Hello, I’m a 21 year old woman and looking to marry a 21 year old man. However as of right now, he isn’t financially stable as he is in university finishing off a degree and plans on working straight after.
The topic of living with in laws has flagged up a few times and when we first discussed it we realised we aren’t on the same page. I’ve never wanted to live with in laws and I still don’t. He wants his wife to live with his laws ideally forever. When I do bring up the fact I have my right to say no, he says that I can’t execute my right like that. His situation needs to be appreciated and that I understand, however I don’t think he has a unique situation that makes living with in laws a must. For example his reasons are :
– only son with one older sis and younger sis and he has an active role financially, emotionally etc.
– wants to retire his father
– both parents are older in age roughly 60 as of now
– don’t want them to feel lonely
– believes he won’t be able to financially take care of them and me if we move out and live in a rented place
– doesn’t believe us living close by will be the same as taking care
– he also says that he feels as if it will be disrespectful if he doesn’t at least make us try live with his parents as he knows it will make them happy (my point is why must I even have to try, I shouldn’t even be made to feel bad for simply wanting my own place)
I am aware that when you do live with in laws the wife should be granted a separate bedroom bathroom kitchen away from family members however this won’t be the case in his home as id only get a separate bedroom. I just need some outlook on this from other people, and if I’m being unfair. The compromise I was under is that once he is financially stable we then live together separately. Must I still have to live with in laws, I don’t see a problem of me living at home and once he is stable I can then live with him? And to clarify I am aware that me even visiting them taking care doing this is seen as ajar and the way I was brought up this will happen even if we don’t live together.
The fact is, because you both are not financially stable yet and you will probably be in the future- so if you guys want to get married now, you have NO choice but to live with your in laws.
Unless you have other options and he has refused, we can address that. But it sounds like you guys genuinely don’t.
I honestly think right now is not a good time for you guys. Mashallah he has made it clear he wants to look after his family and that’s an amazing thing. But I don’t think he can do that right now at his age, and also be a husband to you. If you guys were to get married, it would be so difficult and the Union between you two won’t be a priority. And that’s why I’m saying, maybe not now. You can get married, but it won’t be how you imagined it. And you won’t feel like a priority either when you should be.
Look you’re 21, you have all the time in the world to be a married woman. Go down that route when the stars align, not when you’re just forcing it to happen.
Anon
3 years ago
I don’t have any marriage potentials in my life and I’ve considered joining muzmatch or a similar site. I know I shouldn’t care what others think, but people routinely make fun of those “desperate enough” to use muslim dating apps and I feel like I’ve internalized it. I feel ashamed now to need one, and to not have just organically met someone. I don’t know what to do.
Sis, people will have something to say about anything you do. Literally, they see you getting married the halal way? They’ll have something to say. Don’t live your life according to what people say because they never have your best interest anyway. They just want to criticise.
Go on muzmatch and go find your mans
Anon
3 years ago
Hi guys,
I’m 20yrs old and I’ve never spoken to a boy romantically. I’ve never let a guy get to know me seriously because of my trust issues but I want to eventually get married and settle down. My friends always tell me they can’t imagine me in a relationship or married. Also I have had a lot of guy friends in the past and they have always seen me a friend/sister (which ovbs I loved & respected) but now I’m more worried that there is something everyone can see but myself that makes me undesirable and I guess I feel a bit insecure about this deep down. I question if there is anyone that has been interested in romantically or my looks or personality. Do I need to change to become more desirable to men?
Before you ask this, ask yourself: has there even been an opportunity for a man to approach you? Do you have a social media presence? Is it easy for someone to make a move? If not, focus on that then. Because the reality is, if there is no opportunity – it will never happen.
Anon
3 years ago
Dear Sisters,
I’m coming to the time where I should put in the effort into searching for a good husband. But honestly, I just can’t bring myself to even care. I’m fortunate enough to give myself things and opportunities without a man lol. That being said my family would really like me to marry from my culture, ethnic background. But the range of men are not it, most of them come from families where their mums baby them. They expect their women to be carved to perfection when they have zero to offer for themselves. Sad times.
You need to find that grey area between not trying at all, and trying so hard you force a (bad) relationship. You have to find the middle ground that you’re comfortable with. You don’t have to be actively searching, you just prepare yourself for anyone who would come into your life, much like you prepare your home for company coming over by cleaning and tidying up, but you continue to go out and live your life by living it instead of only going outside to ask everyone you meet if they’d like to come over. You keep your house ready until you meet someone that you really want to invite into your house and into your life if that makes sense?
There isn’t one magical formula. You just have to go out, get to know people. Or maybe get to know people online which seems to be like the new thing. You just have to change your attitude really
Anon
3 years ago
So there’s this guy I’ve been very good friends with since childhood. I’ve never exactly had “feelings” for him (or anyone I guess), but I always just assumed we’d end up married since we connect so perfectly and I do enjoy his company a lot. I always told myself that I never exactly felt passionate enough about it to make the first move, at least at this point in my life, but if he did I’d be willing to see if we’d work romantically. None of this ever struck me as crazy until I heard rumours of him in a (sort of?) relationship with a girl from his school. I feel insane for placing so much of my future on him. A friend told me I sound ridiculous for saying I don’t have feelings, but then talking about how much we connect and how much I like him and wallahi she’s right. I just feel dumb and like I have no idea what I’m doing, and like I just screwed up something that could have been really special with my inaction. To make myself feel better, I tell myself there was nothing there, and that if there was then he would made a move or done something. Am I just dumb? Should I move on?
Yes, the fact he moved on first should have let you know – he does not feel the same way!
Stop putting your lives on hold wishing on star. At least date people and have the hope if the opportunity arises, you’ll go for it. Rather than having NO options and placing all your bets on one guy, who you aren’t even sure he likes you.
OR.
Make some moves! Flirt, see if he flirts back. Don’t just stare and hope he feels a connection back
Anon
3 years ago
Hi Sisters 💗
I just want to start off by saying I literally love you guys always giving the best advice. Needless to say, I definetely need some advice. I met the one person I thought I would spend the rest of my life, he was perfect in every way and it felt like our souls were made for each other, in other words my soulmate. However, due to a very complicated situation at the time we had to go our separate ways despite us both not wanting to leave each other at the time we had to. It’s been a good few months and I thought I could move on and shake this feeling off but I can’t that he is the one. We still somehow keep coming back to each other’s lives even though it’s not intentional on either side. I have tried to move on and get back to the annoying awkward dating scene but it’s just not it for me. I guess what I wanted to ask was, should I get a grip and legit move on or should I have faith that if it’s meant to be we will cross paths in the right timing. Because truth be told, he really was the right person, wrong timing sort of situation.
1) Go completely cold turkey and just move on. You’ll be happier eventually, and you’ll probably meet someone else – and you’ll forget about him.
2) Stay, make it work. Regardless of the right time not being now, there never is the right time – you guys just make a commitment to each other or you don’t.
Personally, if this was me I would let go. THIS HOPE STOPS YOU FROM STARTING THE HEALING PROCESS and keeps hurting you. Especially when you think that you can be back together one day and only work on yourself for that, you prevent yourself from healing for possibly a very long period of time or worse: he moves on before you. and trust me, you don’t want to be THAT girl who believes they are going to get back with their ex, only for you to see a picture of him getting married.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis! So I’m 23 going on 24 and I’ve never been in a relationship, like not even a HINT of one, and it’s been my biggest insecurity for years. I don’t see myself as beautiful or special and it’s hard to believe that anyone would want to marry me, so the fact no one has even ever been interested just adds fuel to the self-hate. I’m muslim so I’m at that age where literally every soul is getting married and I feel so left behind by my peers. It’s starting to really take a toll on me and I have a hard time admitting this/talking about it because it’s so embarrassing. Any advice on what to do to not get so emotional about this?
It might be unusual, but I don’t think it’s “weird” – and you shouldn’t feel like its weird either! Maybe you’re just selective. Maybe you’re not in a hurry. Maybe you’re concentrating on other things, like your education or career or whatever. Don’t compare yourself to other 24-year-olds. Believe me, millions of them shouldn’t be “in relationships.” or in marriages for that matter. Let it happen naturally. So much better that way when it does!
Anon
3 years ago
On average how many times a week should you be speaking to the guy you’re talking to otp, it’s my first relationship so I’m kind of new to all of this. Also should I call him first or should I wait for him to call?
imo I think it’s normal to text everyday or snap eachother, and maybe call every other day. It’s a bit weird if you don’t. Also don’t assume he should call you first, call him!
Anon
3 years ago
Girls, girls. Ok I’m a skinny 19F with no Titties and ass. I can’t lie everyone’s told me I’ll grow into them but I’m getting older and nothing there still. No medical reasons or anything. It’s only started to get to me because I’ve started going to a few parties and dresses just don’t look good on me loool. Any tips x
I’m telling you, you need to eat every few hours and hit the gym. Do weights, protein shakes. You will be surprised how quickly you’ll see results
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girl I dont really know how to read this situation. At work 2 guys came to provide a service but I was only there shortly. The next day only one of them comes and at the end he says his friend (the one who he was with the day before) likes me and told me to follow his business page so he can send me ig to his friend to follow him as he promised he’d do that for me. A day later and nothing? Have I been taken for eediat or do I just need to be patient? Also please dont share on Twitter or anything.
Omg these two are both neeks, how embarrassing 😭 he was probably talking about you to his friend so much he was like fuck it, I’ll approach her for you 🤣🤣🤣 and then he couldn’t even follow through??? Block him
Hello, I’m a 21 year old woman and looking to marry a 21 year old man. However as of right now, he isn’t financially stable as he is in university finishing off a degree and plans on working straight after.
The topic of living with in laws has flagged up a few times and when we first discussed it we realised we aren’t on the same page. I’ve never wanted to live with in laws and I still don’t. He wants his wife to live with his laws ideally forever. When I do bring up the fact I have my right to say no, he says that I can’t execute my right like that. His situation needs to be appreciated and that I understand, however I don’t think he has a unique situation that makes living with in laws a must. For example his reasons are :
– only son with one older sis and younger sis and he has an active role financially, emotionally etc.
– wants to retire his father
– both parents are older in age roughly 60 as of now
– don’t want them to feel lonely
– believes he won’t be able to financially take care of them and me if we move out and live in a rented place
– doesn’t believe us living close by will be the same as taking care
– he also says that he feels as if it will be disrespectful if he doesn’t at least make us try live with his parents as he knows it will make them happy (my point is why must I even have to try, I shouldn’t even be made to feel bad for simply wanting my own place)
I am aware that when you do live with in laws the wife should be granted a separate bedroom bathroom kitchen away from family members however this won’t be the case in his home as id only get a separate bedroom. I just need some outlook on this from other people, and if I’m being unfair. The compromise I was under is that once he is financially stable we then live together separately. Must I still have to live with in laws, I don’t see a problem of me living at home and once he is stable I can then live with him? And to clarify I am aware that me even visiting them taking care doing this is seen as ajar and the way I was brought up this will happen even if we don’t live together.
The fact is, because you both are not financially stable yet and you will probably be in the future- so if you guys want to get married now, you have NO choice but to live with your in laws.
Unless you have other options and he has refused, we can address that. But it sounds like you guys genuinely don’t.
I honestly think right now is not a good time for you guys. Mashallah he has made it clear he wants to look after his family and that’s an amazing thing. But I don’t think he can do that right now at his age, and also be a husband to you. If you guys were to get married, it would be so difficult and the Union between you two won’t be a priority. And that’s why I’m saying, maybe not now. You can get married, but it won’t be how you imagined it. And you won’t feel like a priority either when you should be.
Look you’re 21, you have all the time in the world to be a married woman. Go down that route when the stars align, not when you’re just forcing it to happen.
I don’t have any marriage potentials in my life and I’ve considered joining muzmatch or a similar site. I know I shouldn’t care what others think, but people routinely make fun of those “desperate enough” to use muslim dating apps and I feel like I’ve internalized it. I feel ashamed now to need one, and to not have just organically met someone. I don’t know what to do.
Sis, people will have something to say about anything you do. Literally, they see you getting married the halal way? They’ll have something to say. Don’t live your life according to what people say because they never have your best interest anyway. They just want to criticise.
Go on muzmatch and go find your mans
Hi guys,
I’m 20yrs old and I’ve never spoken to a boy romantically. I’ve never let a guy get to know me seriously because of my trust issues but I want to eventually get married and settle down. My friends always tell me they can’t imagine me in a relationship or married. Also I have had a lot of guy friends in the past and they have always seen me a friend/sister (which ovbs I loved & respected) but now I’m more worried that there is something everyone can see but myself that makes me undesirable and I guess I feel a bit insecure about this deep down. I question if there is anyone that has been interested in romantically or my looks or personality. Do I need to change to become more desirable to men?
Before you ask this, ask yourself: has there even been an opportunity for a man to approach you? Do you have a social media presence? Is it easy for someone to make a move? If not, focus on that then. Because the reality is, if there is no opportunity – it will never happen.
Dear Sisters,
I’m coming to the time where I should put in the effort into searching for a good husband. But honestly, I just can’t bring myself to even care. I’m fortunate enough to give myself things and opportunities without a man lol. That being said my family would really like me to marry from my culture, ethnic background. But the range of men are not it, most of them come from families where their mums baby them. They expect their women to be carved to perfection when they have zero to offer for themselves. Sad times.
You need to find that grey area between not trying at all, and trying so hard you force a (bad) relationship. You have to find the middle ground that you’re comfortable with. You don’t have to be actively searching, you just prepare yourself for anyone who would come into your life, much like you prepare your home for company coming over by cleaning and tidying up, but you continue to go out and live your life by living it instead of only going outside to ask everyone you meet if they’d like to come over. You keep your house ready until you meet someone that you really want to invite into your house and into your life if that makes sense?
There isn’t one magical formula. You just have to go out, get to know people. Or maybe get to know people online which seems to be like the new thing. You just have to change your attitude really
So there’s this guy I’ve been very good friends with since childhood. I’ve never exactly had “feelings” for him (or anyone I guess), but I always just assumed we’d end up married since we connect so perfectly and I do enjoy his company a lot. I always told myself that I never exactly felt passionate enough about it to make the first move, at least at this point in my life, but if he did I’d be willing to see if we’d work romantically. None of this ever struck me as crazy until I heard rumours of him in a (sort of?) relationship with a girl from his school. I feel insane for placing so much of my future on him. A friend told me I sound ridiculous for saying I don’t have feelings, but then talking about how much we connect and how much I like him and wallahi she’s right. I just feel dumb and like I have no idea what I’m doing, and like I just screwed up something that could have been really special with my inaction. To make myself feel better, I tell myself there was nothing there, and that if there was then he would made a move or done something. Am I just dumb? Should I move on?
Yes, the fact he moved on first should have let you know – he does not feel the same way!
Stop putting your lives on hold wishing on star. At least date people and have the hope if the opportunity arises, you’ll go for it. Rather than having NO options and placing all your bets on one guy, who you aren’t even sure he likes you.
OR.
Make some moves! Flirt, see if he flirts back. Don’t just stare and hope he feels a connection back
Hi Sisters 💗
I just want to start off by saying I literally love you guys always giving the best advice. Needless to say, I definetely need some advice. I met the one person I thought I would spend the rest of my life, he was perfect in every way and it felt like our souls were made for each other, in other words my soulmate. However, due to a very complicated situation at the time we had to go our separate ways despite us both not wanting to leave each other at the time we had to. It’s been a good few months and I thought I could move on and shake this feeling off but I can’t that he is the one. We still somehow keep coming back to each other’s lives even though it’s not intentional on either side. I have tried to move on and get back to the annoying awkward dating scene but it’s just not it for me. I guess what I wanted to ask was, should I get a grip and legit move on or should I have faith that if it’s meant to be we will cross paths in the right timing. Because truth be told, he really was the right person, wrong timing sort of situation.
You have only two options
1) Go completely cold turkey and just move on. You’ll be happier eventually, and you’ll probably meet someone else – and you’ll forget about him.
2) Stay, make it work. Regardless of the right time not being now, there never is the right time – you guys just make a commitment to each other or you don’t.
Personally, if this was me I would let go. THIS HOPE STOPS YOU FROM STARTING THE HEALING PROCESS and keeps hurting you. Especially when you think that you can be back together one day and only work on yourself for that, you prevent yourself from healing for possibly a very long period of time or worse: he moves on before you. and trust me, you don’t want to be THAT girl who believes they are going to get back with their ex, only for you to see a picture of him getting married.
Hey sis! So I’m 23 going on 24 and I’ve never been in a relationship, like not even a HINT of one, and it’s been my biggest insecurity for years. I don’t see myself as beautiful or special and it’s hard to believe that anyone would want to marry me, so the fact no one has even ever been interested just adds fuel to the self-hate. I’m muslim so I’m at that age where literally every soul is getting married and I feel so left behind by my peers. It’s starting to really take a toll on me and I have a hard time admitting this/talking about it because it’s so embarrassing. Any advice on what to do to not get so emotional about this?
It might be unusual, but I don’t think it’s “weird” – and you shouldn’t feel like its weird either! Maybe you’re just selective. Maybe you’re not in a hurry. Maybe you’re concentrating on other things, like your education or career or whatever. Don’t compare yourself to other 24-year-olds. Believe me, millions of them shouldn’t be “in relationships.” or in marriages for that matter. Let it happen naturally. So much better that way when it does!
On average how many times a week should you be speaking to the guy you’re talking to otp, it’s my first relationship so I’m kind of new to all of this. Also should I call him first or should I wait for him to call?
imo I think it’s normal to text everyday or snap eachother, and maybe call every other day. It’s a bit weird if you don’t. Also don’t assume he should call you first, call him!
Girls, girls. Ok I’m a skinny 19F with no Titties and ass. I can’t lie everyone’s told me I’ll grow into them but I’m getting older and nothing there still. No medical reasons or anything. It’s only started to get to me because I’ve started going to a few parties and dresses just don’t look good on me loool. Any tips x
I’m telling you, you need to eat every few hours and hit the gym. Do weights, protein shakes. You will be surprised how quickly you’ll see results
Hey girl I dont really know how to read this situation. At work 2 guys came to provide a service but I was only there shortly. The next day only one of them comes and at the end he says his friend (the one who he was with the day before) likes me and told me to follow his business page so he can send me ig to his friend to follow him as he promised he’d do that for me. A day later and nothing? Have I been taken for eediat or do I just need to be patient? Also please dont share on Twitter or anything.
Omg these two are both neeks, how embarrassing 😭 he was probably talking about you to his friend so much he was like fuck it, I’ll approach her for you 🤣🤣🤣 and then he couldn’t even follow through??? Block him