I feel like we are all having issues with friendships haha well my problem is I grew up in kenya (duqaan ceelis) and I came back just before I turned 20. I thought I’d have luck making new friends but I haven’t had any luck. Why is it hard to make friends at this age? I attend events but I haven’t had any luck making friends with the people in there. I swear it’s like I’m getting lonelier everyday and I don’t know what to do
When we were children I think because we were simply curious about each other and more accepting, it was way more easier to make friends. As adults, we have established a set of criteria by which we judge people, and unfortunately we become selective. Of course, this greatly limits our friendships as we tend to write off people who might give us new perspectives on life.
It isn't impossible but I can admit from experience it definitely feels like it. It requires this persistent patience to take the disappointments that pain you and not give up. It's not like in all your schooling and growing up you've been taught these important skills of developing patience and keeping going despite setbacks.
One good thing you could try to counteract this problem is to not focus on making friends and stop trying to achieve that specific goal. Trying too hard and putting too much pressure on yourself will get you nowhere. It's because you aren't being yourself in interactions and you end up not saying things of value, based on what you really think or feel
Don’t worry sis I have also been in a similar position where I lived ‘back home’ for a number of years and then when I came back to the UK I struggled for a while to make friends. Just make sincere dua’ for genuine and organic friendships but you will also have to put yourself out there. I made friends from work (not all I’m still in touch with), and attend sister events and sister circles in your local area and if you’re active on social media communicate with sisters meet up with mutuals. If you’re in university go join societies as well. You will not be best friends with everyone or blend with everyone but over time you will solidify some good friendships. It took me a few years but alhamdulilah it has happened and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Have tawakkul in Allah and He will bring good people your way - even if it’s just one or two friends who will stick with you. I would say I had good friendships starting from 24/25 tears old onwards - the early 20’s was a lot of trial and error lol
@qamar this!! Idk how many times ive messaged someone asking whether or not they’re down to go to an event that I think they’d like. And that’s actually how I’ve made a lot of my new friendships recently
I definitely feel like you have to put yourself out there with people you think are your vibe. Even through something as simple as replying to a social media post/story. You never know they might be thinking I want to be her friend just like you.
The one good thing about not having many close friends, you get to pick and choose those you actually like.
Definitely make lots and lots of dua, I prayed for a friendship group last ramadan and alhamdulilah it’s already happened. Now i’ve changed my mind and decided I need friends who keep me steadfast in my religion and make me feel valued.
@inna-ismacil
"The one good thing about not having many close friends, you get to pick and choose those you actually like."
THIS! You get to filter out the bullshit and fakery when you meet new people that align with where you want to go in life