Hi I wanted to see if I’m overthinking or not but my friends have been moving very hot and cold recently and I’m unsure where this came from because it’s always been good vibes.Bare in mind I’ve been friends with some of these girls for years and I’ve never felt like this.Everything I say feels like it has been ignored or dismissed like I genuinely feel like I don’t matter when I’m around them.Especially my best friend who I literally always big up but never get the same in return,every time I tell her something or any problems I feel like it’s dismissed quick with no help.I try give her the benefit of the doubt because she’s very non chalant but it’s starting to get to me because she literally treats other people who she’s not close to so well.I never get compliments from her unless I ask for her opinion.Idk if I should speak to her about it or not.
Bring it up to them. Always communicate with your friendships what bothers you. Let them know straight up “You guys haven’t been good friends to me laterly” and go from there.
If they continue doing it, give them the same energy back.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi girls,
What is the best amount to ask for as mehr? I’m getting married and we’re both young ( early / mid 20s ). This sounds really selfish of me but I requested for 10K and he accepted that he will follow through. Am I being inconsiderate and lower the amount or stick to the amount that I asked for. Which I have made super clear from the start.
If he can afford it, why not? Don’t see the problem. That’s unless he can’t and you know he can’t, but you asked anyway. But he agreed, and the moment he says that officially on the nikkah – he is obliged islamically and has no choice to give you your mehr. Otherwise it’s considered as a debt, and you don’t want to die before you’ve paid your debt.
However I do know there are some dusties out there who are really playing with their own akirah by not fulfilling their promise, but one day they will get their just desserts.
Anon
3 years ago
Asalamu alaykum, hope you’re doing well. I’ll make it short and simple inshaAllah. So I’m planning to get married in the summer. The guy I’m marrying has few close friends and within that group of circle, I don’t like two of them. The first guy is a guy who grew up with. They’ve known each other for more than 15 years. Well guess what? He tried to come in between us and break us up because I took most of his time. Like how jealous can you be? The worst part when my man found out that it was him stirring the pot, he kept a distance. Well the second guy was talking to a friend of mine and as always, men love playing women, he was doing that. You know the usual, replying days later and some days love bombing. So my friend asked me to ask my man if he’s talking to other people or he’s ‘genuinely’ busy with work. And my man did and the guy went crazy. All defensive and everything. He messaged my friend saying why you taking my business to others. And obviously got mad at me too. Typical. Anyways, my question here is that these two are his closest friends and I don’t know want them at my wedding but I don’t want to break up their friendship, you know. I’m just confused and we haven’t talked about it but I’m leaning towards not having them there at all. Any help please?
Can’t lie, this is you and your fiancée’s problem. People will only interfere in your relationship if you let them. This is why you separate your friends from your relationships. Even if all they are doing is trying to be good friends, doesn’t matter. Its never good to mix the two.
My friends only actually met my husband when he was just about to propose to me and on my wedding day. The age difference helps because neither of them would have reason to hang out or mix together if that makes sense. But its really mainly because me and my husband are very private. And I learnt from previous experiences to keep that shit separate!
Even if there’s beef, beef is solved IN HOUSE. Can’t blame your friends for having too much to say when they are being good friends who only want the best for you. If they see something that’s upsetting you, they are invested. Even if you two get over it quickly like most couples do, friends are justifiably less forgiving because you have upset their friend!
I was definitely one of those friends who had too much to say, but it was genuinely because people kept coming to me with their problems and naturally I would get invested. But I’ve realised its best to step back and let people do what they want. Because no matter what, you can never stop two people from being together, no matter how dire the situation is.
Also, its not your business to like his friends. And your fiancée needs to be a man and stop telling him friends every detail. For the other guy who played your friend, its just fault for setting them up together. I learnt the hard way when I was younger, do not fucking set up your friends with your man’s friends. Because when you break up, this ex is never not going to be in your life just by mere association. You’re always gonna keep hearing about them because they are dating your friend!
You can’t just decide you don’t want his boys there. Your feelings are valid but this is not a decision you get to make on your own. You need to have a conversation with your fiancé. Also don’t be surprised if he says no, he wants his boys there. Because if it was the other way around, you wouldn’t have it if your man said you couldn’t invite your girls.
Wallahi seriously, you are in too much passa passa. Too much chatty business and you’re getting involved instead of acting DUMB. No one gets in beef when you ACT DUMB. Of course his friend is gonna ask you why are you chatting his business. He’s right! Why are you? When you do shit like that, you just invite people to chat shit about you and yours. How hard is it to be in a relationship and not involve people? Stop chilling with your man when he’s around your friends and vice versa. Then there will be no problem. And if any one of your friends have something to say about your spouse, you better fucking check them there and then. Don’t ever let your friends feel comfortable talking shit about your husband. And I hope your fiancée has the same mentality.
I hope I don’t sound mean because honestly someone needs to tell you. You can’t have your cake and eat it. Know when to distance the things you love from people because then you just open it up to constant scrutiny and gossip!
Anon
3 years ago
Hey I want to do teaching but that’s not my true passion I honestly don’t know what to do I graduated a year ago now basically and I feel like a bum just doing whatnot here and there I don’t know what my calling is I want to do tech I think But I don’t know how to get into it and if I want to do teaching i don’t have experience for tp apply for this year and idk how to start a personal statement nor do I have rhe motivation just soooo lost and confused
Do a coding course first and then you will scratch your itch trust me. Its not for the faint hearted. If you can keep up, its for you. If its not, at least you’ll know before you’ve invested more time into it only to realise its not for you. And then you can move onto something else.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi girls!!
I’ve been dating this guy for 5 months and I really like him. I told him I don’t want to kiss or anything like that until I get married and he respected that. But the thing is it’s getting a bit hard now to adhere to those rules but there’s no way in hell I’m getting married to someone after 5 months of knowing them. I was just wondering if you have some tips?
Go out during the day time, take public transport together (I know you want to be in a car, but if you’re not trying to do anything, I wouldn’t advise it)
See each other just once a week and nothing more, spend a lot of time on the phone.
When things do get intense, remind each other that you’re doing this to please Allah swt.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey babe!!
You know when u say you wax, do you do it yourself or do you go to someone for it 🥺
I’ve been dating an amazing man for just over 2 years with the intention of getting married right after I finish uni (which will be by the end of 2022). This man is everything to me, I love him so much he treats me right he values my opinion respects me and respects others, tries to always be on the right path when it comes to religion and never hurts anyone. Now the issue is he’s always so serious, always keeps a serious face and never smiles or laughs unless it’s something to laugh at, he hates being around people and doesn’t like to show much excitement, he’s a bit dull, always to himself and shows barely any emotions. I’m the exact opposite, I love people and being around people, I love enjoying my time and giving out random smiles, I feel SOO much better about myself when I start a conversation with a lady on the street, I am a bubble of emotions and am not shy to show it. I’ve spoken to him about the issue but it seems like it’s a “me issue” since I can’t seem to accept it. I don’t know if I could continue with him if I’m being honest, it’s very tough being with someone that’s the exact opposite of me. Any advice will be appreciated!
It is a “you” issue. This is truly how he is. Nothing more nothing less
Not everyone is out-going or a social butterfly and there is nothing wrong with that. If he prefers spending time at home, but he still has a positive attitude, then let him be. Some people just prefer not being around people.
If this is who your man has been since the beginning. It’s unfair for you to ask him to change now. You can talk to him about your concerns, but it’s kinda unfair to expect him to change. If you’re not happy about his personality, then maybe this just isn’t the right guy for you.
But if you still want to be with him, my advice is to be careful, pick and choose the events you “invite” him too. There are some situations that are important to you that he should go to, and others where it’s not that big a deal. Decline politely on his behalf if you don’t think he’ll want to go and it’s not really important to you that he be there. That limits the number of times that he has to play at being a good sport for your sake.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls!!
I dated this guy for about 6 months and he was the first guy I ever dated but I realised I didn’t like him but I just like how sexy he made me feel so I cut things off. Is it bad if I date guys because they make me feel sexy? Im only 22 and don’t want to settle down so what do you think?
Nope. What’s the point of dating someone that doesn’t make you feel like a bad bitch? Keep doing what you’re doing sis I subscribe to this!
Anon
3 years ago
Hi! I just wanted to give a different perspective to the one you gave. To the girl who’s in her early 20s and getting married to the 27 year old who seems to be unappreciative of you now that the balls rolling.
I would firstly begin by saying please pray istikhara and make plenty of dua for Allah to guide you to what’s best for you and genuinely know that regardless of the outcome, it was written for you.
Secondly I would reiterate the importance of trying to maybe write down anything that you’re currently upset about and more than likely can’t get over. Think about what is very important to you and take it from there towards communicating your feelings to him.
You can’t expect people to change their behaviour if you’re not communicating what you want.
If after you communicate this to him, he is still not willing to change his behaviour. Leave that boy with his mum. Making decisions together is very very important in a marriage, and if he’s refusing to consider your decisions this early on it sounds like a red flag.
He seems to be a mummy’s boy from what you’ve told me and this will only get worse after marriage as his mums ‘feelings’ will always be a deciding factor in any small or even important decisions in your marriage.
Please carefully weigh up all the pros and cons and take your time making this decision as it’s always a million times easier to not go ahead with the marriage as opposed to trying to get a divorce once you’re in it. Please try not to ignore your intuition and gut feeling and try to ignore anyone else who tries to convince you otherwise.
Making dua that you figure this all out and May Allah make this easy for you. Remember that what Allah wills for you will never miss you.
Hey guys I need some advice. I apologise in advance for the grammar. I have a friend since childhood lets call her Alex, she is funny and a good person. However, We went on holiday with another group of girls and the things I noticed made me feel so uncomfortable. Alex would pick on everything a particular girl did in inexplicit ways. This in turn changed my whole view of Alex and made me question her as, a person and our friendship. In the past she has admitted to not feeling as pretty which is crazy because she is really pretty. She never ever gives me compliments which is fine but is very quick to agree with me when I talk about my flaws and don’t even get me started on the pictures she posts of me in special occasions. I know this dilemma is not as deep or complicated as the rest. But I honestly don’t know what to do. She is not a bad person and shes been my friend for years.
Your friend is a bully. And she is a secret hater, the only reason why you don’t see it is because you’re blinded by the years you’ve spent being friends. Years don’t equate to quality. She’s a little bitch I won’t lie. Someone needs to tell her about herself and I hope thats you. Yes It will be uncomfortable but if you want your friend back, your real friend, the person you know her to be, let her know she’s being a witch.
Hi I wanted to see if I’m overthinking or not but my friends have been moving very hot and cold recently and I’m unsure where this came from because it’s always been good vibes.Bare in mind I’ve been friends with some of these girls for years and I’ve never felt like this.Everything I say feels like it has been ignored or dismissed like I genuinely feel like I don’t matter when I’m around them.Especially my best friend who I literally always big up but never get the same in return,every time I tell her something or any problems I feel like it’s dismissed quick with no help.I try give her the benefit of the doubt because she’s very non chalant but it’s starting to get to me because she literally treats other people who she’s not close to so well.I never get compliments from her unless I ask for her opinion.Idk if I should speak to her about it or not.
Bring it up to them. Always communicate with your friendships what bothers you. Let them know straight up “You guys haven’t been good friends to me laterly” and go from there.
If they continue doing it, give them the same energy back.
Hi girls,
What is the best amount to ask for as mehr? I’m getting married and we’re both young ( early / mid 20s ). This sounds really selfish of me but I requested for 10K and he accepted that he will follow through. Am I being inconsiderate and lower the amount or stick to the amount that I asked for. Which I have made super clear from the start.
If he can afford it, why not? Don’t see the problem. That’s unless he can’t and you know he can’t, but you asked anyway. But he agreed, and the moment he says that officially on the nikkah – he is obliged islamically and has no choice to give you your mehr. Otherwise it’s considered as a debt, and you don’t want to die before you’ve paid your debt.
However I do know there are some dusties out there who are really playing with their own akirah by not fulfilling their promise, but one day they will get their just desserts.
Asalamu alaykum, hope you’re doing well. I’ll make it short and simple inshaAllah. So I’m planning to get married in the summer. The guy I’m marrying has few close friends and within that group of circle, I don’t like two of them. The first guy is a guy who grew up with. They’ve known each other for more than 15 years. Well guess what? He tried to come in between us and break us up because I took most of his time. Like how jealous can you be? The worst part when my man found out that it was him stirring the pot, he kept a distance. Well the second guy was talking to a friend of mine and as always, men love playing women, he was doing that. You know the usual, replying days later and some days love bombing. So my friend asked me to ask my man if he’s talking to other people or he’s ‘genuinely’ busy with work. And my man did and the guy went crazy. All defensive and everything. He messaged my friend saying why you taking my business to others. And obviously got mad at me too. Typical. Anyways, my question here is that these two are his closest friends and I don’t know want them at my wedding but I don’t want to break up their friendship, you know. I’m just confused and we haven’t talked about it but I’m leaning towards not having them there at all. Any help please?
Can’t lie, this is you and your fiancée’s problem. People will only interfere in your relationship if you let them. This is why you separate your friends from your relationships. Even if all they are doing is trying to be good friends, doesn’t matter. Its never good to mix the two.
My friends only actually met my husband when he was just about to propose to me and on my wedding day. The age difference helps because neither of them would have reason to hang out or mix together if that makes sense. But its really mainly because me and my husband are very private. And I learnt from previous experiences to keep that shit separate!
Even if there’s beef, beef is solved IN HOUSE. Can’t blame your friends for having too much to say when they are being good friends who only want the best for you. If they see something that’s upsetting you, they are invested. Even if you two get over it quickly like most couples do, friends are justifiably less forgiving because you have upset their friend!
I was definitely one of those friends who had too much to say, but it was genuinely because people kept coming to me with their problems and naturally I would get invested. But I’ve realised its best to step back and let people do what they want. Because no matter what, you can never stop two people from being together, no matter how dire the situation is.
Also, its not your business to like his friends. And your fiancée needs to be a man and stop telling him friends every detail. For the other guy who played your friend, its just fault for setting them up together. I learnt the hard way when I was younger, do not fucking set up your friends with your man’s friends. Because when you break up, this ex is never not going to be in your life just by mere association. You’re always gonna keep hearing about them because they are dating your friend!
You can’t just decide you don’t want his boys there. Your feelings are valid but this is not a decision you get to make on your own. You need to have a conversation with your fiancé. Also don’t be surprised if he says no, he wants his boys there. Because if it was the other way around, you wouldn’t have it if your man said you couldn’t invite your girls.
Wallahi seriously, you are in too much passa passa. Too much chatty business and you’re getting involved instead of acting DUMB. No one gets in beef when you ACT DUMB. Of course his friend is gonna ask you why are you chatting his business. He’s right! Why are you? When you do shit like that, you just invite people to chat shit about you and yours. How hard is it to be in a relationship and not involve people? Stop chilling with your man when he’s around your friends and vice versa. Then there will be no problem. And if any one of your friends have something to say about your spouse, you better fucking check them there and then. Don’t ever let your friends feel comfortable talking shit about your husband. And I hope your fiancée has the same mentality.
I hope I don’t sound mean because honestly someone needs to tell you. You can’t have your cake and eat it. Know when to distance the things you love from people because then you just open it up to constant scrutiny and gossip!
Hey I want to do teaching but that’s not my true passion I honestly don’t know what to do I graduated a year ago now basically and I feel like a bum just doing whatnot here and there I don’t know what my calling is I want to do tech I think But I don’t know how to get into it and if I want to do teaching i don’t have experience for tp apply for this year and idk how to start a personal statement nor do I have rhe motivation just soooo lost and confused
Do a coding course first and then you will scratch your itch trust me. Its not for the faint hearted. If you can keep up, its for you. If its not, at least you’ll know before you’ve invested more time into it only to realise its not for you. And then you can move onto something else.
Hi girls!!
I’ve been dating this guy for 5 months and I really like him. I told him I don’t want to kiss or anything like that until I get married and he respected that. But the thing is it’s getting a bit hard now to adhere to those rules but there’s no way in hell I’m getting married to someone after 5 months of knowing them. I was just wondering if you have some tips?
Go out during the day time, take public transport together (I know you want to be in a car, but if you’re not trying to do anything, I wouldn’t advise it)
See each other just once a week and nothing more, spend a lot of time on the phone.
When things do get intense, remind each other that you’re doing this to please Allah swt.
Hey babe!!
You know when u say you wax, do you do it yourself or do you go to someone for it 🥺
I get someone else to do it for me
I’ve been dating an amazing man for just over 2 years with the intention of getting married right after I finish uni (which will be by the end of 2022). This man is everything to me, I love him so much he treats me right he values my opinion respects me and respects others, tries to always be on the right path when it comes to religion and never hurts anyone. Now the issue is he’s always so serious, always keeps a serious face and never smiles or laughs unless it’s something to laugh at, he hates being around people and doesn’t like to show much excitement, he’s a bit dull, always to himself and shows barely any emotions. I’m the exact opposite, I love people and being around people, I love enjoying my time and giving out random smiles, I feel SOO much better about myself when I start a conversation with a lady on the street, I am a bubble of emotions and am not shy to show it. I’ve spoken to him about the issue but it seems like it’s a “me issue” since I can’t seem to accept it. I don’t know if I could continue with him if I’m being honest, it’s very tough being with someone that’s the exact opposite of me. Any advice will be appreciated!
It is a “you” issue. This is truly how he is. Nothing more nothing less
Not everyone is out-going or a social butterfly and there is nothing wrong with that. If he prefers spending time at home, but he still has a positive attitude, then let him be. Some people just prefer not being around people.
If this is who your man has been since the beginning. It’s unfair for you to ask him to change now. You can talk to him about your concerns, but it’s kinda unfair to expect him to change. If you’re not happy about his personality, then maybe this just isn’t the right guy for you.
But if you still want to be with him, my advice is to be careful, pick and choose the events you “invite” him too. There are some situations that are important to you that he should go to, and others where it’s not that big a deal. Decline politely on his behalf if you don’t think he’ll want to go and it’s not really important to you that he be there. That limits the number of times that he has to play at being a good sport for your sake.
Hey girls!!
I dated this guy for about 6 months and he was the first guy I ever dated but I realised I didn’t like him but I just like how sexy he made me feel so I cut things off. Is it bad if I date guys because they make me feel sexy? Im only 22 and don’t want to settle down so what do you think?
Nope. What’s the point of dating someone that doesn’t make you feel like a bad bitch? Keep doing what you’re doing sis I subscribe to this!
Hi! I just wanted to give a different perspective to the one you gave. To the girl who’s in her early 20s and getting married to the 27 year old who seems to be unappreciative of you now that the balls rolling.
I would firstly begin by saying please pray istikhara and make plenty of dua for Allah to guide you to what’s best for you and genuinely know that regardless of the outcome, it was written for you.
Secondly I would reiterate the importance of trying to maybe write down anything that you’re currently upset about and more than likely can’t get over. Think about what is very important to you and take it from there towards communicating your feelings to him.
You can’t expect people to change their behaviour if you’re not communicating what you want.
If after you communicate this to him, he is still not willing to change his behaviour. Leave that boy with his mum. Making decisions together is very very important in a marriage, and if he’s refusing to consider your decisions this early on it sounds like a red flag.
He seems to be a mummy’s boy from what you’ve told me and this will only get worse after marriage as his mums ‘feelings’ will always be a deciding factor in any small or even important decisions in your marriage.
Please carefully weigh up all the pros and cons and take your time making this decision as it’s always a million times easier to not go ahead with the marriage as opposed to trying to get a divorce once you’re in it. Please try not to ignore your intuition and gut feeling and try to ignore anyone else who tries to convince you otherwise.
Making dua that you figure this all out and May Allah make this easy for you. Remember that what Allah wills for you will never miss you.
Good one!
Hey guys I need some advice. I apologise in advance for the grammar. I have a friend since childhood lets call her Alex, she is funny and a good person. However, We went on holiday with another group of girls and the things I noticed made me feel so uncomfortable. Alex would pick on everything a particular girl did in inexplicit ways. This in turn changed my whole view of Alex and made me question her as, a person and our friendship. In the past she has admitted to not feeling as pretty which is crazy because she is really pretty. She never ever gives me compliments which is fine but is very quick to agree with me when I talk about my flaws and don’t even get me started on the pictures she posts of me in special occasions. I know this dilemma is not as deep or complicated as the rest. But I honestly don’t know what to do. She is not a bad person and shes been my friend for years.
Your friend is a bully. And she is a secret hater, the only reason why you don’t see it is because you’re blinded by the years you’ve spent being friends. Years don’t equate to quality. She’s a little bitch I won’t lie. Someone needs to tell her about herself and I hope thats you. Yes It will be uncomfortable but if you want your friend back, your real friend, the person you know her to be, let her know she’s being a witch.