Salaam guys, I keep finding myself developing unhealthy text habits when I like someone – checking my phone for replies all the time, getting restless when I don’t get them and I’m really not like this normally. What can I do to stop this? I know I’m only hurting my own feelings lol but also is this a sign to stop talking to someone?
You only feel like this if you’re talking to one person at a time. Just waiting on them to say something.
This is why you talk to more people at once. It saves you from banking all your energy on one person and you don’t come across too full on, because you’re too busy giving energy to more than one person. Also it helps to not look at every guy you speak to as the one you’re gonna end up with. Just see them all as experience until you find that connection with one.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi babe,
first I want to start by saying that I love your advice sis.
I’m 20 and I have never spoken to a boy before like properly not in a romantic way, I don’t even know where to start i’m definitely not looking for marriage or anything right now because I don’t want that yet, but I would like to have some experience at least. I have boys that are friends and acquaintances but nobody that has ever been interested in me. I don’t know where to start really, plenty of my friends all talk to boys and have bfs but not me and sometimes i feel insecure because in the future I wouldn’t know what to do. I feel like i’m really shy maybe in that area, and you feel like shit sometimes when nobody chats to you. I know this seems silly and I promise i’m not boy crazy or whatever just wanted some advice. Where do I start.
I’m sure other girls have done it too. But isn’t it so much easier to flirt with guys you’re not attracted to, especially male friends? LMAO. When i was younger, this was my bag! I’d build the skills, yeah a few caught feelings along the way, made the friendships awkward, but at least i was ready for the real deals when I got older.
Might as well. You’re going to eventually stop talking to all of them when you guys get older. Might as well do it now
Anon
3 years ago
Hi girls! My dilemma is that there was a guy that was interested in me and he take to a friend that know us both about me but he never came directly to me and talked! So whenever the friend use tell me about it , I just to shut it down! Because he never made a move or tried to get to know me! I need to ad that I didn’t know who he was before my friend told me about him! And know when I have seen him! I would like to get to know him but how do I make that move? I feel so awkward and don’t know how to talk to him
Wait for him to approach you. And also, take what your friend says with a pinch of salt. Sometime’s they do too much to gas it up and then you’re left there standing like an idiot. “I thought you had tings for me sis whats going on??”
Honestly if they are not going to set you two up, tell them to stop talking. Because whoever it is, they are selling you dreams. Let him move to you, don’t think about it to much, and just wait. If he does, he does, if he doesn’t- who cares. There are plenty others.
Anon
3 years ago
How do I ask out a shy girl? I think she likes me back but so so difficult to talk to.
Say you want to go somewhere that you’ve always wanted to go, and then just say “You should come with me.” Sound enthusiastic, don’t be awkward. And then she see what she says.
It makes it sound like its not a date, but just a one on one with you two. Less pressure
Anon
3 years ago
You always say charm and confidence? What are books, podcasts or things I can look into that can help build my confidence? Thank you
Watch the Bachelor and the Bachlorette, only because these men and women are literally fighting to be the most charming out of 30 people to win the show. I may or may not have learnt a thing or two LMAO
Anon
3 years ago
ive realised that i dont share the same morals and values with a lot of my friends. Am I wrong for isolating myself? a part of me feels like it’s arrogance but a part of me feels like im protecting my energy
Yes and No. Sometimes you outgrow your friends, and if you want distance, there is a way going about it. If these are friends you have had for years, I wouldn’t take that decision to cut them off lightly. You can’t buy friends. And as you get older, you’re going to need them.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey gurl,
I’m talking to this guy who’s very sweet and loving. He’s doing well for himself now good job, his own place and wants to spoil me and take me out. But his past scares me and gives me the absolute ickkkk. He said that when he was younger he was mixed up with drugs and a whole lot of ghetto which he keeps telling me stories about. He’s never been to jail or done time but precedes to tell me all the time he’s been close to it even though I expressively tell him I don’t want to know. He obviously isn’t like that now but it puts me off everytime he talks about it. Like imagine if I introduce him to friends and family members and this is his choice of discussions. I will faint. I don’t know maybe I’m immature because I’m a lot younger but as harsh as it sounds I don’t like that part about him and probably will never accept it. I should probably leave him alone but he really does make me happy and I know that if I was to have a future with him he’d keep me happy. I don’t know what to do. Shall I ghost him?
Some people make mistakes when they are younger trying to figure out who they are and what they want out of life. It shouldn’t be held against them. Look at it this way – he went down that path and made it out. Not many can do that unscathed even. There was no time done, no records, all the man has are his memories. I’m not sure why that bothers you. Now he’s found what he was looking for – and it’s you. You make him happy, otherwise he wouldn’t have been with you.
You need to decide if you are going to take him as he is, or be done with it. He hasn’t done anything wrong. If you can’t get over a man’s past that let him be free to find someone that will.
Anon
3 years ago
As a young person who earns above the average salary … is it bad if I am bothered if the guy I’m interested in has a lower paying job. I don’t want to come across as a materialistic person however he is in his 30s and says he has ambition. He pays for all the dates and things. I am just worried as it very early days but I am mindful he has a great education background just a lack of opportunity with careers.
Idk maybe it is materialistic, but I’m the same though LMAO. Have to be earning more than me for me to start dating you. Not sure why but I feel like guys are more responsible and stable when they earn more than you. Also I don’t want any reason for a man to be relieved of his responsibilities. Don’t think because I make more than you I must now contribute to the rent. Can you contribute to bearing this child?
I don’t think I can give good advice regarding this LMAO WHERE’S LADAN??
Understand that for most couples’ this is completely natural. Rarely do two people earn the exact same amount of money. As you’ve mentioned you earn “above” the average salary and your partner might not. This I think shouldn’t be an issue.
If he’s got ambition and a good education then believe in him. Support him in finding the right job. Right now it is difficult for a lot of young people to get above average paying jobs. He’s probably going to require experience and a chance to get into those higher paying jobs. I think it’s quite unfair to him if you dismiss him because he makes less than you.
However, if it is important that you have a man earning the same or more than you then make it clear to this guy. Don’t be afraid to have a conversation about money because the worst thing is to go into a relationship where you’re not comfortable to talk about finances. Money is one of the most common things that couples fight about. And if you’re already thinking about who makes more then consider having that conversation. Or you could find someone else who makes more money than you if that’s important to you.
Anon
3 years ago
This platform is going such big places, cc going down was the best thing ever for this! soo excited for the podcast and it is changing the game for Somali women to have these important discussions which we are so discreet about <333
Honestly now looking back at it, even though all my cc content is gone, I am so happy it encouraged me to do this. So happy, because i genuinely stepped out of my comfort bubble and did something I’m good at.
Thank you so much! And yes, the whole point is to have a little safe space for women to talk about the awkward, taboo things. And i tweeted a year ago that I actually wanted there to be a podcast that’d speak on some of this without hiding the truth. IDK why, but whenever I listen to something, it always feels like it’s being watered down. Didn’t realise I’d be doing it myself haha
Anon
3 years ago
Any tips of gaining confidence before dating , I want to date more but I’m so insecure about my self and I can never imagine a guy loving me for me lmao sounds so sad but my parents marriage has literally trumatiaed me and seeing all these women’s stories scares me more , I really hope I don’t fall into their trap because I can’t ever imagine it for myself but I don’t want it sometime in the future , any tips in overcoming this
Just remember the little tricks when you’re on a date. Keep the eye contact, ask them open ended questions about themselves, speak confidently and not like you’re embarrassed about your likes or hobbies or whatever you’re discussing. I used to make a mental list of topics that we’d touched on whilst texting and what I could ask them about those topics in advance. That always helped to prevent there from being any awkward silence. And it made me seem like I was more interested and a good listener. You’ll feel like you have some conversation topics ready to go if there’s a lull in conversation.
One of the hardest things about dating is that your confidence can sometimes be knocked. You’re going to have to work on building yourself up. Stop the self criticism and be your biggest cheerleader. Remind yourself why you are amazing and all the great things about you that you have to offer.
You’ve heard and seen some bad relationships in your life time. To be honest, most people have. But it’s what you do next that counts. You can either let those bad dating experiences go on to define your dating journey or you can shrug them off, put them behind you and move on with a positive attitude. Use those bad experience as a tool to help you identify any red flags or things that are deal breakers for you.
The quickest road to growing in confidence is to push yourself out of that comfort zone you’re living in. In life we get comfortable with things that we know and are easy but how can you gain new experiences if you don’t push yourself out of your comfort zone? There’s nothing wrong with trying something new, it can actually give you a buzz and get you excited about what life has in store for you. That feeling is so good!Getting out of your comfort zone will probably scare the heck out of you… but then the feeling when you succeed is fantastic.
Salaam guys, I keep finding myself developing unhealthy text habits when I like someone – checking my phone for replies all the time, getting restless when I don’t get them and I’m really not like this normally. What can I do to stop this? I know I’m only hurting my own feelings lol but also is this a sign to stop talking to someone?
You only feel like this if you’re talking to one person at a time. Just waiting on them to say something.
This is why you talk to more people at once. It saves you from banking all your energy on one person and you don’t come across too full on, because you’re too busy giving energy to more than one person. Also it helps to not look at every guy you speak to as the one you’re gonna end up with. Just see them all as experience until you find that connection with one.
Hi babe,
first I want to start by saying that I love your advice sis.
I’m 20 and I have never spoken to a boy before like properly not in a romantic way, I don’t even know where to start i’m definitely not looking for marriage or anything right now because I don’t want that yet, but I would like to have some experience at least. I have boys that are friends and acquaintances but nobody that has ever been interested in me. I don’t know where to start really, plenty of my friends all talk to boys and have bfs but not me and sometimes i feel insecure because in the future I wouldn’t know what to do. I feel like i’m really shy maybe in that area, and you feel like shit sometimes when nobody chats to you. I know this seems silly and I promise i’m not boy crazy or whatever just wanted some advice. Where do I start.
Practice flirting with your guy friends.
I’m sure other girls have done it too. But isn’t it so much easier to flirt with guys you’re not attracted to, especially male friends? LMAO. When i was younger, this was my bag! I’d build the skills, yeah a few caught feelings along the way, made the friendships awkward, but at least i was ready for the real deals when I got older.
Might as well. You’re going to eventually stop talking to all of them when you guys get older. Might as well do it now
Hi girls! My dilemma is that there was a guy that was interested in me and he take to a friend that know us both about me but he never came directly to me and talked! So whenever the friend use tell me about it , I just to shut it down! Because he never made a move or tried to get to know me! I need to ad that I didn’t know who he was before my friend told me about him! And know when I have seen him! I would like to get to know him but how do I make that move? I feel so awkward and don’t know how to talk to him
Wait for him to approach you. And also, take what your friend says with a pinch of salt. Sometime’s they do too much to gas it up and then you’re left there standing like an idiot. “I thought you had tings for me sis whats going on??”
Honestly if they are not going to set you two up, tell them to stop talking. Because whoever it is, they are selling you dreams. Let him move to you, don’t think about it to much, and just wait. If he does, he does, if he doesn’t- who cares. There are plenty others.
How do I ask out a shy girl? I think she likes me back but so so difficult to talk to.
Say you want to go somewhere that you’ve always wanted to go, and then just say “You should come with me.” Sound enthusiastic, don’t be awkward. And then she see what she says.
It makes it sound like its not a date, but just a one on one with you two. Less pressure
You always say charm and confidence? What are books, podcasts or things I can look into that can help build my confidence? Thank you
Watch the Bachelor and the Bachlorette, only because these men and women are literally fighting to be the most charming out of 30 people to win the show. I may or may not have learnt a thing or two LMAO
ive realised that i dont share the same morals and values with a lot of my friends. Am I wrong for isolating myself? a part of me feels like it’s arrogance but a part of me feels like im protecting my energy
Yes and No. Sometimes you outgrow your friends, and if you want distance, there is a way going about it. If these are friends you have had for years, I wouldn’t take that decision to cut them off lightly. You can’t buy friends. And as you get older, you’re going to need them.
Hey gurl,
I’m talking to this guy who’s very sweet and loving. He’s doing well for himself now good job, his own place and wants to spoil me and take me out. But his past scares me and gives me the absolute ickkkk. He said that when he was younger he was mixed up with drugs and a whole lot of ghetto which he keeps telling me stories about. He’s never been to jail or done time but precedes to tell me all the time he’s been close to it even though I expressively tell him I don’t want to know. He obviously isn’t like that now but it puts me off everytime he talks about it. Like imagine if I introduce him to friends and family members and this is his choice of discussions. I will faint. I don’t know maybe I’m immature because I’m a lot younger but as harsh as it sounds I don’t like that part about him and probably will never accept it. I should probably leave him alone but he really does make me happy and I know that if I was to have a future with him he’d keep me happy. I don’t know what to do. Shall I ghost him?
Some people make mistakes when they are younger trying to figure out who they are and what they want out of life. It shouldn’t be held against them. Look at it this way – he went down that path and made it out. Not many can do that unscathed even. There was no time done, no records, all the man has are his memories. I’m not sure why that bothers you. Now he’s found what he was looking for – and it’s you. You make him happy, otherwise he wouldn’t have been with you.
You need to decide if you are going to take him as he is, or be done with it. He hasn’t done anything wrong. If you can’t get over a man’s past that let him be free to find someone that will.
As a young person who earns above the average salary … is it bad if I am bothered if the guy I’m interested in has a lower paying job. I don’t want to come across as a materialistic person however he is in his 30s and says he has ambition. He pays for all the dates and things. I am just worried as it very early days but I am mindful he has a great education background just a lack of opportunity with careers.
Idk maybe it is materialistic, but I’m the same though LMAO. Have to be earning more than me for me to start dating you. Not sure why but I feel like guys are more responsible and stable when they earn more than you. Also I don’t want any reason for a man to be relieved of his responsibilities. Don’t think because I make more than you I must now contribute to the rent. Can you contribute to bearing this child?
I don’t think I can give good advice regarding this LMAO WHERE’S LADAN??
Understand that for most couples’ this is completely natural. Rarely do two people earn the exact same amount of money. As you’ve mentioned you earn “above” the average salary and your partner might not. This I think shouldn’t be an issue.
If he’s got ambition and a good education then believe in him. Support him in finding the right job. Right now it is difficult for a lot of young people to get above average paying jobs. He’s probably going to require experience and a chance to get into those higher paying jobs. I think it’s quite unfair to him if you dismiss him because he makes less than you.
However, if it is important that you have a man earning the same or more than you then make it clear to this guy. Don’t be afraid to have a conversation about money because the worst thing is to go into a relationship where you’re not comfortable to talk about finances. Money is one of the most common things that couples fight about. And if you’re already thinking about who makes more then consider having that conversation. Or you could find someone else who makes more money than you if that’s important to you.
This platform is going such big places, cc going down was the best thing ever for this! soo excited for the podcast and it is changing the game for Somali women to have these important discussions which we are so discreet about <333
Honestly now looking back at it, even though all my cc content is gone, I am so happy it encouraged me to do this. So happy, because i genuinely stepped out of my comfort bubble and did something I’m good at.
Thank you so much! And yes, the whole point is to have a little safe space for women to talk about the awkward, taboo things. And i tweeted a year ago that I actually wanted there to be a podcast that’d speak on some of this without hiding the truth. IDK why, but whenever I listen to something, it always feels like it’s being watered down. Didn’t realise I’d be doing it myself haha
Any tips of gaining confidence before dating , I want to date more but I’m so insecure about my self and I can never imagine a guy loving me for me lmao sounds so sad but my parents marriage has literally trumatiaed me and seeing all these women’s stories scares me more , I really hope I don’t fall into their trap because I can’t ever imagine it for myself but I don’t want it sometime in the future , any tips in overcoming this
Just remember the little tricks when you’re on a date. Keep the eye contact, ask them open ended questions about themselves, speak confidently and not like you’re embarrassed about your likes or hobbies or whatever you’re discussing. I used to make a mental list of topics that we’d touched on whilst texting and what I could ask them about those topics in advance. That always helped to prevent there from being any awkward silence. And it made me seem like I was more interested and a good listener. You’ll feel like you have some conversation topics ready to go if there’s a lull in conversation.
One of the hardest things about dating is that your confidence can sometimes be knocked. You’re going to have to work on building yourself up. Stop the self criticism and be your biggest cheerleader. Remind yourself why you are amazing and all the great things about you that you have to offer.
You’ve heard and seen some bad relationships in your life time. To be honest, most people have. But it’s what you do next that counts. You can either let those bad dating experiences go on to define your dating journey or you can shrug them off, put them behind you and move on with a positive attitude. Use those bad experience as a tool to help you identify any red flags or things that are deal breakers for you.
The quickest road to growing in confidence is to push yourself out of that comfort zone you’re living in. In life we get comfortable with things that we know and are easy but how can you gain new experiences if you don’t push yourself out of your comfort zone? There’s nothing wrong with trying something new, it can actually give you a buzz and get you excited about what life has in store for you. That feeling is so good!Getting out of your comfort zone will probably scare the heck out of you… but then the feeling when you succeed is fantastic.