I’m in my late 20s, during my late teen years and early 20s i was focusing on finding the right partner for myself. All my spare time after school went into shukansi. Grant it, I was never the type to go out with friends that way either. Not ever since I stopped going out. I started focusing on my deen more and more. I got married, traveled with my husband, settled down and now Somewhere along the line I realized that I lack a friend group. I have a a dear friend here and there but they barely know each other. All I see on instagram is how all these girls have formed a group of friends they travel with etc..and I’m envious (may Allah bless their friendship Ameen)
Don’t get me wrong I am blessed to have the husband that I do have, Alhamdulilah may Allah preserve us. But sometimes I wish I formed deeper connection with a friend group during my shukansi era.
It seems like the dream, having enough friends to fill up the booth when you go eat out. The hall when you have a wedding. Everyone all getting a long. Whilst having a large amount of reliable and good friends is a good thing, I really feel like smaller friendships with 1-2 people are better. Those are the real friendships to me. Because you can’t be the real you in a group, and naturally you wouldn’t want to share stuff. Smaller intimate relationships is really where it’s at.
The thing is with big friendship groups is once a few people get into relationships, move countries, get jobs, it’s pretty much over, even if the connections are real. It’s highly dependent on circumstance. And it’s so hard to bring that many people together at once. Like people are not kids anymore, niggas got shit to do. Also, many people are tied to friendships because of how long they’ve known a person but not by a genuine connection.
It’s nice to catch up in a big group here and there, once every few months. Daily is asking for trouble imo. Because just as much as it can be fun, it can be a ticking time bomb too.
I’ve found that it’s better to find people who you really connect with and cherish those one-on-one relationships.
Focus on reconnecting with your friends. Build on those smaller relationships, and then maybe a few years down the line, you would have met more friends to add to those friendships and bonds you’ve created.
Anon
3 years ago
Salam sis, there is a boy I knew since school we use to have classes together and talk most of the time. He is really sweet and caring but my problem is he does not know i like i him and probably does not like me back! He follows bunch of girls on his socials and talks to them. Me as a girl i do not look at men who talk to a lot of girls as I am a girl that never interacted with boys for religious reasons. My mind is so messed when it comes to him because I really like him for his characteristics and the way he treats me ( he is also very good looking) but then i think to myself why would i want to be with someone someone who talks to a lot of girls (even though he hasn’t been in a relationship). your probably thinking why ask you a question to a answer I already know but i don’t know! i have liked him for 3 years now. what shall I do? I don’t want to speak to him incase I’m going to be rejected + religious reasons. if so if you say move on how shall I move on? sorry from my grammar I’m in work on break and I’m rushing because i have 3 minutes left
Honestly when I hear people having crushes over the period of a few years, I’m like just go for it bruv. A crush past 7 months is ridiculous. Either make a move or make him make a move. We can’t keep crushing until kingdom come. Somethings got to happen
If you have a crush on this guy, just go for it with confidence and let him know that you are genuinely interested to know him.
3 years is a long time. Having a crush on someone and not taking action will hurt you emotionally. It wil just frustrate the hell out of you. Besides, you will not have any motivation in any other areas of your life. You will be emotionally and mentally invested in him. And any guy that comes before him, you will ignore anyway.
So, what I suggest is find out the truth. In case it doesn’t turn out the way you wanted it to be, even then you will feel a lot better.
We miss 100% of the shots we don’t take. If he curves you, ah on well. At least you’ll know. Because wondering all the time where you both stand and not finding out the truth will always keep you frustrated.
Also don’t worry about the type of girls he follows. Because that hasn’t stopped you having a crush on him. Address that first and then we can talk about the following
Anon
3 years ago
So do you think me and my man should start saving for rent for a place together now? How much do you think we should start saving if we want to move in together let’s say in the next year and a half ?
If it’s just rent, I’d save up around 4-5k because that gives you a lot of space to navigate other things. That might even be just 3 months rent or 4 depending on what area you’re going to live in. But with that, at least you’re able to just find a place if you know what I mean. Some places don’t need a deposit, some do.
Anon
3 years ago
Is it normal to argue with your husband ? i got married 3 months and we argue sometimes but we are really good most of the time. I just wanna know if it’s normal ? i didn’t date before I got married so my marriage is my worst relationship 😂
Arguments aren’t a bad thing. Not arguing also isn’t a bad thing.
It’s not even about arguing as such, it’s more of how each of you deal with conflicting ideas and feelings.
It doesn’t matter much or how little you argue, but if the conflict is resolved, how you treat each other throughout the conflict and how you treat each other after the conflict.
Everyone argues. Living with your husband is like living with your siblings. The only difference is that you have a romantic and sexual relationship. That’s it. But sometimes you will clash the same like you would a sibling. Sometimes you won’t clash at all. But living with someone, there is going to be small arguments here and there.
Honestly, i believe arguments can be a good thing (sometimes). it helps the other person further understand how someone feels about something, you can get to know your partner better and know what topics to avoid, it’s always an opportunity for you can get better at communicating.
Personally I have some ground rules for arguments in couples that I’ve always thought were great advice. Keep it on topic. Whatever you’re disagreeing on, talk about that and nothing else. If there are other things coming up, either that’s just a distraction and a way to expand the scope of the argument, which is almost never productive, or it’s a relevant issue that deserves its own discussion another time.
‘The goal is a solution, not a victory or: The enemy is the problem, not the partner.’
If you’re fighting, you’ve got to be against something. If you’re trying to beat him/her, someone will win, someone will lose, but there’s no way it ends well for everyone. If the mission is to solve the problem, suddenly you’re both on the same side — you just have different ideas about how to win, together. Now it’s two against one, and when you win, you both win. Remember what’s most important. Maintaining a strong relationship is more important than getting your own way all the time. Ladies!! You hear me?? You don’t always have to win!!😭
You know who can do it his/her own way all the time? Single people. There are compromises to be made in a relationship — get used to it. And when neither way is obviously right or wrong, ask: to whom does this matter more? If it’s a big deal to your partner and your preference is less serious, consider just letting it go to make him/her happy. When your way becomes more important than letting the other person be happy, that’s a red flag. When your goal is to decide, together, how best to solve problems and keep both of you happy, then even when you disagree, things will work out just fine.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi Lula,
Can I ask for advice on how to take care of my hair. I have curly 3b hair and I haven’t cut it since pre lockdown so it’s about waist length right now. I don’t know how to take care of it and carrying all that length is putting a lot of pressure and strain on my head.
I know all the techniques for washing curly hair I.e non sulphate products, drying with a microfiber towel but after my hair dries I have no idea what to do with it. My hair is in a bun under my headscarf for 70% of the day and it gets so tangled. Can you please share your hair routine and also I’ve noticed you straighten your hair, how do you prevent heat damage?
Also another advice (sorry I’ve got no-one else to ask lol) I’ve recently started to get into skincare and I’ve established a good routine for myself but there are still areas of my skin that I want to improve and I think this will have to be something I go to a spa for. Like hyperpigmentation, spider veins, removing hair from face etc. For a newbie to all of this, can you reccomend affordable facials spas/ clinics and also what I should be looking out for and share what your routine is please.
Also I don’t straighten my hair anymore, I pretty much wear wigs unless I’m getting a silk press which would happen once every 6 months or so.
In 2017 I stopped putting heat to my hair, I had always had thin hair but I thought it was because I naturally had thin hair. But it was only me in my family that had hair like this, everyone else in my family had long hair to their elbows and it was THICK. It took me a while to realise it was because of the excessive heat damage. I’ve been straightening my hair since 14/15.
So I completely stopped. I chopped off 1/3 of my hair and left it curly until I found out about wigs.
I usually do a treatment every 3 months and I trim my hair myself (I learnt on YouTube). And for most of the time, my hair is almost always in plaits. And it’s soaked in olive oil. When your hair is dry, it’s more likely for it to break. And that’s why you have to cut off your hair so much. It’s also why your hair at the bottom lacks so much density (thickness), it’s because it’s breaking.
Not sure if you heard this saying but, people used to say trims regularly makes your hair grow longer. That’s not exactly true. Hair grows how it grows. But if you have breakage at the bottom of your hair, you have to cut more off. So if you regularly cut your hair, the bottom hair will be more dense and look more longer (and you won’t have to cut as much off), does that make sense?
If you wear a hijab, stop putting your hair in buns. It will finish your hairline and baby hairs. when I started to part my hair instead of slicking it, I only saw the difference a year and a half later. Especially after I didn’t wear the hijab anymore (I know bad bad bad 😭). But I didn’t realise how much I was stressing out my edges, my headscarf used to be TIGHT.
Also only wash your hair once every 2 weeks. And when you do, but on a hair mask before then. I usually put thick coconut milk and olive oil in my hair for 4 hours before I wash it off, It’s good. But yeah that and not using heat is my best advice.
In terms of skincare, check out Kheils, it’s a bit pricey but Wallahi it’s the best thing ever. And look at the reviews first. I don’t know your skin type so I’m not sure what to suggest
Anon
3 years ago
Salam sis,
I hope you’re doing well. I’m currently talking to this guy who’s amazing. He’s an excellent communicator, always lets me know what’s happening and doesn’t play any games. He’s got an amazing job and seems very emotionally intelligent. Our views align on most things and we have a lot in common. He’s a year younger than me and that’s really bugging me for some reason and a part of me struggles with the communication aspect since I’ve never been around a guy like that before. Not even my family are this good at communicating that it makes me a little uncomfortable. I’m really trying but I feel I might be too toxic for him and he deserves someone with the same emotional intelligence. What do you think I should do?
You’ll be fine with a one year difference. Especially if everything you said is so great. If it’s just one year, it’s not that deep.
It’s only deep if you can feel the age difference. For example, he’s really immature, he lacks emotional intelligence etc. But if he’s really responsible and mature, I don’t see the problem with him being just a
year younger than you. The fact you said he’s an amazing communicator is such a good sign! And I am more inclined to think it’s you that’s is hung up on what society instead of what is actually in-front of you. I don’t blame you, a lot of people at first are weirded out by dating someone younger than them. But people are like that with everything. He could be older than you and someone somewhere will have a problem. But they don’t know context, only you do. And the context is, is that he’s a great guy that happens to be 12 months younger than you. That’s it.
Do your ting girl
Anon
3 years ago
I’m seriously thinking about ending a 15 year friendship with my best friend. The friendship is so draining. I’m tired of it. She only calls me to emotionally offload on me only to disappears when she’s happy again. Whenever I call her she’s always depressed. I’ll spend hours giving her advice and she never takes it. I love her so much but I don’t want to be friends with her anymore. She never asks about me and she’s never positive around me. Anytime I’m around her I just feel the negativity and it kills the vibe. But when I’m with my university girls we are all about enjoyment. Everyone has their own stuff going on but we support each other and move on. They are even noticing somethings not good whenever we got out to places
Ofc mental health is a big deal but I’ve been dealing with this since year 12 and I’m fed up. I don’t want to be her cheerleader for the rest of my life and get nothing in return
You need to let your friend know you’re feeling this way and you have been feeling this way for a long time. Sometimes people just need to be woken up from whatever bubble they’re in and made to smell the fruits
BUT
You can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves. There’s no shame calling it a loss and cutting the costs. It doesn’t come from ill-intent or hateful feelings, it’s just a simple statement: sometimes you can’t help people, and she might be one of those person.
I’m always saying you should talk to people first before doing anything but it seems you had conversations again and again and nothing improved. At this point you’re perfectly within your right to just push her down your priority list and free up your time and effort for people who’ll appreciate your presence and kindness more. It might be the only time where the fade away might be the right approach.
Not being an enabler is a good thing. Stop giving her the pity and attention she’s hooked on and cut short any drama she might try to throw your way. She’ll find other people to leech on to, or what I’m hoping for is that she actually realises all I’m doing is making myself unlikeable. And that’s she’s losing her friends and come to her senses.
Just keep in mind you tried your best and you’re not a shitty person if you decide to give up on this whole situation. Sometimes walking away is the right thing to do. One of my biggest friendship loss that I experienced yearsss ago is because I had to stop talking to someone who just kept on victimising themselves and used me as their crutch for every little thing. It got to the point where she would even start bringing me into her mess. When I stopped talking to her, I actually felt like I lost weight. That’s how much of a burden she was to my life
Constant complaining and never want to change your circumstance is the worst kind of people to be around
Anon
3 years ago
What do you do if you’ve been saving yourself for marriage and after marriage u find out his dick is tiny what do u do after that like tiny tiny
How do you get over travel anxiety? Personally i get a lot of anxiety to travel, dont get me wrong i wanna travel and see the world, but the planning, the overthinking of “what if something goes wrong?”, general safety especially as a hijabi, is it normal to be this terribly anxious about the process
You’re definitely not alone in this experience. I have really bad anxiety in the lead up to trips, but I’m sure you know, it’s the over thinking before the actual event that does the damage. On the plane its quite bad too, but you know what it is? We really do suffer more in imagination than in reality. As a fellow anxious traveller what I would say is to challenge your thoughts, don’t allow them to become your reality. Accept that you’re going to be a ball of nervous energy! For the first few days off the trip you’ll be tired from travel, overwhelmed by a new culture and possibly anxious about everything that can go wrong. Accept that you won’t land and instantly start having the greatest time. I guarantee that after the first few days pass, you’ll be so into the swing of things that you won’t remember why you were so nervous!
If you’re travelling alone, avoid an airbnb. Stay at an all inclusive resort. Have your phone on you always, buy a sm out there, and have a portable charger. And have fun.
You’re definitely not alone in this experience. I have really bad anxiety in the lead up to trips, but I’m sure you know, it’s the over thinking before the actual event that does the damage. On the plane its quite bad too, but you know what it is? We really do suffer more in imagination than in reality. As a fellow anxious traveller what I would say is to challenge your thoughts, don’t allow them to become your reality. Accept that you’re going to be a ball of nervous energy! For the first few days off the trip you’ll be tired from travel, overwhelmed by a new culture and possibly anxious about everything that can go wrong. Accept that you won’t land and instantly start having the greatest time. I guarantee that after the first few days pass, you’ll be so into the swing of things that you won’t remember why you were so nervous!
If you’re travelling alone, avoid an airbnb. Stay at an all inclusive resort. Have your phone on you always, buy a sim out there, and have a portable charger. And have fun.
Stay vigilant, not anxious
Anon
3 years ago
Hi sis I basically have a friend who loves to lie on my name and accuse me of false accusations even though I help her out with everything in her life i blocked her but she’s just going around and lying on my name
I’m in my late 20s, during my late teen years and early 20s i was focusing on finding the right partner for myself. All my spare time after school went into shukansi. Grant it, I was never the type to go out with friends that way either. Not ever since I stopped going out. I started focusing on my deen more and more. I got married, traveled with my husband, settled down and now Somewhere along the line I realized that I lack a friend group. I have a a dear friend here and there but they barely know each other. All I see on instagram is how all these girls have formed a group of friends they travel with etc..and I’m envious (may Allah bless their friendship Ameen)
Don’t get me wrong I am blessed to have the husband that I do have, Alhamdulilah may Allah preserve us. But sometimes I wish I formed deeper connection with a friend group during my shukansi era.
Any advice to how to accept this reality?
It seems like the dream, having enough friends to fill up the booth when you go eat out. The hall when you have a wedding. Everyone all getting a long. Whilst having a large amount of reliable and good friends is a good thing, I really feel like smaller friendships with 1-2 people are better. Those are the real friendships to me. Because you can’t be the real you in a group, and naturally you wouldn’t want to share stuff. Smaller intimate relationships is really where it’s at.
The thing is with big friendship groups is once a few people get into relationships, move countries, get jobs, it’s pretty much over, even if the connections are real. It’s highly dependent on circumstance. And it’s so hard to bring that many people together at once. Like people are not kids anymore, niggas got shit to do. Also, many people are tied to friendships because of how long they’ve known a person but not by a genuine connection.
It’s nice to catch up in a big group here and there, once every few months. Daily is asking for trouble imo. Because just as much as it can be fun, it can be a ticking time bomb too.
I’ve found that it’s better to find people who you really connect with and cherish those one-on-one relationships.
Focus on reconnecting with your friends. Build on those smaller relationships, and then maybe a few years down the line, you would have met more friends to add to those friendships and bonds you’ve created.
Salam sis, there is a boy I knew since school we use to have classes together and talk most of the time. He is really sweet and caring but my problem is he does not know i like i him and probably does not like me back! He follows bunch of girls on his socials and talks to them. Me as a girl i do not look at men who talk to a lot of girls as I am a girl that never interacted with boys for religious reasons. My mind is so messed when it comes to him because I really like him for his characteristics and the way he treats me ( he is also very good looking) but then i think to myself why would i want to be with someone someone who talks to a lot of girls (even though he hasn’t been in a relationship). your probably thinking why ask you a question to a answer I already know but i don’t know! i have liked him for 3 years now. what shall I do? I don’t want to speak to him incase I’m going to be rejected + religious reasons. if so if you say move on how shall I move on? sorry from my grammar I’m in work on break and I’m rushing because i have 3 minutes left
Honestly when I hear people having crushes over the period of a few years, I’m like just go for it bruv. A crush past 7 months is ridiculous. Either make a move or make him make a move. We can’t keep crushing until kingdom come. Somethings got to happen
If you have a crush on this guy, just go for it with confidence and let him know that you are genuinely interested to know him.
3 years is a long time. Having a crush on someone and not taking action will hurt you emotionally. It wil just frustrate the hell out of you. Besides, you will not have any motivation in any other areas of your life. You will be emotionally and mentally invested in him. And any guy that comes before him, you will ignore anyway.
So, what I suggest is find out the truth. In case it doesn’t turn out the way you wanted it to be, even then you will feel a lot better.
We miss 100% of the shots we don’t take. If he curves you, ah on well. At least you’ll know. Because wondering all the time where you both stand and not finding out the truth will always keep you frustrated.
Also don’t worry about the type of girls he follows. Because that hasn’t stopped you having a crush on him. Address that first and then we can talk about the following
So do you think me and my man should start saving for rent for a place together now? How much do you think we should start saving if we want to move in together let’s say in the next year and a half ?
If it’s just rent, I’d save up around 4-5k because that gives you a lot of space to navigate other things. That might even be just 3 months rent or 4 depending on what area you’re going to live in. But with that, at least you’re able to just find a place if you know what I mean. Some places don’t need a deposit, some do.
Is it normal to argue with your husband ? i got married 3 months and we argue sometimes but we are really good most of the time. I just wanna know if it’s normal ? i didn’t date before I got married so my marriage is my worst relationship 😂
Arguments aren’t a bad thing. Not arguing also isn’t a bad thing.
It’s not even about arguing as such, it’s more of how each of you deal with conflicting ideas and feelings.
It doesn’t matter much or how little you argue, but if the conflict is resolved, how you treat each other throughout the conflict and how you treat each other after the conflict.
Everyone argues. Living with your husband is like living with your siblings. The only difference is that you have a romantic and sexual relationship. That’s it. But sometimes you will clash the same like you would a sibling. Sometimes you won’t clash at all. But living with someone, there is going to be small arguments here and there.
Honestly, i believe arguments can be a good thing (sometimes). it helps the other person further understand how someone feels about something, you can get to know your partner better and know what topics to avoid, it’s always an opportunity for you can get better at communicating.
Personally I have some ground rules for arguments in couples that I’ve always thought were great advice. Keep it on topic. Whatever you’re disagreeing on, talk about that and nothing else. If there are other things coming up, either that’s just a distraction and a way to expand the scope of the argument, which is almost never productive, or it’s a relevant issue that deserves its own discussion another time.
‘The goal is a solution, not a victory or: The enemy is the problem, not the partner.’
If you’re fighting, you’ve got to be against something. If you’re trying to beat him/her, someone will win, someone will lose, but there’s no way it ends well for everyone. If the mission is to solve the problem, suddenly you’re both on the same side — you just have different ideas about how to win, together. Now it’s two against one, and when you win, you both win. Remember what’s most important. Maintaining a strong relationship is more important than getting your own way all the time. Ladies!! You hear me?? You don’t always have to win!!😭
You know who can do it his/her own way all the time? Single people. There are compromises to be made in a relationship — get used to it. And when neither way is obviously right or wrong, ask: to whom does this matter more? If it’s a big deal to your partner and your preference is less serious, consider just letting it go to make him/her happy. When your way becomes more important than letting the other person be happy, that’s a red flag. When your goal is to decide, together, how best to solve problems and keep both of you happy, then even when you disagree, things will work out just fine.
Hi Lula,
Can I ask for advice on how to take care of my hair. I have curly 3b hair and I haven’t cut it since pre lockdown so it’s about waist length right now. I don’t know how to take care of it and carrying all that length is putting a lot of pressure and strain on my head.
I know all the techniques for washing curly hair I.e non sulphate products, drying with a microfiber towel but after my hair dries I have no idea what to do with it. My hair is in a bun under my headscarf for 70% of the day and it gets so tangled. Can you please share your hair routine and also I’ve noticed you straighten your hair, how do you prevent heat damage?
Also another advice (sorry I’ve got no-one else to ask lol) I’ve recently started to get into skincare and I’ve established a good routine for myself but there are still areas of my skin that I want to improve and I think this will have to be something I go to a spa for. Like hyperpigmentation, spider veins, removing hair from face etc. For a newbie to all of this, can you reccomend affordable facials spas/ clinics and also what I should be looking out for and share what your routine is please.
Hey sis,
Also I don’t straighten my hair anymore, I pretty much wear wigs unless I’m getting a silk press which would happen once every 6 months or so.
In 2017 I stopped putting heat to my hair, I had always had thin hair but I thought it was because I naturally had thin hair. But it was only me in my family that had hair like this, everyone else in my family had long hair to their elbows and it was THICK. It took me a while to realise it was because of the excessive heat damage. I’ve been straightening my hair since 14/15.
So I completely stopped. I chopped off 1/3 of my hair and left it curly until I found out about wigs.
I usually do a treatment every 3 months and I trim my hair myself (I learnt on YouTube). And for most of the time, my hair is almost always in plaits. And it’s soaked in olive oil. When your hair is dry, it’s more likely for it to break. And that’s why you have to cut off your hair so much. It’s also why your hair at the bottom lacks so much density (thickness), it’s because it’s breaking.
Not sure if you heard this saying but, people used to say trims regularly makes your hair grow longer. That’s not exactly true. Hair grows how it grows. But if you have breakage at the bottom of your hair, you have to cut more off. So if you regularly cut your hair, the bottom hair will be more dense and look more longer (and you won’t have to cut as much off), does that make sense?
If you wear a hijab, stop putting your hair in buns. It will finish your hairline and baby hairs. when I started to part my hair instead of slicking it, I only saw the difference a year and a half later. Especially after I didn’t wear the hijab anymore (I know bad bad bad 😭). But I didn’t realise how much I was stressing out my edges, my headscarf used to be TIGHT.
Also only wash your hair once every 2 weeks. And when you do, but on a hair mask before then. I usually put thick coconut milk and olive oil in my hair for 4 hours before I wash it off, It’s good. But yeah that and not using heat is my best advice.
In terms of skincare, check out Kheils, it’s a bit pricey but Wallahi it’s the best thing ever. And look at the reviews first. I don’t know your skin type so I’m not sure what to suggest
Salam sis,
I hope you’re doing well. I’m currently talking to this guy who’s amazing. He’s an excellent communicator, always lets me know what’s happening and doesn’t play any games. He’s got an amazing job and seems very emotionally intelligent. Our views align on most things and we have a lot in common. He’s a year younger than me and that’s really bugging me for some reason and a part of me struggles with the communication aspect since I’ve never been around a guy like that before. Not even my family are this good at communicating that it makes me a little uncomfortable. I’m really trying but I feel I might be too toxic for him and he deserves someone with the same emotional intelligence. What do you think I should do?
You’ll be fine with a one year difference. Especially if everything you said is so great. If it’s just one year, it’s not that deep.
It’s only deep if you can feel the age difference. For example, he’s really immature, he lacks emotional intelligence etc. But if he’s really responsible and mature, I don’t see the problem with him being just a
year younger than you. The fact you said he’s an amazing communicator is such a good sign! And I am more inclined to think it’s you that’s is hung up on what society instead of what is actually in-front of you. I don’t blame you, a lot of people at first are weirded out by dating someone younger than them. But people are like that with everything. He could be older than you and someone somewhere will have a problem. But they don’t know context, only you do. And the context is, is that he’s a great guy that happens to be 12 months younger than you. That’s it.
Do your ting girl
I’m seriously thinking about ending a 15 year friendship with my best friend. The friendship is so draining. I’m tired of it. She only calls me to emotionally offload on me only to disappears when she’s happy again. Whenever I call her she’s always depressed. I’ll spend hours giving her advice and she never takes it. I love her so much but I don’t want to be friends with her anymore. She never asks about me and she’s never positive around me. Anytime I’m around her I just feel the negativity and it kills the vibe. But when I’m with my university girls we are all about enjoyment. Everyone has their own stuff going on but we support each other and move on. They are even noticing somethings not good whenever we got out to places
Ofc mental health is a big deal but I’ve been dealing with this since year 12 and I’m fed up. I don’t want to be her cheerleader for the rest of my life and get nothing in return
You need to let your friend know you’re feeling this way and you have been feeling this way for a long time. Sometimes people just need to be woken up from whatever bubble they’re in and made to smell the fruits
BUT
You can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves. There’s no shame calling it a loss and cutting the costs. It doesn’t come from ill-intent or hateful feelings, it’s just a simple statement: sometimes you can’t help people, and she might be one of those person.
I’m always saying you should talk to people first before doing anything but it seems you had conversations again and again and nothing improved. At this point you’re perfectly within your right to just push her down your priority list and free up your time and effort for people who’ll appreciate your presence and kindness more. It might be the only time where the fade away might be the right approach.
Not being an enabler is a good thing. Stop giving her the pity and attention she’s hooked on and cut short any drama she might try to throw your way. She’ll find other people to leech on to, or what I’m hoping for is that she actually realises all I’m doing is making myself unlikeable. And that’s she’s losing her friends and come to her senses.
Just keep in mind you tried your best and you’re not a shitty person if you decide to give up on this whole situation. Sometimes walking away is the right thing to do. One of my biggest friendship loss that I experienced yearsss ago is because I had to stop talking to someone who just kept on victimising themselves and used me as their crutch for every little thing. It got to the point where she would even start bringing me into her mess. When I stopped talking to her, I actually felt like I lost weight. That’s how much of a burden she was to my life
Constant complaining and never want to change your circumstance is the worst kind of people to be around
What do you do if you’ve been saving yourself for marriage and after marriage u find out his dick is tiny what do u do after that like tiny tiny
Girl out of all things to ask loooooooooooooool
How do you get over travel anxiety? Personally i get a lot of anxiety to travel, dont get me wrong i wanna travel and see the world, but the planning, the overthinking of “what if something goes wrong?”, general safety especially as a hijabi, is it normal to be this terribly anxious about the process
You’re definitely not alone in this experience. I have really bad anxiety in the lead up to trips, but I’m sure you know, it’s the over thinking before the actual event that does the damage. On the plane its quite bad too, but you know what it is? We really do suffer more in imagination than in reality. As a fellow anxious traveller what I would say is to challenge your thoughts, don’t allow them to become your reality. Accept that you’re going to be a ball of nervous energy! For the first few days off the trip you’ll be tired from travel, overwhelmed by a new culture and possibly anxious about everything that can go wrong. Accept that you won’t land and instantly start having the greatest time. I guarantee that after the first few days pass, you’ll be so into the swing of things that you won’t remember why you were so nervous!
If you’re travelling alone, avoid an airbnb. Stay at an all inclusive resort. Have your phone on you always, buy a sm out there, and have a portable charger. And have fun.
Stay vigilant, not anxious
You’re definitely not alone in this experience. I have really bad anxiety in the lead up to trips, but I’m sure you know, it’s the over thinking before the actual event that does the damage. On the plane its quite bad too, but you know what it is? We really do suffer more in imagination than in reality. As a fellow anxious traveller what I would say is to challenge your thoughts, don’t allow them to become your reality. Accept that you’re going to be a ball of nervous energy! For the first few days off the trip you’ll be tired from travel, overwhelmed by a new culture and possibly anxious about everything that can go wrong. Accept that you won’t land and instantly start having the greatest time. I guarantee that after the first few days pass, you’ll be so into the swing of things that you won’t remember why you were so nervous!
If you’re travelling alone, avoid an airbnb. Stay at an all inclusive resort. Have your phone on you always, buy a sim out there, and have a portable charger. And have fun.
Stay vigilant, not anxious
Hi sis I basically have a friend who loves to lie on my name and accuse me of false accusations even though I help her out with everything in her life i blocked her but she’s just going around and lying on my name
Stop calling people your friends.
She’s not your friend.