I’ve gained around 10kg in the last 5-6 months (depression and life has been pretty awful). I don’t know if my man finds me attractive anymore. I’ve never been this big in my life and feel disgusting but I’m just always so low and it’s hard to leave that
You won’t be 100% happy until you lose this weight. Don’t worry about what he thinks of you, because thats not important. What is important is what you think of yourself. You want to feel better about yourself? Work towards losing the weight you don’t like. Start slow, stop eating after 6pm, drink 2 litres, go gym twice a week until you’re ready to commit to more days.
Anon
3 years ago
I feel like I owe you guys an update, along with the several people who come across my situation and voiced their opinions. Its me, the girl who’s in a relationship with a married man. First thing I want to say is we’re moving forward and we’re getting married. He wanted to marry me since day one, but I was still young and in uni but I graduated a few months ago and I work in a very rewarding field and I feel like its the perfect time. I am the one who would always avoid the marriage talk with him because he would bring it up so often but I wasn’t ready and he respected that and told me he will wait for the day I was ready and alhamdulilah, that time has come. Hes supported me from day one and he’s just a perfect person, mashallah. We’re getting married, and he’s coming to ask for my hand next week and we set a date for the wedding early June. I’ve gotten some mixed responses from my family members because they think I’m so young to be making this huge move; marrying a man who has a wife but quite frankly; he’s my dream husband and I’m glad to have found him so early in my life. It takes a lot of maturity and courage to do what I am doing, and I know the territory that comes with being a second wife but I couldn’t miss my opportunity to a bright future with a great man so I am moving forward. To my fellow ladies, your future husband might be a married man, go explore and don’t settle. Would appreciate duas.
Hey Lula! My dilemma is more family related. It’s less of a dilemma and more of me just ranting about my past trauma lool sorryy in advance!!
My mum has been in an abusive relationship with my dad for 25 years. He used to hit her a lot back in the days, has never paid a single bill in the house, took her benefits money and used it on khat and cigarettes which he used to eat in the house when we were kids. I always saw my dad say nasty stuff to my mum. When I was younger I couldn’t sleep at all at night. I used to eavesdrop outside my parents room just to hear if my dad was about to put hands on my mum and stop it in case it happened. I started doing this when I was 6 and carried on doing this up until I was like 10. My parents never found out that I was eavesdropping. Then when I was 11, I came back from school and I saw my mum crying because my dad broke my mums arm. I had to take her to a&e and lie to the doctors that she had an accident. When I was 6, I was such a little nerd who wanted 100% attendance at school. My mum was so scared one morning she begged me to stay at home because she was scared of my dad. They had a big fight. I begged her to let me go. Fast forward to today, I’m 23. My parents are still married but don’t live in the same house. The fact that my mum never spoke out about the abuse she went through and the fact that she’s still besties with him literally urcks my soul. Chile anyways I moved to Qatar and I work there and honestly my life is so peaceful. I’m so happy I put myself first wallahi. No more pretending like everything is okay at home to my friends and family. I finally started a new life. Now my mum is begging me to come back to the UK and move back home unless I find someone and marry them. I honestly think she wants me back because my neighbourhood are so nosey and probs think I’m a hoe because I moved abroad alone. I said no and told her how I’m doing me and don’t ever want to get married. Bro I even send her money every month. But now she’s crying on the phone and telling me to come back home and I honestly feel so bad. Should I go back home or just stand firm in my decision?
Btw Im really sorry about how long this dilemma is i ramble a lot
I once heard someone say that children should not be born with a job – it’s not their job to fix their parents’ failing or unhappy marriage, or to give their parents a sense of fulfilment, or to be their parents’ friend, confidant or therapist.
Children leave the ‘nest’ so that they can continue to grow to their full potential – gaining independence is often a vital part of people’s development. This is also a bittersweet moment for many parents – there is often sadness because the home may seem lonely and also because the parents have to re-evaluate their self-identities and roles as parents, but there’s a lot of joy and fulfilment, because parents can feel pride that their children have grown up to become capable and mature adults who are able to make it on their own, and also because an empty nest gives parents more time for themselves.
For some parents, such as yours, this moment is more bitter than sweet. You’re not a bad daughter. You said yourself you’re much happier now and you deserve that. It’s understandable that your mum misses you. I think you should try to visit or call her more often so she doesn’t feel as lonely but do not cave and go back home because leaving will be really really hard. Remind her that you’ve made a life for yourself, and that you are happy and are at peace!
But here’s what you need to know: it is not a child’s responsibility to give their parents’ life meaning. Being a parent is a selfless act. Don’t feel guilty because you don’t want to go back to the place that is a constant reminder of all the childhood trauma you experienced. Set boundaries with your mum. Visit her often, and everytime you visit, remind her that this is not permanent.
Extend your mum some grace though, wallahi God knows what our mothers go through.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls!
Ok so, last year I was able to marry the absolute love of my life and best friend Alhamdulillah. I cannot fault anything about him MashaAllah. The only thing is, I’ve had these intrusive thoughts about a (married) colleague on and off for the last two years. They tend to be fantasies or just ‘what if’ sort of thoughts. I have never done or said anything to this man because it is clearly terrible and I plan on never acting on it because I am obviously married to the love of my life. I avoid this man at work as much as I can but when I see him I just feel this mutual awkward tension. I honestly don’t know if I have some weird issues which mean I am attracted to this man because of his unavailability? It’s so confusing and frustrating for me to find myself thinking about him sometimes even though our relationship is strictly professional. What’s going on with me girls? How do I get rid of these intrusive thoughts because the guilt is killing me. Again, I would never ever act on any of them but even the thoughts make me worry bc seriously what’s going on with me? I’m in a stable happy relationship but I find myself having bad thoughts about someone else? Help!!!!
Instead of picturing him and his escapades, picture you and your own….. start actively looking for your fantasy. Everything you’re imagining with this new colleague, picture doing that with your husband instead.
Also be honest with yourself, and do this constantly. Remind yourself that you’re mostly interested in the “something new” rather than the person themselves. Okay you’re going to find other people attractive but just remind myself that when you do, it’s mostly physical of course but it’s also because it’s new to YOU. And guess what? That WILL go away in every relationship so is it really worth it to throw away or risk your very valuable relationship over something “new”? If that makes sense. Place less value on the butterflies and new fling and more value on your strong, amazing relationship. Because inevitably, for periods of time, the butterflies go away. But its up to you and your husband to keep things fresh and new! Spice it up abit, be more fun, more spontaneous.
I don’t think these feelings are abnormal no, I feel like if more people were honest, they’d say at some point they had these intrusive thoughts too. Most of these thoughts come from what you’re lacking in the relationship, not because you’re genuinely interested in this person. Rarely rather do cheaters end up with the other person.
Realise what the error is, and correct it. No problem. Don’t feel guilty sis
Anon
3 years ago
As-Salama Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu. May Allah SWT grant whoever is reading this the biggest blessings Allahuma Amin May Allah SWT guide you to the right path and make you amongst the people of Jannah Allahumma ameen. So my my question is whenever the podcast comes will there be guests on it or will it be only you guys? May Allah SWT grant you guys success in this life and the here after.
There’s this guy I’ve been talking to only for like 4 months. Turns out he just loves getting involved in womens business. Always talking about recycled Twitter topics and I found his Twitter account. He acc talks like a bitch. Constantly going back and forth with women on the tl. So I wanna cut it off with him but the thing is I’ve never spoken to a guy nor have I ghosted a guy before. So I was wondering how do you ghost a guy?
btw just a tip for the girlies, STAY AWAY FROM ANY MAN WHO HAS A TWITTER ACCOUNT
Ghost a guy by slowly cutting contact and then just stop replying all together. He’ll get the picture.
You are absolutely right to dead things though, he is far too jobless for my liking. Be gone!
Anon
3 years ago
Hi! So basically I’m 21 & I was speaking to this guy for about a year things were perfect however eventually I got tired of him so I just blocked him. He tried to get in contact with me through a friend, but I didn’t bother responding or unblocking him. Almost a year later and I can’t stop thinking about him, whenever something exciting happens in my life or whenever I’m upset about things he’s the first person that comes to my mind because he would usually comfort me or be happy with me. By now it’s definitely too late to reach out so what do you suggest I do? I have not spoken to a single guy since and I mostly think that’s because unconsciously I realise that I may not have that same connection with someone else. Another part of me realised that I’m still young and that he may have just been someone that’s just passing by but I honestly don’t know what to do
It’s too last to apologiseeeeee its too lateeeeeeee
No seriously, its really too late. If you guys ended this on a good note, you can always revisit. But you literally blocked him because you got bored. He even tried to REACH out to you, and you still ignored him. If I was him, I would never hit you up again.
Move on girl
Anon
3 years ago
Hi girls, I wanted some advice on how to approach the idea of a girls trip to a mother who’s very against it. I’m 21, pay my bills and fund my own lifestyle so money isn’t the issue. Also my mum knows all my friends and Alhamdulilah I’ve been blessed with some very good friends who are not the type to ‘party’ which my mother knows.
Any tips in how to convince her? JazakAllah khayr!!
The trick is to not ask for permission. Book and say you’re going. If she is concerned, then let her feel at ease about it. “Don’t worry hoyo, we’re staying at a resort, everything is in there and we don’t have to leave. My phone is always going to be on”/
Better yet, she knows who your friends are, thats perfect. Let her know who is coming and so forth. But do not ask her for permission.
Anon
3 years ago
I love this page so much! May Allah swt bless you and Ladan immensely for doing this ameen! If you dont mind me asking, how did you and your husband meet?
And I met him coming home from an event, I was outside and about to leave and then we met. Ended up talking for hours until like 2am or something and then we had our first date that day (in the evening). We were both keen to see each other again. If I was younger, I would have probably said act boujiee and keep him waiting but I’m glad I didn’t LMAO. When you both have the same energy, both keen to spend time together and you actually do it, wallahi so much fun. Best fun I’ve ever had in my life, and I do be having fun
Anon
3 years ago
Hi girls
Every time we have a major argument he leaves me alone? I am sure he’s aware that would make things worse and I understand leaving me alone for a few hours (heat of the moment) is fine but he hears my voice breaking and that I’m upset over the phone but all he ever says “I can hear this is making you upset I will leave you alone and won’t bother you again”…he doesn’t sound like someone that cares. Once upon a time he did, but his words his actions are hurting me. I feel so hurt , I cry most days and most nights (this is whenever we argue and it’s damn we’ll frequent). I don’t know when’s the last time we were happy and I can only imagine how he’s feeling. That’s the problem with me I’ve been thinking about him and how he’s feeling but he doesn’t say a word my pride and ego is way too high. I’m so sad man and I wanna scream it from the rooftops but I can’t because that’s just not who I am.
Sorry if I’m babbling on I’m just Overwhelmed and tired of being upset. That is just 25% of what goes on there’s so much more but I say more I’ll just cry even more. No one notices in the house that I’m upset, down or that I’ve been crying , there’s no one I can speak to to let them know I’ve prayed and cried cause that’s all I can do. I haven’t been to work in days and Man it’s sucks I never thought it would get like this and I haven’t even left yet
1. Either your man is really in the wrong, a terrible man who can’t communicate at all, and who is emotionally manipulating you by leaving every single time you argue. This is not fixable. For this, you just leave. Also newsflash, couples always are gonna argue. He is a stupid man to think otherwise. You always have to be able to communicate in relationships, otherwise it’ll lead to another cycle of contiously arguing.
2. This is a dynamic that you’re both feeding, and there is some way to address it. I guess I’m going to centre my analysis around this, even though imo you should leave.
What are you fighting over and is it worth the agro? If it’s not, than this is really a personal issue that you have to address within yourself. Its not healthy to fight over every single thing, it just tears you guys apart.
But now, if what you guys are arguing about is really a big deal, and this is how he reacts – pattern it. Make it very clear that this is not the kind of man you want. Women are bond to always be emotional, it comes with being a woman. It’d be okay if he wanted to walk away and talk about it later. Some people are prone to acting on emotions and would prefer to cool off first before talking so they don’t say or do anything they don’t mean. However, your man doesn’t seem to have any intentions to resolve the problems and it’d be a waste of time to continue with the relationships. You’d have a problem, he’d leave for a few days, act like nothing happened and then the problem resurfaces later down the line.
Also, idk who needs to tell you this but you shouldn’t be this sad in your relationship. Crying every day is not healthy? What more needs to happen for you to realise your spirit is not HAPPY. Wallahi sometimes it takes you leaving the relationship for your partner to fix the fuck up. But me personally, I wouldn’t even care if he says he wants to resolve this and do better. If you can see me cry and you still walk away? My goodness, nah I can’t speak to you after that. Kindness and having empathy was the upmost important thing to me when looking for my future partner. Without that, to me there was nothing else. Especially coming from a person who really didn’t hear ‘I love you’ ‘what do you need’ ‘I will help you’ a lot growing up. Mate I was going to fucking have that in my relationship by force. I would have waited 10 years being single if I had to, I don’t mind being single. If I am not able to feel safe and weak with you, I don’t need to be here. I need a confident, my happy place. This guy is neither of those things for you, and because of that, doesn’t need to be here.
The only thing stopping you from leaving is your fear of being alone. But look at the situation and take it for what it is. You are already alone. You are already experiencing the same emotions you would had you guys broken up.
I’ve gained around 10kg in the last 5-6 months (depression and life has been pretty awful). I don’t know if my man finds me attractive anymore. I’ve never been this big in my life and feel disgusting but I’m just always so low and it’s hard to leave that
You won’t be 100% happy until you lose this weight. Don’t worry about what he thinks of you, because thats not important. What is important is what you think of yourself. You want to feel better about yourself? Work towards losing the weight you don’t like. Start slow, stop eating after 6pm, drink 2 litres, go gym twice a week until you’re ready to commit to more days.
I feel like I owe you guys an update, along with the several people who come across my situation and voiced their opinions. Its me, the girl who’s in a relationship with a married man. First thing I want to say is we’re moving forward and we’re getting married. He wanted to marry me since day one, but I was still young and in uni but I graduated a few months ago and I work in a very rewarding field and I feel like its the perfect time. I am the one who would always avoid the marriage talk with him because he would bring it up so often but I wasn’t ready and he respected that and told me he will wait for the day I was ready and alhamdulilah, that time has come. Hes supported me from day one and he’s just a perfect person, mashallah. We’re getting married, and he’s coming to ask for my hand next week and we set a date for the wedding early June. I’ve gotten some mixed responses from my family members because they think I’m so young to be making this huge move; marrying a man who has a wife but quite frankly; he’s my dream husband and I’m glad to have found him so early in my life. It takes a lot of maturity and courage to do what I am doing, and I know the territory that comes with being a second wife but I couldn’t miss my opportunity to a bright future with a great man so I am moving forward. To my fellow ladies, your future husband might be a married man, go explore and don’t settle. Would appreciate duas.
Stay bright darlings, xxx
Damn. Inshallah it goes well though
Hey Lula! My dilemma is more family related. It’s less of a dilemma and more of me just ranting about my past trauma lool sorryy in advance!!
My mum has been in an abusive relationship with my dad for 25 years. He used to hit her a lot back in the days, has never paid a single bill in the house, took her benefits money and used it on khat and cigarettes which he used to eat in the house when we were kids. I always saw my dad say nasty stuff to my mum. When I was younger I couldn’t sleep at all at night. I used to eavesdrop outside my parents room just to hear if my dad was about to put hands on my mum and stop it in case it happened. I started doing this when I was 6 and carried on doing this up until I was like 10. My parents never found out that I was eavesdropping. Then when I was 11, I came back from school and I saw my mum crying because my dad broke my mums arm. I had to take her to a&e and lie to the doctors that she had an accident. When I was 6, I was such a little nerd who wanted 100% attendance at school. My mum was so scared one morning she begged me to stay at home because she was scared of my dad. They had a big fight. I begged her to let me go. Fast forward to today, I’m 23. My parents are still married but don’t live in the same house. The fact that my mum never spoke out about the abuse she went through and the fact that she’s still besties with him literally urcks my soul. Chile anyways I moved to Qatar and I work there and honestly my life is so peaceful. I’m so happy I put myself first wallahi. No more pretending like everything is okay at home to my friends and family. I finally started a new life. Now my mum is begging me to come back to the UK and move back home unless I find someone and marry them. I honestly think she wants me back because my neighbourhood are so nosey and probs think I’m a hoe because I moved abroad alone. I said no and told her how I’m doing me and don’t ever want to get married. Bro I even send her money every month. But now she’s crying on the phone and telling me to come back home and I honestly feel so bad. Should I go back home or just stand firm in my decision?
Btw Im really sorry about how long this dilemma is i ramble a lot
I once heard someone say that children should not be born with a job – it’s not their job to fix their parents’ failing or unhappy marriage, or to give their parents a sense of fulfilment, or to be their parents’ friend, confidant or therapist.
Children leave the ‘nest’ so that they can continue to grow to their full potential – gaining independence is often a vital part of people’s development. This is also a bittersweet moment for many parents – there is often sadness because the home may seem lonely and also because the parents have to re-evaluate their self-identities and roles as parents, but there’s a lot of joy and fulfilment, because parents can feel pride that their children have grown up to become capable and mature adults who are able to make it on their own, and also because an empty nest gives parents more time for themselves.
For some parents, such as yours, this moment is more bitter than sweet. You’re not a bad daughter. You said yourself you’re much happier now and you deserve that. It’s understandable that your mum misses you. I think you should try to visit or call her more often so she doesn’t feel as lonely but do not cave and go back home because leaving will be really really hard. Remind her that you’ve made a life for yourself, and that you are happy and are at peace!
But here’s what you need to know: it is not a child’s responsibility to give their parents’ life meaning. Being a parent is a selfless act. Don’t feel guilty because you don’t want to go back to the place that is a constant reminder of all the childhood trauma you experienced. Set boundaries with your mum. Visit her often, and everytime you visit, remind her that this is not permanent.
Extend your mum some grace though, wallahi God knows what our mothers go through.
Hey girls!
Ok so, last year I was able to marry the absolute love of my life and best friend Alhamdulillah. I cannot fault anything about him MashaAllah. The only thing is, I’ve had these intrusive thoughts about a (married) colleague on and off for the last two years. They tend to be fantasies or just ‘what if’ sort of thoughts. I have never done or said anything to this man because it is clearly terrible and I plan on never acting on it because I am obviously married to the love of my life. I avoid this man at work as much as I can but when I see him I just feel this mutual awkward tension. I honestly don’t know if I have some weird issues which mean I am attracted to this man because of his unavailability? It’s so confusing and frustrating for me to find myself thinking about him sometimes even though our relationship is strictly professional. What’s going on with me girls? How do I get rid of these intrusive thoughts because the guilt is killing me. Again, I would never ever act on any of them but even the thoughts make me worry bc seriously what’s going on with me? I’m in a stable happy relationship but I find myself having bad thoughts about someone else? Help!!!!
Go with the opposite
Instead of picturing him and his escapades, picture you and your own….. start actively looking for your fantasy. Everything you’re imagining with this new colleague, picture doing that with your husband instead.
Also be honest with yourself, and do this constantly. Remind yourself that you’re mostly interested in the “something new” rather than the person themselves. Okay you’re going to find other people attractive but just remind myself that when you do, it’s mostly physical of course but it’s also because it’s new to YOU. And guess what? That WILL go away in every relationship so is it really worth it to throw away or risk your very valuable relationship over something “new”? If that makes sense. Place less value on the butterflies and new fling and more value on your strong, amazing relationship. Because inevitably, for periods of time, the butterflies go away. But its up to you and your husband to keep things fresh and new! Spice it up abit, be more fun, more spontaneous.
I don’t think these feelings are abnormal no, I feel like if more people were honest, they’d say at some point they had these intrusive thoughts too. Most of these thoughts come from what you’re lacking in the relationship, not because you’re genuinely interested in this person. Rarely rather do cheaters end up with the other person.
Realise what the error is, and correct it. No problem. Don’t feel guilty sis
As-Salama Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu. May Allah SWT grant whoever is reading this the biggest blessings Allahuma Amin May Allah SWT guide you to the right path and make you amongst the people of Jannah Allahumma ameen. So my my question is whenever the podcast comes will there be guests on it or will it be only you guys? May Allah SWT grant you guys success in this life and the here after.
Ameen ameen!
Hi girls!
There’s this guy I’ve been talking to only for like 4 months. Turns out he just loves getting involved in womens business. Always talking about recycled Twitter topics and I found his Twitter account. He acc talks like a bitch. Constantly going back and forth with women on the tl. So I wanna cut it off with him but the thing is I’ve never spoken to a guy nor have I ghosted a guy before. So I was wondering how do you ghost a guy?
btw just a tip for the girlies, STAY AWAY FROM ANY MAN WHO HAS A TWITTER ACCOUNT
Ghost a guy by slowly cutting contact and then just stop replying all together. He’ll get the picture.
You are absolutely right to dead things though, he is far too jobless for my liking. Be gone!
Hi! So basically I’m 21 & I was speaking to this guy for about a year things were perfect however eventually I got tired of him so I just blocked him. He tried to get in contact with me through a friend, but I didn’t bother responding or unblocking him. Almost a year later and I can’t stop thinking about him, whenever something exciting happens in my life or whenever I’m upset about things he’s the first person that comes to my mind because he would usually comfort me or be happy with me. By now it’s definitely too late to reach out so what do you suggest I do? I have not spoken to a single guy since and I mostly think that’s because unconsciously I realise that I may not have that same connection with someone else. Another part of me realised that I’m still young and that he may have just been someone that’s just passing by but I honestly don’t know what to do
It’s too last to apologiseeeeee its too lateeeeeeee
No seriously, its really too late. If you guys ended this on a good note, you can always revisit. But you literally blocked him because you got bored. He even tried to REACH out to you, and you still ignored him. If I was him, I would never hit you up again.
Move on girl
Hi girls, I wanted some advice on how to approach the idea of a girls trip to a mother who’s very against it. I’m 21, pay my bills and fund my own lifestyle so money isn’t the issue. Also my mum knows all my friends and Alhamdulilah I’ve been blessed with some very good friends who are not the type to ‘party’ which my mother knows.
Any tips in how to convince her? JazakAllah khayr!!
The trick is to not ask for permission. Book and say you’re going. If she is concerned, then let her feel at ease about it. “Don’t worry hoyo, we’re staying at a resort, everything is in there and we don’t have to leave. My phone is always going to be on”/
Better yet, she knows who your friends are, thats perfect. Let her know who is coming and so forth. But do not ask her for permission.
I love this page so much! May Allah swt bless you and Ladan immensely for doing this ameen! If you dont mind me asking, how did you and your husband meet?
Awww thank you ! Ameen ameen!
And I met him coming home from an event, I was outside and about to leave and then we met. Ended up talking for hours until like 2am or something and then we had our first date that day (in the evening). We were both keen to see each other again. If I was younger, I would have probably said act boujiee and keep him waiting but I’m glad I didn’t LMAO. When you both have the same energy, both keen to spend time together and you actually do it, wallahi so much fun. Best fun I’ve ever had in my life, and I do be having fun
Hi girls
Every time we have a major argument he leaves me alone? I am sure he’s aware that would make things worse and I understand leaving me alone for a few hours (heat of the moment) is fine but he hears my voice breaking and that I’m upset over the phone but all he ever says “I can hear this is making you upset I will leave you alone and won’t bother you again”…he doesn’t sound like someone that cares. Once upon a time he did, but his words his actions are hurting me. I feel so hurt , I cry most days and most nights (this is whenever we argue and it’s damn we’ll frequent). I don’t know when’s the last time we were happy and I can only imagine how he’s feeling. That’s the problem with me I’ve been thinking about him and how he’s feeling but he doesn’t say a word my pride and ego is way too high. I’m so sad man and I wanna scream it from the rooftops but I can’t because that’s just not who I am.
Sorry if I’m babbling on I’m just Overwhelmed and tired of being upset. That is just 25% of what goes on there’s so much more but I say more I’ll just cry even more. No one notices in the house that I’m upset, down or that I’ve been crying , there’s no one I can speak to to let them know I’ve prayed and cried cause that’s all I can do. I haven’t been to work in days and Man it’s sucks I never thought it would get like this and I haven’t even left yet
So what is keeping you there?
There are 2 options here:
1. Either your man is really in the wrong, a terrible man who can’t communicate at all, and who is emotionally manipulating you by leaving every single time you argue. This is not fixable. For this, you just leave. Also newsflash, couples always are gonna argue. He is a stupid man to think otherwise. You always have to be able to communicate in relationships, otherwise it’ll lead to another cycle of contiously arguing.
2. This is a dynamic that you’re both feeding, and there is some way to address it. I guess I’m going to centre my analysis around this, even though imo you should leave.
What are you fighting over and is it worth the agro? If it’s not, than this is really a personal issue that you have to address within yourself. Its not healthy to fight over every single thing, it just tears you guys apart.
But now, if what you guys are arguing about is really a big deal, and this is how he reacts – pattern it. Make it very clear that this is not the kind of man you want. Women are bond to always be emotional, it comes with being a woman. It’d be okay if he wanted to walk away and talk about it later. Some people are prone to acting on emotions and would prefer to cool off first before talking so they don’t say or do anything they don’t mean. However, your man doesn’t seem to have any intentions to resolve the problems and it’d be a waste of time to continue with the relationships. You’d have a problem, he’d leave for a few days, act like nothing happened and then the problem resurfaces later down the line.
Also, idk who needs to tell you this but you shouldn’t be this sad in your relationship. Crying every day is not healthy? What more needs to happen for you to realise your spirit is not HAPPY. Wallahi sometimes it takes you leaving the relationship for your partner to fix the fuck up. But me personally, I wouldn’t even care if he says he wants to resolve this and do better. If you can see me cry and you still walk away? My goodness, nah I can’t speak to you after that. Kindness and having empathy was the upmost important thing to me when looking for my future partner. Without that, to me there was nothing else. Especially coming from a person who really didn’t hear ‘I love you’ ‘what do you need’ ‘I will help you’ a lot growing up. Mate I was going to fucking have that in my relationship by force. I would have waited 10 years being single if I had to, I don’t mind being single. If I am not able to feel safe and weak with you, I don’t need to be here. I need a confident, my happy place. This guy is neither of those things for you, and because of that, doesn’t need to be here.
The only thing stopping you from leaving is your fear of being alone. But look at the situation and take it for what it is. You are already alone. You are already experiencing the same emotions you would had you guys broken up.