No-one really speaks about loneliness…
I was friends with a group of girls during high school/sixth form and university but after finishing uni, I soon realised the different paths we were on I did not want to be around certain things and because I went through a lot aged 16-21 I knew exactly what I wanted in life and I knew I would not get far if I remained in that circle so I chose to remove myself from the friendship group. At that time, I wasn’t troubled or bothered about having friends or going out because I was so so busy focusing on myself, my life, setting goals and Alhamdulilah accomplishing all the things that I have dreamt of having/doing.
I only have one sister and she is really young, we have a 8+ years age gap and the rest of my siblings are all boys. So even when I am at home, I don’t have anyone that I can really speak to, relate with, seek advice from or even express my feelings to. But I am really grateful for even having siblings, they keep me entertained. Alhamdulilah, I am happy in life, I do try to make sure that I am distracted but sometimes I get really emotional because I have no one to speak to. Now that I am 25, Wallahi, I wish I had a sister close to my age, I even find myself imagining how different my life would be if I had that sister. My mum is my bestfriend but there’s so much I can talk to her about and I don’t want to burden her.
My wardrobe is filled with dressing up outfits/bags/shoes with their tags still on them (literal years of collection) because I don’t go out and I don’t even have anyone to go out with. Honestly, my daily routine is, work, gym and home. I don’t take annual leave because I have nothing to do, nowhere to go and I don’t want to be stuck at home doing nothing. I actually prefer being at work where atleast I’m distracted and busy. Monday mornings and Friday afternoons always hit the hardest with the “ how was your weekend” or “ what are you doing this weekend” which I just quickly brush off, because I have nothing to say.
I do spoil and take care of myself with no limits, hair salon, spa/hammams, shopping, going out to eat by myself, I do this to make myself happy but I can’t lie it gets really sad because it is a constant reminder of how lonely I am because I’m doing it by myself all the time. I do have work friends but they’re all from different ethnic & religious backgrounds and we have nothing in common. I’m not expecting much from this, but I just wanted to share that being lonely sucks!!!
I do want to meet genuine girls / have genuine friendships but I don’t know how or where to start, and it doesn’t help that I’m such a shy and reserved person. I think it will be harder to make friends now at this age, I just pray that Allah keeps me content and protects me always.
sorry for over sharing, Lool I don’t have anyone to share with!!
Salam sis! Don’t worry I was in a similar boat the only difference is I was not in the country so when I came back I felt like I couldn’t relate to anyone or befriend anyone as we were at that age where everyone already had established friendships (I was 20 or 21 at the time)
I understand you’re shy but you do have to put yourself out there. Maybe join some fitness classes that provoke social interaction, strike up a convo with a hijabi/muslim girl at the gym, join sister circles at the mosque or sister events that can pop up now and again on instagram in your local area. Over time you will be able to develop sincere friendships organically - it’s not going to happen overnight but inshallah it will build into something strong and solid.
If you stay in your routine it will be difficult to make friends that you’re seeking. Sometimes doing something different or going somewhere different can help. I’ve even seen some sisters go on holiday to Dubai as a solo trip and somehow making friends with expat muslimahs over there! Honestly the world is your oyster. Make sincere dua and Allah will gravitate like minded people your way inshallah!
Hey sis, I feel as though I could have written this we have so much in common. I went through the same trajectory as you and while it didn't bother me because I was focusing on studying and starting my career I really began to feel it when I was getting married. I didn't have a bridal shower, I didn't even have a wedding because I don't have any friends. I want to have genuine friendships with other girls because I know that girl friendships are special but I'm also so grateful to have my husband who is my best friend.
Keep just being yourself and putting yourself out there and I'm sure that you'll meet some like minded girls someday inshaAllah 😊
@dua_nooni awwwww honestly yeah sometimes you just gotta say alhamdulilah for what you have now as opposed to what you don’t. Illahi blessed you with a spouse and if friends come, then they’re a bonus. That’s it
In regards to outgrowing people, wallahi i feel this soooo heard oh my god. Growing up and entering into adulthood comes with a lot of changes. The long-term friendships you once cherished seem to be coming to an end the older you get. Either we lost contact, don’t get along, or we’re in different stages in our lives. Seeing these bonds break apart isn’t easy, but it’s a part of life unfortunately. Outgrowing friendships is normal, and you just have to learn how to accept it and move on.
What I will say is once you allow yourself to form new bonds with people, you actually end up realising the new friendships are so much better than your old one. If anything you're going to think to yourself why didn't you just allow yourself to move on sooner
I don't know if it comforts you to know that you're not alone. When reading your post it felt as if I had written it myself. I grew apart from most of my friends when I was 20, I was very focused on improving myself islamically and academically I also had alot of responsibilities at home, we kind of just grew apart. Not having friends didn't bother me at first because I thought that eventually and somehow I'd find my people (but that has yet to happen lol) I really can relate to everything you wrote, I'm 25 as well and my only friend is also my sister who is about a decade younger than me as well. I too have a closet full of clothes with tags on it and try to spend my time taking care of myself the only thing I can't relate to is going to the gym lol
It's been about 5 years of being by myself and not having a solid friend group and it truly is a test for me, alhamdulilah ala kulli haal I try to have faith in Allah swt and I think there must be a wisdom behind it because Allah swt is All-Knowing and All-Wise and He knows what is best for me.
Anyway that is all lol! you are definitely not alone.