I’m 22 and I’m kind of at that stage where I kinda am ready to date around just to have fun tbh. I get approached by guys but I flirt for like two seconds and then end the convo and run and I never give my number out. The reason why I’m like this is because of this dumb ass xishood culture we have. Like I always think I’m being a hoe if I flirt and I ‘look’ like a hoe if a guy approaches me. What advice would you have for me?
I get you sis. But listen, people will call you a hoe if you’re too pretty and they assume everyone is going to approach you. People will call you a hoe because you go out to eat at nice restaurant too often. They will call you a hoe if you’re too curvy. The point is
YOU ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE A HOE TO SOMEBODY!
Also, who gives a fuck? Are you not meant to be married to a man someday? Do they expect you to be married to a woman?
Its contradictory, because how do people expect you to get there? No one knows what they are talking about honestly LOL. They call women hoes for even having halal sex when they’re married and in my head I’m like, DO YOU THINK YOU WERE BORN BECAUSE OF DUA???
You will get over-sexualised all the time, nothing you can do about it. We live in a fucked up society where women get policed all the time. You just have to get over it and do what you want.
Anon
3 years ago
I don’t know why but I sometimes get sudden impulses where j just want to break up w my man. I don’t feel an overwhelming love where I’m head over heels I just feel okay. I don’t know why. I know he loves me he spoils me. But it’s something within myself or maybe deep down I feel dissatisfied or underwhelmed or that I deserve better even though in his head I’m spoilt to me it’s bare minimum? I feel I might under appreciate him or I’m just idk I’ve been with him for a year sometimes I feel like I love him more Sometimes I would rather be single I don’t know what to do, today I started an argument just so I could potentially break up with him. Why am I self sabotaging when I know he is who I want to spend my life with ?
Maybe you just don’t want to be in a relationship right now, and that is okay – FOR YOU.
But what you’re doing to him is so unfair. He loves you and doesn’t deserve this treatment, especially because of how good he is to you. Maybe not being in a relationship with him might make you realise how good you had it. But anyway, for his sake, break up with him and be free.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls! So I love my man a lot because of his many great qualities. However he isn’t financially stable but he promises that he has goals and plans to work towards it. Until then he said that he will get finical help from his family to support us if necessary. Do you think it is smart for us to consider marriage in that case in order to make it halal?
No. Do you want to be dependent on your in laws for financial help? Because let me tell you, the second you guys argue and they get involved, they can cut you guys off and then what? Who gon pay that rent?
Don’t rely on other people for help. Even if they have good intentions to help, you don’t want to leave anything to chance. Because you don’t want to be bamboozled one day and left struggling. Also how long do you guys even know they are able to help you guys for? Have you seen the climate? Niggas are dying everyday b! Everything is soo expensive, everyone is struggling. It’s also unfair to depend so heavily on people during times like this.
So just wait until you guys can look after yourselves.
Anon
3 years ago
hey sis,
So I’ve been speaking to this guy for about 6 months now &I still don’t know where we are at. He’s told his friends about me and we’ve spoken about intentions but I’m honestly so confused. We speak otp near enough everyday and we talk on snap &insta but we haven’t seen each in about 3 months which I personally believe it’s too long. I’ve spoken to him about it &because we live far away from each other and that I work everyday and he works 7 days it’s really hard to find the time but shouldn’t be make effort to see me? Also one of his male work friends asked who he was on the phone to and he said his friend which i was so shocked at. He’s also 6 years older than me and I don’t want him to use that to his advantage. I’m honestly very very confused. I just feel like he’s not serious about me and I just don’t know what to do.
Girl if he lives in the same city as you and hasn’t seen you for 3 months? 90 days? Either he doesn’t like you enough or he has a girl.
Anon
3 years ago
Hello, I hope your well!
I guess I’m in a bit of a situation. I’m not in love with my husband, we are newly married. But looking at him angers me so much….I resent him to the point when he kisses me I feel sick to my stomach.
People always say you don’t know someone until you live with them. This man is lazy, I keep telling him, pick up after yourself, do this and that. He would be like okay, but you would have to keep reminding him.
I never realised how stingy with money he is, I think that’s the reason he disgusts me the most, I pay for my half for everything and plus more!!!!! Any activity, I would end up paying for it. I paid mostly everything that we got for the house. It just feels like an annoying roommate at this point.
I do not want kids with this man, I’m just so embarrassed that I fought for this man and I’m already planning to divorce him.
And oh yeah, he absolutely has no ambition. He wants to be in the same position for the rest of his life???? If you don’t want the best for yourself, I sure as hell can’t respect you.
What made you want to get married to him? Was he like this before, especially when it came to paying for dates and having zero ambition?
He knows what he’s doing, which is taking advantage of your kindness and patience. I don’t see how any woman can be attracted to a man she feels like she has to scold and parent into doing the most basic of tasks. A partner that respects and cares about you takes on equal duties without needing to be asked, and definitely without screaming back at you like a defiant teenager.
When it comes to paying half, it depends what his finances were before you got married. Because realistically, if he is not up – there’s going to have to be some sort of 50/50, especially if you live in London. Rent should be none of your business, but if you absolutely have to, only pay the council tax. Groceries you should pay for. But he needs to understand these are mainly his responsibilities not yours. And the fact he is so comfortably to take money from you is also concerning.
The question is: Do you want to STAY or do you have hope that this can work out?
If you are 100% put off him and there’s no going back. Say Alhamdulilah you don’t have kids for him. Cut your losses and go back home. And if you’re worried about what people will say, they will move onto something else very quickly – and at least you will be happy.
But if you have hope and are willing to make things work: You’ve got to talk to him and get your discontents out on the table.
That’s why I’m going to suggest counselling: a neutral referee who calls each of you on your shit is your best chance of communicating each other’s discontents to each other right now. Which is also the best prerequisites for an amicable divorce, if you decide to go that route.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey ladies,
Me and my fiancée are talking baby names and I realised he kept bringing up a certain name which I wasn’t keen on cause it sounds typical. I then realised it was the name of his younger sibling who passed at infancy. Am I being selfish for saying I don’t want to name my child this?
I’d have a really honest conversation with your husband. This sounds like it’s a way for him to deal with his grief, more than anything.
Is it about honouring his sibiling? There are many other ways to do that. Is he trying to savour a piece of them and memory? He needs to think about why he’s so set on using his name. Because honestly, this sounds like a short sided decision on his part. Is there a chance he’d settle with using it as a middle name, because that’s what middle names are for.
But wallahi have sabr for him man, unless you have lost a sibling you wouldn’t know what its like – or how much it would affect the family. Even babies who have passed at infancy leave a long lasting effect on the home. If you like the name and are not keen on it because it sounds typical, who cares? This probably won’t be your last child (inshallah), I honestly would do it to appease his heart. That is so sad man. Give him a hug girl
Anon
3 years ago
Hi 👋🏾
I have a dilemma I am 23 years old and I have talking to a 27 year old for like 6 months . I ended things blocked him everywhere because I felt like he was entertaining other girls . He once called me was like “ ughhhhh I am so in love “ it seemed like he just had a great conversation with someone else . It didn’t seem like he was saying it to me . When I said “what “he said he was talking to himself and changed the subject. I blocked him without exampling myself because honestly I don’t want to get hurt . Something is telling me he will hurt me . He keeps calling me from no caller ID for about a month now . I just keep ignoring because he had 6 months to make it more then a situationship . I truly believe it doesn’t take that long to know you want someone . I am in love with him but I don’t know what to say or do . I been hurt in the past and I just can’t go through it again . I want him to choose me over all the girls he is talking to. He is very handsome and tall I know he has a lot of girls that want him. Not talking to him hurts but I know hearing the truth will hurt more . Sometimes I think he is too good for me I know that’s not a good mindset but I have a hard time letting people in . I just need some advices I guess .
You’re absolutely right, if he liked you enough, if he rated you enough – he would have made this exclusive. And he would never be entertaining other bitches whilst saying “I love you”. Forget about the hurt for a second, remember the principle. He is actually very disrespectful, and he lacks honour. Lets pretend he did love you for a second, is this how he treats people he loves?
Honestly I think part of why he is calling you all the time is because he just likes the attention you give him. If he was serious, flowers and presents would be outside your yard. He would have written a letter, saying how he doesn’t want a situationship anymore – and that he wants to be your girl. Book beauty appointments in secret and just let you know to be there, send money to your account. But the best he can do is hound your line? Boy bye, clearly you don’t want this enough.
Not saying he has to buy your forgiveness, because let’s be real – most of this stuff you can do for yourself. But sometimes words are not enough my friend, you need to show me baby. And men don’t care about doing it through actions, but if they have to pay for it – oh they will care.
Anon
3 years ago
Heyy hope you are well
So basically I’ve been talking to guy nothing serious we just meet once or twice a month but we don’t talk everyday just here and then. He is very busy with work and earns good. But I’ve been kinda confused because he tells me he loves me and shit but I don’t understand how. He literally told he loved me after not long of speaking. I haven’t told him I love you back because it don’t feel real or the right time. And tbh I don’t even know if I truly proper like him because I liked him a lot at the beginning but that kinda faded because he is a very busy guy and doesn’t give me much attention. I don’t mind him not messaging me all the time because I’m not the kinda person that likes to text all time and I was under the impression we were talking on a casual basis. I’m just very concerned for him, the love he is feeling is not mutual and I don’t know where it is coming from I honestly think he is not okay coz shit ain’t making sense we literally barely talk. SoShould I tell him I don’t love him or should ask him if he has a concussion. You probably think im being dramatic but he told he loved me before he even met me which made me very uncomfortable
This guy doesn’t know what love is. He probably WANTS to love you, and by saying it – he thinks you’re gonna say it back. Infatuation is a thing. It’s really real and intense and very common at the start of relationships. It is also very commonly mistaken for love.
It could very well be innocent and immature. It could also be love bombing. Trust your gut and keep your guard up. You’re not even in an exclusive relationship at this point. Someone like this is bound to be incredibly insecure, and have problems with co-dependence.
He doesn’t prioritise you enough to love you so I’m surprised he even feels that way. Anyways, I feel like you should be upfront and tell him how that made you feel. Don’t expect him to take it well, but at least he should know.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi girls! I have no friends to tell this dilemma too cos I don’t want them to think I’m a hoe or anything so thank you so much for opening this page!
Soooo I met this guy when I was at an event and when I tell you his talk was smooooth I mean it was smooth. I had to leave so he got my number and I left. I later found out he was 33 and I’m 21 but honestly idc about the age gap because I just like flirting with him tbh and I like the attention he gives me loool (I know it sounds bad but I’m young anyway). The only problem is the shop he owns is in the same location my dads relatives work. He doesn’t know that but I’m worried my dads family will find out I’m talking to him ( I doubt that he will tell tho). Also, i do sometimes feel bad for letting him take me out and stuff because I know he’s trying to push his business and he sends money back home to his family but I mean he does drive a Benz so I’m guessing he’s okay with money? I just know it’s a fling and we just have mad sexual chemistry so do you think I should end it. Im just enjoying being wine and dined tbh by him and also this is the first guy I’ve ever spoken to.
If you don’t care about the age gap, whats the problem?
Also these concerns you’re having about your family finding out – it might not happen. This is all assumptions. As long as you don’t feel any pressure of any kind from HIS side, go with the flow. He wants to wine and dine you, so stop caring about whether he can or not. Clearly he is very financially stable and can afford to take you out to dinner. If what you see is good, let it be good. Don’t talk yourself out of it because you’re scared
Regarding the family stuff, cross that bridge when you come to it.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girls!
I’m getting married & I’ve realised people I haven’t spoken to in a years or that of people I’m cool with but not close with are coming back when they’ve realised I’m in a relationship. I know straight off the bat it’s cause they only want an invite. They’re not even happy about it. They’re envious but with their fake selves still want an invite? How do I go about this? I just ignore them but how can I say you’re not invited but in a friendly way?
I’ve heard a bit about this happening. I guess girls like to live vicariously through other people. They also want to pree, and ngl that can lead to evil eye – especially if they’re not happy for you.
I straight up wouldn’t invite them, just say invites are very limited and right now you guys are prioritising family. Simple
Hey girlsss!
I’m 22 and I’m kind of at that stage where I kinda am ready to date around just to have fun tbh. I get approached by guys but I flirt for like two seconds and then end the convo and run and I never give my number out. The reason why I’m like this is because of this dumb ass xishood culture we have. Like I always think I’m being a hoe if I flirt and I ‘look’ like a hoe if a guy approaches me. What advice would you have for me?
I get you sis. But listen, people will call you a hoe if you’re too pretty and they assume everyone is going to approach you. People will call you a hoe because you go out to eat at nice restaurant too often. They will call you a hoe if you’re too curvy. The point is
YOU ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE A HOE TO SOMEBODY!
Also, who gives a fuck? Are you not meant to be married to a man someday? Do they expect you to be married to a woman?
Its contradictory, because how do people expect you to get there? No one knows what they are talking about honestly LOL. They call women hoes for even having halal sex when they’re married and in my head I’m like, DO YOU THINK YOU WERE BORN BECAUSE OF DUA???
You will get over-sexualised all the time, nothing you can do about it. We live in a fucked up society where women get policed all the time. You just have to get over it and do what you want.
I don’t know why but I sometimes get sudden impulses where j just want to break up w my man. I don’t feel an overwhelming love where I’m head over heels I just feel okay. I don’t know why. I know he loves me he spoils me. But it’s something within myself or maybe deep down I feel dissatisfied or underwhelmed or that I deserve better even though in his head I’m spoilt to me it’s bare minimum? I feel I might under appreciate him or I’m just idk I’ve been with him for a year sometimes I feel like I love him more Sometimes I would rather be single I don’t know what to do, today I started an argument just so I could potentially break up with him. Why am I self sabotaging when I know he is who I want to spend my life with ?
Maybe you just don’t want to be in a relationship right now, and that is okay – FOR YOU.
But what you’re doing to him is so unfair. He loves you and doesn’t deserve this treatment, especially because of how good he is to you. Maybe not being in a relationship with him might make you realise how good you had it. But anyway, for his sake, break up with him and be free.
Hey girls! So I love my man a lot because of his many great qualities. However he isn’t financially stable but he promises that he has goals and plans to work towards it. Until then he said that he will get finical help from his family to support us if necessary. Do you think it is smart for us to consider marriage in that case in order to make it halal?
No. Do you want to be dependent on your in laws for financial help? Because let me tell you, the second you guys argue and they get involved, they can cut you guys off and then what? Who gon pay that rent?
Don’t rely on other people for help. Even if they have good intentions to help, you don’t want to leave anything to chance. Because you don’t want to be bamboozled one day and left struggling. Also how long do you guys even know they are able to help you guys for? Have you seen the climate? Niggas are dying everyday b! Everything is soo expensive, everyone is struggling. It’s also unfair to depend so heavily on people during times like this.
So just wait until you guys can look after yourselves.
hey sis,
So I’ve been speaking to this guy for about 6 months now &I still don’t know where we are at. He’s told his friends about me and we’ve spoken about intentions but I’m honestly so confused. We speak otp near enough everyday and we talk on snap &insta but we haven’t seen each in about 3 months which I personally believe it’s too long. I’ve spoken to him about it &because we live far away from each other and that I work everyday and he works 7 days it’s really hard to find the time but shouldn’t be make effort to see me? Also one of his male work friends asked who he was on the phone to and he said his friend which i was so shocked at. He’s also 6 years older than me and I don’t want him to use that to his advantage. I’m honestly very very confused. I just feel like he’s not serious about me and I just don’t know what to do.
Girl if he lives in the same city as you and hasn’t seen you for 3 months? 90 days? Either he doesn’t like you enough or he has a girl.
Hello, I hope your well!
I guess I’m in a bit of a situation. I’m not in love with my husband, we are newly married. But looking at him angers me so much….I resent him to the point when he kisses me I feel sick to my stomach.
People always say you don’t know someone until you live with them. This man is lazy, I keep telling him, pick up after yourself, do this and that. He would be like okay, but you would have to keep reminding him.
I never realised how stingy with money he is, I think that’s the reason he disgusts me the most, I pay for my half for everything and plus more!!!!! Any activity, I would end up paying for it. I paid mostly everything that we got for the house. It just feels like an annoying roommate at this point.
I do not want kids with this man, I’m just so embarrassed that I fought for this man and I’m already planning to divorce him.
And oh yeah, he absolutely has no ambition. He wants to be in the same position for the rest of his life???? If you don’t want the best for yourself, I sure as hell can’t respect you.
What made you want to get married to him? Was he like this before, especially when it came to paying for dates and having zero ambition?
He knows what he’s doing, which is taking advantage of your kindness and patience. I don’t see how any woman can be attracted to a man she feels like she has to scold and parent into doing the most basic of tasks. A partner that respects and cares about you takes on equal duties without needing to be asked, and definitely without screaming back at you like a defiant teenager.
When it comes to paying half, it depends what his finances were before you got married. Because realistically, if he is not up – there’s going to have to be some sort of 50/50, especially if you live in London. Rent should be none of your business, but if you absolutely have to, only pay the council tax. Groceries you should pay for. But he needs to understand these are mainly his responsibilities not yours. And the fact he is so comfortably to take money from you is also concerning.
The question is: Do you want to STAY or do you have hope that this can work out?
If you are 100% put off him and there’s no going back. Say Alhamdulilah you don’t have kids for him. Cut your losses and go back home. And if you’re worried about what people will say, they will move onto something else very quickly – and at least you will be happy.
But if you have hope and are willing to make things work: You’ve got to talk to him and get your discontents out on the table.
That’s why I’m going to suggest counselling: a neutral referee who calls each of you on your shit is your best chance of communicating each other’s discontents to each other right now. Which is also the best prerequisites for an amicable divorce, if you decide to go that route.
Hey ladies,
Me and my fiancée are talking baby names and I realised he kept bringing up a certain name which I wasn’t keen on cause it sounds typical. I then realised it was the name of his younger sibling who passed at infancy. Am I being selfish for saying I don’t want to name my child this?
I’d have a really honest conversation with your husband. This sounds like it’s a way for him to deal with his grief, more than anything.
Is it about honouring his sibiling? There are many other ways to do that. Is he trying to savour a piece of them and memory? He needs to think about why he’s so set on using his name. Because honestly, this sounds like a short sided decision on his part. Is there a chance he’d settle with using it as a middle name, because that’s what middle names are for.
But wallahi have sabr for him man, unless you have lost a sibling you wouldn’t know what its like – or how much it would affect the family. Even babies who have passed at infancy leave a long lasting effect on the home. If you like the name and are not keen on it because it sounds typical, who cares? This probably won’t be your last child (inshallah), I honestly would do it to appease his heart. That is so sad man. Give him a hug girl
Hi 👋🏾
I have a dilemma I am 23 years old and I have talking to a 27 year old for like 6 months . I ended things blocked him everywhere because I felt like he was entertaining other girls . He once called me was like “ ughhhhh I am so in love “ it seemed like he just had a great conversation with someone else . It didn’t seem like he was saying it to me . When I said “what “he said he was talking to himself and changed the subject. I blocked him without exampling myself because honestly I don’t want to get hurt . Something is telling me he will hurt me . He keeps calling me from no caller ID for about a month now . I just keep ignoring because he had 6 months to make it more then a situationship . I truly believe it doesn’t take that long to know you want someone . I am in love with him but I don’t know what to say or do . I been hurt in the past and I just can’t go through it again . I want him to choose me over all the girls he is talking to. He is very handsome and tall I know he has a lot of girls that want him. Not talking to him hurts but I know hearing the truth will hurt more . Sometimes I think he is too good for me I know that’s not a good mindset but I have a hard time letting people in . I just need some advices I guess .
Good for you for cutting him off.
You’re absolutely right, if he liked you enough, if he rated you enough – he would have made this exclusive. And he would never be entertaining other bitches whilst saying “I love you”. Forget about the hurt for a second, remember the principle. He is actually very disrespectful, and he lacks honour. Lets pretend he did love you for a second, is this how he treats people he loves?
Honestly I think part of why he is calling you all the time is because he just likes the attention you give him. If he was serious, flowers and presents would be outside your yard. He would have written a letter, saying how he doesn’t want a situationship anymore – and that he wants to be your girl. Book beauty appointments in secret and just let you know to be there, send money to your account. But the best he can do is hound your line? Boy bye, clearly you don’t want this enough.
Not saying he has to buy your forgiveness, because let’s be real – most of this stuff you can do for yourself. But sometimes words are not enough my friend, you need to show me baby. And men don’t care about doing it through actions, but if they have to pay for it – oh they will care.
Heyy hope you are well
So basically I’ve been talking to guy nothing serious we just meet once or twice a month but we don’t talk everyday just here and then. He is very busy with work and earns good. But I’ve been kinda confused because he tells me he loves me and shit but I don’t understand how. He literally told he loved me after not long of speaking. I haven’t told him I love you back because it don’t feel real or the right time. And tbh I don’t even know if I truly proper like him because I liked him a lot at the beginning but that kinda faded because he is a very busy guy and doesn’t give me much attention. I don’t mind him not messaging me all the time because I’m not the kinda person that likes to text all time and I was under the impression we were talking on a casual basis. I’m just very concerned for him, the love he is feeling is not mutual and I don’t know where it is coming from I honestly think he is not okay coz shit ain’t making sense we literally barely talk. SoShould I tell him I don’t love him or should ask him if he has a concussion. You probably think im being dramatic but he told he loved me before he even met me which made me very uncomfortable
This guy doesn’t know what love is. He probably WANTS to love you, and by saying it – he thinks you’re gonna say it back. Infatuation is a thing. It’s really real and intense and very common at the start of relationships. It is also very commonly mistaken for love.
It could very well be innocent and immature. It could also be love bombing. Trust your gut and keep your guard up. You’re not even in an exclusive relationship at this point. Someone like this is bound to be incredibly insecure, and have problems with co-dependence.
He doesn’t prioritise you enough to love you so I’m surprised he even feels that way. Anyways, I feel like you should be upfront and tell him how that made you feel. Don’t expect him to take it well, but at least he should know.
Hi girls! I have no friends to tell this dilemma too cos I don’t want them to think I’m a hoe or anything so thank you so much for opening this page!
Soooo I met this guy when I was at an event and when I tell you his talk was smooooth I mean it was smooth. I had to leave so he got my number and I left. I later found out he was 33 and I’m 21 but honestly idc about the age gap because I just like flirting with him tbh and I like the attention he gives me loool (I know it sounds bad but I’m young anyway). The only problem is the shop he owns is in the same location my dads relatives work. He doesn’t know that but I’m worried my dads family will find out I’m talking to him ( I doubt that he will tell tho). Also, i do sometimes feel bad for letting him take me out and stuff because I know he’s trying to push his business and he sends money back home to his family but I mean he does drive a Benz so I’m guessing he’s okay with money? I just know it’s a fling and we just have mad sexual chemistry so do you think I should end it. Im just enjoying being wine and dined tbh by him and also this is the first guy I’ve ever spoken to.
If you don’t care about the age gap, whats the problem?
Also these concerns you’re having about your family finding out – it might not happen. This is all assumptions. As long as you don’t feel any pressure of any kind from HIS side, go with the flow. He wants to wine and dine you, so stop caring about whether he can or not. Clearly he is very financially stable and can afford to take you out to dinner. If what you see is good, let it be good. Don’t talk yourself out of it because you’re scared
Regarding the family stuff, cross that bridge when you come to it.
Hey girls!
I’m getting married & I’ve realised people I haven’t spoken to in a years or that of people I’m cool with but not close with are coming back when they’ve realised I’m in a relationship. I know straight off the bat it’s cause they only want an invite. They’re not even happy about it. They’re envious but with their fake selves still want an invite? How do I go about this? I just ignore them but how can I say you’re not invited but in a friendly way?
I’ve heard a bit about this happening. I guess girls like to live vicariously through other people. They also want to pree, and ngl that can lead to evil eye – especially if they’re not happy for you.
I straight up wouldn’t invite them, just say invites are very limited and right now you guys are prioritising family. Simple