I’ve been talking to this guy for 8 months now. He is soo sweet, very very very thoughtful and all round such a great partner and human. Now he’s talking about marriage because he wants to keep it halal. He’s booked his flight back home to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. I proper fell for this guy and I think he’s the one. BUT the one red flag is the fact that we’ve only been talking for 8 months. Do you think I should tell him to chill for a bit so we can get to know each other more or shall I go ahead and marry him?
He can ask for your hand but that doesn’t mean you have to get married tomorrow. In fact, maybe its actually better this way. Now you guys can get to know each other legitimately and he’s made it clear to your Father that he has good intentions with you. You guys can get married a year from now even, it doesn’t matter.
But on another note, I love his energy!! Yes king
Anon
3 years ago
When you’re talking to someone seriously when should you start saying babe?
I’m currently speaking to someone and it’s been about 6 months now and anyone that knows me knows babe is literally in my vocabulary. I’ll say it to all of my girls, but with him idk i’m like too shy to say it lol.
Calling each other babe and other pet names just happen. They will fall out of your mouth or you will start calling each other something weird based off of an inside joke or something. Forcing it is going to make things weird and awkward, unless that’s what you’re going for. Maybe one day randomly call him babe and see how you feel then
Anon
3 years ago
Hey Lula! I’ve been following you on Twitter for years and I honestly love love your tweets! You speak the haqq!
My dilemma is more to do with food and health if that’s okay. I’ve made the conscious decision to lose weight and just have a glow up overall. I’m tired of staying at home 24/7. I want to feel attractive again. So I weigh 85kg. Do you have any particular healthy shakes i can drink in the morning that tastes really nice? Also I want to make salads/ healthy food. I want my salad to be healthy but I need it to have a lot of taste but I don’t know what sauces to add. Do you have any tips? Also do you follow any influencers who can help me? I’m a Somali girl so my food having taste is a major major thing for me loool
When I was in my GCSE levels,I met someone at school. I don’t want to get too much into detail with it but subhanallah, the connection we shared was insane. At that young age, I kinda knew it was so weird and unhealthy for me to be feeling so infatuated with someone and them sharing the same feelings so I decided to cut them off after a year. No soul but me and him knew about our connection. Everyday for a couple of years I’ve thought about him, and I tried my best to forget. The first year I prayed and prayed and met so many new people and had numerous crushes and tried to forget him, but I couldn’t. Two years in, I was walking home and he was driving around where I was walking and subhanllah its like every time I saw him, time stopped for both of us. We’d notice each other immediately and just stare for a while. After another year or so I got so sick and tired of him always being on my mind. Mind you, we had each other on socials but nothing more than that. Nothing since we were 15-16. I prayed to Allah recently that If he wasn’t the one for me to erase him from my mind. I’ve been doing that for the past couple of years but this time I prayed on it. I was sooo sick of having thoughts about him that I couldn’t get out of my mind even though we weren’t sharing any type of communication . Finally, I started to forget about him.. and I was happy, felt like I was finally moving on. maybe around a month later, It was raining and I was driving, and in the highway full of cars, him in his car and me in mine, we saw each other again, we were both driving, not even staring at the road but at each other.. and just like when we were 16, time stopped for both of us. It wasn’t until I got to my loft that I realized this could be the answer for my du’aa or shaydaan playing with me for a whole 5-6 years. I need advice. I talk to so many guys, but in the back of my head, I know no one will compare to him.
Wallahi how muslim girls seem to romanticise and hold onto the smallest things will never cease to amaze me honestly
Listen to yourself. Other than driving past you, what has he done for you to make you think no one will ever compare to him? That’s a big statement to make. You’re making into a bigger thing than it needs to be. If he felt the connection you speak of, he would have made a move in the last 5-6 years, but he hasn’t.
Put yourself out there in the dating world to kinda prove to yourself that you have other options instead of holding the same flame from 5-6 years ago.
Anon
3 years ago
Salaam Guys,
Hope you’re well and are filled with blessings in the upcoming year inshallah.
Also, thank you so much for making this page.
Sorry for the long post.
So I met this guy a few years ago at uni. I thought he was cute and caught feelings. Guess you could say we were mates for about a year.
A year later, I met a girl at uni and became good friends with her.
She’s the sweetest girl ever tbh.
A few months later, I found out her and the guy I was crushing on were mates and knew each other. I didn’t know that before since we never spoke about him at all.
She didn’t realise that I knew him and I never realised that she knew him either.
Long story short, they both started dating.
They make such a cute couple mashallah.
But at the same time, it hurt me to see them together.
So I just started to avoid them both. I thought if I avoid him completely and don’t engage with him, these feelings will go away.
It’s been 4 years sis and I still have feelings for him. It makes me feel so disgusted at myself for liking someone who’s now my friends man.
I’ve started to wake up at tahajjud and pray that Alllah removes these feelings from my heart.
Sometimes I just sit there and cry. Not because I want to be with him but because I hate the fact that I’m yearning for someone who’s not mine.
I know that me and him are not meant to be and I know that this is a test from Allah.
But sometimes i get so frustrated that I like someone who’s not mine to this extent. What the hell is wrong with me man.
I always make Dua for them both. They’re both people I really love and respect and I never want them to be harmed in any way.
I pray that Allah protects them from any evil and I pray that Allah doesn’t allow me to become someone who has evil intentions towards anyone.
I pray that Allah fills their lives with happiness because they’re genuinely good people.
I guess I’m just trying to ask for advice on what to do. I want these feelings gone but i really don’t know how to make them go away.
The only thing you can do is distance yourself from them. You need to be doing your best to actually get over these feelings by putting distance between you and avoiding being alone with them instead of continuing to orbit them and fanning the flames of your infatuation.
If it makes you feel better, you are not deeply in love with him. He fits perfectly into your idea of what a good fantasy partner looks and acts like, so you want him for yourself. But you know nothing about how he gets when he gets mad, how he acts when he feels snide and nasty, how he handles pressures and uncomfortable situations and temptations. You like him because you just do. Thats it. Theres not real reason why you think he’s the one for you. All of that has nothing to do with love or compatibility or whether he’s even a good person. Remind yourself that you are only crushing on a highlight reel instead of a full person, and take a step back and find a different thing to focus on.
Hey sis I really need some advice. I’ve been with this guy for about 3 years. He’s very loving and affectionate. He’s also financially stable and has a well paid graduate job. I’m in my final year of university and we both intend to get married as soon as I graduate. The main issue is that after I graduate I have to complete a 2 year on-the-job training programme/ preceptorship and would prefer not to have kids during this time. I’ve tried to explain this to him but he said that he’s already waited 3 years for me to finish university and that we shouldn’t wait any longer for kids. He has also said he’s happy to support financially while I look after the newborn. I understand there’s a lot pressure on his side as all 6 of his siblings are married and have kids, but I would like to get my career off the ground first before having kids.
Am I selfish for wanting to put my career first before having kids?
I’m also against the idea of using contraception behind his back as I would want our marriage to be open and honest. Any advice xxx
Also, the best way to get rid of baby fever is have your cousins/or nieces over for a week. When he sees how much effort you have to put in entertaining children, he will wake up and smell the coffee. Waking up at 7am on a weekend to feed kids? OOO he is going to hate that one
He is very idealistic. Kids are hard work and I don’t think he realises that yet. Educate him on post partum too, is he ready for all that? My husband was definitely one of those people who wanted kids soon, but when he got to experience all the freedom he has now, his game room, the disposable income, the fact he can wake up and go sleep whenever he wants, ooo he loves it here.
Tell him you guys should first see how married life is and then decide. More often that not, men realise how hard it is to financially take care of a WIFE and household when they first get married, and then they’re like woah, if I’m struggling now, imagine how hard it will be when kids are in the picture?
Don’t go behind his back and take contraception, that’s sneaky and stupid. It’s very easy to convince men to go along with your plan, very easy. You have to be smart. Make it sound like its in his best interest. After all, men are typically inherently selfish, and they don’t like to work that hard.
Remind him about how much work it is to have a baby.
Make it sound like it’ll be financially better if you wait for maternity pay, that way you don’t have to financially rely on him for every little thing.
“If I complete my training programme, I’ll get more work benefits and a better maternity pay so we won’t struggle.” You see where I’m going with this??
Be smart
Anon
3 years ago
hey guys i really ned some big sister help here! first off im in such a fucked up situation and it’s driving me nuts.im 18 and i’ve been in africa for the past 2 years,it’s been such a bad experience i can’t even explain.but i’ve missed out my 2 years of sixth form where i was planning on studying btec but everything changed right.i went to this british school here and ended up doing alevels even though i was dreading it,alx i did but i only technically came out with one cause the other 2 so much went left.anyways fast forward to now i would’ve been going to uni right now but ofc i decided on taking a gap year cause my parents didn’t wanna take me back(i mean i had no choice) but i still applied for unis for this upcoming september.anyways so basically i don’t know what it is but i don’t think my dad wants me to go to university which is very strange because he’s all about education but when i want to be serious about it he doesn’t want to listen to me,and pls understand my dad is very stubborn.anyways so i don’t do anything rn,i literally stay in the house 24/7,i don’t go out(cause im not allowed),i don’t work and i don’t study so everything is just so dead rn.and it makes me so upset i have to see all my friends and cousins living it up everyday while im stuck here doing nothing.i only have one friend i talk to,me and my cousins have kind of grew apart so we hardly ever speak(and im talking about once every 3 months,even then it’s literally hi,how are u).honestly sis i’ve been patient and have tried to have sabr for so long idk what to do.i always have these depressive episodes,i don’t wanna leave my bed,i always get these thoughts and i try not to but it’s hard.i always have my mum nagging in my ear about how i don’t do anything and that i should look at all the other kids my age.i’ve spoken to my dad recently about this and thought i should just lay everything flat out on the table and he said i shouldn’t even be worrying about uni rn because apparently he doesn’t want to pay “30k” and how i won’t live with him cause he has some sort of roommate he took in while our whole family moved here and obv that hurts cause it’s like first im tryna take my education seriously,im the first child and only daughter,i want to make my parents proud ofc and i see all these kids my age and it’s just frustrating and hard for me.i see the same four walls all day everyday and i honestly think im crazy like mentally crazy im not even kidding.all i want to do is something you know like work or study because if im not allowed to do the two wtf am i supposed to do?
im so sorry guys if this is so long,pls forgive me but i really needed some help.
Are you from Africa or have you been shipped there?
If you’ve been shipped there, and you’ve stayed long enough, to the point its fucking up your future prospects, its time to take your future into your own hands. Apply for universities and apply for accommodation. Once you have that sorted, contact the embassy. I’m being deadly serious. Clearly your parents have no intentions of bringing you back right?
So you are left with two options
1) Stay and rely on their mercy, God knows when they’re going to bring you back. Then deal with the reality of how left behind you are, and how much you’ll have to do in order to catch up whilst all your peers have surpassed you. And now you have to deal with those feelings.
2) Get yourself back, and deal with what comes with it.
This is what I would do. I will stack some cash, find my passport (sometimes this is not even necessary) and I will contact the embassy. I probably won’t have a home to come back to but idc, as long as I’m in the UK – thats home. And usually in those cases, social services will always house you even if its temporarily. I will keep contacting the embassy, and usually they will come with a plan of action on what to bring you back. Sometimes all you need to do is just show up to the embassy and they will provide arrangements from there. A lot of people i know have done this (mainly somali boys).
Yeah your family will be pissed but for how long? They can’t hate you forever
You’re 18, you are young enough to get back the years you lost abroad. Don’t wait until you’re in your 20’s to start again. Do something now
Anon
3 years ago
To the sister that is worried the guy she loves has fallen out of love with her. I just want to say a couple of things, I was in the same position as you some time back. I had to break up with the guy but I realised that what I was experiencing at the beginning was love bombing. Being spoiled with love, affection gifts etc at the beginning if not sustained is love bombing and is done *specifically* to get you to fall in love and become enamoured with this person. Then they switch up and show you their true colours (nonchalant, unaffectionate, distant, dismissive etc) and you’re left feeling confused and as though there’s something wrong with you. Now I could be entirely wrong and it could be with time he’s grown apart from you (there’s not much context) but I’m going out on a limb here as it sounds super similar to my story.
The switch up from them is 100% internal and it has nothing to do with you (as much as they, sometimes subtly, try to convince you otherwise). Sometimes it stems from a severe form of abandonment, sometimes an avoidant attachment style and sometimes… they’re just pieces of sh*t lol. I just want you to understand this sis: if you’re still the same person you were when you met him, doing the exact same things and switch up emotionally is entirely from his side I need you to pack your stuff and RUN. I know you may be waiting for him to return to his old self but, it really doesn’t happen. Who he is showing you right NOW is who he is and the longer you stay the longer you break your own heart.
On the off chance that it’s a natural growing apart- try communicate what you want going forwards and see if anything changes. If the changes are only sustained for a very short period of time…you have your answer. You’re asking this man to be someone he’s not and you will need to accept that and move on.
If you communicate and you can see he’s genuinely trying (over the period of MONTHS- that’s the keyword here) then perhaps maybe give it another shot.
I hope God makes this easy for you sis. I know how difficult is is when you think you’ve found the one. I know when I shared my issues around the exact same thing he started love bombing again for like a month to get me comfortable and then, just as quickly as he was affectionate he just…switched off. It’s hard to admit and I pray Allah grants you strength whatever you decide.
Hello again my darlings♥️
I just came on here to clear the air about the Meher topic because the confusion is real. GWORLSSSS, listen.
Meher is your right given to you by Allah swt. Meher must be confirmed BEFORE your nikaah. Have that conversation about what it is that you want your Meher to be and when you believe your husband to he can give it to you. It is your security deposit in the marriage. With that being said, I’m not saying ask for the whole world when you know your man to he cannot afford it. I’m saying look at what it is you want from this marriage and use that perspective to figure out what it is you want as Meher. It could be money, property, x amount of gold, silver, car, house, it could be literally anything.
For example, my husband had my living situation set up exactly how I asked for alxm and I was happy with everything he had given to me and had planned for our marriage. I asked for trip to Hajj together before 2023 as my Meher and that was it. Nothing else attached. My goal was to secure that pillar of Islam together. Married a year or so now and he is truly working towards making that happen for the both of us Alhamdulilah.
Meher is a gift but most importantly it is an OBLIGATION on his part, my lovely girls. It is your xaq, it is your right. You can put a time limit or no time limit, it’s up to YOU and only YOU. If you two agree that it should be paid on demand and your husband does not pay it, you can refuse to consummate your marriage. If it is agreed to be paid at a later date then you have to wait until that date to demand your Meher. If there is not time limit set, you can demand it at ANY time.
Don’t let your husband try to negotiate with you either. This is a time before you get married to set the tone for your marriage. This isn’t something you can shy away from, you gotta be upfront and transparent as hell. Don’t let anyone deter you from what it is you want from your man to be. This is NOT something your family shares w you, this is specifically for you and only you. This is your property.
The Sheikh who plays an active role in your Nikaah will reiterate what you state as your Meher to your husband and everyone present will be a witness to that statement.
Please babes read, study, learn, ask questions, do the absolute MOST before you get married. Learn about your rights, learn about your husband’s rights, learn the HUGE difference between Islam and Somali culture.
There is no “gray” area.
This is for your own protection girls because often times it’s us wives that are being upended from our homes, our cities/countries basically undergoing the most difficult changes one can go through just to be married to the one we love. It’s not an easy task but may Allah swt bless every woman for their efforts and may Allah swt continue to bless and protect all of your marriages♥️
Once again, ily darlings & I cannot put into words my love for this page.
Knowledge is a forever journey, everyday we learn something new.
May Allah swt answer all of our prayers in hardship and in peace♥️
Hi girliessss
I’ve been talking to this guy for 8 months now. He is soo sweet, very very very thoughtful and all round such a great partner and human. Now he’s talking about marriage because he wants to keep it halal. He’s booked his flight back home to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. I proper fell for this guy and I think he’s the one. BUT the one red flag is the fact that we’ve only been talking for 8 months. Do you think I should tell him to chill for a bit so we can get to know each other more or shall I go ahead and marry him?
He can ask for your hand but that doesn’t mean you have to get married tomorrow. In fact, maybe its actually better this way. Now you guys can get to know each other legitimately and he’s made it clear to your Father that he has good intentions with you. You guys can get married a year from now even, it doesn’t matter.
But on another note, I love his energy!! Yes king
When you’re talking to someone seriously when should you start saying babe?
I’m currently speaking to someone and it’s been about 6 months now and anyone that knows me knows babe is literally in my vocabulary. I’ll say it to all of my girls, but with him idk i’m like too shy to say it lol.
Calling each other babe and other pet names just happen. They will fall out of your mouth or you will start calling each other something weird based off of an inside joke or something. Forcing it is going to make things weird and awkward, unless that’s what you’re going for. Maybe one day randomly call him babe and see how you feel then
Hey Lula! I’ve been following you on Twitter for years and I honestly love love your tweets! You speak the haqq!
My dilemma is more to do with food and health if that’s okay. I’ve made the conscious decision to lose weight and just have a glow up overall. I’m tired of staying at home 24/7. I want to feel attractive again. So I weigh 85kg. Do you have any particular healthy shakes i can drink in the morning that tastes really nice? Also I want to make salads/ healthy food. I want my salad to be healthy but I need it to have a lot of taste but I don’t know what sauces to add. Do you have any tips? Also do you follow any influencers who can help me? I’m a Somali girl so my food having taste is a major major thing for me loool
Search up Exante – I’m currently doing it
When I was in my GCSE levels,I met someone at school. I don’t want to get too much into detail with it but subhanallah, the connection we shared was insane. At that young age, I kinda knew it was so weird and unhealthy for me to be feeling so infatuated with someone and them sharing the same feelings so I decided to cut them off after a year. No soul but me and him knew about our connection. Everyday for a couple of years I’ve thought about him, and I tried my best to forget. The first year I prayed and prayed and met so many new people and had numerous crushes and tried to forget him, but I couldn’t. Two years in, I was walking home and he was driving around where I was walking and subhanllah its like every time I saw him, time stopped for both of us. We’d notice each other immediately and just stare for a while. After another year or so I got so sick and tired of him always being on my mind. Mind you, we had each other on socials but nothing more than that. Nothing since we were 15-16. I prayed to Allah recently that If he wasn’t the one for me to erase him from my mind. I’ve been doing that for the past couple of years but this time I prayed on it. I was sooo sick of having thoughts about him that I couldn’t get out of my mind even though we weren’t sharing any type of communication . Finally, I started to forget about him.. and I was happy, felt like I was finally moving on. maybe around a month later, It was raining and I was driving, and in the highway full of cars, him in his car and me in mine, we saw each other again, we were both driving, not even staring at the road but at each other.. and just like when we were 16, time stopped for both of us. It wasn’t until I got to my loft that I realized this could be the answer for my du’aa or shaydaan playing with me for a whole 5-6 years. I need advice. I talk to so many guys, but in the back of my head, I know no one will compare to him.
Wallahi how muslim girls seem to romanticise and hold onto the smallest things will never cease to amaze me honestly
Listen to yourself. Other than driving past you, what has he done for you to make you think no one will ever compare to him? That’s a big statement to make. You’re making into a bigger thing than it needs to be. If he felt the connection you speak of, he would have made a move in the last 5-6 years, but he hasn’t.
Put yourself out there in the dating world to kinda prove to yourself that you have other options instead of holding the same flame from 5-6 years ago.
Salaam Guys,
Hope you’re well and are filled with blessings in the upcoming year inshallah.
Also, thank you so much for making this page.
Sorry for the long post.
So I met this guy a few years ago at uni. I thought he was cute and caught feelings. Guess you could say we were mates for about a year.
A year later, I met a girl at uni and became good friends with her.
She’s the sweetest girl ever tbh.
A few months later, I found out her and the guy I was crushing on were mates and knew each other. I didn’t know that before since we never spoke about him at all.
She didn’t realise that I knew him and I never realised that she knew him either.
Long story short, they both started dating.
They make such a cute couple mashallah.
But at the same time, it hurt me to see them together.
So I just started to avoid them both. I thought if I avoid him completely and don’t engage with him, these feelings will go away.
It’s been 4 years sis and I still have feelings for him. It makes me feel so disgusted at myself for liking someone who’s now my friends man.
I’ve started to wake up at tahajjud and pray that Alllah removes these feelings from my heart.
Sometimes I just sit there and cry. Not because I want to be with him but because I hate the fact that I’m yearning for someone who’s not mine.
I know that me and him are not meant to be and I know that this is a test from Allah.
But sometimes i get so frustrated that I like someone who’s not mine to this extent. What the hell is wrong with me man.
I always make Dua for them both. They’re both people I really love and respect and I never want them to be harmed in any way.
I pray that Allah protects them from any evil and I pray that Allah doesn’t allow me to become someone who has evil intentions towards anyone.
I pray that Allah fills their lives with happiness because they’re genuinely good people.
I guess I’m just trying to ask for advice on what to do. I want these feelings gone but i really don’t know how to make them go away.
The only thing you can do is distance yourself from them. You need to be doing your best to actually get over these feelings by putting distance between you and avoiding being alone with them instead of continuing to orbit them and fanning the flames of your infatuation.
If it makes you feel better, you are not deeply in love with him. He fits perfectly into your idea of what a good fantasy partner looks and acts like, so you want him for yourself. But you know nothing about how he gets when he gets mad, how he acts when he feels snide and nasty, how he handles pressures and uncomfortable situations and temptations. You like him because you just do. Thats it. Theres not real reason why you think he’s the one for you. All of that has nothing to do with love or compatibility or whether he’s even a good person. Remind yourself that you are only crushing on a highlight reel instead of a full person, and take a step back and find a different thing to focus on.
When is the podcast coming we’ve been waiting sis
Listen uni is kicking my ass.
Hey sis I really need some advice. I’ve been with this guy for about 3 years. He’s very loving and affectionate. He’s also financially stable and has a well paid graduate job. I’m in my final year of university and we both intend to get married as soon as I graduate. The main issue is that after I graduate I have to complete a 2 year on-the-job training programme/ preceptorship and would prefer not to have kids during this time. I’ve tried to explain this to him but he said that he’s already waited 3 years for me to finish university and that we shouldn’t wait any longer for kids. He has also said he’s happy to support financially while I look after the newborn. I understand there’s a lot pressure on his side as all 6 of his siblings are married and have kids, but I would like to get my career off the ground first before having kids.
Am I selfish for wanting to put my career first before having kids?
I’m also against the idea of using contraception behind his back as I would want our marriage to be open and honest. Any advice xxx
Put your career first.
Also, the best way to get rid of baby fever is have your cousins/or nieces over for a week. When he sees how much effort you have to put in entertaining children, he will wake up and smell the coffee. Waking up at 7am on a weekend to feed kids? OOO he is going to hate that one
He is very idealistic. Kids are hard work and I don’t think he realises that yet. Educate him on post partum too, is he ready for all that? My husband was definitely one of those people who wanted kids soon, but when he got to experience all the freedom he has now, his game room, the disposable income, the fact he can wake up and go sleep whenever he wants, ooo he loves it here.
Tell him you guys should first see how married life is and then decide. More often that not, men realise how hard it is to financially take care of a WIFE and household when they first get married, and then they’re like woah, if I’m struggling now, imagine how hard it will be when kids are in the picture?
Don’t go behind his back and take contraception, that’s sneaky and stupid. It’s very easy to convince men to go along with your plan, very easy. You have to be smart. Make it sound like its in his best interest. After all, men are typically inherently selfish, and they don’t like to work that hard.
Remind him about how much work it is to have a baby.
Make it sound like it’ll be financially better if you wait for maternity pay, that way you don’t have to financially rely on him for every little thing.
“If I complete my training programme, I’ll get more work benefits and a better maternity pay so we won’t struggle.” You see where I’m going with this??
Be smart
hey guys i really ned some big sister help here! first off im in such a fucked up situation and it’s driving me nuts.im 18 and i’ve been in africa for the past 2 years,it’s been such a bad experience i can’t even explain.but i’ve missed out my 2 years of sixth form where i was planning on studying btec but everything changed right.i went to this british school here and ended up doing alevels even though i was dreading it,alx i did but i only technically came out with one cause the other 2 so much went left.anyways fast forward to now i would’ve been going to uni right now but ofc i decided on taking a gap year cause my parents didn’t wanna take me back(i mean i had no choice) but i still applied for unis for this upcoming september.anyways so basically i don’t know what it is but i don’t think my dad wants me to go to university which is very strange because he’s all about education but when i want to be serious about it he doesn’t want to listen to me,and pls understand my dad is very stubborn.anyways so i don’t do anything rn,i literally stay in the house 24/7,i don’t go out(cause im not allowed),i don’t work and i don’t study so everything is just so dead rn.and it makes me so upset i have to see all my friends and cousins living it up everyday while im stuck here doing nothing.i only have one friend i talk to,me and my cousins have kind of grew apart so we hardly ever speak(and im talking about once every 3 months,even then it’s literally hi,how are u).honestly sis i’ve been patient and have tried to have sabr for so long idk what to do.i always have these depressive episodes,i don’t wanna leave my bed,i always get these thoughts and i try not to but it’s hard.i always have my mum nagging in my ear about how i don’t do anything and that i should look at all the other kids my age.i’ve spoken to my dad recently about this and thought i should just lay everything flat out on the table and he said i shouldn’t even be worrying about uni rn because apparently he doesn’t want to pay “30k” and how i won’t live with him cause he has some sort of roommate he took in while our whole family moved here and obv that hurts cause it’s like first im tryna take my education seriously,im the first child and only daughter,i want to make my parents proud ofc and i see all these kids my age and it’s just frustrating and hard for me.i see the same four walls all day everyday and i honestly think im crazy like mentally crazy im not even kidding.all i want to do is something you know like work or study because if im not allowed to do the two wtf am i supposed to do?
im so sorry guys if this is so long,pls forgive me but i really needed some help.
Are you from Africa or have you been shipped there?
If you’ve been shipped there, and you’ve stayed long enough, to the point its fucking up your future prospects, its time to take your future into your own hands. Apply for universities and apply for accommodation. Once you have that sorted, contact the embassy. I’m being deadly serious. Clearly your parents have no intentions of bringing you back right?
So you are left with two options
1) Stay and rely on their mercy, God knows when they’re going to bring you back. Then deal with the reality of how left behind you are, and how much you’ll have to do in order to catch up whilst all your peers have surpassed you. And now you have to deal with those feelings.
2) Get yourself back, and deal with what comes with it.
This is what I would do. I will stack some cash, find my passport (sometimes this is not even necessary) and I will contact the embassy. I probably won’t have a home to come back to but idc, as long as I’m in the UK – thats home. And usually in those cases, social services will always house you even if its temporarily. I will keep contacting the embassy, and usually they will come with a plan of action on what to bring you back. Sometimes all you need to do is just show up to the embassy and they will provide arrangements from there. A lot of people i know have done this (mainly somali boys).
Yeah your family will be pissed but for how long? They can’t hate you forever
You’re 18, you are young enough to get back the years you lost abroad. Don’t wait until you’re in your 20’s to start again. Do something now
To the sister that is worried the guy she loves has fallen out of love with her. I just want to say a couple of things, I was in the same position as you some time back. I had to break up with the guy but I realised that what I was experiencing at the beginning was love bombing. Being spoiled with love, affection gifts etc at the beginning if not sustained is love bombing and is done *specifically* to get you to fall in love and become enamoured with this person. Then they switch up and show you their true colours (nonchalant, unaffectionate, distant, dismissive etc) and you’re left feeling confused and as though there’s something wrong with you. Now I could be entirely wrong and it could be with time he’s grown apart from you (there’s not much context) but I’m going out on a limb here as it sounds super similar to my story.
The switch up from them is 100% internal and it has nothing to do with you (as much as they, sometimes subtly, try to convince you otherwise). Sometimes it stems from a severe form of abandonment, sometimes an avoidant attachment style and sometimes… they’re just pieces of sh*t lol. I just want you to understand this sis: if you’re still the same person you were when you met him, doing the exact same things and switch up emotionally is entirely from his side I need you to pack your stuff and RUN. I know you may be waiting for him to return to his old self but, it really doesn’t happen. Who he is showing you right NOW is who he is and the longer you stay the longer you break your own heart.
On the off chance that it’s a natural growing apart- try communicate what you want going forwards and see if anything changes. If the changes are only sustained for a very short period of time…you have your answer. You’re asking this man to be someone he’s not and you will need to accept that and move on.
If you communicate and you can see he’s genuinely trying (over the period of MONTHS- that’s the keyword here) then perhaps maybe give it another shot.
I hope God makes this easy for you sis. I know how difficult is is when you think you’ve found the one. I know when I shared my issues around the exact same thing he started love bombing again for like a month to get me comfortable and then, just as quickly as he was affectionate he just…switched off. It’s hard to admit and I pray Allah grants you strength whatever you decide.
Love,
M x
I love this
Hello again my darlings♥️
I just came on here to clear the air about the Meher topic because the confusion is real. GWORLSSSS, listen.
Meher is your right given to you by Allah swt. Meher must be confirmed BEFORE your nikaah. Have that conversation about what it is that you want your Meher to be and when you believe your husband to he can give it to you. It is your security deposit in the marriage. With that being said, I’m not saying ask for the whole world when you know your man to he cannot afford it. I’m saying look at what it is you want from this marriage and use that perspective to figure out what it is you want as Meher. It could be money, property, x amount of gold, silver, car, house, it could be literally anything.
For example, my husband had my living situation set up exactly how I asked for alxm and I was happy with everything he had given to me and had planned for our marriage. I asked for trip to Hajj together before 2023 as my Meher and that was it. Nothing else attached. My goal was to secure that pillar of Islam together. Married a year or so now and he is truly working towards making that happen for the both of us Alhamdulilah.
Meher is a gift but most importantly it is an OBLIGATION on his part, my lovely girls. It is your xaq, it is your right. You can put a time limit or no time limit, it’s up to YOU and only YOU. If you two agree that it should be paid on demand and your husband does not pay it, you can refuse to consummate your marriage. If it is agreed to be paid at a later date then you have to wait until that date to demand your Meher. If there is not time limit set, you can demand it at ANY time.
Don’t let your husband try to negotiate with you either. This is a time before you get married to set the tone for your marriage. This isn’t something you can shy away from, you gotta be upfront and transparent as hell. Don’t let anyone deter you from what it is you want from your man to be. This is NOT something your family shares w you, this is specifically for you and only you. This is your property.
The Sheikh who plays an active role in your Nikaah will reiterate what you state as your Meher to your husband and everyone present will be a witness to that statement.
Please babes read, study, learn, ask questions, do the absolute MOST before you get married. Learn about your rights, learn about your husband’s rights, learn the HUGE difference between Islam and Somali culture.
There is no “gray” area.
This is for your own protection girls because often times it’s us wives that are being upended from our homes, our cities/countries basically undergoing the most difficult changes one can go through just to be married to the one we love. It’s not an easy task but may Allah swt bless every woman for their efforts and may Allah swt continue to bless and protect all of your marriages♥️
Once again, ily darlings & I cannot put into words my love for this page.
Knowledge is a forever journey, everyday we learn something new.
May Allah swt answer all of our prayers in hardship and in peace♥️
Yes girl ! You’re spitting