I’m 22 and don’t think I will ever get married
I honestly think my standards are not high when the filter is all men but when you apply it to only somali men, I dont think it’s possible.
I am a beautiful 22 yr old, I go gym and I’m currently doing an apprenticeship at one of the top firms in London Alhamdulliah.
I would say my standards come from my dad, he works so hard and treats my mum so amazing with open affection.
I want a man who :
– Can dress well ( no instagram puffer jacket ‘drip’ style, dress like an actual man)
– Can fully provide if i stop working
– Is a hopeless romantic like me
– Average to good looking
– 5’7 +
– Funny, charming respectful caring etc etc….
– Many more but you get the jist, a gentlemen
I haven’t considered any suitors so far even though I have been approached many times as they just all seem unserious. For example, no manners, wears a tracksuit everywhere, no shame
My question is am I the problem?
Should I extend my searchings to a non-somali man?
I may seem as if I’m overreacting but I honestly do not think I will get married
I’ve come to the conclusion that the dating market is NOT bad and let me tell you why. When you don’t have access to the kind of men you want, your market right now feels a lot smaller. Access really depends on your age, occupation and location.
Your market is going to be different as a 22 year old in university compared to that of a 27 year old working globally. The men you find at 22, you definitely won’t find at 27 in those kind of places. Honestly our bubble we have during our early 20’s feel like it’s the whole word, when it’s not even close. That’s why I encourage people to get married as late as possible. The people, the lifestyle you have access to the older and more independent you get is just better. And you’ll marry because you want to rather than feeling like you’re missing out. And that’s the most important part!
That’s why you have to change your attitude. Stop going for small boys thinking you’re gonna find the kind of man you want. Have your flings, have your fun. But know what it is. Yeah people are getting married left right and centre but that doesn’t mean it has to be your destiny RIGHT NOW. I’m telling you, just wait a few years. You won’t have this problem
Anon
3 years ago
Hi, i’m 19 I’m not good at establishing boundaries with female friends and I need to learn that, where do I start from? There’s couple girls that talk shit behind my back esp to the guys I talk to. Should I confront her abt it? I’ve been silent this whole time while they was telling my best friend what they say about me to other people.
If they can talk shit behind your back, they are not your friends. Don’t even confront them about it, because somehow someway they’ll paint you to be the villain.
The only person you should speak to is your best friend. She needs to be g checked for facilitating other people talking shit about her best friend
Anon
3 years ago
Hi girls
I am absolutely loving your page, May Allah bless you guys eternally.
My problem is there was this guy who I had a crush on when I was 20 and then life got in the way and I’ve just never thought about it. Now 8years down the line he is the only person I am always thinking about, the feelings have come back the crush. Does that mean something? I’ve got him on my socials watches my stories and when we do see each other on the roads he does ask how I am and we have a conversation. But the problem is how do I deal with these feelings? How would I know if he feels the same or what’s holding him back or I’m I just wasting my time?
My dilemma is that there is this guy from my past. 7 years ago we were in a situationship that I ended because I hate situationships it’s a waste of time. 7 years later we meet again & he’s married with 2 kids. He tells me that he loves his wife and everything but he went out of this way to ask my brother in law if I would go for him now that he’s married. He got my number from my brother in law and we started talking. But I made it very clearly that we are nothing but friends. He even went out of his way to ask me if I would marry a married man. I have never been more mad in my life because man ain’t shit. I’m 100% sure that I wouldn’t go for him especially not now. The only problem is I did really like him & seeing him again , catching up it brought back memories. But that’s all they will ever be memories. Idky I’m writing this but hit me with the hard truth girl.
Whilst he is mad, so are you. Why were you having phone call conversations with a man that was married- especially if you knew you didn’t want to be a 2nd wife? You have to keep it real here, I know you were just being selfish and wanted to catch up with a long lost partner – but that is kinda fucked up. Especially if he has a family. He was actually very honest early on with his intentions and you kept on entertaining it. He told your brother way before he even had a conversation with you, and you knew. IDK what you was expecting. I kind of rate the guy for at least saying would you marry me rather than keeping you as a mistress. Which is what you will become if you entertain this relationship.
Make better choices girl
Anon
3 years ago
Would you find it feel if your man was likkimg girls pics he don’t know and following girls he don’t know also and when confronted saying he likes everything (obvs before you were married let’s just say) because I get so baffled when I look at my man’s following and I know he had girl mutal followings that they don’t know each other like that & i just wonder for what reason? I don’t follow mandem it was so easy for me to unfollow & he can’t do the same and I won’t ask him because that’s close to begging and I will not beg a man to do bare minimum. I know he’s not a thirsty man he’s honestly the most wonderful most charming man that spoils me and is so kind and loving to me but it is so hard for me to move past it ive confronted him he said he won’t like them anymore (& he hasn’t) It might be an insecurity thing within myself or I might be embarrassed. Who knows
Idk I’m more inclined to think that’s weird. Men having Instagram in general is weird to me, especially if he’s married and following gyal. That is bizarre to me. Twitter is different though, because you can talk about anything. You’re not liking stuff based on how they look and what they’re wearing.
The problem here is, you unfollowed all the mandem first with the expectation he’d do that for you. This is how girls be out here getting rid of their hoes before a man has shown he’s serious yet. Whilst it’s nice that he spoils you and everything, its still weird to like other girls pictures. Maybe he will only realise it’s a problem if you start following men again.
Anon
3 years ago
How long have you been married? like is it years? but either way, MashaAllah!!! May Allah bless you two and let you have a full and happy marriage and let you meet in Jannah 😉 <3
Ameen sis! Thank you. And we’ve been married now for 7 months, next month we’d have been together for 4 years Alhamdulilah.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi guys hope you are well. I’ve been with this guy for 3 years pushing 4 almost, loml for real. He’s been telling me he wants to marry me and my whole fam knows about him and so does his. But he says I don’t know when but I want to marry you ‘this year’ , surely you’d at least give me a rough date when you want things to happen. He has given me false promises before last year but he just says it wasn’t great timing. I push him for a date then he gets annoyed with me? I don’t understand, I know money isn’t the issue because alx he’s stable enough. When your fam also ask about him 24/7 I just say inshallah but I hate the thought of thinking that! Please help meeee xxx
I am not sure why he is still your mans. Well, I assume you are young and so I get it. You live with hope and the “willing suspension of disbelief” because you want to believe that he will keep his promises.
He, on the other hand, has already learned from you that he can promise you anything only to break your heart later and still have you forgive him. This is not a pattern he will change because he already knows what you will do. He has no motive to change and it is possible that his pattern is such that he can’t change. Any time you ask, instead of giving you dates to cool you off, now he actually has the audacity to get annoyed. You are bothering him!
So why do you think that he will change when he doesn’t as you have already reinforced that he doesn’t have to change? (Hint: “I want him to” is not an acceptable answer.)
How you deal with him is not to give him an ultimatum because that won’t work either. He lies to you when he makes promises and perhaps lies later. So how you deal with him is to make the decision that it is time to end the relationship and see what he does afterwards. Because right now he is having his cake and eating it.
Unless there is something you didn’t tell us about those promises. Are they reasonable? Did you make him promise, knowing that he might fail? Are the promises an imposition on his time, job, team practices? The list goes on, but as long as you stand by reasonable and logical promises, then my answer is the same. You said finances are not the issue? Is it family, does his family like you? WHAT WAS THE REASON?
The only reason why a couple should wake long to get married is because they have both agreed to. Right now, both of you are not on the same page. Only you can make this decision. Stay and be a common law wife or break up and find a man who does want to marry you. And if you break up pay attention to the cues this time. Men do tell women early on what they are about. We as women don’t always take heed.
Nothing stops a man from marrying who he wants to marry. Remember that!
Anon
3 years ago
Trigger warning ⚠️ SA
Hey sis, I put a trigger warning there because I don’t want t yourselves or anyone reading being upset by this or triggered at all. So if anyone’s reached here and doesn’t want to read about SA this is your warning…
Not sure how to approach this but I was molested as a child by my elder brother. I remember bits randomly but a lot of it is wiped out but randomly hits me. My family in general have had a on and off relationship with my brother and he’s been in and out of our lives. He’s back now but I’ve always kept a distance. Not enough to make him feel I remember but enough so he is not in my daily life and only calls every couple of months.
My dilemma is I’m getting married soon InshaAllah and my partner is a family man. I’ve explained my eldest bro just isn’t in my life like that, isn’t really a brother and how unreliable he’s been but he has a good heart and always wants me to try and recoincile with him. To the point where he’s trying to make us go on a dinner together etc and I know it’s only going to continue once we get married.
I have tried to just say that’s how it is etc and I don’t need to be closer to him but he keeps trying and I don’t know how to let my fiancé know I don’t want him part of mine or our future family. If I tell him, he will detest him and I don’t know how he’ll handle it. I’ve never told anyone this and not planning to as it happened so long ago and nothing will come of it.
He knows somethings happened SA wise to me but doesn’t know any details and has been respectful however saying it was my brother is different.
Another twist unfortunately is my brother as the eldest is acting as my waali as my parents aren’t here. So I know if I tell him he’ll mention that and how I let that happen and why I didn’t refuse knowing this as he may not be the best representative for me.
I want to be open and vulnerable but sharing this it’s massive and I just don’t know where my mind is at. I’ve got to build a future with my fiancé and I don’t want him to hate my family but I don’t know I’m just rambling now
Subhanallah… I am so so sorry you went through this. I’m genuinely lost for words.
I pray illahi relieves any pain that’s still with you, and that one day, whether its here on this earth or in the akirah, that you get your justice.
When family is involved, it makes a situation like this so hard to deal with. Because theres shame and community involved, people are more likely to blame you for opening your mouth and its so fucked up. But something needs to be done. Do not let your brother be the one that marries you off. Tell your husband very briefly that something has happened and your brother can no longer be near you. Because if he finds out now, he might want to do something to him before the wedding.
When your family ask you why, be firm and say you want your uncle or someone else to give away your hand. I know its easier to say this but no, you do not deserve to be given away by someone who has molested you. No, its not happening. Get married inside a mosque if you have to, and when you tell the imaam what has happened – they will have no qualms marrying you off.
Once you get married, cut this man off. Whether you want to report this is up to you, and I wouldn’t even blame you if you didn’t. Because you’re doing this for the sake of your family. But you need to distance yourself from these people, and create a boundary. I think then you should tell your partner.
As an adult, sexual trauma can make intimacy difficult, so in that aspect – your fiancée has a right to know. Another thing is, those traumas can manifest in other areas in your romantic life. As a kid, experiencing a betrayal of trust, especially if the abuser was someone you were related to and cared about. Just that alone might make it difficult to allow yourself to trust in a relationship. It will be a relief to you and your partner once you start opening up about the sexual abuse. It helps him to understand behaviours that may have baffled him, especially with the relationship you had with your brother for years. Then he will know to protect you from that, and never encourage you to have a relationship with him again.
I’m so sorry my love. I pray this marriage will be another opportunity for you, another chance at having the home you fucking deserved as a child. May Allah swt grant you the most amazing spouse that will look after you and take care of you, love you, all of that and more!
Anon
3 years ago
Hey!
I stopped speaking to an ex friend we were really close & she ended up bumping into a mutual person we know and she told him my personal business about how I’m due to get married when I specifically told him do NOT tell anyone about it until I am ready to tell everyone. And I know for a fact she’s told him other personal things regarding my relationship as we all used to know each other. She’s never opened her mouth to anyone else and when I told her do not tell anyone she goes on ahead and tells someone that I do not like at all. This was on a night out too. I tried to give her benefit of the doubt by thinking she was intoxicated but I just left it. Do you think she was bitter in doing this? Baring in mind she’s the one that used to tell me speak to guys and get to know them when I wasn’t interested because I was so invested in myself and career. She knew things were going smoothly between us and when she forced to speak to someone she actually liked it backfired on her and she broke down and I think that’s karma to be honest. It’s been a few months and she still hasn’t apologised or anything. I have not spoken to her since and I do not ever intend to. Do you think she did this cause she was jealous?
Be very wary of those friends who just like to talk too much. And they are always sharing other people’s business, because they will do it to you too. Not only did this friend have no right to announce your marriage before you did, but her doing it unprovoked is extremely disrespectful to you and your friendship. She’s effectively saying that her desire to spill tea out values your friendship.
I don’t think she was necessarily jealous of you, some girls just love to chat too much. And she’s being careless. It requires complete lack of common sense to not realise things like this shouldn’t be broadcasted to public. And because of that, I’m not inclined to say fuck her. Yes once is a mistake but continuously? One day she is going to accidentally share something that’s really personal to you and by then it will be too late. Don’t wait for an apology either, she did you a favour. I wouldn’t go walking around saying she’s jealous of you either, because you’re just going to come across as that girl who thinks everyone is jealous of her because they’re getting married. Charge it to the game and take the high road
Anon
3 years ago
Hi girls, I hope you’re all well!!
I have this date coming up. I met this guy when I went on a trip to Paris and he’s been wanting to take me on a date for a while now. I’ve only been postponing it because I’ve never ever been on a date before and i don’t know what to do. First of all I’ve put on weight so I have a bigger face now. I’m also a hijabi so isn’t it weird for like a hijabi to go on a date with a man in public? Another thing I’m worried about is our age gap. He’s 8 years older than me which I’m fine with tbh but I think he might see me as being immature. I say this because when I converse with people, I tend to speak quite loudly (I blame my Somali genes) and I have a weird laugh where I’ll cry when I laugh. I use my hands so much when I’m talking especially when I’m passionate about something. But I’m just a passionate person in general but not in an aggressive way, more in a cool funny way imo. Oh and I can talk for dayssss. I think my personality traits will acc scare him off tbh. Do you think I should tone down my personality a bit on the dates?
I don’t think you should have to tone down your intensity at all. Intensity is great and you shouldn’t have to clamp your emotions when you’re just being yourself. Trust me, with time into the relationship, you’ll tone down naturally. Just be you and if he doesn’t get that or needs to step back then its on him, not on you.
However, what I will say is don’t be one of those girls that just talk AT you. Give him an opportunity to talk and make sure you’re a good listener! Ask questions about him too and be super interested. Be more aware, if you realise it’s just you talking, give him the stage to speak too.
And everywhere I’ve gone to I’ve seen a hijabi on a date. No one cares and they’ll probably assume you’re married or something.
Also age gap is not that deep, if he thought you were immature, he wouldn’t have asked you out. Stop being nervous and just go for it
I’m 22 and don’t think I will ever get married
I honestly think my standards are not high when the filter is all men but when you apply it to only somali men, I dont think it’s possible.
I am a beautiful 22 yr old, I go gym and I’m currently doing an apprenticeship at one of the top firms in London Alhamdulliah.
I would say my standards come from my dad, he works so hard and treats my mum so amazing with open affection.
I want a man who :
– Can dress well ( no instagram puffer jacket ‘drip’ style, dress like an actual man)
– Can fully provide if i stop working
– Is a hopeless romantic like me
– Average to good looking
– 5’7 +
– Funny, charming respectful caring etc etc….
– Many more but you get the jist, a gentlemen
I haven’t considered any suitors so far even though I have been approached many times as they just all seem unserious. For example, no manners, wears a tracksuit everywhere, no shame
My question is am I the problem?
Should I extend my searchings to a non-somali man?
I may seem as if I’m overreacting but I honestly do not think I will get married
I’ve come to the conclusion that the dating market is NOT bad and let me tell you why. When you don’t have access to the kind of men you want, your market right now feels a lot smaller. Access really depends on your age, occupation and location.
Your market is going to be different as a 22 year old in university compared to that of a 27 year old working globally. The men you find at 22, you definitely won’t find at 27 in those kind of places. Honestly our bubble we have during our early 20’s feel like it’s the whole word, when it’s not even close. That’s why I encourage people to get married as late as possible. The people, the lifestyle you have access to the older and more independent you get is just better. And you’ll marry because you want to rather than feeling like you’re missing out. And that’s the most important part!
That’s why you have to change your attitude. Stop going for small boys thinking you’re gonna find the kind of man you want. Have your flings, have your fun. But know what it is. Yeah people are getting married left right and centre but that doesn’t mean it has to be your destiny RIGHT NOW. I’m telling you, just wait a few years. You won’t have this problem
Hi, i’m 19 I’m not good at establishing boundaries with female friends and I need to learn that, where do I start from? There’s couple girls that talk shit behind my back esp to the guys I talk to. Should I confront her abt it? I’ve been silent this whole time while they was telling my best friend what they say about me to other people.
If they can talk shit behind your back, they are not your friends. Don’t even confront them about it, because somehow someway they’ll paint you to be the villain.
The only person you should speak to is your best friend. She needs to be g checked for facilitating other people talking shit about her best friend
Hi girls
I am absolutely loving your page, May Allah bless you guys eternally.
My problem is there was this guy who I had a crush on when I was 20 and then life got in the way and I’ve just never thought about it. Now 8years down the line he is the only person I am always thinking about, the feelings have come back the crush. Does that mean something? I’ve got him on my socials watches my stories and when we do see each other on the roads he does ask how I am and we have a conversation. But the problem is how do I deal with these feelings? How would I know if he feels the same or what’s holding him back or I’m I just wasting my time?
Move on sis. Move on
My dilemma is that there is this guy from my past. 7 years ago we were in a situationship that I ended because I hate situationships it’s a waste of time. 7 years later we meet again & he’s married with 2 kids. He tells me that he loves his wife and everything but he went out of this way to ask my brother in law if I would go for him now that he’s married. He got my number from my brother in law and we started talking. But I made it very clearly that we are nothing but friends. He even went out of his way to ask me if I would marry a married man. I have never been more mad in my life because man ain’t shit. I’m 100% sure that I wouldn’t go for him especially not now. The only problem is I did really like him & seeing him again , catching up it brought back memories. But that’s all they will ever be memories. Idky I’m writing this but hit me with the hard truth girl.
Whilst he is mad, so are you. Why were you having phone call conversations with a man that was married- especially if you knew you didn’t want to be a 2nd wife? You have to keep it real here, I know you were just being selfish and wanted to catch up with a long lost partner – but that is kinda fucked up. Especially if he has a family. He was actually very honest early on with his intentions and you kept on entertaining it. He told your brother way before he even had a conversation with you, and you knew. IDK what you was expecting. I kind of rate the guy for at least saying would you marry me rather than keeping you as a mistress. Which is what you will become if you entertain this relationship.
Make better choices girl
Would you find it feel if your man was likkimg girls pics he don’t know and following girls he don’t know also and when confronted saying he likes everything (obvs before you were married let’s just say) because I get so baffled when I look at my man’s following and I know he had girl mutal followings that they don’t know each other like that & i just wonder for what reason? I don’t follow mandem it was so easy for me to unfollow & he can’t do the same and I won’t ask him because that’s close to begging and I will not beg a man to do bare minimum. I know he’s not a thirsty man he’s honestly the most wonderful most charming man that spoils me and is so kind and loving to me but it is so hard for me to move past it ive confronted him he said he won’t like them anymore (& he hasn’t) It might be an insecurity thing within myself or I might be embarrassed. Who knows
Idk I’m more inclined to think that’s weird. Men having Instagram in general is weird to me, especially if he’s married and following gyal. That is bizarre to me. Twitter is different though, because you can talk about anything. You’re not liking stuff based on how they look and what they’re wearing.
The problem here is, you unfollowed all the mandem first with the expectation he’d do that for you. This is how girls be out here getting rid of their hoes before a man has shown he’s serious yet. Whilst it’s nice that he spoils you and everything, its still weird to like other girls pictures. Maybe he will only realise it’s a problem if you start following men again.
How long have you been married? like is it years? but either way, MashaAllah!!! May Allah bless you two and let you have a full and happy marriage and let you meet in Jannah 😉 <3
Ameen sis! Thank you. And we’ve been married now for 7 months, next month we’d have been together for 4 years Alhamdulilah.
Hi guys hope you are well. I’ve been with this guy for 3 years pushing 4 almost, loml for real. He’s been telling me he wants to marry me and my whole fam knows about him and so does his. But he says I don’t know when but I want to marry you ‘this year’ , surely you’d at least give me a rough date when you want things to happen. He has given me false promises before last year but he just says it wasn’t great timing. I push him for a date then he gets annoyed with me? I don’t understand, I know money isn’t the issue because alx he’s stable enough. When your fam also ask about him 24/7 I just say inshallah but I hate the thought of thinking that! Please help meeee xxx
I am not sure why he is still your mans. Well, I assume you are young and so I get it. You live with hope and the “willing suspension of disbelief” because you want to believe that he will keep his promises.
He, on the other hand, has already learned from you that he can promise you anything only to break your heart later and still have you forgive him. This is not a pattern he will change because he already knows what you will do. He has no motive to change and it is possible that his pattern is such that he can’t change. Any time you ask, instead of giving you dates to cool you off, now he actually has the audacity to get annoyed. You are bothering him!
So why do you think that he will change when he doesn’t as you have already reinforced that he doesn’t have to change? (Hint: “I want him to” is not an acceptable answer.)
How you deal with him is not to give him an ultimatum because that won’t work either. He lies to you when he makes promises and perhaps lies later. So how you deal with him is to make the decision that it is time to end the relationship and see what he does afterwards. Because right now he is having his cake and eating it.
Unless there is something you didn’t tell us about those promises. Are they reasonable? Did you make him promise, knowing that he might fail? Are the promises an imposition on his time, job, team practices? The list goes on, but as long as you stand by reasonable and logical promises, then my answer is the same. You said finances are not the issue? Is it family, does his family like you? WHAT WAS THE REASON?
The only reason why a couple should wake long to get married is because they have both agreed to. Right now, both of you are not on the same page. Only you can make this decision. Stay and be a common law wife or break up and find a man who does want to marry you. And if you break up pay attention to the cues this time. Men do tell women early on what they are about. We as women don’t always take heed.
Nothing stops a man from marrying who he wants to marry. Remember that!
Trigger warning ⚠️ SA
Hey sis, I put a trigger warning there because I don’t want t yourselves or anyone reading being upset by this or triggered at all. So if anyone’s reached here and doesn’t want to read about SA this is your warning…
Not sure how to approach this but I was molested as a child by my elder brother. I remember bits randomly but a lot of it is wiped out but randomly hits me. My family in general have had a on and off relationship with my brother and he’s been in and out of our lives. He’s back now but I’ve always kept a distance. Not enough to make him feel I remember but enough so he is not in my daily life and only calls every couple of months.
My dilemma is I’m getting married soon InshaAllah and my partner is a family man. I’ve explained my eldest bro just isn’t in my life like that, isn’t really a brother and how unreliable he’s been but he has a good heart and always wants me to try and recoincile with him. To the point where he’s trying to make us go on a dinner together etc and I know it’s only going to continue once we get married.
I have tried to just say that’s how it is etc and I don’t need to be closer to him but he keeps trying and I don’t know how to let my fiancé know I don’t want him part of mine or our future family. If I tell him, he will detest him and I don’t know how he’ll handle it. I’ve never told anyone this and not planning to as it happened so long ago and nothing will come of it.
He knows somethings happened SA wise to me but doesn’t know any details and has been respectful however saying it was my brother is different.
Another twist unfortunately is my brother as the eldest is acting as my waali as my parents aren’t here. So I know if I tell him he’ll mention that and how I let that happen and why I didn’t refuse knowing this as he may not be the best representative for me.
I want to be open and vulnerable but sharing this it’s massive and I just don’t know where my mind is at. I’ve got to build a future with my fiancé and I don’t want him to hate my family but I don’t know I’m just rambling now
Subhanallah… I am so so sorry you went through this. I’m genuinely lost for words.
I pray illahi relieves any pain that’s still with you, and that one day, whether its here on this earth or in the akirah, that you get your justice.
When family is involved, it makes a situation like this so hard to deal with. Because theres shame and community involved, people are more likely to blame you for opening your mouth and its so fucked up. But something needs to be done. Do not let your brother be the one that marries you off. Tell your husband very briefly that something has happened and your brother can no longer be near you. Because if he finds out now, he might want to do something to him before the wedding.
When your family ask you why, be firm and say you want your uncle or someone else to give away your hand. I know its easier to say this but no, you do not deserve to be given away by someone who has molested you. No, its not happening. Get married inside a mosque if you have to, and when you tell the imaam what has happened – they will have no qualms marrying you off.
Once you get married, cut this man off. Whether you want to report this is up to you, and I wouldn’t even blame you if you didn’t. Because you’re doing this for the sake of your family. But you need to distance yourself from these people, and create a boundary. I think then you should tell your partner.
As an adult, sexual trauma can make intimacy difficult, so in that aspect – your fiancée has a right to know. Another thing is, those traumas can manifest in other areas in your romantic life. As a kid, experiencing a betrayal of trust, especially if the abuser was someone you were related to and cared about. Just that alone might make it difficult to allow yourself to trust in a relationship. It will be a relief to you and your partner once you start opening up about the sexual abuse. It helps him to understand behaviours that may have baffled him, especially with the relationship you had with your brother for years. Then he will know to protect you from that, and never encourage you to have a relationship with him again.
I’m so sorry my love. I pray this marriage will be another opportunity for you, another chance at having the home you fucking deserved as a child. May Allah swt grant you the most amazing spouse that will look after you and take care of you, love you, all of that and more!
Hey!
I stopped speaking to an ex friend we were really close & she ended up bumping into a mutual person we know and she told him my personal business about how I’m due to get married when I specifically told him do NOT tell anyone about it until I am ready to tell everyone. And I know for a fact she’s told him other personal things regarding my relationship as we all used to know each other. She’s never opened her mouth to anyone else and when I told her do not tell anyone she goes on ahead and tells someone that I do not like at all. This was on a night out too. I tried to give her benefit of the doubt by thinking she was intoxicated but I just left it. Do you think she was bitter in doing this? Baring in mind she’s the one that used to tell me speak to guys and get to know them when I wasn’t interested because I was so invested in myself and career. She knew things were going smoothly between us and when she forced to speak to someone she actually liked it backfired on her and she broke down and I think that’s karma to be honest. It’s been a few months and she still hasn’t apologised or anything. I have not spoken to her since and I do not ever intend to. Do you think she did this cause she was jealous?
Listen: loose lips sink ships.
Be very wary of those friends who just like to talk too much. And they are always sharing other people’s business, because they will do it to you too. Not only did this friend have no right to announce your marriage before you did, but her doing it unprovoked is extremely disrespectful to you and your friendship. She’s effectively saying that her desire to spill tea out values your friendship.
I don’t think she was necessarily jealous of you, some girls just love to chat too much. And she’s being careless. It requires complete lack of common sense to not realise things like this shouldn’t be broadcasted to public. And because of that, I’m not inclined to say fuck her. Yes once is a mistake but continuously? One day she is going to accidentally share something that’s really personal to you and by then it will be too late. Don’t wait for an apology either, she did you a favour. I wouldn’t go walking around saying she’s jealous of you either, because you’re just going to come across as that girl who thinks everyone is jealous of her because they’re getting married. Charge it to the game and take the high road
Hi girls, I hope you’re all well!!
I have this date coming up. I met this guy when I went on a trip to Paris and he’s been wanting to take me on a date for a while now. I’ve only been postponing it because I’ve never ever been on a date before and i don’t know what to do. First of all I’ve put on weight so I have a bigger face now. I’m also a hijabi so isn’t it weird for like a hijabi to go on a date with a man in public? Another thing I’m worried about is our age gap. He’s 8 years older than me which I’m fine with tbh but I think he might see me as being immature. I say this because when I converse with people, I tend to speak quite loudly (I blame my Somali genes) and I have a weird laugh where I’ll cry when I laugh. I use my hands so much when I’m talking especially when I’m passionate about something. But I’m just a passionate person in general but not in an aggressive way, more in a cool funny way imo. Oh and I can talk for dayssss. I think my personality traits will acc scare him off tbh. Do you think I should tone down my personality a bit on the dates?
I don’t think you should have to tone down your intensity at all. Intensity is great and you shouldn’t have to clamp your emotions when you’re just being yourself. Trust me, with time into the relationship, you’ll tone down naturally. Just be you and if he doesn’t get that or needs to step back then its on him, not on you.
However, what I will say is don’t be one of those girls that just talk AT you. Give him an opportunity to talk and make sure you’re a good listener! Ask questions about him too and be super interested. Be more aware, if you realise it’s just you talking, give him the stage to speak too.
And everywhere I’ve gone to I’ve seen a hijabi on a date. No one cares and they’ll probably assume you’re married or something.
Also age gap is not that deep, if he thought you were immature, he wouldn’t have asked you out. Stop being nervous and just go for it