Heyyy hope ur doing good. So I’ve been talking to this boy for a while he has such an amazing personality but the issue is he speaks too sexual I like him more when he is not . Don’t get me wrong I love a freak but this Nigga is one nastyyyy person. I honestly believe he is just like that. Do you think this is a reason to stop talking??? He is very funny and down to earth which is what I like about. I don’t expect him to change the way he is because you should take ppl for the way they are. Another thing that kinda bothers me is that all his exes are not Somali, I am the first Somali girl he has proper spoken to, he calls me beautiful and stuff but I don’t believe him . I feel like he is one of those boys who are not into Somali girls. It’s just makes me question him like do you even really like me when all your exes everything but Somali like he clearly has a type and it ain’t Somali so what do you think ???
I would be annoyed too. This is very immature. Have a conversation with him, tell him you’re uncomfortable, set boundaries, and if he doesn’t change then leave him.
Also personally I’d prefer if someone I’m getting to know has no Somali exes, particularly because of how small the community is. And I’d find it weird if I know or my friend knows someone that my man has dated.
Anon
3 years ago
When I initially met him, he was so kind and caring. I saw a bright future with him. He was everything I was looking for in a partner. However, few years into the relationship things have taken a turn for the worst. I feel like I’ve invested too much time on him and have forgotten about myself. For example, after he graduated, I prepared his CV and spent hours applying for jobs. This is just an example. I have done a lot of things for him out of love and wanted him to be the best version of himself.
He has never shown appreciated me. I feel betrayed and used. He talks about marriage but that scares me. Do I want to settle with someone who doesn’t cater to my needs.
He is not romantic. I need to tell him how I want to be treated. To pay attention to me, set up dates, buy me flowers, and comfort me. All we do is fight all the time, and I’m sick of it. I’m turning into an angry person who is losing myself. I’m suicidal and depressed, and I wish I could say that walking away is simple. I’d appreciate it if you could give me some advice. Should I continue to work on this relationship or let it go?
This relationship has ran its course, and luckily for you- you don’t have to stick with him in the name of marriage.
Like you said he’s not romantic, in fact he is a leech. Get a grip and stop letting him suck you dry. He takes your time, emotions and all your resources – for what? And he is not even appreciative of that.
Wallahi singledom is not a scary place at all. You can date again, have fun and do your thing. You can get through the butterflies stages and the excitement of someone courting you. And you’ll be happier trust me. This thing though, is dead. Deader than dead
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis. I’ve been speaking to this guy for the past 2/3 months. We’ve met up twice but don’t want to do anymore because its not good meeting alone. (I don’t want to bring my bro cuz I’m not on good terms with him). I’m quite observant and there have been only green flags. He’s a gentleman, on his deen and we vibe 100% and are culturally very compatible. We are planning to get married once he gets a job (soon). It doesn’t seem like that long but we really do vibe that well so dw about that part. Only issue is because he has always been taught to not have girl friends/chat to girls, he doesn’t always communicate things with me till I get it out of him. He will not reply often and I will ask why but he won’t want to tell me (he says he wants to preserve what we have and I agree because it is special) but right now he hasn’t replied to my message in 2 days. So the options are to call him and ask/tell that it’s not nice to do that and what’s the reason for it and when he’s ready to approach my parents he can let me know cuz that’s very careless (see makes no sense lol) or when he replies just to air it. I want to enforce my boundaries that you can’t be doing that with me but I also don’t want to be rude because when it does go forward I don’t want to look mean. How can I go about this?
Honestly guys men who are very distant in general won’t listen to you when you nag. In fact they will convince you that you’re too clingy.
Lemme tell you how they will hear you. They listen through your actions (or lack-of). If he can go that many days of not talking to you, when he does pop up, keep saying you’re busy and you can’t talk right now.
Eventually he will find a way to reach out to you (make him wait a few days) and this is what you say
(Let’s say he asks if you’re upset)
“Hey, not upset but I don’t feel like I should have to tell someone how to communicate with me. So when you want to be serious, we can rehash then. For now I can see you have other priorities so focus on that”
Simple. And if he actually likes you, that will let him know he has to respect you and your time. Don’t even explain yourself after that. Wallahi people always respect you when you don’t tark too much
Last edited 3 years ago by Lulu
Anon
3 years ago
Hiya sis
I was in a relationship for a while and got married Alhamdulilah. I’m very happy but one thing I have in my mind
He has always told me he doesn’t want to share too many emotions before marriage in terms of feelings dej to religion (although he has definitely shown it and said some things as he knows how important it is fir me) but he doesn’t want to say ‘I love you’ until after marriage
I love him but won’t say it until he says it as I already let it slip months before we decided to get married.
How long do I wait before talking to him about that? And how to approach it the right way
Wait I’m confused at you guys married and he hasn’t said I love you yet?
If that’s the issue, wallahi love will come. For some people, it takes them longer to say I love you but it means that much more when they do! Because it’s genuine and it’s coming from the right place. And it actually means something.
Sometimes you also need to go through hardships for you to realise how much you love someone. Or even during your success, that can make you realise how much you love someone because deep down you know you couldn’t have done it without them.
Real relationships are not ones you see on TV. It’s different for everyone and some people move at a different pace. But if he is showing you that he can have the capacity to love you in the future and he is leaning towards that, you’re good man. Don’t worry
Anon
3 years ago
Hey I need some advice on this situation. At work I met these 2 guys who came to deliver a service and one was somali who briefly spoke to as I left early. The next day he asked his friend who came back to get my Instagram as he “liked me”. I gave my Instagram and he followed me. The thing is I accidentally declined his request but requested back so he knows it was an accident and followed back. Its been 4 days and he hasnt slid in my dms or anything? My account is very private so I dont want him just sitting in my followers for no reason. Should I make the first move or just unfollow him if he doesnt have the balls to dm🤣 ive posted multiple things on my story to pop up from and nothing. Like how you gonna seek me out then not do your ting ?
He will dm you when he dms you. Stop waiting on him as well because you’re getting yourself too invested already. Daddy chill
Keep posting stories and let’s see if he pops up (I think he will). He probably doesn’t want to seem to eager
Anon
3 years ago
Hey babe! I just wanted your outlook on something. I’ve recently been feeling very lonely and just lost. Like none of my relationships are fulfilling. I know that no one can make me happy or control my emotions but the friends that i’d use as a distraction have all got their own lives and their own relationships tk tend to so i’ve just been left in this dark lonely place and can’t seem to get out of it. Honestly feel like every bond i’ve bully over the years are fake and i’ve never shown my true self to anyone. All my friends would consider me their closest friend but i just don’t think i’ve built a relationship that has substance with anyone. My man doesn’t know me, my family don’t and my friends. I don’t know why but i’ve somehow built this facade that i show to others and i can’t seem to open up to anyone truly. Even when having deep conversations i genuinely feel like i’m doing some fake deepness and it’s so annoying. What can l do to improve this because i have genuine love for everyone but i just can’t reciprocate their relationship and share with them the way they feel comfortable with me.
Lockdown has gotten to you. When you have stayed in your house for far too long, the real world starts to feel really empty. Like you’re just this character in a game. Honestly some interactions don’t even feel real. But that’s why you got to snap out of it and force yourself out of this bubble. 3 weeks of spending your days outside your house with real people, doing real things – your life will start to feel normal again
Anon
3 years ago
Is sexual compatibility that big of a deal in a relationship. Like Is it a big deal or have people made it to be a big deal due to sexualised society.
It is as important as any element in a relationship. Just like how establishing an emotional connection is important. So in that regard I think It’s pretty critical especially for monogamous relationships.
Society is very sexualised yes and I would 100% agree that it has fucked up a lot of peoples attitudes towards intimacy. I think that there can be a lot of stigma about deciding on a relationship based on your sex life together. It’s a weird conversation but yeah if you’re monogamous, it’s the one activity you’re going to do with only that one person for possibly the rest of your life. So it’s really up to people to decide whether or not that element is important for them
Anon
3 years ago
I’ve been with my partner for 2 years as we got together really young. We’re very happy together and have grown a lot. Families are all aware so now we just need to prepare. He’s happy to pay all the bills and wants to also pay mahr upfront. He’s a very meticulous and well planned man so he said his plan is for us to get married 2023 or 2024 as he is also finishing his degree. But during him working a lot to get his funds up and focusing on uni I feel like our relationship has been put on the back burner. We rarely see each other now a days and Ofc I’m busy too but I feel like even though we’re preparing we’re also getting distant. I feel guilty because he’s so tired and his family depends on him too so I want to be as understanding as possible and not stress him out. I feel neglected but I don’t see any solution but to be patient. Studying and working full time is hard enough and he has acknowledged that he knows we’re getting distant but just to give him time. I guess I answered my own question but I just need an opinion. I don’t want this to set the tone of our marriage either because he is a very work focused man.
When you want to get married in the future, these are the kind of sacrifices you have to make. And it’s funny because you think as a couple, because you’re getting married it’ll make you closer. But I’m more inclined to believe planning a wedding can make you the most distant you’ve ever been with one another. Before I got engaged I literally used to see my husband every other day, but once it got to the planning – there was no time for anything. We were both so busy doing something. Sorting out halls, home, meeting families, there was so much going on. I think in those 3 months we only went on a date once 😭 and even that was a stretchhh
Mashallah your partner is working very hard for you and the future he wants to have as a married man. You just have to be comfortable with the fact that you might not be able to see each other all the time, or that you will have some very whirlwind, compressed emotions during the times you do spend together – and it’ll make things tense. But you just have to keep reminding each other what you’re doing this for.
This closeness that you’re seeking, Wallahi it will come. The second you get married, it will feel like the biggest sigh of relief. Stop seeing the negatives and fixating on it. Mashallah fr because he is taking his duties so seriously that he’s practicing patience because he will know you both will be better off once he’s financially stable. There are some men that will take you out of your house and yet offer you nothing. I like this guy. He has his prioritised in order
Anon
3 years ago
Hi ladies !
So my dilemma is I met a guy in August we have been talking ever since . At first he would call me talk to me for hours on the phone , would text me through the whole day. The First three months were just amazing then things started to go downhill from there. He is the oldest of his family. We didn’t talk or text as much as we did like once a month we talk or texts for hours then I don’t hear from him in a fat. He always talks about meeting , taking me on date. We live like 1 hour away from each other . He told me he never opened to anyone before like he did with me . I feel like he feels like he overshared and now taking a step back . I am someone needs reassures here and there . Sometimes if I don’t text him I don’t hear from his for days or hours . I feel like everyone is on there phone nowadays so I don’t know what to do or even think . I feel like it’s one sided. I am afraid if I tell him I need more from him he might step back .
He is slowly ghosting you without telling you (the little bitch)
Being ghosted isn’t a reflection of you btw. It’s a poor reflection of the person who ghosted you. You gotta just get back in the game and find someone else who isn’t a weirdo
And If you want to be smart, air him back. Even if he doesn’t want you, he definitely wants you to still ask about him, to wonder where he’s been. Because that fuels his ego. Air him !! Oh you wanna disappear? Okay. Don’t even bat a fucking eyelid.
Watch him pop up when he sees you looking pretty on your story 🤣 all men are the same I swear
Oh yeah and make sure you’re OUT 24/7. He probably thinks you’re at home waiting for him to call him. Sorry babe but the show must go on!! Once he sees you out, and not wondering where he is – he will do the most to try and get your attention back. And even then! Still air him. You can’t give second chances to men who are careless like that, because they will just kawalis you again for a second time
Anon
3 years ago
Hi sister 👋🏾
I love all the advices you give mashaAllah . You are very wise may Allah bless you in knowledge and health InshaAllah. So my dilemma is there is a guy who was my friend on Snapchat since like 2017 . He always watched my Snapchat story and never swiped up until early 2020 . He told me he was interested in me and that he liked me for the longest but was afraid I was gonna reject him. We started texting on Snapchat to talking on the phone every night . He is a say walahi which isn’t a problem because I was raised here as well . We talked for a few months up until November that’s when things started to go downhill . I am 21 and he is 25 . He started talking down on me saying things like “you need to lose weight “ I really like you but you need to get thinner . He even went as far as saying “I am lazy and want to stay at home when I get married and that didn’t sit right with him “ We had a conversation about this and he apologized for it . We talked about marriage and everything . He always talks about sex and how important it is . He says things like “ I want to have sex 5 times a day “ a lot of things he says gives me the ick not to mention I am still not over the comments he made my body . He is suppose to meet my family in one month but I am having a lot of second thoughts . He tells me that he loves me and can’t wait to build a life with me . He spoils me a lot buys me gifts. I feel like he is doing all this because he knows I am still made about the comments he made about my body . He once said as a joke “you won’t change your mind about us last minute right ?” I even thought about just ghosting him all together and never speaking to him again . I want to be with him but not like this or right now I want things to change and I don’t think he can change how he thinks about certain things . I don’t think my family would accept him . Walahi I don’t know sister I am getting even more confused by the day .
I am going to be so harsh with you, but someone needs to tell you.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING SIS????
He is showing you red flag after red flag and you still want to marry him???? WHY??? Whatever husband or marriage you think you’re going to get, you’re delusional. He is a dusty misogynist who spends his time lowering your self esteem so he can mould you into the woman he wants. He doesn’t want a partner, he wants housekeeper he can fuck on demand. Someone who is always visually attractive to him because that’s all he cares about. He doesn’t care about you, or who you actually are. I can already tell he watches sex too much. Let him see you have saggy boobs or a single stretch mark, he will absolutely destroy your confidence. And then just wait until you get pregnant and gain weight. After he destroys your confidence for the 100th time, he will probably cheat on you whilst you are slaving away being a mother to his kids.
It sounds to me like he’s testing the waters on how easy you are to control and manipulate. He’s trying to figure out what you’ll tolerate and how far he’ll be able to take abusing you. I honestly think he doesn’t see you as a person but more of an object for his own personal gain. Because of this, I don’t think you will be able to say anything to change his mind. He is showing you the tip of the iceberg in regards to how toxic he is. Please reconsider this relationship. You don’t deserve to ever be treated like this, especially by a partner who is supposed to love and care about you.
You need to work on your self worth as well. I understand women find it hard to break up with toxic partners, and a common reason seems to be that people don’t like being alone and find it hard to adjust to life without someone they’re used to relying on. Yes, you’re probably going to cry everyday. It will be fucking depressing but guess what, you’ll get over it.
But shall I tell you what will be worse? Getting married, being trapped, getting pregnant, and then he leaves you anyway.
When you delay the inevitable, the inevitable will only get worse tenfold.
He asked you to lose weight. You do exactly that by dropping him.
Heyyy hope ur doing good. So I’ve been talking to this boy for a while he has such an amazing personality but the issue is he speaks too sexual I like him more when he is not . Don’t get me wrong I love a freak but this Nigga is one nastyyyy person. I honestly believe he is just like that. Do you think this is a reason to stop talking??? He is very funny and down to earth which is what I like about. I don’t expect him to change the way he is because you should take ppl for the way they are. Another thing that kinda bothers me is that all his exes are not Somali, I am the first Somali girl he has proper spoken to, he calls me beautiful and stuff but I don’t believe him . I feel like he is one of those boys who are not into Somali girls. It’s just makes me question him like do you even really like me when all your exes everything but Somali like he clearly has a type and it ain’t Somali so what do you think ???
I would be annoyed too. This is very immature. Have a conversation with him, tell him you’re uncomfortable, set boundaries, and if he doesn’t change then leave him.
Also personally I’d prefer if someone I’m getting to know has no Somali exes, particularly because of how small the community is. And I’d find it weird if I know or my friend knows someone that my man has dated.
When I initially met him, he was so kind and caring. I saw a bright future with him. He was everything I was looking for in a partner. However, few years into the relationship things have taken a turn for the worst. I feel like I’ve invested too much time on him and have forgotten about myself. For example, after he graduated, I prepared his CV and spent hours applying for jobs. This is just an example. I have done a lot of things for him out of love and wanted him to be the best version of himself.
He has never shown appreciated me. I feel betrayed and used. He talks about marriage but that scares me. Do I want to settle with someone who doesn’t cater to my needs.
He is not romantic. I need to tell him how I want to be treated. To pay attention to me, set up dates, buy me flowers, and comfort me. All we do is fight all the time, and I’m sick of it. I’m turning into an angry person who is losing myself. I’m suicidal and depressed, and I wish I could say that walking away is simple. I’d appreciate it if you could give me some advice. Should I continue to work on this relationship or let it go?
Say Alhamdulilah you’re not married.
This relationship has ran its course, and luckily for you- you don’t have to stick with him in the name of marriage.
Like you said he’s not romantic, in fact he is a leech. Get a grip and stop letting him suck you dry. He takes your time, emotions and all your resources – for what? And he is not even appreciative of that.
Wallahi singledom is not a scary place at all. You can date again, have fun and do your thing. You can get through the butterflies stages and the excitement of someone courting you. And you’ll be happier trust me. This thing though, is dead. Deader than dead
Hey sis. I’ve been speaking to this guy for the past 2/3 months. We’ve met up twice but don’t want to do anymore because its not good meeting alone. (I don’t want to bring my bro cuz I’m not on good terms with him). I’m quite observant and there have been only green flags. He’s a gentleman, on his deen and we vibe 100% and are culturally very compatible. We are planning to get married once he gets a job (soon). It doesn’t seem like that long but we really do vibe that well so dw about that part. Only issue is because he has always been taught to not have girl friends/chat to girls, he doesn’t always communicate things with me till I get it out of him. He will not reply often and I will ask why but he won’t want to tell me (he says he wants to preserve what we have and I agree because it is special) but right now he hasn’t replied to my message in 2 days. So the options are to call him and ask/tell that it’s not nice to do that and what’s the reason for it and when he’s ready to approach my parents he can let me know cuz that’s very careless (see makes no sense lol) or when he replies just to air it. I want to enforce my boundaries that you can’t be doing that with me but I also don’t want to be rude because when it does go forward I don’t want to look mean. How can I go about this?
This is how you enforce your boundaries:
Don’t message him at all
Honestly guys men who are very distant in general won’t listen to you when you nag. In fact they will convince you that you’re too clingy.
Lemme tell you how they will hear you. They listen through your actions (or lack-of). If he can go that many days of not talking to you, when he does pop up, keep saying you’re busy and you can’t talk right now.
Eventually he will find a way to reach out to you (make him wait a few days) and this is what you say
(Let’s say he asks if you’re upset)
“Hey, not upset but I don’t feel like I should have to tell someone how to communicate with me. So when you want to be serious, we can rehash then. For now I can see you have other priorities so focus on that”
Simple. And if he actually likes you, that will let him know he has to respect you and your time. Don’t even explain yourself after that. Wallahi people always respect you when you don’t tark too much
Hiya sis
I was in a relationship for a while and got married Alhamdulilah. I’m very happy but one thing I have in my mind
He has always told me he doesn’t want to share too many emotions before marriage in terms of feelings dej to religion (although he has definitely shown it and said some things as he knows how important it is fir me) but he doesn’t want to say ‘I love you’ until after marriage
I love him but won’t say it until he says it as I already let it slip months before we decided to get married.
How long do I wait before talking to him about that? And how to approach it the right way
Wait I’m confused at you guys married and he hasn’t said I love you yet?
If that’s the issue, wallahi love will come. For some people, it takes them longer to say I love you but it means that much more when they do! Because it’s genuine and it’s coming from the right place. And it actually means something.
Sometimes you also need to go through hardships for you to realise how much you love someone. Or even during your success, that can make you realise how much you love someone because deep down you know you couldn’t have done it without them.
Real relationships are not ones you see on TV. It’s different for everyone and some people move at a different pace. But if he is showing you that he can have the capacity to love you in the future and he is leaning towards that, you’re good man. Don’t worry
Hey I need some advice on this situation. At work I met these 2 guys who came to deliver a service and one was somali who briefly spoke to as I left early. The next day he asked his friend who came back to get my Instagram as he “liked me”. I gave my Instagram and he followed me. The thing is I accidentally declined his request but requested back so he knows it was an accident and followed back. Its been 4 days and he hasnt slid in my dms or anything? My account is very private so I dont want him just sitting in my followers for no reason. Should I make the first move or just unfollow him if he doesnt have the balls to dm🤣 ive posted multiple things on my story to pop up from and nothing. Like how you gonna seek me out then not do your ting ?
Chill.
He will dm you when he dms you. Stop waiting on him as well because you’re getting yourself too invested already. Daddy chill
Keep posting stories and let’s see if he pops up (I think he will). He probably doesn’t want to seem to eager
Hey babe! I just wanted your outlook on something. I’ve recently been feeling very lonely and just lost. Like none of my relationships are fulfilling. I know that no one can make me happy or control my emotions but the friends that i’d use as a distraction have all got their own lives and their own relationships tk tend to so i’ve just been left in this dark lonely place and can’t seem to get out of it. Honestly feel like every bond i’ve bully over the years are fake and i’ve never shown my true self to anyone. All my friends would consider me their closest friend but i just don’t think i’ve built a relationship that has substance with anyone. My man doesn’t know me, my family don’t and my friends. I don’t know why but i’ve somehow built this facade that i show to others and i can’t seem to open up to anyone truly. Even when having deep conversations i genuinely feel like i’m doing some fake deepness and it’s so annoying. What can l do to improve this because i have genuine love for everyone but i just can’t reciprocate their relationship and share with them the way they feel comfortable with me.
Lockdown has gotten to you. When you have stayed in your house for far too long, the real world starts to feel really empty. Like you’re just this character in a game. Honestly some interactions don’t even feel real. But that’s why you got to snap out of it and force yourself out of this bubble. 3 weeks of spending your days outside your house with real people, doing real things – your life will start to feel normal again
Is sexual compatibility that big of a deal in a relationship. Like Is it a big deal or have people made it to be a big deal due to sexualised society.
It is as important as any element in a relationship. Just like how establishing an emotional connection is important. So in that regard I think It’s pretty critical especially for monogamous relationships.
Society is very sexualised yes and I would 100% agree that it has fucked up a lot of peoples attitudes towards intimacy. I think that there can be a lot of stigma about deciding on a relationship based on your sex life together. It’s a weird conversation but yeah if you’re monogamous, it’s the one activity you’re going to do with only that one person for possibly the rest of your life. So it’s really up to people to decide whether or not that element is important for them
I’ve been with my partner for 2 years as we got together really young. We’re very happy together and have grown a lot. Families are all aware so now we just need to prepare. He’s happy to pay all the bills and wants to also pay mahr upfront. He’s a very meticulous and well planned man so he said his plan is for us to get married 2023 or 2024 as he is also finishing his degree. But during him working a lot to get his funds up and focusing on uni I feel like our relationship has been put on the back burner. We rarely see each other now a days and Ofc I’m busy too but I feel like even though we’re preparing we’re also getting distant. I feel guilty because he’s so tired and his family depends on him too so I want to be as understanding as possible and not stress him out. I feel neglected but I don’t see any solution but to be patient. Studying and working full time is hard enough and he has acknowledged that he knows we’re getting distant but just to give him time. I guess I answered my own question but I just need an opinion. I don’t want this to set the tone of our marriage either because he is a very work focused man.
When you want to get married in the future, these are the kind of sacrifices you have to make. And it’s funny because you think as a couple, because you’re getting married it’ll make you closer. But I’m more inclined to believe planning a wedding can make you the most distant you’ve ever been with one another. Before I got engaged I literally used to see my husband every other day, but once it got to the planning – there was no time for anything. We were both so busy doing something. Sorting out halls, home, meeting families, there was so much going on. I think in those 3 months we only went on a date once 😭 and even that was a stretchhh
Mashallah your partner is working very hard for you and the future he wants to have as a married man. You just have to be comfortable with the fact that you might not be able to see each other all the time, or that you will have some very whirlwind, compressed emotions during the times you do spend together – and it’ll make things tense. But you just have to keep reminding each other what you’re doing this for.
This closeness that you’re seeking, Wallahi it will come. The second you get married, it will feel like the biggest sigh of relief. Stop seeing the negatives and fixating on it. Mashallah fr because he is taking his duties so seriously that he’s practicing patience because he will know you both will be better off once he’s financially stable. There are some men that will take you out of your house and yet offer you nothing. I like this guy. He has his prioritised in order
Hi ladies !
So my dilemma is I met a guy in August we have been talking ever since . At first he would call me talk to me for hours on the phone , would text me through the whole day. The First three months were just amazing then things started to go downhill from there. He is the oldest of his family. We didn’t talk or text as much as we did like once a month we talk or texts for hours then I don’t hear from him in a fat. He always talks about meeting , taking me on date. We live like 1 hour away from each other . He told me he never opened to anyone before like he did with me . I feel like he feels like he overshared and now taking a step back . I am someone needs reassures here and there . Sometimes if I don’t text him I don’t hear from his for days or hours . I feel like everyone is on there phone nowadays so I don’t know what to do or even think . I feel like it’s one sided. I am afraid if I tell him I need more from him he might step back .
Just have to charge it to the game my friend
He is slowly ghosting you without telling you (the little bitch)
Being ghosted isn’t a reflection of you btw. It’s a poor reflection of the person who ghosted you. You gotta just get back in the game and find someone else who isn’t a weirdo
And If you want to be smart, air him back. Even if he doesn’t want you, he definitely wants you to still ask about him, to wonder where he’s been. Because that fuels his ego. Air him !! Oh you wanna disappear? Okay. Don’t even bat a fucking eyelid.
Watch him pop up when he sees you looking pretty on your story 🤣 all men are the same I swear
Oh yeah and make sure you’re OUT 24/7. He probably thinks you’re at home waiting for him to call him. Sorry babe but the show must go on!! Once he sees you out, and not wondering where he is – he will do the most to try and get your attention back. And even then! Still air him. You can’t give second chances to men who are careless like that, because they will just kawalis you again for a second time
Hi sister 👋🏾
I love all the advices you give mashaAllah . You are very wise may Allah bless you in knowledge and health InshaAllah. So my dilemma is there is a guy who was my friend on Snapchat since like 2017 . He always watched my Snapchat story and never swiped up until early 2020 . He told me he was interested in me and that he liked me for the longest but was afraid I was gonna reject him. We started texting on Snapchat to talking on the phone every night . He is a say walahi which isn’t a problem because I was raised here as well . We talked for a few months up until November that’s when things started to go downhill . I am 21 and he is 25 . He started talking down on me saying things like “you need to lose weight “ I really like you but you need to get thinner . He even went as far as saying “I am lazy and want to stay at home when I get married and that didn’t sit right with him “ We had a conversation about this and he apologized for it . We talked about marriage and everything . He always talks about sex and how important it is . He says things like “ I want to have sex 5 times a day “ a lot of things he says gives me the ick not to mention I am still not over the comments he made my body . He is suppose to meet my family in one month but I am having a lot of second thoughts . He tells me that he loves me and can’t wait to build a life with me . He spoils me a lot buys me gifts. I feel like he is doing all this because he knows I am still made about the comments he made about my body . He once said as a joke “you won’t change your mind about us last minute right ?” I even thought about just ghosting him all together and never speaking to him again . I want to be with him but not like this or right now I want things to change and I don’t think he can change how he thinks about certain things . I don’t think my family would accept him . Walahi I don’t know sister I am getting even more confused by the day .
I am going to be so harsh with you, but someone needs to tell you.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING SIS????
He is showing you red flag after red flag and you still want to marry him???? WHY??? Whatever husband or marriage you think you’re going to get, you’re delusional. He is a dusty misogynist who spends his time lowering your self esteem so he can mould you into the woman he wants. He doesn’t want a partner, he wants housekeeper he can fuck on demand. Someone who is always visually attractive to him because that’s all he cares about. He doesn’t care about you, or who you actually are. I can already tell he watches sex too much. Let him see you have saggy boobs or a single stretch mark, he will absolutely destroy your confidence. And then just wait until you get pregnant and gain weight. After he destroys your confidence for the 100th time, he will probably cheat on you whilst you are slaving away being a mother to his kids.
It sounds to me like he’s testing the waters on how easy you are to control and manipulate. He’s trying to figure out what you’ll tolerate and how far he’ll be able to take abusing you. I honestly think he doesn’t see you as a person but more of an object for his own personal gain. Because of this, I don’t think you will be able to say anything to change his mind. He is showing you the tip of the iceberg in regards to how toxic he is. Please reconsider this relationship. You don’t deserve to ever be treated like this, especially by a partner who is supposed to love and care about you.
You need to work on your self worth as well. I understand women find it hard to break up with toxic partners, and a common reason seems to be that people don’t like being alone and find it hard to adjust to life without someone they’re used to relying on. Yes, you’re probably going to cry everyday. It will be fucking depressing but guess what, you’ll get over it.
But shall I tell you what will be worse? Getting married, being trapped, getting pregnant, and then he leaves you anyway.
When you delay the inevitable, the inevitable will only get worse tenfold.
He asked you to lose weight. You do exactly that by dropping him.