hi , sorry this is a bit of a ramble but I don’t have anyone to share this with
Ive tried to get over my ex and have been failing miserably. I’ve tried no contact , I put myself out there and started dating , I even got into a 6 month situation-ship which was going well up until recently , so I had to cut things off.
I’ve not spoken to my ex for 8 months and as sickening as it sounds , there hasn’t been a day we’re I don’t think about him. The worst ( probably for the best actually ) thing is I can’t even spin the block because he dead ass blocked me. I honestly don’t know how to get over this nigga, plus whats even more infuriating is that, when I think about how much he violated me I feel this sense of rage/betrayal but then I’m still in love ? I’ve made dua to get over him or if it was meant to be for Allah to bring us together in a halal way.
What are your thoughts on getting over someone?
Wallahi I absolutely regret even speaking to men , they say preventions is better than the cure, staying away from men like I was supposed to would have prevented all this heartache and time wasting .
After a breakup, self-doubt often clouds your ability to accept that things simply didn’t work out. Habit may pull you towards reaching out, engaging in more calls and conversations than ever, despite knowing that deep down inside this relationship will never work out.
Sometimes, you might find yourself checking on the other person, hoping against hope they aren’t doing well without you, because the thought of them moving on is unbearable. However, when a relationship is truly over, it ends deep within you. No matter the frequency of calls or conversations afterward, the finality of the end remains. The closure comes from inside. You need to be the one that gives that to yourself.
I feel like that saying “If it is meant to be, it will be” is, for many, a misconception. Love isn’t just a matter of destiny; it’s a deliberate choice. It’s more a verb than a noun—a series of actions and commitments made every day. And the sad reality is that true love, in itself, is not always sufficient for a relationship to succeed. Relationships require more than just love to truly work and thrive. If someone is not willing to become the person they need to be in order to make a loving relationship work – than its not enough.
Anon
7 months ago
I have been dating this guy now and it’s been a little over 6 months and we pretty much see eye to eye in everything and I can truly see myself marrying him down the road but there’s one thing… and idk if I’m reading too much into it but he won’t tell me how much he makes, likes he’s already graduated and is working at a well known firm but refuses to tell me his salary. He says he doesn’t tell anyone even his family and his mother he only told recently. I only ask from a place of can he look after me financially when we’re together does he have debt that he’s gonna spring on me ?which is why he’s refusing to tell me and he says he will tell me once we’re married which is kinda weird cause what are you hiding? I have no problem sharing mine bc this is supposedly someone you will be starting a life with. I hate to think so negatively but It feels like it could turn into financial abuse or something. And I’ve seen enough women in my life who have gone through that. Is this a valid concern and what should I do about it?
You haven’t even been together for a year. What makes you entitled to this information? I understand you can see yourself marrying him, but that might be different for him right NOW. And currently, you aren’t his wife. So I can understand why he may withhold from telling you. With that said, the second you both start planning wedding/nikkah – finances should be openly discussed. And for now, say that – “I respect your privacy, but when I eventually intend to marry whether its you or someone else, for my household I want finances to be openly discussed.” And that’s it.
Anon
7 months ago
Hey Sis, I wanted to ask a question about friendship in a marriage. I feel like I have a nice personality but only with women , I don’t know why I can’t be my true self with any man. I’m aware it’s something to do with trust issues , but I don’t know where those trust issues stem from. I really want my future husband to be my best friend , I want to be so comfortable fun and free, the way I’m with all the women around me. With some men I’m concerned about my looks or I’m shy , with others I’m afraid they are not genuine so I come across intimidating or unapproachable. One thing I know to stop doing is putting certain men on a pedestal because then I won’t be confident and I won’t be myself. I’m working on that rn. What else do I need to do or stop doing so I can let my personality shine and hopefully find a lover and best friend in my future husband.
I think what often drives inauthentic behaviour in relationships especially during that first dating stage is the fear of rejection and not being able to meet your partner’s standards. When I was younger, I definitely used to bend over backwards and become someone else entirely to be perceived as likable and appealing. When in truth I was actually working against myself because my true self, is so much more entertaining and likeable.
With that said, a big realisation for me was understanding that my lack of authenticity stemmed from a deep-seated lack of trust with men in general. I always had this attitude that men would eventually take from me, and I kept a safe distance. This makes so much sense for me now, particularly when I think about my husband and our connection. I have a strong belief that my younger self made sure not to open up truly to anyone else until I met the one meant for me, because the version of me that my husband sees – no one else has ever seen before. Probably not even my family or friends. It’s the kind of vulnerability in me that I never knew existed up until that point. I went from not ever being emotional my entire life, to opening up day 2 of meeting him.
New emotions are hard to deal with. They make you nervous and anxious, sometimes where you can’t think (because you’re thinking too much). I actually think it’s a great idea you’re no longer putting men on a pedestal because it ends up making you even more nervous. Only talk to people that are kind, that are good listeners. It’s so much easier to open up and feel safe around. Especially people who find you so interesting and love listening to you.
Anon
7 months ago
I need kind advice from my sisters.
I’m in my late twenties, my last year of uni (I dropped out first time because I wanted a career change before I invested too much) and have been getting good grades so far alhamdulilah and have been getting a lot of experience in that is relevant for my career (will try an internship as well) and all in that department is well. My dilemma is that I have lately started to see myself comparing myself to others journey which I have NEVER done before but not in terms of career but in terms of money and feeling poor and not able to do things and experience things because I work part time and I also help my family on the side whenever I can afford it. I have noticed that ever since lockdown I have barely been out because I struggle to afford most things which makes me feel so embarrassed and I know rizq is from Allah but when you have friends who invite you out to certain places or talk about their travel trips and I realise that these little things which are ‘normal’ for people is currently difficult for me as I feel like I cannot currently afford them. I am in survival mode, depressed and recently diagnosed with a serious disabling disease which has thrown me off because I already struggle with my mental health a lot as it is.
I realise I feel very inexperienced whenever I speak to other girls who have travelled, been in relationships and around places and have many stories to share and mine ends at age 23 when I did have a booming social life, lived it up and travelled with friends and even did sleepovers and flirted and had fun with men (i am muslim so I did try to be as halal lol). Sometimes I wonder if I romanticise those days the most.
I don’t mind being single as much as I mind not having enough money to do the things I want like travel, buy myself something expensive and fun that is for myself and to be financially stable. Its always been my dream and maybe all of the things that has been happening in my life made me feel this way lately because everyone who knows me (even till now) considers me to be the most resilient and positive person and I get comments about it daily and I know I have many good qualities (beauty included if I wanna toot my horn a lil) but it doesn’t feel as good when i think about how limited life has been since pandemic and how much poverty has made me feel like I am unable to do things as much. I sometimes feel ungrateful but I want advice from people who may give me words of hope that this is not it. I feel embarrassed even sharing this lol
Here’s the truth: this dynamic affects everyone. This is honestly a crossroad many of us will encounter at some point in our 20’s. That feeling of where we “should” be in life, according to a set of benchmarks.
My own experience taught me that reducing time on social media and being mindful about what I consumed was crucial for my mental health, especially during my university years. I’ll be honest, when I was fighting for my life in uni, paying bills, working part time and helping out family – I didn’t want to watch reality tv shows of heiresses showing off their wealth. Because I realised that such content only highlighted the stark inequalities in the world and added to my stress. I constantly felt like I wasn’t doing enough, when infact – I was actually working my body into the ground. But because I was in the ‘grind’ stage of my life, I couldn’t appreciate it yet because I hadn’t seen my fruits.
So, what did I do? I became intentional about my media consumption. It’s like gardening; you tend your own plot, not the one you see over the fence. By focusing on personal growth and goals, I found a sense of direction that wasn’t swayed by the seemingly greener grass on the other side. From 13-25 I saw nothing. It’s only now that I’m grateful to that little girl for not wavering because I can’t tell you how many times I would have given up.
With that said, you don’t want to make your self worth solely dependent on your job / finances / relationship status because you are so much more than that as a human being. Sometimes your ahead, sometimes your behind. The race is long, but in the end, it’s only with yourself. Everyone has their own timeline! Just because yours looks different, doesn’t mean it’s worse.
In regards to finding a relationship, the more you want it – the more you end up working against yourself. It’s counterproductive. Just let it happen. Put yourself in places that increase that possibility like social activities. Others will come. You don’t want to say “I wish I had waited” in case someone better comes along. How tricky life can be in this regard. A desperate to find a mate aura can be sensed by the other person and scare them off, especially men who are weary of emotionally dependent women.
Everyone will go through periods of time that we want to share life with someone special, possibly the one that you spend your life with, until death do you part. So, what I am saying is to get out there, start meeting people, and dating, but do it when you are not feeling desperate.
Anon
7 months ago
I feel like I lack charisma and is why guys struggle to get to know me. I’m trying to be more charismatic but I don’t know where to start pls any suggestions would help
Charisma is definitely an important element in relationships, especially during the first stages of getting to know someone. Men, and women, we all want someone that is extremely charismatic.
For someone to become more charismatic about something, there has to be at least one fundamental component to make it happen and that’s: passion.
You need to be passionate about what you are crazy for, literally. As in when you talk about it, your eyes will light up.
You cannot fake charisma even if you tried to! Your essence never lies, and it will eventually reveal itself. And then that will get embarrassing.
To be charismatic means to have a passion that runs deep and wide. We all have our choices. So to reiterate what my suggestion is, do something passionate… that you truly love doing, with those you love or share the same interest, and you will more than likely become charismatic especially when you share that with someone else.
Anon
7 months ago
This isn’t a question but a general post of appreciation. I remember asking you a question on curious cat and i believe you were a vessel Allah swt used to save me. Wallahi i was teary eyed and heartbroken and overall a mess. I was praying my salahs and sent in my dilemma. Alhamdullilah you responded and I wanted to thank you. May Allah swt grant you abundance of happiness and protect you from any harm. I pray that you’re always safe from the evils of this world and you’re safe from hell fire. Thank you for being so sweet to a broken anon haha and thank you for being a vessel for my dua. ♥️
Omggggg stop it. Nooooo reading your words wallahi has genuinely filled me with gratitude. It’s a privilege to be able to provide support, even as an anonymous source. Your kind words mean a lot to me.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your appreciation, and I sincerely hope that your journey ahead is filled with light, happiness, and the protection of Allah swt
Anon
7 months ago
Hey,
I have this issue where I used to talk to this guy months back and then i ended things, but I recently found out this same guy is now talking to my best friend and she’s acting really strange about it. I do find it weird because the guy knew we were best friends when we were talking so I definitely think he has ulterior motives. However, when I brought this up to my friend she said yeah that’s strange and promised she’d stop talking to him. Anyways, I found out recently that she was lying and she’s still talking to him and I’m really annoyed now because I’d have preferred if she was straight up in the beginning and said she wanted to continue talking to him but instead she lied to my face(bare in mind this is the 2nd time I’ve caught her out).
I do feel like she’s breaking the girl code because I would never talk to a guy that one of my friends have spoken to in the past especially when they have said they feel uncomfortable about it so I don’t know what to do.
What do you think I should do? Am I overreacting? Any advice will be appreciated 🙂
Your friend is an absolute weirdo. Wait I take that back.
This person in proximity to you is a weirdo, because she is definitely not a friend.
She most definitely views female friendships as competitors, and not actual friends.
Anon
7 months ago
Hey sis, I see you mention you had surgery, do you mind us asking which surgery as you said it resulted in you gaining a lot of weight. (Totally understand if not so and ignore if you like x)
I had complications from a thyroid surgery. Had a big cyst size of a golf ball in my throat and once it was taken out, it didn’t heal properly and led to more complications. Certain medications led to me gaining a lot of weight but alhamdulilah I’m better
Anon
7 months ago
Why do you think common sense leaves the mind when some girls speak to guys ? A lot of questions you’d think shouldn’t need asking. For example marrying someone with a criminal record
Most people marry as the next milestone because they are ready to settle down and pick the best available option open for them.
Like I said before, they end up grabbing whoever because they were scared they’d never marry
Anon
7 months ago
Hey sis,
I think my husband to be is intimidated by me and is tryna measure up to me.
I’ve finished uni alhamdulilah and got a masters, drive , good job etc
I’m happy alhamdulilah I have a supportive environment around me however he on the other hand didn’t go uni ( which I don’t judge ) , hasn’t got an amazing job , doesn’t drive yet however I still push him to do well and motivate him but I’m just getting tired cause he just throws it back in my face
Like I’m here tryna push you to do well and you’re just starting arguments and he says ‘ stop repeating it I will do it ‘ but when it is gonna get done? He tells me to fall back and ‘ act like a wife ‘ Which just pisses me off cause he just doesn’t like that fact that I’m driven and go by the book – basically like you 😂😂
He listens to his mum and in my opinion doesn’t put me first even though he says he does but his actions say otherwise
I don’t wanna be with a man that’s just intimidated by my success wallah I’ve worked hard to get to where I am
I can’t even like looking into the future it’s making me think like are you just gonna be in the same in the future or are you gonna make moves?
part 2 of husband to be being intimated by me
You can tell he’s projecting every single time he acts up it used to get to me but it doesn’t anymore cause I realised what he was doing
Like he says he do this and that for me but he never gets round to doing it and just stretches it
When I always call him out on it and label him as insecure he goes quiet cause he knows he is and he’s just projecting? Cause whatever he’s accusing me of doesn’t even make sense and I realise it’s about him and he’s just taking it out on me
The truth of the matter is you married down. And this is just who he is. Wallahi I could go into all the reasons why he will never change but that genuinely does not matter.
You got two options here: Continue to be the breadwinner and overall provider of your household, raise children for him that grow up to believe it’s okay for a man to be useless, pass on those benchmarks on what it means to be a man to your daughters who will then, unfortunately seek out those same men in the future.
Or acknowledge that this was a mistake marrying him and find your equal.
This is the result of being scared that you would never marry and grabbed the person who was most available when you in fact, were most vulnerable. This is not what you or any woman deserves. Please. Rethink.
hi , sorry this is a bit of a ramble but I don’t have anyone to share this with
Ive tried to get over my ex and have been failing miserably. I’ve tried no contact , I put myself out there and started dating , I even got into a 6 month situation-ship which was going well up until recently , so I had to cut things off.
I’ve not spoken to my ex for 8 months and as sickening as it sounds , there hasn’t been a day we’re I don’t think about him. The worst ( probably for the best actually ) thing is I can’t even spin the block because he dead ass blocked me. I honestly don’t know how to get over this nigga, plus whats even more infuriating is that, when I think about how much he violated me I feel this sense of rage/betrayal but then I’m still in love ? I’ve made dua to get over him or if it was meant to be for Allah to bring us together in a halal way.
What are your thoughts on getting over someone?
Wallahi I absolutely regret even speaking to men , they say preventions is better than the cure, staying away from men like I was supposed to would have prevented all this heartache and time wasting .
After a breakup, self-doubt often clouds your ability to accept that things simply didn’t work out. Habit may pull you towards reaching out, engaging in more calls and conversations than ever, despite knowing that deep down inside this relationship will never work out.
Sometimes, you might find yourself checking on the other person, hoping against hope they aren’t doing well without you, because the thought of them moving on is unbearable. However, when a relationship is truly over, it ends deep within you. No matter the frequency of calls or conversations afterward, the finality of the end remains. The closure comes from inside. You need to be the one that gives that to yourself.
I feel like that saying “If it is meant to be, it will be” is, for many, a misconception. Love isn’t just a matter of destiny; it’s a deliberate choice. It’s more a verb than a noun—a series of actions and commitments made every day. And the sad reality is that true love, in itself, is not always sufficient for a relationship to succeed. Relationships require more than just love to truly work and thrive. If someone is not willing to become the person they need to be in order to make a loving relationship work – than its not enough.
I have been dating this guy now and it’s been a little over 6 months and we pretty much see eye to eye in everything and I can truly see myself marrying him down the road but there’s one thing… and idk if I’m reading too much into it but he won’t tell me how much he makes, likes he’s already graduated and is working at a well known firm but refuses to tell me his salary. He says he doesn’t tell anyone even his family and his mother he only told recently. I only ask from a place of can he look after me financially when we’re together does he have debt that he’s gonna spring on me ?which is why he’s refusing to tell me and he says he will tell me once we’re married which is kinda weird cause what are you hiding? I have no problem sharing mine bc this is supposedly someone you will be starting a life with. I hate to think so negatively but It feels like it could turn into financial abuse or something. And I’ve seen enough women in my life who have gone through that. Is this a valid concern and what should I do about it?
You haven’t even been together for a year. What makes you entitled to this information? I understand you can see yourself marrying him, but that might be different for him right NOW. And currently, you aren’t his wife. So I can understand why he may withhold from telling you. With that said, the second you both start planning wedding/nikkah – finances should be openly discussed. And for now, say that – “I respect your privacy, but when I eventually intend to marry whether its you or someone else, for my household I want finances to be openly discussed.” And that’s it.
Hey Sis, I wanted to ask a question about friendship in a marriage. I feel like I have a nice personality but only with women , I don’t know why I can’t be my true self with any man. I’m aware it’s something to do with trust issues , but I don’t know where those trust issues stem from. I really want my future husband to be my best friend , I want to be so comfortable fun and free, the way I’m with all the women around me. With some men I’m concerned about my looks or I’m shy , with others I’m afraid they are not genuine so I come across intimidating or unapproachable. One thing I know to stop doing is putting certain men on a pedestal because then I won’t be confident and I won’t be myself. I’m working on that rn. What else do I need to do or stop doing so I can let my personality shine and hopefully find a lover and best friend in my future husband.
I think what often drives inauthentic behaviour in relationships especially during that first dating stage is the fear of rejection and not being able to meet your partner’s standards. When I was younger, I definitely used to bend over backwards and become someone else entirely to be perceived as likable and appealing. When in truth I was actually working against myself because my true self, is so much more entertaining and likeable.
With that said, a big realisation for me was understanding that my lack of authenticity stemmed from a deep-seated lack of trust with men in general. I always had this attitude that men would eventually take from me, and I kept a safe distance. This makes so much sense for me now, particularly when I think about my husband and our connection. I have a strong belief that my younger self made sure not to open up truly to anyone else until I met the one meant for me, because the version of me that my husband sees – no one else has ever seen before. Probably not even my family or friends. It’s the kind of vulnerability in me that I never knew existed up until that point. I went from not ever being emotional my entire life, to opening up day 2 of meeting him.
New emotions are hard to deal with. They make you nervous and anxious, sometimes where you can’t think (because you’re thinking too much). I actually think it’s a great idea you’re no longer putting men on a pedestal because it ends up making you even more nervous. Only talk to people that are kind, that are good listeners. It’s so much easier to open up and feel safe around. Especially people who find you so interesting and love listening to you.
I need kind advice from my sisters.
I’m in my late twenties, my last year of uni (I dropped out first time because I wanted a career change before I invested too much) and have been getting good grades so far alhamdulilah and have been getting a lot of experience in that is relevant for my career (will try an internship as well) and all in that department is well. My dilemma is that I have lately started to see myself comparing myself to others journey which I have NEVER done before but not in terms of career but in terms of money and feeling poor and not able to do things and experience things because I work part time and I also help my family on the side whenever I can afford it. I have noticed that ever since lockdown I have barely been out because I struggle to afford most things which makes me feel so embarrassed and I know rizq is from Allah but when you have friends who invite you out to certain places or talk about their travel trips and I realise that these little things which are ‘normal’ for people is currently difficult for me as I feel like I cannot currently afford them. I am in survival mode, depressed and recently diagnosed with a serious disabling disease which has thrown me off because I already struggle with my mental health a lot as it is.
I realise I feel very inexperienced whenever I speak to other girls who have travelled, been in relationships and around places and have many stories to share and mine ends at age 23 when I did have a booming social life, lived it up and travelled with friends and even did sleepovers and flirted and had fun with men (i am muslim so I did try to be as halal lol). Sometimes I wonder if I romanticise those days the most.
I don’t mind being single as much as I mind not having enough money to do the things I want like travel, buy myself something expensive and fun that is for myself and to be financially stable. Its always been my dream and maybe all of the things that has been happening in my life made me feel this way lately because everyone who knows me (even till now) considers me to be the most resilient and positive person and I get comments about it daily and I know I have many good qualities (beauty included if I wanna toot my horn a lil) but it doesn’t feel as good when i think about how limited life has been since pandemic and how much poverty has made me feel like I am unable to do things as much. I sometimes feel ungrateful but I want advice from people who may give me words of hope that this is not it. I feel embarrassed even sharing this lol
Here’s the truth: this dynamic affects everyone. This is honestly a crossroad many of us will encounter at some point in our 20’s. That feeling of where we “should” be in life, according to a set of benchmarks.
My own experience taught me that reducing time on social media and being mindful about what I consumed was crucial for my mental health, especially during my university years. I’ll be honest, when I was fighting for my life in uni, paying bills, working part time and helping out family – I didn’t want to watch reality tv shows of heiresses showing off their wealth. Because I realised that such content only highlighted the stark inequalities in the world and added to my stress. I constantly felt like I wasn’t doing enough, when infact – I was actually working my body into the ground. But because I was in the ‘grind’ stage of my life, I couldn’t appreciate it yet because I hadn’t seen my fruits.
So, what did I do? I became intentional about my media consumption. It’s like gardening; you tend your own plot, not the one you see over the fence. By focusing on personal growth and goals, I found a sense of direction that wasn’t swayed by the seemingly greener grass on the other side. From 13-25 I saw nothing. It’s only now that I’m grateful to that little girl for not wavering because I can’t tell you how many times I would have given up.
With that said, you don’t want to make your self worth solely dependent on your job / finances / relationship status because you are so much more than that as a human being. Sometimes your ahead, sometimes your behind. The race is long, but in the end, it’s only with yourself. Everyone has their own timeline! Just because yours looks different, doesn’t mean it’s worse.
In regards to finding a relationship, the more you want it – the more you end up working against yourself. It’s counterproductive. Just let it happen. Put yourself in places that increase that possibility like social activities. Others will come. You don’t want to say “I wish I had waited” in case someone better comes along. How tricky life can be in this regard. A desperate to find a mate aura can be sensed by the other person and scare them off, especially men who are weary of emotionally dependent women.
Everyone will go through periods of time that we want to share life with someone special, possibly the one that you spend your life with, until death do you part. So, what I am saying is to get out there, start meeting people, and dating, but do it when you are not feeling desperate.
I feel like I lack charisma and is why guys struggle to get to know me. I’m trying to be more charismatic but I don’t know where to start pls any suggestions would help
Charisma is definitely an important element in relationships, especially during the first stages of getting to know someone. Men, and women, we all want someone that is extremely charismatic.
For someone to become more charismatic about something, there has to be at least one fundamental component to make it happen and that’s: passion.
You need to be passionate about what you are crazy for, literally. As in when you talk about it, your eyes will light up.
You cannot fake charisma even if you tried to! Your essence never lies, and it will eventually reveal itself. And then that will get embarrassing.
To be charismatic means to have a passion that runs deep and wide. We all have our choices. So to reiterate what my suggestion is, do something passionate… that you truly love doing, with those you love or share the same interest, and you will more than likely become charismatic especially when you share that with someone else.
This isn’t a question but a general post of appreciation. I remember asking you a question on curious cat and i believe you were a vessel Allah swt used to save me. Wallahi i was teary eyed and heartbroken and overall a mess. I was praying my salahs and sent in my dilemma. Alhamdullilah you responded and I wanted to thank you. May Allah swt grant you abundance of happiness and protect you from any harm. I pray that you’re always safe from the evils of this world and you’re safe from hell fire. Thank you for being so sweet to a broken anon haha and thank you for being a vessel for my dua. ♥️
Omggggg stop it. Nooooo reading your words wallahi has genuinely filled me with gratitude. It’s a privilege to be able to provide support, even as an anonymous source. Your kind words mean a lot to me.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your appreciation, and I sincerely hope that your journey ahead is filled with light, happiness, and the protection of Allah swt
Hey,
I have this issue where I used to talk to this guy months back and then i ended things, but I recently found out this same guy is now talking to my best friend and she’s acting really strange about it. I do find it weird because the guy knew we were best friends when we were talking so I definitely think he has ulterior motives. However, when I brought this up to my friend she said yeah that’s strange and promised she’d stop talking to him. Anyways, I found out recently that she was lying and she’s still talking to him and I’m really annoyed now because I’d have preferred if she was straight up in the beginning and said she wanted to continue talking to him but instead she lied to my face(bare in mind this is the 2nd time I’ve caught her out).
I do feel like she’s breaking the girl code because I would never talk to a guy that one of my friends have spoken to in the past especially when they have said they feel uncomfortable about it so I don’t know what to do.
What do you think I should do? Am I overreacting? Any advice will be appreciated 🙂
Your friend is an absolute weirdo. Wait I take that back.
This person in proximity to you is a weirdo, because she is definitely not a friend.
She most definitely views female friendships as competitors, and not actual friends.
Hey sis, I see you mention you had surgery, do you mind us asking which surgery as you said it resulted in you gaining a lot of weight. (Totally understand if not so and ignore if you like x)
I had complications from a thyroid surgery. Had a big cyst size of a golf ball in my throat and once it was taken out, it didn’t heal properly and led to more complications. Certain medications led to me gaining a lot of weight but alhamdulilah I’m better
Why do you think common sense leaves the mind when some girls speak to guys ? A lot of questions you’d think shouldn’t need asking. For example marrying someone with a criminal record
For convenience, companionship and children.
Most people marry as the next milestone because they are ready to settle down and pick the best available option open for them.
Like I said before, they end up grabbing whoever because they were scared they’d never marry
Hey sis,
I think my husband to be is intimidated by me and is tryna measure up to me.
I’ve finished uni alhamdulilah and got a masters, drive , good job etc
I’m happy alhamdulilah I have a supportive environment around me however he on the other hand didn’t go uni ( which I don’t judge ) , hasn’t got an amazing job , doesn’t drive yet however I still push him to do well and motivate him but I’m just getting tired cause he just throws it back in my face
Like I’m here tryna push you to do well and you’re just starting arguments and he says ‘ stop repeating it I will do it ‘ but when it is gonna get done? He tells me to fall back and ‘ act like a wife ‘ Which just pisses me off cause he just doesn’t like that fact that I’m driven and go by the book – basically like you 😂😂
He listens to his mum and in my opinion doesn’t put me first even though he says he does but his actions say otherwise
I don’t wanna be with a man that’s just intimidated by my success wallah I’ve worked hard to get to where I am
I can’t even like looking into the future it’s making me think like are you just gonna be in the same in the future or are you gonna make moves?
part 2 of husband to be being intimated by me
You can tell he’s projecting every single time he acts up it used to get to me but it doesn’t anymore cause I realised what he was doing
Like he says he do this and that for me but he never gets round to doing it and just stretches it
When I always call him out on it and label him as insecure he goes quiet cause he knows he is and he’s just projecting? Cause whatever he’s accusing me of doesn’t even make sense and I realise it’s about him and he’s just taking it out on me
The truth of the matter is you married down. And this is just who he is. Wallahi I could go into all the reasons why he will never change but that genuinely does not matter.
You got two options here: Continue to be the breadwinner and overall provider of your household, raise children for him that grow up to believe it’s okay for a man to be useless, pass on those benchmarks on what it means to be a man to your daughters who will then, unfortunately seek out those same men in the future.
Or acknowledge that this was a mistake marrying him and find your equal.
This is the result of being scared that you would never marry and grabbed the person who was most available when you in fact, were most vulnerable. This is not what you or any woman deserves. Please. Rethink.