I’m not sure how this new format works in regards to what questions you answer. I’m pretty sure you once said you have a degree in education, but gave it up. May I ask what age group you worked with and if you want kinda why you gave it up. I’m getting a degree in education rn and it’s only been couple weeks since uni started. It’s not originally what I planned but so many have told me I give major teacher vibes and why not try and see if I like it. But I’m just not sure what age group of kids I want. I do know I want to work with kids and it don’t have to be necessarily a teacher.
I taught at a primary level, and I really did love the relationships I had with the students. I feel like I really do get along with kids, but that was about it. Teaching pretty much ran me into the ground physically and mentally. I hated working with women who made their job personal, it felt like the staff room was just a place everyone gossiped about the other’s business. And if you didn’t partake in office shenanigans, somehow it’ll come back to bite you. The only people they left alone were the men. Parents were another problem in itself, especially ones that were delusional about their own children. I hated the micro management, not being able to genuinely take off days because you’re so anxious to ask. I also knew I wasn’t challenging myself, I felt like teaching was too repetitive.
I literally left the profession just as I graduated, and tbh it was the best decision I have ever made. My family and friends thought I was being impulsive but I knew I needed to jump ship immediately, especially considering I felt the way I did just at the start of my journey. I prefer being a software engineer and I find the role balances a nice amount of interacting with others through meetings, training, etc and work you can just work through independently and the biggest thing is I can leave work at work and it doesn’t follow me home.
This is just my experience and it’s important to note that not everyone’s will be the same. If this is a career you genuinely feel is a bit of you, go for it. You don’t have to stick with it forever, but just always prepare some kind of exit strategy if need be.
Anon
8 months ago
Omg I just read your response to that girl about gaining weight. I’ve gained close to 60 pounds due to pcos. I even broke up with the guy I was dating. Not because I didn’t like him, but I was so embarrassed that he’d look at me differently. I’m also 5’1 so the weight gain looks mad on me.
I wanted to ask Lula, you said you gained 50 pounds a few years ago so was that when you were dating your husband I assume. What was it like dating with the weight gain and how did he respond to it? I think I wanna go back to my ex because I did really like him. I just don’t know wallahi im really nervous
In my experience, I don’t think the person who lives with you actually notices because they see you everyday compared to someone else who will see you once every few months and will notice the difference straight away. Also I gained weight mainly after I got married, but even before tbh just a lil sum sum. But anyway, my husband genuinely didn’t give a shit. He was apart of the falsifiers who all told me not to worry and that I look the same LOL. It’s only now when I compare photos he’s like oh wow you’ve actually lost a lot.
With that said, not everyone affords you that grace. But so far, the guy you were with didn’t show you anything – your reaction was mainly to do with your own fears and insecurities.
However.. you’re really going to have a hard time dating when you’re not confident within yourself. It’s going to make it a lot harder because you subconsciously or consciously.. you will be too afraid to let someone else love you. Which of course leads to other things like self-sabotage etc. So I would say focus on that first before you get into anything.
Anon
8 months ago
Asalamu Alaikum sister,
I’m 21 years old, and I have lived in Tennessee for about 3 years alhamdulillah. Recently, in January 2021 I traveled back to my home country to visit my granddad whom I hadn’t met in 10+ years but then when I went back home, and spent most of my time with my auntie posting on the internet bc that’s what she does for a living and I’m not public figure nor post myself on the internet but through her, posting me. I met this man who’s 27 years old and living in Turkey with his immediate family. We fell for each other and agreed that we wanted to get married in near the future. He is such a good man but my problem with him is his financial situation. He has 0 income. And am afraid that he might stay like this even after we get married because he seems to be comfortable with the life he’s living at the moment. We have talked a couple of times about his income and I told him I wanted to see him in action but after 7 months he still hasn’t gotten employment yet. And this is starting to scary and have second thoughts about him. We are both students. I’m studying and working but why can’t he do the same? Am I overthinking about his financial situations? We both decided that we would live in the U.S. And I’ll sponsor him in my state, but am afraid that he might not change. What should I do?
“Am I overthinking about his financial situations?”
No. In fact, you’re not thinking about it ENOUGH.
Love is not enough. Unless you are willing to commit to a triple shift, providing for both you him and your family, raising children and being responsible over the household – then think again. Because trust me, if you are going to agree to his situation, you are also agreeing to THAT kind of life for yourself. Don’t delude yourself into think you’re going to marry him and suddenly he’s gonna be the kind of husband that looks after you, and makes your life easier.
And if you grew up from a low income/immigrant/ refugee household family etc, then you know first hand how poor finances can affect a family. So you have to ask yourself.. Do you want this for yourself? Do you really want to repeat that cycle? This situation doesn’t even look promising because after 7 months, he hasn’t changed his situation which probably suggests that his plan isn’t to work. It’s to leech off you. You are the plan.
So with this in mind, make your decision. Don’t make it based on whatever bullshit he fed you. Base it off of the facts.
Don’t ruin your life. You are far too young to throw in the towel already
He is 27 years old and has plans to make a 21 year old woman the provider of his household.
Don’t do it
Make a decision the 30 year old you will be grateful for.
Anon
8 months ago
Sis, my bestfriends friend gets under my SKIN. I have been around her only a couple of times and each time I find the conversation boring and lacking substance. I stuck around her to give her a chance but Girl!!! All she talks about is her relationship problems and nobody else can get a word in 😫😫😫. The situation she tells everyone about is toxic ASH but she hates anyone giving an opinion. She always brags about how close she is with my bestfriend when I’m around. She takes everything I say personally- it could even be a “good luck” and she will find a way to manipulate it and play victim 🙂. I feel like she only wants me around to paint me as the bad guy- when that is not my energy or intention at all. I got the vibe and stay away from her so I don’t get irritated by the friend but I think she will be in my bestfriends life 4ever…. I HATE feeling like this about people but something does not sit right with me about that woman😫😫
I say this because when a lot of time passes by, but the friendship refuses to evolve. It remains stagnant. If three years ago the conversations you had just revolved about her and her relationships… and if it’s still the only thing you guys talk about now, then maybe it’s time to evaluate the friendship.
The point is when friends grow into two extremely different people who do not seem to understand each other anymore, it’s better to let each other grow in separate directions. Otherwise, like you’re seeing in your situation, you both become very resentful towards each other.
Do yourselves a favour and make new friends.
Anon
8 months ago
Hey sis, I’ve just turned 22 and for the past year I’ve been on the path of self improvement. One thing I struggle with is having discipline and not procrastinating. I’ve always been lazy in terms of studying. Didn’t try hard or revised for my gcses and got average grades . Went through college same thing. And now I’m in my third year of uni and still don’t know how I got here. I’m also lazy in terms of praying, household chores, cooking, reading, going gym and now that Im busier even my skin and hair care. My room is almost always in a messy state too. I do want to change however every time I implement a new strategy and change completely it’s not long before I go back to my old ways. I feel as though laziness is also causing me to lack ambition. I’ve always wanted to get to the bag and start a business or at least a side hustle. I’ve had many ideas but all I do is talk about it and never go through with it. I know that your a very disciplined person and a hard worker Mashallah. Any tips on how to improve and for those changes to stick. Thank you
When I was younger, I’d have to admit that I considered myself a bit lazy in most aspects of life, except when it came to schoolwork. This was largely because I didn’t have any chores or other responsibilities aside from my education. However, as I started to take on more responsibilities, this laziness became a problem.
During year 10 summer holidays, I got a small babysitting job for a few hours a day. At the time, this particular Asian family I worked for seemed incredibly affluent to me. Now, I realise that their lifestyle is definitely attainable, but back then, it was mind-blowing for a person like me who grew up in a council estate. They had extended kitchens, loft conversions, and there was a place for everything. However, what was really confusing for me was despite their seemingly comfortable lives, both the mum and dad were constantly working. Their job wasn’t just employment; it involved managing their household, maintaining cleanliness, adhering to schedules, and making time for physical activities for both themselves and their children. I realised of course that even with the kind of life I aspired to have, which was: my own house that wasn’t overcrowded, that these people had to work harder than I could ever have imagined for them to even have this life.
Wallahi that experience really made me deep that you only get what you work for.
These people have jobs, homes, stable relationships, the ability to afford necessities, maintain cleanliness, and network with the right people. This particular family were 2nd generation refugees, so for me I realised their life was definitely doable. And If I genuinely wanted these things, I couldn’t afford to be lazy and not take advantage of the opportunities that were available to me at the time.
So, I decided to adopt one key habit immediately: tidiness. I really admired how that family had a place for everything. So every morning before school, I made my bed and ensured there was nothing on the floor. I continued this practice until I couldn’t stand the clutter on my shelves, eventually prompting me to tidy them up. In this I realised that a clean workspace motivated me to work more efficiently. This led me to create a timetable for my tasks and, in the process, I became proficient at time management. To remember my plans, I added a notice board and sticky notes to my room, gradually becoming more organised. In essence, starting with small steps allowed me to develop habits that propelled me toward my goals.
These qualities truly shape a person and give them an edge, regardless of their level of intelligence. My uncle used to tell me this all the time. He basc said being naturally smart could take you so far, a disciplined individual, even if not inherently gifted, would achieve results before you did, simply because they had discipline. And wallahi it’s so true.
But yeah If you’re looking for further motivation and guidance, I recommend checking out a few books: “The 12 Rules for Life” by Jordan Peterson, “The Power of Discipline” by Daniel Walter, “The Muslim Mindset” by Zakia Khalil, “The Miracle Morning,” and “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. These books offer good insight to help you stay motivated and on track.
Anon
8 months ago
I just want to know why I attract immature and insecure men. I’ve seen someone say you attract what you are but I’m not insecure 😭
Everyday “What are you looking for in a guy?” “Are you attracted to me/do you find me attractive?” “What’s your type?” ENOUGH. Don’t get me started on the interrogation sessions. If I go out with my girls, it’s “Did any guy come up to you?” or if it’s the club “Did you dance with any guys? Be honest”
If we get into arguments “You clearly have other options, stick with them then” or “Surely, you have a back up nigga”
I swear to God, I’m in the trenches with these niggas 🤦🏾♀️ They also don’t have much going on for themselves and even though we are the same age Im wayyy more mature
This is why sometimes I feel like depending on what you want in life and out of a relationship, sometimes the men you’re talking to that are your age might fall short of the expectations you have for them.
Getting to know someone older than you, for example say if you’re 25 and they’re 30 – Most cases they’re more mentally/emotionally mature, lower drama, and they tend to have more realistic expectations of a relationship than a 25 year old who is still figuring things out. I know twitter likes to think if someone is older than you than automatically you’re being “groomed” or “taken advantage of” but applying this to a 5 year difference is wild because most times you won’t even feel it unless there are gaps in your maturity and how you handle things. Those things you figure out anyway when you get to know them.
I feel like as well when a man is older than you, they’d had all that extra time to know what they are doing, more stable in their career, and you get to feel like you learn more from them than as opposed to you contemporaries. I noticed younger guys tend to be looking for fun, and whilst they may date you exclusively or long term, they don’t tend to want to settle down.
It’s important to note this is obviously not the case for everyone and is just MY opinion. I personally just don’t like the idea of teaching a man how to be a man, how to be in a relationship and how to be emotionally mature.
Anon
8 months ago
Just want to start off by saying I love your advice and thank you so much for creating this to help us. May Allah reward you sister. I’m in my early to mid 20s and I’ve never had a relationship or even been on a date. When I tell guys this, it’s like the energy changes and they start acting weird. One even jokingly said that there must be something wrong with me, but it made me realise that’s probably what they actually think. Do you think I should just keep it to myself? What should I say if someone asks me about past relationships?
Do people see what I mean by how men not actually having discernment. It’s not unbelievable that a Muslim in her mid twenties not being in a relationship before.
Usually the go-to advice for this is faking it until you make it. A lot of women won’t give inexperienced men a chance because they won’t enjoy it and it’s work for them.
If pressured give a vague answer about being in a couple non serious talking stages and refuse to elaborate further as they are in the past. And keep it short, likewise no one wants to hear someone talk about past flings (real or not real).
Anon
8 months ago
Hi. I’m a guy and I just wanna say that I really rate what you guys are doing here.
I wish that I had a platform like this when I was a teenager. Perhaps if I did, I wouldn’t have taken so many avoidable losses.
I’m so happy the sister guide is back!! I loved reading it and all the different responses. I love love love your no bs straight action replies sometimes (needed fr). I haven’t got a Q but more about the actual website itself (my inner UX side is coming out lmao). This is something I’ve noticed that page 1 has the first qs whereas page 111 would have the more recent ones. Perhaps ordering it the other way or having additions to the sort by like more recent etc just for easier access. Hope you are all doing well <3
Oh my god!!!!! Babe you need to message me and give ME some advice honestly ! I wanna make this website as good as I can so any advice would be appreciated
Thank you so much
Anon
8 months ago
Im a female (24) and my bestfriend is a male (25) and we have known each other since birth. He knows the ins and outs of me and vice versa. I have always helped him with his life in terms of being an air that he could rely on, and he would do the same for me. We have been through similar traumas with family abandonment and we have always rooted for each other to succeed. He unfortunately, did not go through the path that I went through in education, due to his family life and dynamics, so he joined the streets, where as I’ve graduated, and now I am looking into a joint Masters in doctor, because of this things are now difficult. I see the good potential in him. He is caring, kind polite, emotionally, intelligent, religious(regardless of his life he prays and everything) and so many other qualities and I cannot picture myself with anyone but him due to the comfortability I feel when I speak to him. He recently told me that he’s always loved me, and will always protect me, but he could never pursue me as he knows I deserve better. Speaking to a bunch of women to pass time. This was unfair as I also admitted to my feelings but he has rejected me because of how he feels, but because of how he views on self. We are still best friends, we still speak online and in person, but things are just getting harder and harder for me, I don’t think I can ever let him go, but it pains me to continue a friendship. How do I navigate this? He doesn’t want me but he wants me? I feel like it is so triggering watching candy that you can’t eat. i usually judge people for what they show me, not the label that they own, and this is due to my own experiences with stereotypes and false news, and I hate people judging. I just feel like maybe things would be different if he was out the game and chose a better life for himself, but what can I even do at this point? Should I let him go or should I continue to have such a deep, meaningful, amazing soul, nurturing friendship? At the expense of muting my burning desire for him.
I think maybe because you’ve spent so many years with this person, he knows you, you know him etc… For that reason, you believe you’re meant to be together. A lot of that maybe has to do with you feeling a sense of loyalty, or duty towards him, and not affection, or joy like you think. You want the best for him, and maybe that’s what’s making you so confused: because in your mind, the best for him is, you.
You guys used to have a lot in common and now you have nothing in common.
When you say to him “you’ve changed” you say it like it’s a bad thing, but to him, of course he’s changed. The friendship began when you were kids. Change is inevitable, and its not up to anyone to decide whether the change is good or bad.
Your interests are different and instead of accepting those differences, it feels like one of you is out of step. Basically what I’m saying is this friendship is about who you both once were, not who you are or who you guys might become.
You can’t want more for someone than they want for themselves. And if he wasn’t willing to be a better man for himself, so that he’s an even better one for you – that is the biggest indication that this is not the man for you.
You guys probably have an incredible friendship. There are parts of you that you have to explain to everyone, but don’t have to explain to him. But unfortunately you can’t love/feel enough for two people, he has to want this for himself. And I’m actually really happy he was upfront and honest about not being able to reciprocate what you need, instead of being a coward. So really this is about you now and being able to move on.
I’m not sure how this new format works in regards to what questions you answer. I’m pretty sure you once said you have a degree in education, but gave it up. May I ask what age group you worked with and if you want kinda why you gave it up. I’m getting a degree in education rn and it’s only been couple weeks since uni started. It’s not originally what I planned but so many have told me I give major teacher vibes and why not try and see if I like it. But I’m just not sure what age group of kids I want. I do know I want to work with kids and it don’t have to be necessarily a teacher.
I taught at a primary level, and I really did love the relationships I had with the students. I feel like I really do get along with kids, but that was about it. Teaching pretty much ran me into the ground physically and mentally. I hated working with women who made their job personal, it felt like the staff room was just a place everyone gossiped about the other’s business. And if you didn’t partake in office shenanigans, somehow it’ll come back to bite you. The only people they left alone were the men. Parents were another problem in itself, especially ones that were delusional about their own children. I hated the micro management, not being able to genuinely take off days because you’re so anxious to ask. I also knew I wasn’t challenging myself, I felt like teaching was too repetitive.
I literally left the profession just as I graduated, and tbh it was the best decision I have ever made. My family and friends thought I was being impulsive but I knew I needed to jump ship immediately, especially considering I felt the way I did just at the start of my journey. I prefer being a software engineer and I find the role balances a nice amount of interacting with others through meetings, training, etc and work you can just work through independently and the biggest thing is I can leave work at work and it doesn’t follow me home.
This is just my experience and it’s important to note that not everyone’s will be the same. If this is a career you genuinely feel is a bit of you, go for it. You don’t have to stick with it forever, but just always prepare some kind of exit strategy if need be.
Omg I just read your response to that girl about gaining weight. I’ve gained close to 60 pounds due to pcos. I even broke up with the guy I was dating. Not because I didn’t like him, but I was so embarrassed that he’d look at me differently. I’m also 5’1 so the weight gain looks mad on me.
I wanted to ask Lula, you said you gained 50 pounds a few years ago so was that when you were dating your husband I assume. What was it like dating with the weight gain and how did he respond to it? I think I wanna go back to my ex because I did really like him. I just don’t know wallahi im really nervous
In my experience, I don’t think the person who lives with you actually notices because they see you everyday compared to someone else who will see you once every few months and will notice the difference straight away. Also I gained weight mainly after I got married, but even before tbh just a lil sum sum. But anyway, my husband genuinely didn’t give a shit. He was apart of the falsifiers who all told me not to worry and that I look the same LOL. It’s only now when I compare photos he’s like oh wow you’ve actually lost a lot.
With that said, not everyone affords you that grace. But so far, the guy you were with didn’t show you anything – your reaction was mainly to do with your own fears and insecurities.
However.. you’re really going to have a hard time dating when you’re not confident within yourself. It’s going to make it a lot harder because you subconsciously or consciously.. you will be too afraid to let someone else love you. Which of course leads to other things like self-sabotage etc. So I would say focus on that first before you get into anything.
Asalamu Alaikum sister,
I’m 21 years old, and I have lived in Tennessee for about 3 years alhamdulillah. Recently, in January 2021 I traveled back to my home country to visit my granddad whom I hadn’t met in 10+ years but then when I went back home, and spent most of my time with my auntie posting on the internet bc that’s what she does for a living and I’m not public figure nor post myself on the internet but through her, posting me. I met this man who’s 27 years old and living in Turkey with his immediate family. We fell for each other and agreed that we wanted to get married in near the future. He is such a good man but my problem with him is his financial situation. He has 0 income. And am afraid that he might stay like this even after we get married because he seems to be comfortable with the life he’s living at the moment. We have talked a couple of times about his income and I told him I wanted to see him in action but after 7 months he still hasn’t gotten employment yet. And this is starting to scary and have second thoughts about him. We are both students. I’m studying and working but why can’t he do the same? Am I overthinking about his financial situations? We both decided that we would live in the U.S. And I’ll sponsor him in my state, but am afraid that he might not change. What should I do?
“Am I overthinking about his financial situations?”
No. In fact, you’re not thinking about it ENOUGH.
Love is not enough. Unless you are willing to commit to a triple shift, providing for both you him and your family, raising children and being responsible over the household – then think again. Because trust me, if you are going to agree to his situation, you are also agreeing to THAT kind of life for yourself. Don’t delude yourself into think you’re going to marry him and suddenly he’s gonna be the kind of husband that looks after you, and makes your life easier.
And if you grew up from a low income/immigrant/ refugee household family etc, then you know first hand how poor finances can affect a family. So you have to ask yourself.. Do you want this for yourself? Do you really want to repeat that cycle? This situation doesn’t even look promising because after 7 months, he hasn’t changed his situation which probably suggests that his plan isn’t to work. It’s to leech off you. You are the plan.
So with this in mind, make your decision. Don’t make it based on whatever bullshit he fed you. Base it off of the facts.
Don’t ruin your life. You are far too young to throw in the towel already
He is 27 years old and has plans to make a 21 year old woman the provider of his household.
Don’t do it
Make a decision the 30 year old you will be grateful for.
Sis, my bestfriends friend gets under my SKIN. I have been around her only a couple of times and each time I find the conversation boring and lacking substance. I stuck around her to give her a chance but Girl!!! All she talks about is her relationship problems and nobody else can get a word in 😫😫😫. The situation she tells everyone about is toxic ASH but she hates anyone giving an opinion. She always brags about how close she is with my bestfriend when I’m around. She takes everything I say personally- it could even be a “good luck” and she will find a way to manipulate it and play victim 🙂. I feel like she only wants me around to paint me as the bad guy- when that is not my energy or intention at all. I got the vibe and stay away from her so I don’t get irritated by the friend but I think she will be in my bestfriends life 4ever…. I HATE feeling like this about people but something does not sit right with me about that woman😫😫
You’ve definitely outgrown this friendship.
I say this because when a lot of time passes by, but the friendship refuses to evolve. It remains stagnant. If three years ago the conversations you had just revolved about her and her relationships… and if it’s still the only thing you guys talk about now, then maybe it’s time to evaluate the friendship.
The point is when friends grow into two extremely different people who do not seem to understand each other anymore, it’s better to let each other grow in separate directions. Otherwise, like you’re seeing in your situation, you both become very resentful towards each other.
Do yourselves a favour and make new friends.
Hey sis, I’ve just turned 22 and for the past year I’ve been on the path of self improvement. One thing I struggle with is having discipline and not procrastinating. I’ve always been lazy in terms of studying. Didn’t try hard or revised for my gcses and got average grades . Went through college same thing. And now I’m in my third year of uni and still don’t know how I got here. I’m also lazy in terms of praying, household chores, cooking, reading, going gym and now that Im busier even my skin and hair care. My room is almost always in a messy state too. I do want to change however every time I implement a new strategy and change completely it’s not long before I go back to my old ways. I feel as though laziness is also causing me to lack ambition. I’ve always wanted to get to the bag and start a business or at least a side hustle. I’ve had many ideas but all I do is talk about it and never go through with it. I know that your a very disciplined person and a hard worker Mashallah. Any tips on how to improve and for those changes to stick. Thank you
When I was younger, I’d have to admit that I considered myself a bit lazy in most aspects of life, except when it came to schoolwork. This was largely because I didn’t have any chores or other responsibilities aside from my education. However, as I started to take on more responsibilities, this laziness became a problem.
During year 10 summer holidays, I got a small babysitting job for a few hours a day. At the time, this particular Asian family I worked for seemed incredibly affluent to me. Now, I realise that their lifestyle is definitely attainable, but back then, it was mind-blowing for a person like me who grew up in a council estate. They had extended kitchens, loft conversions, and there was a place for everything. However, what was really confusing for me was despite their seemingly comfortable lives, both the mum and dad were constantly working. Their job wasn’t just employment; it involved managing their household, maintaining cleanliness, adhering to schedules, and making time for physical activities for both themselves and their children. I realised of course that even with the kind of life I aspired to have, which was: my own house that wasn’t overcrowded, that these people had to work harder than I could ever have imagined for them to even have this life.
Wallahi that experience really made me deep that you only get what you work for.
These people have jobs, homes, stable relationships, the ability to afford necessities, maintain cleanliness, and network with the right people. This particular family were 2nd generation refugees, so for me I realised their life was definitely doable. And If I genuinely wanted these things, I couldn’t afford to be lazy and not take advantage of the opportunities that were available to me at the time.
So, I decided to adopt one key habit immediately: tidiness. I really admired how that family had a place for everything. So every morning before school, I made my bed and ensured there was nothing on the floor. I continued this practice until I couldn’t stand the clutter on my shelves, eventually prompting me to tidy them up. In this I realised that a clean workspace motivated me to work more efficiently. This led me to create a timetable for my tasks and, in the process, I became proficient at time management. To remember my plans, I added a notice board and sticky notes to my room, gradually becoming more organised. In essence, starting with small steps allowed me to develop habits that propelled me toward my goals.
These qualities truly shape a person and give them an edge, regardless of their level of intelligence. My uncle used to tell me this all the time. He basc said being naturally smart could take you so far, a disciplined individual, even if not inherently gifted, would achieve results before you did, simply because they had discipline. And wallahi it’s so true.
But yeah If you’re looking for further motivation and guidance, I recommend checking out a few books: “The 12 Rules for Life” by Jordan Peterson, “The Power of Discipline” by Daniel Walter, “The Muslim Mindset” by Zakia Khalil, “The Miracle Morning,” and “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. These books offer good insight to help you stay motivated and on track.
I just want to know why I attract immature and insecure men. I’ve seen someone say you attract what you are but I’m not insecure 😭
Everyday “What are you looking for in a guy?” “Are you attracted to me/do you find me attractive?” “What’s your type?” ENOUGH. Don’t get me started on the interrogation sessions. If I go out with my girls, it’s “Did any guy come up to you?” or if it’s the club “Did you dance with any guys? Be honest”
If we get into arguments “You clearly have other options, stick with them then” or “Surely, you have a back up nigga”
I swear to God, I’m in the trenches with these niggas 🤦🏾♀️ They also don’t have much going on for themselves and even though we are the same age Im wayyy more mature
This is why sometimes I feel like depending on what you want in life and out of a relationship, sometimes the men you’re talking to that are your age might fall short of the expectations you have for them.
Getting to know someone older than you, for example say if you’re 25 and they’re 30 – Most cases they’re more mentally/emotionally mature, lower drama, and they tend to have more realistic expectations of a relationship than a 25 year old who is still figuring things out. I know twitter likes to think if someone is older than you than automatically you’re being “groomed” or “taken advantage of” but applying this to a 5 year difference is wild because most times you won’t even feel it unless there are gaps in your maturity and how you handle things. Those things you figure out anyway when you get to know them.
I feel like as well when a man is older than you, they’d had all that extra time to know what they are doing, more stable in their career, and you get to feel like you learn more from them than as opposed to you contemporaries. I noticed younger guys tend to be looking for fun, and whilst they may date you exclusively or long term, they don’t tend to want to settle down.
It’s important to note this is obviously not the case for everyone and is just MY opinion. I personally just don’t like the idea of teaching a man how to be a man, how to be in a relationship and how to be emotionally mature.
Just want to start off by saying I love your advice and thank you so much for creating this to help us. May Allah reward you sister. I’m in my early to mid 20s and I’ve never had a relationship or even been on a date. When I tell guys this, it’s like the energy changes and they start acting weird. One even jokingly said that there must be something wrong with me, but it made me realise that’s probably what they actually think. Do you think I should just keep it to myself? What should I say if someone asks me about past relationships?
Thank you so much:))))
and to answer your question… Keep it to yourself.
Do people see what I mean by how men not actually having discernment. It’s not unbelievable that a Muslim in her mid twenties not being in a relationship before.
Usually the go-to advice for this is faking it until you make it. A lot of women won’t give inexperienced men a chance because they won’t enjoy it and it’s work for them.
If pressured give a vague answer about being in a couple non serious talking stages and refuse to elaborate further as they are in the past. And keep it short, likewise no one wants to hear someone talk about past flings (real or not real).
Hi. I’m a guy and I just wanna say that I really rate what you guys are doing here.
I wish that I had a platform like this when I was a teenager. Perhaps if I did, I wouldn’t have taken so many avoidable losses.
Have a nice day. ☺️ Btw, black men don’t cheat!!!
Haha and thank you man!
I’m so happy the sister guide is back!! I loved reading it and all the different responses. I love love love your no bs straight action replies sometimes (needed fr). I haven’t got a Q but more about the actual website itself (my inner UX side is coming out lmao). This is something I’ve noticed that page 1 has the first qs whereas page 111 would have the more recent ones. Perhaps ordering it the other way or having additions to the sort by like more recent etc just for easier access. Hope you are all doing well <3
Oh my god!!!!! Babe you need to message me and give ME some advice honestly ! I wanna make this website as good as I can so any advice would be appreciated
Thank you so much
Im a female (24) and my bestfriend is a male (25) and we have known each other since birth. He knows the ins and outs of me and vice versa. I have always helped him with his life in terms of being an air that he could rely on, and he would do the same for me. We have been through similar traumas with family abandonment and we have always rooted for each other to succeed. He unfortunately, did not go through the path that I went through in education, due to his family life and dynamics, so he joined the streets, where as I’ve graduated, and now I am looking into a joint Masters in doctor, because of this things are now difficult. I see the good potential in him. He is caring, kind polite, emotionally, intelligent, religious(regardless of his life he prays and everything) and so many other qualities and I cannot picture myself with anyone but him due to the comfortability I feel when I speak to him. He recently told me that he’s always loved me, and will always protect me, but he could never pursue me as he knows I deserve better. Speaking to a bunch of women to pass time. This was unfair as I also admitted to my feelings but he has rejected me because of how he feels, but because of how he views on self. We are still best friends, we still speak online and in person, but things are just getting harder and harder for me, I don’t think I can ever let him go, but it pains me to continue a friendship. How do I navigate this? He doesn’t want me but he wants me? I feel like it is so triggering watching candy that you can’t eat. i usually judge people for what they show me, not the label that they own, and this is due to my own experiences with stereotypes and false news, and I hate people judging. I just feel like maybe things would be different if he was out the game and chose a better life for himself, but what can I even do at this point? Should I let him go or should I continue to have such a deep, meaningful, amazing soul, nurturing friendship? At the expense of muting my burning desire for him.
I think maybe because you’ve spent so many years with this person, he knows you, you know him etc… For that reason, you believe you’re meant to be together. A lot of that maybe has to do with you feeling a sense of loyalty, or duty towards him, and not affection, or joy like you think. You want the best for him, and maybe that’s what’s making you so confused: because in your mind, the best for him is, you.
You guys used to have a lot in common and now you have nothing in common.
When you say to him “you’ve changed” you say it like it’s a bad thing, but to him, of course he’s changed. The friendship began when you were kids. Change is inevitable, and its not up to anyone to decide whether the change is good or bad.
Your interests are different and instead of accepting those differences, it feels like one of you is out of step. Basically what I’m saying is this friendship is about who you both once were, not who you are or who you guys might become.
You can’t want more for someone than they want for themselves. And if he wasn’t willing to be a better man for himself, so that he’s an even better one for you – that is the biggest indication that this is not the man for you.
You guys probably have an incredible friendship. There are parts of you that you have to explain to everyone, but don’t have to explain to him. But unfortunately you can’t love/feel enough for two people, he has to want this for himself. And I’m actually really happy he was upfront and honest about not being able to reciprocate what you need, instead of being a coward. So really this is about you now and being able to move on.