Hey sis, so I fell in love with some guy, we we’re introduced by a mutual friend. We got close and became good friends, so as I started getting feeling for him I was getting information from his friend if he was single. I was told he was, but he said he’d just broken up with someone. Fast forward I took the bold decision to ask him out and he politely turned me down saying he didn’t want a relationship but I found out he was pursuing some other girl. The girl turned him down and he asked me out like after 6 months. He apologized and all but in reality at the time I didn’t see anything wrong. So we dated for like a month and broke up because being in a relationship isn’t permissible and we we’re 19. So we remained close friends and fast forward to the next year we got back together and we dated again. So he said he wanted to get married after completing uni which was also my plan. So we made very many wrong choices while in the relationship and in a span of 3 years we broke up twice. So the third time we finally decided to end it however I still love him but I feel like there was a lot of lies he had told me in the beginning and his ex went around telling people how he was a “seasonal lover” and how he isn’t consistent in his relationship and I didn’t think much of it until recently, he however is a very good guy Ma Sha Allah can’t really speak bad about him and his character. However I feel like I want to get married and I love him and he loves me but as of now we’re not together we told each other we’d wait for each other. But idk how to approach him and tel him I’m serious about marriage and I’d wanna get married. I feel like I should be constantly making the first move and he’s the guy he needs to ask me, but I fee l like he always needs a push. Help what do I do? I really love him.
Please don’t share on Twitter XO
Hey I’ve got a quick question. So I like to have my friends around at mine all the time and family. Like every other week and my husband doesn’t seem to mind he just greets small chit chat and goes to another room. Anyways one time my mate had her vape pen and he looked at me weird because she was smoking In the house but he never said anything just told me after I shouldn’t let her do that. Other time her male friend came over we all had a dinner together just a vibe but he told me after I can’t do that ever again. He’s very sweet and kind with them but even though he pays for the home and everything am young and I want people over it’s lonely when he’s at work.
This is very much his space as much as it is yours. I’m sure he doesn’t want your friends in the house all the time, but he is okay with it FOR YOU. Then you started taking the piss when you let your friend vape when you know your husband isn’t comfortable with it? But now you’re doing a lot. When someone is kind, why do you take advantage of their kindness? Why are you allowing men inside your house? Regardless of if thats your friend’s ‘friend’ – why is he in YOUR husband’s house?
You keep violating your husband’s boundaries. You don’t respect him at all. Keep pushing and he is going to see that for himself one day. All it takes is a build up of letting things slide and one day, you blow up. You’re very immature and you need to grow up, especially if you want to still be married by the end of this year.
If you’re lonely, go outside with your friends? Or get a job during the day? Go to your family’s house? Why does it have to be your home all the time? The house doesn’t belong to just you. You are incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. The fact you don’t see that is crazy.
Anon
2 years ago
Hey babe, I’m on holiday with my girlfriends but I’m so attached to my man. Like he tells me to enjoy my holiday but i feel empty. We’re not talking as much and it bothers me. He’s telling me don’t worry it’s only a week and to enjoy my time. But I feel guilty. I don’t want to call him 100 times a day, like I know it’s weird but I think I have attachment problems. What shall I do?
I have no remedy for you girl. Just call him in the morning and before you go bed. That’s all i got for you today loooool
Anon
2 years ago
Hi sis. Your advice would be appreciated. So I’ve recently discovered some disturbing things about my husband regarding how he lied to me and he cheated on me while we were engaged and I only found our 9 months into our marriage. He denied for weeks and I finally found out everything for myself and only then he confessed and apologised and asked for forgiveness. After a couple months of deciding what I wanted to do I couldn’t get over it and decided I no longer wanted to be with him and end our marriage, so we are in the process of getting divorced and I’m finding it so difficult to move on with my life. I’ve been finding it so hard to do basic daily activities, like eat and sleep because of the betrayal trauma. I’ve known for nearly 3 months now and my world is crushed, because I loved him so much and compromised on material things for our love. We thoroughly discussed topics such as infidelity when we were getting to know each other and I told him it was a deal breaker for me especially because of specific family situations I had experience and childhood trauma at the hands of misogyny and he said it was a dealbreaker for him too and we promised each other to never hurt each other in that way, and then he did. Now I’m heartbroken and still can’t believe this is our reality, because I thought he was my soulmate and me his. Any advice on how to get over this and how to learn to trust again because I feel so hopeless for the future regarding love and marriage. Especially as all I saw previously was unhappy/unfaithful marriages in real life and I took a leap of faith with him thinking maybe there are good men but unfortunately he’s traumatised me and now I feel like there aren’t any good men. I know that this is a test from Allah and I’m going to be patient inshaAllah, but it so hard. Would love any advice you have sis. JazaAllahu khair hun.
I know it’s easier to fixate on the negatives, but wallahi that does nothing but continue to break your heart.
Look at the positives! Wallahi I know it doesn’t seem like it but there are so many. Do you know how lucky you are to have found this out before you had a child with this man? Alhamdulilah! This is literally your great escape. You get to start anew with no baggage, not being tied to anyone. You were married for less than a year? Consider it a trial run.
You had a relationship and you dedicated a part of your life to this relationship, changed plans, altered your course…and he was unfaithful to you leading up to the wedding. Put the blame where it belongs… He is the one that failed here, not you. You should be angry. And you should use that anger to move past this.. Get angry. When you remember how much of a prick he is, you’ll never want to miss him. You want to focus on elviating yourself, getting all that time you wasted back and start investing in yourself.
And you will be much wiser for it. You’ll attract men who you can trust, who are more communicative about their feelings, reliable and those who fear Allah.
Anon
2 years ago
Hello ladies ,
Ik you guys have loads on questions coming in but I really need help ! I’m 19 turning 20 in 2 months and I met this guy well we used to speak back in 2019 but we recently reconnected in November and we are super close. It’s a ldr so I’m in Manchester and he’s in Dubai but he came to Manchester to visit me 2 weeks ago and he told me he loves me and he wants to marry this summer. The problem is i don’t think my mum is going to accept this because she thinks I’m too young and I have to finish uni. I want to marry this guy he makes me happy , inspires me but I just don’t want to wait time is precious and Alhamdulilah I think I found my person. With that being said , please tell me ways I can convince my mum everyone deserves happiness so I don’t know why she so against it when I can continue uni and be married simultaneously he even said he’s looking for jobs in Manchester and btw he’s turning 24 in March
You are young and you should finish uni. You only started talking to him again in December. How sure are you in the space of a few months you already know what it is you want? Especially at NINETEEN.
Listen, if Allah had given me the things I wanted when I was 1 9 – I would be in completely different situation right now. The thought of that even is shivering mi timbers. Some duas you actually have to be thankful they were never answered and you will on realise that with age.
You’re 19. I know you think you know what you want, but you don’t. None of us know what we really want. We might have an idea, and even then I feel like that epiphany only happens in your 20’s. But when you’re a teenager? No chance.
Have you even lived sis? Have you travelled the world by yourself yet? Have you climbed up the ladder and decided, I actually like it here? You lot don’t rate independence enough for my likings. You think singleness and loneliness go hand in hand. Whilst companionship for the most part is great, don’t risk ending up as those married women who are really single deep down. 19 is far too young to know what kind of man you want. Daddy chill for real
I don’t want to invalidate how you feel but I might have too loool I’m sorry. I used to tell my mum and older sisters all the time when I was your age, “I think this is the guy I will marry” and they literally used to laugh in my face. But they dropped gems. In fact, without their guidance during my dating experience – I think I’d just be delusional.
Don’t be delusional sis.
Anon
2 years ago
Lula I’ve got a bit of a mad dilemma looool basically been casually talking to this sexy asf man and one time he randomly sent me a nude unprovoked – I called him out immediately and he apologised profusely and said it wouldn’t happen again. My question is – to lock it off immediately or not? I appreciated the response but is doing it in the first place big enough of a red flag to just quit it? Both Muslim, 27 and I’ve kept myself from any kind of relationships or intimacy.
Hey sister I hope to get married soon inshalah and the thought of inviting people to my wedding is making me cringe so badly. It’s like you’re begging people to come and it just feels so weird 😩😩 I know this is probably one of the silliest things you’ve come across but hear me out since the pandemic happened a lot of my friends have become really distant due to life and tho I have reached out to them I have found myself getting aired or ignored & that has just been a sign for me to just leave these people alone. Funnily enough they ignore me but watch my story whenever I post. I’m ngl I was upset about it but then I sort of just became complacent and don’t bother reaching out anymore to people who won’t extend that same grace to me. I just want my one close friend my sister and my family no bridesmaids to just celebrate with me. I keep cringing so badly at the thought of inviting people but I honestly don’t think i should be overthinking it this much. I still have a lot of love for these friends but it’s so embarrassing if I was to invite them and they air or ignore me or better yet don’t even turn up. I don’t have trouble making friends but I do struggle to maintain meaningful relationships and friendships. I wonder how many of these people would even turn up to my family if I died tomorrow or even make dua for me it’s a very emotional thing to think & because of that I hate attaching to closely yo friends or people & I kind of just give up.
Sounds like a perfect time to have a small wedding. Yes it’s a little bit sad you can’t have a shitload of friends to celebrate but most wedding day is just one day in your life. Who fucking cares about all that. You found someone you love and that loves you back. Have some perspective.
You don’t need to have a big wedding filled with people who don’t love you or who don’t speak to you. I had a small party with my nearest and dearest and I’m so happy I let that be the one thing in my life I protected from people didn’t love me, especially people I couldn’t trust to see my happiness liveo.
Girls need to be more protective of the energy they bring around them. Especially during intimate moments. A lot of guests will end up talking shit about you anyway so you really don’t need that. Protect yours. The most important thing is you will have a loving and supportive family who will be in attendance and most importantly, you have one person there who wants to spend the rest of their life with you.
Don’t fuss over filling up the room, you’re a Bride to BE! May Allah grant you the happiest marriage filled with love and true companionship!
Anon
2 years ago
Hi,
Do you think a woman should contribute to rent during marriage? What should and shouldn’t she contribute to whilst married?
Before I used to say no, but I realised I was talking out of my arse. It’s easy for me to say no because I don’t. But that’s not the case for everyone. Especially for younger couples.
My opinion is: if both of you are young, both of you are at the early stages in your career and you still decide to get married: you know what you signed up for. Can’t act up now and say you can’t help out, because you absolutely should. Especially if you guys aren’t lucky enough to get support from your parents (I love this about Asian culture you know), you only have each other. This is what I mean about being accountable. When you take on a responsibility as big as this, even with the odds stacked against you, you have to tackle this as a team.
You don’t have to go 50/50, but you should help out. He pays the rent, and you handle the small bills. May you contribute to paying the council tax every month and the groceries. Still make it clear these are his responsibilities, but you have to remember – marriage is a different kind of teamwork. If one of you goes down, you’re both going down.
Hey sis, so I fell in love with some guy, we we’re introduced by a mutual friend. We got close and became good friends, so as I started getting feeling for him I was getting information from his friend if he was single. I was told he was, but he said he’d just broken up with someone. Fast forward I took the bold decision to ask him out and he politely turned me down saying he didn’t want a relationship but I found out he was pursuing some other girl. The girl turned him down and he asked me out like after 6 months. He apologized and all but in reality at the time I didn’t see anything wrong. So we dated for like a month and broke up because being in a relationship isn’t permissible and we we’re 19. So we remained close friends and fast forward to the next year we got back together and we dated again. So he said he wanted to get married after completing uni which was also my plan. So we made very many wrong choices while in the relationship and in a span of 3 years we broke up twice. So the third time we finally decided to end it however I still love him but I feel like there was a lot of lies he had told me in the beginning and his ex went around telling people how he was a “seasonal lover” and how he isn’t consistent in his relationship and I didn’t think much of it until recently, he however is a very good guy Ma Sha Allah can’t really speak bad about him and his character. However I feel like I want to get married and I love him and he loves me but as of now we’re not together we told each other we’d wait for each other. But idk how to approach him and tel him I’m serious about marriage and I’d wanna get married. I feel like I should be constantly making the first move and he’s the guy he needs to ask me, but I fee l like he always needs a push. Help what do I do? I really love him.
Please don’t share on Twitter XO
When a man says he wants to break up but he will marry you in the future, that man is lying your honor.
Wouldn’t be surprised if you say him on somalibridal getting married to someone else.
How to deal with being ghosted over and over again?
Become the ghost *machinegunkelly voice*
Omg so i saw this video on youtube and i actually couldn’t help but think of how similar this is to your advice https://youtu.be/benLj8AL0jQ
She’s spitting haha I really like her vibe
Hey I’ve got a quick question. So I like to have my friends around at mine all the time and family. Like every other week and my husband doesn’t seem to mind he just greets small chit chat and goes to another room. Anyways one time my mate had her vape pen and he looked at me weird because she was smoking In the house but he never said anything just told me after I shouldn’t let her do that. Other time her male friend came over we all had a dinner together just a vibe but he told me after I can’t do that ever again. He’s very sweet and kind with them but even though he pays for the home and everything am young and I want people over it’s lonely when he’s at work.
You’re taking the piss.
This is very much his space as much as it is yours. I’m sure he doesn’t want your friends in the house all the time, but he is okay with it FOR YOU. Then you started taking the piss when you let your friend vape when you know your husband isn’t comfortable with it? But now you’re doing a lot. When someone is kind, why do you take advantage of their kindness? Why are you allowing men inside your house? Regardless of if thats your friend’s ‘friend’ – why is he in YOUR husband’s house?
You keep violating your husband’s boundaries. You don’t respect him at all. Keep pushing and he is going to see that for himself one day. All it takes is a build up of letting things slide and one day, you blow up. You’re very immature and you need to grow up, especially if you want to still be married by the end of this year.
If you’re lonely, go outside with your friends? Or get a job during the day? Go to your family’s house? Why does it have to be your home all the time? The house doesn’t belong to just you. You are incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. The fact you don’t see that is crazy.
Hey babe, I’m on holiday with my girlfriends but I’m so attached to my man. Like he tells me to enjoy my holiday but i feel empty. We’re not talking as much and it bothers me. He’s telling me don’t worry it’s only a week and to enjoy my time. But I feel guilty. I don’t want to call him 100 times a day, like I know it’s weird but I think I have attachment problems. What shall I do?
You and me both sis.
I have no remedy for you girl. Just call him in the morning and before you go bed. That’s all i got for you today loooool
Hi sis. Your advice would be appreciated. So I’ve recently discovered some disturbing things about my husband regarding how he lied to me and he cheated on me while we were engaged and I only found our 9 months into our marriage. He denied for weeks and I finally found out everything for myself and only then he confessed and apologised and asked for forgiveness. After a couple months of deciding what I wanted to do I couldn’t get over it and decided I no longer wanted to be with him and end our marriage, so we are in the process of getting divorced and I’m finding it so difficult to move on with my life. I’ve been finding it so hard to do basic daily activities, like eat and sleep because of the betrayal trauma. I’ve known for nearly 3 months now and my world is crushed, because I loved him so much and compromised on material things for our love. We thoroughly discussed topics such as infidelity when we were getting to know each other and I told him it was a deal breaker for me especially because of specific family situations I had experience and childhood trauma at the hands of misogyny and he said it was a dealbreaker for him too and we promised each other to never hurt each other in that way, and then he did. Now I’m heartbroken and still can’t believe this is our reality, because I thought he was my soulmate and me his. Any advice on how to get over this and how to learn to trust again because I feel so hopeless for the future regarding love and marriage. Especially as all I saw previously was unhappy/unfaithful marriages in real life and I took a leap of faith with him thinking maybe there are good men but unfortunately he’s traumatised me and now I feel like there aren’t any good men. I know that this is a test from Allah and I’m going to be patient inshaAllah, but it so hard. Would love any advice you have sis. JazaAllahu khair hun.
I know it’s easier to fixate on the negatives, but wallahi that does nothing but continue to break your heart.
Look at the positives! Wallahi I know it doesn’t seem like it but there are so many. Do you know how lucky you are to have found this out before you had a child with this man? Alhamdulilah! This is literally your great escape. You get to start anew with no baggage, not being tied to anyone. You were married for less than a year? Consider it a trial run.
You had a relationship and you dedicated a part of your life to this relationship, changed plans, altered your course…and he was unfaithful to you leading up to the wedding. Put the blame where it belongs… He is the one that failed here, not you. You should be angry. And you should use that anger to move past this.. Get angry. When you remember how much of a prick he is, you’ll never want to miss him. You want to focus on elviating yourself, getting all that time you wasted back and start investing in yourself.
And you will be much wiser for it. You’ll attract men who you can trust, who are more communicative about their feelings, reliable and those who fear Allah.
Hello ladies ,
Ik you guys have loads on questions coming in but I really need help ! I’m 19 turning 20 in 2 months and I met this guy well we used to speak back in 2019 but we recently reconnected in November and we are super close. It’s a ldr so I’m in Manchester and he’s in Dubai but he came to Manchester to visit me 2 weeks ago and he told me he loves me and he wants to marry this summer. The problem is i don’t think my mum is going to accept this because she thinks I’m too young and I have to finish uni. I want to marry this guy he makes me happy , inspires me but I just don’t want to wait time is precious and Alhamdulilah I think I found my person. With that being said , please tell me ways I can convince my mum everyone deserves happiness so I don’t know why she so against it when I can continue uni and be married simultaneously he even said he’s looking for jobs in Manchester and btw he’s turning 24 in March
Your mum is absolutely right.
You are young and you should finish uni. You only started talking to him again in December. How sure are you in the space of a few months you already know what it is you want? Especially at NINETEEN.
Listen, if Allah had given me the things I wanted when I was 1 9 – I would be in completely different situation right now. The thought of that even is shivering mi timbers. Some duas you actually have to be thankful they were never answered and you will on realise that with age.
You’re 19. I know you think you know what you want, but you don’t. None of us know what we really want. We might have an idea, and even then I feel like that epiphany only happens in your 20’s. But when you’re a teenager? No chance.
Have you even lived sis? Have you travelled the world by yourself yet? Have you climbed up the ladder and decided, I actually like it here? You lot don’t rate independence enough for my likings. You think singleness and loneliness go hand in hand. Whilst companionship for the most part is great, don’t risk ending up as those married women who are really single deep down. 19 is far too young to know what kind of man you want. Daddy chill for real
I don’t want to invalidate how you feel but I might have too loool I’m sorry. I used to tell my mum and older sisters all the time when I was your age, “I think this is the guy I will marry” and they literally used to laugh in my face. But they dropped gems. In fact, without their guidance during my dating experience – I think I’d just be delusional.
Don’t be delusional sis.
Lula I’ve got a bit of a mad dilemma looool basically been casually talking to this sexy asf man and one time he randomly sent me a nude unprovoked – I called him out immediately and he apologised profusely and said it wouldn’t happen again. My question is – to lock it off immediately or not? I appreciated the response but is doing it in the first place big enough of a red flag to just quit it? Both Muslim, 27 and I’ve kept myself from any kind of relationships or intimacy.
Now sis,
What do you think I will say?
Hey sister I hope to get married soon inshalah and the thought of inviting people to my wedding is making me cringe so badly. It’s like you’re begging people to come and it just feels so weird 😩😩 I know this is probably one of the silliest things you’ve come across but hear me out since the pandemic happened a lot of my friends have become really distant due to life and tho I have reached out to them I have found myself getting aired or ignored & that has just been a sign for me to just leave these people alone. Funnily enough they ignore me but watch my story whenever I post. I’m ngl I was upset about it but then I sort of just became complacent and don’t bother reaching out anymore to people who won’t extend that same grace to me. I just want my one close friend my sister and my family no bridesmaids to just celebrate with me. I keep cringing so badly at the thought of inviting people but I honestly don’t think i should be overthinking it this much. I still have a lot of love for these friends but it’s so embarrassing if I was to invite them and they air or ignore me or better yet don’t even turn up. I don’t have trouble making friends but I do struggle to maintain meaningful relationships and friendships. I wonder how many of these people would even turn up to my family if I died tomorrow or even make dua for me it’s a very emotional thing to think & because of that I hate attaching to closely yo friends or people & I kind of just give up.
Sounds like a perfect time to have a small wedding. Yes it’s a little bit sad you can’t have a shitload of friends to celebrate but most wedding day is just one day in your life. Who fucking cares about all that. You found someone you love and that loves you back. Have some perspective.
You don’t need to have a big wedding filled with people who don’t love you or who don’t speak to you. I had a small party with my nearest and dearest and I’m so happy I let that be the one thing in my life I protected from people didn’t love me, especially people I couldn’t trust to see my happiness liveo.
Girls need to be more protective of the energy they bring around them. Especially during intimate moments. A lot of guests will end up talking shit about you anyway so you really don’t need that. Protect yours. The most important thing is you will have a loving and supportive family who will be in attendance and most importantly, you have one person there who wants to spend the rest of their life with you.
Don’t fuss over filling up the room, you’re a Bride to BE! May Allah grant you the happiest marriage filled with love and true companionship!
Hi,
Do you think a woman should contribute to rent during marriage? What should and shouldn’t she contribute to whilst married?
Before I used to say no, but I realised I was talking out of my arse. It’s easy for me to say no because I don’t. But that’s not the case for everyone. Especially for younger couples.
My opinion is: if both of you are young, both of you are at the early stages in your career and you still decide to get married: you know what you signed up for. Can’t act up now and say you can’t help out, because you absolutely should. Especially if you guys aren’t lucky enough to get support from your parents (I love this about Asian culture you know), you only have each other. This is what I mean about being accountable. When you take on a responsibility as big as this, even with the odds stacked against you, you have to tackle this as a team.
You don’t have to go 50/50, but you should help out. He pays the rent, and you handle the small bills. May you contribute to paying the council tax every month and the groceries. Still make it clear these are his responsibilities, but you have to remember – marriage is a different kind of teamwork. If one of you goes down, you’re both going down.