Sister Circle - Recent Posts

Is he playing?? Feeling heartbroken, foolish, and stupid

Lavendercrandberry — Tue, 05 Mar 2024 15:44:40 +0000

This guy who lives in my neighborhood and I started communicating and occassionally seeing each other in September 2023. We both are busy and don't get to see each other often. He works 8-12 hours a day, and I am unemployed due to disability and I also am a caregiver for my sickly 92 year old mother.

Over the course of our dynamics, him and I have had problems and sometimes have cut communication with each other multiple times but so far have always ventured back to one another. In the time we've been communicating he expressed to me that he thinks I'm a nice person whose morals and virtues align with his, that he wants to eventually marry and start a family with. We both have expressed and exchanged feelings of fondness towards one another.

We've had xes twice and each time after, he cuts off communicating and has ghost me. The first time we had xes was 6 months ago..he ghosted me for a short while..and later apologized and said that it was due to him feeling insecure and questioning his size, performance, and capabilities. . We just had xes for the second time 3 days ago, and I haven't heard from since, and he's been ignoring my texts.. I have only texted him twice. Once to ask how he was feeling..the other to wish him a good day ahead.

Him ghosting me last time lasted for about 2 weeks.. then he texted me apologizing, saying he missed me and told me things were not okay with him and he questioned me if I had been satisfied.

Last week he had about 2 guys over for company...or so I thought.. I had asked a few minutes before I knew of his company, if he wanted to see me then..in which he never responded.that day..not even to tell me he's busy...
I thought that was strange because he's always asking to spend more time with me..even if it's a quick hug.. He has left company before to see me for a hug.

I am almost certain that I saw him there with another woman as well and they were making out..
He swears that there are no other women..
During our breaks, on his way to and from work he often looks at my house as if hoping to see me.
Is he playing me, and perhaps only using me for sex, to fill voids of loneliness and ego boost???

Does he mean anything he tells me?? Are these red flags and should I end things once and for all??

RE: Loneliness

smallgirlbigworld — Sun, 17 Sep 2023 18:26:56 +0000

I don't know if it comforts you to know that you're not alone. When reading your post it felt as if I had written it myself. I grew apart from most of my friends when I was 20, I was very focused on improving myself islamically and academically I also had alot of responsibilities at home, we kind of just grew apart. Not having friends didn't bother me at first because I thought that eventually and somehow I'd find my people (but that has yet to happen lol) I really can relate to everything you wrote, I'm 25 as well and my only friend is also my sister who is about a decade younger than me as well. I too have a closet full of clothes with tags on it and try to spend my time taking care of myself the only thing I can't relate to is going to the gym lol

It's been about 5 years of being by myself and not having a solid friend group and it truly is a test for me, alhamdulilah ala kulli haal I try to have faith in Allah swt and I think there must be a wisdom behind it because Allah swt is All-Knowing and All-Wise and He knows what is best for me.

Anyway that is all lol! you are definitely not alone.

RE: Heartbroken?

UnseriousSally — Sat, 16 Sep 2023 09:56:09 +0000

Like Whitney said "listen to men with your eyes not your ears because they will tell you what you wanna hear"

RE: Dating below my standards

UnseriousSally — Sat, 16 Sep 2023 09:54:47 +0000

We accept the love we think we deserve

RE: Dating below my standards

Huesofblues — Fri, 15 Sep 2023 19:20:57 +0000

As harsh as this may sound you don’t have standards. I think some woman *think* they have standards and will entertain bums and leave that situation and still think they have standards. You don’t have standards when your self esteem is so low to entertain a bum. I find also a girl will entertain a bum for male validation. Receiving No male validation is better than validation from a bum.

take a huge step back from dating and fall in love with yourself!

RE: Everyone thinks I have a man??

imjustagirlllllll — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 22:56:36 +0000

@maysahu hey!! i agree with this. however...if you are "interested" in the lad, if u see a post on his story that you could give a veryyyy neutral response to...maybe you could do that. i.e if they post holiday pics, you could ask some questions about that. or if it's their birthday or they're celebrating something...that could be a good time to test the temperature and see if they are interested in having a conversation with you.

Dating below my standards

anotheranon — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 15:18:34 +0000

Hi Sisters,

I just wanted advice on my current life situation. i’ve been dating men who we’re neither financially ready, bums and people who if i look at my standards they’re way below them.

Recently i’ve been having an existential crisis. Trying to figure out why i make the decisions that i do, i’ve been trying to be more self aware but i would like insight from someone outside. Id really like to change this about myself and be more confident and also to stop wasting time in finding someone who’s my potential.

RE: Everyone thinks I have a man??

maysahu — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 10:14:55 +0000

@nimo Thank you guys for the reply! I usually like their pictures to show that I'm attracted to them but maybe I'll try something else. But I'm definitely not sliding in no dms tho haha! Appreciate y'all. 😭

RE: Everyone thinks I have a man??

Nimo — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 09:35:58 +0000

@qamar Yeah usually this is the case that's why you have to show at least initially ur attracted to them

RE: Heartbroken?

Lulu — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 09:31:32 +0000

If I'm completely honest with you sis, I think you have put more value than what it actually was. And this is probably why it's taking you a lot longer to move on. From a 3rd person's perspective, it sounds like it was more of a situationship, and for that reason- you will ALWAYS find something better than whatever crumbs someone was offering you. Exactly you're young, don't limit yourself by thinking you'll never do better because its not true.