Hey I’ve seen you mention watching the bachelor to see how to talk to guys can you tell us what you learnt from there for those of us who don’t have the time or link clips?
Its basically about 30 people fighting for one person, its kind of stupid BUT it’s really interesting honestly. Basically everyone is given only a few opportunities to put themselves forward and build a connection. So you have to be really charming, and good at flirting. Some of the bars on there are sick ngl LMAO. And you can tell early on whose gonna win the whole thing. I say watch it because you can copy how to charm/flirt when you get to know someone.
Anon
3 years ago
What glue do you use for you wig and what do you use to take it off your wig
How should you act when a guys moves to you like do I just be nice and give out my socials or be a bit hard to get I’m 19 so I’m not ready used to it but I’ve been getting moved to loadsss lately and I still haven’t even been in a first date I’m dreading it low key because I’m so used to have constan be in my masculine energy and I’m trying to stop that and idk what to wear to say 😭
Life is about being aloof and saying yes. When you start taking things as a joke, you won’t be nervous anymore because it doesn’t mean that much to you if it doesn’t work out. You’ll only get nervous if you convince yourself you’re going to fuck up and embarrass yourself because you like them far too much. Don’t like anyone too much seriously. The main reason why I was so charming before I met my husband was because I know I didn’t like people enough, it was just about having fun and making jokes. Like its so fun to flirt, its not fun though when you’re nervous as hell. After a while, you get really comfortable.
Anon
3 years ago
What kind of designer bag would you recommend that I can rinse out , I want to bring more designer bags into my style but there so expensive I was thinking the Gucci one that everyone has or the black Marc jacobs bag
I wouldnt get the gucci one has a first bag, idk if its just me, but part of me feels like its tacky (even though I have it LOL). It only works with casual stuff like jeans. Definitely not a night out bag. I really love the prada nylon bags, I feel like thats a good starter bag. You can always bang them out until you save up for a big boy bag. But why save up when you can have a man buy them for you looooool
My favourite big boy bags: The dionysus bags, the ysl sunset bags (I love those). I wouldn’t suggest dior saddle bags until your UP UP because you can literally get two ysl sunset bags with the amount it costs to get one saddle bag.
Anon
3 years ago
What makeup products do y use your masters insta post was flawless , I don’t to know all of them and some techniques you did to get it like that
And I don’t use different make up brands, they are the regular standard ones. Like nars foundation, two faced concealer and random blush, and any eyeshadow pallet. Its just a lot of technique. I’m a good drawer so I have really steady hands. When I do make up, I take a lot of time because I’m being soft with my hands, rather than just being rough & quick. Especially with my eyebrows and eyeshadow, I do it as if I’m doing a painting.
Anon
3 years ago
Any makeup/outfits tips your makeup is so gorgeous I want to up my makeup game and try more of an effort with my look.
Plan your outfit way before, and look for inspiration on instagram and only look at outfits that are being worn by women with the same body shape as you.
For make up:
Really damp beauty blender, and get those mini ones for concealer. Oh don’t blend your concealer straight away, let it sit there for a few minutes and then blend. Only bake under ur eyes and beside your nose, not your cheeks!
Make sure your eyebrow pencil/brush is SHARP.
Use setting spray throughout your make up routine.
Anon
3 years ago
Where do you get ur wigs and who did your install it look so natural xx
I usually get my wigs from aliexpress, I would put the link down but can’t seem to find it. It’s probably under a different company name now (I got my wigs YEARS AGO). The first time I got it installed was by @larochellecreations on instagram. But once she customised the wig (sorted out the hairline, babyhairs, bleaching etc) – I pretty much learned how to do it on youtube and did it myself.
I’m more inclined to think I can always install my wigs now, I just need someone to customise it for me first. But for big big holidays I’ll get it professionally installed.
Anon
3 years ago
So me and my man want to get married soon but it’s so hard because we barely earn enough. He earns maybe 1.8 after tax monthly which is nothing (not a grad job) so he’s saying that he wants to wait for something better which could take idk how long which is true… In regards to moving and looking for apartments and rent et how did you go about it? Bc I’m finding it hard to find something decently priced and affordable esp on lets say a 2k a month salary in ldn that’s 1.6 rent and nothing left over basically. So which websites or did you go actively look in areas and stuff. This is honestly hurting my head. I feel when we both have stable enough jobs w stable salaries then we can which can be 5 months or 2 years who knows but I don’t think without being financially set we can get married it doesn’t make sense ?
That’s the reality unfortunately. It’s so much harder to get married because of this. And this whole 50/50 living is going to be the experience for a lot of young couples who are on lower salaries. It’s unrealistic to expect a young man earning 1800 a month to pay all the rent. And that doesn’t even include council tax or other bills. It’s literally the base.
Most good flats to rent start from 1500 no matter what location and Its fucked up. And some of them are not even in good conditions, the ones that are start from 1800. Wallahi its shocking, the amount of audacity on Zoopla right now? Crazy
You guys best bet is to look at places in zone 5 & 6. It’s going to be further but those places are usually the cheapest. I went on Zoopla and rightmove to get a picture of where I wanted to live, and then I just went for particular agencies that had the places I wanted and built a relationship with them. Like it got to the point where they’d let me know what’s available in the future months before they advertise it. You literally have to chase them up all the time. But you can definitely find somewhere thats a good decent price. My friend randomly found a two bedroom flat new build that was 1200 a month and she got it so quickly because the landlord wanted to rent it out ASAP. Sometimes you get lucky like that.
In my experience, I knew I wanted to move out before I got married, I was living with my aunt during lockdown (my mum doesn’t live here and I needed somewhere that felt like home). I ended up staying there until I got engaged but I was desperate for my own space. I spent months looking and wallahi it takes time! The process is truly demoralising, because sometimes you will call an agency up and the advertised flat has already been taken. But you just have to keep looking, wallahi you will find something I PROMISE. And it will come when you least expect it. My husband knew what place I wanted, and just before my birthday the agency randomly called him and said the flat I wanted was available in 2 weeks and they didn’t advertise It yet. And within a few days, they contract was signed and he gave me the keys on my birthday. So sometimes something that takes 8 months to look for, can be done and completed within a matter of days. It’s really just about luck and finances obviously. I’m only saying this because I’m under the assumption people save up for rent before looking for a place, so when something does come up, they can literally put a down payment rather than just waiting for that months paycheck.
I would honestly wait until you guys save up at least 6 months rent in advance. It gives you enough room to save between then and look for other options. There are other ways of finding places though (especially in the Somali community), living in someone else’s council property even though they are not meant to. But it still happens (and its smart imo). Ask around your family, and see if they can help. Not many people are lucky enough to have this option, so if you do, don’t be afraid to ask for some help. You might not end up with the place you wanted but at least it’s a roof over your head.
Anon
3 years ago
salam love, really enjoying your platform & may Allah reward you for helping so many women!
my question is, when talking to a guy, what qualities should you look for/are most important for a relationship to work out long term? how do you know if you’re really compatible in the long run- beyond a spark/good convo? marriage is a massive decision & i want to make sure i’m being smart in evaluating this.
Kindness. The older I get the more important this is to me. You can be as smart, funny, educated, sporty, and whatnot as you want, if you’re not kind, you’re not someone I would ever want to be with. If you’re not kind to everyone and just me, how long will it take for you to give me the same treatment too??
The understanding of and capacity for emotional labour. There’s going to be several times in a woman’s life where she is going to need emotional support, especially during pregnancy and post partum. You need someone who will have sabr for you, and can be your support when you are down.
Like others have said, emotional intelligence is another big deal. It’s important to me in a relationship that a man knows how to recognize his feelings, think about his feelings, process his feelings, and then finally, communicate them to me effectively. A lack of these skills in the men I’ve dated before is the reason I never was serious with them. If my life is already turbulent enough, I didn’t want to add onto that. I wanted peace.
Also, I think one’s ability to express empathy is a pretty good one. I’m not saying test someone, but for example, if early into things, you have a bad day and mention it, how a person responds to that information can tell you a lot. Someone who brushes it off to talk about themselves, or doesn’t understand why something upset you, or doesn’t even ask if you want to talk about it… all can be signs of lack of emotional intelligence.
Listening. I mean really listening, not just hearing the issue and then spending the rest of the time I’m talking to formulate the plan of action you think I should take. If I want to take some action a couple of things will happen; I’ll ask you for advice or I’ll tell you what I had planned and what you thought of it. For someone like me, who has had to take control of everything because I don’t trust people to do the things in my best interest, I can’t tell you how fucking happy I am to have someone who takes control before I even think of doing it. Before I even lift up my finger its “Babe I’ll get that sorted” – If I’m beefing with family, he will take control and give me a solution. If I’m sick, he will book my appointment for me. And even when I complain about shit that has no substance, he will listen! To have your undivided attention throughout my bitchfest and not have you trying to fix it without my request for advice is huge and most of the men I talked to before just wasn’t interested in hearing me. The only thing that was of interest to them was when I was being good vibes. Venting is healthy and necessary, and if you interrupt it you stand a chance of catching redirected beef.
Humility. I know I will get along with someone at least a little if they are skilled at something (s) and don’t let it go to their head. Understanding no matter how advanced you are, there is always more to learn is very appealing and indicates maturity. My husband is one of the most humble people I know, wallahi he’s an actual genius and is so great at everything and he is done so well for himself, but neither of those things he actually gives a shit about. In fact, he often reminds me and himself about the times when he had nothing. Or the first time he even learned how to read. When his family fled here, he literally had to pick up pennies on the floor for pocket money. And I think this is why he is so generous and responsible with money, because he literally remembers when he had nothing. Having a job, making money is just a means to an end for him, not the end all be all. To this day he doesn’t splurge on himself, he doesn’t like designer, and the only time he really truly spent on himself is when he bought his car and flat. All those other years he didn’t buy nothing. He was either saving or helping out family. And that’s another thing. He is always willing to give away before he gives to himself (sometimes to his own detriment). It’s why I love him so much. The sense of doing something, without the expectation of anything being returned. If you post your “benevolence” on social media, or brag, its not benevolence. He has an incredibly big heart and compassion is the closest love/feeling I will get that’s not my parents. Because he always extends this to me.
Another thing to look for, is his relationships with his younger sibling. Is he truly a good brother? Does he set a good example, does he protect them? I feel like this relationship gives you a picture of what they’ll be like as a Father.
Being able to make you laugh is another huge deal. Are you funny, light-hearted? Can you make my life feel like I’m having the best time ever when I’m with you? Chemistry too, because you want to have that feeling where you both only have eyes for each other. Both attracted to each other. Outside of you two, no one else exists. And it has to be a mutual feeling too.
Religious compatibility too. I couldn’t live with someone who thinks I’m at best delusional about the most important thing in my life. Without faith, your lives will have no barakah in it. Everyone’s imaan is bound to fluctuate at some point in your life. But to have someone that will encourage you, instead of distancing you away from the deen is really important.
But yeah thats all (loool I know its alot). But I do think by going off of those standards or requirements you like, inshallah you distinguish what makes a man an honourable man that will look after you. I got to see those qualities very early on in my relationship (before I intended it be a fling) and thats how it grew from there.
Anon
3 years ago
My husband and I are having problems which could end in divorce. I am pregnant and even though I know it’s bad and a sin I’m thinking about getting an abortion. I don’t want to be that girl who moves back into her parents house single and with a child. I’m still young and I could bounce back after a divorce. I just don’t want to be left with a child. What do you think?
I don’t encourage abortion, but I can understand wholeheartedly why you’d consider that. However islamically, it’s not permissible. And that’s what I have to go off of. I know its a shit situation right now, and you might end up getting divorced, or you might not. Only God knows,
Wallahi my best advice right now is to pray, make dua and start saving. Save as much as you can. And let your parents know how you’re feeling, so they are prepared to take you in if necessary.
Hey I’ve seen you mention watching the bachelor to see how to talk to guys can you tell us what you learnt from there for those of us who don’t have the time or link clips?
You really just have to watch it.
Its basically about 30 people fighting for one person, its kind of stupid BUT it’s really interesting honestly. Basically everyone is given only a few opportunities to put themselves forward and build a connection. So you have to be really charming, and good at flirting. Some of the bars on there are sick ngl LMAO. And you can tell early on whose gonna win the whole thing. I say watch it because you can copy how to charm/flirt when you get to know someone.
What glue do you use for you wig and what do you use to take it off your wig
Talichihair – Stuckwithme glue
And I use hot water and shampoo to take it off.
How should you act when a guys moves to you like do I just be nice and give out my socials or be a bit hard to get I’m 19 so I’m not ready used to it but I’ve been getting moved to loadsss lately and I still haven’t even been in a first date I’m dreading it low key because I’m so used to have constan be in my masculine energy and I’m trying to stop that and idk what to wear to say 😭
Life is about being aloof and saying yes. When you start taking things as a joke, you won’t be nervous anymore because it doesn’t mean that much to you if it doesn’t work out. You’ll only get nervous if you convince yourself you’re going to fuck up and embarrass yourself because you like them far too much. Don’t like anyone too much seriously. The main reason why I was so charming before I met my husband was because I know I didn’t like people enough, it was just about having fun and making jokes. Like its so fun to flirt, its not fun though when you’re nervous as hell. After a while, you get really comfortable.
What kind of designer bag would you recommend that I can rinse out , I want to bring more designer bags into my style but there so expensive I was thinking the Gucci one that everyone has or the black Marc jacobs bag
I wouldnt get the gucci one has a first bag, idk if its just me, but part of me feels like its tacky (even though I have it LOL). It only works with casual stuff like jeans. Definitely not a night out bag. I really love the prada nylon bags, I feel like thats a good starter bag. You can always bang them out until you save up for a big boy bag. But why save up when you can have a man buy them for you looooool
My favourite big boy bags: The dionysus bags, the ysl sunset bags (I love those). I wouldn’t suggest dior saddle bags until your UP UP because you can literally get two ysl sunset bags with the amount it costs to get one saddle bag.
What makeup products do y use your masters insta post was flawless , I don’t to know all of them and some techniques you did to get it like that
Thank you!
And I don’t use different make up brands, they are the regular standard ones. Like nars foundation, two faced concealer and random blush, and any eyeshadow pallet. Its just a lot of technique. I’m a good drawer so I have really steady hands. When I do make up, I take a lot of time because I’m being soft with my hands, rather than just being rough & quick. Especially with my eyebrows and eyeshadow, I do it as if I’m doing a painting.
Any makeup/outfits tips your makeup is so gorgeous I want to up my makeup game and try more of an effort with my look.
Thank you beautiful
Plan your outfit way before, and look for inspiration on instagram and only look at outfits that are being worn by women with the same body shape as you.
For make up:
Really damp beauty blender, and get those mini ones for concealer. Oh don’t blend your concealer straight away, let it sit there for a few minutes and then blend. Only bake under ur eyes and beside your nose, not your cheeks!
Make sure your eyebrow pencil/brush is SHARP.
Use setting spray throughout your make up routine.
Where do you get ur wigs and who did your install it look so natural xx
I usually get my wigs from aliexpress, I would put the link down but can’t seem to find it. It’s probably under a different company name now (I got my wigs YEARS AGO). The first time I got it installed was by @larochellecreations on instagram. But once she customised the wig (sorted out the hairline, babyhairs, bleaching etc) – I pretty much learned how to do it on youtube and did it myself.
I’m more inclined to think I can always install my wigs now, I just need someone to customise it for me first. But for big big holidays I’ll get it professionally installed.
So me and my man want to get married soon but it’s so hard because we barely earn enough. He earns maybe 1.8 after tax monthly which is nothing (not a grad job) so he’s saying that he wants to wait for something better which could take idk how long which is true… In regards to moving and looking for apartments and rent et how did you go about it? Bc I’m finding it hard to find something decently priced and affordable esp on lets say a 2k a month salary in ldn that’s 1.6 rent and nothing left over basically. So which websites or did you go actively look in areas and stuff. This is honestly hurting my head. I feel when we both have stable enough jobs w stable salaries then we can which can be 5 months or 2 years who knows but I don’t think without being financially set we can get married it doesn’t make sense ?
That’s the reality unfortunately. It’s so much harder to get married because of this. And this whole 50/50 living is going to be the experience for a lot of young couples who are on lower salaries. It’s unrealistic to expect a young man earning 1800 a month to pay all the rent. And that doesn’t even include council tax or other bills. It’s literally the base.
Most good flats to rent start from 1500 no matter what location and Its fucked up. And some of them are not even in good conditions, the ones that are start from 1800. Wallahi its shocking, the amount of audacity on Zoopla right now? Crazy
You guys best bet is to look at places in zone 5 & 6. It’s going to be further but those places are usually the cheapest. I went on Zoopla and rightmove to get a picture of where I wanted to live, and then I just went for particular agencies that had the places I wanted and built a relationship with them. Like it got to the point where they’d let me know what’s available in the future months before they advertise it. You literally have to chase them up all the time. But you can definitely find somewhere thats a good decent price. My friend randomly found a two bedroom flat new build that was 1200 a month and she got it so quickly because the landlord wanted to rent it out ASAP. Sometimes you get lucky like that.
In my experience, I knew I wanted to move out before I got married, I was living with my aunt during lockdown (my mum doesn’t live here and I needed somewhere that felt like home). I ended up staying there until I got engaged but I was desperate for my own space. I spent months looking and wallahi it takes time! The process is truly demoralising, because sometimes you will call an agency up and the advertised flat has already been taken. But you just have to keep looking, wallahi you will find something I PROMISE. And it will come when you least expect it. My husband knew what place I wanted, and just before my birthday the agency randomly called him and said the flat I wanted was available in 2 weeks and they didn’t advertise It yet. And within a few days, they contract was signed and he gave me the keys on my birthday. So sometimes something that takes 8 months to look for, can be done and completed within a matter of days. It’s really just about luck and finances obviously. I’m only saying this because I’m under the assumption people save up for rent before looking for a place, so when something does come up, they can literally put a down payment rather than just waiting for that months paycheck.
I would honestly wait until you guys save up at least 6 months rent in advance. It gives you enough room to save between then and look for other options. There are other ways of finding places though (especially in the Somali community), living in someone else’s council property even though they are not meant to. But it still happens (and its smart imo). Ask around your family, and see if they can help. Not many people are lucky enough to have this option, so if you do, don’t be afraid to ask for some help. You might not end up with the place you wanted but at least it’s a roof over your head.
salam love, really enjoying your platform & may Allah reward you for helping so many women!
my question is, when talking to a guy, what qualities should you look for/are most important for a relationship to work out long term? how do you know if you’re really compatible in the long run- beyond a spark/good convo? marriage is a massive decision & i want to make sure i’m being smart in evaluating this.
Kindness. The older I get the more important this is to me. You can be as smart, funny, educated, sporty, and whatnot as you want, if you’re not kind, you’re not someone I would ever want to be with. If you’re not kind to everyone and just me, how long will it take for you to give me the same treatment too??
The understanding of and capacity for emotional labour. There’s going to be several times in a woman’s life where she is going to need emotional support, especially during pregnancy and post partum. You need someone who will have sabr for you, and can be your support when you are down.
Like others have said, emotional intelligence is another big deal. It’s important to me in a relationship that a man knows how to recognize his feelings, think about his feelings, process his feelings, and then finally, communicate them to me effectively. A lack of these skills in the men I’ve dated before is the reason I never was serious with them. If my life is already turbulent enough, I didn’t want to add onto that. I wanted peace.
Also, I think one’s ability to express empathy is a pretty good one. I’m not saying test someone, but for example, if early into things, you have a bad day and mention it, how a person responds to that information can tell you a lot. Someone who brushes it off to talk about themselves, or doesn’t understand why something upset you, or doesn’t even ask if you want to talk about it… all can be signs of lack of emotional intelligence.
Listening. I mean really listening, not just hearing the issue and then spending the rest of the time I’m talking to formulate the plan of action you think I should take. If I want to take some action a couple of things will happen; I’ll ask you for advice or I’ll tell you what I had planned and what you thought of it. For someone like me, who has had to take control of everything because I don’t trust people to do the things in my best interest, I can’t tell you how fucking happy I am to have someone who takes control before I even think of doing it. Before I even lift up my finger its “Babe I’ll get that sorted” – If I’m beefing with family, he will take control and give me a solution. If I’m sick, he will book my appointment for me. And even when I complain about shit that has no substance, he will listen! To have your undivided attention throughout my bitchfest and not have you trying to fix it without my request for advice is huge and most of the men I talked to before just wasn’t interested in hearing me. The only thing that was of interest to them was when I was being good vibes. Venting is healthy and necessary, and if you interrupt it you stand a chance of catching redirected beef.
Humility. I know I will get along with someone at least a little if they are skilled at something (s) and don’t let it go to their head. Understanding no matter how advanced you are, there is always more to learn is very appealing and indicates maturity. My husband is one of the most humble people I know, wallahi he’s an actual genius and is so great at everything and he is done so well for himself, but neither of those things he actually gives a shit about. In fact, he often reminds me and himself about the times when he had nothing. Or the first time he even learned how to read. When his family fled here, he literally had to pick up pennies on the floor for pocket money. And I think this is why he is so generous and responsible with money, because he literally remembers when he had nothing. Having a job, making money is just a means to an end for him, not the end all be all. To this day he doesn’t splurge on himself, he doesn’t like designer, and the only time he really truly spent on himself is when he bought his car and flat. All those other years he didn’t buy nothing. He was either saving or helping out family. And that’s another thing. He is always willing to give away before he gives to himself (sometimes to his own detriment). It’s why I love him so much. The sense of doing something, without the expectation of anything being returned. If you post your “benevolence” on social media, or brag, its not benevolence. He has an incredibly big heart and compassion is the closest love/feeling I will get that’s not my parents. Because he always extends this to me.
Another thing to look for, is his relationships with his younger sibling. Is he truly a good brother? Does he set a good example, does he protect them? I feel like this relationship gives you a picture of what they’ll be like as a Father.
Being able to make you laugh is another huge deal. Are you funny, light-hearted? Can you make my life feel like I’m having the best time ever when I’m with you? Chemistry too, because you want to have that feeling where you both only have eyes for each other. Both attracted to each other. Outside of you two, no one else exists. And it has to be a mutual feeling too.
Religious compatibility too. I couldn’t live with someone who thinks I’m at best delusional about the most important thing in my life. Without faith, your lives will have no barakah in it. Everyone’s imaan is bound to fluctuate at some point in your life. But to have someone that will encourage you, instead of distancing you away from the deen is really important.
But yeah thats all (loool I know its alot). But I do think by going off of those standards or requirements you like, inshallah you distinguish what makes a man an honourable man that will look after you. I got to see those qualities very early on in my relationship (before I intended it be a fling) and thats how it grew from there.
My husband and I are having problems which could end in divorce. I am pregnant and even though I know it’s bad and a sin I’m thinking about getting an abortion. I don’t want to be that girl who moves back into her parents house single and with a child. I’m still young and I could bounce back after a divorce. I just don’t want to be left with a child. What do you think?
I don’t encourage abortion, but I can understand wholeheartedly why you’d consider that. However islamically, it’s not permissible. And that’s what I have to go off of. I know its a shit situation right now, and you might end up getting divorced, or you might not. Only God knows,
Wallahi my best advice right now is to pray, make dua and start saving. Save as much as you can. And let your parents know how you’re feeling, so they are prepared to take you in if necessary.