Hey Lula,
I’ve been meaning to send you my little weirdish dilemma. So my friends have been pushing me to get to know this guy. I can’t lie, everything they told me about him ticked my boxes before we even started talking. Deen is a major factor I always look out for and Allahooma barik the girls did say he was a good brother. HOWEVER! I did not know to what extent. Anyways, my friend finally gave me his number and I hollared him respectfully. We spoke briefly for about a day… a day Lula! And he asked if I could add a muhrim to the chat to keep things ‘Halal’. Lula am I crazy for finding him extremely weird now, or do I need Qur’aan saar 😫 My girls are encouraging me to go for it but I just………… This is all just so awkward and weird for me. Help.
Listen I’m not very familiar with this kind of dating where it includes the mahrams I’ll be real 😭 maybe he wants to make his intentions known with you and that’s a good thing. But still a bit strange
Anon
3 years ago
Sister who is struggling getting into medicine,nursing,opth,pharm don’t be upset honestly- there will be way !!!!
1st- make sure you grind your hardest from now till exam. Don’t forget to make dua along the way and pray.
2. Stay ready during clearing/upgrades when I tell u there will spaces in top unis and middle uni for nursing,op, nutrition,pharm
Don’t stress to be honest- GET YOUR GRADE and focus on that. Results are key !!! I’m telling its the key to any uni u want specially during summer time !!!!!!!!!!!!!! People won’t make the mark and spaces will always be reserved for clearing/upgrades
Trust in Allah swt and his capabilities
To the sister who is going on 24 and never been in a relationship, please don’t worry about it. I was you once upon a time and one of my biggest regrets is how much time I wasted forcing relationships or just agonizing over it.
As someone in their 30s (married with children alhamdullilah), if I could give advice to my 24 year old self it would be to enjoy life!
Inshallah marriage will come but I promise you it is not the fairytale that it looks like. Don’t get me wrong, it is good but so often we forget to highlight how good being single is too.
This is a time in your life where you should have disposable income and no responsibilities. Sis go out with your friends, go travel, spend time being 100% selfish. The rest will come inshallah.
I’ve been waiting for someone to give a similar opinion.
It’s so true, girls give too much of their very valuable time getting ready for marriage and seeking those relationships. When you can have so much fun being single and being selfish!
It’s not even about dating other people. But there’s a freedom about being individual. You can do what you want. This is exactly why it took me so long to get married.
Growing up I was around a lot of married women and the single best advice they said to me was: a lot of wives look back at their old lives and wish they had been more patient. And did more things, went to more places. Honestly that was all I needed to know and it’s why I only got married once I really really got to live my selfish life.
To the girl who asked what to expect after 4/5 months of talking, I wanted to offer a different perspective.
You can 100% have marriage talks after 4/5 months of talking. Especially if you guys are talking everyday and you are not interested in getting to know someone for the sake of knowing someone. I would call it “dating/talking” with intention.
This is especially valid if you are in your mid-20s or older. You don’t have to be getting married tomorrow but there is nothing wrong with establishing the timeline you would like to get married in, asking serious questions to establish if he is the guy you want to marry, and discussing what you envision the wedding and marriage to look like.
You may find that you guys are on totally different pages and rather than drag it out for another 6 months, you will be happy to cut your losses early.
Or you will find that everything aligns and won’t it be beautiful to then feel at peace that you are both picturing the same future?
Just my 2 cents as someone who met and married her husband within 6 months (Alhamdullilah). Sometimes the process doesn’t have to be so complicated.
I like this perspective, and it’s true. Some things work for other people and Alhamdulilah it’s worked out very well for you guys 🥺
Thank you!
Anon
3 years ago
Need your advice on how to deal with husband who gets extremely angry (from petty things not even deep situations) and calls me names ect – basically is not kind at all. Its really getting to me feel like i am on eggshells, try not to piss him off idk what to do. btw i am newly married dating for over a year did not see this extent of his personality before
His reaction is completely disproportionate to what has happened. Yes, he’s allowed to have feelings. No, that shouldn’t involve aggressive physical displays, shouting and swearing and stomping around. You should certainly not have to put up with this or feel afraid in the presence of your partner.
There will be times in life that you’re more vulnerable, or possibly caring for children, and how in earth is he going to deal with the million small issues that may come up then?
Trust your gut, trust your instincts, this is not right. Honestly if I was you, I’d stack up on contraception and I’d get my fuck off funds ready.
You are not he’s emotional punching bag. This guy obviously has a problem and It only gets worse with age and time. Right now this is just a preview to how far he can really go. Don’t wait around for him to show you the real deal
Go for it sis! I got married from muzmatch and best decision I made. And I’ve seen so many other people speak about success from it. People casually use dating apps and we shouldn’t be ashamed.
Awwww yes I LOVE STORIES LIKE THIS! honestly I think muzmatch is very practical for people who don’t usually go out but want to meet people. Obviously you are gonna find dogs on there but you’ll find dogs in real life too. I’ve heard so many success stories from meeting people online and I feel like it can definitely be a good thing when used properly
Anon
3 years ago
Salam sisters!
I had a weird experience today and I want to know if this makes me a fake person. There is a girl at school who is the president of our uni MSA. She enables racism, sexism, etc. and never calls out harm when it occurs – she will instead wait until after and apologize in private which, as someone who also holds leadership positions, I think is inappropriate. While I know there are systems behind that might make it hard for women to speak up in spaces that hold a lot of misogyny, you are still a leader and should act as such. Anyway, I tell people this all the time – that I do not like her because of this but have never actually interacted with her.
A few days ago, it was an old friend’s birthday dinner and since it had been so long since I had seen my friends, I decided to go. Lo and behold, this MSA girl shows up and is apparently also good friends with my friends. I spend the entire evening being friendly with her but I was taken off-guard by her showing up. I always told people that I wanted to talk to her about her leadership style as someone who is in a similar position, but I am very non-confrontational (even if it is not confrontation). After she left, I spilled all of the beans to my friends and they all seemed to agree with be but since it was a friend’s party, I did not think it was a good idea to have that sort of conversation – when, in reality, it has nothing to do directly with me.
I have nothing against this girl as a person, but I am critical of her role as a leader and representative of Muslim students at uni. Does this make me fake and two-faced?
Now what in the name of first lockdown 2020 scandal is THIS 🤣
I am going to be honest with you: in this situation, you have been two-faced and fake. When you feel this level of resentment towards someone you have only two options:
1. Confront them about said issue, and give everyone a chance to explain their behaviour. You then decide what you want to do with the answer
2. Or just shut up
You have accused her of a big thing here and you haven’t confronted her once, that says a lot about YOU. You can’t walk around just accusing people of enabling and sympathising with abusers. Even if she is all the things you have said about her, you must give people an opportunity to explain themselves and possibly to right a wrong. Otherwise you have to admit: you’re not looking a resolution, you’re just chatting for the sake of it.
But also confronting her does give you an opportunity to realise maybe you’re the one that’s wrong here. Can you imagine accusing her of all these things and you actually find out it was never true? But no, instead you’re just accusing her straight up, spreading whispers whilst she’s not paying attention at dinner and spreading an agenda to the rest of your friends. That is WRONG. And it’s fucking nasty too.
Also, why are you even surprised? Women in general are too scared to speak up! And we all know why so let’s not pretend here. You see her as someone that’s in a leadership role and that is why you feel so differently and you can’t extend her some grace. But girl this is UNI not a Fortune 500 company my goodness, give her a break. She is not the big boss lady you think she is. Maybe she is scared herself, you can’t expect people on the same level as you to speak up- have you spoken up?? You’re exactly the same as her. Forget assault and abuse, which we can all agree is very hard to talk about- but you, you can’t even build up the courage to confront her 🤣The lack of self awareness here is astounding. ITS CRAZY
And on top of this, you have never even spoken to her before!!! Even on a friendship level, she’s practically a stranger to you. How do you even think this judgement you have of her is just? Especially when it’s based on hearsay!! Wallahi you need to be very careful with how you interpret and internalise information. You know herd mentality? This is you right now. You need to start thinking for yourself.
Honestly the longer I get into this, the more disappointing it is to read. Wallahi you are so so wrong here. So wrong. You say you have nothing against this girl but you DO. Because how can you justify this treatment towards her? You don’t even know what’s going on. Whoever doesn’t like this girl and has told you stuff is using you. You’re a puppet. Why couldn’t these people confront her themselves? Because they know what they’re saying is mad 😭 so they get people like you who are easily manipulated to spread crazy agendas on their behalf. Be a little smarter
On another note, I feel like some of these societies just bring out the worst in each other. You guys are really going for the jugular here.
Cut her some slack and direct your anger to the real problem. Stop looking for an easier target to hold smoke. And another thing, if you are someone who is more likely to develop herd mentality- step back from your friends abit. And hold them accountable. Stop engaging with backbiting and stop accusing people when you literally have zero proof.
I don’t want to be mean but fix up. Seriously. Because let me tell you something: once these girls find a new target to spew hatred towards, watch out because it might very well be you.
Anon
3 years ago
babe how many entries do you get daily approx? loving the platform!💕
And around 10 a day, 15-20 if we’re getting a lot of traffic that day. So you can imagine the build up if we don’t answer for one day 😭😭
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis,
So I’m 22(F) and I’m worried I might never get married. Uni’s ending soon so theres no chance of meeting someone there. I have socials but no posts apart from dp. I have one friend so again no chance of mutuals. I want to start posting but I don’t know if I should do it solely to be approached or else how else can it happen? If I start posting… do I go public or private? How are men supposed to find me if theres no mutuals especially on insta? I’m just not sure on how to navigate this
Who knows, maybe you’ll get married to a 6 figure nigga at 31 years old? Don’t write yourself off at 22 just because you couldn’t find someone in uni. In fact, be grateful you haven’t met someone in university. Men don’t have their shit together in university, so if you want a husband husband you’re gonna have to wait a bit.
Start posting, start going out and let’s see then. But don’t think you’ll never get married because you haven’t found somebody in uni 🤣🤣🤣🤣 GIRL I probably made 5 friends in uni forget a man 😭 People generalise and say university is where you are going to meet people who will be in the rest of your life. Nope. Sometimes Uni is just uni. Nothing more nothing less
Anon
3 years ago
Hey hunnn….
so basically, theres this guy I work with and we both work part time there. I’m in my last year of uni and he graduated last year so he’s still figuring out what to do in life. I’m really attracted to him and I think he is too or maybe I’m just clueless when it comes to this stuff. One of my reasons why I think he feels the same is if we’re having a group conversation and he’s speaking for example his eyes are locked in on me and he basically disregards everyone else, at least thats what it feels like. If he’s having a convo with someone and I’m around or something he’ll find away to include me in the conversation, again always looking into my eyes. What can I do to be sure he feels the same way because I can’t take it anymore or am I being delusional. Or what can I do to show him how I feel?
Unfortunately there are some guys that are just too shy and aren’t willing to take the risk of making their intentions known. Im too impatient for all of that 😭 eventually I’ll have to make it clear I like him too
But you don’t have to say it verbally. Make it clear you’re going out of your way to spend more time with him, and that you’re giving him all your attentions. From that he should kinda know the deal
Hey Lula,
I’ve been meaning to send you my little weirdish dilemma. So my friends have been pushing me to get to know this guy. I can’t lie, everything they told me about him ticked my boxes before we even started talking. Deen is a major factor I always look out for and Allahooma barik the girls did say he was a good brother. HOWEVER! I did not know to what extent. Anyways, my friend finally gave me his number and I hollared him respectfully. We spoke briefly for about a day… a day Lula! And he asked if I could add a muhrim to the chat to keep things ‘Halal’. Lula am I crazy for finding him extremely weird now, or do I need Qur’aan saar 😫 My girls are encouraging me to go for it but I just………… This is all just so awkward and weird for me. Help.
Okay that is a bit bizarre.
Listen I’m not very familiar with this kind of dating where it includes the mahrams I’ll be real 😭 maybe he wants to make his intentions known with you and that’s a good thing. But still a bit strange
Sister who is struggling getting into medicine,nursing,opth,pharm don’t be upset honestly- there will be way !!!!
1st- make sure you grind your hardest from now till exam. Don’t forget to make dua along the way and pray.
2. Stay ready during clearing/upgrades when I tell u there will spaces in top unis and middle uni for nursing,op, nutrition,pharm
Don’t stress to be honest- GET YOUR GRADE and focus on that. Results are key !!! I’m telling its the key to any uni u want specially during summer time !!!!!!!!!!!!!! People won’t make the mark and spaces will always be reserved for clearing/upgrades
Trust in Allah swt and his capabilities
work towards it and leave the rest Allah
Trust me- it has happened to me and many others
DONT GIVE UP
xoxoxoxo
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
https://thesisterguide.com/comment-page-79/#comment-1905
To the sister who is going on 24 and never been in a relationship, please don’t worry about it. I was you once upon a time and one of my biggest regrets is how much time I wasted forcing relationships or just agonizing over it.
As someone in their 30s (married with children alhamdullilah), if I could give advice to my 24 year old self it would be to enjoy life!
Inshallah marriage will come but I promise you it is not the fairytale that it looks like. Don’t get me wrong, it is good but so often we forget to highlight how good being single is too.
This is a time in your life where you should have disposable income and no responsibilities. Sis go out with your friends, go travel, spend time being 100% selfish. The rest will come inshallah.
Yes!!
I’ve been waiting for someone to give a similar opinion.
It’s so true, girls give too much of their very valuable time getting ready for marriage and seeking those relationships. When you can have so much fun being single and being selfish!
It’s not even about dating other people. But there’s a freedom about being individual. You can do what you want. This is exactly why it took me so long to get married.
Growing up I was around a lot of married women and the single best advice they said to me was: a lot of wives look back at their old lives and wish they had been more patient. And did more things, went to more places. Honestly that was all I needed to know and it’s why I only got married once I really really got to live my selfish life.
https://thesisterguide.com/comment-page-80/#comment-1921
To the girl who asked what to expect after 4/5 months of talking, I wanted to offer a different perspective.
You can 100% have marriage talks after 4/5 months of talking. Especially if you guys are talking everyday and you are not interested in getting to know someone for the sake of knowing someone. I would call it “dating/talking” with intention.
This is especially valid if you are in your mid-20s or older. You don’t have to be getting married tomorrow but there is nothing wrong with establishing the timeline you would like to get married in, asking serious questions to establish if he is the guy you want to marry, and discussing what you envision the wedding and marriage to look like.
You may find that you guys are on totally different pages and rather than drag it out for another 6 months, you will be happy to cut your losses early.
Or you will find that everything aligns and won’t it be beautiful to then feel at peace that you are both picturing the same future?
Just my 2 cents as someone who met and married her husband within 6 months (Alhamdullilah). Sometimes the process doesn’t have to be so complicated.
Also Lula I love this column and your advice! 🥰
I like this perspective, and it’s true. Some things work for other people and Alhamdulilah it’s worked out very well for you guys 🥺
Thank you!
Need your advice on how to deal with husband who gets extremely angry (from petty things not even deep situations) and calls me names ect – basically is not kind at all. Its really getting to me feel like i am on eggshells, try not to piss him off idk what to do. btw i am newly married dating for over a year did not see this extent of his personality before
His reaction is completely disproportionate to what has happened. Yes, he’s allowed to have feelings. No, that shouldn’t involve aggressive physical displays, shouting and swearing and stomping around. You should certainly not have to put up with this or feel afraid in the presence of your partner.
There will be times in life that you’re more vulnerable, or possibly caring for children, and how in earth is he going to deal with the million small issues that may come up then?
Trust your gut, trust your instincts, this is not right. Honestly if I was you, I’d stack up on contraception and I’d get my fuck off funds ready.
You are not he’s emotional punching bag. This guy obviously has a problem and It only gets worse with age and time. Right now this is just a preview to how far he can really go. Don’t wait around for him to show you the real deal
Get out
https://thesisterguide.com/comment-page-79/#comment-1913
Go for it sis! I got married from muzmatch and best decision I made. And I’ve seen so many other people speak about success from it. People casually use dating apps and we shouldn’t be ashamed.
Awwww yes I LOVE STORIES LIKE THIS! honestly I think muzmatch is very practical for people who don’t usually go out but want to meet people. Obviously you are gonna find dogs on there but you’ll find dogs in real life too. I’ve heard so many success stories from meeting people online and I feel like it can definitely be a good thing when used properly
Salam sisters!
I had a weird experience today and I want to know if this makes me a fake person. There is a girl at school who is the president of our uni MSA. She enables racism, sexism, etc. and never calls out harm when it occurs – she will instead wait until after and apologize in private which, as someone who also holds leadership positions, I think is inappropriate. While I know there are systems behind that might make it hard for women to speak up in spaces that hold a lot of misogyny, you are still a leader and should act as such. Anyway, I tell people this all the time – that I do not like her because of this but have never actually interacted with her.
A few days ago, it was an old friend’s birthday dinner and since it had been so long since I had seen my friends, I decided to go. Lo and behold, this MSA girl shows up and is apparently also good friends with my friends. I spend the entire evening being friendly with her but I was taken off-guard by her showing up. I always told people that I wanted to talk to her about her leadership style as someone who is in a similar position, but I am very non-confrontational (even if it is not confrontation). After she left, I spilled all of the beans to my friends and they all seemed to agree with be but since it was a friend’s party, I did not think it was a good idea to have that sort of conversation – when, in reality, it has nothing to do directly with me.
I have nothing against this girl as a person, but I am critical of her role as a leader and representative of Muslim students at uni. Does this make me fake and two-faced?
Now what in the name of first lockdown 2020 scandal is THIS 🤣
I am going to be honest with you: in this situation, you have been two-faced and fake. When you feel this level of resentment towards someone you have only two options:
1. Confront them about said issue, and give everyone a chance to explain their behaviour. You then decide what you want to do with the answer
2. Or just shut up
You have accused her of a big thing here and you haven’t confronted her once, that says a lot about YOU. You can’t walk around just accusing people of enabling and sympathising with abusers. Even if she is all the things you have said about her, you must give people an opportunity to explain themselves and possibly to right a wrong. Otherwise you have to admit: you’re not looking a resolution, you’re just chatting for the sake of it.
But also confronting her does give you an opportunity to realise maybe you’re the one that’s wrong here. Can you imagine accusing her of all these things and you actually find out it was never true? But no, instead you’re just accusing her straight up, spreading whispers whilst she’s not paying attention at dinner and spreading an agenda to the rest of your friends. That is WRONG. And it’s fucking nasty too.
Also, why are you even surprised? Women in general are too scared to speak up! And we all know why so let’s not pretend here. You see her as someone that’s in a leadership role and that is why you feel so differently and you can’t extend her some grace. But girl this is UNI not a Fortune 500 company my goodness, give her a break. She is not the big boss lady you think she is. Maybe she is scared herself, you can’t expect people on the same level as you to speak up- have you spoken up?? You’re exactly the same as her. Forget assault and abuse, which we can all agree is very hard to talk about- but you, you can’t even build up the courage to confront her 🤣The lack of self awareness here is astounding. ITS CRAZY
And on top of this, you have never even spoken to her before!!! Even on a friendship level, she’s practically a stranger to you. How do you even think this judgement you have of her is just? Especially when it’s based on hearsay!! Wallahi you need to be very careful with how you interpret and internalise information. You know herd mentality? This is you right now. You need to start thinking for yourself.
Honestly the longer I get into this, the more disappointing it is to read. Wallahi you are so so wrong here. So wrong. You say you have nothing against this girl but you DO. Because how can you justify this treatment towards her? You don’t even know what’s going on. Whoever doesn’t like this girl and has told you stuff is using you. You’re a puppet. Why couldn’t these people confront her themselves? Because they know what they’re saying is mad 😭 so they get people like you who are easily manipulated to spread crazy agendas on their behalf. Be a little smarter
On another note, I feel like some of these societies just bring out the worst in each other. You guys are really going for the jugular here.
Cut her some slack and direct your anger to the real problem. Stop looking for an easier target to hold smoke. And another thing, if you are someone who is more likely to develop herd mentality- step back from your friends abit. And hold them accountable. Stop engaging with backbiting and stop accusing people when you literally have zero proof.
I don’t want to be mean but fix up. Seriously. Because let me tell you something: once these girls find a new target to spew hatred towards, watch out because it might very well be you.
babe how many entries do you get daily approx? loving the platform!💕
Thank you!
And around 10 a day, 15-20 if we’re getting a lot of traffic that day. So you can imagine the build up if we don’t answer for one day 😭😭
Hey sis,
So I’m 22(F) and I’m worried I might never get married. Uni’s ending soon so theres no chance of meeting someone there. I have socials but no posts apart from dp. I have one friend so again no chance of mutuals. I want to start posting but I don’t know if I should do it solely to be approached or else how else can it happen? If I start posting… do I go public or private? How are men supposed to find me if theres no mutuals especially on insta? I’m just not sure on how to navigate this
YOU ARE TWENTY TWO
Who knows, maybe you’ll get married to a 6 figure nigga at 31 years old? Don’t write yourself off at 22 just because you couldn’t find someone in uni. In fact, be grateful you haven’t met someone in university. Men don’t have their shit together in university, so if you want a husband husband you’re gonna have to wait a bit.
Start posting, start going out and let’s see then. But don’t think you’ll never get married because you haven’t found somebody in uni 🤣🤣🤣🤣 GIRL I probably made 5 friends in uni forget a man 😭 People generalise and say university is where you are going to meet people who will be in the rest of your life. Nope. Sometimes Uni is just uni. Nothing more nothing less
Hey hunnn….
so basically, theres this guy I work with and we both work part time there. I’m in my last year of uni and he graduated last year so he’s still figuring out what to do in life. I’m really attracted to him and I think he is too or maybe I’m just clueless when it comes to this stuff. One of my reasons why I think he feels the same is if we’re having a group conversation and he’s speaking for example his eyes are locked in on me and he basically disregards everyone else, at least thats what it feels like. If he’s having a convo with someone and I’m around or something he’ll find away to include me in the conversation, again always looking into my eyes. What can I do to be sure he feels the same way because I can’t take it anymore or am I being delusional. Or what can I do to show him how I feel?
He’s waiting on you to make a move 😭
Unfortunately there are some guys that are just too shy and aren’t willing to take the risk of making their intentions known. Im too impatient for all of that 😭 eventually I’ll have to make it clear I like him too
But you don’t have to say it verbally. Make it clear you’re going out of your way to spend more time with him, and that you’re giving him all your attentions. From that he should kinda know the deal