Hello. I’m in my late twenties. I keep getting to know guys and it never ends in a relationship. I make my intentions very clear and let my expectations be know . We’ll talk for 1-2 months max and then within that month they’ll show inconsistency and pull away. I always try to communicate but they don’t improve anything. Which makes me lowkey angry to the point I might lash out. I never cuss but I’ll be meaner etc. Then it’s just this back and forth till THEY decide to ghost and sometimes even block me. At this point it has happened so many times that I actually am starting to believe I’m a horrible person. Yes, I struggle setting boundaries and sticking to them. But I feel like I’m just toxic and a poison. I never like the feeling that arise whenever I start being mean. I feel like I’m selfish and whatnot. My friends keep saying that the guys were never that into me to begin with so it has nothing to do with me. Yet I still question myself. It’s always “your amazing person with amazing values but I can not give you what you need at this very moment because not xyz”. It sucks man, it really does. Because if I’m that amazing why does no one actually want to go above and beyond for me. Literally no one. It’s a broken record at this point. I honestly would like some kind of sisterly love right now and not tough love. I already beat myself a lot and get the tough love from friends. I feel like my future to ever get married looks quite somber and idk how to deal with that. At my big age I never had a healthy relationship and I keep being stuck in the his circle. I’m sorry, I’m just rambling now.
Well, you are certainly frustrated and conflicted! You want to date, have had no success, you want to settle down and feel secure! Is this a good approach? you ask.
It isn’t an approach, it is chaotic.
Let’s take your concerns one by one.
1. Tired of dating. OK, You and millions of others. Stay calm.
The problem is you’re not dating, you’re just talking to people. The ‘talking stage’ can be misconstrued as someone actively pursuing commitment, when really they are just trying to get to know you. But theres only so long you can talk to people. It’s a waste of time. This is why I tell people, put a time stamp on this part of getting to know eachother. After the first week someone has your phone number, either you guys go on a date or you stop talking. Because people get bored after talking for too long, its too time consuming. It’s the fastest way to kill the initial spark. Once you guys go out, depending on how well the date goes, you both will be invested.
2. You feel like you’ll never end up with someone but you’re not worth being with.
The only thing that’s wrong with you is that you think something is wrong with you. It’s a numbers game. Keep trying. Keep looking. Be positive. Attitude is everything.
If you date with a purpose, it’s hell. If you date for fun, it’s only fun. And you’d be surprised how often things will come to you the moment you stop looking. I feel that dating comes with a lot of expectations as you spend more and more time. It weighs you down, but the key to the cage is always with you.
3. You feel like no one will go above and beyond for you.
Admit to yourself you want commitment and be open about it. Wanting a loving healthy relationship is nothing to be ashamed or chill about. When you are too scared, you will be afraid to assert your boundaries. And you actually never end up getting what you want. You’d be surprised how many men will want to do the most for you when they know you’re hard to please. However, they will do NOTHING the second they even get a hint that you’re pleased because of the mere fact that they chose you.
Start being assertive in dating. Make it clear your time is important to you and you will disengage if you feel like it’s being wasted.
Anon
3 years ago
Hi, I want to plan my wedding but I don’t know how much it would cost in reality. From estimates, my partner and I have tallied up to £15000 for everything (this is maximum) but I think that might be ridiculous. Is this really what other couples are paying for a simple Nikkah and wedding ceremony. West and East African wedding In the UK for reference. Please help a sister out, we really struggling here.
Weddings are so fucking expensive. And they are even more expensive now post covid.
I had a small intimate wedding dinner for 60 people, and the hall charged us around 8k. But this also included the nikkah ceremony in the morning. But still. I was flabbergasted.
Regarding massive weddings, my friends have spent 15-18k on their weddings. Alhamdulilah a lot of them were lucky to have really supportive families to help out. And I think that’s the case for a lot of Somali weddings. Usually the parents from both sides contribute towards the wedding.
And then you have to consider all the other things too:
Dj, Photographer and Videographer
Make Up & Hair
Henna
Wedding Dress/Diraac
Gold
If you’re going to have a bridal shower
This can be an additional 5k if you’re lucky. Emphasis on LUCKY. Photographer and Videographer packages can be 3k itself.
All of that for one night.
Have something small sis, more barakah in it. Don’t stress yourselves out financially for one night and for people to enjoy themselves. Personally I could not justify spending that much when I knew bride’s typically never enjoy their own wedding. I also knew the type of person I was, I didn’t even want to attend my own graduation. Events stress me out too much so imagine being the centre of attention at your own event? Safe. So nothing could convince me to have a wedding even when my Husband really wanted it for me (He thinks I’m gonna wake up one day and wish I got to wear a white dress LOL the day still hasn’t come).
Plan something small, and when they argue with you, be like me and say you spent the entire wedding budget on a fuck off honeymoon. So unless yall niggas are going to pay for this shindig yourselves, I suggest you hold that
Anon
3 years ago
If you’re going to advise young women to get married late (in their 30s) you should be vocal about the various issues that arise fertility wise at that age
Hi!
This is a bit of a weird question but what’s the best way to remove hair in your intimate areas? I try to use those disposable razors and always cut myself especially when I’m trying to get into those hard to reach crevices. I’ve never tried waxing before but it seems to be really expensive and not halal lol.
And start using nair hair removal cream (sensitive one). It doesn’t have that horrid smell and hair literally just falls off. And you don’t get any ingrown hairs. But also, maybe start look into waxing. The more you wax, it takes longer for your hair to grow back. And when it does, just use Nair.
Anon
3 years ago
Asc sisters,
I’ve been with my current man for 6 years. I moved out of my parents house when I first graduated in 2020. So I can live with him. We are both Somali. My family thinks I moved to a different state for work but really live 30 minutes away. The only reason why I moved in with him is to get an image of what living together would look like. He’s the best! I really can’t say anything bad about him except the fact that every time I bring up marriage he’s very dismissive. I want to marry him but he doesn’t want to marry me. Bills and everything is paid by him. He takes me on vacations every other month. Spoils me rotten. But I don’t know if I should just end it cause it feels like I’ve already wasted 6 years of my life thinking marriage was the end goal. What should I do?
Hi sis,
so my story is a bit unconventional from the stories you usually get (i think) but it all started when i was 17 and freshly into university. I met this guy i really really liked, it was instant attraction from my side but i was a very shy so i never gave him any indication that i liked him. i never talked to boys and grew up very sheltered. He on the other hand was quite popular and definitely a lot more extroverted. I stalked him on the internet and did what i do best and watched from the side lines basically. at some point i knew his grandfathers medical history.. it was really bad and i didn’t know it was an obsession till much later. knowing myself and my personality i knew i wasn’t ever going to take that first step and just talk to him so i just did what any sane person would do (not) and started getting into black magic… bc i grew up very religious, black magic is taboo but i also grew up knowing that its very strong, unlike my personality. at first i started doing it to manipulate my own aura and make myself more confident and approachable but as i dove more and more into this, i started finding a lot more darker and stronger practices.
Because i already knew so much about him from his social media, i started taking the same language classes that he was.. it’s a very specific class so i wont mention it just in case but we started talking one day and i was over the moon. It was so easy talking to him and the fact that i already knew so much about him probably made it a lot easier. we started hanging out more and more and even outside of university. our relationship bloomed so quickly and even someone as oblivious as i am started picking up on the signs that he might actually be interested in me. I invited him to dinner often at my mine and introduced him to my childhood friend who i lived with. at some point i started collected things from him. it started small, i would “borrow” his favourite pen, then it was pictures, his favourite cologne, pieces of hair etc etc. he didn’t know i practiced so i was getting away with this quite easily but thinking about it now i don’t think anyones mind would’ve gone there anyway.. at some point i started doing the really serious stuff and using blood magic. this is the stuff that you usually don’t hear about because its a closed practice and few people mess around with it especially when it involves other people. i basically messed with his food during one of my practices. i instantly saw a huge change in our relationship and it was like he finally took that leap that i was hoping for. there was no more subtlety and he made it quite clear what he wanted and that he liked me a lot, bordering on love. i was obviously delighted and it was amazing… for a year or so.
for a while i’ve been getting cold feet. i try not to say it out loud because this is what i wanted and i got what i wanted but its exhausting. he cares a lot about me and our relationship and he’s great but its not what i expected or quite imagined. one thing i learned about myself during this relationship is that i get bored easily and its ruining my relationship. i genuinely thought it was love but i think it was just boredom turned into an obsessive hobby. i don’t know what to do because if i tell him this, i would have to tell him everything. i don’t know if i could ever do that to him. please read this with an open mind, any advice is greatly appreciated.
Just realised I responded to the wrong question (It was very late) – I’m going to come back to this and correct it. Thanks to the girl who let me know
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis!
I’m sorry this might be long. So I grew up in a very toxic, abusive and strict household. I am the eldest daughter so everything was naturally 10x stricter. I never was allowed to go out with friends I was always expected to be at home work and uni with nothing in between. Eventually I got fed up and started to rebel but I’m Somali and everyone knows everyone so I wasn’t comfortable with going out and having fun like a regular person would out of fear of it getting back to my parents. So long story short I basically became a twitter e-girl (I am very ashamed to say this but at the time it felt liberating like I could finally control something about my life and I liked it). I didn’t do full on OF style stuff I just posted risky pictures of myself with no face of course. It was fun but I grew up and realized there was a problem and the hypersexuality was a response to that. I went to therapy, set boundaries at home and dealt with all the negative self-thoughts about myself. I deactivated my nsfw account, repented and became closer to the deen. This is a chapter in my life I closed. What I did was wrong and I deeply regret it but I learned a lot from my mistakes and I am a better person as a result.
here’s the actual problem
I am 25 now and I speaking to this wonderful man he’s so loving, kind and patient with me. I avoided relationships due to my own past but this man persisted and let’s me know he loves me. He’s honestly my number 1 supporter and we’ve discussed starting a family and getting married. Although I was honest with him about my life and upbringing I never told him about the alt account. I’ll leave out the details for the sake of anonymity but a few weeks ago he accidentally saw these photos while he was helping with some technical stuff. Everything I did backed up to my icloud. And He asked me flat out what those photos were and I didn’t have an answer for him. He asked many times again and I just tell him I’m not ready to discuss it now and I promise to talk to him about it later. I’d tell the truth but he’s pious and I’m just so afraid this will be a deal breaker for him. I know I’m delaying the inevitable but I don’t want to come clean and I don’t want to lie to someone I care about. I don’t know what to do
Girl why did you not think of a lie in the moment? Should have said you just liked taking sexy pictures for yourself. Now you look guilty as hell. My goodness man, work on your fast thinking asap!
Just say you wanted to feel good and take cute pictures of yourself to keep on my eyes only or something. Say no one has seen it and girls do it all the time for themselves.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey sis! I pray you and loved ones are all well.
I want to know if I’m a bad person for this. My husband (29) of 8 years had developed a mental health condition 3 years ago. Like most people with a mental illness he was not accepting medical treatment of any kind until a year ago. Before this he accepted treatment his behaviours was getting dangerous, he was constantly angry and accusing me of things I was free from, stalking at work and would get violent with people he thought were out to get him. I have a 4 year old so decided it’s best he moves in with family. Since his treatment he’s been a lot better and is in more control of his illness. He has asked to move back in and reconnect as a family again. The thing is I’m not sure I want him back, This has nothing to do with his condition, the issue is how he was as a husband. He wasn’t a bad husband but wasn’t a good husband either. I haven’t been happy with him for a long time (even before the illness). What I mean is he would do his best to provide and support me with our child but he wasn’t good at being a husband to me We never did much as a couple and would hardly even show each other affection…… I say we but truthfully I would try so much that I felt his rejections were extremely embarrassing for me that I stopped. Imagine you dress up and plan a whole romantic evening only for your husband to ignore you and not even partake in what you planned and just go sleep or do anything else other than be with you. At the beginning of our marriage this was not the case at all. I don’t know when things changed. Was the change due to his illness starting or was it just himself? Either way I don’t want to go back to that situation. I want to be shown love, I want to be wanted. Am I a bad person for feeling this way after he’s gone through so much? Part of me wants to walk away because I don’t see him changing.
Hope this made sense to you and thank you in advance
Is he taking antidepressants?? Loss of libido is a well known side effect of antidepressants medication. Maybe he can talk to his GP about changing the medication or dosage.
But on the other hand, loss of libido is another symptom of depression itself. I’m not really sure, but he definitely needs to talk about this with his GP. Especially if it’s affecting your sex life.
The only thing I can say is you cannot and should not be responsible for anyones mental health but you’re own. You’re not going to see quick results, especially when it regards mental health. If he loses motivation, get his friends together and encourage him to see a professional. He will need support to turn his life around, but you can’t be the only person offering that support.
Ultimately, you deserve a happy, healthy husband. You’re not a bad person at all, you literally put up with this for 3 years.
He can only change his life (not yours) and you can only change your life, not his. Things will not change in your life when he somehow spontaneously decides to change his life, but when you decide you’ve had enough. Look, your situation will not change just because you’re trying so hard to change him. God knows when his condition will improve. If immediate change is what you’re looking for (and tbh what you kinda deserve), it will change when you decide you’ve had enough and anything is better than this.
Anon
3 years ago
Hey girl! I don’t know if this is a big dilemma or if im overthinking but here goes. I’ve been dating this guy for 7 months ( the longest I’ve ever gone dating someone) and now he’s here talking about marriage. Now I’m here thinking about the day to day stuff when living with your spouse. For example I’m sooo lazy when it comes to washing my hair and I’ve got type 4a/4b hair so my hair can legit become xanjo. Is this gonna turn him off? + this brudda has never seen my hair so imagine if he thinks I’ve got soft her and not rough hair. Also I can’t cook to save my life and I hate cleaning. I’m basically just worried about the day to day stuff in general to be honest. Any tips for me pleaseee?
Hair textures doesn’t really matter, it just needs to be looked after i.e: section and oil it. Cleaning tbh can be a problem, because I honestly think that goes hand in hand with your own personal hygiene. When you are a clean person you tend to be clean yourself. So yeah that is really important.
Just Pick Your Shit Up. I’m not some beacon of domestic perfection but as I’ve grown up, my house has become pretty clean at all times. Clean environment makes me feel more at ease and I feel less stressed. Also you don’t have to clean all the time, you can honestly get a cleaner once a week to do the deep cleaning. But you at least need to pick up your own shit
And if you can’t get a cleaner, deep clean everything all at one time. Take a weekend to do this so everything gets legit clean. Then everytime you stand up and leave the room you’re in, you tidy it behind you. Binge watching netflix? Thats fine. You go to pee? Take your dishes to the kitchen. After you pee? Wash the dishes. Then go back to netflix.
Regarding cooking… this coming from someone who did not know how to cook 2 years ago. Wallahi I made it sound more difficult than it actually is. When you have the right seasoning and utensils, its literally a peace of cake. I practically learnt from youtube. You just need to keep practicing.
How do you balance being casual and not wanting to take something to seriously while also being respectful and not seem like a hoe that is speaking to every Tom Dick and Harry? I remember on your CC you said how it’s so important for us girls to date around and see what our options are but how do you do this when we’re already looking at a small pool of guys (Muslim, financially stable, emotionally mature, same interests) and they end up being a small circle that know each other?
Stop talking to guys from the same area, stop talking to guys who are young because they talk too much and have your boundaries. You don’t even have to date properly when you’re getting to know people. It’s honestly not that hard. If you’re talking to a bunch of 25 year olds in the same area don’t be surprised if one day they’re all chilling together at goals LMAO. The dating pool is only small when you are looking in the same place. Widen your horizon girl
Hello. I’m in my late twenties. I keep getting to know guys and it never ends in a relationship. I make my intentions very clear and let my expectations be know . We’ll talk for 1-2 months max and then within that month they’ll show inconsistency and pull away. I always try to communicate but they don’t improve anything. Which makes me lowkey angry to the point I might lash out. I never cuss but I’ll be meaner etc. Then it’s just this back and forth till THEY decide to ghost and sometimes even block me. At this point it has happened so many times that I actually am starting to believe I’m a horrible person. Yes, I struggle setting boundaries and sticking to them. But I feel like I’m just toxic and a poison. I never like the feeling that arise whenever I start being mean. I feel like I’m selfish and whatnot. My friends keep saying that the guys were never that into me to begin with so it has nothing to do with me. Yet I still question myself. It’s always “your amazing person with amazing values but I can not give you what you need at this very moment because not xyz”. It sucks man, it really does. Because if I’m that amazing why does no one actually want to go above and beyond for me. Literally no one. It’s a broken record at this point. I honestly would like some kind of sisterly love right now and not tough love. I already beat myself a lot and get the tough love from friends. I feel like my future to ever get married looks quite somber and idk how to deal with that. At my big age I never had a healthy relationship and I keep being stuck in the his circle. I’m sorry, I’m just rambling now.
Well, you are certainly frustrated and conflicted! You want to date, have had no success, you want to settle down and feel secure! Is this a good approach? you ask.
It isn’t an approach, it is chaotic.
Let’s take your concerns one by one.
1. Tired of dating. OK, You and millions of others. Stay calm.
The problem is you’re not dating, you’re just talking to people. The ‘talking stage’ can be misconstrued as someone actively pursuing commitment, when really they are just trying to get to know you. But theres only so long you can talk to people. It’s a waste of time. This is why I tell people, put a time stamp on this part of getting to know eachother. After the first week someone has your phone number, either you guys go on a date or you stop talking. Because people get bored after talking for too long, its too time consuming. It’s the fastest way to kill the initial spark. Once you guys go out, depending on how well the date goes, you both will be invested.
2. You feel like you’ll never end up with someone but you’re not worth being with.
The only thing that’s wrong with you is that you think something is wrong with you. It’s a numbers game. Keep trying. Keep looking. Be positive. Attitude is everything.
If you date with a purpose, it’s hell. If you date for fun, it’s only fun. And you’d be surprised how often things will come to you the moment you stop looking. I feel that dating comes with a lot of expectations as you spend more and more time. It weighs you down, but the key to the cage is always with you.
3. You feel like no one will go above and beyond for you.
Admit to yourself you want commitment and be open about it. Wanting a loving healthy relationship is nothing to be ashamed or chill about. When you are too scared, you will be afraid to assert your boundaries. And you actually never end up getting what you want. You’d be surprised how many men will want to do the most for you when they know you’re hard to please. However, they will do NOTHING the second they even get a hint that you’re pleased because of the mere fact that they chose you.
Start being assertive in dating. Make it clear your time is important to you and you will disengage if you feel like it’s being wasted.
Hi, I want to plan my wedding but I don’t know how much it would cost in reality. From estimates, my partner and I have tallied up to £15000 for everything (this is maximum) but I think that might be ridiculous. Is this really what other couples are paying for a simple Nikkah and wedding ceremony. West and East African wedding In the UK for reference. Please help a sister out, we really struggling here.
Weddings are so fucking expensive. And they are even more expensive now post covid.
I had a small intimate wedding dinner for 60 people, and the hall charged us around 8k. But this also included the nikkah ceremony in the morning. But still. I was flabbergasted.
Regarding massive weddings, my friends have spent 15-18k on their weddings. Alhamdulilah a lot of them were lucky to have really supportive families to help out. And I think that’s the case for a lot of Somali weddings. Usually the parents from both sides contribute towards the wedding.
And then you have to consider all the other things too:
Dj, Photographer and Videographer
Make Up & Hair
Henna
Wedding Dress/Diraac
Gold
If you’re going to have a bridal shower
This can be an additional 5k if you’re lucky. Emphasis on LUCKY. Photographer and Videographer packages can be 3k itself.
All of that for one night.
Have something small sis, more barakah in it. Don’t stress yourselves out financially for one night and for people to enjoy themselves. Personally I could not justify spending that much when I knew bride’s typically never enjoy their own wedding. I also knew the type of person I was, I didn’t even want to attend my own graduation. Events stress me out too much so imagine being the centre of attention at your own event? Safe. So nothing could convince me to have a wedding even when my Husband really wanted it for me (He thinks I’m gonna wake up one day and wish I got to wear a white dress LOL the day still hasn’t come).
Plan something small, and when they argue with you, be like me and say you spent the entire wedding budget on a fuck off honeymoon. So unless yall niggas are going to pay for this shindig yourselves, I suggest you hold that
If you’re going to advise young women to get married late (in their 30s) you should be vocal about the various issues that arise fertility wise at that age
Go away
Hi!
This is a bit of a weird question but what’s the best way to remove hair in your intimate areas? I try to use those disposable razors and always cut myself especially when I’m trying to get into those hard to reach crevices. I’ve never tried waxing before but it seems to be really expensive and not halal lol.
Stop using razors.
And start using nair hair removal cream (sensitive one). It doesn’t have that horrid smell and hair literally just falls off. And you don’t get any ingrown hairs. But also, maybe start look into waxing. The more you wax, it takes longer for your hair to grow back. And when it does, just use Nair.
Asc sisters,
I’ve been with my current man for 6 years. I moved out of my parents house when I first graduated in 2020. So I can live with him. We are both Somali. My family thinks I moved to a different state for work but really live 30 minutes away. The only reason why I moved in with him is to get an image of what living together would look like. He’s the best! I really can’t say anything bad about him except the fact that every time I bring up marriage he’s very dismissive. I want to marry him but he doesn’t want to marry me. Bills and everything is paid by him. He takes me on vacations every other month. Spoils me rotten. But I don’t know if I should just end it cause it feels like I’ve already wasted 6 years of my life thinking marriage was the end goal. What should I do?
You should repent. ASAP.
Hi sis,
so my story is a bit unconventional from the stories you usually get (i think) but it all started when i was 17 and freshly into university. I met this guy i really really liked, it was instant attraction from my side but i was a very shy so i never gave him any indication that i liked him. i never talked to boys and grew up very sheltered. He on the other hand was quite popular and definitely a lot more extroverted. I stalked him on the internet and did what i do best and watched from the side lines basically. at some point i knew his grandfathers medical history.. it was really bad and i didn’t know it was an obsession till much later. knowing myself and my personality i knew i wasn’t ever going to take that first step and just talk to him so i just did what any sane person would do (not) and started getting into black magic… bc i grew up very religious, black magic is taboo but i also grew up knowing that its very strong, unlike my personality. at first i started doing it to manipulate my own aura and make myself more confident and approachable but as i dove more and more into this, i started finding a lot more darker and stronger practices.
Because i already knew so much about him from his social media, i started taking the same language classes that he was.. it’s a very specific class so i wont mention it just in case but we started talking one day and i was over the moon. It was so easy talking to him and the fact that i already knew so much about him probably made it a lot easier. we started hanging out more and more and even outside of university. our relationship bloomed so quickly and even someone as oblivious as i am started picking up on the signs that he might actually be interested in me. I invited him to dinner often at my mine and introduced him to my childhood friend who i lived with. at some point i started collected things from him. it started small, i would “borrow” his favourite pen, then it was pictures, his favourite cologne, pieces of hair etc etc. he didn’t know i practiced so i was getting away with this quite easily but thinking about it now i don’t think anyones mind would’ve gone there anyway.. at some point i started doing the really serious stuff and using blood magic. this is the stuff that you usually don’t hear about because its a closed practice and few people mess around with it especially when it involves other people. i basically messed with his food during one of my practices. i instantly saw a huge change in our relationship and it was like he finally took that leap that i was hoping for. there was no more subtlety and he made it quite clear what he wanted and that he liked me a lot, bordering on love. i was obviously delighted and it was amazing… for a year or so.
for a while i’ve been getting cold feet. i try not to say it out loud because this is what i wanted and i got what i wanted but its exhausting. he cares a lot about me and our relationship and he’s great but its not what i expected or quite imagined. one thing i learned about myself during this relationship is that i get bored easily and its ruining my relationship. i genuinely thought it was love but i think it was just boredom turned into an obsessive hobby. i don’t know what to do because if i tell him this, i would have to tell him everything. i don’t know if i could ever do that to him. please read this with an open mind, any advice is greatly appreciated.
Just realised I responded to the wrong question (It was very late) – I’m going to come back to this and correct it. Thanks to the girl who let me know
Hey sis!
I’m sorry this might be long. So I grew up in a very toxic, abusive and strict household. I am the eldest daughter so everything was naturally 10x stricter. I never was allowed to go out with friends I was always expected to be at home work and uni with nothing in between. Eventually I got fed up and started to rebel but I’m Somali and everyone knows everyone so I wasn’t comfortable with going out and having fun like a regular person would out of fear of it getting back to my parents. So long story short I basically became a twitter e-girl (I am very ashamed to say this but at the time it felt liberating like I could finally control something about my life and I liked it). I didn’t do full on OF style stuff I just posted risky pictures of myself with no face of course. It was fun but I grew up and realized there was a problem and the hypersexuality was a response to that. I went to therapy, set boundaries at home and dealt with all the negative self-thoughts about myself. I deactivated my nsfw account, repented and became closer to the deen. This is a chapter in my life I closed. What I did was wrong and I deeply regret it but I learned a lot from my mistakes and I am a better person as a result.
here’s the actual problem
I am 25 now and I speaking to this wonderful man he’s so loving, kind and patient with me. I avoided relationships due to my own past but this man persisted and let’s me know he loves me. He’s honestly my number 1 supporter and we’ve discussed starting a family and getting married. Although I was honest with him about my life and upbringing I never told him about the alt account. I’ll leave out the details for the sake of anonymity but a few weeks ago he accidentally saw these photos while he was helping with some technical stuff. Everything I did backed up to my icloud. And He asked me flat out what those photos were and I didn’t have an answer for him. He asked many times again and I just tell him I’m not ready to discuss it now and I promise to talk to him about it later. I’d tell the truth but he’s pious and I’m just so afraid this will be a deal breaker for him. I know I’m delaying the inevitable but I don’t want to come clean and I don’t want to lie to someone I care about. I don’t know what to do
Damn.
Girl why did you not think of a lie in the moment? Should have said you just liked taking sexy pictures for yourself. Now you look guilty as hell. My goodness man, work on your fast thinking asap!
Just say you wanted to feel good and take cute pictures of yourself to keep on my eyes only or something. Say no one has seen it and girls do it all the time for themselves.
Hey sis! I pray you and loved ones are all well.
I want to know if I’m a bad person for this. My husband (29) of 8 years had developed a mental health condition 3 years ago. Like most people with a mental illness he was not accepting medical treatment of any kind until a year ago. Before this he accepted treatment his behaviours was getting dangerous, he was constantly angry and accusing me of things I was free from, stalking at work and would get violent with people he thought were out to get him. I have a 4 year old so decided it’s best he moves in with family. Since his treatment he’s been a lot better and is in more control of his illness. He has asked to move back in and reconnect as a family again. The thing is I’m not sure I want him back, This has nothing to do with his condition, the issue is how he was as a husband. He wasn’t a bad husband but wasn’t a good husband either. I haven’t been happy with him for a long time (even before the illness). What I mean is he would do his best to provide and support me with our child but he wasn’t good at being a husband to me We never did much as a couple and would hardly even show each other affection…… I say we but truthfully I would try so much that I felt his rejections were extremely embarrassing for me that I stopped. Imagine you dress up and plan a whole romantic evening only for your husband to ignore you and not even partake in what you planned and just go sleep or do anything else other than be with you. At the beginning of our marriage this was not the case at all. I don’t know when things changed. Was the change due to his illness starting or was it just himself? Either way I don’t want to go back to that situation. I want to be shown love, I want to be wanted. Am I a bad person for feeling this way after he’s gone through so much? Part of me wants to walk away because I don’t see him changing.
Hope this made sense to you and thank you in advance
Is he taking antidepressants?? Loss of libido is a well known side effect of antidepressants medication. Maybe he can talk to his GP about changing the medication or dosage.
But on the other hand, loss of libido is another symptom of depression itself. I’m not really sure, but he definitely needs to talk about this with his GP. Especially if it’s affecting your sex life.
The only thing I can say is you cannot and should not be responsible for anyones mental health but you’re own. You’re not going to see quick results, especially when it regards mental health. If he loses motivation, get his friends together and encourage him to see a professional. He will need support to turn his life around, but you can’t be the only person offering that support.
Ultimately, you deserve a happy, healthy husband. You’re not a bad person at all, you literally put up with this for 3 years.
He can only change his life (not yours) and you can only change your life, not his. Things will not change in your life when he somehow spontaneously decides to change his life, but when you decide you’ve had enough. Look, your situation will not change just because you’re trying so hard to change him. God knows when his condition will improve. If immediate change is what you’re looking for (and tbh what you kinda deserve), it will change when you decide you’ve had enough and anything is better than this.
Hey girl! I don’t know if this is a big dilemma or if im overthinking but here goes. I’ve been dating this guy for 7 months ( the longest I’ve ever gone dating someone) and now he’s here talking about marriage. Now I’m here thinking about the day to day stuff when living with your spouse. For example I’m sooo lazy when it comes to washing my hair and I’ve got type 4a/4b hair so my hair can legit become xanjo. Is this gonna turn him off? + this brudda has never seen my hair so imagine if he thinks I’ve got soft her and not rough hair. Also I can’t cook to save my life and I hate cleaning. I’m basically just worried about the day to day stuff in general to be honest. Any tips for me pleaseee?
Hair textures doesn’t really matter, it just needs to be looked after i.e: section and oil it. Cleaning tbh can be a problem, because I honestly think that goes hand in hand with your own personal hygiene. When you are a clean person you tend to be clean yourself. So yeah that is really important.
Just Pick Your Shit Up. I’m not some beacon of domestic perfection but as I’ve grown up, my house has become pretty clean at all times. Clean environment makes me feel more at ease and I feel less stressed. Also you don’t have to clean all the time, you can honestly get a cleaner once a week to do the deep cleaning. But you at least need to pick up your own shit
And if you can’t get a cleaner, deep clean everything all at one time. Take a weekend to do this so everything gets legit clean. Then everytime you stand up and leave the room you’re in, you tidy it behind you. Binge watching netflix? Thats fine. You go to pee? Take your dishes to the kitchen. After you pee? Wash the dishes. Then go back to netflix.
Regarding cooking… this coming from someone who did not know how to cook 2 years ago. Wallahi I made it sound more difficult than it actually is. When you have the right seasoning and utensils, its literally a peace of cake. I practically learnt from youtube. You just need to keep practicing.
https://thesisterguide.com/comment-page-83/#comment-2139
Hey sis,
How do you balance being casual and not wanting to take something to seriously while also being respectful and not seem like a hoe that is speaking to every Tom Dick and Harry? I remember on your CC you said how it’s so important for us girls to date around and see what our options are but how do you do this when we’re already looking at a small pool of guys (Muslim, financially stable, emotionally mature, same interests) and they end up being a small circle that know each other?
Stop talking to guys from the same area, stop talking to guys who are young because they talk too much and have your boundaries. You don’t even have to date properly when you’re getting to know people. It’s honestly not that hard. If you’re talking to a bunch of 25 year olds in the same area don’t be surprised if one day they’re all chilling together at goals LMAO. The dating pool is only small when you are looking in the same place. Widen your horizon girl