Best places to go are ones that focus on doing activites. I hate first-dates that require you to sit in silence. That’s so awkward. Bowling, Golf, or even to the fun fair. Those are great first dates to break the ice
I only work in the afternoons for now, so I have my mornings to myself. Wake up around 8-9, do some of my modules, practice on hackerrank for an hour. 12pm if I have a gym class I’ll go to that. Come back have a shower, and I will only eat afterwards. Very boring loool and then by 2pm I’m at work until 7-8
Anon
2 years ago
Hi i have been told about your website, and have a question, there are two men i have been offered for marriage, one is a muslim, but doesn’t pray, or even practice his religion, and the is christian, but he takes his faith serious, i know in Islam i cant marry kafir, but this is my only two options, what do i do?? do i marry the non religion muslim, or the religious Christian, which is haram?? both are nice people and have good jobs, and stable income.
I think you should take your own advice and get off this website and fear Allah 😮🤫
Anon
2 years ago
So I’m in my early 20s looking to get married. The only only medium for me to search for a spouse is through Muzmatch and other apps/sites. There aren’t that many Muslims in my area.
I’m finding it hard to connect with the guys I have been speaking to and I end up unmatching after a week.
How does one establish a ‘connection’.
How long should you wait after speaking on the phone to meet up for the first date?
It’s not just dating apps that are hard to meet people. I think it’s like that in general. There too many choices and you can always text the next person. Imagine asking a kid to pick one toy in a toy shop. They’ll most likely spend the whole day trying to decide.
Now imagine buying that kid any toy and giving them that toy without much of their input. Chances are very high they’ll just accept the toy a play with it.
I can imagine dating apps provide too many options and well, everyone on it will be like kids in a toy store. I think it takes time to build a relationship, but most people don’t seem to have the patience or have other purposes. So this makes it a little difficult for other people who really want to find a relationship. However it does happen, just got to filter out the bad ones. That’s why I say meet up as soon as possible from when you start talking. When you wait too long it’ll just fizzle out.
Anon
2 years ago
Hi sister,
So i grew up with my Uncle where all his kids are my cousins right, and it’s 11 years now since i moved in with them, the problem is that he Son recently proposed to me and Allah knows I don’t love him but my sisters are advicing me to agree because i am not getting younger (24 yrs)and i don’t want to seem ungrateful after all the years of my uncle supporting all through thou i know he respects my choice and the guy isn’t financially stable.
Do you think i will get to like him afterwards
What it seems to me is your sisters for one, are setting a terrible precedent for you and wallahi do not have your best interest at heart. For them to even suggest “you’re not getting any younger” when you are only 24 years old is fucking wild to me. Stop listening to them. Never ever take their advice for anything again.
I would move out of your Uncles house as soon as possible too. Just because he has provided a safe haven for you doesn’t mean you now has to marry his son. He is your family, he should take care of you because you’re his niece, you don’t owe him shit.
And NO! Of course you shouldn’t marry your cousin that you DON’T EVEN LOVE. And you know best who he is, you’ve lived with him. He isn’t financially stable so what is he really good for?
My gosh man. This is a horrible dilemma
Anon
2 years ago
There’s this guy I have speaking to for the past year. He wants to get married he’s 27 on a 30k salary whilst I’m 20 just working retail jobs. He wants to get married but proposed contributing 11k for the wedding. My family are extravagant and want a big wedding you know how shanshiyos go down. Do you think 11k is a reasonable contribution for the wedding with the salary he’s on?
Salaam sisters ❤️ four months ago my ex broke up with me because I was putting up strong boundaries against his emotional abuse. I’ve since had to work through what happened. I’ve been healing, going to therapy and going through the motions because of how much he gaslight, abused and manipulated me emotionally. I didn’t even realise it was emotional abuse until the relationship ended. I’m finally in a place where I’m feeling better, but then I just discovered he got married. Only four months after we broke up. I feel like it’s so unfair that he’s okay to live his life and meet someone new when I had to go through so much pain and confusion.
One of the ways he’d try to manipulate me was by saying that we’re so perfect for each other, but if I don’t agree with him on key things in our potential married life, he would just have go out and find someone else to marry but wouldn’t necessarily have the same connection he has with me. Now that I know he’s married, I can’t help but feel like he settled because of what he said to me but at the same time I feel intense ciil and want him to suffer and live an unhappy life for how he treated me. How can I stop being bitter over how I was treated? I want to move on and feel indifferent towards him.
You have to look at it more broadly like this validates even further how much of a piece of shit he is. Know that. Accept that. Feel better that you dodged a huge bullet.
Well if it’s any consolation, I can only say that sometimes when people break up for some reason, in their next relationship, they seem to speed things up because they will feel like they had lost time in the previous one that ended. They still have their issues and it’ll be the new girl that has to deal with it, not you. This won’t hurt for long. Believe me. You’re doing great.
Or maybe he’s not a prick anymore. Maybe he has learnt and moved on. Maybe he didn’t see a future with you and didn’t have the heart to end it, so he treated you shabbily to get you to end it.
In any case, I wouldn’t spend much time trying to figure out why you feel how you do. Feelings aren’t logical. Being upset that the dude who treated you like shit is getting married isn’t logical.
Don’t try to find the logic in it. It ain’t there. You feel how you feel. Accept it, and in time you’ll stop feeling how you feel.
Its going to sting, but you’ll get over it. And if you want to get over it quickly, you’ll get yourself back out there again and meet new people.
Anon
2 years ago
Asalamu alaykum, I have a concern regarding seeking/getting marriage. I want to make it clear that I’m serious and am not posting this a joke or trying to be immodest or overly explicit, and especially considering that I’m a sister the only way I can really ask for advice is anonymously.
So I’m at the age where I’m now considering/actively searching for a spouse. I have a mental list of things I desire in a spouse, you know the typical things: on deen, mature, financially stable, etc. All of these are completely fine, but there is one thing that is also just as important to me in seeking a spouse which is physical pleasure. I would never mention it out loud, but I know that I’m a sister with a very, very high sex-drive and that something like my future husband’s, erm size, is something that is quite important to me (no I do not watch porn, or any of that).
I just have always had a naturally super high libido, and size (to me) is personally an important factor in picking a spouse. I know some may not take it seriously, but to me it matters, and I know that a small to average sized husband is not something I am seeking nor would I want to be settle with (especially considering that a successful marriage is lifelong). Please don’t try to change my mind on this in particular.
I know some of you may say that size doesn’t matter as much, as long as he can find techniques or ways to please you, but to me it does. Even if he is skilled and learns everything to please me, it can never truly compensate for size. One of my biggest fears in regards to marriage is being sexually frustrated for something that my husband cannot change about himself.
My question is how do I go about seeking a spouse that is more well endowed and bringing up the matter in a pure, halal, and islamically sound way, knowing that it’s something that would be a dealbreaker for me? Sex as a whole is such a taboo topic for women, and especially as a Muslim woman, I feel like just straight up asking is immodest, but I would hate to go through the entire process just to waste his time & hurt a guy’s feelings down the road.
Jazakallah khair, and again I apologize if this is a bit explicit.
There’s not really a way you can check before marriage that’s halal if you know what I mean. If you want to do things the right way, you’re gonna have to wait and see until you’re married to know if your husband is well endowed or not. There’s no good way of asking someone before then. Islamically anyway you shouldn’t be even thinking about that let alone asking someone who isn’t your husband.
I honestly don’t have anything to tell you. But stuff like this is why we need sex education as Muslims. Sex isn’t all about penis size. Nor all about penetration. There are other things and the usage of a man’s penis is more important than its size.
Anon
2 years ago
Hey girl,
I just wanted to ask how do I allow people to be there for me. How do I become vulnerable with those closest to me. I struggle to open up and allow people to help me. Whether that’s venting or needing someone to listen to me. All I do is say everything is fine and call it a day. Sometimes I get upset that those closest to be don’t realise that I’m actually hurting etc but then again I’m not asking for help or openly telling them what’s upsetting/ bothering me. Is it normal to keep everything inside? I hate this feeling, I am honestly going to crack one day and I want to fix it before then. Sorry If this doesn’t make sense, this is the best way I can put it.
I mean when people say “be vulnerable” I can understand why you wouldn’t want to open it. That’s why it’s not exactly the right phrase to use sometimes. You can be open and share things people yes. That may make you vulnerable to love and relationships, but it doesn’t mean you should “be vulnerable”. No one wants to be thought of as being vulnerable, but we do want to share our truths with whoever it is we want to settle down with.
I feel like the main reason you’re worried is because you’re scared being open completely will expose vulnerability to someone who could maltreat that vulnerability. Unfortunately I can’t promise you people won’t use it against you, because I don’t know. However what I do know is you will always become happier/more secure with yourself and others once you commit to your truth. So I think the best thing is to try and be honest with the people around you, including your family and friends, and continue as best as you can with your honesty
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sister
In the last year or two I was going through some stuff and I met this guy and he made me very happy for the first couple of months and all suddenly we started pickering, disagreeing, arguing and the trust was broken in relationship. This person was a the only person I can go to for advice although I had my friends I couldn’t really go to them and speak to them about certain things whereas with him I felt comfortable Vice versa I was there for him. I’m in love with him but I have cut all communications with him because I feel like what we had was toxic. And I really can’t go to my friends tell them how I feel because I feel like they will judge me. Do you think I should reach out to him give it another go. I’m in need for some advices.
Re-reading a book will never change the ending. I mean it might change the experience this time, but the ending will always be the same. Go back to him if you want, but be prepared for the same outcome.
Where are good places to go on first dates and why?
Best places to go are ones that focus on doing activites. I hate first-dates that require you to sit in silence. That’s so awkward. Bowling, Golf, or even to the fun fair. Those are great first dates to break the ice
What’s your morning routine?
I only work in the afternoons for now, so I have my mornings to myself. Wake up around 8-9, do some of my modules, practice on hackerrank for an hour. 12pm if I have a gym class I’ll go to that. Come back have a shower, and I will only eat afterwards. Very boring loool and then by 2pm I’m at work until 7-8
Hi i have been told about your website, and have a question, there are two men i have been offered for marriage, one is a muslim, but doesn’t pray, or even practice his religion, and the is christian, but he takes his faith serious, i know in Islam i cant marry kafir, but this is my only two options, what do i do?? do i marry the non religion muslim, or the religious Christian, which is haram?? both are nice people and have good jobs, and stable income.
I think you should take your own advice and get off this website and fear Allah 😮🤫
So I’m in my early 20s looking to get married. The only only medium for me to search for a spouse is through Muzmatch and other apps/sites. There aren’t that many Muslims in my area.
I’m finding it hard to connect with the guys I have been speaking to and I end up unmatching after a week.
How does one establish a ‘connection’.
How long should you wait after speaking on the phone to meet up for the first date?
It’s not just dating apps that are hard to meet people. I think it’s like that in general. There too many choices and you can always text the next person. Imagine asking a kid to pick one toy in a toy shop. They’ll most likely spend the whole day trying to decide.
Now imagine buying that kid any toy and giving them that toy without much of their input. Chances are very high they’ll just accept the toy a play with it.
I can imagine dating apps provide too many options and well, everyone on it will be like kids in a toy store. I think it takes time to build a relationship, but most people don’t seem to have the patience or have other purposes. So this makes it a little difficult for other people who really want to find a relationship. However it does happen, just got to filter out the bad ones. That’s why I say meet up as soon as possible from when you start talking. When you wait too long it’ll just fizzle out.
Hi sister,
So i grew up with my Uncle where all his kids are my cousins right, and it’s 11 years now since i moved in with them, the problem is that he Son recently proposed to me and Allah knows I don’t love him but my sisters are advicing me to agree because i am not getting younger (24 yrs)and i don’t want to seem ungrateful after all the years of my uncle supporting all through thou i know he respects my choice and the guy isn’t financially stable.
Do you think i will get to like him afterwards
Are you marrying for love or for desperation?
What it seems to me is your sisters for one, are setting a terrible precedent for you and wallahi do not have your best interest at heart. For them to even suggest “you’re not getting any younger” when you are only 24 years old is fucking wild to me. Stop listening to them. Never ever take their advice for anything again.
I would move out of your Uncles house as soon as possible too. Just because he has provided a safe haven for you doesn’t mean you now has to marry his son. He is your family, he should take care of you because you’re his niece, you don’t owe him shit.
And NO! Of course you shouldn’t marry your cousin that you DON’T EVEN LOVE. And you know best who he is, you’ve lived with him. He isn’t financially stable so what is he really good for?
My gosh man. This is a horrible dilemma
There’s this guy I have speaking to for the past year. He wants to get married he’s 27 on a 30k salary whilst I’m 20 just working retail jobs. He wants to get married but proposed contributing 11k for the wedding. My family are extravagant and want a big wedding you know how shanshiyos go down. Do you think 11k is a reasonable contribution for the wedding with the salary he’s on?
https://thesisterguide.com/#comment-542
…
Salaam sisters ❤️ four months ago my ex broke up with me because I was putting up strong boundaries against his emotional abuse. I’ve since had to work through what happened. I’ve been healing, going to therapy and going through the motions because of how much he gaslight, abused and manipulated me emotionally. I didn’t even realise it was emotional abuse until the relationship ended. I’m finally in a place where I’m feeling better, but then I just discovered he got married. Only four months after we broke up. I feel like it’s so unfair that he’s okay to live his life and meet someone new when I had to go through so much pain and confusion.
One of the ways he’d try to manipulate me was by saying that we’re so perfect for each other, but if I don’t agree with him on key things in our potential married life, he would just have go out and find someone else to marry but wouldn’t necessarily have the same connection he has with me. Now that I know he’s married, I can’t help but feel like he settled because of what he said to me but at the same time I feel intense ciil and want him to suffer and live an unhappy life for how he treated me. How can I stop being bitter over how I was treated? I want to move on and feel indifferent towards him.
You have to look at it more broadly like this validates even further how much of a piece of shit he is. Know that. Accept that. Feel better that you dodged a huge bullet.
Well if it’s any consolation, I can only say that sometimes when people break up for some reason, in their next relationship, they seem to speed things up because they will feel like they had lost time in the previous one that ended. They still have their issues and it’ll be the new girl that has to deal with it, not you. This won’t hurt for long. Believe me. You’re doing great.
Or maybe he’s not a prick anymore. Maybe he has learnt and moved on. Maybe he didn’t see a future with you and didn’t have the heart to end it, so he treated you shabbily to get you to end it.
In any case, I wouldn’t spend much time trying to figure out why you feel how you do. Feelings aren’t logical. Being upset that the dude who treated you like shit is getting married isn’t logical.
Don’t try to find the logic in it. It ain’t there. You feel how you feel. Accept it, and in time you’ll stop feeling how you feel.
Its going to sting, but you’ll get over it. And if you want to get over it quickly, you’ll get yourself back out there again and meet new people.
Asalamu alaykum, I have a concern regarding seeking/getting marriage. I want to make it clear that I’m serious and am not posting this a joke or trying to be immodest or overly explicit, and especially considering that I’m a sister the only way I can really ask for advice is anonymously.
So I’m at the age where I’m now considering/actively searching for a spouse. I have a mental list of things I desire in a spouse, you know the typical things: on deen, mature, financially stable, etc. All of these are completely fine, but there is one thing that is also just as important to me in seeking a spouse which is physical pleasure. I would never mention it out loud, but I know that I’m a sister with a very, very high sex-drive and that something like my future husband’s, erm size, is something that is quite important to me (no I do not watch porn, or any of that).
I just have always had a naturally super high libido, and size (to me) is personally an important factor in picking a spouse. I know some may not take it seriously, but to me it matters, and I know that a small to average sized husband is not something I am seeking nor would I want to be settle with (especially considering that a successful marriage is lifelong). Please don’t try to change my mind on this in particular.
I know some of you may say that size doesn’t matter as much, as long as he can find techniques or ways to please you, but to me it does. Even if he is skilled and learns everything to please me, it can never truly compensate for size. One of my biggest fears in regards to marriage is being sexually frustrated for something that my husband cannot change about himself.
My question is how do I go about seeking a spouse that is more well endowed and bringing up the matter in a pure, halal, and islamically sound way, knowing that it’s something that would be a dealbreaker for me? Sex as a whole is such a taboo topic for women, and especially as a Muslim woman, I feel like just straight up asking is immodest, but I would hate to go through the entire process just to waste his time & hurt a guy’s feelings down the road.
Jazakallah khair, and again I apologize if this is a bit explicit.
I mean… I don’t really know what to say loool.
There’s not really a way you can check before marriage that’s halal if you know what I mean. If you want to do things the right way, you’re gonna have to wait and see until you’re married to know if your husband is well endowed or not. There’s no good way of asking someone before then. Islamically anyway you shouldn’t be even thinking about that let alone asking someone who isn’t your husband.
I honestly don’t have anything to tell you. But stuff like this is why we need sex education as Muslims. Sex isn’t all about penis size. Nor all about penetration. There are other things and the usage of a man’s penis is more important than its size.
Hey girl,
I just wanted to ask how do I allow people to be there for me. How do I become vulnerable with those closest to me. I struggle to open up and allow people to help me. Whether that’s venting or needing someone to listen to me. All I do is say everything is fine and call it a day. Sometimes I get upset that those closest to be don’t realise that I’m actually hurting etc but then again I’m not asking for help or openly telling them what’s upsetting/ bothering me. Is it normal to keep everything inside? I hate this feeling, I am honestly going to crack one day and I want to fix it before then. Sorry If this doesn’t make sense, this is the best way I can put it.
I mean when people say “be vulnerable” I can understand why you wouldn’t want to open it. That’s why it’s not exactly the right phrase to use sometimes. You can be open and share things people yes. That may make you vulnerable to love and relationships, but it doesn’t mean you should “be vulnerable”. No one wants to be thought of as being vulnerable, but we do want to share our truths with whoever it is we want to settle down with.
I feel like the main reason you’re worried is because you’re scared being open completely will expose vulnerability to someone who could maltreat that vulnerability. Unfortunately I can’t promise you people won’t use it against you, because I don’t know. However what I do know is you will always become happier/more secure with yourself and others once you commit to your truth. So I think the best thing is to try and be honest with the people around you, including your family and friends, and continue as best as you can with your honesty
Hey sister
In the last year or two I was going through some stuff and I met this guy and he made me very happy for the first couple of months and all suddenly we started pickering, disagreeing, arguing and the trust was broken in relationship. This person was a the only person I can go to for advice although I had my friends I couldn’t really go to them and speak to them about certain things whereas with him I felt comfortable Vice versa I was there for him. I’m in love with him but I have cut all communications with him because I feel like what we had was toxic. And I really can’t go to my friends tell them how I feel because I feel like they will judge me. Do you think I should reach out to him give it another go. I’m in need for some advices.
Re-reading a book will never change the ending. I mean it might change the experience this time, but the ending will always be the same. Go back to him if you want, but be prepared for the same outcome.