Heyy hope you’re well. I find you page so useful, may Allah reward you for your efforts. I wanted to ask you for advice about something. When I was younger I used to never understand when someone says “men and women cannot be friends” I had great guy friends and nothing ever escalated past that. But then again we was not “close” and didn’t tell each other everything compared to my other girl friends. Anyways I met my closest guy friend at a part time job when I was 19 and we instantly connected. We was literally inseparable, it felt like I met the boy version of me! We would even call on the phone at time for hours just talking and laughing and I had never had that kind of friendship with a guy before. Anyways long story short, your girl caught feelings. As soon as I realised this I told him because I was certain I didn’t know have feelings for HIM but just our connection if that makes sense. I told him that it was just a phase I’m sure and would like a break from our friendship so that I could analyse what was happening. Anyways he was pretty chill with it, didn’t even get bothered or anything just said you do you. Then slowly we stopped talking because I left that job and we were just both busy with our lives. We would message each other every now and then to check how everything is going and every time we spoke it was like nothing changed. Anyways a few years go by and I find myself sometimes still thinking of him. I know I’m not his type at all (he is not my type either but his personality is just unmatched loool). Anyways now we are older and thinking of marriage etc and I keep finding myself wanting to go back to him and asking if he would consider us in a marriage? But then the other part of me is like “if he wanted to he would have asked already”. I’m torn and wanted to get your opinion 🥴
Don’t dwell on it and don’t reach out to the guy and it will fade away, only if you let yourself move on. People are always caught up in what-ifs; it’s human nature, and first crushes are really magical because of the raging hormones and all the fantasies you build up in your head. But you have to remember, he never felt the same way. It was just you.
You’re going to continue thinking about him if you don’t move on. Maybe when you move on with someone else, you might actually realise he wasn’t even that special (and this happens to girls A LOT). When you keep holding out for that old flame, you’ll never move on.
And if I’m being completely real with you, you need to respect yourself and rate your ting. Don’t ask a man to consider you for marriage. Come on girl. You are the one that’s meant to be courted, not the other way round. Get rid of that mentality asap, otherwise the rest of your life will just consist of you trying to convince unworthy men to love you.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi I’m 29F (not Muslim btw, I hope that is okay) and I’m not religious either. I honestly feel like a loser and failure. I’ve never had a bf, a virgin (again not for religious reasons) and I have practically no friends. I know you’re prob gonna say things like: exercise, read, focus on your physical appearance, etc but I do all those things. Im not unattractive or overweight by any means. The problem is that I am severely depressed. I’m scared of taking meds because idk what people will think of me. I’m starting to lose hope tbh. I know you will prob say something like find a hobby/passion you enjoy but I truly don’t think I have a purpose. I’ve graduated uni and work a boring desk job from home now bc of Covid. I’m socially isolated. Can’t travel. I’ve tried joining clubs etc but they get canceled bc of Covid bc not a enough ppl join.
Idk what type of answer I am expecting from you but my mental health is really awful. To the point where I wish I was dead but I don’t have it in me to commit suicide bc I don’t want my parents to be upset. I feel like a waste of space tbh. Anyway I guess some hope would be nice…. But if you don’t answer this then I can understand. God bless
Like you said, the problem is your mental health. No matter how good things will be for you, how many blessings you get, it will never make you happy because YOU are not happy.
Do not underestimate medication, and how much it can approve your quality of life. Do research on SSRI. Our bodies (including our brains) sometimes have flaws that need correcting. If a SSRI’s can change that for someone, we should be applauding it.
I know there is a stigma behind taking medication for your mental health, but when you actually deep it, its hypocritical. Since the dawn of mankind, humans have used tools to do things more efficiently and faster. Instead of walking everywhere, we started using horses then cars. Instead of using a rock to cut trees down, we used axes then chainsaws. Both of these things are examples of humans not using just themselves and using tools to make a task easier.
Why is your happiness the exception to this? When your leg breaks, you don’t just sit there with it flopping around, you get a cast to make the healing process easier. When you can’t see well, no one walks around blindly. They get glasses. Why are anti depressants or any other mental health medication the exception? The stigma behind medication or therapy or anything being bad or it makes you weak for taking advantage of them are completely asinine. With that logic, any of the aforementioned things would make a person weak. Were humans weak because we started using cars? No, it was smart to start using cars because it makes transportation more efficient.
From what I know, people who start taking anti-depressants don’t actually see results until 6-8 weeks later. One thing I will say, having seen how much it can improve the lives of people you love, I’m 100% for it. Wallahi just see testimonies of people who have taken anti-depressants, its fucking crazy.
You can’t keep feeling like this, something has got to give. And if medication is the way forward, go for it. But don’t do nothing, because it will spiral out of control. You’re right, you don’t need to hear the same go find a hobby, do something you love advice. You actually need practical advice. And my only real advice is to get the fuck up and be free. I don’t think I’ve ever been severely depressed, but I’ve definitely experienced depression and loss at the same time. And it was almost like one day my body just went into fight or flight mode and I was done with feeling so down and unhappy. I literally forced myself to make changes in my life, and even though that brought on sadness of its own, I’d rather be sadder making changes with the hope of seeing a silver lining, than just be sad and hopeless end of. Because hope is really all you have
Also I know you’re not religious, but from a religious background myself, religion helps me so much. I almost feel like a baby how much it brings me at peace. Islam has really taught me how to look past my problems. Like you might not have a lot of control over some issues in your life, but Islam can help you learn how to live a happy and content life despite them. There’s this book called ‘ Don’t Be Sad’ by Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni and you can get it on amazon:
What I love about this book is that its broken up into different topics rather than just chapters. And every topic is about a different feeling you have, and what you can do to help yourself. For example:
‘Depression weakens the body and the soul’
‘Do not grieve over tribialities’
‘Do not lose hope’
‘The days rotate in bringing good and the bad’
All those are so of my most highlighted chapters, and its just so comforting. Like it literally feels like a warm hug. Check it out and let me know what you think
Anon
3 years ago
I only get approached by men I’m not attract to , the one who are my type never come my way . I don’t know what to do , my friends accuse me of being superficial cause they all date guys they are not attract to initially . They tell me the attraction will come later . I tried and it doesnt I feel so superficial, I like top percent of pretty boys but I noticed they are never loyal because they have too many options. They are always cheating or playing girls
If I like a pretty boy who is fit with a sense of style ( think younes bendjima) with his shit together and who isn’t illiterate or dull ( I know my writing aint perfect myself but english aint my first language) . Well , I have to do the first step in a way or another . I have to do the first step which I hate , I have to follow first and likes his pictures . Shit send obvious signal , it usually work then we start dating but I always end up learning he is entertaining other girls . I feel like if I want to get what I want in a guy in term of basic requirements I need to drop my standard in look , age height or salary , which I don’t want to . What can I do ? I even thought about leaving the uk because the dating scene is so bad
The fact that most women who are equal to your attractiveness, are dating (or trying to date) men above your own attractiveness. And women are always competing for that top percentage of men (that look like younes) and don’t really give a crap about the rest.
Also, its very hard to settle down with an ultra buff man, because they simply have too many options. Top of the line men get approached by women more than you think. I can’t even imagine what kind of esteem this would give to a man. Knowing that there are guys out here who haven’t even talked to women in YEARS, while your plate is so full that you have to turn some away. Now imagine that and when they have money too?
I wouldn’t shade your friends, they are probably with good-looking men that just don’t reach up to these high standards you’ve pictured for yourself. Majority of the time, it doesn’t take much for a woman to be attractive. And because women are so fixated on their own looks, there are so many attractive women out there. I feel like it’s the same for men, except it doesn’t take half the amount of time it takes for women to be attractive. They literally need a shape up and a beard and boom, they’re good looking.
But now if you want men that look like Rome Flynn, Younes, Brad pitt or a Ronaldo – notice how much effort these kind of men put into their appearance. Whatever time women spend on their looks, double that. They are literally their good-looks, and from what I noticed, ultra buffness usually equates to having nothing more than them relying on their looks to get by in life. No personality, they’re not funny and they only ambition they have is to be buff.
Attraction is highly important though, you have to be attracted to the person you’re seeing – otherwise it just won’t bang. But what I will say is certainly the more you get to know, and love someone, they just get even more attractive to you. And conversely the really sought-after guy who is a diva, isn’t going to look so attractive after you’ve been with him for a while.
Anon
3 years ago
Mashallah you lads are so sweet. Thank you so much for showing up for our community of girls and women when we’ve never had a space like this before. Making dua for you always!
I’m 19F turning 20 soon. I keep seeing people getting Married and I honestly never thought about Dating. I keep getting insecure that nobody will ever date me or have a crush on me and eventually I’ll get married and I’ll love my husband so much more than he ever loved me and he’ll feel like he settled and didn’t really want to be with me.
I feel like I’m thinking irrationally but in reality anything can happen. I really do not want to get a divorce. I just want to be married once and really be in love. I don’t have any friends and my sisters and I aren’t close so I can’t really talk to them about it. I feel really behind in every aspect of my life honestly.
I don’t want to invalidate how you feel but have some perspective. You’re 19, there’s so much more to the world than just settling down. I swear.
People post all the time about girlfriends/significant others but the real fact is, if your only interest in relationships is the potential for happiness then it isn’t gonna work. You need to find happiness in other areas besides a relationship. You need to be able to have happiness and be single at the same time.
The worst thing, and a lot of people won’t tell you, is getting married before your life has even started. Like real adulthood. Because let’s be real, life changes after marriage. For some people it’s for the better, and that’s genuinely because they’ve experienced everything they wanted to before they hung their boots up. When you get married so young, eventually you’ll start to feel resentment towards your new life. You’re gonna miss being an individual, especially when being an individual can bring you so much more better experiences. And personally, I wouldn’t advise anyone to get married at that age. Because what kind of married life will you be able to give yourself at 19? When both of you haven’t even gotten your shit figured out, and now you have a child in the picture.
When I was 20 my dad always said to me I don’t want you to get married young (even though I didn’t want to anyway). But he just kept saying I want you to be able to finish university and be able to buy your own house. Because what was the point of me and your mum struggling if we couldn’t give you a different life? And it was so fucking true. What life could I have if I got married in my teens, it would be the same life my parents had when they fled here.
At the same time I hear a lot of “Don’t worry about it! Don’t care! Don’t care about being accepted, don’t care what others think, just be you! Who cares! Just do whatever the fuck you want and don’t worry if you’re alone!” And I know that gets annoying. We are social creatures. It’s not as easy as waking up one day and thinking “I don’t give a fuck if nobody likes me, actually. I don’t give a fuck if I never get married.” It is very fucking HUMAN to want these things, and to deny it means we erase our humanity. When we erase that humanity and the want to be social, it makes us capable of inhumane things.
I think the healthier option is to separate wants from needs, but to also acknowledge that it is okay to have wants. What you want is often just as important as what you need.
You’re not behind, you’re 19!! Give yourself a break. There’s so much more to life than this bubble you’ve created for yourself. Once you step out of that mentality, you’ll realise it is so much easier to do everything you want AS AN INDIVIDUAL. When you get married everything is about compromise. For some, even their dreams and aspirations has to be compromised – particularly when they start having children.
You can meet so many amazing people in your 20’s, and I’m more inclined to think, the longer you wait – the better man you’ll end up with.
My aunt is like my best friend and most of her friends got married in their late twenties. They are living such blessed lives Alhamdulilah and it was because of the lives they created for themselves. All home owners, all 6 figure households. I’m talking extended kitchens, loft refurbishments. All the lives us lot dream about. None of them were thinking about marriage in their earlier twenties, instead they focused on their careers and travelling. And because of that, they were able to meet likewise men who were on the same level as them. That was the best advice my aunt gave to me, when you are your own self made woman – you will attract people with the same goals and aspirations.
I honestly believe as you get older, the better kind of spouses you get exposed to as opposed to just being married at a young age with someone struggling just as much as you are. I feel like people only want marriage because they see the weddings on Instagram and the celebrations. It’s literally only one day. Marriage is your whole life
Anon
3 years ago
I’ve just become so big over the last couple of years and I’m not happy with my appearance anymore. I use to be so slim and pretty and now I’m just fat, ugly and lazy.
I’m not sure what is wrong with me I try so hard to get up and go exercise eat healthy. I know what I need to do but I feel like I just can’t do it. I feel like it’s evil eye, everytime I feel happy it just hurts to do anything for myself. I’ve lost my sense of self.
I have a good 9 to 5 job alx that pays me well and it’s everything I dreamed off. But over the last couple of years, I’ve just neglected myself. And I know I have. Im in my mid 20s now, I don’t care for men or being in a relationship I just think that when I get myself together I’ll look for a relationship. At the moment I’m not happy. I know what I need to do but I feel like something is weighing me down, I just can’t do it.
All my family and friends have told me I’ve gained a lot of weight and I don’t look how I use to look. I honestly don’t know what is wrong with me. The days are a blurr to me each day goes past and I’m doing a lot of eating and not much activity. Eating ice cream and sweets with no self control.
What the fuck has happened to me. I don’t even dress nice anymore like I use to, God knows the last time I wore makeup and a nice outfit.
Quarantine has been hard for everyone, and it’s very hard to burn calories when you’re stuck indoors. It’s not just you.
When I start feeling a little overwhelmed about everything around me being wrong, my first step is usually to write down a list of everything on my mind that needs done. Then I take care of things in small chunks. I usually like to clean first. It comes with an immediate feeling of satisfaction that something has been completed. Then I tackle the less fun projects, but with lots of breaks and rests.
As for looks, I think the same advice applies. Take a moment to actually look at yourself, take stock of everything. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you notice the changes and take stock of things. Then change the things that can be done immediately first.
Accept you’re not going to lose weight quickly. It’s going to take awhile. And trust me, you don’t want it to be quick, because you’ll end up with excessive skin. Just introduce new changes your lifestyle.
Cut out food after 6pm. People lose weight from just that alone.
Go to a strength training class twice a week. That’s all! Body pump at your local gym
Drink 2 litres of water a day
Make your portions smaller.
When you lose weight from doing this first, then you can up your routine. And you’ll feel more inclined to do it because you’ll notice the weight loss.
Then you can think about cutting out processed foods, introducing salads in the evening, going gym 3-4 times a week.
Take it slow
Anon
3 years ago
No questions. Just wanted to tell you that I admire you so much sis. May Allah Azzawajal bless you
Question, I’ve literally got a date coming up in a week and I can’t lie, I’m not a fashionista in the slightest. I’m not a hijab aswell so pls what am I wearing? Any recommendations 😭😭😭
If you’re not wearing a hijab, make sure your hair is very neat. Flowy hair/loose curls (fresh blow dry look) is always nice and a safe bet. If you can’t do it yourself, go to the hairdressers and ask for a fresh blow dry.
Wear all black, I always find a black really sexy 😍🤣 and maybe some black leather pants. You can wear kicks with those too, dunks always go well with leather pants.
Or if you want to go wear heels, wear an open toe and make sure your toes are done. Get French tip!
Wear a fitted blazer as a coat and have a nice small bag.
For make up, make it very simple. Don’t go over the top with eyeshadow, a nice natural look will do. And use lip gloss!!
Anon
3 years ago
I have no friends…what do ido? My wedding dates approaching soon 😔
Girl get friends because you actually want friends and you know you’ll be a good friend it return. Not because your wedding is coming up.
Tbh you should have done this way earlier, because I’m afraid it’s too late to make friends in time for your wedding. Maybe try to catch up with old friends?
Heyy hope you’re well. I find you page so useful, may Allah reward you for your efforts. I wanted to ask you for advice about something. When I was younger I used to never understand when someone says “men and women cannot be friends” I had great guy friends and nothing ever escalated past that. But then again we was not “close” and didn’t tell each other everything compared to my other girl friends. Anyways I met my closest guy friend at a part time job when I was 19 and we instantly connected. We was literally inseparable, it felt like I met the boy version of me! We would even call on the phone at time for hours just talking and laughing and I had never had that kind of friendship with a guy before. Anyways long story short, your girl caught feelings. As soon as I realised this I told him because I was certain I didn’t know have feelings for HIM but just our connection if that makes sense. I told him that it was just a phase I’m sure and would like a break from our friendship so that I could analyse what was happening. Anyways he was pretty chill with it, didn’t even get bothered or anything just said you do you. Then slowly we stopped talking because I left that job and we were just both busy with our lives. We would message each other every now and then to check how everything is going and every time we spoke it was like nothing changed. Anyways a few years go by and I find myself sometimes still thinking of him. I know I’m not his type at all (he is not my type either but his personality is just unmatched loool). Anyways now we are older and thinking of marriage etc and I keep finding myself wanting to go back to him and asking if he would consider us in a marriage? But then the other part of me is like “if he wanted to he would have asked already”. I’m torn and wanted to get your opinion 🥴
Don’t dwell on it and don’t reach out to the guy and it will fade away, only if you let yourself move on. People are always caught up in what-ifs; it’s human nature, and first crushes are really magical because of the raging hormones and all the fantasies you build up in your head. But you have to remember, he never felt the same way. It was just you.
You’re going to continue thinking about him if you don’t move on. Maybe when you move on with someone else, you might actually realise he wasn’t even that special (and this happens to girls A LOT). When you keep holding out for that old flame, you’ll never move on.
And if I’m being completely real with you, you need to respect yourself and rate your ting. Don’t ask a man to consider you for marriage. Come on girl. You are the one that’s meant to be courted, not the other way round. Get rid of that mentality asap, otherwise the rest of your life will just consist of you trying to convince unworthy men to love you.
Hi I’m 29F (not Muslim btw, I hope that is okay) and I’m not religious either. I honestly feel like a loser and failure. I’ve never had a bf, a virgin (again not for religious reasons) and I have practically no friends. I know you’re prob gonna say things like: exercise, read, focus on your physical appearance, etc but I do all those things. Im not unattractive or overweight by any means. The problem is that I am severely depressed. I’m scared of taking meds because idk what people will think of me. I’m starting to lose hope tbh. I know you will prob say something like find a hobby/passion you enjoy but I truly don’t think I have a purpose. I’ve graduated uni and work a boring desk job from home now bc of Covid. I’m socially isolated. Can’t travel. I’ve tried joining clubs etc but they get canceled bc of Covid bc not a enough ppl join.
Idk what type of answer I am expecting from you but my mental health is really awful. To the point where I wish I was dead but I don’t have it in me to commit suicide bc I don’t want my parents to be upset. I feel like a waste of space tbh. Anyway I guess some hope would be nice…. But if you don’t answer this then I can understand. God bless
Like you said, the problem is your mental health. No matter how good things will be for you, how many blessings you get, it will never make you happy because YOU are not happy.
Do not underestimate medication, and how much it can approve your quality of life. Do research on SSRI. Our bodies (including our brains) sometimes have flaws that need correcting. If a SSRI’s can change that for someone, we should be applauding it.
I know there is a stigma behind taking medication for your mental health, but when you actually deep it, its hypocritical. Since the dawn of mankind, humans have used tools to do things more efficiently and faster. Instead of walking everywhere, we started using horses then cars. Instead of using a rock to cut trees down, we used axes then chainsaws. Both of these things are examples of humans not using just themselves and using tools to make a task easier.
Why is your happiness the exception to this? When your leg breaks, you don’t just sit there with it flopping around, you get a cast to make the healing process easier. When you can’t see well, no one walks around blindly. They get glasses. Why are anti depressants or any other mental health medication the exception? The stigma behind medication or therapy or anything being bad or it makes you weak for taking advantage of them are completely asinine. With that logic, any of the aforementioned things would make a person weak. Were humans weak because we started using cars? No, it was smart to start using cars because it makes transportation more efficient.
From what I know, people who start taking anti-depressants don’t actually see results until 6-8 weeks later. One thing I will say, having seen how much it can improve the lives of people you love, I’m 100% for it. Wallahi just see testimonies of people who have taken anti-depressants, its fucking crazy.
You can’t keep feeling like this, something has got to give. And if medication is the way forward, go for it. But don’t do nothing, because it will spiral out of control. You’re right, you don’t need to hear the same go find a hobby, do something you love advice. You actually need practical advice. And my only real advice is to get the fuck up and be free. I don’t think I’ve ever been severely depressed, but I’ve definitely experienced depression and loss at the same time. And it was almost like one day my body just went into fight or flight mode and I was done with feeling so down and unhappy. I literally forced myself to make changes in my life, and even though that brought on sadness of its own, I’d rather be sadder making changes with the hope of seeing a silver lining, than just be sad and hopeless end of. Because hope is really all you have
Also I know you’re not religious, but from a religious background myself, religion helps me so much. I almost feel like a baby how much it brings me at peace. Islam has really taught me how to look past my problems. Like you might not have a lot of control over some issues in your life, but Islam can help you learn how to live a happy and content life despite them. There’s this book called ‘ Don’t Be Sad’ by Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni and you can get it on amazon:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dont-Sad-Aaidh-Abdullah-al-Qarni/dp/1643543466/ref=asc_df_1643543466/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=499352049769&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16819179158744238477&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1006668&hvtargid=pla-910931813414&psc=1&th=1&psc=1
What I love about this book is that its broken up into different topics rather than just chapters. And every topic is about a different feeling you have, and what you can do to help yourself. For example:
‘Depression weakens the body and the soul’
‘Do not grieve over tribialities’
‘Do not lose hope’
‘The days rotate in bringing good and the bad’
All those are so of my most highlighted chapters, and its just so comforting. Like it literally feels like a warm hug. Check it out and let me know what you think
I only get approached by men I’m not attract to , the one who are my type never come my way . I don’t know what to do , my friends accuse me of being superficial cause they all date guys they are not attract to initially . They tell me the attraction will come later . I tried and it doesnt I feel so superficial, I like top percent of pretty boys but I noticed they are never loyal because they have too many options. They are always cheating or playing girls
If I like a pretty boy who is fit with a sense of style ( think younes bendjima) with his shit together and who isn’t illiterate or dull ( I know my writing aint perfect myself but english aint my first language) . Well , I have to do the first step in a way or another . I have to do the first step which I hate , I have to follow first and likes his pictures . Shit send obvious signal , it usually work then we start dating but I always end up learning he is entertaining other girls . I feel like if I want to get what I want in a guy in term of basic requirements I need to drop my standard in look , age height or salary , which I don’t want to . What can I do ? I even thought about leaving the uk because the dating scene is so bad
Go for what you want, but be aware.
The fact that most women who are equal to your attractiveness, are dating (or trying to date) men above your own attractiveness. And women are always competing for that top percentage of men (that look like younes) and don’t really give a crap about the rest.
Also, its very hard to settle down with an ultra buff man, because they simply have too many options. Top of the line men get approached by women more than you think. I can’t even imagine what kind of esteem this would give to a man. Knowing that there are guys out here who haven’t even talked to women in YEARS, while your plate is so full that you have to turn some away. Now imagine that and when they have money too?
I wouldn’t shade your friends, they are probably with good-looking men that just don’t reach up to these high standards you’ve pictured for yourself. Majority of the time, it doesn’t take much for a woman to be attractive. And because women are so fixated on their own looks, there are so many attractive women out there. I feel like it’s the same for men, except it doesn’t take half the amount of time it takes for women to be attractive. They literally need a shape up and a beard and boom, they’re good looking.
But now if you want men that look like Rome Flynn, Younes, Brad pitt or a Ronaldo – notice how much effort these kind of men put into their appearance. Whatever time women spend on their looks, double that. They are literally their good-looks, and from what I noticed, ultra buffness usually equates to having nothing more than them relying on their looks to get by in life. No personality, they’re not funny and they only ambition they have is to be buff.
Attraction is highly important though, you have to be attracted to the person you’re seeing – otherwise it just won’t bang. But what I will say is certainly the more you get to know, and love someone, they just get even more attractive to you. And conversely the really sought-after guy who is a diva, isn’t going to look so attractive after you’ve been with him for a while.
Mashallah you lads are so sweet. Thank you so much for showing up for our community of girls and women when we’ve never had a space like this before. Making dua for you always!
my heart! Thank you so much my love
I’m 19F turning 20 soon. I keep seeing people getting Married and I honestly never thought about Dating. I keep getting insecure that nobody will ever date me or have a crush on me and eventually I’ll get married and I’ll love my husband so much more than he ever loved me and he’ll feel like he settled and didn’t really want to be with me.
I feel like I’m thinking irrationally but in reality anything can happen. I really do not want to get a divorce. I just want to be married once and really be in love. I don’t have any friends and my sisters and I aren’t close so I can’t really talk to them about it. I feel really behind in every aspect of my life honestly.
I don’t want to invalidate how you feel but have some perspective. You’re 19, there’s so much more to the world than just settling down. I swear.
People post all the time about girlfriends/significant others but the real fact is, if your only interest in relationships is the potential for happiness then it isn’t gonna work. You need to find happiness in other areas besides a relationship. You need to be able to have happiness and be single at the same time.
The worst thing, and a lot of people won’t tell you, is getting married before your life has even started. Like real adulthood. Because let’s be real, life changes after marriage. For some people it’s for the better, and that’s genuinely because they’ve experienced everything they wanted to before they hung their boots up. When you get married so young, eventually you’ll start to feel resentment towards your new life. You’re gonna miss being an individual, especially when being an individual can bring you so much more better experiences. And personally, I wouldn’t advise anyone to get married at that age. Because what kind of married life will you be able to give yourself at 19? When both of you haven’t even gotten your shit figured out, and now you have a child in the picture.
When I was 20 my dad always said to me I don’t want you to get married young (even though I didn’t want to anyway). But he just kept saying I want you to be able to finish university and be able to buy your own house. Because what was the point of me and your mum struggling if we couldn’t give you a different life? And it was so fucking true. What life could I have if I got married in my teens, it would be the same life my parents had when they fled here.
At the same time I hear a lot of “Don’t worry about it! Don’t care! Don’t care about being accepted, don’t care what others think, just be you! Who cares! Just do whatever the fuck you want and don’t worry if you’re alone!” And I know that gets annoying. We are social creatures. It’s not as easy as waking up one day and thinking “I don’t give a fuck if nobody likes me, actually. I don’t give a fuck if I never get married.” It is very fucking HUMAN to want these things, and to deny it means we erase our humanity. When we erase that humanity and the want to be social, it makes us capable of inhumane things.
I think the healthier option is to separate wants from needs, but to also acknowledge that it is okay to have wants. What you want is often just as important as what you need.
You’re not behind, you’re 19!! Give yourself a break. There’s so much more to life than this bubble you’ve created for yourself. Once you step out of that mentality, you’ll realise it is so much easier to do everything you want AS AN INDIVIDUAL. When you get married everything is about compromise. For some, even their dreams and aspirations has to be compromised – particularly when they start having children.
You can meet so many amazing people in your 20’s, and I’m more inclined to think, the longer you wait – the better man you’ll end up with.
My aunt is like my best friend and most of her friends got married in their late twenties. They are living such blessed lives Alhamdulilah and it was because of the lives they created for themselves. All home owners, all 6 figure households. I’m talking extended kitchens, loft refurbishments. All the lives us lot dream about. None of them were thinking about marriage in their earlier twenties, instead they focused on their careers and travelling. And because of that, they were able to meet likewise men who were on the same level as them. That was the best advice my aunt gave to me, when you are your own self made woman – you will attract people with the same goals and aspirations.
I honestly believe as you get older, the better kind of spouses you get exposed to as opposed to just being married at a young age with someone struggling just as much as you are. I feel like people only want marriage because they see the weddings on Instagram and the celebrations. It’s literally only one day. Marriage is your whole life
I’ve just become so big over the last couple of years and I’m not happy with my appearance anymore. I use to be so slim and pretty and now I’m just fat, ugly and lazy.
I’m not sure what is wrong with me I try so hard to get up and go exercise eat healthy. I know what I need to do but I feel like I just can’t do it. I feel like it’s evil eye, everytime I feel happy it just hurts to do anything for myself. I’ve lost my sense of self.
I have a good 9 to 5 job alx that pays me well and it’s everything I dreamed off. But over the last couple of years, I’ve just neglected myself. And I know I have. Im in my mid 20s now, I don’t care for men or being in a relationship I just think that when I get myself together I’ll look for a relationship. At the moment I’m not happy. I know what I need to do but I feel like something is weighing me down, I just can’t do it.
All my family and friends have told me I’ve gained a lot of weight and I don’t look how I use to look. I honestly don’t know what is wrong with me. The days are a blurr to me each day goes past and I’m doing a lot of eating and not much activity. Eating ice cream and sweets with no self control.
What the fuck has happened to me. I don’t even dress nice anymore like I use to, God knows the last time I wore makeup and a nice outfit.
Girl I feel you !!
Quarantine has been hard for everyone, and it’s very hard to burn calories when you’re stuck indoors. It’s not just you.
When I start feeling a little overwhelmed about everything around me being wrong, my first step is usually to write down a list of everything on my mind that needs done. Then I take care of things in small chunks. I usually like to clean first. It comes with an immediate feeling of satisfaction that something has been completed. Then I tackle the less fun projects, but with lots of breaks and rests.
As for looks, I think the same advice applies. Take a moment to actually look at yourself, take stock of everything. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you notice the changes and take stock of things. Then change the things that can be done immediately first.
Accept you’re not going to lose weight quickly. It’s going to take awhile. And trust me, you don’t want it to be quick, because you’ll end up with excessive skin. Just introduce new changes your lifestyle.
Cut out food after 6pm. People lose weight from just that alone.
Go to a strength training class twice a week. That’s all! Body pump at your local gym
Drink 2 litres of water a day
Make your portions smaller.
When you lose weight from doing this first, then you can up your routine. And you’ll feel more inclined to do it because you’ll notice the weight loss.
Then you can think about cutting out processed foods, introducing salads in the evening, going gym 3-4 times a week.
Take it slow
No questions. Just wanted to tell you that I admire you so much sis. May Allah Azzawajal bless you
🥺🥺🥺🥺 jazakallah sis thank you so much
Hey lulu!!
Question, I’ve literally got a date coming up in a week and I can’t lie, I’m not a fashionista in the slightest. I’m not a hijab aswell so pls what am I wearing? Any recommendations 😭😭😭
If you’re not wearing a hijab, make sure your hair is very neat. Flowy hair/loose curls (fresh blow dry look) is always nice and a safe bet. If you can’t do it yourself, go to the hairdressers and ask for a fresh blow dry.
Wear all black, I always find a black really sexy 😍🤣 and maybe some black leather pants. You can wear kicks with those too, dunks always go well with leather pants.
Or if you want to go wear heels, wear an open toe and make sure your toes are done. Get French tip!
Wear a fitted blazer as a coat and have a nice small bag.
For make up, make it very simple. Don’t go over the top with eyeshadow, a nice natural look will do. And use lip gloss!!
I have no friends…what do ido? My wedding dates approaching soon 😔
Girl get friends because you actually want friends and you know you’ll be a good friend it return. Not because your wedding is coming up.
Tbh you should have done this way earlier, because I’m afraid it’s too late to make friends in time for your wedding. Maybe try to catch up with old friends?
Where is ur engagement ring from x
Flawless fine in Hatton garden I believe