Hey girls,
Hope you guys are in good health. I love this page you have created. I’m 23 and potentially looking at a career change. I feel it’s too late because I want to get into midwifery which will be a 3 year course. By the time I’m done all my age mates would have settled, kids, money and I’d still be a student. I don’t know whether to peruse something I’ve kinda dreamed of but didn’t get the grades to do back in school or to just stick to what I do now.
Don’t worry about other people and what they’re doing for real. Comparison is really the thief of joy
In 3 years, you’re going to be 26 anyway so at least be 26 and doing the thing you love. And maybe who knows, you’ll meet people along the way that will take you to the place you need/want to be at.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey. What do you do when the guys approaching you are nice guys but just not your type? Last year I met several guys but they all had things missing that I’d want from a future husband (like not taking the faith seriously, smoking, drinking, clubbing). Oart of me enter to settle but thank Gid I didn’t because my happiness is paramount.
What should I consider or do different this year to actually meet guys I like? I consider shooting my shot but its so awkward, what if it isn’t mutual or as time goes on I change my mind? Loooool.
First and foremost, if you see something you don’t like about a man, don’t pursue anything further. Charge it to the game and just move on.
I would just advise you to go out more often, catch up with new friends, even going out to events. Without even realising, you are putting yourself out there to be approached. It won’t happen straight away, but it will. Once you get used to being out and having fun, your demeanour will change, and it will make you more approachable. Sometimes when you haven’t gone out for a while, you look unapproachable because its obvious you just want to go home. But once you get used to it, you’ll laugh more often, you’ll smile more. All things to make you more approachable and friendlier.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis,
I’m so heartbroken. I keep praying and making dua everyday but my heart is still filled with rage and anger at all the things he did, because he gets away with all of it. Do you think the people we meet are a reflection of who we are at the time or are they simply a test sent to us in human form?
Some men are here to destruct good souls so that they no longer exist. I questioned my sanity and my life as a consequence of what he has done. Nobody knows the pain I’ve been going through and the pain that I’m still enduring except Allah SWT. I feel like this past year has been a whirlwind where I’m emotionally numb yet living. Life is fleeting but yet human beings can bring so much joy and so much pain at the same time.
Hey sister, I’ve got a sticky situation here. Past couple months I’ve become obsessed with my future since I’ve realised now as an adult how everything decision I make means I have to live with it the reality has dawned on me. I’ve decided to go down a different career path should’ve done this back in uni but didn’t want to upset my parents. I’ve made changes to friends am tired of being in some situations with some people. Am starting to question the men I talk to even when I love someone I can’t get passed some things like finances. Am starting to thing is a hungori (Somali for greed) thing or is it me making wiser choices. A part of my head is telling me am a control freak and that I should leave some things up to god. The other part is telling me that if I have to pick a man with more money over one I really like then that necessary for my future. Then my head is also telling me that it’s now or never. Some things have to change for the better and if that means I get the short of it now then so be it. Do you think am stressing or am I taking better control of my life? Am I being a control freak? Should I get closer to god so I can be happier with what I already have?
Sometimes when girls start dating with their set goals and intentions and mind, but somewhere along the way these may change. They might even settle. It takes practice to seek these shifts out early and be willing to reassess the relationship as soon as they come up. Too often we get comfortable in a dynamic and form stronger feelings just because it’s comfortable and it’s hard to discuss a shift in intentions or goals.
To date with intention, you should basically: filter selectively, find out their goals early on and make sure they match, have your own goals in mind. What you can do more of is “checking in” with the other person regularly to openly discuss how you both feel and where you see things going, and also what things you’ve enjoyed about each other so far, what you didn’t like (boundary setting), etc.
And finally you can shift your mentality a bit: you are committed first to your goal, not a person. That’s not to say you can’t or shouldn’t also commit to a person. But that goal takes priority, and no matter what that person offers, if he stands in the way of your goal (what matters to you), you can and will walk away to keep looking for someone who doesn’t.
For example for me, when I was younger, I refused to get into anything serious with a guy if I didn’t think he could be the kind of husband I wanted in the future. I would stop myself very early on in the relationship because I didn’t want it to go any longer to the point I end up not caring about the goals I wanted for myself. And I would NEVER ever try to change or mould someone to be the kind of man I wanted. Because what happens is, after investing all your time, emotions and resources into a man, he will take all of this and end up being a better man to someone else. And I was never going to be a fluffer for some next girl.
Anon
3 years ago
I found out my ex spouse had been sexting and sending pics of himself to girls early after our marriage begun. Should I expose him? I wouldn’t have ever thought he would do that but I could see how after.
Don’t expose him. He is your ex for a reason. You saying anything will just make you look like the bitter ex that won’t get over him.
Also, people probably won’t even believe you anyway so then whats the point? Look at the pros and cons here. To me, there are more problems that come with exposing him. You guys are no longer together and Alhamdulilah for it! Let him be someone else’s problem
Anon
3 years ago
Hey huns, So I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now but we haven’t met yet as we live in different cities and we both have had hectic schedules the past few months.
The issue is that I’m hella insecure about a prominent scar that I have on the side of my cheek. Every photo he has seen of me is filtered and I’m caked with make up in every one of them. we have only FaceTimed a few times (that were very brief ) . Each time I angled the camera in the way that he wasn’t able to see. He thinks I hate FaceTime but the reality is that I don’t want to scare him away.
We’re due to link irl in the next few weeks and I’m sooo nervous. Do you think I should mention it before we meet or not mention it at all? I just know if I don’t mention it he’ll probably will ask me about it because people always do and I’m left uncomfortably explaining how I got it.
If you show that you’re insecure about it, he will notice it. Act normal and if he sees the scar just say “Ah yeah, I’ve had it for so long I don’t even notice it.” and move on.
If you make it into a big deal, it will be a big deal. Be confident.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey Lula where is a nice honey moon destination? Preferably somewhere other than the usual Maldives and Bali
When planning a honeymoon, you need to look at the weather seasons (KEY KEY KEY). Always go during dry season, even if you have to push the honeymoon back (What I’m doing). So many of my friends didn’t check the weather and ended up going on holiday during wet season.
Mexico is always a safe bet, same with Thailand. Thailand is fucking amazing, in fact I wanna live their one day. Check out the Philippines too, Italy is beautiful in the summer as well. Theres so many small places you can go to, it just requires a lot of research.
Anon
3 years ago
Not a question but I just wanted to share a realisation that I’ve had recently and I hope it benefits someone out there.
So in the past I had always understood why sex before marriage was a sin, but I never understood why other forms of intimacy were also considered a sin. I was always told that the reason why they were haram is because they could lead to zina but to me that sounded very far fetched and I believed myself to have more self control than that. Like how could a hug in a public place, lead me to having sex? It didn’t make sense.
But from personal experience, I now feel like I truly understand why that ruling is there and there really is wisdom behind everything that we are told to do as Muslims.
As I was getting to know a guy, that physical connection was established pretty early on. We would always be hugging, holding hands, stuff like that. Because for me physical touch is my love language, I found myself becoming more attached to him every time he did these things.
Alhamdullilah I have good friends and they patterned me and told me to basically establish some boundaries with the guy, so I did. I honestly feel like the physical element clouded my judgements and I realised the more I spoke to him the more I realised we are not compatible AT ALL.
I was not attracted to his mind, he couldn’t say anything that would make me feel a type of way. It was just dead.
With regards to marriage I believe that the process of getting to know someone is so much less complicated when the physical aspect of the relationship has not been introduced. You can develop an emotional connection with them first, get to know their mind, what makes them tick, what makes their eyes light up. And in the end of the day it’s those things that are going to keep you in the marriage.
I’ve seen many cases where girls have been disrespected by their partners but they still stay. And I personally believe it’s because they are attached to the feeling that that guy gives them physically.
Sorry for the long post!! But I just wanted to start a conversation on this as I feel like no one really talks about it because they don’t wanna expose their sins, but as this is anonymous I thought why not share my experience.
For the sister that was struggling with Keratosis Pilaris. I also suffered for years and it really affected my self-esteem but it’s nearly completely gone now since I started using a chemical body wash eg Salicylic Acid when exfoliating since it helps to break down the excess keratin in the follicles! Superdrug have one or I also use the Cerave one! Inshallah this will help
Great advice! copy their post next time (so they can link back to it)
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls!!
Do you think it’s a bit mad for me not to date guys my own age? I’ve never dated or even talked to a guy. The guys who always approach me are always the same age as me and tbh any guy my age gives me the ick. They’re immature and they all talk like road men with 0 in their bank account. Do you think maybe I should give them a chance and date them? I’m 22 btw
Date people you are interested in, and if you could imagine yourself having a good future with them. If you notice something you wouldn’t like about them in the future, then don’t date them.
For example: This guy right now doesn’t have good work ethic and he’s not motivated
Chances are in the future he is going to be much worse than this, and is less inclined to be a provider in the house (if you guys were to get married). I say this because in the first few months of dating someone, they only show you a portion of their true selves. Whatever he is now, he will be that 10x in the future.
If you’re concerned about immaturity, just date people older than you. Older guys can be immature too, but most of them are relatively mature and responsible. And that’s usually because they have already gone through their boyish phase and realised this aint it.
I would say though be realistic. If you’re dating a 22 year old guy, chances are he isn’t going to have his shit together and that’s okay. He is literally 22. The problem is you expecting more than what a guy can do for you when he’s at that stage in his life.
Hey girls,
Hope you guys are in good health. I love this page you have created. I’m 23 and potentially looking at a career change. I feel it’s too late because I want to get into midwifery which will be a 3 year course. By the time I’m done all my age mates would have settled, kids, money and I’d still be a student. I don’t know whether to peruse something I’ve kinda dreamed of but didn’t get the grades to do back in school or to just stick to what I do now.
Don’t worry about other people and what they’re doing for real. Comparison is really the thief of joy
In 3 years, you’re going to be 26 anyway so at least be 26 and doing the thing you love. And maybe who knows, you’ll meet people along the way that will take you to the place you need/want to be at.
Hey. What do you do when the guys approaching you are nice guys but just not your type? Last year I met several guys but they all had things missing that I’d want from a future husband (like not taking the faith seriously, smoking, drinking, clubbing). Oart of me enter to settle but thank Gid I didn’t because my happiness is paramount.
What should I consider or do different this year to actually meet guys I like? I consider shooting my shot but its so awkward, what if it isn’t mutual or as time goes on I change my mind? Loooool.
First and foremost, if you see something you don’t like about a man, don’t pursue anything further. Charge it to the game and just move on.
I would just advise you to go out more often, catch up with new friends, even going out to events. Without even realising, you are putting yourself out there to be approached. It won’t happen straight away, but it will. Once you get used to being out and having fun, your demeanour will change, and it will make you more approachable. Sometimes when you haven’t gone out for a while, you look unapproachable because its obvious you just want to go home. But once you get used to it, you’ll laugh more often, you’ll smile more. All things to make you more approachable and friendlier.
Hey sis,
I’m so heartbroken. I keep praying and making dua everyday but my heart is still filled with rage and anger at all the things he did, because he gets away with all of it. Do you think the people we meet are a reflection of who we are at the time or are they simply a test sent to us in human form?
Some men are here to destruct good souls so that they no longer exist. I questioned my sanity and my life as a consequence of what he has done. Nobody knows the pain I’ve been going through and the pain that I’m still enduring except Allah SWT. I feel like this past year has been a whirlwind where I’m emotionally numb yet living. Life is fleeting but yet human beings can bring so much joy and so much pain at the same time.
I feel like a huge part of me has gone.
I think this might help you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0GQSJrpVhM
Hey sister, I’ve got a sticky situation here. Past couple months I’ve become obsessed with my future since I’ve realised now as an adult how everything decision I make means I have to live with it the reality has dawned on me. I’ve decided to go down a different career path should’ve done this back in uni but didn’t want to upset my parents. I’ve made changes to friends am tired of being in some situations with some people. Am starting to question the men I talk to even when I love someone I can’t get passed some things like finances. Am starting to thing is a hungori (Somali for greed) thing or is it me making wiser choices. A part of my head is telling me am a control freak and that I should leave some things up to god. The other part is telling me that if I have to pick a man with more money over one I really like then that necessary for my future. Then my head is also telling me that it’s now or never. Some things have to change for the better and if that means I get the short of it now then so be it. Do you think am stressing or am I taking better control of my life? Am I being a control freak? Should I get closer to god so I can be happier with what I already have?
Date with intention.
Sometimes when girls start dating with their set goals and intentions and mind, but somewhere along the way these may change. They might even settle. It takes practice to seek these shifts out early and be willing to reassess the relationship as soon as they come up. Too often we get comfortable in a dynamic and form stronger feelings just because it’s comfortable and it’s hard to discuss a shift in intentions or goals.
To date with intention, you should basically: filter selectively, find out their goals early on and make sure they match, have your own goals in mind. What you can do more of is “checking in” with the other person regularly to openly discuss how you both feel and where you see things going, and also what things you’ve enjoyed about each other so far, what you didn’t like (boundary setting), etc.
And finally you can shift your mentality a bit: you are committed first to your goal, not a person. That’s not to say you can’t or shouldn’t also commit to a person. But that goal takes priority, and no matter what that person offers, if he stands in the way of your goal (what matters to you), you can and will walk away to keep looking for someone who doesn’t.
For example for me, when I was younger, I refused to get into anything serious with a guy if I didn’t think he could be the kind of husband I wanted in the future. I would stop myself very early on in the relationship because I didn’t want it to go any longer to the point I end up not caring about the goals I wanted for myself. And I would NEVER ever try to change or mould someone to be the kind of man I wanted. Because what happens is, after investing all your time, emotions and resources into a man, he will take all of this and end up being a better man to someone else. And I was never going to be a fluffer for some next girl.
I found out my ex spouse had been sexting and sending pics of himself to girls early after our marriage begun. Should I expose him? I wouldn’t have ever thought he would do that but I could see how after.
Don’t expose him. He is your ex for a reason. You saying anything will just make you look like the bitter ex that won’t get over him.
Also, people probably won’t even believe you anyway so then whats the point? Look at the pros and cons here. To me, there are more problems that come with exposing him. You guys are no longer together and Alhamdulilah for it! Let him be someone else’s problem
Hey huns, So I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now but we haven’t met yet as we live in different cities and we both have had hectic schedules the past few months.
The issue is that I’m hella insecure about a prominent scar that I have on the side of my cheek. Every photo he has seen of me is filtered and I’m caked with make up in every one of them. we have only FaceTimed a few times (that were very brief ) . Each time I angled the camera in the way that he wasn’t able to see. He thinks I hate FaceTime but the reality is that I don’t want to scare him away.
We’re due to link irl in the next few weeks and I’m sooo nervous. Do you think I should mention it before we meet or not mention it at all? I just know if I don’t mention it he’ll probably will ask me about it because people always do and I’m left uncomfortably explaining how I got it.
If you show that you’re insecure about it, he will notice it. Act normal and if he sees the scar just say “Ah yeah, I’ve had it for so long I don’t even notice it.” and move on.
If you make it into a big deal, it will be a big deal. Be confident.
Hey Lula where is a nice honey moon destination? Preferably somewhere other than the usual Maldives and Bali
When planning a honeymoon, you need to look at the weather seasons (KEY KEY KEY). Always go during dry season, even if you have to push the honeymoon back (What I’m doing). So many of my friends didn’t check the weather and ended up going on holiday during wet season.
Mexico is always a safe bet, same with Thailand. Thailand is fucking amazing, in fact I wanna live their one day. Check out the Philippines too, Italy is beautiful in the summer as well. Theres so many small places you can go to, it just requires a lot of research.
Not a question but I just wanted to share a realisation that I’ve had recently and I hope it benefits someone out there.
So in the past I had always understood why sex before marriage was a sin, but I never understood why other forms of intimacy were also considered a sin. I was always told that the reason why they were haram is because they could lead to zina but to me that sounded very far fetched and I believed myself to have more self control than that. Like how could a hug in a public place, lead me to having sex? It didn’t make sense.
But from personal experience, I now feel like I truly understand why that ruling is there and there really is wisdom behind everything that we are told to do as Muslims.
As I was getting to know a guy, that physical connection was established pretty early on. We would always be hugging, holding hands, stuff like that. Because for me physical touch is my love language, I found myself becoming more attached to him every time he did these things.
Alhamdullilah I have good friends and they patterned me and told me to basically establish some boundaries with the guy, so I did. I honestly feel like the physical element clouded my judgements and I realised the more I spoke to him the more I realised we are not compatible AT ALL.
I was not attracted to his mind, he couldn’t say anything that would make me feel a type of way. It was just dead.
With regards to marriage I believe that the process of getting to know someone is so much less complicated when the physical aspect of the relationship has not been introduced. You can develop an emotional connection with them first, get to know their mind, what makes them tick, what makes their eyes light up. And in the end of the day it’s those things that are going to keep you in the marriage.
I’ve seen many cases where girls have been disrespected by their partners but they still stay. And I personally believe it’s because they are attached to the feeling that that guy gives them physically.
Sorry for the long post!! But I just wanted to start a conversation on this as I feel like no one really talks about it because they don’t wanna expose their sins, but as this is anonymous I thought why not share my experience.
!!!!!!
For the sister that was struggling with Keratosis Pilaris. I also suffered for years and it really affected my self-esteem but it’s nearly completely gone now since I started using a chemical body wash eg Salicylic Acid when exfoliating since it helps to break down the excess keratin in the follicles! Superdrug have one or I also use the Cerave one! Inshallah this will help
Great advice! copy their post next time (so they can link back to it)
Hey girls!!
Do you think it’s a bit mad for me not to date guys my own age? I’ve never dated or even talked to a guy. The guys who always approach me are always the same age as me and tbh any guy my age gives me the ick. They’re immature and they all talk like road men with 0 in their bank account. Do you think maybe I should give them a chance and date them? I’m 22 btw
Date people you are interested in, and if you could imagine yourself having a good future with them. If you notice something you wouldn’t like about them in the future, then don’t date them.
For example: This guy right now doesn’t have good work ethic and he’s not motivated
Chances are in the future he is going to be much worse than this, and is less inclined to be a provider in the house (if you guys were to get married). I say this because in the first few months of dating someone, they only show you a portion of their true selves. Whatever he is now, he will be that 10x in the future.
If you’re concerned about immaturity, just date people older than you. Older guys can be immature too, but most of them are relatively mature and responsible. And that’s usually because they have already gone through their boyish phase and realised this aint it.
I would say though be realistic. If you’re dating a 22 year old guy, chances are he isn’t going to have his shit together and that’s okay. He is literally 22. The problem is you expecting more than what a guy can do for you when he’s at that stage in his life.