I just binged every one of your posts! Love it btw <3 anyways I like this guy we’ve been talking for 6 months now and I don’t date neither does he. I would like to get to know him for marriage and made that known but he says his situation isn’t ideal right now (we’re in our 20s) but I’m afraid that if I keep talking to him feelings will get deeper and I’ll find it harder to move on. Should I wait it out because I really think he’s the one or should I cut him out completely?
Men know what they want the second they start talking to you. He said the situation isn’t ideal right now? What he really means is, he doesn’t want THIS right now.
You are looking for marriage, and he is simply not on it. You have set a standard for yourself, so stick to it. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. And it looks like he doesn’t want to drink. You are absolutely right about being afraid of catching more feelings, because this WILL happen. The longer you speak to him, the more invested you’ll be.
You’re young, you’re in your 20s. Leave this man alone. He is not the one sis, far from it. The one is someone who has chosen you, just as much as you have chosen them.
Anon
3 years ago
Me and this guy were talking for marriage purposes and he met my family and my dad met his dad. He had a lot of characteristics that I wanted in a guy but something always didn’t feel right. But as we spoke for longer I think I started to like. Anyways after a little while we had a conversation on the phone about expectations in marriage etc and after a few days he said he didn’t want to continue. This was all in April 2020. I still thought about him afterwards and I do still think about him occasionally. Recently I found out he got married and that made me upset as I’m still unmarried and I still think about him sometimes.
I’m still looking and talking to other people now and I still compare the guys I speak to to him and it’s really frustrating as I obviously know it won’t happen. I’m feeling hopeless in finding someone that I like. What’s your advice to stop comparing people I talk to to him
You were just at the finish line, and it didn’t work out. I get it. It feels as if you’ve lost a part of yourself. It’s overwhelming and soul crushing. You do your best to move on with your life. I think both in an effort to mend your broken heart and out of pure respect to him, his wife, and their new life, you need to move on and heal from this situation.
He let you know he didn’t want this to continue, and honestly there’s not much more he could have done. He could have married you, divorced you and then got married to someone else. But he didn’t. Unfortunately, he just wasn’t written for you, and Allah swt is truly the best of all planners. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise.
They say time heals all wounds. But it doesn’t heal grief and regret. I understand. You only learn to live with it. You do your best to move on – but it’s always there, taking up space in your heart and your mind. But you have to understand that you were never meant to be together in this lifetime. Open yourself up to new people, the last thing you should do is forbid yourself to move on, when he is happily married- not thinking about you.
Sometimes that is just how the cookie crumbles and it is fucking shit. But never stop yourself from finding happiness. Pick yourself up and move on.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sister, I have a problem i Have a bad past and Islam wasn’t part of my life, I was very depressed and looked for comfort in this dunya, however now alhamdulillah I found my way back to Allah & changed for the better but marriage has been on my mind as everyone keeps pressuring me and I have met someone but he’s a virgin & I am not he said we all have a past but after that conversation he hasn’t showed any signs or red flags and does check up on me everyday however don’t know how he feels about it deep down him being a virgin and knowing I’m not, I do regret telling him it it’s weird he asked quite earlier on too but each to their own I guess.
He is lucky you have even told him, because as Muslims, we are told that our sins are between you and ALlah swt. Not other people. Therefore he cannot punish or ridicule you. In fact, he should see it as you only told him because you trusted him. And if he truly loves you, he will accept that you made a mistake and move on from it. It was one mistake and you repented, he shouldn’t be concerned with that no longer because Allah may have truly forgiven you.
He should cherish you, love you for who you are now and not who you was before. If he truly wants to protect you as his future wife, he will define you only for your good deeds now and not not by the sins you have committed before.
He hasn’t shown any red flags or signs that he is bothered by it, so don’t stress too much. Remember it is the Shaydaan who is making you feel anxious and that something can’t be as good as you think it is. Don’t worry sis.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis,
I’ve been married for a 2 years now
and I’ve been feeling depressed in my marriage because firstly
He is not providing for me at all, we don’t even live together he lives with his parents and I live with my own parents.
him and his family agreed before our nikkah that they’d find us a home and have my dream wedding 4 months after our nikkah, now it’s been 2 years and I feel like my life has been on pause. Every time I mention it to my husband “why we haven’t moved out yet and not arranged the wedding” he makes false promises and keeps delaying it, sometimes he avoids to conversation.
on our nikkah the event was held in my parents house (which was very small only 6 people attended due to the covid pandemic), I don’t know if I’m over reacting but I haven’t received no gifts from my husband and his family on our nikkah.
In my culture the groom and the family must gift the bride (gold, clothes, money….) I feel like I’m lowering my standers and I also haven’t received a ring yet.
He is very financially stable,
works a good job alhamduillah so I’m very confused what his intentions are I did tell him I want a divorce but he says he doesn’t want one and keeps making false promises.
Please help me out on this one 😭
There’s so many things wrong with this. So many flags from the very beginning. I want to start off saying, all your concerns are justified. He has not been fulfilling any one of his duties to, and you have been patient for far too long. These people are making your life into an absolute joke.
Do you know how disrespectful it is to come empty handed for the bride? Not only did you allow this family, out of the kindness of your own heart, wait and save for your dream wedding, they didn’t even bring you any gifts? No gold, not even a single diraac? This is beyond embarrassing. This is disgraceful. I don’t know how you even got married. But I can only assume it was because of your commitment to marry this man. I am not blaming you, but you definitely dropped the ball on this one. I am not even fussed about the ring, but the lack of gifts is what is shocking me. When you get married, the best part is how many gifts are brought to your door. I literally have two storage rooms filled with gifts from my nikkah. How have they not come with a single one?
The living separately part might genuinely have to be the case for some couples. But it should not be for 2 bloody years. What role is this man fulfilling? Because it definitely is not the role of a husband. Part of me doesn’t even want to ask, but is this man enjoying other parts of a marriage? Because in that case, this is just a halalified boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. This is not a marriage.
He is lying to you, giving you false promises, and on top of that, he is not even financially struggling? As in this man actually has money?? My girl, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? He is literally stealing your years, your heart, from right under you. This man does not respect you and neither does his family.
I genuinely don’t understand why you would want to still be with him? I understand
all potential partners are flawed, but we as women need to define what we truly require from a relationship and be willing to walk away if a person is unable to provide it or if they continually cross a boundary that we have set. That willingness to walk away is the part that so many people, especially women, really struggle with. Some of you guys approach relationships from a place of insecurity, assume each person you meet is your last chance at love, and settle for something that doesn’t meet your needs. No! That is not fair and is no way to spend the best part of your youth. There are way better men than him that could at the very least, put a roof over your head, and bring gifts to you at your nikkah. This man is a joke. I usually only advise divorce in extreme cases, but this is wild. His family took advantage of Covid restrictions and gave you a backstreet sham.
PS. I came back to say, if you were to get divorced. Nothing would change. You are already living at your house. So if that’s what’s scaring you (divorce), don’t be. Some people actually have to move and start their life from scratch again. This man though, has made it easy for you to walk away. All you have to do is walk from one room of your parents house, into the other.
End it sis. Don’t waste any more of your life on this. Find something worth being apart of, and Inshallah Allah will bless you with the best man to ever walk on this earth. And you will get the wedding, the gifts, the ring, anything your heart desires!! Ameen ameen!!
Wow sis, this is a mad position to be in. Firstly, this doesn’t sound like a marriage. How have you guys been married for two whole years and still don’t live together? That’s not a normal situation to be in.
Where are your family in all of this? Surely your parents shouldn’t have allowed this man to marry you without providing a home for you to live in once you’re married. I might be a little traditional here but I know that usually when a guy asks for a girls hand in marriage, the parents ensure that he has somewhere for her to live once they are married. Your father, brother or any male figure in your house hold should have put pressure on this man to have these things ready within the time that you were having your Nikkah done.
At this point there’s no need to sit around and wait for him any longer. You need to take action. Put your foot down and ask for a divorce. There’s more to the story that your husband isn’t providing. How can you be financially able and not want to provide a home for you to live in?
I really hope you’re not being intimate with him. Like how can you be intimate in your parents home? That’s just not right hun. He sounds like a man who’s getting what he wants sexually and isn’t really after anything more. All he is doing is taking from you. He’s not the man for you sis I’m sorry to say.
And if you truly still love this man and want a future with him, then I’d think long and hard about the situation that you’re in right now. Call a meeting with both families and discuss the issue. Give him an ultimatum! Tell him either get a house together within the next month or give me my divorce. Know your self worth sis, this man is stringing you along for as long as possible and you’re allowing him.
Anon
3 years ago
My dilemma is that I am almost 30 and never been on a date, never really interact with guys beyond work/school etc. This personally doesn’t bother me much as I have enjoyed my years with close friends and family and it allowed me to build on my independence, whereby I have been able to travels loads and have a good career Alhamduillah. I have had guys approach me over the years and friends tell me that so and so are interested in me, but tbh I’m not interested in those guys. My worry is that I enjoy my space a bit too much and those around me are also single too; majority of loved one around me (older & younger friends/ fam etc) are also single (some divorced) so it’s makes this even easier to carry on this lifestyle. If society didn’t look down on a older single women, I could keep going till 40 lol. My issue is that because I haven’t had much experience dealing with guys I’m worried the first guy I pick won’t match me (with the kinda lifestyle i built, but also self development I have worked on) and I’ll be heavily disappointed. Im finding I’m having to make a big compromise with the guys I have crushes on as I have chosen them later in life e.g good job/ deen level not so great. Will I have to risk it just so I marry ? I dunno….?
I’m genuinely not even sure if you want a relationship or marriage, because you definitely don’t sound like it (but you sound cool too so don’t worry).
But wow, never ever been on a date? Honestly I don’t think I’ve heard that before. Your life must be really fulfilling for you to not feel the need to rush into dating Allahumabarik. So let’s get into it: you’re worried your not going to find someone that matches to you? Well how are you going to know unless you try? Like you’ve said, you have never been on a date before, so you wouldn’t know what guy presents himself to you. Maybe you’ll find the man of your dreams. I will say though, there’s no actual point of going on dates if your heart is not truly in it. Not only are you wasting your time, but you’re gonna be wasting other people’s time too. You need to genuinely want it.
Also you need to start looking at other factors too like your biological clock, maybe your opinions on marriage will change then. I only say this because you genuinely sound like you don’t want to settle down until your 40.
But yeah, I would just start going on dates. And when you do, do not tell them that you haven’t gone on a date. Because that will start raising questions. And don’t go on about how independent you are, honestly men don’t care about that. Have your charm face on and go for it.
Anon
3 years ago
I’m in my late 20s. There’s a lot of pressure from society because I’m old now etc. But I’m so worried that I will be forced to settle for any guy and compromise everything. When I want the most amazing man out there.
Start using online dating apps and get yourself out there. There will be a lot on there who just want to date for the sake of dating, but that might benefit you too. You might be a little rusty. You need to get yourself back into the game. Back out there. Don’t worry about not finding someone. Someone will come. Just have fun being single and dating whoever, whenever you bloody want.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi! honestly the advice you’re giving is amazing and i can’t help but ask a question too now lol. It doesn’t seem like a big one but it’s bugging me. Me and this guy have been dating, he puts so much effort into making me happy and constantly reassures me. He buys me gifts and gives me love letters, all that romantic stuff. He keeps on bringing up marriage aswell. However, he follows a lot of girls on social media and constantly likes their pictures, and these pictures are very revealing. These girls aren’t even following him back. Come on! I don’t know if this is a sign that he’s not taking me seriously or if i’m overthinking it all, it’s actually a big ick. He’s also 24 and i’m 19 should i be worried about this age gap
He’s young, he will get over the novelty of women on instagram with age. But at 19, why do you even care what he does? You are 19, this shouldn’t even be anything serious for you. I don’t want to be the one to tell you this, but if he is doing this whilst in a relationship, he is not taking this seriously. On top of that, he is dating a teenager. I appreciate he does all these nice things for you, but look at the facts. Why is he even dating a teenager?
The age gap would have been fine, if you hadn’t been 19.
You’re young, go find guys your own age and wait until you’re a bit more older to start dating older man. I only say this because you gotta be very sure of yourself when you start dipping into that pond.
Anon
3 years ago
I used to talk to this guy for a 1 year and half it got serious he confessed his love to me and I backed off because I wasn’t feeling it. He had a lot of red flags I mean a lot. I ignored him from then. 3 months later I heard that someone came to propose to my cousin she is in her 20s. I felt like something in my gut screamed lol. When me and him used to talk he mentioned he knew my cousin and he worked with her but he said like she was a beg and he never felt like anything towards her. She used to pressure to go on lunch with him. I didn’t like the way he spoke about her. He’s the same tribe as me. The rumours were the guy who proposed to her worked with her was the same tribe as her etc. I try to like figure it out if it was him and he soft blocked me from his socials. But I messaged him to call me because I wanted to find out if it was true. He ignored me. I felt like physically sick. There was no way of me finding out if it was him without directly asking someone. Now 2 months before the wedding as in there was a date set for the wedding etc. My cousin messages me and tells me she’s getting married. She said I’m getting married and you know the guy. I played dumb Ofcourse said who she said the name. She said he said that you guys used to talk a long time ago lol when it was literally 5 months ago. Anyways I said Yehh I know it was and she said don’t tell anyone keep it yourself you guys dated. I can’t believe the guy lied to her like that. When he is her whole HUSBAND to be!!! She had her wedding and they’re married. I’m actually mad mad He was talking to me and my cousin at the same time and basically dragged her when he spoke about her. I don’t think I can handle seeing him for the rest of my life knowing this. I’m going to seem him at my parents house. Weddings funerals Eid and in my area. I feel so angry I want to punch the guy and expose him but at the same time don’t want to hurt my cousin now they are married. But I can’t be fake and just don’t want to speak to him but eventually I will have to say Salam and see him at every family function. Just don’t know how to act I hate being fake. I wear my emotions on my sleeve.
First and foremost, your cousin is an absolute weirdo. I find it very mad that she is married to someone who used to date her cousin for a year a half. The fact she is even asking you to keep it a secret shows how desperate she was to find a man. And it didn’t matter to her that she had to snake her cousin to get him. Desperation is a word I wouldn’t even use for someone like that. Hunger is what I would use. That girl is hungry. That is horrible man, I am really sorry for you girl. I can’t even imagine how frustrating that would be. Wow, to deal with exes in general is so annoying and now your cousin has forced him into your family?! You have to see this nigga everywhere??
I would honestly start distancing yourself from your cousin, she is the problem. Avoid being in the same room as her. You never know what she could say about you. Girl’s like that who wait for opportunities to steal people’s exes are known for changing the narrative. One day she might even say “He left her for me, he never wanted her. He wanted me this whole time.” Girl bye.
I am honestly trying to wrap my mind around how out of all people she could have married, she decided to marry her own cousin’s ex? What a bizarre young lady. I really hope that marriage was worth it.
For you, I will say be the bigger person. Disassociate yourself from him, they are both embarrassing and trust me, you don’t’ want people to know about this. Because they will make it seem that you’re the one that lost out. When really, it’s just two losers just so happened to end up with each other and you are gonna go onto bigger and better things. Let those little dusties go off into the sunset. She is an absolute disgrace.
Anon
3 years ago
I’m getting to know a guy in America – do you have any advice for getting to know someone long distance?
Save some money for that visa is all the advice I have to give.
If you go to America on holiday though, and he so happens to be there, and you have a young holiday fling? Why not. But if I’m being real, there is really not benefit in being in a long distance relationship. Unless you want a pen pal, and a cheeky phone-call in the evening. I really wouldn’t commit to it. Its boring, and you could be having real fun with real people in the same city as you.
Anon
3 years ago
Hiiiyya sis!! hope youre all good.
So im 24 and as i get older i have been having problems with my mother. We dont exactly have a relationship and im the eldest daughter. I feel like she seems to be controlling to the point where i lie about when im going out, even if im seeing my cousins shopping or friends. Shed always say things like why you going when these people dont even want you and things that would make me upset. Majority of the time when im going out id lie and say im going work, when really and truly im going to just hang with friends. My curfew is 10pm. when i come home the first she does is ask billions of questions where i went and why i went. Shed usually cuss me out and criticise me. Somethings can said can br very hurtful and she finds it normal to say. Sometimes i just think does she hate me? if im not home always calling me to get home and i shouldnt be out, feels like she just wants me to be home and sit there like a living room decor. – knows how to trigger me when arguing so when she says something that upsets me/ or makes me cry shell say why u uspet now and when i say how i feel i app shouldnt feel that way. I can never be right with like everthing she says and do shed say she can say whatever to me cz shes my mother. – i practice how to ask permission and which lie ill be using for the day. funny thing is mom dont believe me or trust me but i keep making my lies be believable i dont stop. i know it’s wrong and bad but idk whatelse to do . if i be be honest she will be on my case even more.
– i was never a bad kid growing up even till now. i do whatever my parents ask me for . so i dont understand why i have to pretend about myself or what im doing to my mom. i even realised that shes calm with my siblings and not how she is with me . so i usually avoid her. She accuses me of many things even at point said she dont believe i was staying at my cousins house and how i may be sleeping with a man. I just think ive had enough i have made plans to move to a diff country and she knows this too. Its more of moving abroad to work but at the same time it will br good for me cz i will have my space from my mom. i dont think she likes i have friends cz she say things like why do u have friends. theres so much more! idk whatelse to do at this point. What do i do?
You have to fight for your rights. As someone who has experienced family overstepping boundaries, wallahi I had to fight for every bit of it. Parent’s will take the piss out of the good child because they know you don’t want to upset them. But will overlook all the other kids who run riot.
You just have to keep pushing and pushing. Get a job that has late shifts, that will get your parents used to the idea of you coming home late. Work as much as you can, and spend as little time at home as possible. Because when you’re at home, it leaves room ask too many questions.
Trust me, they are going to give you grief. You are just going to have to firm it, and the one day, they’ll stop caring. I feel like every one of my friends has gone through this, and now none of their parents both them. You just gotta push the boundaries.
I just binged every one of your posts! Love it btw <3 anyways I like this guy we’ve been talking for 6 months now and I don’t date neither does he. I would like to get to know him for marriage and made that known but he says his situation isn’t ideal right now (we’re in our 20s) but I’m afraid that if I keep talking to him feelings will get deeper and I’ll find it harder to move on. Should I wait it out because I really think he’s the one or should I cut him out completely?
Men know what they want the second they start talking to you. He said the situation isn’t ideal right now? What he really means is, he doesn’t want THIS right now.
You are looking for marriage, and he is simply not on it. You have set a standard for yourself, so stick to it. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. And it looks like he doesn’t want to drink. You are absolutely right about being afraid of catching more feelings, because this WILL happen. The longer you speak to him, the more invested you’ll be.
You’re young, you’re in your 20s. Leave this man alone. He is not the one sis, far from it. The one is someone who has chosen you, just as much as you have chosen them.
Me and this guy were talking for marriage purposes and he met my family and my dad met his dad. He had a lot of characteristics that I wanted in a guy but something always didn’t feel right. But as we spoke for longer I think I started to like. Anyways after a little while we had a conversation on the phone about expectations in marriage etc and after a few days he said he didn’t want to continue. This was all in April 2020. I still thought about him afterwards and I do still think about him occasionally. Recently I found out he got married and that made me upset as I’m still unmarried and I still think about him sometimes.
I’m still looking and talking to other people now and I still compare the guys I speak to to him and it’s really frustrating as I obviously know it won’t happen. I’m feeling hopeless in finding someone that I like. What’s your advice to stop comparing people I talk to to him
You were just at the finish line, and it didn’t work out. I get it. It feels as if you’ve lost a part of yourself. It’s overwhelming and soul crushing. You do your best to move on with your life. I think both in an effort to mend your broken heart and out of pure respect to him, his wife, and their new life, you need to move on and heal from this situation.
He let you know he didn’t want this to continue, and honestly there’s not much more he could have done. He could have married you, divorced you and then got married to someone else. But he didn’t. Unfortunately, he just wasn’t written for you, and Allah swt is truly the best of all planners. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise.
They say time heals all wounds. But it doesn’t heal grief and regret. I understand. You only learn to live with it. You do your best to move on – but it’s always there, taking up space in your heart and your mind. But you have to understand that you were never meant to be together in this lifetime. Open yourself up to new people, the last thing you should do is forbid yourself to move on, when he is happily married- not thinking about you.
Sometimes that is just how the cookie crumbles and it is fucking shit. But never stop yourself from finding happiness. Pick yourself up and move on.
Hey sister, I have a problem i Have a bad past and Islam wasn’t part of my life, I was very depressed and looked for comfort in this dunya, however now alhamdulillah I found my way back to Allah & changed for the better but marriage has been on my mind as everyone keeps pressuring me and I have met someone but he’s a virgin & I am not he said we all have a past but after that conversation he hasn’t showed any signs or red flags and does check up on me everyday however don’t know how he feels about it deep down him being a virgin and knowing I’m not, I do regret telling him it it’s weird he asked quite earlier on too but each to their own I guess.
He is lucky you have even told him, because as Muslims, we are told that our sins are between you and ALlah swt. Not other people. Therefore he cannot punish or ridicule you. In fact, he should see it as you only told him because you trusted him. And if he truly loves you, he will accept that you made a mistake and move on from it. It was one mistake and you repented, he shouldn’t be concerned with that no longer because Allah may have truly forgiven you.
He should cherish you, love you for who you are now and not who you was before. If he truly wants to protect you as his future wife, he will define you only for your good deeds now and not not by the sins you have committed before.
He hasn’t shown any red flags or signs that he is bothered by it, so don’t stress too much. Remember it is the Shaydaan who is making you feel anxious and that something can’t be as good as you think it is. Don’t worry sis.
Hey sis,
I’ve been married for a 2 years now
and I’ve been feeling depressed in my marriage because firstly
He is not providing for me at all, we don’t even live together he lives with his parents and I live with my own parents.
him and his family agreed before our nikkah that they’d find us a home and have my dream wedding 4 months after our nikkah, now it’s been 2 years and I feel like my life has been on pause. Every time I mention it to my husband “why we haven’t moved out yet and not arranged the wedding” he makes false promises and keeps delaying it, sometimes he avoids to conversation.
on our nikkah the event was held in my parents house (which was very small only 6 people attended due to the covid pandemic), I don’t know if I’m over reacting but I haven’t received no gifts from my husband and his family on our nikkah.
In my culture the groom and the family must gift the bride (gold, clothes, money….) I feel like I’m lowering my standers and I also haven’t received a ring yet.
He is very financially stable,
works a good job alhamduillah so I’m very confused what his intentions are I did tell him I want a divorce but he says he doesn’t want one and keeps making false promises.
Please help me out on this one 😭
There’s so many things wrong with this. So many flags from the very beginning. I want to start off saying, all your concerns are justified. He has not been fulfilling any one of his duties to, and you have been patient for far too long. These people are making your life into an absolute joke.
Do you know how disrespectful it is to come empty handed for the bride? Not only did you allow this family, out of the kindness of your own heart, wait and save for your dream wedding, they didn’t even bring you any gifts? No gold, not even a single diraac? This is beyond embarrassing. This is disgraceful. I don’t know how you even got married. But I can only assume it was because of your commitment to marry this man. I am not blaming you, but you definitely dropped the ball on this one. I am not even fussed about the ring, but the lack of gifts is what is shocking me. When you get married, the best part is how many gifts are brought to your door. I literally have two storage rooms filled with gifts from my nikkah. How have they not come with a single one?
The living separately part might genuinely have to be the case for some couples. But it should not be for 2 bloody years. What role is this man fulfilling? Because it definitely is not the role of a husband. Part of me doesn’t even want to ask, but is this man enjoying other parts of a marriage? Because in that case, this is just a halalified boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. This is not a marriage.
He is lying to you, giving you false promises, and on top of that, he is not even financially struggling? As in this man actually has money?? My girl, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? He is literally stealing your years, your heart, from right under you. This man does not respect you and neither does his family.
I genuinely don’t understand why you would want to still be with him? I understand
all potential partners are flawed, but we as women need to define what we truly require from a relationship and be willing to walk away if a person is unable to provide it or if they continually cross a boundary that we have set. That willingness to walk away is the part that so many people, especially women, really struggle with. Some of you guys approach relationships from a place of insecurity, assume each person you meet is your last chance at love, and settle for something that doesn’t meet your needs. No! That is not fair and is no way to spend the best part of your youth. There are way better men than him that could at the very least, put a roof over your head, and bring gifts to you at your nikkah. This man is a joke. I usually only advise divorce in extreme cases, but this is wild. His family took advantage of Covid restrictions and gave you a backstreet sham.
PS. I came back to say, if you were to get divorced. Nothing would change. You are already living at your house. So if that’s what’s scaring you (divorce), don’t be. Some people actually have to move and start their life from scratch again. This man though, has made it easy for you to walk away. All you have to do is walk from one room of your parents house, into the other.
End it sis. Don’t waste any more of your life on this. Find something worth being apart of, and Inshallah Allah will bless you with the best man to ever walk on this earth. And you will get the wedding, the gifts, the ring, anything your heart desires!! Ameen ameen!!
Wow sis, this is a mad position to be in. Firstly, this doesn’t sound like a marriage. How have you guys been married for two whole years and still don’t live together? That’s not a normal situation to be in.
Where are your family in all of this? Surely your parents shouldn’t have allowed this man to marry you without providing a home for you to live in once you’re married. I might be a little traditional here but I know that usually when a guy asks for a girls hand in marriage, the parents ensure that he has somewhere for her to live once they are married. Your father, brother or any male figure in your house hold should have put pressure on this man to have these things ready within the time that you were having your Nikkah done.
At this point there’s no need to sit around and wait for him any longer. You need to take action. Put your foot down and ask for a divorce. There’s more to the story that your husband isn’t providing. How can you be financially able and not want to provide a home for you to live in?
I really hope you’re not being intimate with him. Like how can you be intimate in your parents home? That’s just not right hun. He sounds like a man who’s getting what he wants sexually and isn’t really after anything more. All he is doing is taking from you. He’s not the man for you sis I’m sorry to say.
And if you truly still love this man and want a future with him, then I’d think long and hard about the situation that you’re in right now. Call a meeting with both families and discuss the issue. Give him an ultimatum! Tell him either get a house together within the next month or give me my divorce. Know your self worth sis, this man is stringing you along for as long as possible and you’re allowing him.
My dilemma is that I am almost 30 and never been on a date, never really interact with guys beyond work/school etc. This personally doesn’t bother me much as I have enjoyed my years with close friends and family and it allowed me to build on my independence, whereby I have been able to travels loads and have a good career Alhamduillah. I have had guys approach me over the years and friends tell me that so and so are interested in me, but tbh I’m not interested in those guys. My worry is that I enjoy my space a bit too much and those around me are also single too; majority of loved one around me (older & younger friends/ fam etc) are also single (some divorced) so it’s makes this even easier to carry on this lifestyle. If society didn’t look down on a older single women, I could keep going till 40 lol. My issue is that because I haven’t had much experience dealing with guys I’m worried the first guy I pick won’t match me (with the kinda lifestyle i built, but also self development I have worked on) and I’ll be heavily disappointed. Im finding I’m having to make a big compromise with the guys I have crushes on as I have chosen them later in life e.g good job/ deen level not so great. Will I have to risk it just so I marry ? I dunno….?
I’m genuinely not even sure if you want a relationship or marriage, because you definitely don’t sound like it (but you sound cool too so don’t worry).
But wow, never ever been on a date? Honestly I don’t think I’ve heard that before. Your life must be really fulfilling for you to not feel the need to rush into dating Allahumabarik. So let’s get into it: you’re worried your not going to find someone that matches to you? Well how are you going to know unless you try? Like you’ve said, you have never been on a date before, so you wouldn’t know what guy presents himself to you. Maybe you’ll find the man of your dreams. I will say though, there’s no actual point of going on dates if your heart is not truly in it. Not only are you wasting your time, but you’re gonna be wasting other people’s time too. You need to genuinely want it.
Also you need to start looking at other factors too like your biological clock, maybe your opinions on marriage will change then. I only say this because you genuinely sound like you don’t want to settle down until your 40.
But yeah, I would just start going on dates. And when you do, do not tell them that you haven’t gone on a date. Because that will start raising questions. And don’t go on about how independent you are, honestly men don’t care about that. Have your charm face on and go for it.
I’m in my late 20s. There’s a lot of pressure from society because I’m old now etc. But I’m so worried that I will be forced to settle for any guy and compromise everything. When I want the most amazing man out there.
Start using online dating apps and get yourself out there. There will be a lot on there who just want to date for the sake of dating, but that might benefit you too. You might be a little rusty. You need to get yourself back into the game. Back out there. Don’t worry about not finding someone. Someone will come. Just have fun being single and dating whoever, whenever you bloody want.
Hi! honestly the advice you’re giving is amazing and i can’t help but ask a question too now lol. It doesn’t seem like a big one but it’s bugging me. Me and this guy have been dating, he puts so much effort into making me happy and constantly reassures me. He buys me gifts and gives me love letters, all that romantic stuff. He keeps on bringing up marriage aswell. However, he follows a lot of girls on social media and constantly likes their pictures, and these pictures are very revealing. These girls aren’t even following him back. Come on! I don’t know if this is a sign that he’s not taking me seriously or if i’m overthinking it all, it’s actually a big ick. He’s also 24 and i’m 19 should i be worried about this age gap
He’s young, he will get over the novelty of women on instagram with age. But at 19, why do you even care what he does? You are 19, this shouldn’t even be anything serious for you. I don’t want to be the one to tell you this, but if he is doing this whilst in a relationship, he is not taking this seriously. On top of that, he is dating a teenager. I appreciate he does all these nice things for you, but look at the facts. Why is he even dating a teenager?
The age gap would have been fine, if you hadn’t been 19.
You’re young, go find guys your own age and wait until you’re a bit more older to start dating older man. I only say this because you gotta be very sure of yourself when you start dipping into that pond.
I used to talk to this guy for a 1 year and half it got serious he confessed his love to me and I backed off because I wasn’t feeling it. He had a lot of red flags I mean a lot. I ignored him from then. 3 months later I heard that someone came to propose to my cousin she is in her 20s. I felt like something in my gut screamed lol. When me and him used to talk he mentioned he knew my cousin and he worked with her but he said like she was a beg and he never felt like anything towards her. She used to pressure to go on lunch with him. I didn’t like the way he spoke about her. He’s the same tribe as me. The rumours were the guy who proposed to her worked with her was the same tribe as her etc. I try to like figure it out if it was him and he soft blocked me from his socials. But I messaged him to call me because I wanted to find out if it was true. He ignored me. I felt like physically sick. There was no way of me finding out if it was him without directly asking someone. Now 2 months before the wedding as in there was a date set for the wedding etc. My cousin messages me and tells me she’s getting married. She said I’m getting married and you know the guy. I played dumb Ofcourse said who she said the name. She said he said that you guys used to talk a long time ago lol when it was literally 5 months ago. Anyways I said Yehh I know it was and she said don’t tell anyone keep it yourself you guys dated. I can’t believe the guy lied to her like that. When he is her whole HUSBAND to be!!! She had her wedding and they’re married. I’m actually mad mad He was talking to me and my cousin at the same time and basically dragged her when he spoke about her. I don’t think I can handle seeing him for the rest of my life knowing this. I’m going to seem him at my parents house. Weddings funerals Eid and in my area. I feel so angry I want to punch the guy and expose him but at the same time don’t want to hurt my cousin now they are married. But I can’t be fake and just don’t want to speak to him but eventually I will have to say Salam and see him at every family function. Just don’t know how to act I hate being fake. I wear my emotions on my sleeve.
First and foremost, your cousin is an absolute weirdo. I find it very mad that she is married to someone who used to date her cousin for a year a half. The fact she is even asking you to keep it a secret shows how desperate she was to find a man. And it didn’t matter to her that she had to snake her cousin to get him. Desperation is a word I wouldn’t even use for someone like that. Hunger is what I would use. That girl is hungry. That is horrible man, I am really sorry for you girl. I can’t even imagine how frustrating that would be. Wow, to deal with exes in general is so annoying and now your cousin has forced him into your family?! You have to see this nigga everywhere??
I would honestly start distancing yourself from your cousin, she is the problem. Avoid being in the same room as her. You never know what she could say about you. Girl’s like that who wait for opportunities to steal people’s exes are known for changing the narrative. One day she might even say “He left her for me, he never wanted her. He wanted me this whole time.” Girl bye.
I am honestly trying to wrap my mind around how out of all people she could have married, she decided to marry her own cousin’s ex? What a bizarre young lady. I really hope that marriage was worth it.
For you, I will say be the bigger person. Disassociate yourself from him, they are both embarrassing and trust me, you don’t’ want people to know about this. Because they will make it seem that you’re the one that lost out. When really, it’s just two losers just so happened to end up with each other and you are gonna go onto bigger and better things. Let those little dusties go off into the sunset. She is an absolute disgrace.
I’m getting to know a guy in America – do you have any advice for getting to know someone long distance?
Save some money for that visa is all the advice I have to give.
If you go to America on holiday though, and he so happens to be there, and you have a young holiday fling? Why not. But if I’m being real, there is really not benefit in being in a long distance relationship. Unless you want a pen pal, and a cheeky phone-call in the evening. I really wouldn’t commit to it. Its boring, and you could be having real fun with real people in the same city as you.
Hiiiyya sis!! hope youre all good.
So im 24 and as i get older i have been having problems with my mother. We dont exactly have a relationship and im the eldest daughter. I feel like she seems to be controlling to the point where i lie about when im going out, even if im seeing my cousins shopping or friends. Shed always say things like why you going when these people dont even want you and things that would make me upset. Majority of the time when im going out id lie and say im going work, when really and truly im going to just hang with friends. My curfew is 10pm. when i come home the first she does is ask billions of questions where i went and why i went. Shed usually cuss me out and criticise me. Somethings can said can br very hurtful and she finds it normal to say. Sometimes i just think does she hate me? if im not home always calling me to get home and i shouldnt be out, feels like she just wants me to be home and sit there like a living room decor. – knows how to trigger me when arguing so when she says something that upsets me/ or makes me cry shell say why u uspet now and when i say how i feel i app shouldnt feel that way. I can never be right with like everthing she says and do shed say she can say whatever to me cz shes my mother. – i practice how to ask permission and which lie ill be using for the day. funny thing is mom dont believe me or trust me but i keep making my lies be believable i dont stop. i know it’s wrong and bad but idk whatelse to do . if i be be honest she will be on my case even more.
– i was never a bad kid growing up even till now. i do whatever my parents ask me for . so i dont understand why i have to pretend about myself or what im doing to my mom. i even realised that shes calm with my siblings and not how she is with me . so i usually avoid her. She accuses me of many things even at point said she dont believe i was staying at my cousins house and how i may be sleeping with a man. I just think ive had enough i have made plans to move to a diff country and she knows this too. Its more of moving abroad to work but at the same time it will br good for me cz i will have my space from my mom. i dont think she likes i have friends cz she say things like why do u have friends. theres so much more! idk whatelse to do at this point. What do i do?
You have to fight for your rights. As someone who has experienced family overstepping boundaries, wallahi I had to fight for every bit of it. Parent’s will take the piss out of the good child because they know you don’t want to upset them. But will overlook all the other kids who run riot.
You just have to keep pushing and pushing. Get a job that has late shifts, that will get your parents used to the idea of you coming home late. Work as much as you can, and spend as little time at home as possible. Because when you’re at home, it leaves room ask too many questions.
Trust me, they are going to give you grief. You are just going to have to firm it, and the one day, they’ll stop caring. I feel like every one of my friends has gone through this, and now none of their parents both them. You just gotta push the boundaries.