then it is what it is.
Sometimes people just grow apart.
Understand that this has nothing to do with you!. Some people just have their feelings change or they go through something internally that makes them want a change, but that is about THEM. All you can control is yourself.
I’m so drained with my mother. She keeps trying to force me to raise my other siblings. Im so fed up by it. When I tell her I don’t want to because I simply don’t want to she goes on about how she makes food, cleans washes the clothes etc. Don’t get me wrong I help wherever I can. But I’m literally fed up with going to school meetings, having to help with homework. Having to return and answer mails from school. When I addressed this with my mother she always get defensive and talks about how she is tired and that she already raised me, as if I have to return the favor now by raising my siblings 😂😂 My mom doesn’t work and has devoted her life to getting kids masha’Allah but I haven’t. I have a very hard time putting myself first and I really think it stems from the fact that I was forced not to do so by having to raise my siblings. Im so so tired of it. Why is individuality so hated and looked down upon in Somali culture. I really wish I could go about this world sometimes without having to consider x, y and c. Even addressing this whole thing is making me feel guilty and like a caasi. Because I love my mother I really do. But I really don’t want to deal with all of this, working a full time job on the side. It has really made me dislike the idea of getting my own kids someday.
I’m nearly 25 and I’m going to tell you something to took me almost a decade to realise.
You have to put yourself first. Your dreams, your life, your needs. You are always indebted to your parents especially your mother. Always. But know your limits.
These things don’t just happen to you. You’re allowing it. There is ONLY one way to stop them – by saying NO. It is a cliche that “no is a complete sentence” but it is true. You must start saying no.
It’s normal to have these thoughts and it’s normal to feel guilty. Why wouldn’t you feel guilty? She’s your mother. But sometimes you got to start establishing boundaries, especially as you get older. Somali parents unfortunately have this mentality that they can exhaust their children til kingdom come simply because they can. But no, it’s not fair. Help out your parents when you can but leave something for yourself always.
What does it mean when your S/O told you “I love you” 6 months in, tells you nearly 4 years later that his feelings have changed but still wants to work this out and marry me (as currently planned)? What are the chances he will fall back in love with me and is the risk worth it? My goodness, it even sounds insane typing it and looking back at it.
If his feelings have changed, why is he marrying you? Out of convenience? Because he has spent so much time with you he doesn’t see himself starting again with someone else?
Don’t take that risk. Every girl deserves to marry someone who will love them now and in the future. Anything less than that is settling. Yes feelings fluctuate in relationships but unloving someone is completely different. And then implying marriage when you feel like that is lunacy to me.
Focus on trying to work things out unmarried. If it works out, cool continue getting married as planned. If it doesn’t, it is easier to be single after being broken up than divorced and having to go through all those emotions.
What’s an acceptable amount to spend on ur mans m bday gifts? we been together a year and he does everything for me when we go out he pays he’s always there for me supporte me though everything I want to buy him the earth but 💀💀
Nothing more than 300 great british POUNDS. Even 300 is a bit of a stretch to do before you’re married. Just get him one or two things, maybe not even gifts but experiences like tickets to a football game. This buying men the earth thing needs to stop btw. Can’t be having sugar mami energy
When you get married though you can definitely do that
To the girl who asked how to be more happy for others, make dua Allah increases them in it (whatever it is you’re looking at that they have). Honestly, that one quick simple thing extinguishes any fire your heart has and Allah is so amazing subhanallah. When you wish something good for someone, the angels say Ameen to you too. So yeah, use the energy you’ve given them to wish and pray they get better instead of being envious and when you see people do better you’re naturally just happier because it’s what you pray for anyway! And subhanallah, Allah opens so so many doors for you. Another thing is count your blessings wallahi, you have so many blessings that other people are praying for – focus on and be grateful for them. Allah says if you’re grateful, He’ll increase you in khayr. Envy and Jealousy are all the tricks of shaytaan and won’t get you anywhere, but turn it into something better for you and Allah will open doors you didn’t even know were there.
I love this!
Hey girl!
Basically I’m in a relationship with a man I really love he means the world to me and I trust no one more than him he’s more quiet and reserved and serious. The thing is I work with a lot of males and sometimes I catch myself playfully flirting with them and being touchy (hands play fighting etc) I automatically tell myself if my man was doing this at work I’d be so livid. So why am I doing this? I find the people I work with esp one guy fun to be around and speak to and because I’m a playful person who likes to have fun we just bounce off each other. I honestly feel like a harlot sometimes and would never even mention such a thing to my man but at the same time I feel something is missing from my relationship and try to find it elsewhere? I don’t know if it’s because I only see him once a week/ I feel bored sometimes. I don’t know how to stop and it’s weighing heavy on me (even though I don’t think it should) Should I continue doing my ting and have fun without telling him Or quit b cause at this point I don’t know how I’d stop?
Any help appreciated xxx
It definitely makes you a bad partner. If you accept certain treatment from your partner you have to be willing to do the same. My general rule is, if you wouldn’t be doing it in front of your partner you shouldn’t be doing it.
Whilst it feels harmless, its really not. I mean you’re not married so technically you can do what you want. But in my opinion, you are setting a bad tone. Let’s say you do become serious in this relationship and you have decided you want to go the long distance, no one will take your relationship seriously because they saw you flirting whilst you were in a relationship. People will automatically think you don’t rate him.
Finding other people attractive or having a small crush while in a relationship is one thing. But having an ongoing emotional relationship with one person that includes physical attraction knowing you wouldn’t be okay with it if it were reversed is entirely another. Especially when you start saying ‘you guys just bounce off each other’ You’re not a bad person. However if you feel like something is missing in your relationship, address it now or just cut ties. Because this is how cheating starts. Say you want to see him more often, and that you expect more effort. Spending a lot of time apart is why these things start happening.
hey girlies,
quick question lol. are girls meant to compliment guys they’re talking to. (back story) I’ve been talking to this guy for 6 months ish and whenever he posts I don’t compliment because I don’t know what to say lol without being too cheesy. whenever i would post something he’d always message me with the lovestruck face but whenever he posts i get stuck with what to say lol😭
such an odd question I know but I’m literally so stuck on what to do.
You better start complimenting him girl. Guys like to be gassed up too! Stop thinking its cringe, you should want to make him feel good about himself. The more compliments you give, the more likely he will go even more out of his way to impress you. This is key
Just say something like “oooo you look so good idk what it is”
“Theres just something about that trim!”
Gas him up! Otherwise someone else will
Hey babe,
So a guy i’ve kinda been with bought me so many gifts and i happily took it but there wasn’t any thought about the gifts. Nothing i’ve wanted or asked for or maybe already bought for myself. Secondly he offered to take me shopping but i refused because i’d rather shop freely but he didn’t offer to give me the money. I just don’t get it?
Communicate what it is you want from him. He can’t read your mind. Tell him you want sentimental gifts, let him know!
And girl, if he offered to take you shopping you should have went with him, not many guys would do that. My husband hates coming shopping with me and tbh I don’t blame him. Not many man want to stand around waiting for you for HOURS. You’re being a bit cheeky here. But yeah, if you want money too, say that
Hey girl,
So I’ve been with this guy for about 2 years, we got our nikkah done and after he got arrested a few weeks later. He got out on house arrest and I decided to support him through it. However our marriage has suffered because of it. I want to leave but everyone is guilt tripping me into staying because he is going through a hard time. What should I do?
This is no way to start a marriage, but sometimes you are left with the short straw. Maybe this is your test. If you can honestly see light at the end of the tunnel, I would try to see it through.
However if you know deep down in your heart that this isn’t repairable by any means, walk away. Wallahi not many women would be able to put up with this and rightly so, this is a lot to ask. And it’s not fair you have to deal with this. This is not the kind of husband you signed up for.