Hi sis, hope you’re doing well! I recently met this guy, we had a brief conversation and planned when to meet for a first date. But in the time between, he hasn’t messaged and said he’ll contact closer to time. Is that normal?
When does he plan to take you out? Do you have an idea of when, does he? If you don’t know, you should definitely ask him. Then you’ll find out whether he even plans to take you out or if he was bullshitting.
Anon
2 years ago
Hi I love the platform you have, thank you so much and may Allah give you barakah ameen.
I am 22 and never been in a relationship. I’ve always been comfortable being single – way too comfortable🤣 but as I get older a lot of my friends have gotten married and many people I know are in serious relationships or have lots of dating experience, Allahuma Barik to them. I am very content Alhamdulillah but I do get feelings sometimes that I’m not normal and I do have an intense personality. Life of the party vibes. I do get male attention here and there but I’ve grown up as the wing girl, always the friend on the sidelines when niggas approach. I never used to care about it but nowadays I notice when I’m in a talking stage it’s just to see what vibes are and the minute it gets to taking me out on a date they never fall through. Either they retreat and withdraw (not serious), only pop up to my story to compliment people around me and not me (so I let them go and delete them), or they say things that I’m not here for/red flags, or I feel I need to let things go because I noticed I was changing myself to get even a date by toning down my personality, which I know is bad so I stop myself.
I’d go periods of time after a talking stage where I’m like yeah I don’t think relationships are a bitta me, or I’ll just wait until it naturally happens in sha Allah. I guess I just need another perspective because how do I keep someone interested when they do say they wanna take me out in a very not tying my self worth to male validation/relationships way😭
Like sometimes I would find someone who can handle my personality, feel very compatible with and they just don’t go through with it even though they’ve pursued me or I self sabotage. How do I stop that? Also when they’re very direct about their intentions from early on (with my fearful avoidant attachment styles) I feel overwhelmed like they’re love bombing me and when they take longggg without making their intentions clear, I get annoyed that they’re pussyfooting things. I genuinely don’t want to get married any time soon (late 20’s maybe even later, maybe not at all) but I do think I’d like to have fun dating experience before and I can’t even do that even though I know I don’t need to.
I’m sorry this is so long but what are your thoughts? JazakhAllah ❤️
There’s a lot of things to address here, but first: what do you mean by too intense ?👀😭
Look, the dating world these days can usually be summed up in one word: “casual”.
I’ll be real, it’s not exciting to be around someone who so hyperactive it’s like they’re high on espresso. So in that regards, a lot of what you’re saying sounds like you may need to take more focus on listening and letting the other person share what they’re passionate about, rather than just talking.
Where do you think your tension comes from? Are you one of those people who talk to fill the silence? Try focusing on putting OTHERS at ease. That can help you stay in the present moment.
Risk being silly with someone. Try being playful. Take a devil-my -care (basc playful) attitude. Go in the opposite direction in the extreme. Focus on eye contact. I think that adds to the allure and makes you more interesting. Honestly focus on one interaction where it’s just you listening and being calm, enjoy the silence.
Look you might actually like it here. Being cute and dainty. Being a good listener. Try being vulnerable for a second instead of being the funny girl. What’s in front of you might actually be better when you’re not in complete control.
Now, regarding being the wing girl. What girls fail to realise is that that what you think and feel about yourself reflects on the surface. This whole thing of being the sideman in the group?? Men will see it. You have to be confident and stand out. You can’t expect people to like you if you don’t like yourself. Work on your self love and learn to truly appreciate yourself and understand the value that you bring in general.
But even with all that – the real problem is, when you are given the opportunity to get to know someone: you run in the opposite direction.
Listen, a lot is going on up there *points to your head* – you’re overthinking this far too much. Relax. It’s like you’re trying to look for the ideal man right away but how can you find that when you’re not giving anyone a chance? A real one isn’t going to fall onto your lap.
Also making excuses for it, feeling like they’ve love bombed you (when they probably haven’t) – is just giving you a reason to not take the leap of faith that you need to. You can only determine that someone is AN option and has the things you’re looking for once you’ve given them a chance. But you won’t really know how good of a fit someone is until you get to know them.
So just be yourself, look for someone that interests you, don’t try to be the best option for someone, try to be yourself.
Anon
2 years ago
Heyyy so I’ve been seeing this guy for a while he’s good vibes can dress and is mad cute. We’ve been going out and just chilling but it’s nothing serious. He chats to other ppl and so do I. But he gets mad whenever he finds out lol ??? Idk why he’s acting like this cos we both said it’s just fun. But recently if I post a dash he’ll ask who I’m with and even got his boy to try move to me to see what I’d do (dummy folded and told me) idk what to think cos my girls are saying they think he likes me and can’t say it cos it’s just gonna ruin shit. Ngl at one point I was feeling him too but he did some dumb shit that made me think Yh this is why we keep it at this. Idk what to do cos he’s being mad affectionate and sweet and idk how to act cos I like it where it is. He’s even saying he’s not fw anyone else and he feels close to me. I’m here for a good time and don’t wanna kill the dynamic cos we got madchemistry I wanna keep it as fwb but I wanna know how he acc feels lol
Both of you are playing games, and its kind of childish.
Also, if you are talking to other people, why are you letting it be known? Why are you posting dashboards? That’s such a rookie mistake. Especially if you want to continue getting to know multiple people.
You can’t keep talking to this guy anymore, because you’ve made it bait you’re entertaining other people – now he doesn’t trust you. And he will keep accusing even if you do stop.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes
Anon
2 years ago
I understand how young marriages aren’t a good idea but who is to say it will work out when you are older?
You’re absolutely right. People might wait until they are much older to get married and it still might not work out. But guess what, at least at that age they would have been by themselves before, have their own shit and the means to start over again if need be.
When you marry young, I’m talking 19-22, you’re rolling the dice and making life harder for yourself unnecessarily. Especially if the person you’re marrying is the same age as you. I just feel your life experience and experience with relationships in general is limited. Your maturity is also, not a strength before then. And I don’t say this as some old woman, I’m 25 myself (I’m still young). But I do believe it is far too big of a responsibility for young people to handle. It’s a lot of pressure on both sides. Best to wait when you’re a little older
My brother got married when he was 19 and Allahumabarik he’s been married for 13+ years. Him and his wife have literally grown up together, and they are one of the few people who got married at that same time who are still together. But even he himself tells me he had to do a lot of growing up and it was so hard to adjust. The reason I wouldn’t advocate for young marriages is because it’s a very chaotic time in life and it might prevent someone from making changes that will make them better off in the future. Like going to a great university, doing your masters, completing a graduate programme. You might end up sacrificing an opportunity that would help you become really successful in life because you have to prioritise your marriage. It’s hard to take risks on opportunities when you have a responsibility as big as that waiting for you at home.
Instead why not try being selfish, living your life to the fullest and building on your career. Yes before some negative aunty says you can do both, yes you can. But it’s much harder to chase your dreams in this economy when you have a family.
Anon
2 years ago
Honestly can’t begin to thank you enough for this page. May Allah bless you both. So grateful to have come across it! Also I think you guys need to open up some sort of marriage matching service thing.. because some of us singletons need some help right now.
And who knows, maybe we will do a collab with Muzmatch one day haha
Anon
2 years ago
Am 23 now and I feel one thing I’ve recognised between women who get married young like 19-22 and 23-27 is the lifestyle and health of the marriage. Seen and heard fewer problems for the second vs the prior. I just feel that in today’s society esp Muslim seen they encourage it young and yes it helps avoid sin but let’s be honest it’s mainly in favour of men (my opinion) bcs it’s always the women who suffer. It’s the young girl that now has 1k mehr and is living with in-laws and still working and having kids whilst paying big bills too bcs he’s also young. It’s not worth it. I feel unless you really feel you’ll end up in haram don’t marry super young in today’s era bcs it’s more cons. But then at the same time I don’t want girls to be in relationships so yeh. Don’t talk to guys literally maybe just flirt and that’s it’s CUT.
I agree. Honestly I really believe the later you get married, the better. Yes with all marriages there will still be obstacles to get over, but its easier to do this when you’re wiser and more equipped.
Young marriages are too complicated. Bruh even people in their thirties are struggling to be afloat right now in this economy, how do you expect young people to manage?
Whenever I hear this “get married to avoid zina” – I honestly have to roll my eyes. Like why are you moving like you’re a vampire dying for blood. Relax. I feel like this has been used to justify stupid and rash decisions. Yes islamically its good to get married as soon as possible, but making sex the focal point of your decisions is WILD. Because once you have sex, what else is there? This is not the dawn ages where you can just have sex all day and find food from a bush. You literally got to work 24/7 to live, and even then its not enough. Marriage is such a big responsibility and little respect is put on it. You genuinely cannot expect a young man to be the big man of the house when he is still learning and growing himself. So with that, why are you forcing it??
Get married anytime before 20 is a gamble. You have one life and you’re putting a roof over your head before its even started. Capping your life’s trajectory at 40%.
Anon
2 years ago
Hiii I love this page. I have a dilemma this man I’m speaking to is 30 and I’m 24. He moves hot and cold with me. I’m not in a relationship with him but It’s like a grey area not a situationship. I really love him but every time I ask him what is it you want he says he doesn’t know. We have been talking on and off and have been seeing eachother. I truly think he doesn’t care about me but is keeping me around until a better woman comes along.
He is here for a good time, not a long time. You keep bothering him by continuously asking “what is this?” – when he has no intentions of taking it further with you.
Continuously asking him the same question is not going to change the answer you, and everyone else reading this already knows. Which is: IT’S NOT THAT KIND OF PARTY.
Fair enough, if he doesn’t want a long-term relationships that’s cool. I don’t like how he’s not being upfront about it too. He’s a grown ass man and yet he’s being a coward. It is what it is. But you need to stop relying on people to tell you the truth. Read the room a little! No message is a still message.
He’s 100% keeping you as the fluffer for a next woman. I know it and you know it. Stop hoping that this will change.
Just walk away
Anon
2 years ago
I have seen all of my sibling (both brothers/sisters) talk about having a good game and picking a healthy partner, emotional stable,kind, respectful financially stable. None of them have hit the mark. My sis is worse one yet! She is getting married a man who is sooooooo left field. It’s actually wild and disappointing. He’s freshy and “wealthy”. Never seen his money/bussiness nor has she. They have never met or even visited?!!! He chats a good game but I’m not buying and my parents too.- we haven’t said anything to her/ about the situation. She’s lost In love bubble and fell to hard. She become really different like really rude to all of us like superior complex. She doesn’t behaviour like her normal self. She reminds me of the girls who just started dating and change everything and act up around their mates that u her of. She recently asked for because She will be getting married. She wanted something sincere- I gave her my opinion straight. She didn’t like my opinion and started to attack me/ be defensive. I cut ghe convo short. Told her ur not in clear headache to receive any opinion because u have one ideas in mind. Anyone talks outside of that idea you attack. Then I said to her u came to me and asked. I said if you want a yes person I can lie and sell u a dream. But gave u honest break down of my opinion.
She didn’t like my opinion/ that I was jealous and cut me down. said maybe I should find a man and start dating. Let’s see who I can bring home and if he all good.
At this point I was soooo disguted with her.
I said that’s the last time u are getting my advice and help. Then said to her he’s not trying to hussle me for papers/ passport because he would already have one.
Feel bad that I went low but his dream is Europe??????? I’m not crazy but that’s a red flag
Listen, your sister has decided this hill is gonna be the one she dies on – so leave her be.
Yes you are most likely right. In fact, we have all seen how situations like this have panned out. They bring the freshy over, he can’t work, in fact the money he spoke of, doesn’t even exist. The wife ends up being the one having to provide for him. Suddenly or coincidently even she gets pregnant, and now he has the right to stay in the country. We have heard it so many times.
The problem is, your sister doesn’t want to hear it. And she will convince herself the only reason you are concerned is because you’re jealous and single. Let her be delusional. Let her live in her delusions! She gon learn one day. And when that time comes, still be there for her – but don’t get invested. You’re too invested now even. Just step back wallahi. You can’t stop people hell bent on ruining their own lives.
Inshallah for her own sake I hope this works out for her. But yeah, all you can do is make dua.
Anon
2 years ago
This is really embarrassing for me. I got married towards the end of 2021 and it’s been amazing few months of being married. But recently I found out something from a few of my guests at the wedding that some of the women who attended my wedding were all talking about my husband saying that he used to message their friends, and other kinds of stuff. I found out that one of my close friends also said my husband dm’d her. I’ve confronted afew of the girls and they all admitted this never happened whilst me and him were together. It happened a long time ago years before we even knew each other.
I feel like I’ve embarrassed myself. It hurts so much that on the best day of my life people were talking badly and implying that my husband is disloyal. I wish so badly I didn’t have a wedding. They all put me in this situation where I felt like I had to find out the truth. I feel horrible for being upset with my husband because he didn’t deserve it. I’m at a point where now I don’t want anyone to be around me and my husband. When my friends want to come over I always say no. When people want me to show wedding pictures I can’t. I’m so paranoid people are trying to break up my marriage that I‘ve distanced myself from family too. The problem is now I’ve completely isolated myself from everyone and I only have my husband. I want to be able to have friends and family however I feel that my husband is very vulnerable to what could be evil eye. Am I overthinking this
The reality is, people are always looking to find something wrong with what makes you happy. They do it all the time! You can graduate, people will find a way to take it personally. Get a new job and oo there will be someone who takes it personally. People are weird like that.
In this case, it was your husband. So when they heard you were getting married, its not possible to them that you’re getting married to the perfect man who makes you happy. Of course it can’t be true! So instead of just being happy for you, they will subconsciously find ways to find something wrong with it.
They knew damn well there was no overlapping between whoever it was and your husband, but they implied so. It has to be shaytaan man. I genuinely don’t know what they tried to achieve by doing that.
I would honestly cut off your friends too for entertaining that shit. They are the problem too. They can’t just be facilitating gossip behind your back.
Gossip is one of the most insidious aspects of passive aggressive behaviour. Them talking about you behind your back on the biggest day of your life says a lot more about them, than it does you. It seems like people who do that are often projecting or insecure about themselves. Seeing you unhappy made them unhappy! I know people don’t like to say “This has to be jealousy” but sometimes it’s the truth. Because what else could explain this nasty behaviour towards you? The reality is, people can be threatened about anything that makes you happy. Could be your job, your husband, your life, the fact everyone loves you. When someone is miserable, they will always find a way to be threatened by you. They want what you have. Sometimes even your existence is reminder of their unfulfilled potential. And that feeling will make them do mad things.
You are right to want to protect your husband. Especially seeing how this gossip made you treat him unfairly. But don’t let this stop you from having friendships. Just keep your lives separate.
When you go out with people, don’t mention your husband. If they ask about him, just say “Alhamdulilah everyone is good.” – keep it short and simple. If you want to invite your friends over, tell your husband to go out. After a while people will get the hint that your husband is only an extension of YOU and not an extension of this friendship. The only person who has access to your private life is YOU.
Also don’t tell your problems with people, obviously tell one person – but make sure the person is not friends with anyone else you know. Always fight the urge to call in outsiders to vent your frustration anytime you have issues in your relationship. You might as well give them the ammo literally. Doing that is equivalent to spreading unfavourable thoughts about your man to the outsiders. Not to say your friends are shady, but you never know there might be that one person who will spread this information to someone else who doesn’t like you – and now the whole world knows.
But yes, you absolutely need to protect your relationship from outsider influence. You can still have relationships with people whilst still being able to say no and set boundaries with them when and where needed. You can’t let the outside world diminish or chip away at your connection with your husband. Look at how easy it was to distrust him because of hearsay. You got to be careful sis. Read your adkaars too. If you do, don’t post him.
I’m really sorry this happened to you but theres no much you can do. Niggas will hate. Just take this as a lesson learnt and be a bit more private.
Anon
2 years ago
Hiya,
Is it right to tell a newly wed that her husband was two-timing us both until the day of his wedding. It’s a serious matter and truth is important. What do you think? He’s a garoob, narcissist and sociopath and sees no wrong within himself or actions.
I would face your front.
Women can be funny about this. It is likely that she will blame you and forgive him. She might even call you the bitter bitch who still wants her man.
So you’ll achieve nothing by telling her. They are married now so it’s kind of too late.
Hi sis, hope you’re doing well! I recently met this guy, we had a brief conversation and planned when to meet for a first date. But in the time between, he hasn’t messaged and said he’ll contact closer to time. Is that normal?
Ehhh has he not messaged you at all??
When does he plan to take you out? Do you have an idea of when, does he? If you don’t know, you should definitely ask him. Then you’ll find out whether he even plans to take you out or if he was bullshitting.
Hi I love the platform you have, thank you so much and may Allah give you barakah ameen.
I am 22 and never been in a relationship. I’ve always been comfortable being single – way too comfortable🤣 but as I get older a lot of my friends have gotten married and many people I know are in serious relationships or have lots of dating experience, Allahuma Barik to them. I am very content Alhamdulillah but I do get feelings sometimes that I’m not normal and I do have an intense personality. Life of the party vibes. I do get male attention here and there but I’ve grown up as the wing girl, always the friend on the sidelines when niggas approach. I never used to care about it but nowadays I notice when I’m in a talking stage it’s just to see what vibes are and the minute it gets to taking me out on a date they never fall through. Either they retreat and withdraw (not serious), only pop up to my story to compliment people around me and not me (so I let them go and delete them), or they say things that I’m not here for/red flags, or I feel I need to let things go because I noticed I was changing myself to get even a date by toning down my personality, which I know is bad so I stop myself.
I’d go periods of time after a talking stage where I’m like yeah I don’t think relationships are a bitta me, or I’ll just wait until it naturally happens in sha Allah. I guess I just need another perspective because how do I keep someone interested when they do say they wanna take me out in a very not tying my self worth to male validation/relationships way😭
Like sometimes I would find someone who can handle my personality, feel very compatible with and they just don’t go through with it even though they’ve pursued me or I self sabotage. How do I stop that? Also when they’re very direct about their intentions from early on (with my fearful avoidant attachment styles) I feel overwhelmed like they’re love bombing me and when they take longggg without making their intentions clear, I get annoyed that they’re pussyfooting things. I genuinely don’t want to get married any time soon (late 20’s maybe even later, maybe not at all) but I do think I’d like to have fun dating experience before and I can’t even do that even though I know I don’t need to.
I’m sorry this is so long but what are your thoughts? JazakhAllah ❤️
There’s a lot of things to address here, but first: what do you mean by too intense ?👀😭
Look, the dating world these days can usually be summed up in one word: “casual”.
I’ll be real, it’s not exciting to be around someone who so hyperactive it’s like they’re high on espresso. So in that regards, a lot of what you’re saying sounds like you may need to take more focus on listening and letting the other person share what they’re passionate about, rather than just talking.
Where do you think your tension comes from? Are you one of those people who talk to fill the silence? Try focusing on putting OTHERS at ease. That can help you stay in the present moment.
Risk being silly with someone. Try being playful. Take a devil-my -care (basc playful) attitude. Go in the opposite direction in the extreme. Focus on eye contact. I think that adds to the allure and makes you more interesting. Honestly focus on one interaction where it’s just you listening and being calm, enjoy the silence.
Look you might actually like it here. Being cute and dainty. Being a good listener. Try being vulnerable for a second instead of being the funny girl. What’s in front of you might actually be better when you’re not in complete control.
Now, regarding being the wing girl. What girls fail to realise is that that what you think and feel about yourself reflects on the surface. This whole thing of being the sideman in the group?? Men will see it. You have to be confident and stand out. You can’t expect people to like you if you don’t like yourself. Work on your self love and learn to truly appreciate yourself and understand the value that you bring in general.
But even with all that – the real problem is, when you are given the opportunity to get to know someone: you run in the opposite direction.
Listen, a lot is going on up there *points to your head* – you’re overthinking this far too much. Relax. It’s like you’re trying to look for the ideal man right away but how can you find that when you’re not giving anyone a chance? A real one isn’t going to fall onto your lap.
Also making excuses for it, feeling like they’ve love bombed you (when they probably haven’t) – is just giving you a reason to not take the leap of faith that you need to. You can only determine that someone is AN option and has the things you’re looking for once you’ve given them a chance. But you won’t really know how good of a fit someone is until you get to know them.
So just be yourself, look for someone that interests you, don’t try to be the best option for someone, try to be yourself.
Heyyy so I’ve been seeing this guy for a while he’s good vibes can dress and is mad cute. We’ve been going out and just chilling but it’s nothing serious. He chats to other ppl and so do I. But he gets mad whenever he finds out lol ??? Idk why he’s acting like this cos we both said it’s just fun. But recently if I post a dash he’ll ask who I’m with and even got his boy to try move to me to see what I’d do (dummy folded and told me) idk what to think cos my girls are saying they think he likes me and can’t say it cos it’s just gonna ruin shit. Ngl at one point I was feeling him too but he did some dumb shit that made me think Yh this is why we keep it at this. Idk what to do cos he’s being mad affectionate and sweet and idk how to act cos I like it where it is. He’s even saying he’s not fw anyone else and he feels close to me. I’m here for a good time and don’t wanna kill the dynamic cos we got madchemistry I wanna keep it as fwb but I wanna know how he acc feels lol
Both of you are playing games, and its kind of childish.
Also, if you are talking to other people, why are you letting it be known? Why are you posting dashboards? That’s such a rookie mistake. Especially if you want to continue getting to know multiple people.
You can’t keep talking to this guy anymore, because you’ve made it bait you’re entertaining other people – now he doesn’t trust you. And he will keep accusing even if you do stop.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes
I understand how young marriages aren’t a good idea but who is to say it will work out when you are older?
You’re absolutely right. People might wait until they are much older to get married and it still might not work out. But guess what, at least at that age they would have been by themselves before, have their own shit and the means to start over again if need be.
When you marry young, I’m talking 19-22, you’re rolling the dice and making life harder for yourself unnecessarily. Especially if the person you’re marrying is the same age as you. I just feel your life experience and experience with relationships in general is limited. Your maturity is also, not a strength before then. And I don’t say this as some old woman, I’m 25 myself (I’m still young). But I do believe it is far too big of a responsibility for young people to handle. It’s a lot of pressure on both sides. Best to wait when you’re a little older
My brother got married when he was 19 and Allahumabarik he’s been married for 13+ years. Him and his wife have literally grown up together, and they are one of the few people who got married at that same time who are still together. But even he himself tells me he had to do a lot of growing up and it was so hard to adjust. The reason I wouldn’t advocate for young marriages is because it’s a very chaotic time in life and it might prevent someone from making changes that will make them better off in the future. Like going to a great university, doing your masters, completing a graduate programme. You might end up sacrificing an opportunity that would help you become really successful in life because you have to prioritise your marriage. It’s hard to take risks on opportunities when you have a responsibility as big as that waiting for you at home.
Instead why not try being selfish, living your life to the fullest and building on your career. Yes before some negative aunty says you can do both, yes you can. But it’s much harder to chase your dreams in this economy when you have a family.
Honestly can’t begin to thank you enough for this page. May Allah bless you both. So grateful to have come across it! Also I think you guys need to open up some sort of marriage matching service thing.. because some of us singletons need some help right now.
Thank you !! Ameen 🙂
And who knows, maybe we will do a collab with Muzmatch one day haha
Am 23 now and I feel one thing I’ve recognised between women who get married young like 19-22 and 23-27 is the lifestyle and health of the marriage. Seen and heard fewer problems for the second vs the prior. I just feel that in today’s society esp Muslim seen they encourage it young and yes it helps avoid sin but let’s be honest it’s mainly in favour of men (my opinion) bcs it’s always the women who suffer. It’s the young girl that now has 1k mehr and is living with in-laws and still working and having kids whilst paying big bills too bcs he’s also young. It’s not worth it. I feel unless you really feel you’ll end up in haram don’t marry super young in today’s era bcs it’s more cons. But then at the same time I don’t want girls to be in relationships so yeh. Don’t talk to guys literally maybe just flirt and that’s it’s CUT.
I agree. Honestly I really believe the later you get married, the better. Yes with all marriages there will still be obstacles to get over, but its easier to do this when you’re wiser and more equipped.
Young marriages are too complicated. Bruh even people in their thirties are struggling to be afloat right now in this economy, how do you expect young people to manage?
Whenever I hear this “get married to avoid zina” – I honestly have to roll my eyes. Like why are you moving like you’re a vampire dying for blood. Relax. I feel like this has been used to justify stupid and rash decisions. Yes islamically its good to get married as soon as possible, but making sex the focal point of your decisions is WILD. Because once you have sex, what else is there? This is not the dawn ages where you can just have sex all day and find food from a bush. You literally got to work 24/7 to live, and even then its not enough. Marriage is such a big responsibility and little respect is put on it. You genuinely cannot expect a young man to be the big man of the house when he is still learning and growing himself. So with that, why are you forcing it??
Get married anytime before 20 is a gamble. You have one life and you’re putting a roof over your head before its even started. Capping your life’s trajectory at 40%.
Hiii I love this page. I have a dilemma this man I’m speaking to is 30 and I’m 24. He moves hot and cold with me. I’m not in a relationship with him but It’s like a grey area not a situationship. I really love him but every time I ask him what is it you want he says he doesn’t know. We have been talking on and off and have been seeing eachother. I truly think he doesn’t care about me but is keeping me around until a better woman comes along.
He is here for a good time, not a long time. You keep bothering him by continuously asking “what is this?” – when he has no intentions of taking it further with you.
Continuously asking him the same question is not going to change the answer you, and everyone else reading this already knows. Which is: IT’S NOT THAT KIND OF PARTY.
Fair enough, if he doesn’t want a long-term relationships that’s cool. I don’t like how he’s not being upfront about it too. He’s a grown ass man and yet he’s being a coward. It is what it is. But you need to stop relying on people to tell you the truth. Read the room a little! No message is a still message.
He’s 100% keeping you as the fluffer for a next woman. I know it and you know it. Stop hoping that this will change.
Just walk away
I have seen all of my sibling (both brothers/sisters) talk about having a good game and picking a healthy partner, emotional stable,kind, respectful financially stable. None of them have hit the mark. My sis is worse one yet! She is getting married a man who is sooooooo left field. It’s actually wild and disappointing. He’s freshy and “wealthy”. Never seen his money/bussiness nor has she. They have never met or even visited?!!! He chats a good game but I’m not buying and my parents too.- we haven’t said anything to her/ about the situation. She’s lost In love bubble and fell to hard. She become really different like really rude to all of us like superior complex. She doesn’t behaviour like her normal self. She reminds me of the girls who just started dating and change everything and act up around their mates that u her of. She recently asked for because She will be getting married. She wanted something sincere- I gave her my opinion straight. She didn’t like my opinion and started to attack me/ be defensive. I cut ghe convo short. Told her ur not in clear headache to receive any opinion because u have one ideas in mind. Anyone talks outside of that idea you attack. Then I said to her u came to me and asked. I said if you want a yes person I can lie and sell u a dream. But gave u honest break down of my opinion.
She didn’t like my opinion/ that I was jealous and cut me down. said maybe I should find a man and start dating. Let’s see who I can bring home and if he all good.
At this point I was soooo disguted with her.
I said that’s the last time u are getting my advice and help. Then said to her he’s not trying to hussle me for papers/ passport because he would already have one.
Feel bad that I went low but his dream is Europe??????? I’m not crazy but that’s a red flag
Listen, your sister has decided this hill is gonna be the one she dies on – so leave her be.
Yes you are most likely right. In fact, we have all seen how situations like this have panned out. They bring the freshy over, he can’t work, in fact the money he spoke of, doesn’t even exist. The wife ends up being the one having to provide for him. Suddenly or coincidently even she gets pregnant, and now he has the right to stay in the country. We have heard it so many times.
The problem is, your sister doesn’t want to hear it. And she will convince herself the only reason you are concerned is because you’re jealous and single. Let her be delusional. Let her live in her delusions! She gon learn one day. And when that time comes, still be there for her – but don’t get invested. You’re too invested now even. Just step back wallahi. You can’t stop people hell bent on ruining their own lives.
Inshallah for her own sake I hope this works out for her. But yeah, all you can do is make dua.
This is really embarrassing for me. I got married towards the end of 2021 and it’s been amazing few months of being married. But recently I found out something from a few of my guests at the wedding that some of the women who attended my wedding were all talking about my husband saying that he used to message their friends, and other kinds of stuff. I found out that one of my close friends also said my husband dm’d her. I’ve confronted afew of the girls and they all admitted this never happened whilst me and him were together. It happened a long time ago years before we even knew each other.
I feel like I’ve embarrassed myself. It hurts so much that on the best day of my life people were talking badly and implying that my husband is disloyal. I wish so badly I didn’t have a wedding. They all put me in this situation where I felt like I had to find out the truth. I feel horrible for being upset with my husband because he didn’t deserve it. I’m at a point where now I don’t want anyone to be around me and my husband. When my friends want to come over I always say no. When people want me to show wedding pictures I can’t. I’m so paranoid people are trying to break up my marriage that I‘ve distanced myself from family too. The problem is now I’ve completely isolated myself from everyone and I only have my husband. I want to be able to have friends and family however I feel that my husband is very vulnerable to what could be evil eye. Am I overthinking this
People are really shit man.
The reality is, people are always looking to find something wrong with what makes you happy. They do it all the time! You can graduate, people will find a way to take it personally. Get a new job and oo there will be someone who takes it personally. People are weird like that.
In this case, it was your husband. So when they heard you were getting married, its not possible to them that you’re getting married to the perfect man who makes you happy. Of course it can’t be true! So instead of just being happy for you, they will subconsciously find ways to find something wrong with it.
They knew damn well there was no overlapping between whoever it was and your husband, but they implied so. It has to be shaytaan man. I genuinely don’t know what they tried to achieve by doing that.
I would honestly cut off your friends too for entertaining that shit. They are the problem too. They can’t just be facilitating gossip behind your back.
Gossip is one of the most insidious aspects of passive aggressive behaviour. Them talking about you behind your back on the biggest day of your life says a lot more about them, than it does you. It seems like people who do that are often projecting or insecure about themselves. Seeing you unhappy made them unhappy! I know people don’t like to say “This has to be jealousy” but sometimes it’s the truth. Because what else could explain this nasty behaviour towards you? The reality is, people can be threatened about anything that makes you happy. Could be your job, your husband, your life, the fact everyone loves you. When someone is miserable, they will always find a way to be threatened by you. They want what you have. Sometimes even your existence is reminder of their unfulfilled potential. And that feeling will make them do mad things.
You are right to want to protect your husband. Especially seeing how this gossip made you treat him unfairly. But don’t let this stop you from having friendships. Just keep your lives separate.
When you go out with people, don’t mention your husband. If they ask about him, just say “Alhamdulilah everyone is good.” – keep it short and simple. If you want to invite your friends over, tell your husband to go out. After a while people will get the hint that your husband is only an extension of YOU and not an extension of this friendship. The only person who has access to your private life is YOU.
Also don’t tell your problems with people, obviously tell one person – but make sure the person is not friends with anyone else you know. Always fight the urge to call in outsiders to vent your frustration anytime you have issues in your relationship. You might as well give them the ammo literally. Doing that is equivalent to spreading unfavourable thoughts about your man to the outsiders. Not to say your friends are shady, but you never know there might be that one person who will spread this information to someone else who doesn’t like you – and now the whole world knows.
But yes, you absolutely need to protect your relationship from outsider influence. You can still have relationships with people whilst still being able to say no and set boundaries with them when and where needed. You can’t let the outside world diminish or chip away at your connection with your husband. Look at how easy it was to distrust him because of hearsay. You got to be careful sis. Read your adkaars too. If you do, don’t post him.
I’m really sorry this happened to you but theres no much you can do. Niggas will hate. Just take this as a lesson learnt and be a bit more private.
Hiya,
Is it right to tell a newly wed that her husband was two-timing us both until the day of his wedding. It’s a serious matter and truth is important. What do you think? He’s a garoob, narcissist and sociopath and sees no wrong within himself or actions.
Ehhhh
I would face your front.
Women can be funny about this. It is likely that she will blame you and forgive him. She might even call you the bitter bitch who still wants her man.
So you’ll achieve nothing by telling her. They are married now so it’s kind of too late.
Stop thinking about this guy