Long story short, I saw my best friend’s fiancee out at a restaurant alone with another girl. Soo doon was done one month ago, and everyone knows the wedding is coming. I was out with my two cousins to a restaurant and I saw him talking and laughing with this girl. I have not seen her before as I’m very close to the couple. I know of his family and friends. I was sat at a different section of the restaurant than him so I don’t think he saw me, at least I didn’t clock it if he did. He does not have close girl friends he hangs out with that I’ve seen. I’m too scared to tell my friend what I saw because I’m worried that I’m wrecking a home, our friendship, and her future marriage. I also dont want to keep this to myself and later find out that this was cheating and I could have saved her from the heartbreak. This happened yesterday and I havent told her yet but the longer I wait to tell her the more I feel like I should just keep that to myslf. Am I wrong? How can I protect her and them?
Because lets just say this girl he saw was his aunty or his cousin – imagine you ran off to tell the bride-to-be and create a whole situation? Who looks like the idiot out destroy someone’s wedding?
You
Let’s say you did see him and it was quite clear he was cheating, I still would tell you to mind your business. I’ve seen too many friends get burnt trying to warn their friends.
Doesn’t matter how close of best friends you are, nothing compares to the companionship a woman gets from a man. She wouldn’t believe you until she sees it with her own two eyes, and for some women – that still isn’t enough for them to see sense.
SubhanAllah the soulless eyes is a key one, sins show on the face!
Just thought we needed to add one vital one to the list.
If he has a fetish 😭- big big sign because fetishes are first seen on porn.
Also could you elaborate on the weed part 👀 Never thought of that
It just ruins relationships, also apparently weed is an aphrodisiac. So alot of people who get high, want to immediately have sex. Now imagine trying to date someone in the beginning stages and he is just high and horny all the time??
Anon
2 years ago
Hey girls,
I’ve spent most of my late teens and early twenties putting 100% in meaningless flings and situationships and not getting much back. I’d meet boys and we’d like each other’s vibe, go out and enjoy each other’s company and somehow few months later it ends up fizzling out and I feel yet again used, hurt and brushed to the side like I don’t matter. I’d have conversations with them about what they want and the intentions they have for me but i always feel like they’d say what I want to hear to butter me up. Anyways, I’ve finally found myself and taken time out to really be comfortable being alone and loving myself but I really want to meet my person and be loved the way I love. How do I make sure the next person I talk to isn’t going to be like the others? How do I make sure I won’t be blinded again and get hurt?
Xx
You just have to be willing to take your chances again. If you meet someone who is questionable, you don’t stick around. You aren’t going to change anyone, so you move on. You have to decide if it’s worth the risk. You should know within a short period of time if someone is worth the risk, not after you’ve spent months trying to convince yourself or them that they can change. You set your list of non negotiable demands for yourself and live by it. Yours would include: no cheating, no lying, no drugs, no alcohol.
Listen to your gut.
Your issue is not that you need to trust men. It is your trust in your own judgment that has been broken. To rebuild trust in yourself, you have to commit to building up your self-love and self-honesty.
Honestly for things like this you can practice this is little, easy ways at first. Like decide what time you will do skincare that day, then do it. No fudging, no changing. Work your way up from tiny things like that to bigger things. Always keep your word. In this case, it is even a word, but just your intention to yourself. Same thing, though. If you can’t even keep little things, you can’t be trusted with bigger ones. When you’ve practiced this for a while, you develop self-trust in actions and you deal with other people.
Idk maybe its silly but I feel like this leads to other forms of self-trust. Because when I look after myself and I commit to doing it, when I say look after myself I really mean just doing what I said I would do. That means get rid of people who get in the way of that.
You have to develop the ability to see clearly. It takes time but you can do it. When you’ve mastered that, you can’t be fooled by ANYONE.
Anon
2 years ago
I’m feeling extremely depressed at my life. I’m in my early 20’s, who alhamdulillah is accomplished careerwise but I feel stuck in my teens. My mum expects me to help her with raising my siblings, clean the house etc, help financially but won’t let me make adult decisions e.g I wanted to go on holiday with my friends and she flipped when I brought it up to her. She refused and my friends went ahead without me. I’ve accepted my reality that this is my life but I can’t help but feel like this cannot be it. I’ve been thinking of getting married just so I can be free to live my life how I please but I don’t want to resort to this. Please any advice on how to get more freedom as a unmarried Muslimah?
Don’t use marriage as a distraction for your own life.
Some people enter into relationships because they’re bored with their lack of passion and purpose in their own lives, and instead of searching within to figure out why, they think getting married will solve all their problems. There are far too many people who marry only to be cared for because they are avoiding growing up and addressing the real issue, which is themselves.
The only way you’re going to get your freedom is if you fight for it.
If you think this makes you a bad kid it doesn’t. I have never so much as raised my voice to my parents but I’m so firm with them. And you know what, they respect me way more as an adult.
Whatever you do, just don’t get married to have freedom. You’ll just end up going from one cage into another if you’re not careful
Anon
2 years ago
Salam girls! So there’s this guy I’m talking to & he have done everything right by including family right of the bat so we can keep things halal. He had shown interest in me some years ago but I didn’t take him seriously back then bc I knew he was talking to another girl & she was very into him but they didn’t get married (not sure why). And now she’s married to another guy. So now he showed interest again & I agreed to get to know him. Things have been wonderful & we are discussing marriage. But I can’t help but think that I’m a runner up. I really want to ask him why they didn’t get married, why he came back to me after she got married. Was it a coincidence? Was he not ready back then but she didn’t want to wait for him? Is he still in love with her? I’m beating myself up with these thoughts & how I might just be a convenient person. Any thoughts?
Hmmm now that I’m older, I would just say this is just a part of life, and the dating selection process. People break up all the time with someone they considered their first choice. And eventually, they select other partners. Ok, maybe your man did want to be with a certain girl and it didn’t work out. So, he moved on with you. You shouldn’t take it personally unless he treats you second rate.
Also, pick and choose what hill you’re willing to die on. Because bringing it to his attention, you might just make that feeling more real. If he believes you are his choice, let him believe so. Why plant the seed of doubt if ultimately anyway you still want to be with him.
But if I’m being completely honest with you, typically these feelings have less to do with someone’s partner and more to do with their own deeper feelings of internalised insecurity and self-doubt. If being with your partner is triggering feelings of being second best, think about where those feelings came from. In general, we tend to be drawn to partners that feel similar to what we experienced in childhood because doing so reinforces the main opinions we established about ourselves during childhood.
For instance, someone who felt second best while growing up may unknowingly seek out these types of relationships, which would reinforce the underlying negative belief of not feeling good enough. But there’s a difference though between feeling like a backup and actually being treated like one for example if he constantly compares you to her. If he doesn’t do that, there honestly shouldn’t be a problem. Choose wisely what hill you want to die over.
Don’t stress
Anon
2 years ago
How do I know if he’s playing me or not he says I’m the longest time he’s been speaking to somebody and when I try to air him out of pettiness and mood swings he will come back. I’m starting to like him but want to protect myself from getting hurt
Hi, just trying to understand females. I’ve been hearing “my money is mine and yours is mine”. I understand house wife’s who need support but if your potential works, how can my money be hers too? Ain’t it suppose to be 50/50 and gifts here and there ofcourse. I don’t get how a man’s majority paycheck goes on everything and she what stacks ????
Bro. You have to take it up with God. It is literally the word of Allah.
Women in Islam do not shoulder any financial obligations in a marriage. It is the man who shoulders this responsibility. Because a woman’s husband is responsible for her and the children’s support, her actual earnings are completely under her authority and solely for her use. No matter how wealthy the wife is, bruv she could be an heiress for all I care, she is ISLAMICALLY not obligated to help support you. If she want’s to do that, cool – good for her. But she doesn’t have to.
I’m sorry to break it down to you but your wife also has rights to your money.
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means”
[an-Nisa; 4:34]
In fact, if you can’t fulfil this – this is grounds for a divorce and islamically, she can even refuse to be intimate with you on the grounds that you cannot look after her.
I told you homie I don’t make the rules!!
Anon
2 years ago
Hi, I just wanted some ‘big sister’ advice on something that’s been bugging me for a while. And that’s the issue, it’s just been bugging me, and not truly hit me. I’m a female, 18, going to med school Inshallah, but I feel as though although I’m quite ‘accomplished’, I don’t have the look. I’m overweight (80kg at 5’4) and have honestly not paid any mind to my appearance at all through secondary school and sixth form (all girls). I even had my braces off at 13, but have since then let my teeth get a bit wonky over the years by neglecting my retainers.
I just feel so dumpy and heavy compared to other girls my age, and don’t know where to begin in terms of getting my ‘life’ together. I know looks aren’t anything, but it’s getting to the point where I hate leaving the house, I’m cancelling plans and have stopped buying clothes. My mum used to get at me years ago, and I ignored her in the name of *body positivity*, and now I think she’s settled because I’m doing good at school. I’m meant to be in the best shape of my life right now, but I just feel like sh*t. It was only starting Y13 this year that I realised how big I actually am.
Do you have any advice on how to lose weight at my age, and how to maintain a lifestyle through uni etc? I think I need someone to be quite frank with me ngl, I just honestly hate how I feel but not enough to do anything :/
Thank you so so much.
You have to figure out why you want to lose weight, and you need to emphasise that constantly. Don’t go a day without reminding yourself why you’re doing it. And when you mess up, remind yourself again.
One thing I’ll never encourage again because I did it before, was find fast ways to lose weight whenever I wanted to fit into something. It’s not healthy and you just end up gaining it all back and then some. Give yourself achievable and measurable goals. For example, look into intermittent fasting. Eat between the hours of 10am – 6pm. It’s actually recommended by Doctors. For the first few weeks getting used to it, eat whatever you want between those hours. And then once your body gets used to eating only between those hours, start introducing healthier meals.
If binge eating is your biggest issue (which it is for most people who gain weight) – find the root cause. I remember after my thyroid surgery, I became so anxious and my hormones were all over the place and it didn’t help the fact that this was all during exam season. So I had so much work to catch up on, I didn’t realise snacking all the time became my coping mechanism and it was a hard addiction to break. Wallahi sometimes even as an adult, its very easy to fall back into that pattern, especially if you’re a muslim. Because what other vice can you have lool literally, its not like you can smoke or drink.
Focus more on your diet first for a few months, because theres no point going to the gym without having a good diet. Not sure what the saying is but basically majority of weight loss is diet, and a portion of it is working out.
Then slowly introduce more cardio in your life. Take more walks & you can listen to a podcast instead of music, getting off a stop or two earlier when travelling, take the stairs instead of the lift. Then slowly start going gym, but before you scare yourself – commit to a gym class.
Don’t sleep on gym classes! It’s scary at first, but wallahi I can only use the main gym after my body preps itself during gym classes. I get more stronger and I become more confident to use the big space in the actual gym. If your gym has a body pump class, go to one.
I honestly need to take my own advice myself loooool I’m so busy with studies and placement preparation that I need to dedicate to this myself. Uno what, after I come back from holiday – Imma commit to every single thing I suggested now. We can do it together sis.
Anon
2 years ago
I know everyone’s timing is different but how soon after should u expect a man to Initiate a meet up. Also what about a phonecall. Say if you’ve done voice notes but you’ve never had an acc phonecall how often should u expect it in the early stages. And if he does ask to meet what are some good first date topics pls I know convo will flown naturally but what are some things to ask
Talking on the phone for longer than 2 weeks is unnecessary. The longer you delay meeting up, you are less inclined to do it. And then the relationship just ends up fizzling out.
On a date the best things to talk about is travel stories, things they do for work, favourite shows, aspirations, dreams etc.
Don’t talk about past, friends, or best friends.
Basically don’t bring in “people” into your discussions.
Anon
2 years ago
Salama alaikum sis. So this guy I’ve been talking for about a year and we are supposed to get married in 8 months just recently brought something serious to my attention and said that he sponsored a family member from back home as his wife and he’s tryna bring her to Canada cuz their family has been suffering and they needed help from their daughter. I did some research about the process and it ain’t easy. I told him to cancel the process and he told me he can but she’s about to come anytime soon. Am I wrong for wanting to end things but I just want genuine advice on what I should do
If he brings her to Canada, he will be legally married to her. That’s the only way he could even bring her there.
Read that again. If he brings her to CANADA, he will legally be her husband. That means you, won’t be able to marry him legally. And if you don’t marry him legally, you won’t be entitled to anything if you were to create a future with him. And not only that, but she will have more rights to him legally than you would as his wife islamically. You don’t live in a country that practices shariah law. You’re in a white man’s land.
ON TOP OF THAT
He becomes financially responsible for her.
On the flip side of the coin, have you ever thought about the possibility that they’re actually married and you just don’t know??? We’ve heard time and time again about men having 2nd wives back home everyday b – and this would be the perfect cover up. “I’m just sponsoring a family member.” Boy bye.
Him telling you that she’s struggling and that its hard for her is none of your business. She’s not your family? Why should you compromise your future for someone you don’t even know? That’s such a big ask and he shouldn’t ask that from you how dare he??
Why should you share your husband to be for a complete and utter stranger?
I’m so sorry but I do not respect this man in the slightest. He made his bed, he made his decision, why is he bringing you down with him??
Also, islamically this isn’t right. It’s not even allowed.
“A fake marriage is forbidden from a religious perspective, due to the wrong intentions behind it, and because this contract goes beyond the legitimate purposes, and contains contradictory conditions for its purpose. Therefore, it is forbidden for anyone who believes in Allah and the last day to take part in something like this.”
Wallahi sis you need to think about self preservation here. Have you ever stopped to think about what you gain from this other than grief and sacrifrice??? Is he financially stable enough to even support this woman? Because if he doesn’t best believe it’s only going to be you that suffers. Anything is better than this.
There are plenty more fish in the sea, put this one right back where you found him.
Long story short, I saw my best friend’s fiancee out at a restaurant alone with another girl. Soo doon was done one month ago, and everyone knows the wedding is coming. I was out with my two cousins to a restaurant and I saw him talking and laughing with this girl. I have not seen her before as I’m very close to the couple. I know of his family and friends. I was sat at a different section of the restaurant than him so I don’t think he saw me, at least I didn’t clock it if he did. He does not have close girl friends he hangs out with that I’ve seen. I’m too scared to tell my friend what I saw because I’m worried that I’m wrecking a home, our friendship, and her future marriage. I also dont want to keep this to myself and later find out that this was cheating and I could have saved her from the heartbreak. This happened yesterday and I havent told her yet but the longer I wait to tell her the more I feel like I should just keep that to myslf. Am I wrong? How can I protect her and them?
Don’t worry about her, protect yourself.
Because lets just say this girl he saw was his aunty or his cousin – imagine you ran off to tell the bride-to-be and create a whole situation? Who looks like the idiot out destroy someone’s wedding?
You
Let’s say you did see him and it was quite clear he was cheating, I still would tell you to mind your business. I’ve seen too many friends get burnt trying to warn their friends.
Doesn’t matter how close of best friends you are, nothing compares to the companionship a woman gets from a man. She wouldn’t believe you until she sees it with her own two eyes, and for some women – that still isn’t enough for them to see sense.
https://thesisterguide.com/comment-page-89/#comment-2357
SubhanAllah the soulless eyes is a key one, sins show on the face!
Just thought we needed to add one vital one to the list.
If he has a fetish 😭- big big sign because fetishes are first seen on porn.
Also could you elaborate on the weed part 👀 Never thought of that
It just ruins relationships, also apparently weed is an aphrodisiac. So alot of people who get high, want to immediately have sex. Now imagine trying to date someone in the beginning stages and he is just high and horny all the time??
Hey girls,
I’ve spent most of my late teens and early twenties putting 100% in meaningless flings and situationships and not getting much back. I’d meet boys and we’d like each other’s vibe, go out and enjoy each other’s company and somehow few months later it ends up fizzling out and I feel yet again used, hurt and brushed to the side like I don’t matter. I’d have conversations with them about what they want and the intentions they have for me but i always feel like they’d say what I want to hear to butter me up. Anyways, I’ve finally found myself and taken time out to really be comfortable being alone and loving myself but I really want to meet my person and be loved the way I love. How do I make sure the next person I talk to isn’t going to be like the others? How do I make sure I won’t be blinded again and get hurt?
Xx
You just have to be willing to take your chances again. If you meet someone who is questionable, you don’t stick around. You aren’t going to change anyone, so you move on. You have to decide if it’s worth the risk. You should know within a short period of time if someone is worth the risk, not after you’ve spent months trying to convince yourself or them that they can change. You set your list of non negotiable demands for yourself and live by it. Yours would include: no cheating, no lying, no drugs, no alcohol.
Listen to your gut.
Your issue is not that you need to trust men. It is your trust in your own judgment that has been broken. To rebuild trust in yourself, you have to commit to building up your self-love and self-honesty.
Honestly for things like this you can practice this is little, easy ways at first. Like decide what time you will do skincare that day, then do it. No fudging, no changing. Work your way up from tiny things like that to bigger things. Always keep your word. In this case, it is even a word, but just your intention to yourself. Same thing, though. If you can’t even keep little things, you can’t be trusted with bigger ones. When you’ve practiced this for a while, you develop self-trust in actions and you deal with other people.
Idk maybe its silly but I feel like this leads to other forms of self-trust. Because when I look after myself and I commit to doing it, when I say look after myself I really mean just doing what I said I would do. That means get rid of people who get in the way of that.
You have to develop the ability to see clearly. It takes time but you can do it. When you’ve mastered that, you can’t be fooled by ANYONE.
I’m feeling extremely depressed at my life. I’m in my early 20’s, who alhamdulillah is accomplished careerwise but I feel stuck in my teens. My mum expects me to help her with raising my siblings, clean the house etc, help financially but won’t let me make adult decisions e.g I wanted to go on holiday with my friends and she flipped when I brought it up to her. She refused and my friends went ahead without me. I’ve accepted my reality that this is my life but I can’t help but feel like this cannot be it. I’ve been thinking of getting married just so I can be free to live my life how I please but I don’t want to resort to this. Please any advice on how to get more freedom as a unmarried Muslimah?
Don’t use marriage as a distraction for your own life.
Some people enter into relationships because they’re bored with their lack of passion and purpose in their own lives, and instead of searching within to figure out why, they think getting married will solve all their problems. There are far too many people who marry only to be cared for because they are avoiding growing up and addressing the real issue, which is themselves.
The only way you’re going to get your freedom is if you fight for it.
If you think this makes you a bad kid it doesn’t. I have never so much as raised my voice to my parents but I’m so firm with them. And you know what, they respect me way more as an adult.
Whatever you do, just don’t get married to have freedom. You’ll just end up going from one cage into another if you’re not careful
Salam girls! So there’s this guy I’m talking to & he have done everything right by including family right of the bat so we can keep things halal. He had shown interest in me some years ago but I didn’t take him seriously back then bc I knew he was talking to another girl & she was very into him but they didn’t get married (not sure why). And now she’s married to another guy. So now he showed interest again & I agreed to get to know him. Things have been wonderful & we are discussing marriage. But I can’t help but think that I’m a runner up. I really want to ask him why they didn’t get married, why he came back to me after she got married. Was it a coincidence? Was he not ready back then but she didn’t want to wait for him? Is he still in love with her? I’m beating myself up with these thoughts & how I might just be a convenient person. Any thoughts?
Hmmm now that I’m older, I would just say this is just a part of life, and the dating selection process. People break up all the time with someone they considered their first choice. And eventually, they select other partners. Ok, maybe your man did want to be with a certain girl and it didn’t work out. So, he moved on with you. You shouldn’t take it personally unless he treats you second rate.
Also, pick and choose what hill you’re willing to die on. Because bringing it to his attention, you might just make that feeling more real. If he believes you are his choice, let him believe so. Why plant the seed of doubt if ultimately anyway you still want to be with him.
But if I’m being completely honest with you, typically these feelings have less to do with someone’s partner and more to do with their own deeper feelings of internalised insecurity and self-doubt. If being with your partner is triggering feelings of being second best, think about where those feelings came from. In general, we tend to be drawn to partners that feel similar to what we experienced in childhood because doing so reinforces the main opinions we established about ourselves during childhood.
For instance, someone who felt second best while growing up may unknowingly seek out these types of relationships, which would reinforce the underlying negative belief of not feeling good enough. But there’s a difference though between feeling like a backup and actually being treated like one for example if he constantly compares you to her. If he doesn’t do that, there honestly shouldn’t be a problem. Choose wisely what hill you want to die over.
Don’t stress
How do I know if he’s playing me or not he says I’m the longest time he’s been speaking to somebody and when I try to air him out of pettiness and mood swings he will come back. I’m starting to like him but want to protect myself from getting hurt
I promise you he doesn’t know what he wants.
But what he does want is to waste your time.
Hi, just trying to understand females. I’ve been hearing “my money is mine and yours is mine”. I understand house wife’s who need support but if your potential works, how can my money be hers too? Ain’t it suppose to be 50/50 and gifts here and there ofcourse. I don’t get how a man’s majority paycheck goes on everything and she what stacks ????
Bro. You have to take it up with God. It is literally the word of Allah.
Women in Islam do not shoulder any financial obligations in a marriage. It is the man who shoulders this responsibility. Because a woman’s husband is responsible for her and the children’s support, her actual earnings are completely under her authority and solely for her use. No matter how wealthy the wife is, bruv she could be an heiress for all I care, she is ISLAMICALLY not obligated to help support you. If she want’s to do that, cool – good for her. But she doesn’t have to.
I’m sorry to break it down to you but your wife also has rights to your money.
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means”
[an-Nisa; 4:34]
In fact, if you can’t fulfil this – this is grounds for a divorce and islamically, she can even refuse to be intimate with you on the grounds that you cannot look after her.
I told you homie I don’t make the rules!!
Hi, I just wanted some ‘big sister’ advice on something that’s been bugging me for a while. And that’s the issue, it’s just been bugging me, and not truly hit me. I’m a female, 18, going to med school Inshallah, but I feel as though although I’m quite ‘accomplished’, I don’t have the look. I’m overweight (80kg at 5’4) and have honestly not paid any mind to my appearance at all through secondary school and sixth form (all girls). I even had my braces off at 13, but have since then let my teeth get a bit wonky over the years by neglecting my retainers.
I just feel so dumpy and heavy compared to other girls my age, and don’t know where to begin in terms of getting my ‘life’ together. I know looks aren’t anything, but it’s getting to the point where I hate leaving the house, I’m cancelling plans and have stopped buying clothes. My mum used to get at me years ago, and I ignored her in the name of *body positivity*, and now I think she’s settled because I’m doing good at school. I’m meant to be in the best shape of my life right now, but I just feel like sh*t. It was only starting Y13 this year that I realised how big I actually am.
Do you have any advice on how to lose weight at my age, and how to maintain a lifestyle through uni etc? I think I need someone to be quite frank with me ngl, I just honestly hate how I feel but not enough to do anything :/
Thank you so so much.
You have to figure out why you want to lose weight, and you need to emphasise that constantly. Don’t go a day without reminding yourself why you’re doing it. And when you mess up, remind yourself again.
One thing I’ll never encourage again because I did it before, was find fast ways to lose weight whenever I wanted to fit into something. It’s not healthy and you just end up gaining it all back and then some. Give yourself achievable and measurable goals. For example, look into intermittent fasting. Eat between the hours of 10am – 6pm. It’s actually recommended by Doctors. For the first few weeks getting used to it, eat whatever you want between those hours. And then once your body gets used to eating only between those hours, start introducing healthier meals.
If binge eating is your biggest issue (which it is for most people who gain weight) – find the root cause. I remember after my thyroid surgery, I became so anxious and my hormones were all over the place and it didn’t help the fact that this was all during exam season. So I had so much work to catch up on, I didn’t realise snacking all the time became my coping mechanism and it was a hard addiction to break. Wallahi sometimes even as an adult, its very easy to fall back into that pattern, especially if you’re a muslim. Because what other vice can you have lool literally, its not like you can smoke or drink.
Focus more on your diet first for a few months, because theres no point going to the gym without having a good diet. Not sure what the saying is but basically majority of weight loss is diet, and a portion of it is working out.
Then slowly introduce more cardio in your life. Take more walks & you can listen to a podcast instead of music, getting off a stop or two earlier when travelling, take the stairs instead of the lift. Then slowly start going gym, but before you scare yourself – commit to a gym class.
Don’t sleep on gym classes! It’s scary at first, but wallahi I can only use the main gym after my body preps itself during gym classes. I get more stronger and I become more confident to use the big space in the actual gym. If your gym has a body pump class, go to one.
I honestly need to take my own advice myself loooool I’m so busy with studies and placement preparation that I need to dedicate to this myself. Uno what, after I come back from holiday – Imma commit to every single thing I suggested now. We can do it together sis.
I know everyone’s timing is different but how soon after should u expect a man to Initiate a meet up. Also what about a phonecall. Say if you’ve done voice notes but you’ve never had an acc phonecall how often should u expect it in the early stages. And if he does ask to meet what are some good first date topics pls I know convo will flown naturally but what are some things to ask
Talking on the phone for longer than 2 weeks is unnecessary. The longer you delay meeting up, you are less inclined to do it. And then the relationship just ends up fizzling out.
On a date the best things to talk about is travel stories, things they do for work, favourite shows, aspirations, dreams etc.
Don’t talk about past, friends, or best friends.
Basically don’t bring in “people” into your discussions.
Salama alaikum sis. So this guy I’ve been talking for about a year and we are supposed to get married in 8 months just recently brought something serious to my attention and said that he sponsored a family member from back home as his wife and he’s tryna bring her to Canada cuz their family has been suffering and they needed help from their daughter. I did some research about the process and it ain’t easy. I told him to cancel the process and he told me he can but she’s about to come anytime soon. Am I wrong for wanting to end things but I just want genuine advice on what I should do
Listen.
If he brings her to Canada, he will be legally married to her. That’s the only way he could even bring her there.
Read that again. If he brings her to CANADA, he will legally be her husband. That means you, won’t be able to marry him legally. And if you don’t marry him legally, you won’t be entitled to anything if you were to create a future with him. And not only that, but she will have more rights to him legally than you would as his wife islamically. You don’t live in a country that practices shariah law. You’re in a white man’s land.
ON TOP OF THAT
He becomes financially responsible for her.
On the flip side of the coin, have you ever thought about the possibility that they’re actually married and you just don’t know??? We’ve heard time and time again about men having 2nd wives back home everyday b – and this would be the perfect cover up. “I’m just sponsoring a family member.” Boy bye.
Him telling you that she’s struggling and that its hard for her is none of your business. She’s not your family? Why should you compromise your future for someone you don’t even know? That’s such a big ask and he shouldn’t ask that from you how dare he??
Why should you share your husband to be for a complete and utter stranger?
I’m so sorry but I do not respect this man in the slightest. He made his bed, he made his decision, why is he bringing you down with him??
Also, islamically this isn’t right. It’s not even allowed.
“A fake marriage is forbidden from a religious perspective, due to the wrong intentions behind it, and because this contract goes beyond the legitimate purposes, and contains contradictory conditions for its purpose. Therefore, it is forbidden for anyone who believes in Allah and the last day to take part in something like this.”
Read More on islamonline :
https://fiqh.islamonline.net/en/fake-marriages/
Wallahi sis you need to think about self preservation here. Have you ever stopped to think about what you gain from this other than grief and sacrifrice??? Is he financially stable enough to even support this woman? Because if he doesn’t best believe it’s only going to be you that suffers. Anything is better than this.
There are plenty more fish in the sea, put this one right back where you found him.