hi girl
i met a guy from australia and i am from new zealand and he is exactly what i ever wanted we plan on getting married i am bit younger than him (21, 24) we both are ver happy with each other the only problem is the financial part he is still studying and if we get married i dont really want to live separate ( two different countries) but i also dont wanna wait until he graduates for us to get married and i dont know what to do my family would be angry to me if i marry someone who has financial problems but i want to do it the right way and marry him to prevent the haram so what should i do
People need to realise finances take up a ridiculously amount when it comes to marriage. I would even go on to say that’s the foundation.
How can you love each other when you are literally thinking about next months rent? Or when you can barely have enough to take eachother on a date?
When someone tells you that they are FINANCIALLY not ready for marriage – believe them. Because their finances become YOUR finances.
Let him build up first, and the think about marriage. In that time, maybe build up yourself. Marriage isn’t the end all be all.
Anon
2 years ago
Hi so I’ve been talking to this guy for nearly 3 months . We spoke about marriage a couple of times but we’re both young so in my eyes it was never that serious. He caught feelings long story short but I didn’t, the truth is I never had feelings I just wanted to feel loved. He put me on the phone to his mum and we spoke, he wants to link in the summer, I don’t want to free mix and tbf I don’t want a relationship at all yet I’m not ready I want to focus on myself and my deen, I’m insecure and I want to love myself before a man ever loves me. What do I do ? Do I ghost him ?
He is literally driving the ship here (the ship being your future btw) and you’re just going along with it like a headless chicken.
FYI he doesn’t want to get married because he loves you, homeboy just wants to be married end of. You could have been the wall and he would still want to marry you.
Ghost him and his fast family
Anon
2 years ago
Hey sis i really need your help. There’s this guy That’s my acquaintance in real life that I like (we used to work at the same place) . I think he’s cute and he’s my type, ambitious, kind etc. Anyways I really wanna get to know him but don’t know how to go about it. I added him on ig and he added me back but since then it’s been radio silence. And he never posts anything on his story. Should I dm him first or will I come across as thirsty? What would you do? I really can’t ask any of my friends cuz I feel so embarrassed
I wouldn’t dm in first but I would strategically position myself in his life so he has no choice but to approach me (But thats just me tho)
Anon
2 years ago
Hey sisters I love this page so muchhh!!! I love youuu girlsss may Allah protect you alwayssss
So my dilemma/story is basically wallahi I cry on my birthday every year. I can’t explain why I’m so sad around my birthday??? I feel so behind
I always get extremely nostalgic and sad on and leading up to my birthday. I’ve hated my birthday for a long time. I think it stems from disappointment and the fact I don’t like attention. Which is why I will only celebrate things with one person or when I had a really really small wedding/nikkah.
I think a lot of it comes from being out of control also the fact that you’re kinda obligated to feel happy, but the feelings on anxiety of attention kinda ruin it.
But a big part of it is as you get older and you feel you have not accomplished anything and you seem to have wasted a year’s worth of time… so it almost makes you feel like you don’t even deserve a birthday.
Its fucked. And I think that’s why we all dread our birthdays. Because a part of it stems from not being able to lie to yourself anymore. You can’t say all the cool shit you’ll do in future, cause future has already arrived. Your birthday is here now and you haven’t done anything you said you’ll do by that age.
That’s why you have to centre the focus on all the things you do have. Alhamdulilah for even being able to breathe and experience another day of life. To have a home, a degree, money to your name. Theres a lot to be grateful for.
Last edited 2 years ago by Lulu
Anon
2 years ago
Asalamu alaykum, I’d really appreciate some sisterly advice.
I’ve had a ‘best friend’ for over ten years. Life happened, and undoubtedly I could’ve been more of a friend but since getting married I then privately endured some tests that were from Allah. I don’t tell people much things but most stuff I used to tell her. Some of them were tests regarding health and the way my personality is, I tend to go through things silently, I’d only let maybe only close close family members know, but even then I dislike it (e.g I don’t like my own mother share it with her siblings). But she is someone I used to share stuff with all the time. Might be strange to others, but I just see it as my own introverted way of processings life’s hurdles and I really hate the pity that comes along with it.
Recently I noticed she also has been busy, I tried reaching out over the past 6 months consistently. However it seems that our friendship has come to a crossroads, I haven’t addressed it and neither has she? What shall I do? We have a mutual friend who’s close to both of us. Shall I bring it up with her and explain what’s happened? I do hesitate about this because I don’t want her to think I’m backbiting I’m just concerned as I still have love for her.
You’re exactly like me. I don’t tell anyone 100% of my business. But I might share 80% of it with a close friend. But even that is not fair.
Just like how you keep things overwrapped, your friend probably does the same thing. Instead of always going to her just to vent (you probably don’t realise you’re doing this) – go to her for the good things. Share your wins with her or better yet, go to her when you just want a good time.
Some people don’t realise, when you are always coming to people with a problem – they won’t want to be around you. No matter how close you are to them. Sometimes we literally don’t have the energy to deal with your shit ontop of ours. Just for that day too. Most days, I’m sure she’ll be able to deal with everyone times 10. But when you’re exhausted, you’re fucking tired.
Hit her up for a motive and don’t speak to her about any of your problems. After you’ve had fun, check up and on her and ask if she is okay
Anon
2 years ago
Hey girl! Do you think having a naturally intense personality will come across as being over familiar to the opposite gender? I say this because I naturally am really nice, call people ‘babe’, use my hands a lot and I’m really funny but I just feel like this will scare off a lot of men.
Act a little more like a lad with guys you aren’t interested in.. Whenever I’m playing on ps4 I address everyone as bro. sorry. Theres no pet names, if you are just like that with everybody, it is sill confusing. And don’t be coy. Because people will mistake that as being flirtatious. Just be very straight forward.
Anon
2 years ago
Hey sis,
I’ve been seeing my woman for about 8months I’m 26m shes 23f
, she told her mum about us early on as she didn’t wanna feel like she’s sneaking around now her mum is basically saying marry her or just myth it, my point is obvs I wanna marry her, but I just started my career I’m not broke but I’m not flying high just yet I’m so driven and hardworking so I don’t doubt my ability to look after her, what I am concerned about is rushing this to please her mother as we’re still getting to know each other as it’s been a couple months , My issue is actually I have a couple lol, firstly am I right for refusing to rush it, secondly it’s soo hard getting to know someone who’s parents are too strict like I’m somali I know bout strict parents but her mum is very unreasonably strict, cos she knows about us now she constantly thinks she’s going out to see me when that’s not the case, or when we do want to see eachother she wants her brother there and I get it wallahi the whole mahrm ting but sis I’m just clueless wallahi I really love this girl like she’s a rock wallahi logically we fully tick every box, I mean every box. But I’m afraid her mum is just gonna get in the way and if it’s like this soo early on how’s bad is it gonna be when we’re together. I don’t wanna sound like one mad guy but, I understand it’s her mother wallahi totally respect it, isit even my place to say something I’ve mentioned it a few times and she does agree her mums pretty harsh and she’s too miskeen to set boundaries with her. Bro I’m totally in love with this woman and wanna wait a LITTLE while whilst ensuring financial security before I take the responsibility of taking care of the loml as I want to be flawless in doing so just asking for some advice thanks sis
She shouldn’t have told her parents yet if you weren’t ready to get married. She’s excited (but allow her)
This is where you need to communicate. Don’t feel like you are forced into getting married, because the only person who will struggle is you as the provider of the household.
The reality is both of you aren’t on the same page. She wants to get married straight away and it doesn’t help knowing that her practically forcing this on her. She might not even be ready herself, just that feels like she needs to get married.
This is incredibly culturally drive. Maybe getting engaged for a longer period of time might be a gold compromise? Then she and her family feel secure and it buys you some much needed time.
Anon
2 years ago
Hi sis
I’m getting married soon but my hair has been severely damaged I stupidly decided to bleach it and it’s fried. I’m just worried about not being able have my hair all nice as a bride. Would have to wear hijab as weave is not for me for religious reasons. Makes me so sad because I always envisioned me being a bride being the one day I would get to go all out, hair and outfit everythinggggg. Not to mention I’m scared my husband to be will not be attracted to me for having the same length as him hahahaha I want to cry but I must laugh. Wouldn’t even blame him. I have to do this but I’m miserable about what it’ll mean for me my vision is crushed
I know a lot of us girls like to do the most especially when it regards the wedding day. But relax, in fact you can wear a beautiful lovely WHITE hijab (or a wig but I aint advising you loool).
If he loves you, he is getting married to you. REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. Once they are married to you, trust me they get very used to what you look like. I get at first you need to act up and look like a young razzle dazzle – but sis. They don’t care. Most days I look like albert einstein on meth and my husband is still here.
Anon
2 years ago
Hey babe,
so i met this girl in university and we instantly hit it off. She literally turned into my sister. Her parents loved me and i so did my family. Then i started realising that there was a pattern in how she communicated with me. She’s was all sweet and lovely but only if she was single or going through something. At first i was abit taken aback and i thought wtf so i spoke tk her like what’s going on because i was genuinely worried at how much she distanced herself. once they broke up she apologised profusely for leaving me hanging and not making time for me. Second time, it’s a new man and they had a rocky start so she’d only message me when there was an issue apart from that just AIR! Only would come to ve for advise or help with fixing her mistakes. I’m like a mother hen so although it was stupid of me.l, i literally hate seeing people i care about distressed. This time i confronted her and said that i can clearly see what’s going on. I don’t appreciate being benched for every tom dick and harry that comes into her life. Third time she started dating another guy and it was serious. The relationship was pretty serious and this girl decided to just make some shitty excuse to not see me for my birthday but then call me straight after to make plans for her man and hers anniversary even though she wasn’t his girlfriend yet. so i just distanced myself from her completely. A couple months went by and we didn’t speak as much just hi etc. Recently her life turned upside down and guess who the first person she called balling her eyes out was? Me! I supported her like usual and she apologised so much and said she’s so sorry for neglecting our friendship. She even acknowledged the fact that she left me hanging cos of her new relationship. now that i’ve gotten her through that dark period, shes stopped replying to me again. I don’t know whether to just outright tell her to fuck off and never contact me again or to just ignore her when the time comes. I’m so hurt as she’s someone i love dearly but i don’t appreciate feeling disposable at every green light that goes off in her life when i’m literally the only person helping her reach her potential. It’s so crazy because i’m the only person that knows her life but she makes time for people she doesn’t even trust 24/7. Birthdays, graduation, wedding but when it comes to me it’s pim.
I could come up with some many justifications as to why shes behaving this way with you but we both know what it is. She doesn’t want advice, she just wants to talk to a wall. Someone who will just hear her venting and not hear anything back. That’s okay for a while, but shes been doing this for far too long.
Listen. I have a question for you first: You say “I have a best friend….” but the behavior you describe is not anything I would consider to be “best friend” behavior. It doesn’t even qualify as “friend” behavior. And as for your question “Should I still be friends with her?”, what makes you think you are? I recommend that you do NOT have a “break-up” conversation with her, just tell her you’re busy next time she calls with her stress. Then be busy with your own life.
Can you please answer more questions, girl you’ve been inactive for so long! I literally check your page every day for new posts🤣
WE ARE BACK!!!!
hi girl
i met a guy from australia and i am from new zealand and he is exactly what i ever wanted we plan on getting married i am bit younger than him (21, 24) we both are ver happy with each other the only problem is the financial part he is still studying and if we get married i dont really want to live separate ( two different countries) but i also dont wanna wait until he graduates for us to get married and i dont know what to do my family would be angry to me if i marry someone who has financial problems but i want to do it the right way and marry him to prevent the haram so what should i do
Love isn’t enough unfortunately.
People need to realise finances take up a ridiculously amount when it comes to marriage. I would even go on to say that’s the foundation.
How can you love each other when you are literally thinking about next months rent? Or when you can barely have enough to take eachother on a date?
When someone tells you that they are FINANCIALLY not ready for marriage – believe them. Because their finances become YOUR finances.
Let him build up first, and the think about marriage. In that time, maybe build up yourself. Marriage isn’t the end all be all.
Hi so I’ve been talking to this guy for nearly 3 months . We spoke about marriage a couple of times but we’re both young so in my eyes it was never that serious. He caught feelings long story short but I didn’t, the truth is I never had feelings I just wanted to feel loved. He put me on the phone to his mum and we spoke, he wants to link in the summer, I don’t want to free mix and tbf I don’t want a relationship at all yet I’m not ready I want to focus on myself and my deen, I’m insecure and I want to love myself before a man ever loves me. What do I do ? Do I ghost him ?
What is wrong with you?
Stand UP.
He is literally driving the ship here (the ship being your future btw) and you’re just going along with it like a headless chicken.
FYI he doesn’t want to get married because he loves you, homeboy just wants to be married end of. You could have been the wall and he would still want to marry you.
Ghost him and his fast family
Hey sis i really need your help. There’s this guy That’s my acquaintance in real life that I like (we used to work at the same place) . I think he’s cute and he’s my type, ambitious, kind etc. Anyways I really wanna get to know him but don’t know how to go about it. I added him on ig and he added me back but since then it’s been radio silence. And he never posts anything on his story. Should I dm him first or will I come across as thirsty? What would you do? I really can’t ask any of my friends cuz I feel so embarrassed
I wouldn’t dm in first but I would strategically position myself in his life so he has no choice but to approach me (But thats just me tho)
Hey sisters I love this page so muchhh!!! I love youuu girlsss may Allah protect you alwayssss
So my dilemma/story is basically wallahi I cry on my birthday every year. I can’t explain why I’m so sad around my birthday??? I feel so behind
Same sis.
I always get extremely nostalgic and sad on and leading up to my birthday. I’ve hated my birthday for a long time. I think it stems from disappointment and the fact I don’t like attention. Which is why I will only celebrate things with one person or when I had a really really small wedding/nikkah.
I think a lot of it comes from being out of control also the fact that you’re kinda obligated to feel happy, but the feelings on anxiety of attention kinda ruin it.
But a big part of it is as you get older and you feel you have not accomplished anything and you seem to have wasted a year’s worth of time… so it almost makes you feel like you don’t even deserve a birthday.
Its fucked. And I think that’s why we all dread our birthdays. Because a part of it stems from not being able to lie to yourself anymore. You can’t say all the cool shit you’ll do in future, cause future has already arrived. Your birthday is here now and you haven’t done anything you said you’ll do by that age.
That’s why you have to centre the focus on all the things you do have. Alhamdulilah for even being able to breathe and experience another day of life. To have a home, a degree, money to your name. Theres a lot to be grateful for.
Asalamu alaykum, I’d really appreciate some sisterly advice.
I’ve had a ‘best friend’ for over ten years. Life happened, and undoubtedly I could’ve been more of a friend but since getting married I then privately endured some tests that were from Allah. I don’t tell people much things but most stuff I used to tell her. Some of them were tests regarding health and the way my personality is, I tend to go through things silently, I’d only let maybe only close close family members know, but even then I dislike it (e.g I don’t like my own mother share it with her siblings). But she is someone I used to share stuff with all the time. Might be strange to others, but I just see it as my own introverted way of processings life’s hurdles and I really hate the pity that comes along with it.
Recently I noticed she also has been busy, I tried reaching out over the past 6 months consistently. However it seems that our friendship has come to a crossroads, I haven’t addressed it and neither has she? What shall I do? We have a mutual friend who’s close to both of us. Shall I bring it up with her and explain what’s happened? I do hesitate about this because I don’t want her to think I’m backbiting I’m just concerned as I still have love for her.
Thank you in advance for taking the time
You’re exactly like me. I don’t tell anyone 100% of my business. But I might share 80% of it with a close friend. But even that is not fair.
Just like how you keep things overwrapped, your friend probably does the same thing. Instead of always going to her just to vent (you probably don’t realise you’re doing this) – go to her for the good things. Share your wins with her or better yet, go to her when you just want a good time.
Some people don’t realise, when you are always coming to people with a problem – they won’t want to be around you. No matter how close you are to them. Sometimes we literally don’t have the energy to deal with your shit ontop of ours. Just for that day too. Most days, I’m sure she’ll be able to deal with everyone times 10. But when you’re exhausted, you’re fucking tired.
Hit her up for a motive and don’t speak to her about any of your problems. After you’ve had fun, check up and on her and ask if she is okay
Hey girl! Do you think having a naturally intense personality will come across as being over familiar to the opposite gender? I say this because I naturally am really nice, call people ‘babe’, use my hands a lot and I’m really funny but I just feel like this will scare off a lot of men.
It depends on who you’re taking too.
Act a little more like a lad with guys you aren’t interested in.. Whenever I’m playing on ps4 I address everyone as bro. sorry. Theres no pet names, if you are just like that with everybody, it is sill confusing. And don’t be coy. Because people will mistake that as being flirtatious. Just be very straight forward.
Hey sis,
I’ve been seeing my woman for about 8months I’m 26m shes 23f
, she told her mum about us early on as she didn’t wanna feel like she’s sneaking around now her mum is basically saying marry her or just myth it, my point is obvs I wanna marry her, but I just started my career I’m not broke but I’m not flying high just yet I’m so driven and hardworking so I don’t doubt my ability to look after her, what I am concerned about is rushing this to please her mother as we’re still getting to know each other as it’s been a couple months , My issue is actually I have a couple lol, firstly am I right for refusing to rush it, secondly it’s soo hard getting to know someone who’s parents are too strict like I’m somali I know bout strict parents but her mum is very unreasonably strict, cos she knows about us now she constantly thinks she’s going out to see me when that’s not the case, or when we do want to see eachother she wants her brother there and I get it wallahi the whole mahrm ting but sis I’m just clueless wallahi I really love this girl like she’s a rock wallahi logically we fully tick every box, I mean every box. But I’m afraid her mum is just gonna get in the way and if it’s like this soo early on how’s bad is it gonna be when we’re together. I don’t wanna sound like one mad guy but, I understand it’s her mother wallahi totally respect it, isit even my place to say something I’ve mentioned it a few times and she does agree her mums pretty harsh and she’s too miskeen to set boundaries with her. Bro I’m totally in love with this woman and wanna wait a LITTLE while whilst ensuring financial security before I take the responsibility of taking care of the loml as I want to be flawless in doing so just asking for some advice thanks sis
She shouldn’t have told her parents yet if you weren’t ready to get married. She’s excited (but allow her)
This is where you need to communicate. Don’t feel like you are forced into getting married, because the only person who will struggle is you as the provider of the household.
The reality is both of you aren’t on the same page. She wants to get married straight away and it doesn’t help knowing that her practically forcing this on her. She might not even be ready herself, just that feels like she needs to get married.
This is incredibly culturally drive. Maybe getting engaged for a longer period of time might be a gold compromise? Then she and her family feel secure and it buys you some much needed time.
Hi sis
I’m getting married soon but my hair has been severely damaged I stupidly decided to bleach it and it’s fried. I’m just worried about not being able have my hair all nice as a bride. Would have to wear hijab as weave is not for me for religious reasons. Makes me so sad because I always envisioned me being a bride being the one day I would get to go all out, hair and outfit everythinggggg. Not to mention I’m scared my husband to be will not be attracted to me for having the same length as him hahahaha I want to cry but I must laugh. Wouldn’t even blame him. I have to do this but I’m miserable about what it’ll mean for me my vision is crushed
Chill.
I know a lot of us girls like to do the most especially when it regards the wedding day. But relax, in fact you can wear a beautiful lovely WHITE hijab (or a wig but I aint advising you loool).
If he loves you, he is getting married to you. REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. Once they are married to you, trust me they get very used to what you look like. I get at first you need to act up and look like a young razzle dazzle – but sis. They don’t care. Most days I look like albert einstein on meth and my husband is still here.
Hey babe,
so i met this girl in university and we instantly hit it off. She literally turned into my sister. Her parents loved me and i so did my family. Then i started realising that there was a pattern in how she communicated with me. She’s was all sweet and lovely but only if she was single or going through something. At first i was abit taken aback and i thought wtf so i spoke tk her like what’s going on because i was genuinely worried at how much she distanced herself. once they broke up she apologised profusely for leaving me hanging and not making time for me. Second time, it’s a new man and they had a rocky start so she’d only message me when there was an issue apart from that just AIR! Only would come to ve for advise or help with fixing her mistakes. I’m like a mother hen so although it was stupid of me.l, i literally hate seeing people i care about distressed. This time i confronted her and said that i can clearly see what’s going on. I don’t appreciate being benched for every tom dick and harry that comes into her life. Third time she started dating another guy and it was serious. The relationship was pretty serious and this girl decided to just make some shitty excuse to not see me for my birthday but then call me straight after to make plans for her man and hers anniversary even though she wasn’t his girlfriend yet. so i just distanced myself from her completely. A couple months went by and we didn’t speak as much just hi etc. Recently her life turned upside down and guess who the first person she called balling her eyes out was? Me! I supported her like usual and she apologised so much and said she’s so sorry for neglecting our friendship. She even acknowledged the fact that she left me hanging cos of her new relationship. now that i’ve gotten her through that dark period, shes stopped replying to me again. I don’t know whether to just outright tell her to fuck off and never contact me again or to just ignore her when the time comes. I’m so hurt as she’s someone i love dearly but i don’t appreciate feeling disposable at every green light that goes off in her life when i’m literally the only person helping her reach her potential. It’s so crazy because i’m the only person that knows her life but she makes time for people she doesn’t even trust 24/7. Birthdays, graduation, wedding but when it comes to me it’s pim.
Look.
I could come up with some many justifications as to why shes behaving this way with you but we both know what it is. She doesn’t want advice, she just wants to talk to a wall. Someone who will just hear her venting and not hear anything back. That’s okay for a while, but shes been doing this for far too long.
Listen. I have a question for you first: You say “I have a best friend….” but the behavior you describe is not anything I would consider to be “best friend” behavior. It doesn’t even qualify as “friend” behavior. And as for your question “Should I still be friends with her?”, what makes you think you are? I recommend that you do NOT have a “break-up” conversation with her, just tell her you’re busy next time she calls with her stress. Then be busy with your own life.