Hello, let me preface this by saying I found this 20 minutes ago and I’ve been reading your responses and you sound like a sound woman. Anyways, from the title and website of this page I know it’s aimed at sisters but I’d like a female response to this q. If it isn’t obvious, I’m a guy but I’m not the average guy. To put it plainly, I’m not a virgin. I had a potential earlier this year. And even tho I’ve slept with this girl she’s a very good girl. I know some guys think “if she sleeps with you she isn’t a viable option” but this is where we both lack. She ticks every box imaginable, we are the same in that regard. However, intimacy is our weakness. Now, unfortunately things didn’t work out. My friends continue to tell me that I should forget about her and find a “good girl” and make it halal. The problem is, me and my ex understand each other like no other. She knew I slept with someone before her and loved me regardless. I know it’s haram but she’s a good girl. Now here’s the dilemma, I met a girl recently. She’s good. I can’t say she ticks every box like my previous but I want to take things slow so I don’t mess up again. I’ve got a body count of 3 and I really really don’t want to increase it. Everyone around me has varying opinions with this. For me personally? I want my wife to be my best friend so I wouldn’t want any secrets between me and her. Some friends have told me I should tell her that I’ve slept with 3 girls before her. Because if she finds out in the future then it could harm the marriage. I agree with this opinion and I wouldn’t want to hide it at all. But the other friends keep telling me that if I tell her things are gonna go south and I have every right to hide it. They keep saying “It’s between you and Allah” and “don’t reveal your sins” etc. I don’t like this option but if it hurts my chances of getting married then I feel I might have to hide it and I hate that. I hate I’m in this predicament. For context, this girl I’m talking to is a virgin. Good girl and that but do i disclose it? Or as a woman do you think it would hurt to hear and I shouldn’t tell her?
You need to read the room, would she actually want to know or is it don’t ask don’t tell kind of thing? Why would you want to plant a seed into her head if she hasn’t directly asked you? You have to ask why you would want to tell her unprovoked? If this girl did not ask, and she did not pry about it, why would you tell her? Especially when islamically, you are advised not to expose your sins. I feel like this is another example of when someone admits to cheating. They only do it to get rid of the guilt. You are offloading, only because it makes you feel better about yourself. However, respecting honesty, if it does come up in natural conversation, you shouldn’t lie either. If it does come up, don’t lie and confront it. Sometimes, girls actually prefer someone who has had experience. They just don’t like the thought of you being with someone else. But if I’m being honest, you have bigger fish to fry regarding the ex. You’re measuring this new girl up with your ex, saying that she doesn’t tick all the boxes like her. She doesn’t understand you like your ex did. I think it would be unfair on this new girl and you to pursue something if your heart is set on someone else. Because you’re not giving this new girl a fair chance. Part of me also thinks: you talking about your sexual history, wanting to bring it up to her even though she hasn’t asked, feels like you are trying to jeopardise any possibility of moving on with this new girl. You’re like, let me tell her I’ve had sex with so and so unprovoked, blah blah blah, then hopefully bring up a conversation about your ex to her, just to say anything so it doesn’t work. It feels like you’re trying to look for an out. Maybe you don’t realise you’re doing it but that’s what it honestly sounds like, to me anyway.
Anon
3 years ago
hey girly, love reading the advice you give so I thought I’d put this to you, I’m currently with a man I really want to marry, he’s literally perfectttt, takes care of me emotionally, mentally, financially and takes on all his roles as a man. We talk about literally everything, how we’re gonna raise a family and children and what both of our roles would be. In talking about this though he also talks about what his sexual expectations are and he believes a couple should have sex everyday and obviously as a Muslim girl I don’t know if my sex drive will really be up to it everyday or is this something that changes when you actually get married? I guess I’m worried about if this is normal for a man to want it every single day maybe even multiple times and if I will be able to satisfy him/ btw I’m not actually uncomfortable about the way he speaks about it bc he doesn’t make it just about himself he makes it clear pleasing me is his priority too. I just want to make sure I’m not marrying a porn addict or something lollll and Idk who to ask about a normal man’s sex drive is?? If you have any thoughts please let me know
Anon
3 years ago
Why are women in the 21st century scared of divorce ?
People should be more scared of marriage than divorce in my opinion. How I see it is, your life changes drastically when you get married, and then it changes even more when you become a mother. Not much changes for men. And in some cases, some women end up having their lives change for the worst the second they get married. And it’s more common than you think. Luckily when I was younger, I got to see and hear some of these experiences, so it got me to wise up and wait until I found someone with a solid foundation. And even then, for some people that is still not enough, sometimes a good man you get married to can also change too. Marriage is the biggest gamble. At least divorce you can get what somewhat the remanence of your old life back. So that would never scare me (God forbid), I guess it’s the whole idea of going back to square one is what is scary for most people. I hope when people see this they don’t think OH MY GOD why would she say this, is she happy then? Yes I am. But instead of being one of those people who just say “it could never be me”, I actually like to be realistic with myself, and thats why I am so accountable with every decision I make. I could have settled down time ago with the first person that wanted me to be their GYAL. But for me, everything I do right now goes towards my future and thats why every decision I make is imperative. There’s no doing anything on a whim, or because ‘I feel like it’. I have to make responsible choices for Lula in the present and Lula in the future. So when girlies say “God when” “When is it my time”, honestly think to yourself, the next person that comes into your life: are they worth compromising your future? If not, NEXT CALLER!
Anon
3 years ago
Sis I need your opinion on something! Me and a couple of gals were talking about life after marriage and our expectations! I mentioned that I would want my man to pay the rent of the house meanwhile I’ll take of the things within the house e.g. groceries, if anything needs repairing in the house, you know the essentials. And these girls looked at me like I’ve had some pork and then some alcohol to go down with it. Like I don’t understand how that is so shocking. I do understand everyone has their own opinions. For example I wouldn’t mind cooking for him most of the time since I enjoy doing that. But I feel like asking a man to pay the rent is not a huge deal when the house has like 2 bedrooms probs. All depends on the guys income obviously but if he is earning enough then why not let him do his part right?
Do your friends have a problem with you thinking a husband should pay the full rent? I’ll be real with you, all women want their husbands to take care of them, especially in the islamic way that they’re meant to. The ones that say they don’t, are projecting. Because they know the men they typically go for will never do this for them and so they are better of saying “oh well, I didn’t want it anyways.”. But you definitely do. I honestly think that is the bare minimum of a marriage, you do your part and I do mine. Helping out small stuff like getting groceries, paying the internet bill, is absolutely fine. How much you help depends on the person you are getting married to of course. Now if you are 20 years old getting married to another 20 year old, chances are, you are going to have to help foot that bill. Why? Because unless you are giving the chance to live in a council property, the chances are a man that young is not going to be able to afford paying 100% of the rent. So you then need to decide what you are going to do with that information. Do you get married now? Do you get married and then help contribute whilst both struggling or do you just wait? What people don’t understand is waiting is 10 times better than whatever scenario you get in with someone who is genuinely struggling to do the bare minimum for you.
Anon
3 years ago
Hii I just wanted to say that I love the way you answer questions, you’re like a older sister from a diff mum honestly. But I’ve got a dilemma for you which I’ve actually never shared with anyone and have only recently told my friends about its quite embarrassing icl. So there’s a guy, it’s always a guy right? I met him when I was in my early teens and he actually sort of forced the friendship thing but it was alright after a few weeks later cuz he was funny tbh so we got along quite well, just casual young friends right? We met up maybe a year and half later for the first time we didn’t talk much it was a bit awkward for me as I thought he would be quite talkative. Now after we link he’s energy changed he was complementing me regularly and then later on told me he’s always had this crush on me which honestly caught me by surprise cuz I normally know when someone likes me, but then he was the funny unserious type of guy and he never showed it plus I was only like 16/17 so I honestly didn’t care for it. So I was like yeah let’s talk and see where this goes, truth is I just didn’t wanna reject a friend, i knew deep down I wasn’t gonna take this guy serious so I was just going with the flow. Can you blame me tho I was 17?
Ok now I’m 18 he ends up falling in love very very obvious about it as soon as I saw that I wanted to dip told him uno, I can’t do this cuz clearly I was not interested I always tried to be honest multiple times telling him the truth once I saw that he was falling for me but he stayed regardless. So I started chatting to other men ( i always used to tbh he knew as well) but I chose to be loud about this one specific relationship not necessarily showing but not hiding as well just so he could leave me alone. Which was very wrong of me cuz he made me feel terrible for that and so I ended up developing a soft spot for him cuz he told me how shit and low I made him feel. That obviously made me feel guilty icl so I stopped, and so he clocked that and started doing it more manipulating me by complaining (sometimes even crying….🙃ik) which would just make me feel like walahi such a shitty person. He then became controlling after that going through my phone also wherever I am he instantly pulls up, the stuff he was doing were just showing how obsessive and controlling he was. I think one of my worst experience would be when he shouted at me in the middle of a very busy street embarrassed me in front of everyone and threw his phone on a wall breaking it, all cuz I didn’t pick up my phone because apparently I was in another guy’s car, also that I didn’t actually go out with my cousin to get some food but went to go see guys. He then proceeded to check my pending payment on my online banking to confirm whether I paid for the food or not? ( I actually did get a ride from another guy to the food place so he wasn’t paranoid for nothing tbh). Now he ends up proposing I’m still 18 i was in shock he wanted me to go home and meet his mum literally straight after I said yes but I knew that I only said yes because I didn’t wanna break his heart I didn’t know what to say. Like how could someone be so oblivious idgi? I hated him for putting me in that ugly situation since i already felt bad..I now go home and my cousin talked me out of it, it weren’t gonna happen anyways but i think to make him happy I would’ve went through with it tbh. My older cousin told me that I’m still young and that he is clearly obsessive and weird….so I built up the courage and told him that I can’t do it anymore made up excuses he wasn’t happy ofc and somehow assumed it was my cousin which was true and he hates her till this day. Ok now a few months after that I leave my dads house and move to my Mums which lives in the Uk, and as soon as i got here i gave it a few weeks told him the truth he weren’t listening, so I wasted no more time and blocked him everywhere, I changed my phone number twice for the past 2 years, blocked 30+ fake insta accounts, stopped using insta after that, blocked 15+ whatsapp numbers even more snap accounts it’s been almost 3 years I haven’t seen this guy and I feel like I can’t even peacefully use my phone cuz he calls me every hour of the day and no I never pick up I just block whichever new number he’s calling me from. He always manages to get my phone number alwayss idk how, I already cut off mutual friends, other ppl I know from that city but he’s not going away. I once picked up it was last Ramadan just asked him if he was holding any grudges? and if he could stop calling me? He replied to me by saying that even if I ever get married he’s never leaving me alone, walahi that one scared me, he also befriended my male cousins so he said that whatever I do he’s always gonna have access to me. I’m turning 21 now and I feel like I’m opening up a bit more and slowly becoming happy again. Sis I’ve stopped talking to 2 guys recently once I saw that they were talking about marriage regularly or just genuinely taking me serious, because I won’t mind getting married right now if i find the right person but because I’m scared of what might happen when he finds out. I feel like karma is set for me i was always honest with him but I’m just soo scared like how do I get rid of him? Involve family? Or that’ll be just embarrassing. (I’m sorry if it’s too long and all over the place 😉
This man is narcissist and he is controlling. Subhanallah Idk how you even managed to get out of that situation considering how much he was manipulating you. Each sentence I read it just got worse. You need to tell your parents, and the rest of your family. Especially your cousins who continues to bring him into your life. I would even look into making a police report so you can document this because you’re afraid. Take screenshots of everything and email it to family members. I’m being deadly serious. I’d even go to the lengths of changing all your passwords on all your accounts, anything he might have had. If I were you, I’d start sharing my location 24/7 with someone I trust. I don’t want to scare you, but this man sounds unhinged and will stop at nothing as long as he gets you. And whatever you do, do not let him pull the wool of your eyes. Narcissistic men are really good with their words, and can convince you time after time for you to give them a second chance. Only to get you and tighten the grip they already have on your life. You should also try to cut back on social media. Don’t live stream places you are, don’t post stuff that could show where you are in real time and post after you have left.
Anon
3 years ago
i think cc going down is a blessing in disguise, this platform is fab!
I know right!!! I honestly love it 😭 every two seconds we were tweaking it last night to make it look as user friendly as possible. My next thing I wanna do with it is include blog submissions from other girls in the future. That might be really nice
Anon
3 years ago
Been married 4 years now (2 kids) and my husband keeps looking at women online (twerking vids/pics of women who are barely clothed) we’ve discussed this issue on numerous occassions and he apologises and keeps promising it won’t happen again but it does. This is the only issue we have in the relationship. He helps out, is a hands on father, is kind etc but I can’t seem to get passed this. (I also dress up/put makeup on and look presentable so I know I’m not the problem – he says this too but alas). How else do you think I should handle this? Thanks x
If you have continuously brought it up to him, and he is still doing it, there’s not much more talking you can do. Also it really does depend on how bad these videos are. If they are really bad, I’m in the mind of, If he does something you don’t appreciate, remove wife privileges from the house. Be distant with him, don’t cook him food, don’t talk. Men will quickly realise what it is your upset about. You have to be smart about it. Men don’t respond to women who scream and nag all the time. But when they get a wife who barely even wants to speak to him, he’ll be like wtf. And then, say to him genuinely, I’m really concerned about the kind of images you’re looking at, and that you’re disappointed he can’t lower his gaze. I wouldn’t take it personal. I don’t even think he realises it’s a problem.
Anon
3 years ago
My friends dont understand i dont want to speak about sex in detail with them and the topic makes me uncomfortable
Anytime they bring up something inappropriate just close off and make shit awkward. That’s the only way people will learn. When you make it awkward for everyone, is when they’ll leave you alone.
Anon
3 years ago
This page looks great!! So my dilemma is a bit of a long one. I’m now 22. Never kissed a guy or had a boyfriend. I’ve only been on one proper date when I was like 18. Since then I haven’t really spoken to any guys. It’s a weird one because culturally and religiously I am doing the right thing. Like I know I’m not supposed to be doing anything but, at the same time living in this western world I feel like I’m missing out on things and an odd one out. I only have one friend in the same position as me but she isn’t even the same religion which is funny. I don’t even like telling people that I’ve never kissed anyone because it’s embarrassing at this point. I feel like I’ve left things so long that it’s weird for me to even say. People I have mentioned it to are always shocked because I am pretty but I feel like it’s not even about that. I get really anxious when it comes to guys that I find attractive. I can talk to someone I don’t like really easily but if I do I completely shut down and forget what my personality is. I’m scared that I’ll be like this forever and won’t be able to meet someone and connect with them the way I want. I also don’t really know what I want in a guy to be honest. All the men in my life are pretty disappointing and even though I don’t want to generalise it’s hard for me to see me finding a good man in a world of so many bad ones.
The only way you’re going to get over this fear of men is to get yourself out there and go on as many dates as possible. If I look back at my very first date I must’ve been a hot mess but it honestly didn’t take me long to get comfortable and be really confident. The first few ones are the most daunting and then, it just becomes FUN! Its honestly not scary, you learn so much about yourself and what you like that it just makes everything better. Getting to know people starts to feel like a hobby and each person you meet, you’re like which one do I pick? Who is more interesting? It’s just fun.
Anon
3 years ago
How long did it take to pick where you wanted to live? I’m currently looking and it feels like I’ll never find something that’s right
It took awhile I’ll be honest. But I kind of knew I wanted this place way before I got married, and it had an agency so I knew there were always something available. Even though this was literally the last flat available at the time. But before I found this one, I was like wtffff. Nothing felt like I actually liked it without comprising on what was important. For me that was space. I knew I wanted a spacious living room because I did not want to feel claustrophobic. Figure out what you want and are looking for, and start from there. It takes months before you find out where you are going to live. Look for agency’s and apartments that offer a few months rent free. A lot of apartments in north west London offer especially during covid so that’s great. But yeah, just keep looking, keep calling estate agents because sometimes they’ll find something for you before it’s up on zoopla or rightmove etc
Hello, let me preface this by saying I found this 20 minutes ago and I’ve been reading your responses and you sound like a sound woman. Anyways, from the title and website of this page I know it’s aimed at sisters but I’d like a female response to this q. If it isn’t obvious, I’m a guy but I’m not the average guy. To put it plainly, I’m not a virgin. I had a potential earlier this year. And even tho I’ve slept with this girl she’s a very good girl. I know some guys think “if she sleeps with you she isn’t a viable option” but this is where we both lack. She ticks every box imaginable, we are the same in that regard. However, intimacy is our weakness. Now, unfortunately things didn’t work out. My friends continue to tell me that I should forget about her and find a “good girl” and make it halal. The problem is, me and my ex understand each other like no other. She knew I slept with someone before her and loved me regardless. I know it’s haram but she’s a good girl. Now here’s the dilemma, I met a girl recently. She’s good. I can’t say she ticks every box like my previous but I want to take things slow so I don’t mess up again. I’ve got a body count of 3 and I really really don’t want to increase it. Everyone around me has varying opinions with this. For me personally? I want my wife to be my best friend so I wouldn’t want any secrets between me and her. Some friends have told me I should tell her that I’ve slept with 3 girls before her. Because if she finds out in the future then it could harm the marriage. I agree with this opinion and I wouldn’t want to hide it at all. But the other friends keep telling me that if I tell her things are gonna go south and I have every right to hide it. They keep saying “It’s between you and Allah” and “don’t reveal your sins” etc. I don’t like this option but if it hurts my chances of getting married then I feel I might have to hide it and I hate that. I hate I’m in this predicament. For context, this girl I’m talking to is a virgin. Good girl and that but do i disclose it? Or as a woman do you think it would hurt to hear and I shouldn’t tell her?
You need to read the room, would she actually want to know or is it don’t ask don’t tell kind of thing? Why would you want to plant a seed into her head if she hasn’t directly asked you? You have to ask why you would want to tell her unprovoked? If this girl did not ask, and she did not pry about it, why would you tell her? Especially when islamically, you are advised not to expose your sins. I feel like this is another example of when someone admits to cheating. They only do it to get rid of the guilt. You are offloading, only because it makes you feel better about yourself. However, respecting honesty, if it does come up in natural conversation, you shouldn’t lie either. If it does come up, don’t lie and confront it. Sometimes, girls actually prefer someone who has had experience. They just don’t like the thought of you being with someone else. But if I’m being honest, you have bigger fish to fry regarding the ex. You’re measuring this new girl up with your ex, saying that she doesn’t tick all the boxes like her. She doesn’t understand you like your ex did. I think it would be unfair on this new girl and you to pursue something if your heart is set on someone else. Because you’re not giving this new girl a fair chance. Part of me also thinks: you talking about your sexual history, wanting to bring it up to her even though she hasn’t asked, feels like you are trying to jeopardise any possibility of moving on with this new girl. You’re like, let me tell her I’ve had sex with so and so unprovoked, blah blah blah, then hopefully bring up a conversation about your ex to her, just to say anything so it doesn’t work. It feels like you’re trying to look for an out. Maybe you don’t realise you’re doing it but that’s what it honestly sounds like, to me anyway.
hey girly, love reading the advice you give so I thought I’d put this to you, I’m currently with a man I really want to marry, he’s literally perfectttt, takes care of me emotionally, mentally, financially and takes on all his roles as a man. We talk about literally everything, how we’re gonna raise a family and children and what both of our roles would be. In talking about this though he also talks about what his sexual expectations are and he believes a couple should have sex everyday and obviously as a Muslim girl I don’t know if my sex drive will really be up to it everyday or is this something that changes when you actually get married? I guess I’m worried about if this is normal for a man to want it every single day maybe even multiple times and if I will be able to satisfy him/ btw I’m not actually uncomfortable about the way he speaks about it bc he doesn’t make it just about himself he makes it clear pleasing me is his priority too. I just want to make sure I’m not marrying a porn addict or something lollll and Idk who to ask about a normal man’s sex drive is?? If you have any thoughts please let me know
Why are women in the 21st century scared of divorce ?
People should be more scared of marriage than divorce in my opinion. How I see it is, your life changes drastically when you get married, and then it changes even more when you become a mother. Not much changes for men. And in some cases, some women end up having their lives change for the worst the second they get married. And it’s more common than you think. Luckily when I was younger, I got to see and hear some of these experiences, so it got me to wise up and wait until I found someone with a solid foundation. And even then, for some people that is still not enough, sometimes a good man you get married to can also change too. Marriage is the biggest gamble. At least divorce you can get what somewhat the remanence of your old life back. So that would never scare me (God forbid), I guess it’s the whole idea of going back to square one is what is scary for most people. I hope when people see this they don’t think OH MY GOD why would she say this, is she happy then? Yes I am. But instead of being one of those people who just say “it could never be me”, I actually like to be realistic with myself, and thats why I am so accountable with every decision I make. I could have settled down time ago with the first person that wanted me to be their GYAL. But for me, everything I do right now goes towards my future and thats why every decision I make is imperative. There’s no doing anything on a whim, or because ‘I feel like it’. I have to make responsible choices for Lula in the present and Lula in the future. So when girlies say “God when” “When is it my time”, honestly think to yourself, the next person that comes into your life: are they worth compromising your future? If not, NEXT CALLER!
Sis I need your opinion on something! Me and a couple of gals were talking about life after marriage and our expectations! I mentioned that I would want my man to pay the rent of the house meanwhile I’ll take of the things within the house e.g. groceries, if anything needs repairing in the house, you know the essentials. And these girls looked at me like I’ve had some pork and then some alcohol to go down with it. Like I don’t understand how that is so shocking. I do understand everyone has their own opinions. For example I wouldn’t mind cooking for him most of the time since I enjoy doing that. But I feel like asking a man to pay the rent is not a huge deal when the house has like 2 bedrooms probs. All depends on the guys income obviously but if he is earning enough then why not let him do his part right?
Do your friends have a problem with you thinking a husband should pay the full rent? I’ll be real with you, all women want their husbands to take care of them, especially in the islamic way that they’re meant to. The ones that say they don’t, are projecting. Because they know the men they typically go for will never do this for them and so they are better of saying “oh well, I didn’t want it anyways.”. But you definitely do. I honestly think that is the bare minimum of a marriage, you do your part and I do mine. Helping out small stuff like getting groceries, paying the internet bill, is absolutely fine. How much you help depends on the person you are getting married to of course. Now if you are 20 years old getting married to another 20 year old, chances are, you are going to have to help foot that bill. Why? Because unless you are giving the chance to live in a council property, the chances are a man that young is not going to be able to afford paying 100% of the rent. So you then need to decide what you are going to do with that information. Do you get married now? Do you get married and then help contribute whilst both struggling or do you just wait? What people don’t understand is waiting is 10 times better than whatever scenario you get in with someone who is genuinely struggling to do the bare minimum for you.
Hii I just wanted to say that I love the way you answer questions, you’re like a older sister from a diff mum honestly. But I’ve got a dilemma for you which I’ve actually never shared with anyone and have only recently told my friends about its quite embarrassing icl. So there’s a guy, it’s always a guy right? I met him when I was in my early teens and he actually sort of forced the friendship thing but it was alright after a few weeks later cuz he was funny tbh so we got along quite well, just casual young friends right? We met up maybe a year and half later for the first time we didn’t talk much it was a bit awkward for me as I thought he would be quite talkative. Now after we link he’s energy changed he was complementing me regularly and then later on told me he’s always had this crush on me which honestly caught me by surprise cuz I normally know when someone likes me, but then he was the funny unserious type of guy and he never showed it plus I was only like 16/17 so I honestly didn’t care for it. So I was like yeah let’s talk and see where this goes, truth is I just didn’t wanna reject a friend, i knew deep down I wasn’t gonna take this guy serious so I was just going with the flow. Can you blame me tho I was 17?
Ok now I’m 18 he ends up falling in love very very obvious about it as soon as I saw that I wanted to dip told him uno, I can’t do this cuz clearly I was not interested I always tried to be honest multiple times telling him the truth once I saw that he was falling for me but he stayed regardless. So I started chatting to other men ( i always used to tbh he knew as well) but I chose to be loud about this one specific relationship not necessarily showing but not hiding as well just so he could leave me alone. Which was very wrong of me cuz he made me feel terrible for that and so I ended up developing a soft spot for him cuz he told me how shit and low I made him feel. That obviously made me feel guilty icl so I stopped, and so he clocked that and started doing it more manipulating me by complaining (sometimes even crying….🙃ik) which would just make me feel like walahi such a shitty person. He then became controlling after that going through my phone also wherever I am he instantly pulls up, the stuff he was doing were just showing how obsessive and controlling he was. I think one of my worst experience would be when he shouted at me in the middle of a very busy street embarrassed me in front of everyone and threw his phone on a wall breaking it, all cuz I didn’t pick up my phone because apparently I was in another guy’s car, also that I didn’t actually go out with my cousin to get some food but went to go see guys. He then proceeded to check my pending payment on my online banking to confirm whether I paid for the food or not? ( I actually did get a ride from another guy to the food place so he wasn’t paranoid for nothing tbh). Now he ends up proposing I’m still 18 i was in shock he wanted me to go home and meet his mum literally straight after I said yes but I knew that I only said yes because I didn’t wanna break his heart I didn’t know what to say. Like how could someone be so oblivious idgi? I hated him for putting me in that ugly situation since i already felt bad..I now go home and my cousin talked me out of it, it weren’t gonna happen anyways but i think to make him happy I would’ve went through with it tbh. My older cousin told me that I’m still young and that he is clearly obsessive and weird….so I built up the courage and told him that I can’t do it anymore made up excuses he wasn’t happy ofc and somehow assumed it was my cousin which was true and he hates her till this day. Ok now a few months after that I leave my dads house and move to my Mums which lives in the Uk, and as soon as i got here i gave it a few weeks told him the truth he weren’t listening, so I wasted no more time and blocked him everywhere, I changed my phone number twice for the past 2 years, blocked 30+ fake insta accounts, stopped using insta after that, blocked 15+ whatsapp numbers even more snap accounts it’s been almost 3 years I haven’t seen this guy and I feel like I can’t even peacefully use my phone cuz he calls me every hour of the day and no I never pick up I just block whichever new number he’s calling me from. He always manages to get my phone number alwayss idk how, I already cut off mutual friends, other ppl I know from that city but he’s not going away. I once picked up it was last Ramadan just asked him if he was holding any grudges? and if he could stop calling me? He replied to me by saying that even if I ever get married he’s never leaving me alone, walahi that one scared me, he also befriended my male cousins so he said that whatever I do he’s always gonna have access to me. I’m turning 21 now and I feel like I’m opening up a bit more and slowly becoming happy again. Sis I’ve stopped talking to 2 guys recently once I saw that they were talking about marriage regularly or just genuinely taking me serious, because I won’t mind getting married right now if i find the right person but because I’m scared of what might happen when he finds out. I feel like karma is set for me i was always honest with him but I’m just soo scared like how do I get rid of him? Involve family? Or that’ll be just embarrassing. (I’m sorry if it’s too long and all over the place 😉
This man is narcissist and he is controlling. Subhanallah Idk how you even managed to get out of that situation considering how much he was manipulating you. Each sentence I read it just got worse. You need to tell your parents, and the rest of your family. Especially your cousins who continues to bring him into your life. I would even look into making a police report so you can document this because you’re afraid. Take screenshots of everything and email it to family members. I’m being deadly serious. I’d even go to the lengths of changing all your passwords on all your accounts, anything he might have had. If I were you, I’d start sharing my location 24/7 with someone I trust. I don’t want to scare you, but this man sounds unhinged and will stop at nothing as long as he gets you. And whatever you do, do not let him pull the wool of your eyes. Narcissistic men are really good with their words, and can convince you time after time for you to give them a second chance. Only to get you and tighten the grip they already have on your life. You should also try to cut back on social media. Don’t live stream places you are, don’t post stuff that could show where you are in real time and post after you have left.
i think cc going down is a blessing in disguise, this platform is fab!
I know right!!! I honestly love it 😭 every two seconds we were tweaking it last night to make it look as user friendly as possible. My next thing I wanna do with it is include blog submissions from other girls in the future. That might be really nice
Been married 4 years now (2 kids) and my husband keeps looking at women online (twerking vids/pics of women who are barely clothed) we’ve discussed this issue on numerous occassions and he apologises and keeps promising it won’t happen again but it does. This is the only issue we have in the relationship. He helps out, is a hands on father, is kind etc but I can’t seem to get passed this. (I also dress up/put makeup on and look presentable so I know I’m not the problem – he says this too but alas). How else do you think I should handle this? Thanks x
If you have continuously brought it up to him, and he is still doing it, there’s not much more talking you can do. Also it really does depend on how bad these videos are. If they are really bad, I’m in the mind of, If he does something you don’t appreciate, remove wife privileges from the house. Be distant with him, don’t cook him food, don’t talk. Men will quickly realise what it is your upset about. You have to be smart about it. Men don’t respond to women who scream and nag all the time. But when they get a wife who barely even wants to speak to him, he’ll be like wtf. And then, say to him genuinely, I’m really concerned about the kind of images you’re looking at, and that you’re disappointed he can’t lower his gaze. I wouldn’t take it personal. I don’t even think he realises it’s a problem.
My friends dont understand i dont want to speak about sex in detail with them and the topic makes me uncomfortable
Anytime they bring up something inappropriate just close off and make shit awkward. That’s the only way people will learn. When you make it awkward for everyone, is when they’ll leave you alone.
This page looks great!! So my dilemma is a bit of a long one. I’m now 22. Never kissed a guy or had a boyfriend. I’ve only been on one proper date when I was like 18. Since then I haven’t really spoken to any guys. It’s a weird one because culturally and religiously I am doing the right thing. Like I know I’m not supposed to be doing anything but, at the same time living in this western world I feel like I’m missing out on things and an odd one out. I only have one friend in the same position as me but she isn’t even the same religion which is funny. I don’t even like telling people that I’ve never kissed anyone because it’s embarrassing at this point. I feel like I’ve left things so long that it’s weird for me to even say. People I have mentioned it to are always shocked because I am pretty but I feel like it’s not even about that. I get really anxious when it comes to guys that I find attractive. I can talk to someone I don’t like really easily but if I do I completely shut down and forget what my personality is. I’m scared that I’ll be like this forever and won’t be able to meet someone and connect with them the way I want. I also don’t really know what I want in a guy to be honest. All the men in my life are pretty disappointing and even though I don’t want to generalise it’s hard for me to see me finding a good man in a world of so many bad ones.
The only way you’re going to get over this fear of men is to get yourself out there and go on as many dates as possible. If I look back at my very first date I must’ve been a hot mess but it honestly didn’t take me long to get comfortable and be really confident. The first few ones are the most daunting and then, it just becomes FUN! Its honestly not scary, you learn so much about yourself and what you like that it just makes everything better. Getting to know people starts to feel like a hobby and each person you meet, you’re like which one do I pick? Who is more interesting? It’s just fun.
How long did it take to pick where you wanted to live? I’m currently looking and it feels like I’ll never find something that’s right
It took awhile I’ll be honest. But I kind of knew I wanted this place way before I got married, and it had an agency so I knew there were always something available. Even though this was literally the last flat available at the time. But before I found this one, I was like wtffff. Nothing felt like I actually liked it without comprising on what was important. For me that was space. I knew I wanted a spacious living room because I did not want to feel claustrophobic. Figure out what you want and are looking for, and start from there. It takes months before you find out where you are going to live. Look for agency’s and apartments that offer a few months rent free. A lot of apartments in north west London offer especially during covid so that’s great. But yeah, just keep looking, keep calling estate agents because sometimes they’ll find something for you before it’s up on zoopla or rightmove etc